Saturday
From the screendoor, Amy watched Georgie climb into Old Blue, head off to Granger's Wildlife Reserve, with Ty to see the wolf pup. As they drove away from the ranch house, plumes of brown dust rose behind the truck, obsecuring its existance, hastening its departure. She felt numb, on the verge of tears, but none came. Exhaling heavily, she retired to the front porch, sitting on the old bench, watching the world pass her by.
The Saturday noon sun was warm, the skies bright blue, the yard was lush with flowers blooming. When her schedule was full of horses, school, social happenings, her grandfather had to remind her to take the time to stop, enjoy her surroundings. Smell the roses, so to speak. But since her return from the European tour with Ahmed, the barn was empty of client horses, her schedule wide open. Her evenings were empty too, since Ty asked for a break in their relationship. She had nothing but time. Time to smell the roses. Time to anguish over her broken heart. Time to question herself, her decisions, her value. Time to fuel the anger she felt toward everyone, who she thought loved her unconditionally. From her grandfather to Ty, from Lou to Georgie, even her dad, they made her feel worthless. Each in their own way let her know that she failed, that she had changed, that she disappointed them, that her opinions were unimportant, that she as no longer worthy of their love. They withdrew from her, in subtle ways, and not so subtle.
So she felt numb, empty, invisible. She watched everyone go about their lives, their business, laughing, talking, while she looked in from the outside. No longer a part, no longer considered, no longer welcomed, no longer loved. She felt shunned, pathetic really.
Her phone vibrated, it was a text from Soraya. Her best friend since grade school had moved to London to attend school at the University of Oxford. Amy seldom heard from her as distance, time, circumstance made it difficult. But, she desperately needed her best friend, the only person in her close circle that didn't seem to judge her, to stop loving her.
"Hey Amy. Busy?" Soraya asked.
"Just sitting on the front porch. How are you?"
"Good."
"You?"
"Been better."
"Sorry Amy, I know things have been hard."
"Yeah. Well."
"Hey. I am coming home this weekend. Save some time for me?"
"YES! Can't wait to see you! Miss you."
"Me too. Miss you too. xxxx."
She sighed, then headed to the barn. Spartan began calling to her before she got to the barn door. Maybe her footsteps, maybe her scent, alerted him. "Hey boy. How are you today?" He shook his head, nuzzled her neck, happy to see her. "Me? Um..Soraya's coming home this weekend so I'm excited about that!" She petted him, combed her fingers through his mane, rubbed his nose, rested her head against his. His whiskers tickled her neck, making her laugh for a second. "Wanna ride with me." He nickered in response. "Well, let's get you saddled then."
She stopped, she thought she heard a creak in floorboard overhead. Curious, she inched slowly up the loft stairs. From the top step, she peered in. The room was vacated, bed made, a thin layer of dust covered each surface. It no longer smelled of Ty, he had moved out months ago. The large wooden door covering the window had unlatched, creaking as it swayed back and forth. Opening it wide, she looked across the yard, to the pens, to the mountain beyond. A gentle breeze touched her hair as it blew into the abandoned loft, causing the dust to lift, particles dance, twinkle in the sunlight. She felt at home here, more so than in the ranch house these days. Not because Ty had once lived there, but because he abandoned it just like he left her, empty, discarded. She sighed, latched the door, descended the steps.
Spartan was saddled before she realized, almost blanking as she performed the chore. Her mind was on Harley, quiet, head low, hay barely touched. Ty only came to Heartland to see Georgie and Jack, not for her or him. She considered ponying him, as she rode Spartan, but she thought better of it. Harley was no longer her business, her place. Georgie would likely ride him soon. So she pet him instead, whispered that he was a good boy, that he was loved, that he was Spartan's best friend. Her words seemed all so hollow.
She walked Spartan out of the barn, into the warm sun, swung up easily onto him, into the saddle. A click of her tongue urged him to a canter, then a gallop, her hair underneath her summer white, flying behind her. No matter where they rode on the 600 acre ranch, memories of Ty and her riding in those same spots invaded her thoughts, made her feel even more lonely, alone. So they kept riding, for hours it seemed, looking for solitude.
