Custos Anima Puellarum Magorum
A Puella Magi Madoka Magica Self Insert

Chapter I
Stranger Danger

One moment, I was in a dreamless void. And then the next, I woke up.

The sun was shining. The sky was a nice shade of orange with fluffy clouds. And I found myself staring deeply into the eyes of a young Japanese girl with yellow hair, her eyes filled with concern and her face dangerously close to mine. When our eyes met, I could see surprise suddenly lit up in her golden irises.

Huh. Okay.

A heartbeat passed as we stared awkwardly into each other's eyes.

"Good morning," I said to the girl, "Can I help you?"

The girl blushed scarlet and quickly withdrew her head from my face, stammering out her apologies.

I ignored her in favor of sitting up and taking in my surrounding. It looked like I was in some kind of idyllic city park. In front of me was a great flowing river, while the girl and I were sitting on a gentle rolling hill close to its waters. Around me, an unfamiliar city landscape reared their strange heads over me, while above me, the sun was beginning to set, dying the sky with the color of autumn leaves.

Yup, I thought to myself. This sure ain't Indianapolis.

I turned back to the girl sitting on her knees next to me and took in her appearance. She looked like a young, pretty, and well-endowed Japanese teenager, dressed in a light vanilla-colored coat over a white shirt, a checkered miniskirt over pantyhose, and a pair of white dress shoes. Around her neck was a red ribbon knotted to look like a bowtie around her white collar, and her yellow hair was done into twin pigtails curled to look like two large drills. Which looked really impressive and, knowing my sisters, likely took a whole lot of time and effort just to get it right in the morning. Her eyes were like the color of gold, and they flickered nervously between looking at me for one moment and then staring down at her pantyhose-clad thighs and then back to me, her cute face still blushing madly.

All in all, she looked like a really dedicated Tomoe Mami cosplayer in her Mitakihara Middle School uniform. Impressive work right there. I applaud her dedication to her craft, because Lord knows I definitely can't pull that one off.

I beamed at the blonde Japanese girl and offered her my open hand. "Hello," I said to the cosplayer, "My name's Harold Blackwater. What's your name?"

The girl looked at my offered hand with naked curiosity. She looked up at my smiling face and then back at my extended hand. Then, carefully, as if she is unused to the action - which... now that I think about it, she probably is, isn't she? Being Japanese and all. - she took my hand and shook it. "Nice to meet you. My name is Tomoe Mami." The girl looked at me and then asked, "Are you... an American, by chance?"

I, on the other hand, froze still when her name left her lips. What? I thought to myself, That can't be right. She can't be-

I stared at the dainty hand I am holding, then to the golden eyes that hand belonged to. At the foreign urban landscape across the river, then at the waters lapping below us. Then I thought about me suddenly waking up on this hill with no clear memory of ever getting here, with a cute Japanese girl with yellow hair and eyes, who just happened to find me just as I woke up, who called herself Tomoe Mami, and who wore the school uniform of Mitakihara Middle School. The possibility of this... the chances of me waking up like this... should be null.

And yet, here I am.

Apprehension slowly filled my guts.

"Harorudo-san?" The girl who called herself Tomoe Mami asked me, her face and voice filled with concern and worry, even as her Japanese tongue butchered my English name. "Are you alright?"

Miss Tomoe's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I blinked at her, staring incomprehensibly for a second, until I remembered myself. I quickly withdrew my hand from hers and ran it through my hair. As I did so, I closed my eyes, took in a deep breath, and took a moment to center myself. A plan quickly formed in my head.

Stay low. Acquire intelligence. Verify assumptions.

I released my breath and opened my eyes. I turned back to Miss Tomoe and gave her a rueful expression. "I'm sorry," I apologized to her, "but your name sounded... familiar to me." I cocked my head at a slight angle, quizzically. "Have we met before?"

Miss Tomoe gazed into my eyes, worry still clearly written on her face, and slowly shook her head. "No, we have not. Are you sure you are alright?"

I shook my own head in reply. "No, no, I do not think I am. Do you know where we are?"

"You are currently in the Ohara Park, located in the Miyazaki Ward of Mitakihara Town in Japan." Miss Tomoe told me.

