Hey guys! Long time no see :D Story starts after the line break!

WARNING, LILY IS EVIL HERE. WARNING, LILY IS EVIL HERE. WARNING, LILY IS EVIL HERE. IF YOU INTERACT WITH THIS STORY ON TUMBLR — please USE THE 'DARK JILY' TAG SO PEOPLE CAN EASILY BLOCK IT AND WILL THUS NOT SEE IT. Thank you :)

You guys wanted more dark content, so let's give it to you! I know some people were disappointed when I closed out Enemy Within and wanted me to write more scenes, but I did feel like that story had run its course. Now with Lily being the bad guy who toys with James instead of my usual other way around, I feel like we have a fun new dynamic to play with that will keep things fresh! Basically, if you read my last story and were like, "Ughhh, I want it just like this but why can't Lily have all the power?!" then this might be for you!

In order for this to work, I'm really leaning into James' more simp side. The poor boy will be so hopelessly, helplessly powerless before her.

Just like last time, I have spoiled the plot just so that no one should feel hoodwinked or waste their time on this story. (If you are only reading this in order to get pissed off — that's on you.) You don't have to like a trope — of course you don't — but actively going out of your way to tell the writer that you hate their work still makes you a dick, no matter your backstory for why you feel entitled to be a dick. An entitled dick is still a dick. And bullying someone for writing a story (made solely for the purpose of kink) in the name of making a fandom more inclusive (?) is still bullying. You can just not read a story quite easily, but I can't avoid hate that you send directly into my inbox. Does that make sense?

I realize this will be a niche story and not everyone's jam — and that's totally okay! Just remember, your kinks and what you enjoy reading don't have to have any basis in reality and don't require a thesis to defend. What turns you on could, quite simply, be a fantasy that turns you on. Anyone who tries to shame you for that is in the wrong, no matter how much flowery or incendiary language they try to hide behind to mask their attempts to kink-shame and perpetuate a religious or purity culture that they believe in. (You'd think I was defending something super deviant, but no: just a consensual bad guy/good guy kink. That is literally what this boils down to — all people's interpretations and projections aside.)

This is a role reversal of my previous dark Jily story (Enemy Within), this time exploring what could have happened if Lily was the one to be raised evil instead of James. This is different from using other characters who are already evil because I want to still use Jily's personality/dynamic — but want to change their circumstances. That's what AUs are for. I have no interest in writing for other characters — Jily is the perfect example of hate/love relationships to me. (Not to you? Cool!) They are my favorite characters just as much as they are yours and neither of us has any form of ownership over them. That is how fan fiction works.

Theoretically, Lily being the evil one should make people less angry since James is not a Muggle-born — and Lily being both marginalized and having a relationship with a Death Eater originally was said to be the problem — but, the argument morphed so many times, so who knows. Either way, Lily is the Death Eater now, and James is still a Pureblood. Just like last time, while they do have a relationship, it is shown as being both unhealthy and toxic the whole time, aka not romanticizing it but exploring it. Last time I wrote a warning that I thought was enough, but was told that it was not, so HERE'S A BIGGER ONE! I apologize that this will sound so condescending, but I've learned that stating the obvious is still very necessary for some people, so please take it seriously and here we go:

- If you are someone who thinks that their opinion should be everyone's else's and/or that their interpretation of a fantasy novel is the only acceptable one — and that said interpretation might trigger you because of parallels you have made between the HP universe and the real one — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that it is okay to shame or bully other people based on their interpretation of a children's book — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who has a hard time differentiating reality from fiction — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that a story between a white, non-religious Death Eater and a white, non-religious person in the resistance is somehow akin to promoting racism, antisemitism, or any other form of discrimination — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that stories should not be a safe space to explore all of life's darker themes, but are instead indicative of the author or reader's true nature — consider not reading this story.

- If you believe that all characters should always be completely one dimensional and are never allowed to show any flaws or weaknesses if they are supposed to be good (or have any redeeming qualities if they're supposed to be bad) and they are never, ever, under any circumstances, allowed to make a single mistake because you think that people are either good or bad with absolutely no in between — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who does not understand that sometimes an author will write from a character's perspective, and therefore describe thoughts or feelings that they themselves do not agree with but they still believe that said character would think or feel — consider not reading this story.

