PROLOGUE
N: Long ago, in the deep and frozen lands of Scandinavia, there were creatures who wreaked havoc on humanity. The Troll. They dwell in rocks, in caves, isolated from civilization. The creatures were ugly, fat and slow-witted, but some could look and behave like human beings. These are the most dangerous. Now, the creatures have returned, this time, a thousand miles across the sea. Today, the monsters believe they can go undetected, free to attack and then retreat to the darkness. But in Denmark, we have dealt with the trolls before, and now and now, we shall deal with them... again.
SOUTH PARK
ATTACK OF THE TROLLS
PART 1
[The opening sequence starts in a similar style to the intro from Thomas & Friends: The Adventure Begins, where the camera pans over multiple places over South Park including Stark's Pond, Father Maxi's church, City Wok and Tom's Rhinoplasty. It then pans over to the Marsh Residence in which Stan arrives outside and the camera runs into him, knocking him over. The camera then turns out to be a drone]
STAN: Ugh… What the fuck?
[The drone owner turns out to be Kevin Stoley]
KEVIN: Oh, sorry, Stan. I was just testing my new drone out. [Stan picks himself up while Kevin walks up to him] You okay?
STAN: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just fine. Seriously, dude, you really need to be more careful with these things.
KEVIN: I knew that, dude. [he picks up his drone and walks away] See you at school.
STAN: Uh, you too, Kev.
[Stan walks from his house to the bus where his friends, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are all waiting for him as usual]
STAN: Hey, guys.
KYLE: Hi, Stan. Are you on your way to school?
STAN: Yeah, we always do. Why?
KYLE: 'Cause I heard there's gonna be an assembly today. Dunno what it's about though.
KENNY: (Y'know, I think something's up)
CARTMAN: [looks up at the sky] Where? I don't see anything.
KYLE: Not up there, fatass, down here!
CARTMAN: Goddamnit, are you trying to confuse me or something? How can something be up when it's down? Seriously, you really need to smart up, you guys.
[Before Kyle could argue with him, Ms. Crabtree's bus arrives]
CRABTREE: SIT DOWN, KIDS! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!
STAN: No we're not, we're early, you dumbass bitch.
CRABTREE: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
STAN: I said we're yearning to move up an inch.
CRABTREE: Oh. So you do.
[the boys get on the bus and go on their way to school]
[South Park Elementary, gymnasium, day. A school meeting is called and kids file in. Unbeknown to the boys, Wendy sits next to Stan]
STAN: Wendy?
WENDY: Hi, Stan.
STAN: Why are deciding to sit here with us?
WENDY: Because you're my boyfriend, of course.
STAN: Figures. What's happening anyway?
BUTTERS: Shhh! The principal's gonna tell us now.
[The kids fall silent as Principal Victoria begins her speech]
VICTORIA: Everyone, can I have your attention please? So I've called you all here to make a very special announcement; as you all know, this year marks 150 years since this school was first opened in South Park.
KIDS: Ooooh!
VICTORIA: And so to celebrate, we'll be holding a special summer fair at the end of the school term.
KIDS: Wow! Cool!
CARTMAN: Kickass!
VICTORIA: Now I know we've all been a lot over the past years with zombie attacks, genetically-engineered turkeys, sex ed, PC culture and [eyes up to Cartman, who looks away in embarrassment] attempting to burn down the school twice…
CRAIG: You can say that again.
VICTORIA: Just remember that no matter what happens, you've always played a vital part in keeping South Park Elementary alive.
[South Park Elementary hallway. Stan and Wendy are walking down the hallway, reminiscing on the past events they've encountered over the years]
STAN: You know, I can't believe it. 150 years since this school has opened, 20 years since we've first came here, it seems like yesterday when we had our first kiss by Stark's Pond.
WENDY: Yeah, well at least we tried, before you threw up on me.
STAN: [sheepishly] Oh, yeah.
WENDY: Still, it did feel like yesterday when we first fell in love together.
CARTMAN: [arrives on the scene] And I remember the first time you two broke up!
STAN: Shut up, Cartman! I was really crushed by that, remember?
