Content Advisory: Mild Suggestive Content, Prejudice (towards fictional group—"Animals")

✉ Chapter Fifteen: Tea and Misery ✉

Elphaba rushed into her dorm and closed the door behind her, forcefully snapping the lock shut as if she were being pursued.

Galinda's side of the room was already visibly empty and Elphaba briefly allowed herself to feel puzzled as to how her roommate had gotten things cleared out so fast. When the moment passed, Elphaba found herself darting to grab her suitcase out from under her bed. She thrust it open and began indiscriminately tossing a jumble of her belongings inside.

Elphaba, distracted by her task, took her pointy hat off of her head and placed it into the suitcase. She paused upon noticing it sitting there, thought better of it, and took it out. She flung a few more things in the suitcase, hesitated, and then put the hat back in the suitcase…and then back out again. Back in, back out, back in, back out. Frenzied and unable to decide, she jammed it back onto her head with a harried huff.

She then all but lunged for the bottom drawer and pulled out her organized stash of letters with half a mind to pack them, but instead of packing them, she began erratically thumbing through them as she started to pace.

"Dear Fae, dear Fae, dearest Fae, my dear Fae, darling Fae…" she read aloud, tossing each letter behind her shoulder with a few short, hysterical cackles.

Having had enough, she threw the offending letters into the air and shook her head in mortification as they rained down around her upon the floor. To think that he—him—he—him—

The door of Galinda's walk-in closet, now sufficiently emptied out, was left open right ahead in Elphaba's line of vision. She numbly walked towards it and peered inside, taking an unusually deep breath in through her nose and out through her mouth.

Elphaba had never let herself linger too long on what had transpired between them in this closet, but now, unfortunately, she recalled everything in torturously vivid detail. The eyes locking, the jawline tensing, the hands brushing. His eyes shifting down to stare at her lips.

Elphaba closed her eyes and tilted her head back, her hand unconsciously drifting down from the back of her neck down over her collarbone and sternum as a small, involuntary sound escaped her. Her eyes snapped open in horror as she realized what she was doing and she looked towards her open suitcase as if only now getting a grip on her actions.

"What's wrong with me?"

What had she been planning on doing anyway? Running away? Leaving Shiz?

Where would she even go?

"I'm not leaving Shiz, you leave Shiz," Elphaba muttered childishly as she slouched towards the suitcase and dumped the contents back out onto the bed. "Mister too cool for school."

Not that Fiyero would leave Shiz, what with all of the work he'd been putting into school as of late. He'd been trying, really trying. Plus, he was so stressed out about disappointing his parents that—

Wait, stop. How seamlessly Yero and Fiyero were already blending together in her mind! Elphaba groaned in misery and sank to the ground as she yanked the brim of her hat down over her eyes.

As she sat on the floor against her bed, hiding in her hat, she enviously recalled her namesake. Oh, to be Saint Aelphaba of the Waterfall. To gather a bunch of grapes and disappear into a cave never ever be seen again by anyone alive.

That sounded nice.

Elphaba slowly lifted her hat back from over her eyes and took a good long look at the letters littering the floor. The cluttered chaos seemed to be an outward manifestation of her own turbulent mood. What a mess this was. What a mess she'd made.

She crawled forward and flopped upon her back on the floor, spreading her arms and legs out as if she were fixing to make snow angels in her piles of letters.

So…what do we do now?

Fiyero's voice nagged in her ear. What did they do now? What did she do now?

She turned her head to the side and peeled a letter off of her cheek. She absentmindedly unfolded it to reread Yero's words.

Dear Fae,

The advice in your last letter was spot on. Sometimes I honestly think you know me better than I know myself.

Elphaba stood and shook off the letters clinging to her frock. That was it, she did know him. She knew everything about him, and seeing as she knew him, she'd know how to outlast him. The answers were there in his letters, the clues to help her dodge him, at least until she figured out her next move.

