A/N:

a new OC-Insert fic, because why not
if you read any of my other fics, dw, none of those are abandoned - *especially* not my other OC-Insert fic

a brief explanation of what's going on can be found at the end of the chapter

this'll update on Thursdays, but it slid into a Tuesday spot to make room for an extra chapter this week :)

*also, I can't add a proper image for this fic (rn, it's a placeholder). idk if it's just me, but i've not been able to upload images in weeks

Kakashi Hatake is the last person that should be a teacher - much less to small, squishy children who barely know the difference between the handle and the business end of a kunai.

Of course, the old coots on the council - a title he knows that they'd feel is borderline treasonous, which really only serves to cement their incompetence in Kakashi's mind - feel that his genius - which he won't deny having, but that relates to his competence in battle, not to his social proficiency (or rather, lackthereof) - makes him the prime candidate to teach the 'new generation.'

Yeah, no. There are reasons he's failed all four of the teams he's been given so far, and it's not only because he finds them bratty and severely lacking in just about everything. Granted, that's the biggest reason, but he knows that a great teacher would be able to turn even the worst prospective genin into a model team.

Kakashi is not a great teacher. He's not even a good teacher.

Training ANBU - who already know what they're doing, for the most part - is difficult enough; Kakashi really doesn't have the patience to watch a bunch of kids stumbling around like the newly-born fawns that hide in the Nara's forests.

So he knows, before he even thinks about leaving to meet the newest team that he's been saddled with, that he's going to fail them. He thinks the council must know that too, since they'd given the 'Golden Combo' - the Rookie of the Year, the Top Kunoichi, and the Dead Last - to Gai, while he'd been given a seemingly random batch of three kids who are so average it almost pains him.

One of the boys is noted to have an interest in genjutsu, though is subpar at anything physical. Another is half-decent at taijutsu and has higher-than-average chakra reserves, but could do with a lot more training everywhere else. And then there's the girl, who's somehow the most average of them all despite being the only clan member of the group. Perhaps the last student's scores could be attributed to the general Nara disposition - they were never known for trying all that hard in the Academy, after all - but that's not a certainty, and either way, no amount of intelligence will be able to make up for the failings of her other team members.

(That's not entirely true, he knows. They could all grow together, and they could make something of themselves. They're a normal jonin-sensei's dream team - not too bad, but not a politically sensitive mess, either.

Too bad he has no interest in being a sensei.)

So he'll have them introduce themselves, watch them miserably fail the bell test, and then send them on their way straight back where they came from.

That should be easy enough, right?

Kakashi steps into the room and watches a pink-eyed boy faceplant into the desk.

He blinks languidly, taking note of the twitchiness (and oddly constipated expressions) of each of the prospective genin. The first boy he'd spotted rubs a red spot on his forehead and shoots hesitant looks towards both of his teammates who fail to tear their gazes away from Kakashi.

"Maa… my first impression of you all," Kakashi drawls, "Is that you're disappointing. Meet me on the roof in five minutes."

He watches the Nara's face fall flat and the pink-eyed boy's expression fall before disappearing in a swirl of leaves.

If there's any consolation about this whole ordeal, it's that the kids do manage to make it up the stairs before the five minute mark. Both boys glance at him - the teal-haired boy with confusion, and the pink-eyed one with something like curiosity - but the Nara, amusingly, shoots him a narrow-eyed look before sitting down. He wonders if he managed to strike a nerve with his comment.

"Right," Kakashi says, taking a seat on the railing behind him, "Now that we're all here, I'd like you to tell us all a little about yourselves."

The wind blows, and Kakashi is fairly certain he hears a cricket chirping.

"Um," Pink-eyes lets out eventually, "What should we say?"

Kakashi may not like this team, but Pink-eyes earns himself a point in his favor by breaking the awkward silence.

"Aa, you know… The usual," he says airily. "Your favorite thing, what you hate the most... dreams, amibitons, hobbies... Things like that."