- If you are not a fan of kinky sex, or think that other people's sexual fantasies need to remain in the realm of what you believe is decent — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that a story where people do dubious acts might inspire you to do dubious acts — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that all stories should be morally pure — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that trying to inhabit the mind of a bad person in turn makes you a bad person — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who is underage — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that reading a story between a bad person (who is clearly portrayed as being bad) and a good person will cause you any sort of distress, in any sort of way, shape, or form, even if you do not know it at the time of reading but will only realize it months later when being told to do so by another person claiming moral superiority — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that enjoying a morally dubious story will make you a bad person, and/or experience feelings of guilt — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who does not think that authors are allowed to make characters have different pasts/upbringings/inclinations/senses of morality than in canon because it will ruin the way you yourself view said characters — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who thinks that someone could be raised/mentored by Voldemort and not end up evil, especially if that someone is Lily or James — consider not reading this story.

- If you are someone who makes demands, and even after they are met and amends and adjustments have been made to try to ensure that only readers who wish to see this sort of content do, still enjoys twisting people's viewpoints, words, and intentions to fit your own victimized narrative — just leave me alone.

This story involves a fictional Death Eater as a main character. While we know that she is a bad person, she is still one of the people this story follows. She engages in a relationship that is toxic and hurtful, and should not at all be emulated. Lily will break James. If that makes you uncomfortable, please consider not reading. (If that sounds hot, please keep calm and carry on :)) I repeat, she is a bad person, and she emotionally manipulates and abuses a good person. She also has sex with said person. A lot. Graphically. They both even enjoy it. In fact, they both kind of friggin love it. If this makes you uncomfortable — please consider not reading this story.

I cannot know what will make you uncomfortable, and I cannot slap your phone out of your hands so that you stop reading the whole dang thing. Only you know what causes you distress.

This author does not condone prejudice or discrimination of any kind — never has and never will. Anyone trying to claim otherwise is wrong, does not know me, and is deliberately twisting and misinterpreting my words. I merely do not believe that writing about evil is the same thing as committing or promoting it. We do not interpret the source material the same way.

This author will not acquiesce to calls for censorship — and yes, asking someone to "reflect and then not write it" is asking to censor it. And no, censorship and a book burning are not the same thing. I repeat, people are allowed to have different interpretations than you, and just because you feel a certain way does not make something fact. Just as you wish for your feelings to be valid, so do other people. All legal content has a right to exist, whether or not you engage with it is up to you. I have made my warnings, I have placed my tags, but you are an adult. It is now up to you to make appropriate choices for yourself.

This story is written for fun — not to be a study in academia. It's really not that deep. This fic is written entirely for the sole purpose of hot, taboo smut — and that's okay. Some people are really just here for the smut, hard as that may (for some reason?) be to believe.

In the real world, people will have different opinions than you. (Whether or not people deserve human rights is not an opinion — it is a fact, because obviously they do. No one is arguing whether or not people are people. However, whether or not the existence of a piece of fiction on the internet, and having your friends interact with said fiction, can constitute as a violation of human rights is an opinion.) A person having different opinions than you does not inherently make them a bad person, it probably just means they have a different perspective than you. We live all around the world and have vastly different upbringings, life experiences, etc. Bullying and bashing people who are merely living their lives and exploring their interests (while not holding any sort of public office) is never okay — just live and let live, and do your best to ensure no one else is made uncomfortable by giving proper labels and/or heeding said labels. What causes you distress may be someone else's form of healing.

Lastly, always be wary of people who try to tell you what content you are allowed to consume and tell you how you should be reacting to art. You are your own person and can make your own decisions.

Normal warning tags: hate sex, emotional manipulation, blackmailing, torture, abuse, the absolute destruction of a man, bondage, betrayal, violence, loss of sanity, use of slurs — real and imaginary.

If you do not want to see Jily in any of the above situations, I completely understand and do not want you to see it either. I only want you to read this if you want to read this. I will see everyone else on the next story :)

But remember kids, judging and shaming people for reading what they want to read has never been cool.

YOU. HAVE. BEEN. WARNED.

Okay. Everybody good? Awesome!

