Chapter Two: Solidarity In Solitude
Entry #1
3652 days until release
It's nine in the morning, leaving me about; 87,991 more hours to go. I've seen others using a tally-marking system to pass the time. Needless to say, that wouldn't be a good fit for me. I wish I could thank whoever remembered to give me something to write on, because otherwise. Well, I could put the madness that would ensure such a bleak reality, but I only have a finite supply of pages, and time ironically enough. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea. I'm sure I'll make up my mind at the end of the day, as for right now? Well, it's about time I got to a proper induction into my world.
It was cold, dark, dank, and that's all just from sleeping upright for about, well, I had no idea how long it had been. All I knew was that it was long enough for the toll of the heavy shackles bound to my wrists and ankles to become very apparent. I'll spare you the same fate I went through, waiting to set foot outside that dreadful van. But I didn't get to just step down like everybody else.
In case no one has told you yet, someone of my stature isn't something a prison is built to, accommodate. So picture my surprise, when I'm meant to wear shackles around my hands and ankles. Why, they're so big that I had to just hop along! As if I didn't have double my body weight planting my face into the floor, repeatedly! And they laughed!Oh, how that guard laughed.
I didn't catch the man's name tag while my face was planted in the cold, cold metal, but once I had acquired some modicum of freedom (and a little dignity), I will not have peace until I find out what that man's name is.
Eventually, the guard got tired of watching me fall on my face over, and over again. And ever so graciously decided to pick me up by one hand and drag my heels by the shackles on my wrists, reducing me to little more than a rag-doll. But hey, at least I can see, not in the direction I'd prefer, but it's a start.
"Mortimer juvenile correction facility," is the name of the labyrinth I now find myself in, white tiles, and steel and glass, dominate the architecture here. Married wistfully with long and winding corridors that are two too long from anywhere you'd need to be. I'd admire the attention to detail with how deep the psychological warfare goes if I wasn't experiencing it first-hand. No wonder so many people go mad in places like this, let alone juveniles.
Speaking of juveniles though, I haven't come across any yet strangely, empty cell after empty cell, not even an echo of human life resided there, well excluding the staff of course.
Naturally, I decided to enquire about the quiet, but. "Uhm, e-excuse me-"
"Do not speak, unless spoken to ma'am," The guard cut off abruptly, his monotone voice echoing down the hallway.
Needless to say, well, it was needless to say anything, I suppose. A bit frustrating, but I made my peace with it until suddenly, he started to back up.
"We're just about there ma'am, that desk there is where we're headed, see?"
He might've been pointing somewhere, but I'm still not sure.
"Uh, yeah, I see it alright," I replied, trying to mask the cloud of confusion.
But I guess I didn't do a very good job, because right after that, he chuckled. "Ah, whoops, forgot you were backwards, hehe,"
Frustratingly, I still couldn't get his name tag even though I could see the very edge of it peaking around his armpit. But at least now I could see what the guard meant by a desk, for there it was, just in front of us, where a surly woman sat. In hindsight, she wasn't that surly, but her pretentious reading glasses didn't leave much room for more, positive conclusions?
Whatever, I arrived, the guard arrived, we both arrived. Patiently waiting for the desk lady's attention, just, staring at her shifting papers and pushing pens.
"Uhm, hello? I got someone here, waiting," the guard pressed.
But the desk lady didn't relent."Just a sec…" The lady murmured, making the guard groan
"Tanya, does this a lot,"
"Huh? Did you say something?" Tanya uttered, only to lock her eyes on me, lighting up in realisation. "Oh! It's you! Yeah, you're Lisa, right? Lisa Loud?"
"The very same, ma'am…" I spoke, barely a mumble, it was so meek.
But even if I said it with pride, Tanya would have lit up all the same. "Wow, y'know I've been following your family's story the whole time, and I'm just in awe of all of it! Y'know with Lucy, and that bully, and your parents? Oh and Leni! Oh my gosh-"
"*Ahem*" The guard cleared his throat, very, loudly, making his impatience with Tanya clear as day.
"Oh, right, anyways, onto your file," Tanya lingered, grabbing a stack of folders, flicking through them like a deck of cards, until her finger stopped dead in the middle, where she pinched a file out from the pile, tossing the rest back from wherever they came.
"Alright so, on other people we would normally have to conduct a cavity search and a strip search, but since you're so small, you're only gonna go through the strip search, lucky you," Tanya informed with a smile.
