Just Another Day
Just another day. Just another miserable and hollow day of empty work and lonely rooms. This was her life now, sorrowful and monotonous, a life with nothing but just another days, being her senseless work the only thing she had to entertain her. However, even that would fail to truly take her mind from what she desperately wanted to forget, from what she desperately wanted to run away from, from the last day that wasn't just another day. Although, in a way, in a twisted way, she was pleased by this, by her suffering. She was pleased that, even after two years, she was still paying for what she had done. Ever since that fateful day, ever since Commander Shepard's death, Tali's life has been changing drastically, mainly for the worse. Crying attacks and crises started to be normal, frequent. They would always happen in her work, when the job at hand would finally start to fill her mind, drowning everything else in there. In those moments, tears would start to fall and then sobs would escape her throat. As the others around her would look at her in worry and curiosity she would excuse herself to the bathroom and cry her soul out. She didn't deserve rest. After a few months of refusing any help, the others stopped looking out for her. Some of her work colleagues and a few friends tried to pull her out of work with invitations to the main plaza or with insisting requests for her to attend to some party or celebration. She turned them all down, every single one. She didn't deserve fun. One year later, no one called her anymore. There were also those that tried to appeal to a more sensitive side of her, confessing their infatuation and liking of her. Again, she turned them all down. She didn't deserve love. Even those stopped after a time. She didn't deserve happiness.
She had taken countless lives during her still young life, all of criminal scum or mercenaries working for the wrong people or of mindless slaves that her enemies had raised to fulfil their twisted, dark wishes for the galaxy, not mentioning the geth, of course, although those can't be really counted as lives taken. None of those she regrets truly. But there is one life she regrets taking, that she regrets more than anything else she had ever done. That life was Commander Shepard's, the hero of the Citadel, the best friend she ever had, and the only man that she had loved. It was her fault, it was her kill. It may not have been her finger which pressed the trigger, but it was her safety and well-being that lured him to his death. It may not have been her gun which fired, but it was her eyes that witnessed his undoing, all behind the safety of a closed door. He was gone because of her and, for that, she didn't deserve anything. Not love. Not happiness. Not fun. Not sleep. Not rest. Not forgiveness. Not release… Not death, not from her own hands. She would forever mourn his death, forever suffer with guilt, forever relieve her greatest mistake because that she deserved.
They were both in the mess room before everything could go down, she remembers. She remembers that they were alone, they had invited Garrus, their good turian friend, to enjoy their break together but he had declined, some calibrations he needed to do, he explained. She remembers as well that Garrus had sneakily winked at her with the turian equivalent of a suggestive smile, she remembers showing him her middle finger once Shepard turned his back, a blush on her cheeks, she remembers that she learned this gesture and its meaning with Joker who would oftenly do it to many people and ships, mostly enemy ships. She remembers that Garrus laughed at her. She also remembers that she was telling her human friend the story of how her mother and father got together when they finally found a free table. She remembers that he was eating a recently made chicken sandwich and that she had a can of dextro paste in hand, Palaven fruits, she remembers.
"And then," She remembers telling. "my mother came running inside the bridge, she slapped my father's head and said something like: 'What on the Homeworld do you think you're doing!? You're going to kill us all, you bosh'tet!' He was really angry and ordered mother arrested for insubordination. But, before the guards could do anything at all, my mother grabbed him by the arm," To better emphasize her point, Tali grabbed an invisible and imaginary arm and pulled it with all her might. "and pulled him off the helmsman chair, then she sat there and took control of the ship. And then, seeing no other option… she fired."
"No!" The Commander almost yelled in desperation, his back hitting against the chair and his hand against his forehead.
"Yes. It was the only option, it was too late to run away. As soon as she turned the ship, the battleship would have an opening to attack them."
"But it's the Alarai!" The Commander protested. "She's underpowered!"
"Yes, she was, but, like I said, it was the only option. Besides, mother had a few advantages. Firstly, the batarians had finished the Sheepal, may they find peace on the fields of the homeworld, which meant that they had to heat their weapons to fire again. Also, Sheepal, before falling, managed to damage the batarians armor right where the FTL drive was to be. Mother had just to give the finishing blow. And so she did. She grabbed the bull by the horns, to quote a human saying, and fired at the haul breach, overloading and melting the ship's core and disabling it completely before it could even fire again."
He swallowed the food in his mouth. "But how? Her guns would need to charge before firing too."
