Lackadaisy: Heller the Bodyguard

by Purkso Livin

Speakeasy gunman Mordecai Heller is suddenly ordered to be the bodyguard for a young woman. Not only that, the averse to romance and interpersonal relationships tuxedo cat has to pretend to be in a relationship with her on those same orders. While the idea certainly makes Mordecai extremely uncomfortable, will he come to enjoy his time spent with his charge?

1. Chapter 1

AN: Hello, readers. Here is my new story for a completely new fandom. I found Lackadaisy earlier this year and was quickly intrigued by its premise and its characters. One of the most interesting characters and the focus of this story, of course, was Mordecai Heller. I've found that he is the focus of a large majority of fanfics concerning the Lackadaisy world across the internet. I guess he just lends himself well to people's imaginations. Anyway, this story will contain versions of events that will likely not happen once Tracy Butler, the creator, returns to the webcomic after the animation is done. Despite that, I hope this story finds an audience that enjoys it.

Ch 1: A Bodyguard/Boyfriend?

Mordecai Heller enters the Marigold Club flanked by his two associates, the Savoys. All three are intimidating, but the tuxedo cat is the most frightening of them with his all black attire, serious disposition, and soulless emerald green eyes with pince-nez glasses in front of them.

"Peekon?" Nicodeme 'Nico' Savoy asks Mordecai in his strong Cajun accent. The broad shouldered light gray tom looks over at the other with his easygoing yet unsettling smile. "Why did you not let us play with the man?"

The tuxedo cat keeps looking straight ahead as he walks forward. "I thoroughly finished our assignment. I was not under the impression I was obligated to allow the two of you any time with Mr Grombach."

"Aww, Chère," Serafine Savoy says in a false hurt tone with the same accent as her older brother. "After we invited you to our party, this is how you repay us?" She sets her hands on the hips of her pinstripe suit.

Mordecai mentally cringes at the memory of that whole voodoo gathering. "As I recall, I arrived at your dwelling because you did not meet with me at the agreed upon location on time. I could very well accuse the both of you of having lured me there."

"How rude," Nico says playfully while he messes with the red bandana that's tied around his own neck.

Serafine looks mad, accentuated by the greasy black hair curled around her face. "I think you should thank us. We gave you the protection."

Mordecai recalls the mark that the pair had forcibly carved into his chest and had claimed to be 'protection'. He is already plotting ways to get revenge. "I will certainly not forget."

A Marigold employee approaches the trio. "Boss wants to see you." When all three start to move, he holds a hand up. "Not all of you." He points at Mordecai. "Just him."

The Savoy siblings are very amused by this, their golden eyes almost seeming to shine at the idea of trouble for the tuxedo cat.

Serafine gives a slimy grin. "Did the professional do something wrong?"

Mordecai adjusts his pince-nez glasses. "Not that I am aware of." 'At least not that I am aware Asa Sweet could possibly know about.' He walks in the direction of Mr Sweet's office.

"Good luck, Peekon," Nico calls after the tuxedo cat as he ruffles his own dark gray hair.

'What does that name the neanderthal repeatedly calls me even mean? Perhaps I do not really wish to know the definition. His tone when he says it is certainly not pleasing to my ears.' Mordecai knocks on the door to Mr Sweet's office. Hearing his employer's response, the tuxedo cat enters the room. "You wished to see me, Mr Sweet?"

The fat brown cat is slumped in his chair looking weary. "Have a seat."

Mordecai takes the chair in front of his employer's desk. 'Have I been discovered? Only Asa and myself are in the room, which makes that unlikely. He would have a number of gunmen in the room with us to protect him if that were the case.'

"Just got off the phone with an old school friend. He called in a solid you owe me."

'I appear to be safe.' "What is the favor this man has asked of you?"

"You ever heard of Bartholomew Henry?"

Mordecai searches his brain for the answer. "If I recall correctly, Mr Bartholomew Henry is the owner of a clothing manufacturing company based in Chicago, Illinois."