But I know I sure didn't, and neither did the guard. "Is that everything ma'am?" The guard inquired.
"Actually, there's a couple of things I've got for Lisa," Tanya paused, leaning down and disappearing underneath the desk, only to pop back up with a plastic bag, and a pink leopard-spotted book, complete with a tiny pen.
"These are Lisa's clothes, and a cute little journal, complete with a tiny pen," Tanya revealed, planting them on the desk. "The guard here will take these things for you after the search, so just stand over there for him will you?"
She pointed just over the guard's back, right in the open, in front of the desk. But no! They didn't mind! Nobody minded! And yes, they did do the…
Actually, no, you're resourceful enough to get your hands on this journal, you figure out what the guards did to me. After that, I was dragged back towards the desk, where the guard uttered.
"She's clean."
This seemed to please the desk lady. I say seem because if you were there, you'd see the disappointment in her eyes clear as the bags under my eyes. Regardless, she reached over to the desk, plastic bag and journal in hand.
The guard snatched the handful away, stunning the desk lady.
"Is something wrong?"
The guard was wearing aviators, but I did see the same creases your face makes when you scowl hiding underneath, as he spoke.
"Never, again," the guard replied, snapping away and tugging me along, all the way to my cell in pure, unadulterated silence.
I know that's how guards usually act, but with my guard? It just felt suffocating, and it wasn't just a two-minute stroll. No, I had my bare feet dragged through dozens of cell doors, corridors, and a cafeteria. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention that, yes I was barefoot, for the whole duration. Every tile crack, every grain of concrete, and every piece of stray garbage from the police van to my new home, my heels had to endure all that for the whole duration.
In fact, the journey there was so long, that I had effectively gaslit myself into serendipity.
"Don't worry!" I tell myself. "This is all that you have to go through today, so just, relax, this is the extent of the torment for today it has to be!"
And would ya' believe it? I sure did, even after setting up shop in my new home, receiving my clothes and being locked inside until further notice. I believed it, because really, what could possibly be worse than the feeling in my ankles right now?
The horror of watching your heels swell up in tandem with the waves of pain. As if grotesque hearts beating in each heel. Really, what's going to be worse than that?
I am crying right now, in fact, I have been crying for a while now, and the only way I've managed to put all this to paper was to write something, anything. Unfortunately, I forgot to account for what happens when I catch up on what's been going on. I need to find something to do, something fast.
Because at this rate? I'm not gonna make it, I'm just not.
Entry #2
3649 days until release
I've got nothing else to lose, might as well give poetry a go, hmm. I guess there's no harm in starting simple, let's see now…
Legislation's gone
my wailing ever waning
uhm, school helped me how?
Eh, I'll call that one Hostless hospitality. Alright, now let's try something a bit harder.
Sally was always a puny thing
Cause she was always stepped on a bit too hard
Instilling a hatred for everyone
Even those a foot taller than her
Nevermind people her own size
Concurrently, I don't have much
Envy, for her?
No no, that metaphor's way too obvious, hmm, you think Lucy had these thoughts when she started writing? Well I don't know me, you're asking, well yourself! Let's just do one more, I'd hate to leave things on as weird a note as that.
Many have tried, and many have lied to begin trying
But in these changing times, I find myself…
Lucying, aroun-
Right, time to put the book down me, you've reached your limit of unhinged ramblings for the day, let's try again tomorrow.
Entry #5
3645 days until release
I need friends, I've tried to live vicariously through poetry like Lucy used to do. But I just can't get anything to work! I mean really, check this one out, Boisterous lounging is what it's called.
Belligerent laziness, what an indecipherable curse
To wind, and unwind up and around the clock, truly the masters of their one craft
And yet, the world all over makes it near impossible to peruse
Boisterous is the layman merely a century ago compared to modern loungers
That all being said though, it is for certain that you, and all your friends
Are masters, of boisterous lounging
Now you tell me, if that was bad or not because I can't! I physically cannot tell! I'm in a vacuum- no, an echo chamber, fabricated incidentally by my own masochistic thought cycles! Ever churning, ever revolving, and more than anything else, ever regurgitating! And I do mean that in both senses of the word!