Oh! And I absolutely love reviews! So please do that, even if it has to be anonymously! (But don't send me name-calling, shaming, death threats, etc, it's just rude… and just like everyone should have the right to feel better by being able to avoid this story, I should have the right to feel safe by not being harassed for writing it! Someone writing a story you don't like is not the same thing as going onto their blog and sending them direct hate, or tagging their posts to degrade them. If I have blocked you, and all your burner accounts, please respect that block. No one is forcing you to read this. Treat others the way you want to be treated and all that jazz.)

To end on a positive note: this year has been very overwhelming for me with everything that happened with my dad, a wedding, and then the implosion of the fandom. So to all of you that reached out, whether with a DM or an ask or whatever it was, I want to really thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me when I felt like I was going crazy. I appreciate your kindness more than you know 3

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. This author knows Lily is not a good person here, she hopes you know she is not a good person here, this story is not condoning bad behavior, just exploring it, if you are uncomfortable you can always stop reading, I won't mind :) Art work by the super talented windbyfire (insta)

What's Your Problem? ~ Tate McRae

Middle of Nowhere, Outside of Bibury

"I think I found someone," Sirius called up ahead, his form blurry amongst the dust and smoke of the debris.

"Dead or alive?" James shouted back, coughing into the crook of his elbow as he hopped between cracked breeze blocks all illuminated by the light of his wand. As far as demolished Death Eater lairs went, this was one of the worst he'd ever walked in on. The whole place felt all the more eerie given the complete silence of the nature around them — as though even the crickets and owls had fled sensing that evil was near. The Order had asked James and Sirius to scope the spot out after several reports of explosions had come in from the surrounding areas. Before tonight, they hadn't even been aware of any activity this far out, but the rubble of dark material and hissing potions James was currently trying to avoid stepping in was a pretty dead giveaway about the former nature of this place. If he wasn't mistaken, the silver stains currently splattered on the nearest oak tree were indeed unicorn blood, and no normal establishment would ever use this many skulls as decor. It was downright ghastly.

James repressed a shiver, trying not to let his mind wonder if the skulls had ever belonged to any of his friends. Prewett, Bones, Meadows… The Order had taken so many hits in the past few months, and he was very ready for this war to end — one way or another. Enough with the bloodshed, enough with the pain.

Sirius' gasp made all the hairs on the back of James' neck stand up and quickened the pace of his feet. "What—?"

"No, Prongs, stay back—"

"What?" James repeated as he caught up to his best mate, trying to look around his shoulder. After 16 years of friendship, Sirius really should have figured out that there truly was no way of stopping James Potter from doing something that he really wanted to do. He merely sidestepped Sirius, swiping away his concerned grasp and saw just what his friend had wanted him to avoid. Because laying there, in a large ditch that nearly swallowed her petite frame whole, was a beautiful woman — eyes closed, deep red hair fanned out around her head like a halo… and frothy spittle gushing out of her mouth.

"James, leave it—"

James spared a split-second look of horror at Sirius' callousness before letting his instincts take over and springing into action, crouching down to the woman's level. "What the fuck happened?"

Sirius let out a heavy sigh, turning back to the scene slowly, his hands on his hips. James missed the action entirely, too engrossed in checking the woman's neck for any indication of life. "Dunno. Looks like she was poisoned. You know, normal Death Eater shit."

"Pads, she's still got a pulse."

"Not for long."

"Pads—" James began urgently.

"Prongs," Sirius mimicked, "this isn't a rescue mission. We were meant to assess the damage and report back—"

"Sirius," James tried again, looking over his shoulder pleadingly, "she's alive. We can't just leave her here like this."

"Sure we can," Sirius answered rolling his eyes. When James' piercing stare finally made him uncomfortable he added, "Oh sod off, mate. She'd do the same to us. Actually, fuck that, she'd stay to watch us die—"

James snorted but didn't respond as he returned his attention back to the woman, patting down his pockets. "Do you have a bezoar on you?"

Sirius allowed himself a moment to look up at the sky in frustration before doing another perimeter check to make sure that they were still safe. He knew that his partner was now virtually useless to him in terms of defense when he got fixated like this. "No."

"Shit," James whispered to himself, attempting a few stabilizing spells. He knew healing magic had never been his forte.

