LOST AND FOUND
SOMEWHERE
Do not reject me...
"Please," Buffy begged the voice, "Leave me alone! I want to stay here! Let me rest!"
We cannot rest. We cannot stay.
We must return.
***
THE MAGIC BOX
"Who's going and who's staying?" Giles asked.
"Tara will do the spell here, and I'll do the spell from the other side when we find Buffy," Willow said, then smiled gently at Tara, "You'll be my anchor, like you always are,"
"How disgustingly cute. Makes me want to heave," Spike muttered as he eyed Willow and Tara, "Just so you know, I'm going too,"
"Oh no you're not!" Xander jumped in, "No way! You're the last thing Buffy wants to find her! I'LL go!"
"As much as I dislike the idea of Spike going myself," Giles began calmly, "There's no telling what they're going to find over there. He probably has the best chance of defeating whatever it may be. You'll be his anchor, Xander,"
"Can I cut the rope?" Xander asked.
"Xander!" Anya exclaimed.
"Well why do I have to be evil dead's anchor?" Xander asked. Anya rubbed his back gently. Xander sighed, "Fine. I'll make sure he doesn't get stuck in never never land!"
"Well, thank you very much!" Spike replied sarcastically.
"Hey! Don't you get all snotty with me, Mister!" Xander looked at Anya, "He's getting snotty with me!"
"Shhhh… it's ok honey. Your so much snottier then him anyway..." the ex-demon said, trying to calm her fiancé. Xander looked at Anya and furrowed his brow, not sure whether she had insulted him or complimented him.
"Big baby," Spike muttered, "Go crying to your woman..."
"Can I go too, Mr. Giles?" Dawn said before Xander could reply to Spike's comment.
"I don't know, Dawn," Giles started, "It might be too risky. We don't know what state of mind Buffy will be in if we DO find her,"
"But it's Buffy. I mean, if she's scared or confused, I might be the one able to calm her down. She'll know me," Dawn said, "Please Mr. Giles?" her voice grew quiet, "She's my sister."
Giles was reluctant, but realized Dawn had a point.
"Very well," Giles looked at Spike, and Spike nodded. The Watcher didn't have to ask. He knew the vampire would protect Dawn at all costs. It was Buffy's only request of him before she had died, "Anya, you'll be Dawn's anchor," he looked at the unconscious slayer lying on the reading couch at The Magic Box, "And I'll be hers, should she need it,"
"Sit in a circle, legs crossed," Willow instructed Dawn and Spike, "We have to link hands and close the circle," the three did so. "Are you guys ready?" she asked. Dawn and Spike nodded, "Close your eyes, and concentrate on Tara's voice and words,"
Tara began reading from the book in her hands. The travelers did as they were told, and soon, had entered a state of deep sleep.
***
SOMEWHERE
"Dawny?" Willow called out, "Dawny, where are you?" Willow was on her bed in the dorm room her and Tara shared. The only light in the room was the moonlight shining through the window. Willow stood up, "How'd I get here?"
"Willow?" Someone came forth from the shadows. Someone who looked like a vampire version of herself. A lump of fear formed in Willow's throat.
"Y-you…! You're supposed to be dead, or in another dimension, or wherever you came from! We got rid of you!" The memories of her vampire double flooded Willow's mind. The double had entered her world, and nothing good had come of it.
"I came back. Got bored," the vampire Willow replied in her calm, child-like voice, "No one to play with," she pouted.
"Well... uh… you should go back. I mean... you can go read a book or something! Those are fun… uh--"
"Bored of you now," Vampire Willow interrupted, and began advancing on her human self.
"Tara?! TARA!" Willow cried out, hoping the fair-haired Witch would pull her back, "Now would be a good time to do the anchor thing!"
"Tara," Vampire Willow smiled coldly, "I like Tara. Pretty Tara."
"You stay away from Tara!" Willow warned, her fear giving way to anger.
"I want to play with Tara," Vampire Willow replied.
"No! No playing with Tara! Just... STAY AWAY!" Willow held a palm towards the vampire Willow, but her Thicken spell didn't work, "Oh... no!"
"Tara doesn't like you. You're boring," Vampire Willow said, "Junior High boring,"
"Junior High?" Willow looked at herself. Her hair was long and straight instead of the short cut she had adopted. And her clothing consisted of a brown jumper and white shirt.