Yeah, I recognized absolutely none of that save for the last four words. "Huh," I muttered, as I looked at the setting sun, "Japan." Somehow, I was transported all the way from my home in Indiana, USA all the way to a city park in Japan without me knowing about it. And into Mitakihara Town, which is where Puella Magi Madoka Magica takes place in. And likely without proper documentations, to boot. And the Sun is already setting. Oh, yeah, I'm screwed.

Welp, better get to it, then. Daylight's wasting.

I climbed to my feet, and so did Tomoe as well. I turned to face her, and I noted how short she was compared to me. The top of her head reached roughly to the end of my chin. She was a little shorter than my little sister. It's... kinda cute, really.

"Right, thank you for that." I said, smiling at her. "Now if you don't mind, can you please point me to the nearest homeless shelter? I'd really appreciate that."

Miss Tomoe's eyes widened in shock, and the tips of her hand covered her lips. "Wait, why? What's wrong?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Well, Miss Tomoe, I don't know what to tell ya. Last night, I went to bed all the way back in America. Now apparently I woke up in Japan in the middle of a park. I'm pretty much homeless right now." I gestured towards the setting sun. "And I don't have time to talk with the US Embassy to figure things out. So, right now I need to find a place to sleep through the night, if you don't mind."

Miss Tomoe fidgeted a bit. "Um... You could sleep at my apartment?" She offered hesitantly.

Wait, what? I gave Miss Tomoe a baffled expression. "Are you sure?" I asked, "Would your parents even approve of this?"

Miss Tomoe became downcast. "My... parents are dead. And I live by myself."

I winced. Oh, shit, right. Tomoe's an orphan. Fuck. "My condolences." I said, apologetically.

Miss Tomoe smiled sadly. "It's alright. I'm used to it."

I scratched the back of my head. "Still. It's incredibly inappropriate, for a stranger like me to sleep under the same roof as you, and I'd hate to impose on you. Are you really sure about this?"

Miss Tomoe smiled at me demurely and puffed herself up. "Please. I must insist. It is my duty to help those in need, after all." Then she winked at me. "And besides. You have acted like a gentleman so far. I trust you, Harorudo-san."

I blushed at the display of trust she has given to me. "Then I will be sure not to disappoint you." I bowed respectfully, like my mother has taught me, to the young girl who I strongly suspected to be secretly a badass Puella Magi. "Please take care of me, Miss Tomoe."

Miss Tomoe led me to a nearby metro station. Let me tell you, taking Mitakihara Town's city commute was a fascinating experience for a suburban boy like me. Tomoe paid for both of our tickets, for which I was extremely grateful for and apologetic about, but she waved my concerns aside.

Miss Tomoe giggled at my fascinated expression when we boarded and I explored the subway train with my eyes. "Have you never taken a train before, Harorudo-san?"

I shook my head. "Nope, not really. Never really been to the big cities. Most of the time, we took the cars if we want to go somewhere." I gave Miss Tomoe a smirk. "By the way, you don't have to call me Harold if you'd like. You can just call me Harry if it's easier for you."

Honestly, I loath that nickname. I've heard enough Harry Potter jokes to last me a lifetime. It certainly did not help that I wear glasses and had liver cancer as a child, with the surgical scars to prove it. I was named after my father, and I am proud of my name, dammit! I am not Harry or Henry or any other kinds of petty little nicknames! I am Harold! End of story!

But Tomoe is not a native English speaker. She is Japanese, a people who tend to have trouble with the English Ls and Rs. I can forgive that. My schoolmates lacked the same excuse.

"Ah, certainly, Hari-san!" Miss Tomoe paused for a second, and then asked, "Ah, Hari-san! Is Brackwatah your given name or your family name?"

Suddenly, an image of the Japanese Vtuber Inugami Korone dressed in a labcoat popped in my head, and I heard the perpetually perplexed dog-girl going "Watah in da Fiyah. Wai? Watah in da Fiyah! Wai?!" inside my mind. I had to stifle the giggle that was coming up by putting my fist in front of my grinning lips. Okay, wow, hearing Tomoe trying to pronounce my last name in her Japanese tongue sure is a lovely treat.

"Family name." I answered, with mirth still on my lips. "Harold's my first name and Blackwater is my family name."

"Oh." She said. She glanced at me. "Shouldn't I... be calling you Brackwatah, then? Rather than Hari?"

