... Don't ask where this idea came from XD
"But Dad, it was just a prank!" A young girl with pink hair exclaimed loudly while being driven home. It wasn't fair!
She simply hated her philosophy teacher!
Uncle Derflinger confirmed Brimir did in fact exist, and while he also confirmed him to have been only a human, it confirmed the existence of God!
Grant it, "god" with a small g, but still! She didn't need a philosophy lesson from a 40 year old virgin teacher in high-school!
So she may have rigged his chair so when he sat, a spell would go off and cause a real tiny explosion meant to make him scream and jump in fear.
How was she supposed to know the explosion would destroy the classroom!?
Sure, since it was magic and there was nothing left behind no one could pinpoint her as the guilty party… but classes were canceled because of "a possible terrorist attempt".
Parents were called, and hers obviously knew better…
"A prank that could put you in danger! What if someone had seen you preparing it?!" Saito Hiraga replied to his daughter with an angry tone, looking at her sitting on the backseat via the front mirror, only to see her scoffing and turning away, the actions causing the adult black haired man to sigh.
Really, he couldn't blame her; if he had the ability to use magic at her age, he would have loved to abuse it everyday of the week.
The problem is, of course, his wife. She's always the problem.
"She's a Fine Noble like me, she'll know better how to behave in public~" Is what she said.
The problem is that she forgot how she literally had him on a leash with chains, beat him with a whip, kicked him meters away with superhuman strength, and tossed explosions at his face when she was their daughter's age!
How could his wife be so proudly ignorant about the chance of their pink haired bastard being the same sadistic dumbass she used to be!?
He wasn't in favor of hitting his daughter or anything, but holy fuck, at least a small slap in the wrist every now and then, something more than just talks or simple groundings would help!
Maybe call Tiffania or someone else to give her some basic teachings on magic, that half-elf passed off as a human for years before saving his life, she would be a great teacher no doubt!
But no~ He couldn't rely on her at all~
"What do you want to see her for!? So you can fuck her and make her a kid like me?!" One would think that with age, Louise's jealousy would go down… and in a way, it did. She no longer tried to kill him when he talked to other females.
She actually let him watch porn whenever she's not feeling like fucking (albeit must be hentai because real women are a no), and she actually made an effort in her job as a magician for kids shows (especially when they applaud her and cheer her), so in a way, she grew up…
… But Louise couldn't let go of the possibility of something between him and any of their old contacts.
Of course she couldn't.
And why didn't she train her in magic herself? Simple~
"... I'll be honest, I improvised half of my spells and they kind of work, so she'll be like me, probably!" She didn't know how to teach and immediately gave up!
They had the book of prayers! Various possible items in the castle with Henrietta, but no, let the child learn by herself, it'll surely be a great idea in a world where magic is nothing short of fiction~
"Buddy, I get how you feel, but come on… don't be so hard on her~" The voice of Derflinger spoke up from the runes on his hand, the same ones he's had ever since he went on his isekai journey.
"Yeah! See! Listen to Uncle Derfy! He's the Mimir of the group!" Saito groaned at his daughter's words… Okay, maybe he had some fault in buying her a playstation and letting her use the credit card to buy a new game every month.
… And maybe he made a worse mistake in giving Louise the card's information. Knowing her, she probably surrendered to their kid's begging of the data for "important" things.
If not for them going to Halkeginia every now and then to collect taxes (rob Henrietta's royal vault) and sell the gold here, they may stop being able to afford all of their great luxuries.
Still, Saito had enough, and he wasn't going to let his daughter one day do something stupid enough to get caught in public and be turned into a lab rat!
"No, I'll have a serious talk with your Mom, and I swear to you little missy things will change." The pink haired Hiraga pouted, and he simply turned on the radio, hoping to find a station with music.
As he traversed through it, the girl on the backseat suddenly perked up as she could have sworn she heard someone talk.
"M-... Mother…?" The young girl muttered while looking around, but truly, all there was was the car and the streets they're moving through.
As Saito kept on looking for a station reproducing music instead of news of the "terrorist attack", the voice only seemed to grow louder on the girl's head.