Anyhow, to recap, I need human contact, I don't-
Well, I'd prefer it was positive, but even if it's negative, I could still learn something from that, even if it is treating this place like the quarantine zone it may very well be. Funny thing about saying all that, I've had the idea of merely talking to someone for a little while now. But thanks to my ailments, that wasn't an option. Now it is! And I'll be damned if I don't get to make at least one friend today.
Entry #6
3645 days until release
So, was the search for companionship successful? Well, I'll just have to find out after all this is done.
It all began when I made my first step inside the cafeteria, bright and bushy-tailed as someone without a tail could be. Keep in mind that my optimism should not be conflated as wholly ignorant hope, I knew that even the skinniest string bean of an inmate could deal catastrophic damage to me if they felt inclined.
Thankfully I don't have to risk getting stepped on whilst waiting in line for some "food," as I already have someone bring me the same "food" right through my cell door. So I squeezed through several pairs of hairy legs and began wading through dozens of tables.
I had a very specific set of criteria for the group I wanted an audience with; lean, but not mean, big, but not dumb, or sneaky, but not slimy. If I could find a table with at least one or more of those traits and get to know them, then, and only then, I would consider the search a success. And luckily, I spotted a table all the way in the back of the cafeteria housing two rugged females sitting together, with two empty cafeteria trays sitting before them.
The one on the left had a bronzed complexion with a dishevelled expression matching their overgrown brown afro. And the one on the right was fair-skinned with short black, greasy hair, but wore a silver necklace that stretched underneath her collar. Their stoic boredom seemed so immovable that the Earth itself could not budge those two.
But perhaps with a little subtly I could do what the Earth could not, I thought to myself as I scurried my way atop the table, standing directly adjacent to the duo. I would soon learn that the one on the left staring into her empty lunch tray was "Darcy," and the one on the right staring off to the side with her head resting in her palm was called "Angel."
"Hello," I greeted, grinning the friendliest, toothiest grin I could muster.
"'Sup," Was all that Angel could muster, not even bothering to address me eye-to-eye. But no matter, just a bit more prodding should do it, I thought to myself before continuing.
"Anyways, my name's Lisa,"
"Uhuh," Darcy replied, just as resolved as Angel, leaving me with a tough decision. Should I reveal myself? Now? I mean, honesty is always the first step in a good friendship, right? No no, just delay, delay! Make small talk like a normal person! And so I did.
"So, what are you guys in for?"
"Stole some stuff, punched some dudes, it's a long story," Angel explained.
"And I helped," Darcy added.
"I see," I added, naturally leading to the obvious question.
"So what are you in for Lisa?" Angel questioned, at last turning her head to face me.
"W-what I'm in for?! Well uhm, it's quite the-"
"Long story? Right?" Darcy smirked.
To which I simply conceded, nodding furiously as fear-stricken beads of sweat ran down my face. "Yes, a very long story, ehe," To say I nervously laughed would be a gross understatement. But for some strange reason, the duo seemed to be amused at the sight of me on the verge of a mental collapse.
With Angel stretching a hand out for me. "You look like you could use one of these," she smiled, much to my obvious confusion.
"You mean, your hand?"
"Yeah! You're a wreck! Now shake it already!" Angel, joked? I'm still not sure what she was going for, but despite that, I complied.
"There, you feel better yet?" Angel asked as we concluded the light handshake, in fact, she merely pinched my hand and raised it up and down since my hand was so ill-equipped for a regular shake, I assume.
"I suppose so, erm-"
"Angel, the name's Angel, and she's-"
"Darcy! Hehe, beat ya to it!" Darcy proclaimed.
"Yeah well, whatever," Angel remarked, rolling her eyes playfully, making Darcy chuckle.
All of this to my, obvious shock, I mean, really, did I just do that? Y'know, make a friend? Already? And I didn't even have to- Oh, right, still have to tell them about that. But that could wait for now, I thought to myself, as I had to make one thing absolutely certain.
"So, does this mean that we're uhm, friends?"
Darcy scoffed. "Girls gotta stick together, you feel me?"
"Dar Dar's right, you came to our table, and we didn't chew you out for it, now what does that tell you?"
"I was expecting a simple yes or no, answer if that's alright with you two?" I inquired meekly, to which Angel hummed out loud with a smirk plastered on her face.
"I dunno, what do you think? D'You, like her?"
"Hmm, I'm not sure, the whole nerd aesthetic is throwing me off big time-"
"I-I can be less of a nerd! Really! I-I can be cool, radical even!" I stammered in desperation crossing my arms and striking a pose. "Ya feel me? Dar Dar?" I said… god, why did I say that?
