Foreword from the author:

This story takes place nearly a year after the events of the Jinchuu Arc. I've decided to ignore the "time skip" completely. Aside from that, this story is mostly canon. I've stayed as faithful to the manga as my memory allows.

This story is almost entirely from Kenshin's point of view. There will be some chapters that diverge from this but it's definitely a Kenshin fic. I'll be exploring his thoughts and feelings, especially toward Kaoru and his past. I've marked this story as romance and drama, but I've tried to put a fair bit of humor in it as well.

There is mature language in this story, as well as some sexually suggestive content.

Text written in italics indicates thought. Kenshin often thinks of small snippets from the manga, especially things that Kaoru has said in the past (cause he loves her, obviously).

It was an overcast dawn, the sky threatening to unleash autumn rain upon the Kamiya dojo.

Though the cooled atmosphere was not entirely unwelcome after the cloying heat of summer, he still felt the ache in his bones. Old injuries that had long since healed always ached in the rain. They were angry ghosts that refused to rest.

Kenshin dressed for the day while the dojo remained peacefully silent. He always woke before everyone else, in order to check that all was as it should be. His daily routine was to dress and immediately inspect the Kamiya property for any threats. Following his usual route, he paused in front of Yahiko's tightly closed shoji and listened for the audible sounds of sleep. His loud snores assured Kenshin of his safety. He walked on to Kaoru-dono's room, pausing in front of her shoji as well. He always lingered at her door much longer. After Enishi and his Jinchuu, believing Kaoru to be dead and the utter despair that had followed he was more protective of her safety than ever before, as impossible as that seemed.

It had been somewhat...tense between them these last several months and that was his fault. Though he was sure of his feelings for Kaoru-dono, he danced around them, holding her at arms length. Not because of a fear of rejection, he knew that she held some affection for him but he wasn't sure how far that affection went, if it matched the intensity of his. That was only a small part of why he hesitated. Mostly he worried that her view of him was clouded by naivety. Kaoru-dono saw the good in everyone. He was painfully aware of the unsavory side of himself. The Battousai that he tried so hard to lock away was a constant hindrance to his happiness. It was exhausting holding the door against Him. Battousai pounded against his cage, demanding to be freed. Kenshin's greatest fear, the one that kept him up at night, was that someday He would break the door down and Kaoru-dono would bear the brunt of His violence, that He would make some grievous mistake as He had with Tomoe. Kenshin would do anything to protect her, even if it meant denying himself what he wanted most of all.

I want to stay with you.

Softer snores sounded from her bedroom and he was relieved to hear them. She was safe, for now...but could there be a threat lurking within her room? A stranger in the shadows, waiting for Kenshin's departure so he could descend from the darkness and snatch her away?

He listened carefully for a shuffle, the scraping of a foot against tatami, breathing that was out of sync with hers.

Nothing.

Would it be so very wrong to peek inside? Only to check. He could open the shoji silently, his years as an effective assassin ensured that she would never hear it, would never know. Only to check, that was all.

No. It was wrong. To look inside Kaoru-donos room without permission and violate her privacy in that way would be unforgivable, even if his intentions were well meant. But... What was one more transgression on his long list of sins? Hadn't he committed the worst depravities? His presence here was one of the worst of all, the constant danger he put her in by his mere existence. It was unconscionable. And still it was not enough to keep him away. He touched the scars on his cheek and sighed.

I'd better not.

He completed his rounds, inspecting every square inch of the Kamiya estate. There was nothing amiss, so he began his daily work. He collected the water, chopped the vegetables, and started the fire. All while keening his ear for the sounds of wakefulness that would eventually reach him from Yahiko and Kaoru-dono. Kaoru-dono was never very far behind him in starting the day.

A stirring from Kaoru-dono's room alerted him. He was hyper aware of her movements, so he noticed when the sound of her light snoring ceased. With his years of training he could hear the soft padding of her feet against the tatami mats, and the sliding of dresser drawers as she chose her clothing for the day.

The coming rain would hold them hostage today, so he knew that she would dress for kendo practice. She would spend most of her time inside the dojo, so she would choose the dark blue hakama, the tan gi, and she would wear her hair in a practical ponytail.

He allowed himself a small smile and hummed tunelessly at his task.

"Gah!" From Kaoru-dono's room he heard a small thump, but before he could assume the worst he heard her exasperated sigh and knew she had probably banged her shin against the dresser again, as she did often.

The sound woke Yahiko and his loud snoring cut off abruptly.

"Uuuuggh" and then an overly exaggerated yawn.

The Kamiya dojo had awakened.

Kaoru-dono shuffled out of her room, rubbing her shin with a sour look on her face. Kenshin suppressed his laugh and greeted her warmly.

"Ohayo, Kaoru-dono."

Injury forgotten, she returned his greeting with a wide smile. However after a few seconds her face changed into an expression that mystified Kenshin. It seemed...sad? But there was something else there, something he couldn't quite identify. An inability to interpret Kaoru-dono's mood was something new to him, she who shared her feelings and opinions freely, who wore her heart on her sleeve.

When had he seen her look this way? He couldn't remember. What was she thinking?

