"Just—just say it."
Eddie wants to. He wants to say exactly what is on his mind, because a part of him is still half-terrified that even though he can clearly see Sadie standing against the kitchen sink in Max Mayfield's trailer, she will disappear on him if he looks away for long enough to blink. He'd followed her into the small room because her nose had started to bleed again, but Sadie had been curiously reluctant to let him get too close.
It's almost like she already knew exactly what he felt without him ever saying a word, and Eddie isn't sure whether that thought frustrates him, or allows him to feel some small manner of relief, instead.
Either way, though, just a single look at the slump in Sadie's shoulders as she leans against the sink with a damp washcloth pressed beneath her nose keeps him silent, because he knows anything he says will be seen as him turning away. Leaving her. Disapproving of everything she's done, thus far. And he knows she's had enough of that. From her mother. Her brother. Pretty much everyone aside from the small group gathered in the den not far away.
Eddie isn't about to give Sadie one more person to doubt her, and so he remains almost stubbornly silent, at least until she turns to look at him, the washcloth now lying abandoned on the countertop as she looks at him with an expression that nearly tears his heart in two.
"Please, Eddie, I—I just—I need to hear you say it."
"What do you want me to say, Sweetheart?"
"That I—I don't know! That I'm a moron, or that you—that you've had enough of my stupidity, or—just—something!" Sadie exclaims, her hands lifting part of the way into the air before flopping to hang uselessly at her sides, her lower lip trembling a bit until she digs into it as fiercely as she can with her teeth for a moment before going on, "Just—just let me have it, because this—this waiting is just—that's just making it worse."
"Let you have it."
"Yes."
"I'm not gonna do that," Eddie replies, aware of the flare of surprise in Sadie's expression as he steps close enough towards her to cause her to have to tilt her head back a bit in order to continue looking him in the eye.
"You—you probably should."
"And when, exactly, have I ever been a person that does something just because they should?"
"Eddie, I'm being serious," Sadie persists, surprised at how she doesn't even flinch as Eddie comes closer, still, and her hand almost automatically moves to rest, palm-flat, against his chest.
"Yeah. So am I."
"Eddie—"
"I know, I know, it's unexpected. Me, not trying to make a joke," Eddie teases, glancing down at where Sadie's hand rests against his chest, one of his own hands lifting to curl his fingers lightly around her wrist, "But stranger things have happened, right?"
"Evil wizards trying to take over the world, for one."
"Exactly."
"I'm sorry."
"Wait—what?"
"I know it—I know it scares you when I do things like that," Sadie begins, the sensation of the pad of Eddie's thumb brushing against the underside of her wrist causing her to shiver, a small flare of surprise moving through her at the realization that she would give anything just to feel that sensation again, "And I know it seems like I don't care, but I do. I just—"
"You don't want to hang back, doing nothing, if there's someone out there needing help."
"Which is—it's stupid. Because I don't—I barely know what I'm doing, I mean, it's been mostly dumb luck that's gotten me out of it so far, and—"
"Sadie."
"Mm?"
"I get it."
"You—you do?"
"Absolutely," Eddie assures, catching Sadie's hand as it drops from his chest, and threading their fingers together to keep her close, "I mean I may not be the guy everyone thinks of when they picture a hero, but—"
"That's not what this is. I'm not trying to be—Eddie, I'm not a hero. Not even close."
"You're definitely doing a better job at it than me."
"No. I'm not," Sadie disagrees, shaking her head and glancing down at where Eddie's hand still holds her own, needing the contact—the reminder of it—far more than she cares to admit, "And I really wish you—you would maybe—stop implying you aren't brave here, too."
"Brave. Right. That's a nice word for it," Eddie snorts, aware of the frown that pulls at Sadie's lips almost immediately in response, "If I didn't know any better, I'd uh—say all that time with Vecna is starting to cloud your judgment."
"It's not. I mean maybe. Maybe it is. But not about this."
