Chapter 1

Lawrence's arm shielded Holo as the knifeman drew near. His eyes darted all over the alleyway for an escape route but all there was lay behind the assailant. His deadly blade gleamed off the moonlight, his eyes dead and hollow.

"Listen if it's money you're after I have plenty." said Lawrence withdrawing his coin purse and tossing it before his feet.

The foul creature disregarded it and said heedlessly, "It's not money I want, it's her." Then tipped the knife upon the fair woman whom Lawrence saw trembling behind him.

"Holo? Why her?"

"I know what she is, but most importantly, I know who'll pay top dollar for her demise. If you stand aside maybe I'll let you have a cut."

Lawrence unsheathed his blade, "How about cut for cut?"

Holo gripped his arm, "Let me use the wheat."

Right as she was about to make the attempt the knifeman rushed with a murderous charge. Lawrence readied himself to defend.

Suddenly a blinding green flash stung Lawrence's eyes. After rubbing them a moment he saw a strange winding circle behind the frozen knifeman whose face was locked in pain and terror. Lawrence soon discovered that the circle was actually dissecting the man right down his axillary line in which his front half fell forward and the other half fell back.

It was a rather grisly display.

"Sorcery!?" he stammered in fear and wonder.

Holo was also rubbing her eyes and asked, "Why is there the smell of human viscera?"

Just then the circle bent outward giving way to a disenfranchised old man in a white lab coat followed by a fidgety young boy in a yellow shirt.

"Ugh!" groaned the old man, "Well here we are Morty, another stupid medieval time period for another one of your stupid adventures."

He took out his flask and followed up after a drink, "I swear you never learn."

Morty rubbed the back of his head in anger, "C'mon Rick, you said I could pick the next adventure!"

"That's not the point, the point is that it's ANOTHER medieval adventure. Allow me to recall your memory that shares the same synaptic challenges of a meth addict. First time, you almost got MJ'd in a tavern bathroom. Second time, I almost got killed during a purge by some stupid bitch with a bone to pick with the top one percent. Third time was that dragon soul bonding crap and I'd (burp!) do anything not relive that episode."

"Okay Rick fine I get it. You think medieval adventures suck."
"No Morty, it's like medieval adventures are your abusive boyfriend. Like sure you get beat and humiliated on a continual basis, but for some reason you you keep coming back because the sex is amazing or whatever."

Lawrence stepped forward, "Ummm, excuse me?"

Rick gave him a deadpan look, "Hm, well at least the locals look…uh what's that word?…oh right; human. So what's your deal? Are you like gonna give us this normal facade then out of nowhere turn into some giant monster, lure us in a dungeon of ungodly debauchery or show us around your utopian city only to there to have some fascist hitch attached. Or pull some other idiosyncratic wild card out of your ass that'll send the little dip knob of my grandson into a spiral of fear and loathing?"

Lawrence blinked a few times before processing that, "What? No! I mean how did you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Create a void and walk through it?"

"It's magic don't worry about it."

"Magic?" said Holo making her presence known.

Morty saw her and immediatley became infatuated. Rushing up he stuck out his hand, "Hello fair maiden, I am Morty, feller of offenders, purger of anarchists and tamer of dragons. What title does thee go by?"

Rick rolled his eyes.

She shook his hand, "My name is Holo."

"Don't get too attached." said Rick.

"I'm not gonna get attached Rick."

"I was talking to her."

"Anyway!" Holo yelled getting their attention, "In case you had not noticed, you just slew a man right where he stood!"

Rick looked down at the carnage from his portal and asked with hands in his pocket, "Friend of yours?"

"Well, no."

"Then I don't care." he said while walking away.

Lawrence chased after him, "Hey before you go can I at least thank you?"

"Thank me for what?"

"That man wanted to kill us and if it wasn't for you…well who knows."

"Trust me, I wasn't doing you a favor."

Morty picked up on what Lawrence said and asked of Holo, "Wait he was trying to kill you? Why?"

Rick stopped, his face clenched in anger, "Oh Goddammit Morty!"

"It's my adventure Rick and we're helping them! Anyway, why did this guy wanna kill you?"

Holo turned a shade of red, "Well…the reason being is because…well it is difficult for me to say."

Rick suddenly stepped in, "Okay pump the f*cking brakes; Is it difficult for you to say because, you're posing as a human when in reality you're a monster, a god, immortal or some kind of closeted sex pervert?"