CARTMAN: Yeah, which was why I remember it so well! [he laughs as he walks off]
STAN: [calls after Cartman] Oh yeah? Well I remember all of your dickhead schemes over the years too, fatass!
CARTMAN: [overhears and turns around to them] Goddamnit, I'm not fat! Remember? [he then turns again and walks away]
KYLE: [walks up to Stan and Wendy] Pfft! Yeah as if you tell us nearly everytime! Seriously, dude. He's never gonna change, no matter what he does, Cartman will always will be an asshole!
STAN: I'll second that!
WENDY: Me too.
KYLE: So about this summer fair; I can never tell you how much I'm excited for this. I mean, think about what we could expect; a barbecue, games, hell, Chef could even host his own band for us or something like us. Think about it, dude!
[Just then, Heidi Turner and Red McArthur arrive beside them]
HEIDI: Come on, Wendy! We've got volleyball practice!
RED: Yeah, today's the day! [the two girls then leave]
WENDY: Yeah, yeah! I'm coming! Sorry, you guys. I'd love to talk more, but I've got volleyball now. See ya'! [she walks off to join the other girls]
BOYS: Bye, Wendy!
STAN: You know, I forgot that Wendy's still in the Girls Volleyball team.
KYLE: Yeah, me too. [Clyde overhears and arrives at the scene]
CLYDE: The Girls Volleyball team? No doubt I'll be rooting for them.
KYLE: I knew you support them.
CLYDE: Yeah, I do. I heard they'll be going against the Jefferson Sabers today.
STAN: Really? Wow!
CLYDE: Fingers crossed, Wendy will win the game for us.
STAN: Yeah!
KYLE: Totally, dude! Wendy rocks!
[South Park Elementary Gymnasium, later. The girls' volleyball team are warming up]
ANNOUNCER 1: Hello everyone and welcome back. We are live at South Park Elementary School where the local girls' volleyball team is about to take on the Jefferson Sabers.
ANNOUNCER 2: And, hey Jim, it is packed. Sellout crowds tonight, first time in team history. Everyone turning out to see what's going to happen. [Wendy is busy waving at the crowd]
JIM: That's right, Mike. All eyes are of course on fourth grader Nichole Daniels. Will she sit or stand for the National Anthem? [The crowd stare at her]
MIKE: This week with athletes all over the country sitting down for the National Anthem, [Two people are seen holding a banner reading 'WE SUPPORT YOU NICHOLE!'] the question on everyone's mind is "What is this little girl gonna do?"
JIMBO: She's not gonna sit down. Why would she?
RANDY: Screw that. I've got 100 bucks riding on this. Come on, Nichole. Sit on it!
WENDY: [stops waving and becomes confused] No one told me we're gonna have the National Anthem play.
SPORTS COMMENTATOR: Now please rise for the National Anthem. [they stand up]
RANDY: This is it.
MIKE: The National Anthem starts. Nichole Daniels seems to be waiting. So far no si... Oh! And Heidi Turner is sitting down!
CROWD: Ooh!
WENDY: What is going on?
JIM: Might be totally unexpected. All eyes were on Nichole when Heidi Turner comes out of nowhere and sits down.
MIKE: And there goes Meghan Ridley! The crowd is going wild. What a turn of events! Let's check in with Dave.
DAVE: And Mike, I've just looked at the girls' Twitter accounts and it appears they are sitting out the National Anthem to protest the harassment and trolling they receive on the Internet. [Wendy becomes even more confused]
MIKE: Complete surprise, Dave. Nobody saw this coming. Three girls now sitting down and finally, there goes Nichole.
RANDY: Wow, yeah, 100 bucks!
JIM: And, as the anthem draws to a close, this thing is over.
MIKE: And it seems only one girl is still standing up. Erm, what's her name again, Jim? [Jim whispers the name in Mike's ear] Wendy Testaburger? What kind of name is that for a girl? [Wendy gets offended by this, but still stands] The final result, four athletes sitting out of the National Anthem, three of them not even black. Well there you have it, folks. A shocker here in South Park, thanks for joining us. [People start leaving]
CRAIG: Well, that sucked.