"Hm… well, I'm Akira," Pink-eyes says before Kakashi has to say a word, "I love art, though I draw more than anything. Something I dislike… Well, I'm a terrible test taker, so that's something. I also hate it when people disregard others, no matter who they are." Akira confesses his latter statement with a sort of tight distance in his eyes that has Kakashi raising a brow. Then, he casually drops the bomb of, "My goal is to one day become a Seal Master like the Yondaime."

What.

Kakashi barely keeps himself from shooting the smiling kid an incredulous look. There was absolutely nothing about an interest in fuinjutsu on his file. In fact, Kakashi's fairly certain that the boy had failed the Academy's month-long fuinjutsu unit. Almost more odd is the way that both of his teammates give him considering looks after his comment.

Stashing his thoughts for later, Kakashi clears his throat. "Alright. Who's next?"

There's a brief pause before the teal-haired boy speaks up. "I'm Hotaru," he introduces. "I like reading and most types of animals." The boy's lips pull downwards in distaste. "I don't like when people are inconsiderate for anyone but themselves. Also," he adds, looking even more disdainful than before, "I hate the taste of fish."

Are all kids this weird? Kakashi wonders. This philosophical, even?

He then remembers his experiences with kids like Shisui, Itachi, Gai, and even himself, plus all the complaints he's heard about children in his lifetime, and decides that they must be.

"I'm interested in learning more genjutsu, and some medical ninjutsu if I have the chance. In the long-term, though, I'd like to look into educating more people about mental health, considering just how many people here seem to need therapy."

Kakashi thinks Hotaru glances at him when he makes that last comment, which the Nara's poorly-hidden, amused exhale and the way Akira's eyes briefly widen seems to confirm, but he decides that he must be seeing things despite that. There's no reason that these kids should know anything about him, much less about his personal life, and even though he's definitely not in the running to be amongst the sanest of shinobi, he's fairly certain that his less-than-ideal mental state isn't obvious enough to be noticed by a couple of newly-graduated genin.

"Also," Hotaru adds after a moment of consideration, as if his initial answer wasn't strange enough, "I want to be strong enough that I can wear a trench coat in battle."

Akira blinks at that. "Why would you need to be strong to wear one?"

"I figure it's like long hair," Hotaru answers easily, and Akira makes a noise of understanding. "I wouldn't want to have someone use it against me."

"Why wear it at all, then?" the Nara asks, raising a brow.

"Why else?" the boy says with a casual shrug. "It'd look cool. Plus, pockets."

"Fair," the Nara agrees without hesitation, as if either of those answers are any good. Kakashi feels a headache coming on.

"What about you?" Akira asks, leaning forwards. "Your introduction, I mean."

"Ah," the girl lets out. "I'm Nara Kaho, though if you call me by my last name, I reserve the right to resort to physical violence," she says casually, causing both Akira and Hotaru - and Kakashi, admittedly, because why? - to send her odd looks. "I guess… writing's pretty interesting."

"Writing?" Akira echoes, curious.

"Yeah. Poetry, stories, stuff like that," Kaho answers, lazily waving her hand through the air. " Anyway , as for what I don't like… Busywork, for one. Being pressured to do something. And…," her expression sours. "Bullies, argumentative people, and anyone who uses what someone's told them about themselves against them. As for my dream…" She trails off, then lets out a sigh, looking tired. "I don't know. Die old, I guess."

Before anyone can begin unpacking that , her dark-eyed gaze slides over to Kakashi. "What about you, sensei?"

Seeing the deflection for what it is, and deciding that he's definitely not equipped to handle whatever traumas a 12-year-old might have - though he does make a mental note about possibly mentioning it to someone, because he's not that much of an asshole - he hums. "Maa… My name is Hatake Kakashi," he says, injecting an unholy amount of cheer into his voice. "I don't feel like telling you my likes and dislikes. My dreams for the future are none of your business. And as for my hobbies... well, I have lots of hobbies."