I waved her concerns aside. "It's fine, don't worry about it."

I took a glance at the girl by my side when I didn't hear her respond.

Was Tomoe... blushing? I raised an eyebrow as I filed away that interesting tidbit. Huh. Interesting. Wonder what brought that on.

The rest of the train ride was mercifully silent, which suited me just fine. That left me plenty of time to deal with the growing butterflies in my stomach, as I get closer and closer to a young orphan girl's apartment that she apparently lives by herself. Little butterflies like, is this legal? Are the neighbors going to call the cops on me? Is this a trap? Why did Mami invited me to her apartment? How does Mami pay for her apartment while as an orphaned minor and attending school? Does Kyubey have a hand there? How am I going to handle Kyubey? Oh, God, how am I going to handle Akemi Homura?!

Y'know. Little butterflies like those.

I shook my head clear as the train stopped at our destination. One step at a time, Harold. I reminded myself.

"Are you alright, Hari-san?" Miss Tomoe asked me.

"I'm fine. Just nervous." I answered.

Tomoe gave me a little nod of acknowledgement. She led me out of the subway station to a bus terminal. From there, we took the bus to another terminal that was closest to her apartment, and Tomoe and I walked the rest of the way. Her apartment was located on the second level of her apartment block.

Tomoe opened the door to her apartment and flipped on the lights, and we walked inside. "Please," she said as she took off her shoes, and I followed her example, "Make yourself at home. I'll make dinner for tonight." Then she disappeared around the corner to the right.

I took a moment to examine Tomoe's apartment. Standing here in front of the entrance, from where I was at right now, there was a rectangular table and a chair in front of me and a little to the right. The kitchen was located around the corner on the immediate right, and it was where Tomoe was beginning to fix dinner, humming a little tune to herself. To the left was a corner of the room made entirely out of glass that also served as a large window to the outside world... which had already turned dark. Praise the Lord that Tomoe offered her apartment to me. I wouldn't have known what I would have done or what would have happened to me if Miss Tomoe hadn't offered me her hospitality. I do not want to learn through first-hand experience whether or not this is the Puella Magi Madoka Magica world by meeting a Witch or one of their Familiars as a homeless hobo.

Anyways, moving on, in front of glass wall corner was a low-level table in the shape of a triangle on top of a mattress, along with a couch and a couple of stools. Around the corner to the left is a bookshelf laid against the wall, a coat hanger or a rack of some bizarre design - it reminded me of the rack stand we used back in middle school where we put our art made out of fresh paint to dry - a door that probably led to the bathroom, and a spiral staircase that goes upward to the next level to an internal balcony with a slanted wall made out of transparent glass. Seeing how I don't see you could take a shower up there with any sense of real privacy and I don't see a bed anywhere else, that's probably Tomoe's bedroom.

Honestly, the first word that popped inside my mind as I looked around Tomoe's apartment was... barren. There were no paintings or framed pictures hanging from the bare walls, and there were very little decorations. Tomoe had sparsely furnished her apartment with the bare minimal furniture. It was... very lonely. And kinda sad.

"Hey, Miss Tomoe," I called out to my host, "Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"

"Go ahead!" She replied. "Dinner will take a moment! The bathroom is on the left and under the staircase!"

"Thanks!" I called as I hurried over and shut the door. Then I examined my reflection in the mirror.

It was still me. It was still my face, a face that has a mixture of Korean and Caucasian features, with brown hair and eyes and all. I was dressed in a red T-shirt, a white undershirt, and a pair of black pants. I touched my face, feeling the stubbles on my chin and above my lips, and I watched as my reflection repeated my action. I lifted up the hems of my shirt to expose my stomach, and I saw the surgical scar that I have known all of my life: an upside-down Y on my stomach, its two branches hugging the bottom of my rib cage. I watched as my reflection traced that familiar scar, feeling the curvature of the scar tissue with my finger. I chuckled a little as I let my shirt go, and I felt a little relief as a little weight disappeared from my shoulders that I've never noticed until now.

I smirked at my reflection, and I said, "Glad you're still here, you ugly bastard."

