Chapter 1 – Death
Plot: Though Vader survives the Death Star, it doesn't mean much when the Rebel Alliance refuses to spare precious medical supplies to help him, leaving Luke to grieve and mourn the what ifs. And when Luke begins to hear a strange voice, whether his own or another's, he begins to question everything he thought he knew. Perhaps the Dark Side isn't as wrong as he was led to believe...
Author's Note: Here is a... rather unusual dark!Luke fic, which I hope that y'all enjoy! It's a gift for IceyGemini on ao3, and updates will, as of now, be every other week on Wednesday.
To IceyGemini: I know that you've seen many excerpt from this fic already, so I hope that you like seeing the entire thing in order even more! ^-^
~ Amina Gila
Muffled explosions ring out in the distance as Imperials run everywhere, frantically preparing for an evacuation they'll never have time to complete. They're all too busy to pay Luke or Vader any attention.
Exhaustion is crushing Luke but he keeps dragging himself forwards through sheer willpower, struggling to support as much of Vader's weight as he can as they stumble for the waiting shuttle. He shouldn't be walking right now, right after being electrocuted so badly, but he has to keep moving. Especially since his father is in even worse condition in that regard than he is.
He just got his father back, what he wanted most his entire life. If they don't keep moving, they'll both die together before they even have a chance to know each other. The sounds of explosions are only steadily growing, and he tries to increase his speed, to get there faster. They need to hurry. He'll have time to think about the ramifications of everything later. Right now, they just need to get out of here.
Everything hurts, but he struggles to force past it and keep moving. It feels like he can't take another step, at least not while he's trying to support so much of his father's weight too. His legs nearly give out, and he rather unceremoniously lowers Vader to the floor right near the ramp of the shuttle. He slides to his knees next to him, breathing hard. His father is injured badly, and even thinking about what it probably means floods him with fear.
He needs medical treatment immediately, and he doesn't even know if it's something they'll have the resources for down on Endor, but they have to do something. There has to be something they can do.
"Luke," his father cuts into his spiraling thoughts, "Help me take off this mask."
"But you'll die," Luke protests, desperately. At least he thinks Vader will. He doesn't really know how this works, but he's on life support for a reason. And the suit was already badly damaged from the Emperor's lightning.
"Nothing can stop that now," he replies, voice strained.
"No," Luke whispers, shaking his head in denial. That can't be true. It can't be. "I just found you. You can't – We have medical supplies on Endor. They can help."
Anakin doesn't seem convinced. "Just for once, let me see you with my own eyes," he requests.
And... he knows they need to get out of here immediately, but he can't bring himself to refuse the request. Nervousness and uncertainty flare inside of him as he reaches forwards, for the helmet. He – has no idea what his father looks like, he suddenly realizes. He always pictured him as well... looking a lot like him but he doesn't know.
It's strange to... to touch Vader's helmet like this – he notes then the melted side of it, from the lightning. No this does not look good. If even the outside of the armor was melting, what does that say about the internal damage? They need to get moving.
Slowly, Luke lifts the top part of the mask off, setting it down on the floor and turning to look his father in the face for the first time. And not the last. He won't let it be the last.
Anakin looks nothing like Luke expected, but at the same time, he's less surprised, more... horrified. What happened to him?
And suddenly, he finds himself at a complete loss for words, as he meets his father's blue eyes – maybe he really did once look like him – for the first time ever. All those years he longed for this, he never dreamed it would happen like this, but he finally has his father. Maybe he was a Sith and maybe he's done terrible, unforgivable things, but he's still his father.
"Now go my son. Leave me," Anakin urges, softly.
What?
"No, I'm not leaving you here. I've got to save you," Luke argues, "I – we just found each other. I can't lose you now."
The look in his eyes is... sad. And Luke suddenly finds himself battling his own tears.
"It's too late for me, Luke."
"No," he argues, as the floor trembles from another explosion, "I can take you down to Endor. They'll help. Come with me," he adds, almost pleadingly, moving forwards to try pulling him up again.
Anakin half-stands, shakily, and Luke helps him the rest of the way onto the shuttle. It's hard, but he forces himself to keep moving forward anyway, through sheer willpower. His legs feel like they're about to buckle again, and he wants to sleep. The confrontation with Palpatine took a lot out of him.
But there's no time for that right now. If he slows down, both of them are going to die. He's fought in battles for years, and he knows how to keep moving if he has to. Another explosion, more violent than before, rocks the shuttle again, and he lets the rush of adrenaline and spike of fear fuel him into motion. He helps his father lay down in the back of the shuttle in a position he might actually be comfortable in, before sprinting for the cockpit, hands flying over the controls, firing up the engines.
His father might be alive for the moment, but he doesn't know how long it's going to last.
