Chapter Fifteen

"I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy."

THIS IS A RATED M FOR ACTUAL SEX CHAPTER.

I know. I never write sex scenes. Until I did.

As they trudged out of the cellar, Gail grim faced and perhaps a bit too forceful in her handling of Perik and he and the Mountie were handed over to the uniformed officers, Jane felt a wash of relief. It was over. Hopefully forever. Both men were going to jail for life, no possibility of parole. Jane was a little wistful for the death penalty but Gail had assured her it was unlikely that either man would be sent to the States. After all, their crimes had been on Canadian soil.

O'Malley was a different matter altogether. Neither Gail nor Jane could say who killed him. They had fired so close to the same time, that they would have to wait on ballistics.

"Peck, Rizzoli. Guns." Traci Nash held out a pair of evidence bags. She carefully bagged each weapon. "SIU is gonna want to talk to you, but given the situation..." she trailed off.

"They'll either chuck it or use it to throw me under the Zamboni."

Jane couldn't help it. "Do people really say that?"

Both Gail and Traci replied, "No."

All three fell silent as they watched the men get shoved into an armoured van and carted away. What could they say? Traci squeezed Gail's shoulder and walked to her car, leaving them be for the time being.

Gail and Jane had a shared experience that was traumatic and gut wrenching. The women who had survived were being cared for, the dead would be processed, and it was finally over.

Gail drove them back to Fifteen Division, her expression cold and unreadable. At least not to Jane.

"You okay?"

"I'm not the one dead in a basement," she said bitterly.

Ah. Guilt. Jane nodded, feeling exactly the same way. "Yeah. Same."

Gail glanced over and her expression softened. "The last time I felt like this, I cut off all my hair and made out with Holly."

"Oddly specific."

"Long time ago." Gail sighed. "Does it get easier?"

"Which part?"

"The part where I feel all twisted inside, and gross, and just ... rotten? It's not my fault, I know, but it feels like it is." Gail grumbled. "My therapist keeps reminding me I'm not a victim, but god, I see them and I think yeah, I totally was."

Jane studied Gail's profile. She was far more aware than Jane had been fifteen years ago. Gail knew what was screwed up in her head, and she was trying like hell to fix it. Or to shape it into something new. "Truth? No. It doesn't get easier. I mean, for crying out loud you saw me have a meltdown when Hoyt's name came up."

"Yeah but ..." Gail trailed off. She wanted to say more, and Jane just waited. "You killed him," she finally whispered.

"I did."

"Did it help?"

"Not really, no. I spent the night having the shakes. And I still have nightmares." And, realized Jane, having his dead body pop back up sure as hell gave her a trip. No, she wasn't over the damage he'd done.

"Ouch."

"Your hands are pretty calm for someone who maybe killed a man."

Gail sounded surprised and resigned. "Oh, you know. I'm a Peck. I'm not allowed to fall apart in public."

"According to who?" Jane felt like she'd bitten into a lemon and she wasn't sure if it was shit covered or chocolate.

"My parents. The Force. All of it. Pecks used to be the police royalty 'round these parts, remember."

Which meant Gail was expected to just cope. Yeah, that was shit covered. "Maura stayed over that night."

"I could have used someone." Gail sighed. "Both times."

"What happened the second time?"

"My boyfriend dumped me. Fun times."

Jane winced. "What about Holly?"

"Met her a month after the second case. And I have her now."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Kiss her and tell her how I feel. You should do that, too."

Jane did a double take. "What?"

"You should tell Maura how you feel, Jane."

Shaking her head, Jane snapped, "I told you I'm not going to risk screwing up our friendship, Gail."

"You should," said Gail earnestly. "Look. You... you're kinda like my mentor with this serial killer bullshit, right? You're literally the only person who's been through this like me, and I respect you."

"Thank you?"