CLYDE: Yeah, I would've loved to have seen the whole game.
WENDY: Wait, what? No! Where are you all going?!
STEPHEN: Oh my god, that was great. [The crowds empty out, leaving only a few left]
REFEREE: Ah, play ball. [Blows whistle. The girls start playing, except Wendy]
WENDY: [disappointed] Um, actually- you know what, I- I'm just gonna go down and get a drink. [she walks away from the gymnasium]
[South Park Elementary hallway, much later. Wendy walk down the hallway, still in thought when she meets up with Stan, Kyle and Clyde again]
STAN: Hi, Wendy. So how was it?
WENDY: How was what?
CLYDE: The volleyball game. Did we score?
WENDY: If I had to be very brief, yeah we did.
STAN: All right!
CLYDE: Yeah!
WENDY: It also sucked. [the boys stop cheering]
STAN: Huh?
KYLE: What?
WENDY: Everyone just came here to see which one of us would sit out the National Anthem and when that was over, they all went.
CLYDE: Come on, Wendy. You know there are better ways on getting attention than just volleyball.
WENDY: It's not that, it's just-
CLYDE: How come they don't play the National Anthem in our games?
KYLE: About what, Wendy?
WENDY: Well, it's just that it's very weird why the girls decided to sit out on the National Anthem to begin with. I heard it's got to do with them being trolled on the internet or something like that.
STAN: [concerned] Wait, trolling? Are you sure?
WENDY: I really don't know. It's like this whole thing just came out of nowhere and I don't know what's been going on. [Just then, Bebe passes by] Hey, Bebe. Do you know anything about this whole trolling thing? [But Bebe gives Wendy an angry glare and walks off without a word. Wendy is stunned]
KYLE: That's odd. I've been on Twitter last night and I've never seen one single bad tweet about girls. Maybe it's just a hoax or something.
WENDY: Now that you mentioned it, you could be right.
[Just then, Butters runs down the hallway]
BUTTERS: Fellas! Hey, fellas! You'll never guess what he's put on the school message board!
STAN: Huh?
KYLE: What?
WENDY: What is it?
[South Park Elementary, later, computer lab. Stan, Kyle, Wendy, Clyde and Butters are in the lab, looking through the school website. Wendy is scrolling through the site]
WENDY: "Your vagina is so deep, you can put a motherfucking airplane inside of it! – Skankhunt42"? Is that what the girls were on about?
BUTTERS: Yeah! You should see more of what he's posted.
WENDY: [goes to another reply by Skankhunt42] "I know a rhyme that goes 'Sluts can go kiss themselves to sleep, when their titties are so deep'" W-what the fuck is this crap?!
BUTTERS: And that's not all, it gets worse! Look! [he goes onto another page of the site and shows them something that makes the other kids stare in shock] It's a picture of a woman with a wiener photoshopped in her mouth!
WENDY: [mortified] W-wh-who the hell's doing this shit?! What the hell's been going on?! Why is this even happening now?!
BUTTERS: I-I dunno! But whoever is behind this account, Skankhunt42 is gonna be in a whole lot a trouble! Mark my words!
[South Park Elementary hallway, later that day. Stan, Kyle and Wendy are walking down the hallway together, thinking about who Skankhunt42 could be]
STAN: I don't get it. I really don't get. Who in this school could be evil enough to write all these horrible things about girls?
WENDY: Well for starters, it's obvious it isn't a girl. As that account is all about attacking on them.
KYLE: Well I wasn't the one behind all of this; I would never do something like that, especially towards girls.
STAN: It definitely can't be me either. I had no idea something like that even existed up until now.
KYLE: Or maybe it could be- [he stops for a moment, realization strikes his face] Oh my god.
STAN: What?
KYLE: I think I know who could be Skankhunt42!
STAN: Really? Who?
KYLE: Well, think about it; remember that one time I was infected with AIDS?
STAN: Yeah.
KYLE: And what about that whole thing with Casa Bonita?
STAN: Yep, I remember that.