The shuttle races out of the hangar, barely clearing the Death Star in the nick of time. A massive shockwave ripples outwards in the Force as the Death Star explodes, and he feels millions of lives disappearing into the Force.
Along with the Emperor, if he wasn't already dead.
It's over.
The Empire is over. Well, it will be a long time before they can actually officially declare control of the Empire and restore it to the Republic, but they won.
The massive wave of relief rushing through him quickly dissipates, though, as his concern for his father surfaces again. Anakin is almost out of time, too, and he has to save him.
Every second counts, and the long flight through the atmosphere down to the surface on Endor feels like sheer torture. This is taking far too long. Time Anakin definitely doesn't have. He finally lands, jumping to his feet, sprinting back into the hold. Anakin hasn't moved, but his head turns a little, meeting Luke's gaze.
He glances between the door and him, then darts to his side. "I'll find help, Father," he promises, "I'll be back soon."
Luke doesn't see Leia, Han, or Chewbacca anywhere around, but he doesn't stop to worry about it. If something happened to them, he would have sensed it. They're fine. His father isn't. He has to find help immediately.
**w**
"What do you mean no?" Luke demands, voice rising with every syllable.
"You're talking about Darth Vader," the rebel officer retorts, sounding completely unimpressed, "We've been fighting him for years."
"Yeah, it would be about time," agrees one of the others, standing within earshot, "For him to go the same day the Empire falls."
A burning anger lights inside Luke, and he struggles to keep from totally exploding. He understands their anger at Vader. It's not as if he's forgiven his father for everything he did to Leia and the Rebellion either, but he loves him far more. And no excuse justifies what they're trying to do – denying medical treatment to someone who urgently needs it, no matter who they are. (Well, except maybe the Emperor himself.)
"You can't deny medical treatment to a prisoner," Luke snaps, eyes burning with anger, past the fear and desperation clawing at him. He hates calling his father that, but... realistically, the Rebellion will not let him walk free. Not unless he turns over everything he knows to them, and he has no idea if his father is willing to do that. But it doesn't matter right now, because he's dying and they're standing here arguing about it!
One of the others scoffs. "This is Darth Vader," he retorts.
"We have limited resources here already. A lot of other rebels were injured in the fighting," the first replies, "We don't have resources to waste on a top Imperial."
"He saved my life!" Luke snaps, "He killed the Emperor. If not for him, we would have lost."
One of the others gives him a dubious look. "The Emperor would have died on the Death Star either way."
"And luckily, Vader too, if you hadn't brought him here," the second cuts in.
It takes every ounce of the rapidly disappearing self-control Luke has left not to lash out. He's never wanted to hurt a fellow rebel this badly in his life, but he clamps down on the urge only because fighting about this is a waste of time that Anakin doesn't have.
"You can't do this," he snaps, desperately. He can't believe this is happening. He can't believe they're really refusing this, and from here, he can already feel how faint his Father's Force presence is now. He's dying and they aren't doing anything to stop it. It could be too late already!
No, no, it can't be. He has to find someone to listen to him. He can't –
"What do you want to save him for?" one of them throws back, "They say he has... strange abilities. Are you sure he hasn't been using them on you?"
Okay, he knew how much some of the members of the Alliance despised top Imperials, but he never expected they would handle it like this. "Fine," he grits out. He doesn't have time for a long, drawn-out argument. His father doesn't have the time for it. He wants to cry, or scream, or pull out his lightsaber and order them to do it by force, but for all he knows, any medic who attended to him could just as well intentionally kill him. "Then I'll take him somewhere else."
He whirls around, fully intent on stalking away, but one of them stops him.
"You can't. No one is allowed to leave until the entire situation is under control. There's still Imperials on the loose down here."
"You know I'm not assisting escaping Imperials," he growls, turning to face them, eyes burning. He can't believe this. He can't believe they're capable of something like this.
"And we definitely cannot allow Vader to be taken off-planet," the other replies.
Luke turns away, storming back for the shuttle without looking back. He doesn't care if he's not allowed to take his father off planet. He'll do it anyway. If he has to force his way past them, he can and will. He doubts there's a whole lot of ships up there to stop anyone from leaving anyway.
He still can't even believe they're doing this, but all he can feel is a stinging betrayal. How could they do this to him? How could they not trust his judgment whatsoever? Of course Vader has been one of their top enemies in the past few years, but that should change nothing, especially not if he could literally be willing to help them. They've let other top Imperials join them in the past.
His mind is racing too quickly to try and find any sort of logical solution beyond what he is currently considering, and he finally makes it onto the shuttle, hurrying into the hold where Vader is still lying motionless in the same position that he left him.
A wave of pain and blinding desperation hits him full force as he darts over to him. "Father," Luke whispers frantically, kneeling next to him.
