"Kissing knuckles"

Chapter 19

Robert arrived home, his lungs struggling for air. He hurried on his way back from Cora because anxiety had him in its grip. Robert was anxious when he carried the flowers to her flat and was even more anxious now that the deed was done. He didn't know why it made him so nervous. As he closed the door of his apartment behind him, he cursed under his breath. Why couldn't he be cooler about this? He brought Cora some flowers and an apology letter, and he thought it was a great gesture. It's not that everyone would have thought of this. But he figured it out by himself. That a gift such as flowers and some written words would be amazing to show an attempt at mending things with… his friend. Well, with Cora. He had to admit, he figured out the thing with the flowers but that there had to be a sign send to begin with, well, he didn't get that all alone. Rosamund had been of some assistance.

After his sister had put him on the spot like that in the restaurant, he slowly realised the necessity too. Cora was unhappy and it seemed it had to be his fault. Even if it was just a mishap and he didn't intend to mess things up and hurt her. He thought, she must know that the last thing he wants to do was hurt her. Quite contrary. And Robert knew she didn't want to see him and he respected that. But there had to be something that could be done when hours prior to their fight she had been so happy to have him by her side. He really hoped the flowers would do the trick.

Now there was nothing left to do but wait. The roses were delivered, and Robert couldn't do anything anymore. He just had to pray that it was enough.

But it wasn't as easy as it sounded. He hated waiting. He paced all rooms of his flat, one after the other. He didn't really know what he was waiting for. Who knew when Cora would leave her flat and see the flowers? And what would she do about it? Would she keep them? Would she maybe put them in water and that would be about it? Would she even consider reaching out to him? He certainly wanted her to, even though he didn't know what he would say. There was so much on his mind, probably so much to be said. But Robert didn't feel like saying anything at the moment. He just wanted to be with her. He wanted to hold her and feel her. And he wanted to know her to be happy.

His pacing slowed down a bit as his thoughts focused on a pleasant topic. He thought about her. The way he remembered her before the fight. The way he wanted her to be. Happy.

His mind conjured up her beaming face. Robert had seen it multiple times. He knew by heart the way her eyes lit up and her pearly white teeth would show ever so slightly between her parted lips in the wide smile. He wanted Cora to be this way again. And a growing part of him wanted to be the one who put the smile on her face.

In his dreamy and spell-bound state, Robert could even smell the scent of her hair. Not for the first time, he lived through the experience of playing with her hair early in the morning. He knew exactly how soft her hair felt. How he found multiple knots in her hair while she still lay sleepy beneath the covers next to him, her limbs sprawled out in all directions. When he tried to remove the knots, she would yelp the way his beloved dog had yelped when someone had stepped onto his paw. And when Robert offered to brush her hair, Cora would decline. He wouldn't know how to do it, she had said. And if Robert had learned one thing, it was that Cora was right most of the time. Maybe he should have listened to her more often.

Robert hadn't really realised what the time with Cora had done with him. Of course, he liked her. And of course, he knew that she was a special person in his life. She was his best friend after all. But the withdrawal he experienced lately revealed that there was much more to it than he thought. The constant yearning wasn't getting better at all. He did not only miss her; he longed for her. He needed her presence. He needed the safety and comfort she provided him with. Robert wasn't ready to give up what had improved his life on so many levels over the last couple of months. He had never felt as good as the time Cora had been a regular guest overnight. It slowly dawned on him what all of this meant. Cora wasn't just a friend or a best friend. She was so much more to him.

And that was the reason why he added word after word to his apology letter, not really reflecting if it was wise to share his sentiments so openly. He had a good intuition to rip the sentimental part off of the letter and keep it to himself. He was nervous enough about her reaction to the flowers and the safe part of the letter. Horrific the thought he would have left the letter whole.

Robert buried his hands in the pockets of his jacket to fish for the rest of the letter. He dug his hands deeper when he couldn't find anything; but again nothing. He held his breath as he frantically searched one pocket of his trousers after the other. This couldn't be. He had put it in his pocket. It couldn't be gone. Robert was much too shocked to utter a word; otherwise, he would have cursed the hell out of this nightmare this day was becoming.

After an endless search, Robert was none the wiser. The letter remained missing, even though Robert knew exactly how he had slipped it into his jacket when he left Cora's apartment door and walked down the stairs.

With a defeated sigh, he sank onto his sofa. He didn't know how much time went by while he tried to conjure up her face again and lost himself in daydreams of her. She was the object of all his dreams and desires. He had tried to deny it but maybe he should just give in to it. And this was also the most effective way to distract him from the consequences of the missing letter.

A buzzing sound came from the coffee table. His phone was ringing with an incoming call. It took a few seconds until the screen lit up, but Robert already snatched the phone from the table quickly. His heart speeded up sizeably in his chest. And then the name appeared on the screen. Cora.

A/N: The next chapter will come in two or so days because another cliffhanger like this wouldn't be fair :) We are getting there, guys, I promise! Please leave a review! They always make my day! And thank you for all your constant support, love u!