To no one's surprise, the duo burst out laughing, with Angel banging on the table with one hand, and Darcy clutching her sides as she gasped between laughs. Meanwhile, I watched in pure despondence.
"I can't breathe! I literally can't breathe!" Darcy gasped.
"I know! 'I can be less of a nerd! Dar Dar'!" Angel mimicked, wiping a tear from her eye as she wound down. "Oh! You have got to tell us about that long story of yours! Holy cow!"
"Maybe later, so is it a yes or-"
"Yes! Yes, a hundred percentage yes!" Darcy proclaimed.
And at that very moment, the prison bell rang, the guards clanging their batons against steel as they yelled at everyone to leave.
"Ah shit, welp, it was nice meeting you Lis! Same time, same place?" Darcy inquired cheerily, to which I nodded.
But as I did, an idea came to mind. "Actually, you know how you both wanted to know my story?"
"Yeah," They nodded synchronously with great enthusiasm.
"Well, how about this, if you both tell me your stories first, I'll tell you all mine," I bargained.
"Alright, deal! What about you Angie?"
Angel pondered for a moment, squinting her eyes at me, scanning for something, though I couldn't place what. In the end, she concurred. "Sure, I don't see why not," Angel replied.
"Then it's settled! I'll tell the guards about it and one of you will be called to my cell, for a proper interview!" I explained with great vigour, to which they both raised a brow.
"Uhm, the guards?" Angel inquired in confusion.
"Yeah, they're not really the agreeing type, like, at all," Darcy informed, right as the exact kind of guard she was talking about came storming our way.
"Girls! Whadda you's minging about for?! Get to class!" A guard wailed at us, to which the duo frowned at me, brimming with doubt.
"I'll tell you all about it, in time," I informed, somewhat cryptically, looking back I didn't need to be so cryptic, but thanks to the blaring foghorn of a man standing across from us, I didn't really have a choice in what to say.
Now, we have our subjects, my friends, and now I just have to confirm that friendship, and solidify the connection. And what better way to synthesise that than knowing as much about them as possible. I think I'll ask for Darcy first, she seems nice, not that Angel isn't either. In fact, I'd say I got pretty lucky finding them considering what they were talking about with "girls gotta stick together." But I just can't shake the feeling that she dosen't like me...
Entry #8: Interview transcription - Darcy (Content warning; abuse and religion)
3644 days until release
The guard escorting Darcy opened my cell door, revealing her in cuffs. But after clearing her throat loudly, the guard then proceeded to undo her cuffs, right before throwing her inside my cell and slamming it shut. Leaving her with me sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room, diary and pen in hand. It took a moment for me to realise she was even there, until suddenly, there she was, weakly smiling and waving at me before nursing her wrists.
"Ah! You're here! Just sit on the bedside beside me and we'll begin!"
"Alright," Darcy replied in slight discomfort, doing exactly as I asked, sitting cross-legged too. "So, how'd you wanna go about this?"
"Just a simple back-and-forth really, I'll write down everything we say as we go along,"
"So like, should I give an introduction or something, and then we'll get into the questions?"
"That's usually how it works, yes, now! Tell me about yourself, where you begin, and where you end,"
"Well, I'm Darcy, thirteen years of age, and I was sentenced here for two years for 'co-conspiracy,' which means I got lumped in for being friends with Angel, and she got lumped in with another friend of ours who pretty much started the whole thing. She'd be here with us right if it weren't for her parents fighting her lawyers, fighting tooth and nail to clear her name. But both my parents and Angel's were like 'nope! You girls should've known what you signed up for!' And that was that, they just didn't wanna hear it, at least, that's what my parents thought. We've already been here for like, two months now, so we're pretty well adjusted, I think."
"Was it hard fitting in at first?"
"I mean, yeah, the guys would pick on me whenever Angel wasn't there, and sometimes the other girls would too, but it was mostly guys since there's just more of them. Angel had to deal with that too, but she's like, tough, y'know? I-I wasn't like that so, you can see the effect that stuff had on me, all over,"
Darcy paused, pulling the sleeves on her shirt and pants back to reveal horrid scaring all over, her neck and back also suffered a shocking number of strange bite marks and scratches, her fair skin resembling light blue and grey than a healthy skin-tone.
"I-I see," I stammered.