He's almost gone already. Even if he was treated right now... Luke doesn't know if he would even make it.
"It's... too late, my son," he says softly, weakly.
"No," he protests, tears stinging his eyes. It can't be. But it is. He knows it is. He had to know a lot about injuries to fight in a war like this the past few years. And he knows that – that this father is never going to make it now.
All the time he could have been being treated, the stupid rebels spent arguing about it and denying him the treatment he so urgently needed. And now...
Luke thinks the sad, almost smile on Anakin's face only makes it worse, because it's like he's not even upset about it. "I... deserve this, my son," he says, almost as though sensing his thoughts.
"No," Luke denies stubbornly – is it true? He doesn't care right now. He just wants his father – trying and failing to blink back the tears. They spill instead, trickling down his cheeks. "You turned back. You – we can make things right."
"Nothing... will... change what I... have done," he responds. Maybe that's true, but it doesn't mean he should have to die right here and now. If he was alive, at least he could make it right. He could help people. He could –
Luke reaches forwards, taking his father's remaining hand in his flesh one, squeezing it tightly. It's metal too, which he already knew, and he wonders, for the briefest moment, how Anakin ended up like this.
There are so many things he wants to say, so many things he'll never have time to, because his father is about to die. Right after he got the chance to know him in the first place. They could have been together, they could have been a family. But now –
All this because the Alliance refused to help, because –
"I love you, Father," he whispers shakily, past the tears still falling.
"I... love you too, Luke," he breathes, "Tell your sister..." He never makes it through the sentence, whatever it was going to be, before he sags against the floor, abruptly going motionless. Luke can feel it as his life fades into nothingness.
He's gone.
His father is gone.
He doesn't know how long he's been sitting there, waves of grief crashing through him. He hardly knew him, but that doesn't make it easier to let go of. He was just starting to get to know him, the person he always wanted to know his entire life, and now, all of that was ripped away. And it's not because he died from being electrocuted. No, it was because of the Rebellion. The very organization Luke dedicated his life to since he was nineteen, because they refused to help him when they could have.
Simply because... what?
Revenge?
"Luke," a voice says softly behind him, and he starts, looking up sharply. He didn't even hear anyone come in.
Leia is standing behind him, a look of clear sympathy in her eyes.
Where even was she this whole time? Would she have – No, he knows Leia would never do that. Right? (He thought the same about the Rebellion. He thought they were good.)
"Leia," he rasps, hardly even sure what to say. He doesn't want to talk. Everything hurts, and he's too angry. What the Rebellion did feels like a betrayal that's cut him to the core. He didn't think they were capable of something like this, and suddenly, it feels like everything he thought he knew wasn't true, and he doesn't know what to do.
"I'm sorry," she says quietly, approaching and wrapping her arms around him. He responds immediately, hugging her back. His sister. The one thing he does have left from his father. The last person who was a part of his real family.
"Leia, I – I was right," he whispers, his voice still shaking a little from crying so long, "My father... he was still in there. He killed the Emperor. He saved my life when the Emperor was going to kill me." He wasn't planning to start talking, but it all comes pouring out.
Her eyes widen. "He saved you?"
"He could have survived," Luke continues, voice filling with anger and bitterness, "He could have helped. I could've – I could've been able to know him, but they refused to help him."
"Luke, I – I'm sorry I wasn't there when you got back," she says, he can feel her sincerity though it hardly affects him right now. At least he's grateful that she wouldn't have reacted the same way the others did. "I didn't hear about it until now. I ordered them to do what we could, because no matter who he is, we have to treat Imperial prisoners fairly, but – " She trails off, glancing briefly at Vader's body before looking away.
He doesn't know what to feel about that. He knew how Leia would feel, and it's... good to hear that she still would have helped him, had she been there. That she wouldn't have made an exception in her insistence on treating Imperials fairly simply because he was Vader and Luke knows how much she hated (and feared) him. But it won't change what happened. It won't change that – that his father is dead because of the Alliance.
"Thank you," he murmurs finally, looking away. "I know how you feel about him..."
"Yes," Leia agrees, "But I understand why you went and – he saved your life. Besides, we must treat all prisoners fairly regardless of who they are." He can see how conflicted she's feeling even now, and he can't entirely blame her. He doesn't think she's actually upset that Vader is dead, but at the same time, he knows she often wondered what her biological parents were like. Mostly, he thinks she just regrets that Luke was hurt by it.
"I need to... prepare a funeral," he murmurs, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. He just met his father, got a chance to know him for the first time, and now he's here for his funeral instead.
**w**
It's night now, the only light illuminating the forest around Luke being that of the crackling flames as they burn what's left of his father and his armor.
He doesn't know why everything feels so empty all of a sudden, when he never really knew Vader anyway.