KYLE: And the time he made up all those rumors about Wendy killing Smurfs?
WENDY: Yeah, and no one believed it.
KYLE: I knew that. And what about those times where he pretended to be handicapped, faked Tourettes, attempted to kill Token for being black, made fun of ginger people, women, black people, Asians and made Scott Tenorman eat his own parents?
STAN, KYLE & WENDY: [after a brief pause] Cartman!
STAN: Of course! It had to have been him, it just had to! If there's anyone in this school who's sociopathic enough to harass girls on the internet, it had to have be Cartman!
WENDY: So what are we gonna do? We can't just stand there and let him do all this shit to us!
[Meanwhile, Cartman is at his locker when Stan and Kyle coming storming up towards him]
STAN: Okay Cartman, put 'em up!
CARTMAN: Put what up?
STAN: Don't play dumb with us, we know what you've been up to yesterday! You were the one harassing the girls on the school message boards on the internet!
CARTMAN: [stunned] Excuse me?
KYLE: Yeah, you heard him! You've been going by this username, Skankhunt42 and I know- I mean, we know that've you been doing all of these terrible things to women!
CARTMAN: I don't have time for this.
KYLE: What? It had to have been you, it's completely obvious! You were the one-
CARTMAN: Okay guys. I don't know what the hell you're on about, but let me make this quick; yes, I've ripped on black people, yes, I've ripped on jews and once tried to exterminate them, yes, I've tried to kill Kenny for his PSP, yes, I've make jokes about breast cancer, yes, I've faked Tourette's Syndrome, yes, I did give Kyle AIDS, and yes, I did ground that one boy's parents into chili and fed it to him at a chili cookoff, but however; I would never, ever try and troll women on the internet! Okay? [Stan and Kyle look at each other and then back to Cartman]
KYLE: Dude, you rip on women nearly every time! You call them skanks, sluts, bitches, hoes and made several tasteless jokes about their vaginas and titties!
STAN: Come on Cartman, show us your phone.
CARTMAN: Now let me think. No! And let me tell you very clearly that I am not Skankhunt42! You guys have been looking on the internet for too long, get a life! [he walks away, leaving Stan and Kyle bewildered]
STAN: He's lying, I just know it. If there's one thing Cartman's good at, it's lying.
KYLE: I know, right? He'd better fess up before this whole thing goes into chaos.
BUTTERS: [passes by] Oh, you mean Professor Chaos?
STAN: Shut up, Butters.
[South Park Elementary gym, day. Cartman holds a school assembly]
CARTMAN: Fellow students, as you know, an Internet troll by the name of Skankhunt42 has been harassing women and girls by making degrading comments on our school message board. The girls are very upset, and many male students believe that it's just because girls don't have a sense of humor. [Wendy looks offended] I beg to disagree. Girls rule, women are funny, get over it. Just the other day, in the hallway, I heard two male students saying how the new Ghostbusters sucked balls. I was shocked and appalled. It is time for us all to realize and accept that girls are cool, and women are funny. Wendy? Wendy, could you come up here, please? Come on up, Wendy. Wendy Testaburger, guys. [some of the kids clap, Wendy stands up and reluctantly walks over to Cartman] Wendy, go ahead. Be funny. [he holds the mic to her face, and she looks at him warily. He tried harder, she leans farther away] Say something funny, Wendy. We can't wait.
WENDY: I'm not funny.
CARTMAN: Hey, girls are funny, Wendy. Okay? Get over it. Just do women's comedy stuff. You know, talk about how fat you are and how you wanna have sex with guys and then say "my vagina" a lot.
WENDY: [even more offended] I don't feel like being funny right now.
CARTMAN: And that's just the kind of sexist bull-crap that's gonna keep you in the kitchen. Sit your ass down. [Wendy goes back to her spot on the gym floor]
WENDY: [whispers to Stan] You see, this is proof he could be Skankhunt42. It just had to have been him. Do you really think we find these replies funny?