I patted my pockets to check if there was anything inside - more out of habit than anything - and I paused as I felt something. I took them out and placed them on the bathroom sink. My smartphone. My wallet. My charger. My rosary that my older brother got as a souvenir when he visited Vatican City. Supposedly it was blessed by Pope Francis himself. A glasses case that held my glasses with black square rims and a cleaning rag. Another case that held my hearing aids. A box of batteries for my hearing aids. And a bottle from CVS Pharmacy filled with 90 pills of Tacrolimus that I need to take twice a day - once in the morning and once in the evening.

Huh. At least I won't have to worry about a liver rejection anytime soon. Lucky me.

I popped off the bottle cap and took a pill before I forget. Then I quickly shed my clothes, placed my crucifix necklace and my devotional scapular I wore under my shirt along with the rest of my stuff, then hopped in the tub. As the water splashed against my body and I quickly scrubbed myself with products marketed to young girls - Damn, I am going to miss smelling like Irish Spring - I threw my thought back at the plan I hastily came up when Tomoe Mami introduced herself as... well, Tomoe Mami. Stay low. Acquire intelligence. Verify assumptions.

Stay low. Big Brother Kyubey is watching. Best to assume that he got his beady little eyes on me at all times if I want to survive. The bastard is also fuckin' invisible or some bullshit like that unless you can see magic. Yeah, better to be safe and assume he's always watching me. Loose lips sink ships, and stray pics on the 'Net can get a Russian missile launched at your ass. Or a Ukrainian drone going mudamudamuda on you.

Acquire intelligence. I need more information. The best way to get that is stick close to one of the canon cast, but I have to be natural. A 23-years old Korean American gaijin hanging out with a bunch of young Japanese middle schoolgirls with no past or familial connections would be sketchy as fuck. Like, jeez, talk about a giant red flag for stranger danger. I can't really help the Puellae Magi if I get myself arrested by the Japanese police on suspicious behavior, and my virgin middle-class ass tortured behind bars 'cuz folks assumed I'm a creepy child stalker. Fortunately, Tomoe provided me with the perfect cover, but I gotta be really bloody careful. I have no idea how long Tomoe will let me stay before she kick me out, so I will need to find alternative shelter. Begging Tomoe to let me stay just a little longer sounds like a horrible idea. I really don't want to burn my reputation just so I have easy access to the characters of Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Verify assumptions. The multiverse can be a damned big place. I've read enough 'fics to know. The last thing I need is to pull a Putin and trap myself inside a dead end because I assumed my knowledge of fictional lore is highly accurate and nigh infallible, when there are ways for me to verify that the facts on the ground match the ivory tower in my head. After all, you know what they say. To assume is to make an ass out of you and me.

Once I get all three steps completed, then I should know enough to make plans and preparations.

I paused in my scrubbing as a thought struck me. Wait, what time period does Puella Magi Madoka Magica take place in? In 2010, right? Have Putin's War in Ukraine not yet happened here? Oh, man, that's a real mind-fuck to think about right there. Damn, then if that's the case, then I sure am going to miss watching clips of Invincible, Arcane, the recent and good anime shows, and my favorite Vtubers over and over again on Youtube. That's a shame.

Then another thought struck me. If it's 2010 right now, then I would be 11 years old right now. And aren't the characters of Puella Magi Madoka Magica about 14 or 15 years old? Wow, that is so strange to think about. Time travel slash dimensional travel is a trip. Thank God I am still in my current age and not as a kid. I do not want to end up in a foster house right now. I shuddered a little at the thought. Also, because I was a stupid brat at that age.

Now finished with showering, I turned off the water, got out of the tub, and scrubbed myself dry with a towel. Then I dressed myself, put my stuff back inside my pockets, and turned to leave. And I paused. The bathroom door was ajar. Did...did I forget to close the door? While in the same apartment as a young girl living by herself? Who invited me in? Oh, damn, I sure hope Tomoe didn't see this. This is just embarrassing.

I pushed the door open and walked over to the kitchen. "Hey, Miss Tomoe," I said, "I'm done with the shower."

"Dinner will be ready in just a moment." She answered me. "Please have a seat at the table."

I glanced at the two tables available to me: the table with just one chair and the low-lying triangular table in front of the glass corner wall. Well, the choice was obvious then. I walked over to the triangular table and grabbed one of the stools there and then brought it over to the big table. Then I went over to Tomoe, who was at the stove stirring noodles in a pan.