She knew one thing for sure, if the meltdown she'd endured was any indication, she couldn't afford to find out how she'd react to being face to face with Fiyero again.

Elphaba didn't sleep much last night but instead organized her dorm and obsessively plotted how to stay one step ahead of Fiyero. As she fixed to leave the next morning, she rationalized that the first thing she could expect him to do was write a letter. However, now that he knew her identity there would be no reason for him to go to the tree. Instead, he'd like go to the source and put it directly in her mailbox or on–

Her door.

There, deftly taped to her door, was an envelope that simply read Elphaba in his handwriting. She'd know it anywhere, after all. She peeled it off and felt her heart thud as she considered what he may have written to her. She slid her green thumb under the seal in trepidation and was about to break it when…

"Any day now, Artichoke."

Startled, Elphaba turned to see an expectant Pfannee and ShenShen standing shoulder to shoulder.

"Ugh. What?" Elphaba complained.

"We're here on behalf of your former roommate."

"Where is Galinda?"

"Pfannee, did you hear what she just said?"

"I think she just called her Galinda, ShenShen."

"That's what I heard too. With a guhhhh and everything."

"Beat it harpies," Elphaba dismissed them. "If Galinda has something to say she can come tell me herself."

"Oooh she did it again!" Pfannee clicked her tongue disapprovingly.

"I don't care what you think. Galinda and I are friends and we're going to—"

"Funny, I would have thought that a real friend would know her name."

"What?"

"Oh, you didn't hear?" ShenShen raised her eyebrows as a gaggle of students strolled past and waved.

"ShenShen! Tell Glinda I said hi!" "Love the rebrand." "So chic!"

"What!?"

"It's Glinda now," ShenShen said.

"Yeah, it's Glinda now!" Pfannee jumped in helpfully.

"Did she change her name just to piss me off?"

"Listen, we're only here because Glinda forgot her reticule."

"What the hell is a reticule?"

"We don't have to explain anything to a traitor like you!" ShenShen sneered.

"I'm not a traitor! I don't know how much Gali—Glinda told you, but she doesn't have the full story. I'm not even with him. I'm not going to be with him. I—I mean," Elphaba faltered. "I…don't even like him."

"Is that right?" ShenShen said in a skeptical tone before pointing to the letter in Elphaba's hand. "Then what is that?"

She ripped the letter out of Elphaba's hands with a meanspirited laugh and tossed it to Pfannee.

"Gee, I wonder who this is from!"

"Give that back, give it back!" Elphaba shouted, lunging desperately for her letter. "It's mine!"

She wrestled it from Pfannee and backed up several steps placing it over her heart to shield it from harm's way. The girls shared a look with each other.

"But you don't even like him…huh?" ShenShen said. "Let's get out of here, we have much to report to Glinda."

"Yeah. Keep the reticule, Asparagirl!"

"Ooh, good one."

"What's a reticule!?" Elphaba hollered as the girls pushed past.

Elphaba looked down to her letter with a heavy heart to see that it had been nearly severed all the way down the middle in the tussle. She shook her head and shoved it into her bookbag, not immediately equipped to handle the contents of Fiyero's missive. She'd read it one day, maybe, but now was not that time.

Her mission was to evade him, after all.

They only shared one class together, thankfully, so she'd cross that bridge when she got there. She knew he would never go to the library of his own accord, but it would be the first place he'd look for her. Best steer clear of it. She knew his favorite coffee shop, where he liked to go to think, and where he wouldn't be caught dead at, most notably, a poetry reading.

He hated poetry.

So, an open forum for students to share their prose was where Elphaba went. It was being held in a cramped tea house (which was all the better because Fiyero hated tea) and had already begun by the time Elphaba squeezed in. She was about to order when she heard the person announce the next presenter.

"Next up we'll hear from Nessarose Thropp."