STAN: Whatever he's doing, I know we can get to the bottom of things-
CARTMAN: DAMNIT, STANLEY! SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH! [Stan becomes silent]
CARTMAN: [clears throat] Now, where was I? This isn't a joke, you guys. Girls are funny. Bebe, why don't you come up here? Come on, Bebe.
BEBE: No!
CARTMAN: No? Come on, talk about havin' sex with guys, and say "vagina" and stuff like that. Go ahead. [looks her over quickly] Girls rule, women are funny. Bebe, get over yourself. Seriously.
BEBE: Get the mic out of my face!
CARTMAN: [moves away] Huh. Oh my God, that wasn't really all that funny. [Stan pinches the bridge of his nose in anger] That's weird. Um, let's see. Red? You have any zingers for the crowd? No? How about you, Nelly?
NELLY: Yeah, I got one. You're a fat fuck! [Butters got a great laugh out of that one, even Wendy gives off a quiet chuckle]
CARTMAN: Hey, I'm not fat! I- [then he quickly reassures himself] I mean that wasn't really funny, it was just angry.
NELLY: You see, what the problem is, is that when a little troll is allowed to say anything he wants anonymously, then he speaks for all you boys! [Stan and Kyle look at each other in bewilderment and confusion]
CARTMAN: 'K, that's good, now just try to say it a little funnier now.
NELLY: Go ahead and get on our school message board and see what he's saying about us! Then see if you guys think it's funny!
CARTMAN: Okay, and then, and then, and then just go, "my vagina."
STAN: [stands up] Okay, Cartman, that is enough! Listen, guys. Just because Cartman is the biggest, most bigoted asshole in this school, that does not mean he speaks for all of us boys here, okay? I mean I can give Butters some slack as Cartman usually makes him do these kinds of things. [Butters looks away in embarrassment] But just let you know that most of us boys here are kind, thoughtful and very understanding to the people around us. We all know that you're all going through a hard situation right now and we do want to help. Just give us some time, I'm sure we can all get to the bottom of this.
WENDY: Good for you, Stan.
CARTMAN: That's nice, Wendy, now then say "my vagina". [Stan and Wendy glare at him, angrily]
[South Park Elementary playground, later. Stan, Kyle and Kenny are all sitting by the shade of a tree, looking through the school message board on their phones. Stan is looking at some posts from Wendy on his message board, yet he couldn't seem to find any replies from Skankhunt42]
STAN: I don't get it, I just really don't get it. How could one troll possibly speak for all of us? It's not our fault Cartman's like this.
KENNY: (I dunno, maybe they're just pissed, I guess.)
STAN: Yes, Kenny, I know the girls are pissed, but that doesn't mean they can just blame the trolling on all of us! Someone has to be done about this!
KYLE: I think they called it German Collective Guilt, right? Where even the Germans who just did nothing while Hitler rose to power were, were maybe somehow also responsible?
KENNY: (What the fuck has that got to do with internet trolling, Kyle? I clearly wasn't responsible for all the shit he's done over the years, or anyone!)
KYLE: But we can't control what Cartman does, so, so why should we feel ashamed for what Cartman does?
STAN: All I can say is, dude, is that; I have absolutely no idea. Sure, Cartman has done some pretty fucked up stuff over the years, and I mean really fucked up, but that still doesn't mean if reflects on all of us just because of our gender. I'll give you this; there are boys who are nice and there are some boys who are just plain assholes, like Cartman. The same can be said for all the girls here.
KYLE: I know, Stan. I know. But if Cartman keeps this up, or I think it's him, this could effect badly on our school.
[South Park Elementary, preschool room. Class is in session]
TEACHER: Alright kids, today we have a very special treat. One of the older students has written an original children's story and is going to read it to you. Come on over, Eric.
CARTMAN: [enters] Hi guys! [takes a seat] Are you all ready to hear a story?
PRESCHOOLERS: Yeah!
CARTMAN: This was a book I created all with my imagination. It's called "Little Red Riding Kyle. The story of a little gay boy and his adventure with four hilarious women. One day, Little Red Riding Kyle was walking through the forest thinking about guys."
