Chapter 10

Puppet on a string

Cecil took a deep breath. The situation at the meeting table had made it once more very clear that he had to talk with his brother. "He just interrupted me and I got nasty with him... All this provocations- surely he is only trying to hide his inner self..." As Paladin - and brother - Cecil felt compelled to do something. Still he wondered why he was so nervous.

He swallowed hard and knocked at the door. "Golbez? May I come in?"

"Sure..." a voice sounded from within. Taking another last, deep breath, the Paladin entered the room of his brother. Golbez was sitting comfortably on a chair and was smiling at him as usual. His dark breastplate lay in a corner and he now was wearing plain clothing which made him less fearful - still he was an imposing figure.

"Cecil - it's your castle... Why do you knock?"

"Golbez.. Please stop being so cynical... Even being a King gives me no right to enter the room of ... strangers..." Cecil let himself fall down on the bed.

"So... I am a stranger to you..." Golbez spoke the words monotonously - it nearly seemed as if he didn't care - or had expected such words from his brother.

"No... not exactly... but all the things you do  or say are not like my brother at all..." The Paladin spoke softly, an expression of sorrow on his face.

"Hmm - you sound as if you think that you know your "brother"- maybe you're just wishing for someone I cannot be..."

"Why can't he stop mocking me..."

"I am a Paladin and I can sense evil! And I know that you're not evil! Why can't we use this chance of reunion?"

"Why can't he open up?"

Golbez stood slowly up and turned to look out of the window. "Cecil - you have become a wonderful man... You are King of a beautiful country, have a wonderful wife and good friends... There's no need for me..."

"You're my brother!" The Paladin sounded desperately.

He wanted to clear things once and for all, although it seemed hopeless at the moment.

"I just don't seem to reach him..."

Golbez laughed softly. "Oh what a great brother I am - destroyer of nations, unable to give my dear little brother at least a warm welcome..." He suddenly whirled around, pointing at his chest. "I am dead - here... All that remains are my brain and my wits - maybe there was never anything else, maybe there was. Logic is the only thing left in me..."

"He hates himself..." Cecil bowed his head. "Your words... frighten me..."

"They should... Hate me Cecil- with all your might... See in me what I really am - a puppet of others... Of Zemorus, of the other lunarians, of anyone you can think of...!

The Paladin shock his head. "Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered.

"Am I really wishing for a brother I can never have?"

The voice of Golbez suddenly became as soft as it had never been before. "Cecil- why can't you leave me alone? What is it that drives you, that let's you endure my behavior, my mockery? What are you searching for?"

The Paladin stood, his face a mask of grieve, anger and sadness in his eyes.

"Maybe I am searching... for you... And I won't hate you nor give up..." he whispered, turned on his heels and left the room, unable to say any more.

Golbez put a slender hand to his pale forehead, and the sorrow of ages seemed to lie in the gesture. "Then search forever -- I am lost..."

~*~

On his way across the hallway Cecil stumbled into Cid.

"Hey Cecil! Good to see you! Could you have a talk with Kain, please? It seems he's been dating my daughter during our absence! I mean - I believe him that they only friends but still: Diane is a fine girl - I don't want Kain to spoil her..." the sturdy man babbled.

Cecil, who was still feeling completely down only nodded absent-mindedly. "Cid - not now. I need some time alone..."

"But..." Cid started to protest.

"Kain has changed - and your daughter is grown up, too!" the Paladin cut him short.

"Cecil! What do you want to say with that?"

The Paladin sighed and held up a hand -- until now Cid hadn't noticed the distraught look on his friend's face. "Give me a break - I'll talk with him, later..."

Not waiting for an answer he went down the hallway and disappeared around a corner, noticing no one around him.

"Huah- why is everyone so nervous today?" Cid grumbled and went home.

~*~

"Kieran? Are you in there?" Rydia asked carefully.

"Oh... It's you, Rydia - please come in..." a friendly voice replied.

Rydia swallowed hard and entered the room. Kieran of Davenshire was sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes half closed. There was a certain aura around him, something brilliant, but also mysterious. Rydia had problems to turn her eyes away from the man before her.

"Am... am I disturbing you?" she asked shyly.

The wizard's eyes flashed open:" Not by any means - I've always time for another caller...Please sit down..."

Rydia joined him on the floor. Kieran watched her curiously with his sparkling, green eyes.

"I.. I don't know how to put it, but... Is it really right that one could reach the underworld through the tower of Bab-Il?" she asked, feeling strangely fascinated by these eyes of his.

Kieran's smile vanished. "Yes, I believe so - though you have seen that the word of a scholar seem to count less than that of the others..."

Rydia blushed a bit. "Oh - normally my friends are not this way..."

"Rydia, I am sure your friends are great, but do you think they really understand you?" Kieran reached out and laid his hand on her arm... His touch was light but had also something electrifying, as if his whole being was pulsating with magic energy.

"Well - some do, some don't..." Rydia stuttered, his touch confusing her.

"No..." Kieran leant closer "Can they feel how it is to be a caller? To have the power to travel between planes? To feel the eternal loneliness of not knowing where to belong?"