"But I'm gonna be your lesbian mentor for stupid cops who think they're straight and fall for their best friends. Okay? It's a stupid cliché but it's real. You're in love with Maura, she's into you. Don't keep fucking this up."

Jane felt stunned. No one, and she really meant no one, had ever said that to her like that. Not a soul had spoken to her about the tension between Jane and Maura. And yes, Jane knew. She'd be an idiot not to notice. But she'd known Gail less than a week, and here was the younger women all but telling her off for it.

"Why aren't you a detective?"

Gail snorted a laugh. "They can't promote me because my parents' trial isn't over. After this, though, I'll get my pick of the litter, I suppose. If SIU doesn't decide I'm guilty of course. Stop changing the subject."

"You'll make a good detective."

"The topic is you and your latent homosexual feelings for Maura, Jane."

Jane groaned. "I'm forty-five, Gail. I am way too old to have a lesbian life crisis."

"So have a bisexual one. Or a pansexual. Or just be Maura Sexual. But you've got to tell her."

Silent, Jane looked out the window as Gail pulled onto the freeway. "What if I screw it up?" And in a small voice she added, "We're friends. I don't think I can make it if we're not friends."

Gail sighed loudly. "Yeah. I know."

"What did you do?"

"To tell Holly? I kissed her." When Jane laughed, Gail did too. "I'm serious. She was babbling, apologizing about a date she'd been on with some other woman, and trying to not say she'd caught feelings for me, and I realized ... I was already dating her. I went over all the goddamn time, we were plus ones, and she was the person I wanted to talk to." Gail paused. "Look. If you tell her, I will give you my reservation at this kick ass French place I was going to take Holly to, day after tomorrow."

Jane was stunned again. "Wait, not the Chateaux place Maura was talking about?"

"Yeah, I tossed my name in four months ago." Gail shrugged. "I was gonna surprise Holly, but I think you two should go and talk stuff out."

"Uh, one, why? And two, what will you do?"

"One, because it's easier to talk with nice food. Two, I will go to Holly's while you're there and we will very much not talk it out."

It took a millisecond for Jane to catch on to Gail's plan, and she laughed. "You just want us out of the house so you can have sex." Gail shrugged. "Wait. Four months? Haven't you two been dating for like two months?"

A blush rose up Gail's neck. "Among other things, Jane, I knew I wanted to be with Holly again from the second she walked back into Toronto. I was going to ask her out there. She beat me to it."

"You were planning to screw her brains out after, huh?"

"Oh yeah. But ... I think we're okay. Me and Holly, we're inevitable." Gail sighed. "I love her, Jane. For a lot of reasons, big and small, but mostly she's the one person who picked me. Twice. And I know she thinks me not going to San Francisco is her fault, but it was so much more and so messy. And I regretted it for ages. I'm not gonna let her slip away again."

The way Gail said it made it sound so easy. She loved the woman, and she was going to tell her. But Gail and Holly had five or six years of history between them. They knew they were both into women. They'd had a soft, short friendship to risk.

On the other hand, Jane was considering risking it all. A decade plus change of friendship with Maura. The only true friend Jane ever really had. The confidant of her heart and soul. The woman Jane would have raised Casey's baby with.

It was actually that moment that Jane realized Gail was right. She'd already been dating Maura all this time, and the only difference was telling her that maybe their love could be more than just two friends who shared everything.

They pulled in to Fifteen to applause and cheers. A group of sheepish officers and detectives were apologizing to Gail and sharing long overdue hugs. But all Jane really cared about was a statuesque woman in clothes that cost more than Gail's Subaru. Maura had one hand pressed to her breastbone, nervous and waiting, and eyes only for Jane.

Gail was right. She was in love with Maura. And it was worth the risk.

Shaking off Oliver, who was singing her praises, Jane barely heard Gail's remark to let her go. She walked up to Maura and said nothing. She just leaned in and kissed the amazingly soft lips. Briefly.

"Jane," said Maura breathlessly. Frozen in place.