"James," Sirius tried, more gently this time, "the rest of them could be coming back any second now. If they tried to kill her once, I'm sure they'd want to make sure the job got done properly."

James' neck snapped back to him. "You think Death Eaters did this to her?"

Sirius' brow twitched. "Do I think her fellow Death Eaters did this to her? Yes. I mean, we didn't attack this joint, so it had to have been an internal skirmish that she was clearly on the losing end of."

James looked back at the poisoned woman anxiously. He knew he shouldn't be taking the scene before him so personally, he knew that, so why did he feel like his own throat was closing up watching her perish? Why did he care if she lived or died? She'd ruined his life back at Hogwarts — had ruined him. She was a bad person; she was practically evil itself — so, she should die, right? He should be celebrating that it looked like karma was doing him a solid by taking her out. His brain glitched for a moment, slightly horrified at his own thoughts. If I'm such a good person, why am I partially hoping for someone else's death? Truth be told, James didn't know which was worse, hoping for this woman to suffer like she'd made him suffer… or the fact that he knew he was lying to himself and in actuality would do anything to save her right about now.

"They're not known to be a particularly loyal bunch," Sirius continued. "Plus she's always been a bitch — perhaps it finally caught up to her."

Any retort James had died on his tongue when the woman started violently spasming. "Evans? Evans!" James cried, holding onto her biceps to try to stabilize her.

"Prongs, stop, let her go," Sirius pleaded, grabbing his friend's arm to try to yank him back. James merely shrugged him off. "Don't even—"

"Evans!" James yelled again in a full on panic, leaning closer to her face as more white foam escaped her lips. "Evans!"

She opened her eyes, a blast of emerald shining starkly against her sickly white skin, and James felt himself choke on the impact of them. It had been nine years since he'd seen her stare — nine years since he'd seen her — but the power of her gaze seemed to hit him just the same.

"Evans?" he whispered more gently, wrapping an arm around the back of her shoulders, hoisting her half off the ground. The action seemed to temper her shaking, dampening it to a milder tremor.

Her eyes scanned his face confusedly, lips quivering as though trying to reply. The attempt only served to dribble more poisonous foam down her chin.

"You're okay, Evans. We're gonna save you," James tried soothing, wiping the bottom of her face clean with the edge of his sleeve. He couldn't help it — wanting revenge just wasn't in his blood. Relishing in the pain of others had always been more of her thing.

"No, we're not, Prongs," Sirius said behind him, trying to be the voice of reason. It wasn't a role he was used to filling, but he knew James better than anyone. Which meant he was acutely aware that his best mate was not thinking with his logic anymore. "James, she's a bloody Death Eater. We are not going to bring her to the Order infirmary," he said, correctly predicting James' next moves. "That would be fucking moronic."

"They tried to kill her, Pads," James replied as he shown his wand light into Evans' eyes, checking her bodily responses. "We don't even know what side she's on anymore." He knew he was grasping at straws, but he was past the point of reason. Plus, even if there was merely a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, she'd seen the light or whatever and that's why she was lying here half dead — he'd take it.

Sirius wanted to punch something. Or his best friend. Maybe punch some sense into his best friend. "Oh my Mer— No. No, James, we do know what side she's on. She's on Voldemort's side. Has always been. We cannot jeopardize the entire Order to save one bird—"

"We've never actually seen her out on the field. She could have defected. Hell, she probably did considering she's dying in a ditch—"

"Piss off, mate! Just because she doesn't go into battle, doesn't mean that—"

But Sirius' very reasonable worries were drowned out when Evans' seizure redoubled, stealing all of James' focus. Without any further delay, James scooped up her legs and clutched her to his chest as he stood back up.

"James don't, don't—"

But it was too late. James spun on the spot and he and the woman disappeared from sight.

Order Headquarters

"So who in the bloody hell wants to explain to me why there's currently a Death Eater sleeping off being healed in the Order Headquarters?!" Moody bellowed, gnarled face turning a splotchy red.

Sirius gave his partner a little side eye. He wasn't about to throw him under the bus, but it wasn't as if tales of their foolhardy deeds didn't procede them. He knew they were pretty much busted on this one.