Still, he'd always dreamed – stupidly, pointlessly, and childishly – that Anakin might come for him someday. And now, all of that is nothing.
The flames continue to burn, light dancing off the trees around him.
In a way, it feels like it's burning up the last hope he ever had of knowing his father – it's true anyway. But beyond that, an entire page of his life.
He hasn't taken the time to come to terms with all of it, but... this happened because of the Alliance. If not for them, Vader could have survived. and of course, he can understand why so many of them hated Vader, but right now, he doesn't care.
In the end, they still took his father from him.
He misses him – is it strange, when he didn't even know him?
He stands there motionlessly, watching, until the flames begin to die down. In their wake it feels like they burned nothing more than a gaping hole through him. It was hard with Owen and Beru, but this is... he can't compare the incidents, really.
"I miss you," he whispers quietly, to the ashes in front of him, as though they could ever take the place of his father, of the life he should have had with him but never did. He was denied that because of the Emperor – or at least that's what he assumes. But in the end, even if he never got his childhood with Anakin, they could still have known each other, "All I ever wanted was – to know you. I knew I never would, but I still... dreamed." The way children often do. "I often watched the stars, imagining you were out there. But when I knew you were alive, I thought... maybe I could have it for real."
Tears abruptly sting his eyes again, and he doesn't bother to hold them back.
"I deserve this," Vader had said, and he doesn't care if maybe it's true. It only makes it hurt worse, knowing that his father was so at peace with the fact that he was going to die. It means he truly was redeemed though, and so, he shouldn't have had to die.
Luke has no idea how long he's been standing there in the woods, staring at what's left of his father, hardly hearing the typical sounds of the night, or the far-off cries of the rebels and Ewoks celebrating their victory.
Because everyone is celebrating now, probably across the galaxy.
Except him.
He's glad the Empire is gone. He's worked towards this for years, but he can't find himself to feel relief over it right now.
All he wants is for his father to be alive and with him. But he never will be again. Because of...
"Luke?"
He looks up, to see Han making his way through the trees.
"Luke!" Han calls again, walking over to him.
"I'm glad you're alright," Luke says, and he is, though he feels pretty much dumb to anything right now other than his father's death, "The Emperor told me that there was a trap, and... I was worried."
"You really thought I might not be able to pull it off?" he asks, teasingly.
Trying to lighten the atmosphere maybe, which Luke appreciates. "With how you failed to sneak up behind one stormtrooper, I had to wonder."
Han rolls his eyes. "So, Leia told me you're her brother?!"
Oh right. That. And it promptly brings up right back to Vader. "Yes, we are," Luke confirms.
"Like, when did you find out about that? Because –"
"Do not remind me," Luke groans. He's been trying very hard not to think about it, though he knows that type of affection doesn't always mean that type of love. Uggghhhhhh. He never wants to think about it again.
"I'll go with that." Han has the decency not to be smirking. Maybe it's because he's almost as appalled as Luke himself. "Are you planning to come to the celebration? It's already going."
"I heard," Luke replies, looking past him into the dark trees surrounding them. Maybe he should go. He's glad the Empire is gone, but he doesn't think he could go celebrate the very thing that led to his father's death. "I'd rather stay here right now."
Han frowns. "Is this about your father?"
It probably wasn't supposed to come across as inconsiderate, but it rubs him wrong anyway. "He saved my life!" Luke exclaims, "The Emperor is dead because of him, and they wouldn't even treat him. He would have survived, if not for them."
He turns away, stalking a short distance into the trees. No, he can't go to the celebration now. He can't deal with the Rebellion right now, definitely can't go celebrate with the people who, for all intents and purposes, killed his father.
"Sorry, kid. I didn't realize you were this upset about it," Han replies almost awkwardly, "I didn't know what happened."
Luke breathes out heavily, suddenly feeling more exhausted than he has in a long time. He doesn't think Han actually cares that Vader is dead – to be fair, he doubts Leia does either – but they do care that it hurt him. It hardly helps right now, though.
"I'll stay here. You should go back to the others. You didn't even want to get pulled into the Rebellion. You deserve the celebration," Luke tells him.
Han turns to go, then pauses. "You'll be alright here?"
"Yeah. I'll be fine."
He hears the crunching of leaves as the other walks away, but he doesn't turn around. He'd much rather be alone right now.
**w**
When he wakes up the next morning, it almost feels less real than it did the previous day, but the ache in his chest is only worse. As is the anger.
Schooling himself, Luke finally heads back to the others. They're all hurrying about, preparing to leave. They still have to take over Coruscant for this to be officially over.
His eyes scan the group, the people who were once his friends. Well, they still are his friends, but he can't look at any of them the same way again. Except for maybe Leia, Han, and Chewbacca, but still.
His father is dead because of the Rebellion, and he can't look at any of this the same way again.
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