"That's right. He's coming to St Louis in three days for a two week business trip. Bart's bringing his daughter with him. Her name's Clara. Wants me to provide her a bodyguard."

"Is Mr Henry aware that this is a speakeasy and not a bodyguard service?"

"He is, but he feels someone from a place like this would have less moral quandaries bout getting things done."

"Why am I specifically being told about this?"

"Bart asked for you to be his daughter's bodyguard."

Mordecai stares at Asa Sweet. "Is this some form of joke I do not understand?"

"Wish it was."

"Mr Sweet, I have multiple different responsibilities as part of the Marigold Club which I am vastly better suited for than to be the protector of some millionaire's daughter." 'Partaking in this position would also take me away from my true mission.' "I am afraid I will have to decline being the bodyguard of Mr Henry's daughter."

"This ain't a choice, Mordecai. If I don't provide Bart a bodyguard for his daughter, he's gonna use his connections to send the Feds right here."

That claim stuns the tuxedo cat. "You are serious?"

"Bart has them on standby ready to storm in. We'd never warn the customers in time."

'This Bartholomew Henry is ruining everything!' "How does this Mr Henry know of me and why ask for me specifically?"

"Already said he has connections. Bart knows you're the consummate professional of the Marigold Club. He wants somebody he thinks won't take advantage of his daughter."

"Take advantage?"

"She's a pretty young thing, eighteen, the kind most men'd be real excited to spend nights with."

"I do not follow."

Asa Sweet feels frustrated that Mordecai's social cluelessness is choosing now to rear its ugly head. "What do men and women do to make kids?"

As the tuxedo cat comes up with the answer, he finally figures out what it was Asa Sweet had been talking about. "I see what you mean. I do believe the act of mating is vile and unclean. Therefore, I have no interest in ever partaking in said activity. Still, is there absolutely no one in Mr Henry's employ he can trust with such an assignment?"

"None as talented as you. Bart also said his daughter had thoroughly annoyed them all to the point they're unwilling to be in charge of her long term."

That's certainly not something Mordecai wanted to hear. "What of Miss Savoy? Having a woman as Miss Henry's bodyguard would solve all apparent issues."

"There's rumors Serafine has a thing for ladies. Even without that, would you trust her to keep anybody alive?"

Suddenly, Mordecai feels very foolish for even suggesting Serafine Savoy as a bodyguard in the first place. "Other than herself, her brother, and you while you are offering to pay the pair quite handsomely, the thought of Miss Savoy putting any effort into keeping someone alive does seem ridiculous."

Asa Sweet goes to his phone. "I'll call Bart, let him know I talked with you. No raids on us tonight."

The tuxedo cat remains stoic on the outside. However, on the inside, he's panicking quite angrily. 'Everything is ruined now! The leads I have been searching for could be lost while I am wasting time guarding this Bartholomew Henry's apparently annoying daughter! The truth may never be discovered because of this! I need to warn Mitzi.'

The next day…

Mordecai has taken a table right outside a restaurant. 'I know Mitzi occasionally walks by this area. Hopefully, today is one of those times.' While he waits, the tuxedo cat thinks over the events that led here.

Ever since the death of Atlas May, the founder and owner of the Lackadaisy speakeasy, as well as Mordecai's former employer, the tuxedo cat has been working undercover at Asa Sweet's Marigold Club on the orders of Atlas's widow, Mitzi. She suspects that Asa had something to do with her husband's murder and knew Mordecai was the only one capable of finding that out. Of course, to convince Asa Sweet of his defection, the tuxedo cat had to do a couple things that hurt Lackadaisy. He cleaned out the storeroom of all its weapons on his way out, then gave them as a gift to the Marigold Club. The tuxedo cat's worst act though was kneecapping Viktor Vasko, his former business partner. Despite their frequent arguments, Mordecai holds slight respect for that older, one eyed Slovak. When Atlas May was still alive, the pair were the perfect enforcer team, Viktor as the intimidating muscle and Mordecai as the professional gunman. The tuxedo cat did not want to end up forced to kill the man on Asa Sweet's orders, so he tried to convince Viktor to retire. When the red furred Slovak refused…desperate times call for desperate measures.