"Not again... please... not again...." Willow closed her eyes, "This isn't me. This is junior high. I'm not like this. Not anymore!" Willow opened her eyes again, and saw Tara beside her vampire double. Her eyes went wide, "Honey?"
"I don't think I like you anymore," Tara spoke, then put an arm around vampire Willow, "She's more interesting,"
"No. Tara, no! You can't! You," Willow's voice trailed off, "I love you," she whispered, "You can't leave me,"
"Witchy will leave you," the Vampire Willow said.
"No!" Willow shouted. After everything her and Tara had been through, how long would it take her to go on if Tara decided to leave? She didn't know. Willow looked at her girlfriend, "You wouldn't leave me, would you?"
"You're not the same anymore," Tara said, "You scare me,"
"Scare you? How? My magiks? But why? I can control it. I'm stronger then I used to be," the red-headed witch pleaded.
"You're dangerous," Tara insisted.
"No. I'm not!" Willow started, "I'd never hurt anyone! You know that. Please don't be scared. Don't leave me! Please..." Tara turned her back on Willow, walking away hand in hand with the vampire doppleganger, "TARA!" Willow cried, tears flowing freely, "COME BACK! COME BACK! PLEASE!" Willow slid to her knees, and sobbed, "Please... come back..."
"Red? Red! Get up!" a voice was calling to her. She refused to answer. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore. Only Tara mattered. And Tara was gone.
"Leave me alone," Willow whispered.
"Can't do that, Red. We need to find Buffy, and get out of this bloody place!"
"She left me," Willow spoke, her mind in a daze, "Tara left me!"
"Tara didn't leave. She's on the other side, waiting for you. GET UP!" Willow still didn't comply, "I said GET UP, you silly bint!" Spike grabbed Willow and pulled her to her feet, "Look, your witchy girlfriend is waiting for us to get Buffy back! Now MOVE!"
"Spike..." Willow started, then looked around. There was no sign of Tara nor Willow's Vampire double. In fact, there was no sign of the horrible Junior High jumper she had been wearing, nor the dorm room either.
Willow was outside. At night.
"It wasn't real!" she gasped, then smiled, relieved, "It wasn't real!"
"Not much is real here, I gather,"
"BUFFY!" Willow said, "We have to find her!"
"I just SAID that!" Spike snapped, then threw his hands up hopelessly, "What is it with you scoobies? NONE of you listen to me! A bloody prejudice against Vampires is what it is!"
"I'm sorry," Willow replied sheepishly, "I was kind of preoccupied ..."
"Right then. First we find nibblet, then Buffy. Can't very well tell Buffy we lost her sister somewhere on the astral plane, now can we?!"
***
SOMEWHERE ELSE
"Buffy? Spike? Willow?" Dawn called out to the emptiness. The mist surrounding her slowly began to dissipate, and she saw where she was standing.
Dawn grabbed onto the nearest metal beam she could find, her face pale as fear bubbled up inside her. She was here again. On the scaffolding of the tower where she was almost sacrificed.
Where Buffy died.
"No..." she gasped, shaking her head violently, "No no no no no no!!" Dawn looked down at herself. The dress. It was the same dress she had been wearing that night. The ceremonial dress a psychotic goddess had forced her to wear!
"Welcome back, dear..."
Dawn's eyes went wide as she saw the old man standing before her. His eyes were black, his lizard-like tail trailing behind him.
"Doc...!" Dawn backed away slowly, "GO AWAY!" She shouted, her face a mask of fear. Doc simply smiled, a cold smile that sent shivers down Dawn's spine. She could never forget the face that haunted her nightmares.
"What are you so scared of, my dear?" he asked, "Is it me?" Doc's voice grew quiet, "The real person you should be afraid of is YOURSELF."
"Myself? Why would I be afraid of myself?!" Dawn asked nervously.
"You're afraid that there's nothing within you. That you're an empty shell... but really, there IS something in your small little body. Something much more worthy of your fear then myself. Inside you is a power like this world has never known. A dangerous power. A power that will consume you,"
"What's inside me...? Is this about being The Key?" Dawn asked, her voice barely above a whisper, "Please... tell me! Am I good? Bad? What is it! What am I? What will happen to me?"
"Let's find out, shall we?" Doc stepped forward, and held up a dagger. She remembered that dagger. He had sliced her open with it once before. She could still feel the phantom blade burning through her flesh.