Elphaba looked up and stepped out of line, pushing past a few people to catch sight of her sister situating herself in front of the elevated stage. She observed as Nessarose delicately unfolded a piece of paper from her lap and cleared her throat. Two people sitting at a table near Elphaba were still conversing loudly as Nessarose began to recite, so Elphaba nonchalantly kicked the leg of their table to get them to shut up and listen.

Her chest swelled as Nessarose's use of imagery and syntax mixed together to form a simple poem as tragically lovely as herself. Her voice was characteristically timid, but could still be heard. As Nessarose concluded her piece Elphaba clapped enthusiastically, forgetting the more customary practice of snapping.

Nessarose looked up and met Elphaba's eyes and Elphaba simply folded her hands over her heart to silently express her pride. Nessarose hesitated before maneuvering through the crowd to approach Elphaba. The sisters regarded each other awkwardly for a moment before Elphaba spoke.

"Tea?"

"Please."

Elphaba ordered for them and they sat off to the side as more poets took the stand—with varying levels of talent.

"You've been holding out on me, Nessa. Who knew you were such a poet?"

"Well, I've tried my hand at enough pastimes. It was about time one should stick."

"You're good. Certainly better than him," Elphaba nodded towards a boy dramatically beating on his heart as he recited a poem. "You've really found your voice."

Nessarose pursed her lips and offered a modest shrug, saying nothing.

"Where's Boq?" Elphaba asked nonchalantly as she took a sip of tea. "I don't see him here."

"He was going to come but when he heard that Galinda changed her name he tasked himself with spreading the news around campus," Nessarose mumbled.

Elphaba paused in the middle of setting her teacup on the saucer and stared at Nessarose.

"Let me get this straight…he knew that you were presenting your work and he chose to spend his time telling people that Glinda changed her precious name?!"

"Elphaba–"

"That's outrageous! Nessa, he should be here–"

"I know that. I know he should," Nessarose said, quickly setting her teacup down with a clink. She swiftly averted her gaze away from the crowd as tears welled and spilled over in one quick motion. She sniffled and began smearing her pale hands over her face to compose herself. "I'm a fool, Elphaba."

"You're not a fool," Elphaba said patiently.

She rummaged through her bag and pulled out a handkerchief with some loosely embroidered lilies and handed it to Nessarose who accepted it and began dabbing at the corners of her eyes.

"Wait, I made this for you…" Nessarose realized with a sniff upon examining the handkerchief.

"I know you did. I always keep it on me."

"It's not very good. You were always better at embroidery. Besides, I've never even seen you cry."

"It reminds me of you," Elphaba explained simply. She regarded her sister for a long moment before speaking bluntly. "It's been hell to be ignored by you, Nessa."

"Don't say hell."

"I'm in college now I get to say hell," Elphaba quipped smartly. A small, teary smile tugged at Nessarose's lips at that.

There was a rowdy clamoring up front and the sisters turned their attention to see a person take the stage, their face obscured by a grotesque looking Leopard mask. Elphaba's stomach turned as she noticed a trim of highly realistic looking fur around the mask. Too realistic.

Side conversations dwindled as people noticed the spectacle, and the poet began to speak in a slow, steady voice.

"It's every man's job

As Animals embolden

To make them remember that

Silence is golden."

Elphaba stood so fast the wooden legs of her chair loudly screeched on the floor. "What!?"

There were some shreds of uncomfortable laughter and a few hesitant snaps as the masked poet calmly stepped off the stage.

"Hey!" Elphaba barked as the poet wordlessly began to exit a side door by the stage. "Show your face, you coward! Show it now!"

People snickered at Elphaba's anger, but the poet didn't heed her demands. Perhaps more troubling than the demonstration itself was the tea house full of bystanders quickly returning to business as usual. By the time the door closed behind the masked person, a new poet was already prepping on the stage.

Elphaba looked towards Nessarose, having almost forgotten who she was with, and her shoulders slackened in shame. There she went again, causing a scene. Nessarose's face was sullen and unreadable, which Elphaba took as her cue to leave.