"I don't know what the hell I'm doing on the best day," she said quietly, hoping no one was listening. "But I want to try."

Maura's body language shifted. She gently reached up to touch Jane's face. She smiled. "You're okay?"

"I will be. With you."

With Jane and Maura out at dinner, Holly collapsed on the couch. The past two days had worn her out. Jane and Gail had been heroes, finding the women, saving most of them, and getting two thirds of the killers back in jail. SIU had quickly called it a good shoot, but a mutual killing. There was no way to tell whose bullets hit first, and each cop had gotten off three. All hits.

If it wasn't so morbid, Holly would have been impressed. As it was, Gail went to her own apartment, citing work, but they hugged a long time before that, which seemed to be all Gail really needed at the moment. Mind, the joke about it being good Gail had chopped off her hair was worrying.

Meanwhile, Holly had multiple bodies to process. The dead women, O'Malley, plus various body parts? It was crazy and weird and Holly loved it. Maura had helped Holly process the dead, and thankfully that had gone much faster than expected. The Bostonian was incredibly efficient.

But that second night, Jane had mysteriously gotten reservations at the hottest French restaurant in town, one even Gail hadn't yet gone to yet, and that left Holly home alone to contemplate what had happened the day before.

When Jane and Gail returned, Jane had kissed Maura. It was unexpected by everyone, but there it had been. Gail, who in retrospect had not looked surprised, had just smiled and kissed Holly, demurely, and said she wanted to talk. Just them.

That hadn't happened. Not through anyone's fault except work. There was a lot to be processed, and had her boss not sent her home, Holly would still be there. Instead she was home and feeling jealous that Jane and Maura had a date and were talking. Which was stupid, because god knew those two idiots needed to talk a lot.

The knock at the door startled Holly and before she could get up, it opened to reveal Gail.

"Hey I gave you a key for a reason," she said, feeling immediately happier.

"Yeah but you weren't expecting me." Gail smiled. "Can I come in?"

"Always." Holly got off the couch, knowing Gail would lock the door. "Drink?"

"No, thank you." And to her surprise, Gail quickly caught her hand and tugged Holly back. "Look, I know I said I wanted to talk, but, uh, I don't."

Her heart fell into her stomach. "You don't?"

Gail shook her head. "I know, god, my therapist would kick my ass but I really don't want to talk through all this. I know I have a lot of issues, way more than when we dated before. And I am working through it. Them. But ..." and Gail just trailed off.

Holly stared at her girlfriend in confusion. It was rare that Gail stumbled over her words like that, or talked around a thing without it being pure sarcasm. She looked down to their linked hands and then back up to Gail. "I told you," said Holly gently. "I can wait."

Nodding, Gail pulled Holly's hand, drawing her closer. "I don't want to." Her eyes were guarded, almost nervous.

And Gail didn't want to talk, and she didn't want to wait, and Holly realized she did not want to be stupid. She smiled and let Gail pull her until they were almost flush with each other. "No?"

Gail mouthed the word back and shook her head. She leaned in ever so slowly until their lips touched. "Can I stay?"

Emboldened enough to be playful, Holly stepped into Gail's chest, cupping the pale face in her hands. "You just got here."

Smiling back, Gail's hands settled on Holly's waist. "Is that a yes?"

Holly hummed a little under her breath. She had a number of thoughts in her head. First of all, Jane and Maura wouldn't be back for at least an hour. Hopefully two. Second, she actually did want to talk to Gail about things. They'd talked a little the other night at Gail's but there was more to be said.

"One condition," said Holly. "We talk later."

Gail nodded. "I can make it short," she said and kissed Holly again.

This was not chaste at all, and Holly melted into the kiss. She held Gail's face firmly and pulled her backwards until Holly's back hit the archway into her kitchen. "How short?" She was nearly gasping for breath.