He receives unimpressed expressions from two out of three of the genin. Akira, however, pipes up with, "What about people you don't like?"

Kakashi pauses. "What?"

"You know… I don't like people who disregard others, Hotaru doesn't like inconsiderate people, and Kaho doesn't like bullies," he explains earnestly. "What about you?"

Several moments of silence pass, where Akira continues smiling at him, Hotaru looks to be a mixture of exasperated and amused, and Kaho unabashedly snorts.

"...That," Kakashi eventually tells him, "Is definitely a question, and most certainly has an answer. Now!" he says, clapping his hands together, "With introductions out of the way, I can tell you about what we'll be doing tomorrow."

All of the genin look mostly unsurprised by his non-answer, which… freaky. Not only that they're briefly in sync despite (presumably) having properly conversed with one another for the first time today, but also because even people he's known for several years get their feathers ruffled by his constant deflections.

Then again, maybe kids are just weird and he's reading far too much into this. He wouldn't know, having properly interacted with less than a dozen children in his lifetime, and that includes when he was a child himself.

"What is it?" Akira prompts in response to Kakashi's mention of tomorrow's activity.

"A survival exercise," Kakashi answers, glad to move on. "Except it won't be the same as what you've done in the Academy. In this exercise, you'll have to survive against me ."

"Scary," Kaho says sarcastically under her breath.

"It is," Kakashi agrees, almost disappointed by her immediate dismissal. Just when he was beginning to think that these brats weren't all that bad, too. "You see, of the twenty-seven members of your graduating class, only nine will actually become genin. The rest will have to go back to the Academy. Which means," he continues, eyes curving into crescents, "That this test has a 66% failure rate."

Each of the genin, predictably, have different responses to his news. Hotaru's gaze becomes searching - or perhaps calculating - while Akira looks determined despite his nervousness. Kaho, on the other hand, appears initially unaffected, but after she glances towards her teammates, her lips twitch downwards, and the look in her eyes reveals that she's unsure about something. Interesting .

"Furthermore, I decide whether you pass or fail. If you pass, well, good for you. If you fail... Well, get ready for another year of learning, I suppose." Kakashi's gaze sweeps over the soon-to-be-failed genin once again before he lifts himself off the railing. "We'll meet at the designated training spot at 5am. Bring your ninja gear." He turns around, takes a step, and pauses. "Oh, by the way," he adds casually, "You might want to skip breakfast if you don't want to throw up."

Kakashi offers them another eye-smile and lifts his fingers in a mock salute. "Dismissed!" he tells them cheerfully, then disappears in a swirl of leaves.

A/N:so!

in this fic, there are THREE OC-Inserts, though none of them are immediately aware of that (they'll figure it out within the first few chapters, though)
they're all part of Team Gai's generation (a year ahead of Naruto's), and they end up being placed under Kakashi
*note: Kakashi canonically only failed 2 teams before canon Team 7 (I think?), but in this fic had 5 teams before them, because it doesn't make any sense that he's known for failing teams if he's only failed two. three of Kakashi's fails were when he was still in ANBU and was briefly pulled out to test the teams, but the year prior to the OCs' team creation, he was fully pulled out of ANBU to be a regular jonin, and has failed 1 team since (i.e., the OC team is team #5)
with that being said...
DON'T WORRY ABOUT CANON TEAM 7, they'll still end up with Kakashi as their instructor the next year

you may be wondering, why in the world is there a Nara on the team? is it relevant to the plot?
the answer is no :D
yeah - she was supposed to be an Uchiha, but you know, massacres and all that. i just thought it'd make sense to have at least one clan shinobi on the team.

also:
I know I put summaries at the end of each chapter in my other fic, but I'm gonna do it in the beginning notes of the next chapter instead so you don't have to go back to read them
so for now...

thanks for reading!