"It's my fault, sir," noble James Potter admitted, looking his boss dead in the eye. Although he and Sirius were sitting in front of a pacing Moody, being reprimanded as though they were schoolboys, he refused to not take responsibility for his actions. He was a man, and he sure as hell was going to act like it.

"Oh really?" Moody asked rhetorically. "No shit." He renewed his vice grip on his cane and swiveled before crouching down slightly to face James. "Explain."

James' eyes darted to McGonagall and Dumbledore standing along the room's edge before speaking. "We found her in the rubble, sir. She'd clearly been poisoned. I made the call to bring her back for healing." James wished he could say that persuading someone to bring her back to life had been an easy feat, but it truly hadn't. He'd been so grateful that his cousin, Marlene, had been on duty in the infirmary. He was quite sure that any of the other Healers may have simply Avada Kedavra'd Evans on the spot. Luckily, he'd grown up with Marlene his whole life and knew just how to appeal to her Healer's code of ethics. Watching her perform her magic and bring Evans back from the clutches of death had been such a relief. A burden… but also a relief.

Moody made an affronted grunt. "And you thought that was a good idea, boy? Hand delivering the enemy to our front door?"

"No sir," James responded, not backing down. "Not a good idea, but the right thing to do all the same."

Just as it looked like Moody was gathering up enough steam to blow, Dumbledore stepped forward to ease the tension in the room. "Alastor, I think we all know Mr Potter's heart was in the right place." James shifted in his seat uncomfortably. Sure, there was a phase in his life when he would have loved nothing more than for one of the greatest wizards of all time to sing his praises — the boy he'd been in Hogwarts would have gone absolutely feral for that sort of attention. But James liked to think that he'd matured since then.

Then again, maybe the difference now was that hearing someone's defense of him wasn't usually accompanied with this many feelings of guilt.

"Heart? His heart? His bloody damn heart might just have exposed us all!" Moody boomed.

"Miss Evans is currently unconscious and has no idea what her own current whereabouts are. We cannot even be certain that she will ever wake up again. We have already redoubled our wards and can wipe her memories if we so wish." Dumbledore stood perfectly still, and yet his eyes twinkled wildly.

"That's not the point, Dumbledore! Potter just completely threw away our security to save one of them—"

Dumbledore put up a hand, stopping Moody's tirade. Although he wasn't the most physically formidable wizard, it said a lot about his esteem that he could so easily stop almost any other person in their tracks. "Be that as it may, we are all safe, and Miss Evans survived." Moody grumbled under his breath how that was hardly something worth celebrating, but Dumbledore continued unperturbed. "Now, if she wakes up, perhaps she can shed some light as to what unfolded tonight, and why she was attacked. We are so rarely ever granted access to the musings of the other side."

Moody stopped his pacing as his face lit up. "We'd be able to use the Veritaserum?"

James wasn't too crazy about the fact that everyone was talking as though Evans not waking up was this likely of a possibility.

"Perhaps not as a first resort; however, if the occasion arises, I feel as though this would be an appropriate use for it indeed."

James' hand scratched at the back of his neck, his body feeling taut as his mind went haywire. He had tried not to think about Evans for years — tried being the operative word. His traitorous thoughts still stuttered whenever he saw a flash of red hair, or when someone's eyes were even within the same general shade of green as hers, but he had worked his ass off to try to forget that this woman had ever existed and absolutely destroyed him. How weak am I that just one glance and I feel like I'm right back in Hogwarts, doing whatever she wanted of me? Part of him had always known that this would be the case… that her hold on him — psychological, magical, whatever it was — would never truly go away. But another far more optimistic part had hoped that he could have been stronger than that by now. He was bloody 27 now, not 18.

"What would you ask her?" Sirius questioned, before remembering his place and throwing in a little, "Sir?" James knew how he felt: they may be full-fledged adults now, but having joined the Order and working as Aurors under Moody straight out of school would always make the pair feel as though they'd never truly be equals with the cantankerous legend.

"Everything. It's been a while since we got one of them still alive." Moody stomped his cane against the stone floor, looking like he might be coming around to the situation. "Maybe this won't be a complete disaster after all. "

James wanted to relax, but somehow found his body even more rigid than before.

"We'll call in Vance. She always knows how to crack them."

