Brooklyn

Steve was a hypocrite, he knew that. He was a big ass hypocrite. He was very well aware of that. He was working as a counselor, telling people each week that talking helped, but he refused to talk about what was going on with him. He couldn't talk about it, it just hurt too fucking much. He couldn't even talk to Bucky about it, and they had always talked about everything. He talked with the others about Tony and it hurt, but he couldn't...He just couldn't talk about her. He'd lost so many people that he loved, but losing her was... He was barely holding it together. He knew that he was depressed because of his grief, but he didn't try to dwell too much on it. People still needed him. He wasn't Captain America anymore, but he was still needed. By the people who came to him for counseling and by his friends and family. That was the only thing that kept him going.

He wanted to stay in bed all day, but he had to get up. He knew that she would want him to get up.

We have what we have when we have it.

And now he had nothing. Liho jumped onto his bed and bumped her head against his arm. She was hungry and wanted food. Steve scratched her behind her ears and she purred. He still had no clue how Liho had managed to survive the destruction of the compound. He'd heard her scared meows after the battle was won and decided on the spot to take her in.

He'd never liked cats, had been allergic to them before the serum, and he had been convinced that Liho hated him judging by her behavior towards him when he'd been visiting her at the compound, but now Liho was all he had left of her. He now loved the damn cat and she had grown to love him, too. They both had lost the person they loved most in the world and that had bonded them for life.

Steve got out of bed ( he knew that Liho was the reason he managed to leave his bed most days) and walked to the kitchen, the black feline right behind him. He got her food out of the cupboard and filled her bowl before he changed her water. She bumped his ankle as a thank you and started to eat. He changed into work out clothes and left the apartment for a run. He returned two hours later and found Liho napping on the couch, curled into a little ball. He had to look away, remembering how Liho had curled herself into a ball when she was sleeping in her lap. Even thinking her name was too painful. He was a giant mess.

He heard his phone buzzing in the bedroom where he'd left it. He went to check it and saw that Bucky had asked him to meet him and his friend Yori for lunch. He didn't really want to go, but Steve knew that it was unhealthy to shut his friends and family out. They still needed him and truth to be told he needed them too. Probably more than they needed him. He texted Bucky that he would come and then went to take a shower.

Bucky and Yori were already inside the sushi bar, sitting at a table. Steve took a deep breath and walked inside. He had to keep living, she would be furious with him if he didn't. Both men had waited with their order and Leah, a waitress, came to their table after Steve sat down. He sometimes joined them for their lunch meetings, still confused how Bucky and Yori had even become friends. And while Steve had a slight idea why they'd met, it seemed that Bucky didn't want to elaborate on it.

"One of you should ask her out." Yori said after Leah left the table with their orders.

Bucky almost choked on his beer. "No." He said eventually. "She's too good for me."

Yori looked at Steve. "Then what about you?"

Steve opened his mouth and then closed it again. His thoughts immediately went to her, how he had wanted to ask her out for years and years and never had found the courage. How much he loved her, how much he missed her. How lost he was without her.

Yori's expression changed. "I understand." He said softly. "I lost my wife and son."

Bucky looked away and Steve closed his eyes. It appeared his suspicion had been right. Had the Winter Soldier killed one or both of them?

Leah broke the awkward tension by arriving with their food. They ate their sushi while Yori told them about who had died in his neighborhood and complained that his favorite show got cancelled.

Bucky wanted to accompany Yori to his doctor's appointment and Steve watched the two men walk away. Steve was in no position to judge Bucky, it was his way of making amends. And Steve wasn't any better. He was hiring Yelena for jobs from time to time. The young woman didn't know that it was Steve who paid her for the jobs, but it was his way of looking after her. He couldn't face her or the rest of their family, his guilt too strong, but this was a chance to make sure she didn't get into trouble. If he hired her then no criminal could do it.

He stopped by the grocery store on his way home to buy food for him and Liho, and he was almost out of the store when a short redheaded woman walked into the super market.

And for a short second, he thought it was her. For a second his grief was replaced with hope. But it wasn't her, of course it wasn't her. She was dead. She had been dead for six months and 18 days, she was never coming back to him.

Steve ran out of the store, his shopping bag clutched against his chest. He had to get away from here. He ran to his apartment building and sprinted up the stairs. He had problems to unlock his door and sighed in relief when it finally opened. He got inside, closed the door and sank to the floor. He buried his face in his hands and started to cry. He felt Liho coming to him and he lifted her up to hold her in his arms. When would he get better? When would seeing a petite redhead not make him break down? How was he supposed to move on after he lost the woman he loved? He'd never be okay again. How could she have left him? How could she have done this to him?

Secret Location

There were voices. Two of them. She knew one of them. She was sure of it, but she didn't know who it was or how she knew that voice. She didn't remember. She couldn't understand what they were saying. She wanted to open her eyes, but they were too heavy. She was just so tired. So very, very tired. Was she sleeping? Or in a coma? She didn't know. She could barely think, she was just so tired. All she wanted was to sleep. The voices faded away until it was finally quiet again. All she wanted was to sleep...

"And?"

"It would really help if you would stop breathing down my neck, Director Fury."

"I haven't been a director in ages, Dr. Strange."

"Well, I haven't been a doctor in ages, but her vital signs are good. Her brain scans show no sign of permanent damage, and her spine is fully healed."

"Then why isn't she fucking waking up?"

"I found her half-dead on the bottom of a cliff. That is a massive trauma. It takes time until the body recovers from that. She'll wake up when she's ready."