"Loneliness..." Rydia's lips trembled. Yes, she was feeling lonely, often...

"Yes - loneliness... We believe that we belong here, too, but this is not the truth... We may be human, but we are not used to live in this cold world. Our destiny lies with them - in a world more full of magic than anywhere else..." The sentences were whispered, a strange, ensnaring line of words.

"A...cold... world? But... I have my friends here...Cecil, Rosa, Diane, Edge..." Rydia tried to clear her thoughts - the things he said were so... persuading.

Kieran looked at her compassionately. "Rydia - if they were really your friends they would do everything to get you back! Why does King Cecil does not want to go to the tower of Bab-Il?"

Suddenly the spell was broken. "Because it's too dangerous! He's said that... If there would be a way he would take it...He would never betray me..." Rydia said dedicatedly. Cecil had become one of the few persons she trusted completely.

Suddenly Kieran's voice got more sharp, too "He's the one, together with this Kain, who murdered our kind in Mist - and your mother..."

Rydia frowned. She did not like talking about this incident, as it was in fact the only "problem" in her friendship with the paladin. She knew that Cecil would never forgive himself for what he had done, as well as she could never forget this night...

"How...how do you know about that?" she asked Kieran, her voice trembling.

"I am a caller, too. We know many things..." Kieran smiled.

Rydia lowered her eyes. " Yes - it's true that he did that... But it wasn't on purpose... He's done so much for me..." Although it had been hard for Rydia to trust Cecil at first, she didn't hate him any more for what had happened -- unlike Kain, he had tried to help her.

"If he hadn't been there, Kain might have killed me..." she whispered.

Kieran's eyes became soft. "Yes - I believe you...I am sure that the King wants you no harm, but don't you think that his behavior is more based on compassion than on real sympathy?"

Rydia stood up "No... That's not true... They're my friends - I am as human as they are!"

Kieran looked up at her. "Maybe you understand them - but they can never understand us! I think they don't want to go to the tower of Bab-Il because they don't want to let us go back... To let you go..."

Rydia stared at him, trembling. "Why do you say such horrible things? You appear so aggressive all of a sudden - and I thought you were like me..."

Suddenly there was a change in Kieran's appearance and he bowed his head in grief.

"Rydia..." he swallowed hard. "I've lied to you all - I am no Silveran scholar... I am a fugitive..."

Rydia gasped for breath. Kieran ignored her and continued to speak, obviously totally absorbed in his tale.

"I've traveled the upper world to gain knowledge, but all I learned was pain and suffering... One night, I was staying at an inn in a little hamlet near Mysidia..." He laughed bitterly. "You know how suspicious people can be in these outskirts - and then me with my green hair... Still they left me alone... Until… until some monsters attacked the hamlet... There were screams everywhere... I ran out at once - next to me there was a little boy calling for his mother... She was attacked by some horrible fiends..."

Rydia got pale. "Mother..."

"Without thinking, and though tired, I called a monster - the other creatures fled in vain, but... but the woman I wanted to save started to panick..." He began to sob quietly.

"I couldn't stop my monster in time... It...it killed her... I never wanted to..." he buried his head between his knees.

"Kieran - I didn't know..." Rydia fell back next to him, feeling an incredible surge of compassion in her heart. She carefully laid a soft hand on his hand. Kieran looked up and clutched his hand in hers.

His voice was hoarse as continued. "Thank you Rydia, but that was not all... The people accused me of having been responsible for all the monsters - They said that I had called them and that I was only toying with them... They attacked me with weapons... and fire..."

"Fire..."

"Yes..." with a trembling hand he pulled back the robe on his arm, wordlessly... The flesh was dark and scarred.

"Oh my god!" Rydia gasped.

"I could flee just in time- though the Elder of Mysidia sure will be searching for me... that's why I went to Agart - I want to go back, too...."

"The Elder? But he's never told us about someone like you..." Rydia said, disbelief and confusion in her eyes.

"Yes- because I am not allowed to exist... What would the people say if they knew there was someone like me? The say they accept us, but in truth we're only useful if we're domesticated!" Kieran's voice had become sharp, again.

"Do... domesticated?" Rydia withdrew her hand.

"Yes - we're like animals, monsters to most of them until we do not use our powers for their wishes..."

"I don't believe you..." Rydia shook her head.

"Rydia - your friends may like you, but they're afraid to let you go back.. They fear losing you forever - to a world they don't understand, which frightens them... They cannot imagine why you would want to be there - they're deciding things for you..." Kieran stared at her with his penetrating eyes, his look full of pain and anger.

Rydia had tears in her eyes and turned away, unable to stand his gaze. "Kieran - it's horrible what you're telling me; but you're wrong with my friends... Sure they often call the others "monster", but they would do everything they can to help me...I'll ask Cecil tomorrow..." She felt unbearable sorry for Kieran - it was no wonder that he hated other people.

"Yes, do that... But, please Rydia - not a word about what I've told you..."

Rydia looked at him questioningly. "But why- he sure would help you... It was an accident..."

"I... I think he has enough problems right now... My person can wait..." Kieran had regained his composure again, although he was still looking very serious.

"If you think so..." Rydia wiped away her tears and left the room.