Appearing walking down the sidewalk is Mitzi May, her usual mysterious glamour about her. Her purple dress and feather boa makes the slightly older woman appear like royalty despite her current monetary woes. Her soft green eyes, which contrast elegantly with her brown fur and short brown hair, are on the lookout for Mordecai in case he has drastic news to report.

Accompanying the current owner of the struggling Lackadaisy is an orange tabby named Calvin McMurray, also known as Freckle by his cousin, Rocky, and his somewhat girlfriend, Ivy Pepper. The boyish faced man is the first to see Mordecai sitting at the table and he stiffens with fear, his already wide golden eyes becoming even wider.

Seeing Freckle's reaction and the reason for it, Mitzi defuses the situation. "Calvin Dear, why don't we stop here for a little lunch?"

The orange tabby looks very much opposed to the idea, but Mitzi's gentle Southern drawl is an odd comfort to the eighteen year old. "If that's what you want, Ms May."

The two head to the farthest available table from Mordecai. Freckle, young gentleman he is, pulls out Mitzi's chair for her before taking his own seat across from her.

A waiter comes to take the pair's order.

"Would you mind waiting a moment, Sir?" Mitzi asks the server. "I'm afraid I have to go powder my nose." She gets back up and heads inside.

Having spent a lot of his youth with a mother and two sisters, Mordecai knows that when a woman says she wants to powder her nose, it is code for using the restroom. The need for such a code has always baffled and annoyed the tuxedo cat. Feeling a gust of wind is getting ready to blow through, Mordecai removes his hat and purposely holds it loosely in his fingers. He uses a handkerchief to dab at his head. The gust comes through and the hat slips from Mordecai's hand.

Freckle sees the hat coming and grabs it.

Mordecai gets up and starts heading over.

The orange tabby feels terror despite having been informed by Mitzi that the tuxedo cat is a double agent that's working for them. Remembering Mordecai has a preference for cleanliness and order, Freckle grabs his napkin and quickly wipes the hat all over with it. Just as the tuxedo cat reaches him, the orange tom throws his napkin back onto the table and holds the hat out.

Mordecai takes a moment to study the younger man. 'I remember him from the lunch Asa forced me to attend with him where we met with Mitzi. She brought this near child as well as Mr Roark Rickaby from the band. Lackadaisy must truly be on its last leg to even think of hiring this perpetually frightened young man.' "I do appreciate you attempting to cleanse my hat, Sir." The tuxedo cat reaches out a hand to grab his hat, discreetly slipping a piece of paper out of his sleeve in the process.

Freckle takes the paper, the hat hiding this action from any passerby. "You're welcome."

Mordecai places his hat back on his head and returns to his table.

Soon after, Mitzi returns with a magazine in her hands. As Freckle pulls her chair out for her once again, the brown haired woman secretly takes the paper with the magazine covering up the action.

Mordecai continues waiting for his lunch to arrive. He'd purposely skipped breakfast for this exchange to work, a large lunch taking a long time to make. He listens for whatever Mitzi's reaction might be to his message. 'I included every bit of information that I have collected so far, which may mitigate some of the disappointment of this unfortunate turn of events. Still though, is Mitzi going to gasp? Groan? Burst into tears?'

At the other table, the older woman starts laughing.

Mordecai is momentarily confused, but then he mentally chastises himself. 'Why should I have expected anything different? She has always found my misfortunes amusing. I still would think Mitzi would feel some form of distress at the thought of the possible conspiracy around her husband's death being covered up permanently. Perhaps the information that I acquired from Mr Grombach was enough to keep her from losing hope?'

A waiter arrives with Mordecai's substantial order. "Here is your meal, Sir."

The tuxedo cat stands. "Apologies, but I must use your facilities."

"The what now?"

"Your restroom."