"I'm sorry, Nessa. I'll go. I don't want to embarrass you," Elphaba mumbled under her breath as she grabbed her bookbag off of her chair.

"How do you do that?" Nessarose asked quietly.

"What?"

"Come here."

"But–"

"Come here, Elphaba."

Elphaba obeyed and took her seat again, her throat going dry at the prospect of losing the fragile ground she'd gained with her sister.

"How do you do that? Just stand up and say whatever you think?" Nessarose asked, but with a tone of honest curiosity. "Don't you worry about what people will think of you?"

"People hate me no matter what I do, remember?" Elphaba answered more bluntly than she'd intended. Nessarose winced subtly. "What I mean is, I can't control what people think of me so…I might as well do what's right."

"You said that I found my voice," Nessarose mentioned, nodding towards the stage. "I don't think that's quite right. You found yours a long time ago. I'm still searching for mine."

"You'll find it, Nessa. I know you will," Elphaba said. "You just need to figure out what you think, what you want."

"I'm scared, Elphaba. Nothing seems quite right these days."

Elphaba's gut reaction was to soothe her sister, to assure her that things would be alright. But before her sat a young woman, not a child, and she deserved the truth.

"I'm scared too, Nessa. I'm very, very scared."

Nessarose handed the handkerchief back and as Elphaba put it back into her book bag, the torn letter that'd been taped to her door that morning slid out onto the table.

"What's that?"

"Nothing!" Elphaba gasped. She frantically stashed it back into her bag, crumpling it even more in the process.

"Elphaba," Nessarose raised her eyebrows. "Are you…yes, you are! You're blushing!"

"I'm not blushing, you're blushing," Elphaba returned nonsensically, blowing a loose strand of hair out of her in a flustered manner.

"Elphaba."

Elphaba pinched her lips together tightly as everything came bubbling to the surface, but she couldn't contain the truth for long.

"Fiyero is my pen pal!" Elphaba blurted out.

"Fiyero!? Fiyero Tigelaar–"

"Yes, that Fiyero," Elphaba confirmed desperately before taking a deep breath and launching.

"We've been writing to each other since you and I signed up for the program but we never used our names so I didn't know it was him and he didn't know it was me. Thenwe met in real life and we didn't even like each other because he's so aggravating, Nessa, he really is so aggravating! But we were writing to each other and our writing became kind of, you know, like…romantic, or whatever, and we wrote things that I'm really never ever going to repeat to you because you're my little sister. But in real life he was seeing Glinda and I didn't even like him! So anyway, he writes to me that he wanted us to meet and I didn'twant us to meet but I eventually agreed so we set it up to meet at that cafe–well you know this part you were there–but I chickened out so he asked if we could meet at the OzDust and I said yes and I found out it was him and he found out it was me. Also, Glinda found the letters and thinks we've been having this affair which of course is ridiculous but she's really mad and she set me up and moved out and changed her name to piss me off and now I think Fiyero is looking for me and he left that letter on my door but I'm too scared to read it which is silly because I don't even–"

"Like him?" Nessarose filled in. "Yes, you've said."

Elphaba helplessly slumped her shoulders and leaned down to press her forehead against the table with a muffled groan. "I don't know what to do."

"Elphaba…if Fiyero is looking for you then why are you hiding?" Nessarose asked patiently.

Elphaba sat up and pressed her hands to the sides of her face, a dry lump forming in her throat.

"Because I can't face him, Nessie. I can't face him and I can't read that letter because I know what it must say. He's ashamed of me. Just like Glinda, just like Father…just like you," Elphaba imparted woefully, her hands moving to clutch at her chest. "And…and I just know in my gut that the next time I see him I won't be strong enough to hide how I feel about him."

"And how do you feel about him?" Nessarose prompted softly.

The question lingered in the air for quite some time before Elphaba spoke again.

"That's what I'm afraid to find out."