"What universe… is this a new spell?" As she said those words, Saito finally reached a station with music, and once he did that, he blinked.
He didn't know what his daughter suddenly began talking about with herself, but the words "Universe" and "Spell" reminded him of his most important memory to date.
Instinctevely, Saito hit the brakes, making the car come to a sudden stop, causing loud beeps from the cars behind him, which just barely managed to dodge them, and cause his daughter to almost be launched forward, stopped only by her seatbelt.
"Beatrice?!" Saito turned to his daughter and he found a colorless portal having opened next to her. Before any of them realized it, tendrils reached for the pink-haired girl and dragged her in before she could say a thing. "..."
"... I-... take it that's bad…?" Derflinger, for once, sounded unsure of what just happened.
Saito took a deep breath… trying to calm down… and then smacked his head on the wheel. "Derf."
"Yes, Partner?"
"Remind me to choke Louise and call for Tiffania after we solve this shenanigan."
"Alrighty~!"
He just prayed it was HIS Louise the one to have done this in an attempt to "pick their daughter" because of course she didn't answer his phone when he called her about this.
…
Of course, he knew it wasn't going to be so easy.
BOOM
Louise de la Valliere almost felt tears forming in her eyes as she watched the explosion go off within the summoning circle.
At the same time, she heard jeering from all around her, and she fell to her knees.
All her hard work, all her studying, all her… everything for absolutely nothi-!
"What in the name of fuck?! That hurt!" They heard a voice within the portal, causing all of the students in the courtyard to sound surprised. It didn't take long before Tabitha, the blue haired girl hiding behind her dragon from the explosion, used a wind spell to reveal the area.
What they found was a commoner girl with short pink hair and wearing a simple skirt with fluffy long socks and simple school shoes, and a blue and white jacket that belonged to her father (what? It fits her well and he never uses it).
However, the common observation didn't quite stop there. As they looked at her a bit more closely, they noticed she-... looked a lot like Louise, save for a couple details like a couple moles around her nose bridge, being a full head taller, and-...
Boing
Louise stared at her look-alike with a quiet but murderous expression, for those things were-... they were one cup above average for girls their age!
Why!? Why did the universe do this to her?! More importantly, was this her summon!?
Her almighty Familiar she called for!?
This is-... this might be a pretender for all they know! Someone who heard of the familiar summoning and is now using this chance to make herself pass as a long lost twin of the youngest daughter of the Valliere fam-
"Oh, hi Mom! Nice cosplay, did I miss an invitation card for the event or something?" The girl in the circle spoke up as soon as she came into consciousness with her surroundings, and then gave a smile to the smaller girl before her.
Everyone was left quiet at the words this girl used to introduce herself.
Meanwhile, Beatrice was equally quiet at the general response of the audience… Did she say something wrong? Nope, she probably didn't… then did her Mom waste herself early again with that root beer? (Though she didn't know how someone could get drunk with a soda)
Thankfully, the first reaction came in the form of a chuckle escaping someone's lips, followed up by several more.
"The Zero summoned a crazy commoner!" Said a girl who looked a lot like Auntie Montmorency, and… thinking about it, there were a lot of people here who looked a lot like Beatrice's many uncles and aunties.
She could even see Uncle Colbert on the side, looking half embarrassed of the way those around him are acting up and of the fact he looked ready to give an order he didn't want to give, probably.
Suddenly, the young girl turned to Uncle Colbert and said, "P-Professor, this is a mistake! There's no way this crazy peasant can be my Familiar!"
"Huh?" Now that finally got a reaction out of Beatrice and made her put a hand on her hip, "That's right, I'm not anyone's Familiar."
"See! Even this crazy commoner shares-"
"After all, Daddy is your manwhore of a Familiar!" Beatrice nodded as she remembered the way her Mother had described him back when she was drunk.
"Yes! Precisely what she's sayi-!" Louise stopped in her tracks and turned to her taller look-alike, "What?"