"Sadie—"
"You could've left us. At any point, you could've left us," She insists, somehow able to predict Eddie's ensuing protest, and lifting her free hand to press her fingertips against his lips as a result, her cheeks warming beneath the shock that colors his expression, even knowing that it is likely mirrored in her own, "There's—there's nothing tying you to this, and with everything going on—with the cops, it—it would probably be better if you actually left town."
"Woah. Where's this coming from?"
"Nowhere, I guess, it's just—it's true."
"Yeah. Not for me," Eddie states, his hold tightening on her hand as soon as he realizes Sadie is trying to look away, "You really think I'd leave you with this?"
"It would probably be the smartest choice you ever made if you did."
"Well lucky for us, I'm not all that smart."
Sadie doesn't know what to say to that, emotion clogging her throat and making the presence of tears known at the corners of her eyes. She can't stop seeing what Vecna had shown her. Eddie, dead. The eyes she loves so much, closed forever.
Loves?
The singular word brings her pause, surprise causing her heart to thud erratically against her ribs, but as sudden as the realization seems, Sadie still knows that it is completely, utterly true.
Somehow, in the midst of everything that had happened with Andy—with Vecna—with reconnecting with Eddie after years spent apart, she had fallen in love with him.
She had fallen in love with him, completely missing it at first, and now that she had finally noticed, it might be too late.
Sadie can't seem to stop seeing Eddie just lying there. She can't seem to stop feeling the fracture growing bigger inside of her as reality sets in and she realizes he will never know the truth that is killing her now, with little to no effort at all…
Tearing herself away from those thoughts with as much strength as she can muster, Sadie is leaning up on tiptoe before she can fully come to terms with the act, her lips pressing against Eddie's while the fingers of her free hand tangle in a bit of his hair. She can feel him freeze for a moment, a gasp caught between their lips while one of his arms winds around her waist to steady her. And because of his momentary immobility, she is almost tempted to pull back, fearing that somehow he no longer wants such advances. But just as soon as she rocks back on her heels, Eddie's arm tightens around her waist, pulling her back to him.
She realizes he is turning them in place, and for a moment the uncertainty over why gives Sadie pause, but then she feels Eddie's fingertips brushing against the partially exposed skin of her lower back as his arm shifts to move beneath the hem of his jacket, the contact causing her to lose her balance and propelling them both backwards until he is the one to bump against the kitchen countertop as a result.
A soft grunt leaves him, but Sadie can feel Eddie smiling against her lips as both of his hands shift to cup her face, comprehension dawning because the only reason he would have moved them the way he did would be to avoid giving her any reason to feel as though she was being pinned, with no hope of escape if she suddenly changed her mind.
Something squeezes in her chest as Sadie presses closer to Eddie, her own gasp that comes in response to the low groan Eddie gives startling her, and giving him enough time to deepen the kiss on his own. Sadie is well-aware of the presence of the rest of their group in the other room, but she is absolutely powerless to restrain the whimper that leaves her when she feels Eddie's tongue brushing tentatively against her own…
She loves him. He's everything. The only reason she's still here. Still standing.
Nothing else matters.
Or at least nothing else matters until footsteps register at the outer edges of her awareness, a muffled voice causing her to drop back on her heels while her cheeks turn a likely embarrassing shade of red.
"—alright in here or—oh. Uh—shit, sorry, I can just—"
"What is it, Harrington?"
Sadie has to suppress a laugh in response to the gravelly frustration that is so apparent in Eddie's tone, her forehead bumping against his chest for a moment, before she forces herself to turn and look Steve in the eye. He's looking from her, to Eddie, and back to her again, some part of his expression giving her every reason to suspect that he is almost tempted to think there is a need for him to intervene.
"We're fine."
"Yeah. Right. I can uh—I can see that," Steve nods, Sadie's attempt at providing reassurance hardly registering as he tries to figure out if the scene he just walked in on is something she did not want. Part of him knows, on some level, that Eddie isn't the type to force someone into something like that. Especially when Steve is well aware that the other guy definitely knows what Sadie has had to face in her past, having been the one to inadvertently let Steve in on the secret himself.
