Chapter 4

Lost emotions

Kain had been up early this morning, although his head hurt – he had probably drunk one or two glasses too much yesterday...

"It's good that Cecil and Rosa are not here - they don't like me sitting alone in the pub all night..." he thought, hitting the straw fencing dummy with his spear - combat training in the early morning hours had become one of his favorite actions during the last few days. However, mostly he didn't have enough time for it as his friends wanted to have breakfast with him. Not that he didn't like being together with them, but since Cecil and Rosa knew everything about him, they always had an expecting look in their eyes.

"As if I could change to a new person in a second..."

He hit the doll again, angry about thinking in such a way about his best friends. "They do everything to help you though you don't deserve it... You should be more grateful..."

All of a sudden a friendly, clear voice pulled him out of his brooding:

"Good morning, Kain! You're up early..."

Diane was standing at the far end of the courtyard, her long deep red hair tied together behind her and carrying a basket over one arm.

"Oh! Good morning Diane - I am always training at this hour..."

He wiped the sweat from his face. "So... you've answered her - now let her go..." a voice inside of him said.

The pretty young woman looked at him cheerfully:" Well - but it's quite frosty this morning. Better take care not to catch a cold..."

"She worries about me... Man, how can a girl be so cheerful all the time..."

He had to think of Rosa's sudden outbursts...

"Oh – don't worry... I am used to the cold..." He smiled bitterly due to the double meaning of his words. "A cold heart..."

Diane still looked at him, expectantly. Kain felt the urge to say something. "Uh - what are you doing here? I've never seen you at the castle..." He approached her slowly as shouting across the courtyard made him feel silly.

"Mostly I use the back entrance to the kitchen - I am helping out the castle cooks with some self-baked cakes..." She pointed at the basket.

"Cakes, huh... Ahem... Well- let me carry the basket for you..."

"Now you're starting with that again..."

Diane looked at him; surprised. "No... no... You don't have to... I didn't want to interrupt you..."

"You haven't. It really is frosty this morning... I'd like to get into the warmth..." With a slight smile he took the basket out of her hands.

"Thank you very much," Diane made a slight courtesy and smiled broadly.

"She really is a nice girl... I am sure she is the talk in town..."

They walked silently towards the castle.

"Do you know," Kain started, just to break the silence, "somehow it's strange that we've never talked much until now..."

"What are you talking? This isn't interesting anyone - not you and surely not her..."

"Well..." Diane suddenly lowered her gaze. "In fact I have seen you quite often, but..."For a moment she looked nearly shy, and then smiled, sheepishly. "I've never had the courage to talk to you..."

"Oh - why that?" Kain asked as casually as possible. Her statement was no surprise to him - many people went out of his way as he often seemed to be in a bad mood, aggressive and ominous. And he couldn't really say that their impression was wrong…

Diane's next remark surprised him, though: "I... I just thought that you wanted to be alone... You always look so thoughtful, as if you had suffered much..."

Kain suddenly had to grin broadly as it had been his habit once ago. "Thoughtful..."

No one ever called him "thoughtful", but always "depressive" or "grumpy". It somehow occurred funny to him. He couldn't stop grinning.

Diane watched him. "Hey- it's right! Your smile really is something special as the two... ups... Forget what I said..." She blushed a bit and lowered her gaze again...

"Palom and Porom... Oh, these little brats!"

"Let me guess... Two little kids, one girl, one boy caught you at the street and told you about a poor lonely fighter at Baron Castle?" he asked sourly.

"Yes, exactly... Though I thought it to be a joke... Surely a man like you has a girlfriend..." She let it sound so obvious as if saying her own name.

"Er... sure..." Kain lied.

Cid's daughter showed no visible sign of emotion but smiled as usual.

"She really knows nothing of you..." In the last few days it had often occurred to Kain that everyone at the castle and at town knew about his feelings for Rosa... On the other hand, he knew that this was impossible - his friends would never let out such things, but he couldn't help feeling that everyone around him knew more about his inner state of self than he, himself.

They had finally reached the kitchen door.

"Well… Thanks for carrying my basket..." Diane sounded still a bit shy.

"No problem...Err... Diane?" Kain asked carefully.

"Mmm?"

"Would you still like to see the inner forest?"

"Yes?" it sounded more like a question than an answer.

"Maybe... maybe I could take you with me... Let's say tomorrow morning?"

For a moment Diane seemed to hesitate, but then smiled. "Yes - I would like to go very much... See you!" She disappeared in the kitchen.

"Why did you do that?" Kain leaned back against the wall. Suddenly he had to grin again. "Maybe it's just because she called you thoughtful..."

~*~

The woods around Agart were dark and dense. Cecil and Yang were wandering through them for quite some time now, and it was slowly getting dark.

"Cecil, are you sure that you are not mistaken this time? Maybe the man was really just a child's fantasy..." Yang asked. He was starting to feel exhausted.

His friend looked at him pleadingly, though it was obvious that he was tired, too. "Please Yang... Just a little bit longer... I am sure that-- There - did you hear that?" He stood still.

"Damn thing... Where is it?" a voice could be heard nearby.