Over the next few days, James found himself coming to the Headquarters more often than usual, for zero particular reason whatsoever. The fact that a rotation of four different Healers who specialized in waking up witches from comas just so happened to be working on Evans was just a happy little coincidence. He wasn't invested — not at all. James wasn't standing behind the magic one-way mirror, watching all their hard work or anything. And if he did so happen to find himself standing there, eyes wandering to the general vicinity of a certain stunning old flame, it was only because said flame was the keeper of many Death Eater secrets that his boss was very, very interested in uncovering. And if Moody was happy, well, James' life was a whole lot easier. Who knew? Maybe they'd learn how to take down Voldemort once and for all.

"Here again, Prongs?"

If Healer Ramirez hadn't just tried using a potion that combined bat fetuses with dragon dung for the first time, James may have jumped out of his skin at the sudden intrusion of his best mate. As it were, he was a little too intrigued by whether or not Evans would react.

She didn't.

"Did you know that they had to get special permission from the Ministry to test this potion on humans? They were still on animal trials, but they approved it for her." James scoffed. "I guess it's okay to test things on some humans first—"

"Very fascinating stuff. Is a sudden newfound curiosity for Potions really what you're doing here?" Sirius asked, cutting right to the chase. "It has nothing to do with the fact that the very pretty bird who broke your heart is currently lying on the opposite side of this barrier?" He tapped the glass in question with a knuckle before crossing his arms in front of his chest.

Sometimes James really hated having a best mate who knew him so well. He took in a big breath. "Padfoot, I know what you're thinking, but I'm fine. It has nothing to do with the past. I'm just watching out of professional curiosity."

"Mmhm," Sirius hummed as he stood shoulder to shoulder with James, also facing an unknowing Evans. Sirius gave James' arm a little bump with his own. "She's still quite fit though, isn't she?"

James gave Sirius a side eye. Fine, he wins this round. "All right. I'm off. See you in the morning, darling," he said drolly.

"Say ciao to Rebecca for me!" Sirius called to his back as James approached the Apparation spot.

Fuck. He'd forgotten all about the date he had planned with his girlfriend.

"Honey, I'm home," James called out as he arrived in his apartment, setting his bag down next to the counter. The place looked so empty with Sirius' things missing, but he guessed that was part of growing up. He supposed that he couldn't just live with his best mate forever — something they'd been doing ever since they'd met in first year. Every year except 7th… James shook his head, trying to block that year from his mind. He was home now, home with Rebecca: his wonderful girlfriend of four years who was about to move in now that Sirius had left. Things were great. Things were normal.

She padded into the living room eating a biscuit.

"Wha—?" James began, looking over her pajama-clad body. "Why aren't you dressed? And you're going to ruin your appetite—"

"James," she replied with a smile, pointing at the clock, "it's 9:30, of course I already ate. You missed dinner." She said it without a lick of malice in her voice, as if she didn't resent James even in the slightest for his lapse in time management. Rebecca had always been so understanding of James' job as an Auror, so understanding of everything about him really, and it made her the utterly perfect girlfriend.

James pouted as he walked over to her and slung his arms over her shoulders, cradling her head as he kissed her hair. "I'm sorry," he whispered in his best low voice.

"It's okay," she replied, chewing the last of her dessert as her arms wrapped around his waist, accepting his hug. "What was it tonight? Catch another bad guy? Get another top secret briefing?"

James could tell that both prospects really tickled her. Rebecca worked at Flourish and Blotts, and sometimes it felt like she viewed James like a protagonist in one of her many beloved books, slaying dragons and saving the world. Most days he loved the comparison, loved the admiration he heard in her voice as she talked to him or about him. Today it burned.

They'd connected many years after Hogwarts when James had needed help researching some ancient curse for a mission and Rebecca had flung herself onto the case, assisting him in solving the problem so wholeheartedly that he couldn't help but admire her. He'd taken her out to lunch as a thank you and noticed just how beautiful she was for the first time then. One too many Sizzling Snaps later, and she'd confessed that she'd always had a secret crush on her Head Boy (making James remember that she had indeed been one of his Hufflepuff prefects), but that she'd always felt overshadowed by her twin brother at school. James never admitted it, but it was sort of true — Robby had played Quidditch, and considering how much the sport ruled James' life, that meant he'd automatically noticed Robby over Rebecca in school. Plus, he'd sort of been distracted by other girls back then — or just the one.