The other part of him, though—the part of him that he is almost tempted to hate, for jumping to conclusions so quickly—just needs to make sure Sadie is safe.
Ironic, considering she's probably in far better hands with Eddie Munson, than she ever will be going up against Vecna.
Vecna.
Right. That was why Steve was even in the kitchen in the first place.
"We've—we've kind of figured some stuff out. From what Nancy said," He begins, aware of the look Sadie and Eddie share. Of how easily Sadie's hand slips into Eddie's again without seeming to be aware of it at all, "I think you two are gonna want to hear this."
Steve spends a moment tempted to laugh because there is absolutely no way anyone in a rational frame of mind would ever want to hear the sorts of conclusions being arrived at in Max's trailer, but he ignores the urge, instead choosing to walk back toward the den with Sadie and Eddie following along close behind.
Four chimes. Four deaths…
Not for the first time, Steve catches himself wondering if this fight against the Upside Down will truly ever end, or if they will all just be stuck fighting battle after battle, for the rest of their lives.
…
"Hey. Can I—talk to you for a sec?"
Sadie looks up at the sudden sound of Lucas' inquiry, a small nod all she can manage as she does what she can to drag herself away from her wayward thoughts. Dustin and Max were in the latter's room, searching for some sort of mask for Eddie to use once they ventured outside. Steve and Eddie were still poring over the phonebook, opened to the page with an advertisement for The War Zone. Before going off in search of the mask, Max had even pilfered one of her mom's old shirts for Sadie to wear, so she could give Eddie his jacket back, and throw the ripped fabric Andy had ruined in the trash.
Plans had been made. They were going back to the Upside Down. And no matter how sure Sadie was that she was going to do this, for Max, if nothing else, she couldn't quite seem to shake herself free of the lingering sensation of dread that chilled her to her very bones.
The sense that told her they weren't all going to come out of this alive.
"You don't—you don't have to do this. I mean we—I would understand. If you didn't," Lucas says, the sincerity behind the words causing Sadie's eyes to widen, "And I—I've been thinking. If we can get back to Miss Kelley's, maybe—maybe she's got a file on someone else dealing with the same thing as Max. And if she does, maybe—"
"Lucas, we can't. We can't drag someone else into this. Especially not someone who has no idea what they're up against."
"I know. It's—I'm probably awful for thinking it, but I can't—"
"You can't lose her."
Lucas nods, then, and Sadie sees the very real fear for Max's safety in his eyes for the first time, her heart twisting at yet another reminder of how she is not the only one with something to lose. Lucas didn't see what Vecna had shown her. What he had shown Nancy. But he is still staring the reality of losing someone he loves in the face, regardless, and Sadie feels a flare of empathy slamming into her chest, her hand reaching for Lucas' on instinct so she can give what she hopes will be a reassuring squeeze.
"You won't. I—I've got her back."
"Yeah. That's—that's kind of what I'm worried about," Lucas admits, wincing as soon as the words leave his mouth, because he knows with just a look at Sadie's expression that she is taking them the wrong way, "Not—not because of you! I mean, I saw what you did at Eddie's trailer. You're kind of a badass, but—"
"I'm not."
"No. You are. It's just—you've got her back. But who—who has yours?"
Sadie isn't entirely sure how to respond to that, because it's something she's not even had time to consider, given everything else that has been going on. She knows they still need to put some finishing touches on the plan for taking on Vecna, but she'd just assumed they would do that after the impending trip to gather more weapons.
It surprises her, though, that in spite of the momentary loose end, the concern she expects to feel never actually comes.
Maybe this is what Vincent means when he talks about her having a death wish.
"Sadie?"
Lucas' voice startles her out of her reverie once again, and Sadie forces a tremulous smile to her lips despite knowing almost immediately that Lucas is hardly going to buy it for a second. She can tell he's watching her. Trying to read her expression. And rather than give him a chance to see anything even remotely close to the real thoughts filtering through her mind, she shakes her head, even managing a nonchalant little shrug before summoning the wherewithal to speak.