Tali nodded in acknowledgement. "That is the advantage and disadvantage of fighting with a quarian research ship. The weapons are really weak, yes, but the power is easily redirected, she only needed to redirect all the non-esensial power of the ship to the cannons. Because the ship is not designed to carry so much energy in one place only, much less in the guns, it entered in an emergency state to release all the pent up energy as soon as possible. There are two ways to release energy in those quantities in a ship: Through the thrusters or through the guns. Because all the power was on the weapons, that became the only effective and safe option. The cannons were destroyed beyond repairs in the process and the ship was stuck in place for hours, but the shot was fast and strong enough to end the battle."
"Yes Tali, I know how the 'energy cluster emergency state' works. "He chuckled as she took the opportunity to finally introduce the opened can in her oral hatch of her helmet. "Which means that I also know that it caused an overload on the entire ship, therefore it got stuck. She took a great risk, if she failed the shot, or if it wasn't enough to finish with the batarians's battleship, they would be defenseless."
"Hmm." She hummed in agreement while swallowing the food, she then waited for the hatch to seal safely to, finally, take the can off the helmet and talk. "Yes, indeed." She said, still gulping some of the paste. "She took a great risk by overloading the weapons. But it was the only option. She couldn't run away because that would give the batarians the time they needed and she couldn't fire normally without having to wait for the weapons to heat, again, giving the enemy time. Not to mention that the guns were way too weak to go toe-to-toe with a batarian battleship."
The Commander nodded while taking the food to the mouth. "And what happened after that? I bet your father wasn't that happy with your mother."
"Oh no!" Tali laughed. "He was far from happy. He was pissed! He ordered everyone but mother off the bridge, even the security that were charged to arrest her. And when everyone was out, he started to yell at her, and she yelled back. "She stopped just to start again a moment later, shyly. "W-well, I… Well, I-I don't know how the discussion went on but… I know how it… finished…" She stopped again, clearly shy about the whole thing, so the Commander, polite as always, just continued eating quietly, which did and didn't surprise her. She knew the man before her, and she knew he wouldn't feel right with himself by pushing someone, principally a friend, towards something they wouldn't want to talk about. However she also knew that, oftenly, the curiosity of the human was stronger than him. "You're not going to ask about it?" She asked.
"No, you don't want to talk about it, I won't push you to it." He said, munching the food in his mouth.
Can he become more perfect? He was so polite and respectful, so good with her like no other non-quarian ever treated her, hell, he treats her better than some quarians. How could she not fall for him? She took a deep breath, although it was more a dreamy sigh than anything else. "No, it's nothing like that." She chuckled. "Nothing bad or traumatizing happened, it's just a bit… awkward for me to talk about it." Commander Shepard didn't say a thing, but the question was in his eyes, so she took another deep breath. "They umm… Well, they linked suits and… w-well… uhh… m-made me."
His eyes were shot open wide with surprise. "Right there? Just like that?"
"R-Right there. Just like that."
"Damn!"
"Yeah. After that, mother became father's best and most trusted pilot, and some months later, lil' me was born." She chuckled nervously, awkwardly pointing at herself with her thumbs, yet another gesture she had learned from one of the human crew.
"Hell Tali. I have to say, excuse my french but, your mother has balls. I can see where you got your… well… you."
Tali laughed. "Oh no, me and my mother are way too different. I wish I was as brave as she was."
"What do you mean? You think you're not? Please Tali, you're the bravest quarian I ever met.
"Shepard, I am the only quarian you ever met." Her glowing eyes curved into a skeptical glare.
"That's… actually a good point. But that doesn't deny the fact that you're one of the bravest people I ever met… Not just quarians, people, as a whole.
She looked at her hands on the table shyly, flattered by the comment. "You're just saying that."
"No, I'm not." He grabbed her hands, which made her have to hold an excited squeal. "I mean it. You remember when we first found you in the Citadel?" Tali nodded looking back at the Commander's eyes. "I remember that the turian guy had pinned you down with a gun at your head and you still told him to go fuck himself… in your own way." He chuckled and she did the same, unable to hold on a smile of her own. Not when that man was presenting her his oh so charismatic laughter. "You came with us to Therum, almost destroying your suit in the process because of the damn heat. And you came with us to Noveria, almost destroying your suit again, this time, because of the cold. And Feros! You were sick and you still came with us. You are really brave, Tali, believe me."
"Thank you." She said quietly after some moments of silence.
He smiled heartfully and pressed her covered hands with his. "Actually Tali, I–We should be thanking you. You saved us all countless times. If it wasn't for you, we would be all dead."
"That's just not true."
"The information of Saren's treason."
"Yeah, okay but…"
"Feros, you were the one to disable the geth ship's claws, remember?"