The sometimes blond pulled back enough to look at Holly. The beautiful blue eyes were dark and deep, stormy. Magnetic. They drew Holly in just as they had the first time they met. "I love you," said Gail.

The words were simple. They were short. They were one syllable. But they stopped Holly warm. She wasn't cold, she felt a heat blossom in the pit of her stomach and spread to her fingers and toes. "Gail." It was all she could say.

"I know, it's dumb. But as soon as you came back, I knew I never stopped being in love with you." Gail sighed and kissed Holly again, achingly tenderly. "I'm a screw up and I don't want to screw us up again. I want to be with you, it all the ways we could."

Holly closed her eyes. It was what she'd wanted to hear from Gail two months ago. Two weeks ago. Two days ago. And for a brief, fleeting, moment she wondered why it felt so calm to hear it now. Did that mean she didn't really want to hear it?

No. No, the answer was that it was right. It was peace.

"That wasn't very short," said Holly, thoughtfully.

"There's a longer version."

"I don't think my houseguests will be gone that long."

Gail muttered a no of agreement and kissed Holly again. Slowly. Deeply. She felt Gail's tongue against hers and Holly felt herself melt into the warmth of Gail Peck. God. Yes.

Everyone called Gail an Ice Queen, aloof and bitchy. She was cold, uncaring, and in the last few years had distanced herself from her friends. But god, Gail was loyal, and that seemed like a funny thing to think when Gail's hands were sliding up and under her top, but Holly felt so damned special, so honoured to be trusted and given that. Gail was faithful. Unswerving. Committed.

And she wanted to be committed to Holly.

That was one hell of a turn on.

Holly gasped as Gail turned her attention to Holly's neck. Letting her head tip back against the wall, Holly closed her eyes and just felt the lips on her neck and collar bone. The firm hands on her hips held Holly as Gail kissed just below one ear.

"I missed this," Gail said, running her tongue along the shell of Holly's ear.

Thoughts short circuiting, Holly mumbled something that was probably "Uh huh."

Gail laughed softly and let go of Holly's waist, keeping her in place just by kissing her again. It was a moment before Holly realized Gail was unbuttoning her flannel shirt. Of course she was wearing flannel with her girlfriend feeling her up. The cooler air of the living room made Holly shiver just before Gail's warm hands on the bare skin of her stomach did the same.

There was no time wasted before Gail's hands were on her breasts. At least one of them groaned, but Holly wasn't entirely sure who. Probably her. When Gail moved to kiss the other side of her neck, Holly gripped the back of Gail's head with one hand and the loose sweater Gail wore with the other.

"God, Gail, that feels so good."

"You feel amazing." Gail sighed as if a burden was lifted from her soul, just by touching Holly. Her thumbs caressed the skin above Holly's bra before Gail's hands slid around to Holly's sides and then her back. The fingers played on Holly's bare skin before moving to the clasp of the bra.

Holly tugged Gail by her hair. "Hey." They should move to the bedroom, she realized.

She got an innocent sound from Gail. "I've seen your boobs before." And Gail moved to kiss Holly's collarbone.

"I'm not, ah, explaining to my houseguests why my bra is in the kitchen," said Holly, trying to be insistent. It was hard to catch her breath under Gail's touch. Her heart was racing and it felt like Holly couldn't quite get enough oxygen into her lungs.

Gail made a noise of understanding and the hands moved back to Holly's stomach, splaying over them as Gail dipped her head to brush her cheek against Holly's breast. God damn, it felt amazing. So different than the last time they'd been together. Gail was more forward, more direct.

That was never more evident than when Holly realized the sound she heard was Gail unzipping Holly's jeans and oozing a hand down them.

Oh. Jesus. Holly sucked in a breath. "I have, god, Gail I have a bedroom," she said before her hips pushed up into the hand.

"Mmmm. We'll get there," Gail said, promising. But clearly not right away, because her hand did not retreat from Holly's pants.