Beatrice began nodding again as she decided to go along with what she guessed was a game; "Well, you summoned my Father sixteen years ago, collared him, kicked him every time you could, ripped Auntie Kirche's tits off during her sleep, raped him when he was unconscious from so many beatings, and every time he wanted to talk with any female or gay he'd awaken the next day with a chastity cage on his crotch."
Of course, only three of those facts were accurate, but the rest wasn't so far off either.
And if anything, the girl who looked a lot like Auntie Kirche seemed to drop a little her smile and take a step away from the spot.
"..." Suddenly, Louise could feel more than a couple of eyes on her at the accusations of actions she hadn't done (yet) and hadn't planned on doing (yet)!
Nobles were known for doing what they wanted and when a commoner accused them of a crime it either meant that it was real or they were making it up, usually being real, and never being judged nor put in investigation.
And while they knew Louise hadn't done anything like that yet (she was a coward), they thought for a moment… and if Louise had a single male Familiar to hold onto and nothing else…
"... Okay, you know what, sure, you're my Familiar!" Louise's eyes began burning with rage, and she'd make this person swallow their words, be them mentally healthy or not!
"Oh, no~" Beatrice, meanwhile, took a step back in a rather dramatic fashion, thinking herself to be caught in some weird joke or something.. "What am I to do now that I'll be enslaved by the sexually hungry Lady Louise?~"
"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!" Louise began making a mad dash for the taller girl. She'd smooch those lips of hers and hopefully she'd remain quiet once she pulled out her whip and met her rage! That'd teach her to not lie anymore!
Beatrice patiently waited for her Mother (who ran slower than she remembered her being able to) dashing at her. The pink haired teen waited until Louise jumped… and then side-stepped, letting Louise go right by her side and have her face meet the dirt and grass with a rather loud thud. "Ole!"
Beatrice was ready to start laughing at her Mother the moment she got up to then try to get her again. Of course she knew Louise is playing with her, if her Mommy wanted to, she could use a paralysis spell and keep her in place. She may not be anywhere near the level of Brimir, or even of Auntie Tiffania or Auntie Tabitha, but her Mommy was a really deadly Void Mage.
Soon enough Louise made her. However, nothing she thought she'd do is what she did, for all she saw was how the young Valliere sat up on the ground and turned to her direction with tears of impotence in her dirt-covered eyes.
"M-Mom…?" Beatrice actually got worried about the fact her Mommy was not laughing or joking or calling off this farce. Instinctively, she began approaching her, starting to think that maybe, just maybe, she went a little too far, "H-Hey, come on, you've taken it worse than that so… uh… don't cry please?"
Louise sniffed and hicked while looking down, making Beatrice flinch and realize that now she was the one getting mean looks from everyone.
"Okay, okay, I overdid it, uh…" She knelt next to her side and put a hand on her shoulder, "How about we go for a slice of cake and-"
"Got you!" Louise proceeded to headbutt Beatrice, making her whine in pain and recoil by falling down onto her butt. Louise then rushed onto her downed Familiar and planted their lips together, getting an "ew!" from everyone watching.
Two girls sharing dirt via a kiss wasn't precisely hot… if it were mud it'd probably be, but dirt is not.
However, the one who wanted to puke the most was Beatrice… her first kiss… her legitimate first kiss… stolen by her Mother…!
Finally, Louise pulled her lips back and looked at the taller one with a grin, "How's that, huh?~"
It took a second for Beatrice to respond, and when she did, she went to her jacket's pocket and pulled out a wand while glaring at Louise. "... Please don't tell me you are a Mage."
"FIREBALL!"
BOOM
Well, one thing was for certain. Nobody was going to envy the cleaning staff from this day onward.
AN: Well-... first chapter done and honestly, this'll be a crack fic with absolutely no f's given by my part, just something to do when I feel bored XD
And honestly, a question was born as I wrote this chapter; "Is it still incest if the family member is from an Alternate reality?"
Feel free to answer it in the comments, and have all of you a wonderful day XD
[No, this story won't influence The Familiar and the Zero's upload time, so don't worry on that aspect. ^_^]