Dawn tried to back away again, but she was at the end of the support beam that held her. There was no where to go but down.
The way Buffy had gone.
There was a loud crackle of electricity behind her, and she felt static lift the hair on her arms and the back of her neck. She turned around slowly, and saw the large white vortex waiting for her.
"Jump in, and you'll find out everything," Doc said.
Dawn was frozen as memories of Buffy's death came back to her. It should have been me in the first place! It should have been ME!
Dawn slowly took a step forward, her bare foot dangling in the air, ready to take the plunge. Before her other foot left the platform, someone grabbed her from behind and pulled her to safety.
"That would have been messy, nibblet..."
"Spike!" Dawn turned to face the vampire who had pulled her back from the edge of the tower. Her clothing was now back to normal, and she immediately collapsed into sobs. Spike took a step back, not quite sure what to do with the bawling teenager.
"Well... you're welcome then..." Spike said as he ran a hand through his short-cropped hair, then turned towards Willow, "Red? Wanna help me out here? This whole crying thing isn't something I know much about, "
Willow quickly took the hint and ran to the youngest Summers girl, putting her arms around the sobbing brunette. Spike walked a few feet away, relieved he didn't have to play the 'moral support' role. Not that he would have been any good at that anyway. His idea of moral support was shaking the person until they stopped crying.
"Dawny?" Willow started softly, "Dawny, honey, don't cry. It's ok. What happened, sweetie?"
Dawn told Willow of her experience, and Willow shared her own.
Spike leaned against a support beam and waited impatiently as the girls talked and offered each other girly emotional support. He briefly wondered if cigarettes existed in the astral plane. He could use one right about now.
"Alright," he started, "Enough chit-chat ladies. We've a search to complete," Spike waited for a reply, but received none. He straightened up, "Girls?" he called out, "Hey!" Spike exclaimed when he noticed the support beam he had been leaning against was now a large tree. He turned to where Dawn and Willow had been, only to find they were gone.
Spike was alone.
***
Spike stepped away from the tree and looked around, wondering how he had ended up in a graveyard. It appeared almost surreal. A thick fog covered the ground, and the brightness of the full moon barely peeked through the clouds. The air was still and heavy. Not even a breeze. The silence was almost deafening. He felt like he was in a soundproof booth, or underwater.
"Where did the sodding horror movie set come from?" he asked no one in particular, then began to walk around the graves, searching for his travelling companions, "Nibblet?" he called out, "Red?!"
"They're not here, William," a voice spoke. Spike froze. He recognized the voice, and knew the only male who would dare use that name.
"Angelus..." Spike turned to come face to face with the one vampire who he hated more then any other creature on Earth, living or otherwise, "Or is it Angel?"
"Angel?" Angelus laughed a harsh laugh, "No angels in hell, William."
- "So this is hell then? It's a little cooler then I imagined," Spike replied, "Where's all the fire and brimstone? I'm feeling ripped off here..."
"This isn't THE Hell, William, but YOUR hell. Besides, hell doesn't look like any place you could have imagined in your sick, twisted mind. I've been there. Boring place, really. With a lot of ugly demon women," Angelus cocked his head, "Speaking of which, it seems poor William has allowed another woman to get him in trouble again. Really, Billy, you need to stop reaching for the unattainable!"
"And YOU'RE here because…?" Spike asked, bored with Angelus's talk.
"Am I really here?" Angelus asked, "Or am I in your head?"
"Don't give me riddles, you bloody pouf!"
"All isn't as it seems, William..."
"Riiiight. Well, love to stay and chat, but I have me a lady to find. Now if you don't mind," Spike started walking away. Angelus began to laugh. Spike stopped, and turned to him, "What is so bloody funny?!"
"You! Going off like some hero!" Angelus replied, "Face it, William, you'll never be a hero. You'll never be anything but a monster, " Angelus smiled coldly, "You are nothing to her, William. You are beneath her!"
"Shut up!" Spike growled as Angelus's words cut deep.
"Oh, did I hit a sore spot, William?"
"It's SPIKE,"
"I had a dog named Spike once..." Angelus replied, "Oh wait, it was you," his voice grew serious, "There is no Spike. You're William. You'll always be William. William the bloody awful poet. William the weak. William the insecure. William the loveless," Angelus laughed again, "Look at yourself! Go on... look!"