"Oh, of course, Sir."

Mordecai pulls out a few dollars. "Make certain no one makes contact with my meal and that includes yourself. If the deed is accomplished to my satisfaction, you will receive double."

The waiter takes the money with a big smile. "Yes, Sir."

The tuxedo cat glares at the other cat. "Believe me when I say I will know if my food has been contaminated in any way."

The waiter gulps and nods as Mordecai walks away.

Mitzi quickly writes on the other side of the paper she received from Mordecai, discreetly removes one of her earrings, hides it in her handbag, then approaches the waiter over at the other table. "Pardon me, but I seem to have lost one of my earrings. I'm certain it fell off somewhere round here. Would you mind helping me?"

Despite his fear of Mordecai, the waiter just finds Mitzi much too alluring to resist. "My pleasure, Ma'am." He crouches down and starts looking all over for the bit of jewelry.

"Kind and handsome." Mitzi slips the piece of paper under Mordecai's napkin during the little speech. The crafty woman then proceeds to crouch down, distract the waiter with a coy and flirty wink, and slip the earring from her handbag to a place the man will easily find it.

The waiter sees an earring on the ground and quickly snatches it up to present to the very attractive brown cat. "Is this it?"

Mitzi lets out a gasp. "You found it." She takes back the earring, stands up, and places it back on her ear. Continuing to play up her "gratitude", the brunette places a hand on the waiter's shoulder. "My hero." She gives his cheek a light peck.

The waiter laughs nervously. "It was nothing. Really." He watches Mitzi go back to her table, the poor fellow completely infatuated with her. Seeing the young man that's sitting across from the beautiful woman, the waiter scowls.

Freckle leans towards his employer. "Ms May? Why is that waiter staring at me as if he wishes I'd drop dead?"

Mitzi waves off the concern. "He's just jealous. No need to worry bout it."

Mordecai soon returns and starts checking his food.

The waiter feels fear grip him as he realizes he stopped paying attention to the meal since Mitzi had approached him.

Deeming the state of his food as good enough, the tuxedo cat holds out a few more dollar bills. "Doubled as promised."

"Thank you, Sir," the waiter says feeling very relieved as he walks away with the tip.

Mordecai sits down and starts to eat. Taking a moment to pick up the napkin, he quickly reads the message from Mitzi before dabbing at his mouth.

Later that night…

Mordecai parks his car and gets out to start the walk to the meeting place with Mitzi. He is relieved to be out of the car. The tuxedo cat never likes driving anywhere on his own. During Atlas's time when he worked with Viktor, the Slovak would drive while Mordecai took the front passenger seat. With his current associates, the Savoys, they ride up front while he takes the very center of the back seats. In both situations, it made the seating arrangements symmetrical. 'The perfection that is symmetry.' Mordecai arrives at an abandoned shed and knocks on the door.

"Who is it?" comes a nervous male voice.

"Mordecai Heller. I was not followed."

The door opens, allowing the tuxedo cat to slip inside.

Looking around, Mordecai is pleasantly surprised. "Considering just how dilapidated the exterior of this hovel is, I am impressed with how immaculate the interior is by comparison."

"That's our doing," says a nearby Mitzi. "Didn't wanna risk you wasting any of our time cause of your need for having things clean."

"You find cleanliness annoying? How utterly baffling." Mordecai glances behind him at the one guarding the now closed door. "You again?"

Freckle stays silent.

The tuxedo cat turns to Mitzi. "Are you certain it is wise to include this newer hire in on our business?"

"Calvin here's the quiet kind and he's dynamite with guns. I'd certainly never have seen that coming with a cousin of Rocky's."

That makes Mordecai take another look at the orange tabby. 'This timid child is actually the cousin of that grinning, loud, nonsensical violin player that is now attempting to play being a rumrunner? I never would have guessed. As for him being proficient with firearms, the constant worried expression on his face makes me doubtful.'

"Enough bout young Mr McMurray, Mordecai." Mitzi gives a little teasing smile. "Let's talk bout your new girlfriend."