"Yes..." whispered Yang. "I think it came from there..." He pointed towards a group of trees. Slowly the two approached them. Some feet away from them a tall, strong looking man with long, black hair was obviously searching for something. Cecil suddenly started to shiver. "There's something strange about him..."

"That must be the man the girl was talking about..." he whispered.

"Maybe we should watch him for a while..." Yang suggested. "He hasn't noticed us yet..."

"No... If we wait too long he will surely go away and following him in these woods without getting noticed is not possible..." "I must know who he is..." Somehow, the Paladin felt an urge to talk with the stranger.

"Cecil, wait!" Yang hissed, but his friend had already stepped out from behind their hiding place.

Yang frowned. "Strange... Normally he is much more careful..." He hurried after the paladin.

"Well met, stranger," Cecil exclaimed loudly. "What is this what I am feeling?"

The tall man flinched due to the sound of Cecil's voice and whirled around. His piercing blue eyes grew wide and for a moment he just stared at the paladin, his harsh features a mask of surprise.

Finally he spoke: "Cecil... To meet you here of all people..." His voice was deep and strong, even booming when whispering as now...

The young paladin got pale. "This cannot be..." But the feeling he had before became stronger...

"Gol... Golbez? ...Brother...?" He stared in shock at the man before him, hardly able to speak.

"Hey- what's the matter, Cecil?" Yang stepped up to him and eyed the black haired man skeptically. "Have we met, before, Sir?"

The man grinned. "I believe so, honorable Sir Yang. I am the one who helped bringing chaos over your world one year ago..." It sounded mocking but also bitter.

"Golbez!" Cecil gasped. "I... I didn't think I would ever see you again ..."

"Nor did I... Although I am not really sure if I am welcome here... You don't look very happy, Cecil..." Golbez sounded nearly taunting.

Yang frowned. He didn't like Golbez's tone. Besides, he hardly looked like Cecil's brother at all with his black hair and harsh features, which were so different from the paladins white hair and his almost soft expression...

While Yang was still studying wordlessly the tall man, Cecil seemed to regain his composure again.

"Well - you are certainly welcome... It is just so... surprising..." He swallowed and then tried to smile. "Now get a hold on you, Cecil... No evil is emanating from him...Just something else disturbing..." He took a step forward and, as Golbez didn't move an inch, extended a hand.

"Welcome home... brother..." To his surprise he sounded officially.

The man showed no emotion as he returned the gesture, but as Cecil took his hand he felt that it was shaking. Yang gasped as he saw Golbez's features from close - his eyes were deep blue like Cecil's and looked almost soft in the harsh but not unattractive features of him.

"He really is Cecil's brother..." he murmured.

The paladin must have thought just the same as he was smiling more freely now and clutched warmly Golbez's hand in his. His brother managed now a slight smile of his own, though rather sadly. "It seems you are real paladin after all - greeting a man who has hundreds of lives on his mind and tried to kill his own brother more than once, can't be called anything else than holy and noble..." He uttered a bitter laugh again and drew his hand away as if afraid to show any more emotion.

"He seems so distant... I wonder if he's afraid..."

"We can talk later about this... How did you come back, anyway?" Cecil asked, still a bit shaken.

His brother shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know... I woke up and heard this strange calling... And then there was this mirror..." He raised an eyebrow. "Funny an experienced magic user like myself would fall for such a petty teleport trick... As I regained my senses I found myself here in this forest... I've been searching for a gate back for several hours now...

Cecil looked at him in disbelief: "A gate... back? You want to go back?" "Somehow I thought that meeting my brother would be different..." He suddenly felt very alone.

Yang noticed the confusion of his friend. "But good master Golbez - you do not intend to leave your newly found brother alone again?"

The man stared at him coldly: "Very noble words, Sir, but I am not sure if it wouldn't be better that way... You couldn't possibly have forgotten what I did...and Cecil sure the least..."

As he saw his younger brother bowing his head slightly his gaze became more warm, but also sad. "I am really not sure if I should go with you..."

"And what else will you do? My long lost brother appears just out of the nowhere, says "Hello" and disappears then without giving me even a chance to understand what is happening just now..." Cecil looked at him despondently "If you're only half as confused as I am you would know why I am acting so strange..."

He approached the tall man and touched his black armor clad arm carefully after just a moment of hesitation.

"Please come with us and meet the others... Somehow... somehow I wished meeting my "real" brother, even though I am a bit... confused right now..." he said in a low voice, speaking out what he seemed to feel.

The honesty of the paladin's words seemed to affect Golbez somehow and his features lightened up for a moment, making him look nearly afraid. "Alright... But I cannot promise anything..."

"What does he think is expected from him?" Cecil frowned.

"Well - I'll lead the way..." Even Yang seemed to feel slightly confused by the unexpected behavior of Golbez.

With a nod the tall man followed, only now and then looking at his younger brother who walked next to him and was trying to sort his thoughts. "Why does he behave so strange? I mean - sure I didn't expect him to give me a warm welcome...But he is so... cold... Curses - I worry too much again... You yourself didn't behave very friendly. He surely has a lot on his mind and is unsure how to behave..."

He watched the expressionless features of the man. "So - that's my long-lost brother..."

Somehow, he knew it would take a long time to understand that.