Kaoru-dono tilted her head slightly and her expression changed to one of curiosity. At that moment Kenshin came to the distressing realization that he had been staring.

He looked away quickly and to distract from his overt rudeness he tried to pretend that all was normal and his behavior was perfectly ordinary.

"This one has prepared the tea, Kaoru-dono. It looks like rain today," he said, cringing internally. There were so many other things he would like to tell her and here he was talking about the weather.

He wanted to tell her that out of everyone he cared for, he treasured her the most. That she was his greatest weakness. That he would never understand how she had taken him as he was, knowing what he had done and accepting him anyway. He wanted to express to her how grateful he was that in doing so she had given him a home, friends... a family really, after so many years of being alone. He wanted to say the words that would properly convey the devastation he had felt when he had thought she was lost to him forever.

He wanted her to know that he loved her.

But how?

There were no words, and even if he could find them, how could he be so selfish as to burden her with them?

"Yes it does," she answered simply and luckily his unwelcome thoughts were interrupted by Yahiko emerging from his room, yawning and scratching at his still mussed hair.

"Ohayo, everybody." he mumbled, shaking away the last vestiges of sleep. Kaoru-dono greeted Yahiko in kind, and Kenshin paid close attention to her face, this time being a little more covert and using his peripheral vision. Her strange expression was gone, so that look had had something to do with him. Was she unhappy? Had she finally started to realize that he was more trouble than he was worth? Would she send him away?

He would go if that was her wish. Though he wanted to stay more than anything, he would understand and respect her wishes. Even if it killed him to leave, he would do so.

But who will protect her if I go?

Pleased with the justification he'd come up with that allowed him to remain here a little while longer, he greeted Yahiko with a wide smile and continued with his chores.

The morning passed as it usually did, only today he found himself sneaking more glances in her direction than usual, always turning his eyes in another direction before she could catch his stares. He tried to ascertain if she was upset with him in some way, but her behavior didn't set off any alarms. She seemed perfectly normal.

So what had that look meant?

"Again." Her voice was stern as she directed Yahiko then gentler and approving when she praised his action. Kenshin wondered if his life would have been any different if his master had praised him in such a way, if he had been kind.

"Oi!" Sanosuke called as he entered the courtyard, his hands tucked casually in his pockets as he ignored the rain that was starting to sprinkle lightly. Kenshin welcomed his presence, it distracted him from his pointless rumination. Sanosuke always brought with him a sense of ease, of simplicity. Though Kenshin knew that there was nothing simple about Sanosuke and that he, too, harbored a painful past he could not help but envy the confident way in which Sanosuke moved through life. He never seemed to doubt himself or his actions.

Kenshin greeted Sanosuke and after offering him the leftovers from breakfast he returned to cleaning his already pristine sakobatô. He tried to focus on his task but against his will found himself occasionally glancing at Kaoru-dono.

After nearly inhaling his food, Sanosuke leaned back and studied Kenshin for a long moment.

"So you haven't told her yet." He said in a way one who has just tried to teach a child how to tie a knot for the hundredth time would. It was barely concealed impatience. Kenshin didn't try to hide his confusion.

"Oro? Told who, and what?"

Sano rolled his eyes and glanced pointedly at Kaoru-dono in the dojo. She had gotten the better of Yahiko and was trying to help him to his feet while ignoring his loud protests.

"Jou-chan. And you know what I mean, don't try to pull that 'I'm just a dumb wanderer oro' crap with me. It's an act and I don't buy it."

"This one really doesn't know what you mean, please explain."

"You've been staring at her all morning, it's actually kinda gross. You love her, you idiot. So tell her. I don't know why she hasn't told you. You fought tooth and nail to bring peace to an entire country, defeated Shishio, faced down Enishi, and ya can't even tell that loud short-tempered tanuki that you got feelings for her." Sano shook his head and looked up at the ceiling as if he were saying a prayer. "What're you afraid of? That she doesn't like you back?" He snorted.

Kenshin's expression darkened. His even-tempered mask fell for a moment. Sano noticed and he smiled ruefully.

"All I'm saying is you know as well as I do how short life is, so why not? You might not be around tomorrow." Sano said, picking his teeth and looking bored. Kenshin bit his tongue. It was obvious to everyone except Megumi-dono that Sanosuke was in love with the clever doctor, but Kenshin resisted calling Sano out on his hypocrisy, choosing the high road.

Besides, what he said was true, and Kenshin knew that better than most. An image of Kiyosato Akira's face, splattered with blood, flashed in his memory and he clenched his jaw. How many men had he struck down with his blade who had not done what they should have? Men who had regrets and would never again have the opportunity to relieve themselves of them? How many of them had loved someone?

Probably a great many, he thought.

But this was different, because it was him and she was Kaoru-dono. Hitokiri Battôsai, the manslayer, executioner for the Ishin Shishi. She, who revered life above all else, who cared for others and expected nothing in return. Perhaps if he had never been a part of the war, maybe they would have met by chance on a Tokyo street, and a pure and untainted love may have blossomed between them. Maybe if his hands were still clean, he would have been worthy of her love. But they were not, and he had done terrible things. He had taken Tomoe's life, his own wife and his first love. Though it had been accidental, there was no denying that her blood was on his hands. If he had never entered her life she would still be alive. Kaoru-dono knew this, so how could she possibly accept his romantic feelings?