The tuxedo cat glares at the older woman. "You know very well that the young woman is not my girlfriend. I am going to be her bodyguard."

"But your note said you had to pretend to be her boyfriend."

"Mr Bartholomew Henry's logic is that if I were publicly acknowledged as his daughter's bodyguard, it would be seen as a challenge by his enemies. As her pretend boyfriend, those same enemies would fear my supposed wrath."

Mitzi lets out an amused hum. "Ivy likes keeping us at Lackadaisy informed on all them current events. Just today, she told me Miss Clara Henry has a fiancé in college. How exactly is this act of yours supposed to work and all without some major nationwide scandal coming out of it?"

"The cover story is that they have some manner of falling out between them and she dates me in order to 'get over him'. The night before the Henrys are to return to Chicago, this fiancé, a Mr Maxwell Mason, is supposed to arrive in St Louis to 'win her back' and the two shall proceed to 'reconcile'. Once that occurs, I will finally be freed from that bothersome charade."

Mitzi smiles. "For two weeks though, you'll have to be a good enough actor to make the public believe you're a happy couple. That's the real reason behind this meeting. You're in need of lessons on how to act with her and how to treat her in public."

Mordecai scowls. "You must be joking."

"As entertaining as it was at the time, Mordecai, we can't be having you doing something like hiding behind a ficus when those two ladies were upset with you."

The tuxedo cat stiffens with embarrassment at that situation being brought up once again. "I still maintain that inquiring if the crowd dancing appears to be fun should never be considered asking someone to dance."

Freckle has to stop himself from chuckling. 'Wow. Makes me feel like an expert with Ivy by comparison.'

Mitzi sighs. "Mordecai, we can't afford for you to act in that manner towards Miss Clara Henry. I'll show you how you need to behave."

The tuxedo cat's eye twitches. "Must you?"

"If you'd rather, I could send Calvin here to bring in Ivy instead."

"NO!" Freckle screams out. Seeing the eyes now on him, the orange tabby looks down at the floor feeling embarrassed.

"Sorry bout that. He's Ivy's new beau."

"Is Viktor aware?" asks Mordecai. "For whatever reason, that man has always been quite protective of Atlas's goddaughter. He has frightened away Miss Pepper's previous suitors either through intimidation, threats, or even going so far as to brutally maul them."

Freckle shivers at all of this.

"To get us back on topic, I do not recommend bringing Miss Pepper here. The end result would likely be quite negative."

The still distrustful Freckle misunderstands what Mordecai meant. "Are you threatening Ivy?"

The tuxedo cat glances back at the orange tabby. "Mr McMurray…"

Quick as a flash, Freckle pulls out a tommy gun and aims right at Mordecai's head. "You stay away from Ivy! Got it?!"

The tuxedo cat freezes, completely blindsided by this change.

A grin appears on the orange tabby's face. "Threaten her again! I dare you! You'll never live to regret it!"

Mitzi places herself between the two. "Calvin, there was no threat. Those two just don't get along. Put the gun down."

Freckle's grin vanishes, replaced with a look of guilt as he hides the gun away.

Mordecai stares at the orange tom. 'That was rather unsettling. I let my guard down with Mr McMurray because he appears harmless. I never would have believed he could best me until now. He shares the same grin with his cousin, Roark Rickaby. The difference lies in their intent. Mr Rickaby seems naturally predisposed to smiling, very much to the point of foolishness. Young Mr McMurray, on the other hand, was eager to end me. Not only is he an expert gunman, he can hide it with absolute ease. The dichotomy of his current innocent looking facade and the trigger happy lunatic that was almost unleashed on me is jarring. It is as if there are two men sharing a single body.' Mordecai steps back from Mitzi and sets his back against a nearby wall. Honestly, the tuxedo cat doesn't want to have his back to Freckle again.

Mitzi turns to Mordecai. "We've wasted enough time. If you want this bodyguard job to go as smoothly as possible, you'll be needing the lessons. Understand?"