Spike looked down to see his black boots were now brown loafers, his black jeans now tweed pants, and his leather duster and t-shirt had been replaced with a vest and suit jacket. Spike put a hand up to his face. He felt the crooked wire-rimmed glasses, and the tangled nest of William's unkempt hair.
"No!" Spike started, "William is dead! He is surely DEAD!" Spike clamped a hand over his mouth, not liking the sound coming out of it -- a nasal voice with a stuffy high-society English accent instead of the deeper tones and light cocky accent he had long ago developed.
"William, William, William," Angelus sighed as he put a hand on Spike's shoulder, "Poor delusional William, trying so hard to be the big bad all these years! There was only ONE big bad, William. That was ME!" he smiled, "I had what you always wanted. The looks, the power," he paused, "The women... even yours, William. Do you think Drusilla loved you as much as you loved her?"
"We were together for over 100 years!" Spike replied. The annoying voice he had hated so much was now wavering with fear.
"I had her first, William," Angelus replied, "And you only got her when I was cursed with a soul and left her to you! But what happened when I lost my cursed soul four years ago? Do you remember, William? Tell me -- Who did Dru run to? Who did she spend her nights with? It wasn't you," Angelus smirked, "But then, you weren't exactly up to the task, were you? What with the paralysis and all," Spike closed his eyes as he remembered the bitter few months he had spent wheelchair bound. Angelus had taken full advantage of Dru, and Dru had enjoyed every minute of it. Even after Spike had regained full use of his legs and Angel had regained his lost soul, Dru had left Spike for a Chaos Demon .
Angelus quickly punched Spike in the stomach. He doubled over, eyes watering. Angelus found it incredibly amusing.
"You are as weak now as you were then," Angelus said, "Tell me now... how many women have rejected you, William? Let's see..." he began to count on his fingers, "First there was Cecily, and that was when you were HUMAN. Second was Dru because you weren't enough monster for her, and third -- Buffy because you're too much monster. It seems you just can't win."
"Stop!" Spike shouted, "Hush now, I beg of you! Leave me be," Spike fell to his knees, his voice still that of William's. He hated it. "Please... just leave me be," Angelus' laughter echoed harshly in his ears. Spike tried to block it out, but to no avail.
"You will always be an outcast, William, no matter how much you try to fit in. When you were human, you were the joke of the high-class society you had tried so desperately to be a part of. When Dru, Darla, and Myself brought you into our group, you kept trying to prove yourself. But you never did, did you William?" he grabbed Spike's hair and wrenched his head back, "Nothing you did ever impressed us!"
"After I killed that Slayer during the Boxer Rebellion, you said I was one of you!" Spike replied in William's weak voice.
"Ah yes, 1901. I remember. I had been cursed with a soul by then. Sympathy was one of the side effects of that soul. My soul felt sorry for you, William. It also felt disgust at your actions. My demon still wasn't impressed. We let you stay with us for one reason -- having a slayer killer made our lives a bit easier. That was it."
"No! I was one of you! I was!" Spike whispered.
"You were NEVER one of us!" Angelus snapped, then stepped away from Spike, "And you'll never be one of THEM. They will never accept you! Neither Anya, Tara, Willow, Xander, Giles, nor Dawn will EVER accept you! Least of all Buffy!"
"You're wrong about one thing!" Spike shouted, "DAWN has accepted me. If no one else, then the child!"
"Are you sure of that, William?" Angelus asked condescendingly, "Are you really sure?"
"You keep trying to play on my insecurities, mate. Worked for a bit... but no more!" he shouted, his voice growing stronger, beginning to sound more as it should, "NOW SOD OFF!" Spike lunged at Angelus.... and found himself on the ground, "What the hell?" Spike jumped to his feet, but Angelus was gone.
The blonde vampire looked down at himself. His jeans and boots had returned, as had his Duster and t-shirt. His felt his face to find the glasses gone, and his hair once again the messy, short-cropped style he was used to.
"Come back here, you bastard!" Spike hissed, baring his fangs as his allowed his violent impulses to take over, "Come back so I can tear your bloody throat out with my bare hands!"
"Spike?"
Spike stiffined. He quickly calmed himself and put on his human face, then slowly turned towards the voice that called to him.
"Buffy…"
TO BE CONTINUED