"Raw instinct has to count for something, right?"
"If you were hoping that would be reassuring—it's not."
"I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be," Lucas cuts in, tentatively extending a hand halfway towards Sadie, but then seeming to hesitate, pulling back after a moment, as a furrow forms on his brow, "I'm the one that should be sorry."
"Why do—why do you say that?"
"I—might have heard what your mother said to you at the Wheelers'. About—about Pennhurst. And that—that sucks."
"That's not—it's not anything you should have to apologize for," Sadie murmurs, forcing herself to ignore the flushing of her cheeks because more than embarrassment over her mother's actions, she feels unbelievable guilt over Lucas having any sense of responsibility for her in the aftermath at all, "She's just—"
"In some sort of—denial?"
"You could say that."
"I think I've kind of been—in denial too."
Sadie frowns at the statement, unsure of what exactly it might mean, but Lucas seems to catch on to her confusion and chooses to elaborate before she even has a chance to request such a thing, herself.
"I thought I wanted to be like them. Like Jason. And Andy," Lucas admits, aware of how Sadie seems to flinch as soon as the second name escapes, though she seems to recover quickly enough, and is eyeing him with nothing but concern in next to no time at all, "But once they started going after Eddie—really going after him, I—"
"You are nothing like them, Lucas Sinclair. I knew that from the first day you were on the team."
"Sorry. I just—I know he's your brother. And Andy's your boyfriend."
"Actually, I don't really think Andy and I are—together anymore."
The words hang in the air for a moment, and Sadie is surprisingly relieved with the finality behind them, even in spite of the knowledge that eventually, she will have to actually make Andy aware of this particular development, as well. A laugh threatens to bubble up in response to the thought. To the admittedly far-fetched possibility of how maybe—just maybe—after the incident with the crowbar, he might be the one to flinch away if she moved too quickly.
But before any of that can sift through Sadie's mind in any sort of order that might make actual sense, Max and Dustin are heading back into the room, the fuzzy looking object the redhead thrusts at Eddie clearly meant to be the mask he requested just a few moments ago.
Sadie watches as he looks at the thing for a moment, and then manages a shrug, her eyes tracking his movements as he sends her a wink from across the room before dragging the mask down over his head.
And then she really is incapable of resisting the laughter that bubbles up, one hand lifting to clap over her mouth to muffle the sound, because clearly, she must be going insane…
Sadie knows this is hardly the moment for hysterical laughter, and even then, she cannot seem to stop.
"Oh, so this is funny, huh?" Eddie mumbles, the mask muffling his voice and only making Sadie laugh harder, the sound provoking a smile even though he knows she will never be able to see it, herself. He can see Harrington and Wheeler watching with a mixture of amusement and concern. Dustin is trying to hide his own laugh behind a hand, and Robin's shoulders are shaking.
Eddie, though, can only look at Sadie, her cheeks reddening slightly as she tries to corral herself, and fails entirely, and he decides then and there that if he can find a way of seeing her like this for the rest of his life, then he could very well die a happy man.
Even better if she's laughing like this because of him.
"Okay, Giggles-McGee, we uh—we ready to go, here, or do you need a minute?" Steve asks, the question only coming off as mildly exasperated because of the laugh he manages to half-cover with a sudden desire to cough.
"Yeah I—no. No, I'm good."
"You sure about that, Sweetheart?"
"I will be if you just—maybe don't—don't say anything else until that thing is off your head."
Eddie snorts at the confession. At how he can tell Sadie is fighting to keep more laughter at bay with everything she has. At Harrington's all too predictable roll of the eyes.
He tucks the memory of Sadie's laughter away and then turns to the door of Max's trailer, a slow breath escaping as they all take a moment to prepare for what they are about to do.
Each of them seem to know that, if they take any longer than just that one moment, they might just lose their nerve.