"Oh, please! That was easy! Anyone could do that. I simply did it fas…"
"Okay then, not enough. Virmire." When he said this name he flinched just for a small moment, it was still painful the loss of Ashley. Even after so many months. "Saren got us surrounded by explosives, remember that? If you hadn't hacked his board, you can believe, we would all be dead already…" This time, she didn't protest. "What I'm trying to say is that, however useless you may think you are, you're not. You're one of the bravest, strongest, most talented and most sweet people I have the pleasure to know, and it's honestly an honor to call you a good friend. So please, please don't think you're useless or weak or… whatever you think you are. I bet your mother is going to be really proud when you go back to the Flotilla and tell her what you did."
Her head lowered while she spoke quietly, sadly, taking her hands from his grip. "My… my mother is dead."
"Oh shit!" His hands to his mouth for a second before he could get up and walk around the table to sit next to her. "I'm sorry Tali, I'm so sorry." He said hugging her shoulders with one arm. "I-I didn't know, I'm truly sorry."
She sighed. "Don't worry, you couldn't have known, I never told you."
"Uhhh…" The Commander stood still for a moment, only moving his hand up and down, rubbing her shoulder and arm. "So… umm…" He started after a moment of thinking what to say next. "So, t-tell me about her. What was she like?... Apart from being really brave."
"Well I… uhh.. I didn't actually meet her, she… she died giving birth to me." The Commander sighed, mouthing 'Fuck' at himself. "All I know about her is from what my father and aunt told me."
"Oh fuck, Joh…" he breathed, his head low before looking back at the woman next to him. "I'm sorry Tali, I really am. I-I shouldn't have, I…"
"No, Shepard, really. There's no problem." She said looking at his eyes, a kind smile although invisible to him, was hearible in her voice. "You couldn't have known… And thank you for what you said. It was very sweet of you."
His mouth curved into a small smile. "Well someone has to say it, might as well be me..."
"EMBRACE YOURSELVES! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!" As soon as Joker's voice sounded through the ship's comns a beacon of yellow energy pierced through the shields and armor of the Normandy like it was naught but hot butter. Shepard, due to his trained reflexes, was fast enough to hold on to the metal table and, since his arm was already around Tali he had only to stiff his grip for them both to be secure as the staff who hadn't the luck of being incinerated by the first attack were swallowed to the big black, having their air being ripped out of their lungs and their limbs frozen.
Shepard grunted in pain, feeling his shoulder moving out of place. "Shepard!" The woman in his arms had called in worry, noticing the pain in his face, she knew he wouldn't hear her but, to be truthful, she was shouting more to herself than to him. He, for his turn, just held, pressing Tali even more against his chest with his good arm. When Joker finally managed to turn on the shields again, and, with them, the artificial gravity and the last few reserves of oxygen, the couple of friends fell to the ground, the man's grunt turned into a painful scream.
"Fuck!" He yelled.
"Shepard!" Tali shouted again, trying desperately to help him up, still around his arm. "Y-your arm!"
"I'm fine." He exhaled, still in pain. "I'm fine, it's just… fuck, that hurts." He said, taking his arm around her to painfully clench on his shoulder. Tali just stood there looking at him and helping him stay on his feet unnecessarily, not knowing what to do. The attacks had stopped for now, she could only wish it was just a hit and run operation, but that was just hopeful misjudgement, deep inside she knew that whoever did this was just heating their guns to fire again. "T-Tali." He called some few seconds later. "Go grab my armor, please."
She immediately nodded and ran off to the Commander's locker a few steps away. She opened the locker that luckily had survived the attack, and took the armor from it. She just wanted to curse and scream into oblivion, the questions were so many. Why now? Why the Normandy? Who were the attackers? Was it the Geth? The Reapers? Some kind of Homeland forgotten criminal from the Terminal Systems? Why? What? How? Who? She could feel the cold sweat run down her forehead, the armor falling from her shaking hands, her intestines and bladder starting to feel quite light and tingly. She could feel the tears welling up on her eyes, the voice building up on the back of her throat. She was panicking… No, nonono, not now. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. The Commander's words rose from the back of her head. 'You are really brave, Tali, believe me.'. No, that was not true, she wasn't brave, she was a coward, actually she was moments away from shitting and pissing her suit in fear… But, the truth is that Shepard believes she is that brave woman her mother once was, and as sure as hell she wasn't going to disappoint him. She opened her eyes and immediately grabbed the hand piece of the armor that had fallen to the ground, running back to the sitting man.
He watched her running to him with the armor built for a taller man than her around the arms, the armor almost falling to the ground at each step she would take, it would be funny and kind of cute if they weren't in a situation like this one. "H-here!" She struggled, letting the armor fall on the table, then she looked at him. "What are you doing?"