The tuxedo cat sighs. "Perfectly. What is lesson one?"

Mitzi places herself beside Mordecai. "How to go walking together in public. Stick your elbow out."

The tuxedo cat does as requested. He then stiffens and his face scrunches up with disgust as his employer wraps an arm around his own.

"You'll need to fix that look of somebody placing something smelly in front of you."

"Mitzi, you are aware that I am not enthusiastic about touching."

"Quite the career you've chosen in that regard."

"Where it concerns eliminating problem individuals and parties for my employers, I have the ability to detach my mind from the situation." Mordecai quickly glances at Mitzi's arm in his and shudders. "That, unfortunately, cannot be applied here."

Freckle raises a hand. "May I make a suggestion?"

Mitzi smiles at her newest hire. "Go right ahead."

"Maybe Mordecai should come up with some words to encourage or distract himself."

The tuxedo cat scoffs. "And what would that possibly be?"

Freckle takes a few moments to think it over. "How about 'I will not allow this to defeat me'?"

Mordecai is offended by that question. "Are you suggesting that I am being defeated?"

The orange tabby shrugs. "Can you honestly say that you're not?"

The tuxedo cat shuts his eyes in order to not glare at the younger man (he doesn't want to risk Freckle's violent side coming back out to play). What's really angering Mordecai about this situation is that he can't say he isn't being defeated right now. So, he takes a very deep breath in and out before succumbing to the inevitable. "I will not allow this to defeat me. I will not allow this to defeat me."

"You can't be saying that out loud in public, Mordecai," Mitzi informs the tuxedo cat.

"You did not need to warn me of that, Mitzi. I am completely aware of how suspicious it would be to be heard saying those words."

"That's news to me." Once she's certain Mordecai has had enough time to get used to her arm being wrapped around his, Mitzi tugs him forward. "Now, we walk."

The tuxedo cat allows the older woman to lead him in a circle around the room due to his inexperience.

"Keep a decent pace. Don't drag her along, but don't hold her back either."

"Noted. While we are in the midst of this lesson, I wish to ask a rather pressing question. Are you not distressed?"

"Distressed? Over what?"

"Being Miss Clara Henry's bodyguard has essentially ended your original mission for me at the Marigold Club. Are you not concerned that the evidence of Asa's possible involvement in Atlas's death could be lost forever?"

Mitzi smiles. "I believe you've given us plenty to use. I'll be sending Calvin and Ivy out to look into this Agent Drago."

Mordecai looks over at his employer with a surprised look. "You would actually involve Miss Pepper in speakeasy business?"

"Viktor's in no condition to do so and Ivy basically volunteered. The only ones able and willing to help Lackadaisy right now are her, Calvin, and Rocky. Would you want Rocky getting involved in a surveillance job?"

"Considering he is loud and a complete fool, it is certainly for the best that Mr Rickaby is not involved."

"He's not a fool," Calvin says in his eccentric cousin's defense. "He's just different with how he thinks."

Mitzi gives the orange tabby a smile before bringing her focus back to Mordecai. "Now, let's move on to lesson two."

The tuxedo cat has to stop himself from groaning. 'Lesson two out of three nights' worth of lessons.'

AN: With this first chapter, the story is set. Mordecai is forced to be the bodyguard of a young heiress and has to pretend to be her boyfriend for the public eye. I'd just like to say that I have no idea if Mordecai in universe actually knows how to drive or simply chooses not to. After all, I've yet to actually see him behind the wheel in any comic material. If Tracy has confirmed that he doesn't know how to drive during one of the streams, I'll simply say I'm sorry, but I can't change this now and it's also important for the rest of the story to come. Also, once again, I'd like to stress that certain motivations and reasonings are from my own imagination, so Mordecai being at the Marigold Club on Mitzi's orders may not reflect the original webcomic's story in the end. With all that said, here's hoping you've all enjoyed what's here so far and continue to follow this fan fiction. See you again on Saturday!