[Kyle is walking down the hallway, in thought, when he overhears Cartman reading a story about him and becomes enraged]
CARTMAN: "He was on his way to visit his grandma, who was a little black boy named Token." Get over it. "But then, a big bad wolf who was a hilarious woman named Janet walked into the house and said 'I have a large vagina' and traded place-" [Kyle enters and pull him out of the room.]
[The hallway, moments later. Kyle shuts the door behind him]
KYLE: What the hell are you doing?!
CARTMAN: Rewriting fairy tales to try and ease the friction caused by Internet trolls, you got a problem with that?
KYLE: [stutters incoherently for a bit before finding his voice] You really think you're fooling anyone with these little antics of yours?! Everyone knows you're acting this way by day so you can be horrible to people on the Internet at night!
CARTMAN: [dismissive] Why would I do that, Kyle?
KYLE: I don't really care! Just don't drag me into it! [takes Cartman's book and slams it down on the floor, then walks away angrily]
CARTMAN: Oh yeah?! Well at least I'm not the one who's- who's Jewish! Yeah, that's right!
[South Park Elementary, later that day. The kids are in the hallway, and Clyde is laughing at something on his phone. Jimmy, Craig, and Token stop and look at him as Stan passes by them]
CLYDE: Haha! You guys see what Skankhunt42 did on the school server now? Hehe, he photoshopped a picture of Heidi Turner's mom with a dick in her mouth!
[Stan stops dead, aghast]
JIMMY: I w-wanna see.
CLYDE: [shows the other boys] Look! There's Nelly's mom with a dick in her mouth too! [Jimmy laughs and takes a closer look while Craig and Token are stunned. Stan overhears them, runs over to them and snatches Clyde's phone from him]
STAN: Gimme that! Do you guys even care how this makes the girls feel?!
TOKEN: We didn't do it.
STAN: Yeah, but we all know who did it! And if we don't do something, then the girls will eventually retaliate against us! And we don't want that, now do we?!
CRAIG: No, of course not!
CARTMAN: [from a distance] Help! [the other boys see him as he runs to them] You guys! Augh! Aw! [reaches the other boys] Seriously!
CLYDE: What the hell happened?!
CARTMAN: A bunch of girls! They cornered me in the gym! They said all boys needed to pay! They kicked and they hit me and, and they kept me down and drew this vagina on my face! [well, it's there, but with a pair of testicles attached to it] They said it was to send a message!
JIMMY: That's a v-v-vagina?
CARTMAN: Yeah. See, here's the top of the vagina and there's the balls. [Stan has lost interest] It's starting, you guys! None of us is safe anymore!
CRAIG: [flatly] I didn't know vagina had balls.
CARTMAN: Yeah, no, they do! Vaginas totally have balls! Right?
STAN: [pinches his nose] Goddamnit, you're just trying to start a war, aren't you?!
CARTMAN: What do you mean? If vaginas don't have balls, what do they have? I'm being seriously, okay?! I'm not the troll!
STAN: It's not gonna work, Cartman! I'm not gonna let you divide boys and girls in this school anymore! when this whole thing comes to an end, you're gonna be all on your own! [walks away with the other boys following behind]
CARTMAN: [loses his temper] GODDAMNIT, WILL YOU ALL LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE?! I'M NOT THE GODDAMN TROLL, ALRIGHT?! JUST FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! I'M NOT SKANKHUNT42!
[Stan approaches Wendy at her locker]
WENDY: Any luck yet, Stan?
STAN: [tired] No, not yet. Jesus Christ, how bad could this get? Y-you don't think I was behind all this trolling, do you?!
WENDY: Why would I think that?! You know I would never blame you for something as fucked up as this!
STAN: I know you wouldn't, nor would I do to anyone in this school! But making us boys out to be the bad guys just because of what one person is doing on the internet, well that's just saying something!
WENDY: Well that's the problem with society nowadays; even if you did nothing wrong, you'll be put in a bad light depending on what your gender is. See, it doesn't matter what gender you are or race even, it's who you are as a person that matters. I know you're just trying to sort things out for us and I respect that.
STAN: T-thank you, Wendy.