"Hey, Tomoe, do you know where the plates and utensils are?" I asked.

Miss Tomoe looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "Why do you need to know?"

"So I can help set the table." I answered.

Tomoe looked absolutely scandalized. "No! Absolutely not!"

I was taken aback by her sudden aggressiveness. I began to panic. I raised my open hands, palms facing out, to show I meant no harm. "I just wanted to help-"

Tomoe turned the stove off and whirled around to face me. I quickly noted that she was wearing an apron over her school uniform. She grabbed my shoulders, turned me around, and marched me right back to the dining table, where she sat me down in the only chair.

She raised a pointed finger at me and began to lecture me, her brow furrowed into a furious glare. "Hari-san. You are my guest. I am your host. I'll take care of the table. I'll take care of dinner. You just sit here and relax, while I get everything ready. Understand?"

I silently nodded my head, still taken aback by her shift in attitude. She nodded imperiously, turned on her heels, and marched right back to the kitchen. My wide open eyes followed her retreating figure, as I tried to still my rapidly diminishing panic and my rapidly beating heart.

Wow. An angry Mami is terrifyingly intimidating. And also really bloody hot.

So I followed her advice, and I waited. It wasn't long before Tomoe came back with two bowls of pork, boiled eggs, and miso ramen, along with drinks, utensils, and placemats. Fortunately, Tomoe remembered that I was an American and brought me a fork instead of chopsticks. Mom tried teaching me, but unfortunately, it didn't stick. I thanked Tomoe for making dinner, which she looked like she actually really enjoyed my simple praise. She even puffed up with pride and everything. Then we said our prayers before meal.

I closed my eyes, made the Sign of the Cross, and silently said the Prayer Before Meals. I made the Sign of the Cross again and opened my eyes - and saw Tomoe looking at me with wide open eyes, her face pale, and breathing rapidly. "Is something wrong?" I asked, baffled.

She didn't respond, still looking at me - no, not at me. She's looking towards me, but she doesn't see me.

"Tomoe? What's wrong?" I asked again, worry rapidly rising in my heart. Again, she didn't react, her eyes still wide but not seeing and her chest rising and falling with every shallow breath. This isn't working, I thought, and I rose from my chair.

Her eyes suddenly snapped back to attention and focused on my movement. Her wide golden eyes met my mine filled with worry. "Yes, Hari-san?" Miss Tomoe asked innocently, as if she didn't just nearly gave me a panic attack.

I rose up and quickly walked over to Tomoe's side, her confused eyes tracking my movement. I knelt down before her, took one of her hands in my own, and gazed into her eyes. Tomoe went still at my physical touch. "Miss Tomoe," I asked gently, "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" She asked me, her eyes flickering form my face to my hands holding hers.

"After I finished my prayer, I opened my eyes, and I found you staring at me like I've grown a second head. And you weren't responding to my words. Are you alright?"

Miss Tomoe gave me a bright sunny smile, completely at odd with the pale, panicking face from before. The sheer mood difference from now and just a few seconds ago made my stomach curl. "Don't worry about it!" She said cheerfully. "It just happens sometimes, but I'm completely fine! Really!"

Yeah, I'm having none of that. My eyes hardened and my hands tightened their grip around her hand. "Mami," I said, my voice deadly serious, "It looked like you were having a traumatic flashback. That isn't normal. Talk to me, Mami. Please. I can't help you if you don't tell me your problems."

A crack appeared in Mami's bright facade, and I saw her face waver from the fake cheer she tried to put up. "Are you sure? Do you really mean it?" Her voice sounded so small, scared, and vulnerable. It tore my heart to hear her like this.

"I'm here for you, Mami." I said gently. "Talk to me. Please."

Tears welled up in her eyes, and she gripped my hands with desperate strength. Mami's facade collapsed completely, and I saw the face of a scared, miserable, and lonely young girl, who held onto my hands as if it was the only lifeline she ever had. And she told me.

About her kouhai and only friend, a young girl who was the eldest daughter of a Christian pastor, named Sakura Kyouko. How they met, and how they used to play in the park together. How her kouhai used to invite her over for dinner at her family's house. How she used to enjoy visiting the Sakura family. And how, one day, Kyouko showed up one last time to cut ties with her, and it was only later that she learned that the pastor murdered his wife and youngest daughter, burned down his church, and committed suicide.