…
Now that the camper they've stolen is securely hidden in a side alley near The War Zone, and Steve, Nancy, Robin, Max, and Erica have ventured inside to pick up the required supplies, Sadie allows her head to loll back against the wall behind the small seat she occupies, with Eddie's arm slung around her shoulders. Dustin is seated nearby, silent but for the soft huff he releases every time he checks his watch for the time, and Lucas is pacing the narrow bit of flooring between them…
For a moment, she can almost remember vacations taken with her family. Jason practically pacing a hole in the floor of a hotel lobby while they both wait impatiently for their mother to finish giving the rooms they will be staying in a thorough once-over before either of them are even allowed to relax.
But this isn't some family excursion. Jason and her parents aren't here. Sadie is with what she might be bold enough to describe as a new family, now, and they're trying to do the impossible.
And the threat of Vecna jolts Sadie back into some form of awareness once again, her mind scrambling for something to talk about. Something to distract her before her fears can devour her alive.
"Eddie?"
"Mm?"
"After all of this, could you maybe—teach me? How to um—how to hotwire, I mean?"
"Now why would a good little girl like you need to know something like that?" He questions, the teasing lilt to his tone provoking a soft smile to curve at Sadie's lips, his fingertips brushing against her cheekbone as he tucks a loose lock of hair behind her ear, "You're not thinking of going rogue on me, are you? Starting up a life of crime?"
"No, I just—I mean—I may or may not be homeless by the end of all of this. Or if not homeless, then locked up in Pennhurst, so—"
"Wait—Pennhurst? When the hell did that happen?"
"When we all got collared by the law, her mom ended up coming to the Wheelers'," Dustin supplies, ignoring Sadie's raised brow at the collaring comment, and plowing on as a means of distracting himself from another hundred or so impatient looks down at his watch, "It kinda wasn't pretty."
"Shit."
"Hence the hotwiring lessons," Sadie adds on, trying to keep her tone light, though she knows with just a single glance between Eddie and Dustin that the attempt is already falling flat on its face, "Seeing as they may be the only thing between me, and a family reunion with Victor."
"Sadie—"
"I don't know. Maybe I'd actually—like him as a roommate."
"You're not going to Pennhurst. No way," Eddie protests, the sentiment echoed in Dustin's vehement shake of the head, and in the way Lucas has stopped his pacing to favor her with a mildly disapproving frown at the same time, "We'll—we'll figure something out."
"Yeah. Like—like the hotwiring thing."
"Or she could just stay with one of us, Dustin," Lucas suggests, rolling his eyes at Dustin's obviously skeptical expression, and shaking his head before turning to resume his pacing, "Unbelievable."
"Or, if I'm still, you know—a wanted man—we could both put the hotwiring to use and you could just come with me."
The words are out before he can think twice, and Eddie is already kicking himself because Sadie has gone eerily still. Dustin is now staring at his watch as though it is the most fascinating thing in the world, and even Lucas is finding some sort of reason to linger towards the back of the camper.
Shit, had he just gone and messed everything up?
Go figure, him and his stupid mouth.
"You—you really mean that?"
"Fuck, Sweetheart, why wouldn't I?"
Sadie feels the tears burning at the corners of her eyes but she isn't scared. She isn't sad. With everything that's happened, the idea of being really, truly happy is almost a foreign concept, but her chest is nearly bursting with the feeling anyway, and it takes all the restraint she has to stop herself from kissing Eddie senseless then and there, audience be damned.
Even the image of him lying lifeless on the ground at her feet can be forced to the side, at least for a moment, because here, in the present, it almost feels like they can make it out of this. That there can be a life after Vecna.
And suddenly, a life full of unknowns doesn't seem so bad. Not with the idea of facing those unknowns with Eddie at her side.
"Thank—thank you."
"Okay, do Lucas and I need to like—give you guys the room? Camper? Whatever the hell this thing is?" Dustin inquires, the teasing that is so apparent in his tone causing Eddie to snort, while Sadie turns from him to bury her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking with soft laughter.
"Nah, Henderson. I think we're good."
"You sure about that?"
"Positive. I, for one, plan to be on my best behavior. Just like always."