[Wendy kisses him before she leaves, Stan tries not to throw up, but does anyway. Two girls have been watching and are grossed out]
ANNIE: Ew, gross boy just threw up!
NELLY: Why do we have to be near them? They're a danger to us all! [Stan is stunned by this, then glares back at them in anger]
[The end of the school day, all the kids pour out of the school while Stan walks by the shade of a tree and rests there for a few minutes, until-]
CARTMAN: Hey Stan. Got a minute?
[Stan opens his eyes to find Cartman staring right at him]
STAN: [startled] Aah! What the hell do you want?!
CARTMAN: You were right, Stan. Okay? I drew the vagina on my face. I tried to fool people, but you keenly noticed my one tiny error in that girls don't have balls.
STAN: That's because girls don't have balls, stupid.
CARTMAN: Stan, you have to try and appreciate what I'm doing. I know that a war is coming between us and the girls. I knew it the moment they sat out the National Anthem.
STAN: [annoyed] They sat it out because you were harassing them online. Now go away so I can think this through myself.
CARTMAN: [quietly] Oh, god fucking damn you. [clearly] Suppose for one second that I'm not Skankhunt42. And that I really have been doing what I've been doing to try and stop the damage he has done?
STAN: As if I'm really gonna believe in that type of bullshit, no one even knew about this troll until now and we don't know what to do with it! Why would you care?!
CARTMAN: 'Cause I'm scared, Stanny-boy. I don't know if you've noticed, but race wars are back. And now if we get gender wars too?
STAN: [stands up and looks around for a bit, concerned] Well, erm, if we could just prove who the troll was, then the girls wouldn't be wanting a war, would they?!
CARTMAN: Yeah but... you can't track down an Internet troll, it's too bad. I'm being seriously, Stan.
STAN: Just know this, Cartman! I'm going to prove who Skankhunt42 is, whatever it takes! Everyone is going to know! And Skankhunt is gonna pay for everything he's! ever! said! You got that?
CARTMAN: Clear as crystal meth, I know. Screw you Stan, I'm going home.
[Cartman walks away, leaving Stan on his own to think about the whole situation]
STAN: [worried] This can't be true. What if the girls do protest against us? [gasp] What if Wendy joins in their protest? I can't bear losing her to them, no way! [takes a deep breath to reassure himself] It's okay, I've made myself a promise, to me, my best friend and my girlfriend. There is a cancer in our school right now, and I'm not going to rest until Skankhunt42's true identity has been revealed to the public eye! And nothing in this world is going to stop me!
[Marsh residence, night. Stan is at his living room, watching the sports channel. On the screen, Jim and Mike are back, this time commenting on the '49ers/Panthers game]
MIKE: Hello everyone, we are live at tonight's game between the '49ers and the Panthers, but of course what everyone is really here for, the unveiling of the new National Anthem rebooted by J.J. Abrams.
STAN: New anthem?
JIM: And Mike, this new anthem is said to have everything the old one had but, some new surprises as well. You'd have to be an absolute asshole not to stand and support it.
STAN: Oh, come on.
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen-
[Randy comes into the living room and sees that they're going to showcase the new National Anthem for the first time]
RANDY: Holy crap, I've gotta see this! [he sits on the couch next to Stan]
STAN: Hey! Dad!
RANDY: Shh, son! It's about to start!
JIM: And the Anthem begins, let's hope this fixes America.
ANNOUNCER: For our National Anthem we now ask you all in solidarity to please rise. Or sit, or take a knee, in order to honor America. [Kaepernick, who has taken a knee, is as confused as anyone else]
STAN: Oh, you've gotta be fucking kidding me.
JIM: Ohhh! And J.J. Abrams has absolutely shattered expectations, Mike! Now whether people are standing, sitting, or kneeling, they are all honoring America. J.J. Abrams is a wizard, Tom. A wizard. [Colin Kaepernick is also trying to figure out what to do]
MIKE: More people sitting now as Abrams has made it irrelevant. Who saw this coming?
JIM: And there's the rest of the Anthem, all the parts we remembered and loved. J.J. Abrams has fixed America.