"When-when you made that gesture, it... it reminded me of when I used to have dinner with the Sakura family." Mami chocked out, her voice filled with emotions, pain, and regret. "And then I was there again, with Kyouko-chan, Momo-chan, Okasan, and Father Sakura. And then..." She chocked back a sob. "Father Sakura turned into a monster. He started killing them. And they were screaming for me, begging me to save them... and I couldn't move. I couldn't save them!"

I gathered Mami into my arms and embraced her in a hug. I wrapped one arm around her shoulders, while with the other I laid it over her back and placed my hand on the back of her head and stroke her golden hair. I guided her head to my shoulders, and I whispered soft comforting noises into her ears. And I did my best to ignore the sensation of her breasts pressed against my chest.

She wrapped her arms around me and wept into my shoulders. "I should have been there! I could have saved them!"

"Mami, it wasn't your fault." I said gently.

Mami pushed off my shoulders to look at me with wild and desperate eyes full of guilt and self-incrimination. "But it is! I could have saved them!"

"How?!" I asked. "You didn't know until it was already too late! You can't blame yourself for events outside your control!"

"But it is my job, it's my duty-!"

I held onto Mami's face with both of my hands and looked her in the eye. "It was Father Sakura's duty to not murder his own family!" I hissed with raw fervor. "He failed! As a husband, as a father, as an adult, and as a man of God! You cannot blame yourself for other's mistakes, Mami! You cannot be everywhere, Mami! You cannot save everyone! It is not your fault!"

Mami stared in my eyes for a few soulful seconds, tears streaking from her eyes and shock written on her face. Then she threw her arms around me and held me with a desperate and terrifying tenacity. "Then why did she leave me?!" She wailed.

I was silent for a moment as I stroke her head, trying to find the right way to word my answer for the young girl crying out her grief into my shoulders.

"I... I think your friend was scared and hurt." I finally said, slowly and carefully. Mami quietened her weeping to listen to my words. "She has just seen her own father murder her own mother and sister, Mami. She was betrayed by a member of her own family, who she likely trusts and look up to, and it deeply wounded her. I... I think she was in deep pain, and she was desperate to never be betrayed by anyone ever again, to never feel the same hurt she was feeling on that fateful day... and so she did the only thing she could think of: by cutting ties with you, to both protect herself... and you. And in doing so, she hurt you deeply without realizing it."

Mami held onto me even tighter and she broke down sobbing into my shoulders. And I held onto a grieving and lonely young girl, stroking her hair and whispering comforting nonsense into her ears.

Well. I certainly wasn't expecting this before dinner.

It took awhile before Mami ran out of tears to shed. When she finally regained control over herself, she tried to apologize for breaking down, but I silenced her by placing my index finger on her lips.

"Please. Don't." I said gently to Mami. "There is no shame in crying."

After that, we disentangled from each other. Well, at least, I tried to, but Mami initially refused to let me go. It took a bit of convincing before she did, but I noticed that she gave me a look of longing as she did so, and she did so slowly, as if to remain in physical touch for as long as possible. Dinner became a silent and awkward affair, as I tried to focus on my meal and ignore the look on Mami's - I meant, Miss Tomoe's - face as she alternated between eating her meal and staring at me with eyes full of complicated emotions - longing, fear, nervousness, and joy were all warring against each other in those confused, watchful golden eyes of her - while blushing scarlet.

Yeah. I, uh, really should have seen this coming. A young girl, who survived the death of her parents by making a wish. Whose survival demanded that she engage in mortal combat with monsters, an incredibly stressful and traumatic situation that she must keep silent about from the rest of her peers and society. This further isolates her from her peers and prevent her from venting out her frustration and stress, instead forcing her to keep it bottled up inside. Then she met a younger girl who was also like her: alone and yet also fighting monsters. She thought she had finally made a friend she could trust and rely upon. Then her friend's father found out and had a mental breakdown. He killed her friend's family and then himself. And then her friend abandoned her, leaving the girl more lonely, more scared, and with more abandonment issues than ever before.

