LGB

Train Edmonton to Montreal

May 30, 1919

Dearest Elizabeth,

This is my recollection of the evening you came to my office, and we first sat on that coziest of settees.

"If anything happens to my father, you're the one I'll blame Bouchard."
I am going to leave the scene so that Christopher can be calmed by the others. He doesn't really need to blame me as I already blame myself. I should have known that Henry's condition was more serious than he was letting on. I could have been responsible for his death, and the young man who had just reconnected with his father, would lose him again.

I am useless to anyone right now, so I will head to my office, hide out, and hopefully sort out my thoughts, and rid myself of my brood before Elizabeth arrives for dinner.

Hours have passed and I still feel the weight pressing on me; I pour myself a drink of my finest scotch. I have it stashed in my office so it won't be accidentally served to customers. It was a gift from my father purchased during a trip to Britain a couple of years ago. I have savored it slowly, usually in celebration, but this time in reflection.

I hear a knock at the door and in you come…my beautiful Elizabeth. Well perhaps you aren't mine quite yet, but I am ever hopeful that soon you will open your heart to me. God help me, but I am yours with all that I am; I don't know if I could go on without you, certainly, my heart could not.

"Henry is going to be fine." I hear you say. And I state what I hope is obvious.
"I had no idea as to the seriousness of his condition."
I am sure that you know me well enough by now to believe that without question.

After a brief update, I hear you ask me if I still want to have dinner. I could lie and carry on with it, but I know that we are closer than that. You will understand if I tell you the truth.

" For once if you will excuse me…."

And of course, I know you will. It is in your very nature to be kind and understanding.

I have circled my desk and I am leaning against it; I see you pat the place next to you on the settee. "Would you care to join me?" I hear. "I could stay… and we could talk for a while."

Care to join you? I am thinking…. more than I want to take my next breath. But I try to be composed and reply "that sounds nice."

I am heading toward you now and you are quietly sitting there looking at me with those beautiful eyes and that sweet little smile. I am going to sit next to you, but I am not certain that I will be able to fit, with any appropriate distance between us. As I lower myself into the space next to you, I cannot help but graze against you and a jolt shoots to my core as I sit with my thigh against yours. I am not sure that I can breathe as all the air has left the room as the fire consumes me. "Cozy" you say, and we laugh at that which momentarily relieves the overwhelming feeling that has come over me.

I can smell the scent that you wear, and I can see you looking at me with what I perceive as desire. I want so badly to take you in my arms and taste those lips and feel the warmth of your body against mine. To let you know that I am yours alone, body and soul. And I am quite certain that at the moment you would counter my passion with equal measure, so I am so very tempted…..

And now you put your hand shyly in mine in a gesture of comfort. I wrap my hand very slowly around yours trying to maintain my composure as I do. Your hand is so soft and warm in mine. Oh yes, you tempt me, but I want your heart and not a few moments of physical pleasure. I want you to offer yourself to me as my soulmate; to explore what we have together and what I can see as our lifetime. I can hardly believe what I am about to do.

I lean in close as if I might kiss you, but I hear myself saying "It is very kind of you to sit here with me, but I think you should go. I want to be patient. I want you to be completely comfortable." And now I wait.

"Thank you for your patience," you say, and I know for certain I have made the right decision. Had you continued on to say, "but I am ready." I might have believed you as I want you so very badly. Just a kiss for now and as hard as that might be to walk away from, I would, as I want you to be my wife before we consummate our relationship. I have waited my whole life for that special moment, and I will continue to wait as long as I must, because deep down, I know that we are meant to be husband and wife.

But I can't let you leave without a tender moment that lets you know how much I adore you. So, I raise our joined hands and lower my head and place my lips on your hand. I can hear you breathe pause and I know you are yearning as I am. This moment, as my lips touch your skin for the first time, is a prayer and a promise; a prayer that you will give me your heart one day and a promise that I will wait for you.

I feel you slowly rising and so I try to get myself composed enough to stand without total embarrassment. You are walking toward the door, and I am trying to shake off this tension I feel, this excruciating sweet pain.

I see you are pausing, and you turn to face me. I am thinking you may be having second thoughts about leaving and I am holding my breath. Would I have the strength to resist if you came to me now? What I would give to hold you against me, to have your body molded to me, to feel every curve fit against me. I am torn between telling you to run and hauling you into my arms. But alas I don't have to do either as you turn back to the door and leave. I exhale the breath I am holding and return to my office chair and my drink. However, am I going to make it through tonight with my body burning with desire? But I know that I have done the right thing for our future, and I am content with my decision.

My sweet Elizabeth… I have done the best I can to remember the gist of my thoughts and feelings. And while the man in me wanted you so badly that night, I am still so very glad at how it all transpired in the end. Our wedding night was perfect, and worth every moment of sweet agony along the way to get there.

Lovingly yours,

Lucas

7