STAN: [yawns] I should be going to bed now, dad. Enjoy the rest of the anthem.
RANDY: Sure thing, Stanley. See you tomorrow.
[Stan leaves the living room and into his own room. He crashes down into his bed, gets his phone out and checks the school message board. He then sees a picture of girl's mother with a dick in her mouth and is disgusted by this]
STAN: Goddamn, is he still going on with this? [groans] This can't go on. If this whole thing keeps going like this, something bad might happen to us. [He attempts to text one of his friends, but has a second thought] Nah, best save it 'till tomorrow.
[South Park Elementary, next morning. Stan approaches Kyle by his locker]
STAN: Hey, Kyle. Uh, did you stay up to watch the new National Anthem last night?
KYLE: The what?
STAN: The new National Anthem by J.J Abrams, you know the same guy who saved Star Wars or something like that.
KYLE: Oh that? Yeah, it sucked.
STAN: Kyle, you don't think the girls would ever try and start a gender war against us, right?
KYLE: Dude, why would they think that?
STAN: Because- because of this whole trolling thing! It's spreading like wildfire right now and I keep having this strange feeling that something bad will happen to all of us if we don't do something about this!
WENDY: [approaches the two boys] What's going on?
STAN: Uh, nothing Wendy. Actually, let me ask you this; what would you do if a gender war happened in the school?
WENDY: A what?! That's ridiculous! What makes you think we would start war against boys just because of some measly hateful comments on our message board? Seriously, Stan, you're overreacting about this! The best thing to do when dealing with an internet troll is to block them, report them and ignore it.
STAN: But he was photoshopping dicks in their moms' mouths! That's why I'm so nervous about it! We're really sure that Cartman is the one behind all of this and is just doing these things to get attention like drawing a you-know-what on his face, I think it's really certain it was him! But blaming his actions on us just because of our gender and maybe starting a protest against us would be like crossing the line altogether! It really needs to stop before it's too late! [he then turns around away from his two friends, concerned] I hope…
[Later at the school gymnasium, the parents of South Park Elementary students are watching a presentation by Dr. Schroeder about internet trolls]
DR. SCHROEDER: Nobody is safe. Nobody can hide from these monsters. Internet trolls are truly predators of society. As parents we find it hard to believe our children are doing these things online, and that is why I've been asked to come and speak to you about the student who has been trolling your school message boards.
[He changes the PowerPoint slide, showing a defaced picture of Heidi Turner's mother an example of internet trolling by Skankhunt42]
DR. SCHROEDER: This troll is known only as Skankhunt42. [He cycles to the next slide] We believe it probable he's one of the boy students here, since his favorite target seems to be women. Here, you can see Heidi Turner's mother photo shopped with a penis in her mouth, after she defended her daughter's right to sit out the national anthem.
[The crowd gasps and talk among each other]
DR. SCHROEDER: Since then, this child has been trolling all over the internet. Visiting message boards, and social media, and filling it with vile comments and hate-filled garbage. [Gerald smiles as Dr. Schroeder talks] But trolling is on the rise with teenagers, and we all need to come together to stop it. We need every parent to look for the signs in their own child.
[He changes PowerPoint to a slide titled 'Signs That my Child is a Troll']
DR. SCHROEDER: In order for us to find these secretive monsters, we need all parents to ask themselves: "Could my child be a troll?".
[Sheila and Gerald's car, at night and after the PTA meeting]
SHEILA: My God, what children are capable of now. What kind of hate would have to be in that child's heart?
GERALD: Well, you never know, could be someone who just, kind of thinks it's funny to stir the pot and watch everyone freak out. [Sheila gives Gerald a questioning look] Uh, you know! Maybe the fact that it's so not funny makes it somehow funny, to kids? Gosh, I-I certainly don't understand it.
[A bridge over a river, snowing. The same picture is reposted by Butters on Twitter, and Heidi looks at it on her phone sadly. Heidi then slowly walks to the side edge of the bridge. Surveying the drop, she types on her phone whilst tearing up. A splash is heard, and two white birds fly past]
TO BE CONTINUED…