May 24th, 2021 NO TIME GIVEN
I had a bad dream again. You know the one by now. I swear it gets worse each time they occur. This occasion was just like the others, but every wall had a mirror. Each and every square inch I could potentially see? I saw myself looking back. Don't think I saw Luna, but then again, did I need to see her if I was already freaking out?
The TV was off and I didn't bother turning it back on. Had no reason to. I woke up to my brother snapping at me. He has serious issues in his life, and sadly all my goading to get him to see a therapist have failed. Dad doesn't care. He already has one confirmed loony son; no need for a confirmed second.
It sucks getting yelled at all the time, but that's the life I live. Got nowhere else to go and no one to talk to, so I suppose this is my destiny. A pretty crap one, but guess I'm not allowed to complain. I mean, I want to, and probably will regardless, but still.
What's weird, though, is that I keep swearing I'm seeing... I don't know, something staring at me down the road. Tonight's the worst in terms of work, because I left late, and got home late. Even in May it gets dark quickly, and with the trees all but grown back to health, everything feels more covered and menacing when darkness hits.
I was dropped off a block from my house (that goddamn taxi never gets my address right) and I had to walk down my road. There used to be a bunch of lights above, but ten years ago we had that nasty hurricane, and for whatever reason, the state never bothered to replace them. Isn't that a safety violation? Well, that ain't the point right now. The point is when I reached my yard, I felt a pair of eyes on my back.
I live on a cul-de-sac, right at the very entrance to it, so I can see a bunch of houses down the road all circling a, well, circle. In the middle of the circle, I saw a figure watching me. I have a neighbor who tends to walk at night, and I wanted to believe it was him, but getting a better look, it was obvious that it wasn't him. One, this was more of a teen, and he's in his sixties. Two, they seemed... off.
You know me by now, journal. My nerves started to act up. I didn't call out to the person. I just went to the front door and unlocked it (my brother and I fight a lot, but at least he unlocks the door for me after work). I never felt more happy to slam it behind me. Periodically I looked out the window, but I don't have a vantage point. Only room in the house I can see that part is through my dad's room, and I refuse to try while he's sleeping.
It was probably my eyes thinking a parked car was a person again. It's so uncomfortably dark tonight. Guess I'll just sleep it off. Should I keep the TV off? You know what? I'm gonna try it. I'm memorizing the episode a little too well.
January 19th, 2018 - 1:00 AM NOTE FROM STELLA: I don't get this either. He just suddenly dates it like this
Roadie to Nowhere is an episode that really hurts me inside. I see her in it. Luna feels she's off the path to success, that her hobby will lead to her downfall. It's funny. She was the same way. She was a great writer, a perfect one at that. I only ever read one of her manuscripts, since the others I assume she destroyed, but she had perfect merit when it came to crafting stories.
Luna was the same. She could compose music, play it just as well, and even sing along to the beat. All of that meant she should make it big, but one small snag in the plan makes her doubt everything.
She and Luna are the exact same. I wonder if she looked like her back then. Hell, now that I think about it, I'm fearing I'm just like her too. Both of them. Where am I going in my life? Is my profession the correct one? Dad doesn't think so. He hates me over it.
All of them do. I was supposed to be a writer, or a game designer, but my brother beat that out of me. Seeing him descend into madness made me never want to try again. Everyone from school must be angry. I am too. My occupation just kinda happened. Do I feel fulfilled that I'm not even trying to accomplish my dreams?
No. Of course I'm not. I want to be a writer, but my time has come. I'm bad at it, my family had bad luck doing it, and let's face it, the less said about my appearance, the better. I just feel so miserable punching in everyday. Did she feel the same? Is that why she gave up on her dream?
I hate you, Luna. I hate you, Luna. I hate you, Luna. I hate you, Luna. I hate me, Luna.
May 25th, 2021 5:00 AM
I screwed up. I don't remember my dream, but somehow I ended up in my dad's room, back in the corner. I don't think he noticed me enter, and luckily he didn't wake up as I made my escape. I slithered back in my bed, but there was no point. I was already wide awake.
Holy crap, though, something is wrong. I promised myself never to enter that room at night unless it's an emergency. That's where my mom died. We threw away the old mattress, but the memory of her just lying there hasn't gone away. I'm shocked my dad can still sleep there these days.
His closet is one that is fully a mirror. I hate it. Even when I can't fully see it, I somehow always see myself. I saw her. Luna. She was just standing there. Her smile was big, but her eyes weren't there. I don't know where they went. My mind is screwed up.
My TV just turned on. Nicktoons is on. Roadie to Nowhere is on, but there's no audio. Volume is up. I'm getting tired of this. I just want to watch a goddamn show again without feeling paranoid. And where the hell is Luna? Every time she's on screen it violently cuts. Are they messing with me? That's the only explanation.
I hate mirrors, and I'm really starting to hate this episode. I mean, it's fine, but when it won't leave you alone, I mean, how can I enjoy it? Luckily it just ended. Commercial break? Yes, a commercial break.
I might take my brother's advice. He noticed I'm starting to get very paranoid again. When that happens, he recommends sleeping on the couch in the living room. Sure, there's a window over the couch, but I'll be underneath it. Shouldn't be a problem, least I hope.
If Luna wants to mess with me there, I'll at least know.