His dark introspection was interrupted when Kaoru-dono paused in her training to rest. She approached Kenshin and Sano, covered in a sheen of sweat that made the small tendrils around her hairline stick to her forehead and her delicate neck. He tried not to dwell on the thoughts that inspired.

"Sanosuke-san, what brings you here today?" she said conversationally but her eyes narrowed at the empty bowl with a few grains of rice sticking to the sides that sat in front of him. Sanosuke grinned.

"I heard the fox lady would be coming by today and I need some of that ointment she's got. Got in a fight last night," he moved his jacket aside and pointed to a large purple bruise that spread over his shoulder and part of his chest. There was a long but shallow cut above his hip, most of the blood around it was dry but a few drops welled out from it.

Kaoru-dono sighed with exaggerated frustration at the sight and her hand balled into a fist.

"Baka! You came here to eat our food and bleed all over my floor! You-you inconsiderate oaf! Well don't just sit there! Come this way and clean yourself up before you mess up my floor some more," she sputtered. She led him toward the well and filled a bucket of water, handing him a clean cloth.

Kenshin smiled, she knew as well as he that there was no blood on the floor, that Sano's wound was barely bleeding at all. She cared for Sanosuke and Kenshin was not fooled by her put upon exasperation.

"What's she yelling about now?" Yahiko muttered, flopping down onto the porch near Kenshin, exhausted.

"Sanosuke-san has gotten himself into another scuffle it seems," Kenshin answered but Yahiko had closed his eyes and didn't seem to be listening.

It was afternoon when the rain stopped and the clouds began to break. The sun cast about weakly onto the courtyard when Megumi-dono and Dr. Gensai arrived. Megumi-dono carried her medicine chest and Dr. Gensai trailed closely behind her smiling widely, his eyes wrinkling deeply at the corners.

"Konnichiwa!" They announced their arrival in unison. Kenshin quickly offered them tea and gestured for Dr. Gensai to sit on the most comfortable pillow they had. The kindly doctor accepted, lowering himself with a long sigh.

"Ahhh. That's very nice. These old bones always ache when it rains," he said.

"This one knows exactly what you mean, Dr. Gensai." Kenshin replied with amusement.

Kaoru-dono had changed from her kendo clothes into a simple kimono of pale blue, and had tied her dark hair with a matching ribbon. She set down the book she had been reading and greeted Megumi-dono and Dr. Gensai.

The three of them sat with their tea while Megumi-dono busied herself with Sano's wounds.

"Kaoru-chan, you'll be very surprised to learn what I found out yesterday when I happened to run into Yoshimia Shoko-san yesterday! You remember her don't you? She gave you that pretty ribbon you were eyeing in her shop. Well, you were very young so maybe you don't remember. You couldn't take your eyes off of that little orange ribbon and when your father had his back turned she stuffed it into your hand and told you not to say anything unless your father asked. I remember because Kamiya-san was so upset when he saw it! He thought you had stolen it and he marched you down to her shop to apologize and return it. He didn't believe you that Shoko-san had given you the ribbon until she explained it herself and he was so contrite about having doubted you that he bought you another ribbon right then and there!" Dr. Gensai laughed, greatly amused at the memory.

"I don't remember that, but it sounds like something my father would do," she said, smiling fondly. Kenshin's pulse sped slightly at that.

"But what did she tell you yesterday, Dr. Gensai?" Kaoru-dono redirected him.

"Oh, right. Do you remember the boy your father fostered here for a time? Ikeda Asahi I believe his name was. He spent a year here, I think you were both thirteen or so at the time. His father was caught up in some business in Hokkaido and his mother had died two years before. Ikeda-san couldn't afford to bring him with, so your father offered to take him in as his student at no cost and boarded him here until his father came to collect him."

Kaoru-dono's face lit up and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Asahi-chan! Yes I remember, we were thick as thieves then, and I might have had a little crush on him. I cried for two days when he left with his father," she said, chuckling at the memory. The boy's departure didn't seem to upset her now, and Kenshin was relieved at this though he wasn't sure why.

"Shoko-san told me he has returned to Tokyo for a time, and that when he happened upon her outside her shop he inquired after your father and you. Shoko-san told him Kamiya-san sadly passed on, and that you are now the assistant master of the Kamiya dojo. I think he'll want to pay you a visit, Kaoru-chan."

Kaoru-dono looked pleased at this and her smile was wistful. A strange feeling settled into the pit of Kenshin's stomach. Something like dread, but not entirely. He wasn't exactly sure what it was.

All he knew was that he didn't like it one bit.

Authors note: the stage is set.

I struggled a bit with Kenshin's inner thoughts. Would he refer to himself as "sessha" even in his own mind? I debated that for a while, and ultimately decided that him saying "this one" just didn't sound right to me. But I do think that Kaoru is absolutely always Kaoru-dono to him, at least for now.

Coming up, some much needed competition for our mans Kenshin.