"What do you think?" He hissed, preparing psychologically for the upcoming pain.
"D-do you need help with that?"
"No, I just need…" He grabbed his wrist and with a swift motion put his shoulder into the socket. "FUCK!" It was heard as well as the soft, victorious crack, of the bone entering into the place it was due.
"Shepard!" She nervously yelled in fear.
"I'm fine!" Shepard reassured, moving and stretching his shoulder. "I'm fine… Now get the hell out of here, go to the pods." He grabbed his helmet and placed it over his head. "To the Ground Team. Are you hearing me?" He spoke while quickly putting the rest of his armor into place.
"Shepard!" Garrus' voice was heard. "Thank the Spirits you're fine, how is Ta…"
"We're both fine! Now hear me. I want you out of here right now, take everyone you can with you. Garrus and Wrex take care of the Engineering."
"Aye aye, Commander."
"Shepard."
"Liara, Kaiden, where are you now?"
"We're…"
"You know what? I don't care. Take everyone out in the area you are, no more casualties."
"Yes, Commander."
"Aye aye. Just one problem, Commander." Kaiden said, while Liara left the comns.
"What is it, Lieutenant?"
"Joker, Commander. He won't leave, he thinks he can still save the Normandy."
"What!? And you didn't pull him out of there!?"
"I tried, Commander."
"You Tried!? He's a fucking crip…" He took a deep breath. "Just get out of here, Lieutenant. I'll deal with him. And what the hell are you still doing here?" The Commander asked Tali, who, against his orders, was still there, waiting for him.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "I am not leaving you alone."
"Miss Zorah, are you defying my orders!?" He yelled. "Get the hell out of here!"
"Yes I am!" She fought back. "And I'm not going anywhere without you! You are wounded and you need help! I am not leaving you alone!"
Shepard sighed, his armor complete. "Goddammit Tali… You better wish we don't die, because, if we do, I'm killing you so bad! Let's go!" Tali smiled, she knows she shouldn't but she did nonetheless, happy that Shepard, at least this time, saw reason, if not only because of the limited time they were running against. "Joker!" He called climbing the stairs to the CIC, fire and explosions around them. Static was his answer. "Joker! Answer me, godammit." Again, static. "Fucking comns."
"Maybe he is… well." Tali said, sadness and lack of hope in her voice.
"He's fine, Tali." He snapped at her, the idea of one of his best friends dying to this attack, heavy on his soul. "He is fine. He's just… he is fine, now be ready. I'm opening the door." As he pressed the green hologram on the door to the CIC and the two halves slided apat, they felt the relentless pull to the outer space, saved only by a feminine artificial voice coming from the helmets themselves. "Vacuum threat identified. Emergency magnetic boots protocol activated." Shepard was never so happy to hear that irritating voice, he even welcomed it when he felt his armored feet stomping on the metal ground, locking them both with magnetic force. If it was in a normal circumstance, he would probably snap at it, calling it irritating for the hundredth time, but not today, not this time.
They walked inside the CIC, of what was left of it, and they both gasped in a sadness filled wonder, the view was… beautiful… gorgeous… sad, but gorgeous. Lighted by the reflected blue-ish while light reflected from the planet above them, they quietly contemplated the once familiar Operations Center, walking towards the cockpit as fast as their magneted steps would carry them. They looked at the galaxy map, slowly floating out of place, the holographic galaxy, the brain of their dear Normandy, nothing more than colored static. They looked at the walls, once indestructible, immaculate, once complete, with people walking around and about. Now, nothing more than rubble and debris, empty, hollow, dead. And finally, they looked at the ship, at that cursed ship in the distance that looked more like a colossal organization of disorganized rocks bound to a gigantic metal pipe, a yellow glow coming from inside, Normandy's doom. The human glared at it, hate and anger burning the sadness away as he quietly cursed that ship and, even more quietly, swore that he would put that thing down… Someday, after helping Joker and Tali out of this crumbling place, he was going to find that ship and tear it apart, piece by piece like the hunk of shit it was. He looked away rapidly, the tear of sadness and anger building up on the verge of his eye being thrown to the visor with the movement. Someday, he will have his revenge… but not today. "Let's go." He commanded the quarian that, only then, took her eyes off the ship and its glowing center, almost ready to fire again. They could already see the human pilot in the cockpit, in the far end of the corridor, protected by the cockpit's local gravitic field. He was there, sitting on his metal seat, making no effort to get out, instead pressing buttons and pulling holographic levers, giving his two hundred percent to save the ship, he was even startled when the Commander placed the hand on one of his shoulders. "Joker! What are you still doing here?! We have to go!"