There was a long pause with Rick just glaring at her.

"Well…" Holo started, "There is this." she pulled her robe back revealing her ears and tail.

"Okay, nothing too weird." Rick scrutinize, then asked with an eyebrow raised, "And?"

Holo scratched her head, "My true form is that of a giant wolf."

"Alright, I appreciate the honesty, keep it coming."

"I can command bountiful harvests of wheat. Many people considered me a god."

"You're on a winning streak, don't stop there."

"And I can live for hundreds of years and remain young."

Rick squinted, almost convinced, "Okay…there's one item left on that list."

Holo bit her lip and looked away.

Rick hardened his scowl, "C'mon, out with it."

She was still too reluctant to answer.

Lawrence sighed and said, "On the night we met, she was shamelessly naked. There was also another time she asked me to sire a child out of shear loneliness."

"Cool I'm out. Have fun with the furry convention Morty." he said leaving.

"Lawrence you fool!"

"Ah geez c'mon Rick!"
He breezed passed Lawrence saying, "Best of luck to ya pal, she sounds like a real…eeeerp!… catch."

Lawrence looked over to Holo and Morty.

Morty shrugged and said, "I dunno, you can try bribing him into sticking around."

Lawrence scooped up his coin purse and chased after him, "Hey if you're willing to help us discover the mystery behind our attacker I can pay you handsomely."

Rick stopped and turned around, "Oh yeah, with what?"

"With this."

Rick gazed into the now opened purse.

"Gold and silver? What good'll that do me?"

"Hey lay off him Rick. Gold and silver is really valuable in a medieval world."

"Yeah thanks for the second grade clarification on economical downgrades Morty!"

"Listen," Lawrence started, "If there's something else you want in exchange for your help. I'll do whatever it is within my power to help you get it."

"No you don't get it pal, there's nothing within your power that can get me what I want. I mean what can someone like you offer someone like me? You're so technologically behind my state of being I'm amazed the sight of my portal didn't send you staggering in a clockwise direction. What are you anyway?"

"Well, I'm a merchant by trade."

Rick lifted his eyebrows, "A capitalist huh? You're the worst monster of all."

Holo intervened, "That is uncalled for!"

"Yeah Rick," Morty protested, "You're being kind of a dick."

"You're right Morty," he replied, "Capitalist jokes are interchangeable with lawyer ones. I mean…I mean Burp! they're pretty standard for your typical undergrad student."

"Rick I swear to God if you don't help me help them, then, then, then I'm going to, to, go to school full time and do my homework and stuff which'll take all of time so I can't go on adventures with you!"

"Oh la di freaking da, boy you're sure twisting my arm here."

Suddenly Rick's coat started beeping with which he withdrew a scanning device that seemed to be aimed on Holo. He walked up to her waiving it up and down her like a wand.

"Huh, well whadya know, I guess you do have something I want."

"Pardon?"

"Tell me, do you carry threshed wheat grains that came from the wheat field you lived in containing your very essence?"

Holo was floored, "Y-yes, how did you know?"

"Because I know everything. Anyway, I'll help you in exchange for some of that wheat."

She looked at him blankly, "How does my wheat benefit you?"

"Look do we have a deal or not?"

Holo stuck out her hand, "Deal."

Rick shook it then walked to the bifurcated corpse and stuck some gizmo in one of the brain lobes which then projected a holographic screen depicting the man's latest activities from his POV.

"What is that?" Lawrence asked in total awe.

"What's it look like? Obviously I'm scanning his memories to see who hired him to kill you."

Then after further examination he said, "Looks like I could only compile half of the data."

Morty questioned him on this, "What do you mean only half?"

"Gee I don't know Morty, maybe it's because his brain's split in half. Sure you don't want to redact that whole going back to school full time threat?"
"Ok fine, just scan the other half of his brain to get the missing pieces then."

Rick cycled through the memory files, "It's pretty clear you don't know how brains work. We'll need to go to this tavern and seek out this shadowy figure who gave him the knife."

Then putting the gizmo away he declared, "Looks like a we, we, we got a who done it case. Rick and Morty are solving a potential murder mystery. We're totally going L.A Noir with this one. Gotta figure who tried to have, have, have your waifu killed. So I can get her special wheat. Rick and Morty helpeeerp! helping Holo and Lawrence, how crazy is that?

It's a Rick and Morty, Spice and Wolf crossover!"