It was really hard to try and have a conversation when Gail was touching her and those lithe fingers were pushing past underwear and it really was a few breaths before Holly was clutching Gail for support, gasping out Gail's name and surrendering to the touch she'd been craving for months. Her eyes closed and Holly let herself go, reaching a climax far faster than she'd expected.

Sucking in air, Holly felt Gail's breathy laugh against her neck. She felt the lips smiling against her skin, and she sighed as Gail kissed her neck and shoulder. "So. Bed?" Gail's voice was a little cocky, a little bossy, and a lot of a turn on.

"Oh, definitely." Holly gasped a little as Gail extracted her hand from Holly's pants. She had a vision of Gail and that lovely pale skin spread out on Holly's maroon sheets. Naked, all for her.

That wasn't quite what she got. As soon as they were in the bedroom, Gail kicked the door closed, shook off her boots, and walked Holly backwards to the bed. It was very clear that Gail was absolutely in charge.

Now, Holly had slept with a number of women before. She was a lesbian in her early thirties who was, not to boast, hot. She'd slept around some in college, and in general Holly not only knew what she liked but she knew how to get it. Being a top, or a power bottom, was really the norm for her. People liked her as the assertive sciency librarian, and she liked being that person. It worked out.

However, as experienced as she was, Holly had never been pinned to a wall and fucked before. She'd been on the giving end of such an event more than once, but for her first time receiving... Well Holly wouldn't have expected it to be Gail.

In their first pass at a relationship, Holly had taken charge as a matter of course. She was older, she was the experienced lesbian, so Holly steered Gail around the curves and through the waters, not to mix metaphors. They'd taken it slow, nearly having sex that night in the shower aside, because Holly hadn't wanted to scare Gail off. That meant a lot of talking, a lot of checking in, and a lot of patience.

For example, Holly knew Gail hadn't particularly enjoyed oral sex from her previous partners. When Holly asked if she didn't want it, Gail said she was willing to try in the interests of science (they'd both laughed) but didn't want Holly to take it personally if it just wasn't Gail's thing. Turned out Gail liked it just fine, and the men were to blame.

The thing was, she and Gail hadn't had sex like this before. Gail had been far more tentative about instigating sex, asking like she was preparing for an emotional blow of no. And that pained, scared Gail had given Holly pause and a desire to be more tender than normal. To make sure Gail knew that what they were doing was just as meaningful for her as for Gail.

Besides, Holly had no problem getting off from getting someone else off. She knew how to make sure she was satisfied. And that had really been the case with most of her girlfriends. Even Gail. Holly had been okay with it then and was planning to be okay with it now.

Five years later, Gail wasn't the same woman and their sexual encounter was wildly different. In a role reversal, Gail knew exactly what she wanted and, at that moment, it was to have Holly naked, under her, and to touch everything available. Gail wanted, and got, Holly arching into her touch and chasing after the deft hand.

What Holly got was Gail's head between her legs, something they'd not actually done that way around before before (which really hadn't been that long), and was shattered into a million pieces by a series of orgasms. Holly gripped her sheets and dug her toes in to the sensations, reveling in every second.

Holy hell, realized Holly. Bossy Gail topping the hell out of her was amazing.

When Gail moved to lie, half atop and half along side Holly, letting her catch her breath but still kissing her, all Holly could think was that change was a good thing. Gail very much did want her, of that there was no doubt in Holly's mind.

She reached for Gail's chin and guided the soft lips back to hers. "Hey," she said softly, smiling so much it hurt a little.

"Hey," said Gail back, and she kissed Holly. "Good?"

"Great." And she startled when Gail's free hand began to move down her stomach again.

Oh yes, she could very much do that again, but Holly had yet to reacquaint herself with the silky smooth skin of Gail Peck. She let Gail's fingers circle her navel for a moment and then nudged Gail to lie back.

She looked exactly as Holly had dreamed on the sheets.

I can't believe I wrote that much of a sex scene. Enjoy!