"Can't Commander!" He replied, immediately recovering from the small scare, there was no time for such luxury. "I have to save her! I can save her! I am the only one that can save her!"
"Shepard, they're about to fire!" The woman's voice was heard.
"Fuck, not now. Joker, you can't save her, no one can, the thrusters are vaporized, the mass effect core is one tick away from exploding. I'm sorry Joker, but our girl is already gone. Honor her sacrifice and don't throw your life away for this."
He is wrong! He can save her! He is the best pilot the Alliance has to offer, hell, maybe the best pilot of the whole damn galaxy! If there is one bastard that can save her, it's him!... So why did the Commander's words sound so believable? They weren't true, he knew he could save the Normandy, his girl, his… home. So why did they sound so truthful? He couldn't possibly be right, but he sounded right… He couldn't possibly leave her behind but… but… shit. With one last look at the screen, a tear fell. "Okay." He mumbled. "Help me up."
The Commander sighed in relief and helped him up, now he just had to take him and Tali to the escape po… "Shepard, they're attack… AAGH!" Shepard looked back at the quarian, still inside the artificial gravity field, on the ground with a big chunk of metal on top of her right leg, a piece of the roof that fell on her when that cursed ship attacked again. He still had the crippled pilot on his arms, and right next to him was the escape pod. Time seemed to slow down in that moment, almost to the point that it looked like it was downright still. What was him to do? Leaving Tali to her death was not an option. The paper might have been incinerated on that first attack to the mess room but the rule still stands. The Normandy might have been no more but that rule, that simple rule, was to forever stand. He wasn't going to leave her behind, even if it cost his life. However, it was not just his life at risk, Joker was on the pod, waiting for him to enter and the nearest pod was back in the CIC, next to the once immaculate galaxy map. Was he about to diminish the pilot's chance of survival for that quarian?... He had no other option. In a swift motion he slammed his fist onto the button in the wall. Joker's eyes, filled with dread, were shot open as well as his mouth when the doors forcibly closed in front of him, him and the pod was shot to the deep dark not long after.
He then walked to the wounded quarian. She was yelling at him, shouting and screaming for him to save himself and leave her behind for his safety, he knew, even with that helmet on her face, even with the explosions and fires around him that prevented him from hearing what she was saying at all, he knew she was yelling at him. He just knew, he knew her too well not to know she was yelling at him. This was his companion, his best friend… his quarian. And you don't leave your quarians behind, you never leave your quarians behind. As he took the debri off her, revealing her twisted, probably broken ankle she continued screaming at him, shaking her head desperately for him to go away. As he took her in his arms, holding her in bridal position, she stopped screaming for him to go away and started screaming his name only, the soft watery glow of tears falling off her face clear, even with that purple visor. He walked them both through the CIC, the lasers cutting through everything around them, its heat damaging his shields, but she was safe. The explosions of the many ruined computers and terminals shot sharp debri and chunks of rubble at him, his armor falling apart slowly, hit by hit, piece by piece, but she… She was safe. As he opened the door of the pod, his new-acquired cuts and bruises started to ring in pain, blood started to spill out of them, freezing immediately in the cold of space. As he sat her inside and the deafening laser got closer and closer to him, the hope for his own survival was no more, just the undying will for her to live. She was crying now, sobbing and screaming, he knew it, he couldn't yet hear her, but he knew her, she was his quarian, of course he knew. He tried to enter, he tried to force his leg over the door to get inside, but it was already too late, the laser was already too close, to ensure her safety, there was just one last thing to do. He looked at her, his eyes curved into a sad smiling stare, a request clear in them 'Don't blame yourself' as he threw himself at the button on the wall. Moments later the laser passed through causing more explosions where once was the life pod throwing the human Commander flying towards the frozen planet.
He knew she was screaming his name when he threw himself off, he knew she cried his name when she was forcely shot to space and he knew she might not forgive herself, that she might blame herself for his death… Of course he knew, she was his quarian, but he hoped.
She slammed herself on the closed door, the excruciating pain in her ankle nothing more than a ignorable variable as she banged the door with her fists, calling for his name, tears falling from her eyes. "SHEPARD!" She would call in vain. "SHEPARD!" She knew he wasn't hearing, he was most likely dead by now, but she screamed nonetheless. "SHE…
…pard…" Tali choked, waking up from that memory back on her station, the terminal in front of her almost finishing with its diagnostic run. Her face was soaked with tears and her hands shaking at the memory. The few people around her, doing the best they could to ignore the quiet cries and sobs. He wouldn't want for her to blame herself, he would want for her to let go of him, but how could she?
Tomorrow is a special day, tomorrow Tali has a mission. But today… Today was just another day.