When somehow the two ended up at Mrs. Bell's house, Amy was glad. It was late afternoon, she and Spartan were thirsty and hungry. Maybe a hot cup of herbal tea, honey biscuit and conversation that sometimes made no sense would offer some relief. Dismounting, untacking and tying Spartan to the fence post, Amy put fresh water in an empty trough, which he drank immediately. Amy began calling for her old friend. She first looked into the unlocked house, then in her gardens, in the shed, she wasn't there. Neither was Sugarfoot.
She expected, given the late hour, that Mrs. Bell would be home soon. So she waited on the front porch, on a swing loaded with pillows and a crazy quilt handmade of faded fabric. As she swung slowly back and forth, chains bolted to the swing groaned against the S hooks mounted to the haint blue of porch ceiling. The rhythmic motion and sound crowded out the thoughts in her head, lulling her to sleep nested amongst the pillows and quilt.
The crowing of the rooster startled her awake, not knowing where she was at first. Inhaling deeply, she stretched her arms above her head then stood to stretch some more. She looked across the yard, glistening with dew, flowers bending slightly. Morning had come, she had slept straight through the night. Humming was coming through the screen door, Amy peered in. Mrs. Bell was petting Sugarfoot, while handfeeding her what looked like cookies.
"Well, hello dear. Did you sleep well?" Mrs. Bell called to her from inside.
Amy nodded, slightly embarrassed. "Thank you. Sorry for sleeping on your porch."
"Never mind that. You were snug as a bug when I came home last night, so I let you sleep."
Mrs. Bell and Sugarfoot joined her on the porch. "Would you like some hot tea and scones with honey, Amy?" She added. "Made the scones this morning."
"Yes, thank you. The scones smell heavenly." Amy carried their breakfast to a small white iron table cast in a floral pattern in the back garden. They sat underneath an oak tree with branches stretching skyward and outward from the massive trunk. The scent of delicate lilac floated with every gentle breeze.
"Amy. To what, do I owe the pleasure of your company?"
"We were out riding yesterday afternoon, and we happened upon your house. I wanted to say Hello."
"We? You and Ty?"
"No. Spartan, my horse, and I." she said, then added, "Ty and I are no longer together." her eyes lowered.
"I heard that in town yesterday. I didn't believe it." Mrs. Bell countered.
"Well, the rumors are true."
"You and Ty belong together. I told you that."
"Its complicated."
"Never said it wasn't." She took a sip of tea.
"I'm not sure we'll get back together. I went away to Europe for several months. Ty, everyone really, say I changed."
"Of course you did. Every adventure changes us. We learn, we grow."
"They don't seem to like the way I changed. I'm not sure what I can do." Tears began to roll down her cheeks. "Or where I should go. Or who I should be."
"Be Amy. Just be you."
"The Amy before I went?"
"Heavens no. You can't unlearn, or unsee, or ungrow. Just be you. As you are now."
"But, no one likes this Amy." she sniffled. "I made a mistake."
"Who doesn't?"
"My boss kissed me at a party. Someone videoed it. My family saw it. They think I wanted it."
"Did you? Did you want the kiss?"
"No. I love Ty. I want to marry him. It happened at the end of my trip. We were celebrating our successful season. I was leaving the next day to come home."
"Amy. Did your boss do anything else to make you feel uncomfortable?"
She shrugged her shoulders. "When I got home, he kept calling me, texting me. He'd show up even when I least expected it. He gave me gifts, like a saddle, a truck, a horse and a necklace. I tried to make him stop, but he wouldn't."
"I see. Amy. Did he hurt you?"
"No. Not physically. But, he scared me. He hurt my relationship with my family. With Ty."
"I see." she took a sip of tea. "I need to harvest some herbs. Will you help me?"
"Yes, of course. Do you mind if I get Spartan some fresh water and feed first?"
"Please do."
Starting another story line...hope this might catch your eye. SBR