But James noticed Rebecca now. She was sweet, so sweet, and never expected any sort of praise or recognition for herself. She was smart but never bragged, pretty but didn't want to be looked at, and just all around dependable. She was everything that James had ever needed on paper.

"Nothing that exciting," James answered. Another thing about Rebecca James liked? She never pushed. It was probably why it had taken so long for the conversation of them moving in together to come up.

Rebecca pulled back to give him a peck on the lips before plopping down on the couch — their couch now? — and opening a book. "I left a plate for you on the counter. Filet mignon, your favorite."

It wasn't the first time James thought that he didn't deserve this woman. He sat down with his back to her, casting a little reheating charm before picking up his fork and knife off the granite, ready to dig in.

"Oh, have you thought about what we talked about earlier? About buying a new mattress?"

James carefully sliced a cut of meat, watching the blood squeeze out — rare, just how he liked it. "Hm?" he asked before taking a bite.

"Since I'm moving in this weekend. A new mattress, you know, to start afresh?"

James felt the meat as it got grinded by his molars, on the left side, on the right, feeling like a thick clump as he swallowed it before it moved slowly, too slowly, down his throat. He noticed a crack in his ceiling that hadn't been there before. "Have you seen the cat?"

Rebecca let out a chuckle behind him, seemingly finding his randomness endearing. "The cat? No, James, I haven't seen him." She turned a page, curling up her legs beneath her. "I was thinking we could go to The Magical Menagerie soon too. There's this one kitten—"

James jerked around to face her. "A kitten? Why would we need a new kitten?"

Rebecca quirked an eyebrow. "I thought it would be nice to have our own cat?"

"We have a cat!"

Rebecca's look softened lovingly. "James. I know you love him, but he isn't yours."

James made a face, grumbling to himself, Might as well be. He was convinced that whoever owned his cat neglected the crap out of him based off of how often he came to James' place for a cuddle. He'd never cuddle with Sirius, just him. Either way, James usually saw the little guy every few days, so now he was starting to get worried. Hopefully he's getting properly fed wherever he is…

"Plus," Rebecca added tentatively, as if knowing that speaking ill of James' pseudo-pet might not go over too well, "it would be nice to have a cat that doesn't watch us while we have sex."

James chuckled as he turned back to his dinner. "Okay, that was one time."

"True, but he attacked me when I tried to shoo him away!"

James laughed harder at the memory. "Fine. We can look into getting a kitten. Cat would probably enjoy a buddy." Yeah, so he'd never actually named the cat out of fear that making it too official would scare him away. Yes, he knew that such thinking was partially insane. Sue me.

Rebecca sighed as she pulled over a blanket. She supposed swaying James even slightly from his original way of thinking was a victory.

"Sirius, do you know of any good jewelers in the area? I feel like I need to properly apologize— or maybe just give Becks a 'Yay, we live together!' gift or something," James said as he sat opposite him at the Auror office the next morning. "You know, something shiny, but not too over the top, maybe like a necklace or studs or…" he trailed off when he saw the way Sirius was looking at him. "What?"

"You didn't hear then?"

"Hear what?" James asked, completely caught off guard.

Sirius gave him a deep sigh. "Evans woke up. Moody practically shoved Veritaserum down her throat within the same breath. Think he's mad she took so long to become responsive. What are you doing?" It took Sirius' question to make James realize that he'd gotten back to his feet. There was a beat before a look of agonizing acceptance crossed over his best friend's face. "Want me to come with you?"

James loved Sirius. Loved him. "Yes?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "All right, all right, let me grab my coat, one mo'."

"How many times do you have to take Felix Felicis before you start experiencing these effects?"

James and Sirius walked up to a crowd of Order members, all gathered behind the magic one-way glass, watching as Moody interrogated Evans within a centimeter of her life. It was almost as though a (former?) Death Eater spilling her guts on everything Dark Lord related she'd learnt over the course of her life was highly fascinating stuff.