And then along came me. Because of her kindness, she invited me to her apartment. But when I made the Sign of the Cross, she suddenly remembered what happened to Kyouko, and when I pressed her, she finally let out all of her fear, her loneliness, her desire, her shame, and her terror in one bumbling and confusing cocktail of emotions and suddenly released trauma and stress to a foreign stranger from America.

And then I embraced her. I assured her. I comforted her. And now a young girl who has been starved of physical touch and affection for most of her life is torn between grabbing me with her own two hands and never letting go and terrified if I ever found out about her secret and abandon her like so many had done before.

In my defense, I thought I would have more time. I did not expect things to escalate this fast.

I finished the last dregs of miso soup and let out a satisfied sigh. "Thank you for the meal, Miss Tomoe." I told my host, smiling. "It was delicious."

Boiled eggs were not my favorite. But I am not going to complain for her providing free food.

Miss Tomoe looked to the side bashfully, her face still flushed scarlet, while a finger twirled one of her drill curls. "You're welcome, Hari-san."

Miss Tomoe insisted that she will clean up, and when I tried to help anyways, as a means to show my appreciation, she restrained me and dragged me to the couch. After that, I listened to her. That girl was terrifyingly strong. Magical girls are no joke.

And so I sat at the couch, staring out the glass windows into the night landscape of Mitakihara Town, and I thought and brooded.

After cleaning up the dinner table, Miss Tomoe brought out a spare futon and laid it down on the main floor. I tried to get up to help her out, again, but a furious glare from Tomoe saw me quickly returning to my seat.

Honestly, Tomoe's extreme aggression regarding what she see as her duty as a host left me feeling partly embarrassed and partly confused. Embarrassed, partly because I feel like a lazy and useless freeloader when a girl younger than me is so accommodating of me, and partly because I can't help but feel my Mom will come right around the corner any second now, see me letting a young lady do all of the chores, and scold my ears off. And confused, because I have no idea whether this is considered a normal part of Japanese hospitality or just another sign of Tomoe's loneliness.

"Hari-san?" The touch of a hand on my shoulders and the sound of Tomoe's voice interrupted my thoughts. I turned to face her. She stood right behind me, with a hand on my right shoulder blades.

"Yes?" I said.

"It's ready." She told me.

"Understood." I stood up and faced her. "Thank you, Miss Tomoe."

Miss Tomoe smiled at me, as she gently held the hand she used to touch me against her breasts. "You're welcome, Hari-san. Is there anything else you might need?"

I shook my head, giving her a smile in turn. "No, that will be all. And thank you, Miss Tomoe, for everything."

An awkward silence settled in between us.

"Then... I'll be going." Tomoe finally said, and I gave her a nod in response. She slowly made her way to the spiral staircase. I, on the hand, immediately went to the bathroom door. I could feel Tomoe's eyes burning a hole into my back as I stepped through the doorway and closed the door behind me, finally blocking me from her sight.

"This," I muttered to myself, "Might be a problem."

I quickly shed into my sleepwear - which, tonight, will consist of just my undershirt and my silk boxers, since it's not like Miss Tomoe would have spare men's pajamas lying about in her apartment. After that, I left the bathroom, placed my clothes in a pile next to the futon, and slipped inside the sheets.

"Hari-san?" Miss Tomoe appeared on the upstairs balcony, now dressed in pajamas and leaning against the banister. "Are you in bed?"

"Yes, I am." I replied.

"Then, good night, Hari-san." She said.

"Good night, Miss Tomoe." I answered.

Miss Tomoe strayed at the banister for a few seconds longer, looking at me thoughtfully, before she finally pulled away. A few moments later, and the apartment was plunged into a moonlit darkness.

And then I laid back and waited for sleep to take me. While in the same room as a young teenage orphan girl with abandonment issues. And who may or may not be a badass magical girl veteran and who may or may not have an invisible amoral alien stalker-slash-mascot somewhere in the apartment with us. Nevermind the time-traveling Lesbian Magical Girl Emiya Kiritsugu. Or the girl who may or may not end up becoming Magical Girl Jesus. Or the magical girl who could see the future and her Deranged Lesbian Magical Girl Kotomine Kirei that serves as her right hand man.

I have no idea what I am doing. And that terrifies me.

...I don't think I'm going to fall asleep any time soon.

[HAROLD]

A scream shattered the tranquil silence. My eyes snapped open, and I bolted upwards. "Wha-?" I began to say.