Sadie bites into her lower lip to keep the laughter that comes about in response to Eddie's assertion at bay, but Lucas and Dustin have no such filter, the sound of their amusement almost seeming to blare around the enclosed space in spite of their need to remain relatively quiet to avoid drawing any unwanted attention. And even with Eddie's attempt at appearing affronted, even he can't hide the twitch at the corners of his mouth, the shaking of Sadie's shoulders causing her to bump against his side while his arm tightens around her as a result.
Their little group is still laughing when the door to the camper wrenches open, the suddenness of the act causing Sadie to flinch just a bit closer to Eddie's side until she realizes it's just Steve and the others returning, arms laden with bags.
"What took you so long?" Dustin demands, only just managing to catch the bag Robin tosses his way, while another bag flies toward Eddie, nearly smacking Sadie in the face as a result.
"We've gotta go."
"Your old friends are here," Erica chimes in, the words taking a moment to sink in until the look she shares with Dustin, Lucas and Eddie causes Sadie's heart to plummet. She knows who Erica is talking about. Jason, and Andy, and who only knows who else that they have managed to drag into their ill-informed witch hunt.
For a moment, she is back at the lake, pinned against the boathouse while Andy paws at her clothes…
"Wonder what happened to Andy's face."
"What are you talking about?" Lucas asks, the inquiry provoking a roll of the eyes from his younger sister as Steve starts the RV and begins to pull out of the lot.
"He looked like he got in a fight with a basketball, and lost."
"Oh. That," Sadie begins, aware of the sudden weight of not only Erica's, but Lucas', Dustin's and Max's gazes landing on her all at once, and exhaling a shaky breath before going on, "That might have—that might have been me."
The expectant looks don't exactly falter in response to the assertion, and Sadie is aware of Nancy, Robin and Steve going silent in the front of the camper, as well, her eyes slipping closed as she realizes they are all likely waiting on an explanation, now. Eddie's arm is still around her shoulders, and she leans into him as she reminds herself this isn't a group of people that will judge her, or decide that she was in the wrong.
She doesn't have to tell them what Andy was trying to do to her, after all…
"It just—it wasn't a basketball," She admits, forcing herself to look Lucas, Erica, Dustin and Max in the eye for a beat, another steadying breath all she has before the truth tumbles out for good.
"It was a crowbar."
Silence greets the confession, and Sadie bites into her lower lip as she watches the younger teens share another look. But just as she is starting to second-guess her thoughts on whether or not they will judge her, Lucas coughs out a laugh, and Dustin is suddenly looking at her with a ridiculously broad grin to back up his reply.
"That. Is. Awesome."
Aware that the censure she was dreading isn't going to come, Sadie feels herself relax against Eddie's side, a faint smile forming as she realizes Eddie is leaning closer to add his own commentary to the mix, though the words are just low enough that only she can hear.
"See? What'd I tell you? Hero."
"Shut up."
Eddie's laugh sends warm air ghosting against the shell of her ear, and Sadie shivers, the retaliatory elbow she sends to Eddie's side hardly lacking any true power behind it at all. Again, it is startlingly easy to simply exist, whatever dread she may have for what they are about to do on hold, at least for the time-being.
And Sadie would be a liar to pretend she isn't determined to enjoy that particular reprieve for as long as she can.
…
Okay, so this chapter was another filler-ish extravaganza, with a little bit of fluff thrown in along the way. But I felt like given that the next few chapters will be on the heavier side of things, it might have been a necessary thing to do? I have to admit, I'm kind of dreading writing the next few installments, but the angst-loving side of me is almost giddy at the same time. I already have the first two chapters of the sequel written, too (because yes, I'm that unwilling to give Eddie and Sadie up). So consider this my way of saying the fun is nowhere near to being over, yet? ;)
As always, my heartfelt thanks go out to each and every one of you that has taken the time to read, follow, favorite and review this story so far! And special thanks to mistyagami for always leaving such lovely feedback with each new chapter that comes out! I'm so, so very happy I'm not the only one enjoying this little plot bunny, and I can only hope you all continue to enjoy things as they progress!
Until next time, angels…
MOMM