"Depends on the person, but it seems like the hallucinations normally start at the 6th time," Evans answered tonelessly. "The potion goes from providing luck to delusions of grandeur. Obviously there are many other factors, such as if you are surrounded by people dumb enough to accept your assertions. For example, if you declare that you are a queen, but only associate with sycophants, the insanity sets in later, because for a while, you are actually treated as though what you are saying is true. The potion doesn't need to provide you with any magical assistance until later."

"Interesting," Moody replied, walking towards the foot of her bed. James had to wonder if she was still lying there because it was convenient, and his boss had pounced on the opportunity to interrogate her so quickly, or if it was because she was still too weak to get up.

"What did we miss?" James whispered to Marlene, standing enraptured next to him.

She jumped, only just realizing he was there. "Oh, hi James," she replied with a hand over her fluttering heart. "Not too much, I think he's warming up really. Asked her about what she's been doing the past few years," she spoke from the corner of her mouth. "Turns out she's been mostly working in Voldemort's Potions department, so he's been asking her about her findings and what not."

The concept of Voldemort's reign being so powerful that he had departments was terrifying… Or slightly humorous if you picture him having to attend team meetings and delegating responsibilities. James snorted to himself.

"What else—"

"Shh," Kingsley Shacklebolt admonished, turning his head back slightly to the pair. "We're about to get to the good part."

Everyone returned back to the interrogation with bated breath. It did look like Moody was slowly starting to get into it, rolling up his sleeves as his upper lip curled. "And what was the point of all of these experiments and potions Voldemort had you making?"

"Immortality," Evans said. James couldn't help but notice how frail she looked — it wasn't a term he'd ever associated with her before. "He's obsessed with it. It's what he's been trying to achieve day in and day out."

"So much so that he's forgotten to live," Sirius sneered to James' left. He was probably right.

"Has he achieved this goal yet?" Moody pushed.

"No," Evans replied simply.

"Is he close?"

Evans tilted her head, pondering the query. "No."

There was a collective sigh of relief amongst the crowd of onlookers. "Well, that's always a plus!" Peter Pettigrew squeaked patting the sweat off of his brow.

Bless Wormtail, James thought. Always looking for that silver lining.

"Who tried to kill you?" Moody asked.

"When?" James got the distinct impression that Veritaserum or not, it tickled Lily that she got to answer the question in this way. "You've tried to kill me before, Alastor."

"Last, who tried to kill you last, clever girl?"

Evans twitched. "Bellatrix."

"Lestrange?"

Evans nodded yes.

"Figures," Sirius muttered darkly beside him.

"Why?" Moody pressed.

Evans' face flushed bright red. James suppressed all the other scenarios where he remembered it doing the same, just like that. "Because…" she seemed to begin painfully. She was fighting the Veritaserum, James could see it written all over her body. Whatever memory she was reliving stabbed her to her core. "Because she…"

"Spit it out, girl!" Moody barked.

"Because she found out the truth."

"Which is?"

James had seen Evans cry before — not often, but frequently enough, or perhaps meaningfully enough, that he recognized the signs that she was about to. Her nose scrunched adorably and she licked at her teeth below her upper lip as though trying to prevent the inevitable. It was her body's last ditch effort to quell all the emotions she knew were about to bubble over. "That I'm a Mudblood."

James hadn't even realized that Sirius was holding a coffee until he spat it out, coating the back of Peter's shirt. "What she say, what she say?" James asked everyone around him, in complete disbelief. He'd thought she'd said that she was a Muggle-born, but that made absolutely zero sense; his ears had to be playing tricks on him. There was just no way.

Everyone ignored James as Moody continued, just as bamboozled as James felt. "Excuse me?"

Evans grit her teeth, and for a split-second, James could have sworn that her eyes went to the mirror, as if knowing that people had to be watching her on the other side. He supposed it wasn't too far of a leap given what was currently happening within the room. Was she embarrassed by what she was revealing? Pissed off that even more people were now privy to her best kept secret? "It means I had Muggle parents, Alastor," she spat out viciously.

"What the actual…" Marlene spoke in a shocked whisper next to James.

Sirius poked him in the ribs. "Did you know that?"

James' head was spinning. Why? How could she then…? "No," he answered truthfully, his eyes still glued to Evans. "I had no idea."

Yayyyy! We back baby!

Next Chapter: This Is What Heartbreak Feels Like ~ JVKE