Another scream tore through the still and barren apartment, shrouded in darkness and lit by rays of moonlight. My eyes immediately latched onto where the screams were coming from: upstairs on the balcony, where Tomoe retired to for the night. Fear struck my heart.

"Mami!" I shouted out, and I tore the bedsheets away from me and barrelled out of my futon, propelled by the worst of my fears. I bit back a curse when I tripped over a stool sheathed in a cushion in my haste, and I scrambled back to my feet and launched myself up the steps of the spiral staircase. "Mami! I'm coming!"

I reached the next level, a room where the entire front wall was one massive window slanted at an angle, bathing the entire scene in natural moonlight. My eyes were naturally drawn to the bed where I can hear muffled cries, and I rushed over and embraced her into my arms. "I'm here, Mami." I said softly. "I'm here for you."

I felt Mami stirred in my arms, half-awake and still half caught inside whatever nightmare she was in. "Daddy?" She whispered, her voice filled with both disbelief and desperate hope.

It broke my heart to hear her say that word like that.

"I'm here." I whispered, and I felt Mami returning my embrace, clinging to me with a desperate tenacity of a scared and lost child.

"You're alive, Daddy." I heard her whispered in child-like wonder. "You're alive."

I quickly shifted myself into a more comfortable position at the head of the bed, so I can rest my back against the wall, and I brought Mami to my lap so I can hold her better. She wrapped her arms around my stomach and rested her head against the crook where my neck and my shoulder blade meet. I leaned my head against hers, my hand stroking her head, and I began to gently rock Mami back and forth.

"Shhh," I whispered to her, "It's going to be alright."

For a minute, there was blessed silence, where I rocked Mami back and forth and Mami quietly listened to the twin sounds of our hearts beating in rhythm and the twin noises of our chests breathing in and out together.

"Am I a bad girl, Daddy?" Mami suddenly asked.

"No," I immediately denied. "Never."

"But I left you," Mami said, her voice filled with guilt and self-loathing, "I left you and Mom to die-!"

"Mami, baby, I love you." I immediately interrupted, and I heard Mami's immediate retort die in her throat at those words. "Never forget this: Mom and I have always loved you."

Grief gripped my heart and filled my voice, and I felt tears fill my eyes as I tried to speak for a dead father to his poor, lonely, and broken daughter, what any good father would say. "And I'm sorry," I said, "I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to be there for you. But I am happy, I am so happy you made it out alive instead of me. I would have traded my life for yours in a heartbeat if I could. I would have gladly paid any price, I would have gone through Hell itself, if it means you get to live. I am proud of you, Mami. Never forget that."

Mami held onto me even tighter, and for the second time this day, she broke down sobbing into my shoulders again. And I, for the second time this day, held onto a grieving and lonely young girl again, stroking her hair and whispering comforting nonsense into her ears.

"I love you, Daddy." Mami choked out in-between her tears. "I missed you so, so much."

"And I love you, Mami." I answered for a dead man. "Never forget that."

And she cried, and cried, and cried until she had no more tears to shed. And when she finally had no more tears to shed, Mami relaxed inside my arms and fell into a blissful sleep.

Mami did not suffer any more nightmares for the rest of the night.

And I kept watch over her, with only the twin sounds of our hearts beating in rhythm and the twin noises of our chests breathing in and out together keeping me company, until dawn finally rose again on this apartment barren of life and hope.

Duty demanded nothing less.

Author's Notes: This story was inspired by the fact that I wanted to try my hand at a serious harem smut SI with actual plot. So, in order to justify this theme, I had had to pick a setting where women would want to form a harem with a random nobody. And in order to fit in with the necessary criteria... it had to be young girls who are vulnerable enough, desperate enough, and traumatized enough to willingly walk into such a scenario with both eyes open. Puella Magi Madoka Magica ended up being a perfect candidate.

Then there was another part about writing a harem smut SI with plot. My self insert... is too much of a goody two-shoes to engage in the classical harem smut by his own free will. He needs to be... guided into it. Pushed along on the right path and internal assumptions, until he finally accepts that, yes, forming a harem of young, traumatized, and desperate magical girls is actually a good and necessary thing. (Even if he's in denial about it.)

This story is the result of trying to execute that concept.

Enjoy.