"Yeah, I didn't have nearly as many scarson my body before I came here, now? I just look gross and, yeah…" Darcy frowned, curling herself into a ball. Silence filled the room for a tense minute, before I finally had another question.
"What about jewellery?"
Darcy immediately lit up. "Jewellery? Oh! Y-you mean this?" Darcy proclaimed with enthusiasm, presenting me with the full breadth of her silver cross necklace.
"Oh, so you're a Christian?"
"I try to be," Darcy chuckled. "But yeah, my mom bought this for me on our trip to Jerusalem, got it blessed by a priest there. I wanted to go inside the sepulchre but, no girls allowed! Which is like, a bummer, but rules are rules! Anyways, I used to have earrings to go with this, they were blessed too but, I dunno where they went."
"Does it work?"
Darcy cocked her head in confusion, "The necklace? Well," Darcy paused, fidgeting with her necklace as she pondered. "I mean, I hope it does, otherwise… no, no it definitely works,"
"Then what are those scars doing there?"
"..."
"Darcy? Did I, strike a nerve?"
"No no, I'm just thinking…"
"Okay then, take your time," I comforted, leaving Darcy to her thoughts for a good while, I let her sit and think to herself, like the statue of the same name. Until I got sick of waiting for an answer, and so, I began to pry.
"Darcy, how much is god really worth to you?"
"It's either that or nothing, Lisa,"
"And what's so bad about nothing?"
Darcy froze, "What's so bad?" Darcy rose from the bedside, leering over me. "About nothing? Lisa, do you realise what you just said?" Darcy spouted, with tears starting to well up in her eyes.
"I'm confident I do,"
"Well then let me rephrase your question, what's so bad about hopelessness? About nothing mattering? No, I don't buy that," Darcy finished with a sniffle, sitting back down on my bedside meekly.
Much to my astonishment. "But, that's not what I meant, you could still have hope amidst-"
"No Lisa, it doesn't matter what you do if, at the end of the day, it'll all just disappear, with no point being there in the first place…"
"Is that what you really think of yourself?"
"What?" Darcy snapped.
"That if someone doesn't hand destiny on a platter to you, you won't even bother? No, I don't buy that,"
"That's not what I mean,"
"Well then what do you mean? Darcy?"
"I dunno! Maybe mattering to someone is too much to ask! Maybe! Wouldn't be the first time somebody told me that," Darcy paused, curling herself back into the sullen ball she was before, starting to weep softly.
"I just want to matter,"
I paused, as I didn't really have anything to counter this time, all I could do was watch her sulk. Feeling a little sullen myself, I took a seat beside her on the bedside.
"Lisa, do you think you matter?" Darcy questioned weakly.
I paused, my mouth agape for an answer that never came, so I just sighed. "I don't think I'll matter for a long time,"
Darcy sniffled, wiping her nose with her sleeve. "What do you mean? *Sniff,* you're a genius!"
"A, a genius? Well I-"
"I know who you are Lisa, everybody does *sniff,* not many four-year-olds get arrested," Darcy smirked.
"Hmph, so you know what I've done already? My story?"
"Nothing beyond what everybody else knows, it's probably why no one's picked on you yet, in case you were wondering about that," Darcy smirked.
"Yeah, nobody…" I answered with a nervous smile, not sure if I should indulge. Fortunately, Darcy made the choice for me when she said something weird.
"Do you think that it's, bad, that I believe in God?"
For a full minute, all I did was sit there, static, only to shake my head. "I, no it's, good, it's something to hold onto,"
"But you obviously don't believe in that kinda stuff, right?" Darcy questioned me.
"Yeah, I guess,"
"Well then, what do you hold onto?"
"..."
"Lis?" Darcy uttered, but I couldn't even begin to move, let alone respond. I saw her waver her hand in my face, but it felt like I was a TV screen, input, output, that's what life felt like to me at that moment, nothing more, and nothing less.
"I'm just gonna go now, if that's okay with you? Lisa?"
"Yeah, you can go now," I answered with a blank nod, to which I heard Darcy trotting towards the door, knocking on it twice. But just before she departed, she turned back to face me.
"Uhm, yeah, see you tomorrow?"
"Yeah, tomorrow," I uttered, as she left the room, leaving me to finish off writing these very words. All this time, all those experiments and tests and lectures, and all those chances to spend time with others that I blew off for study, and above all how I condemned Lucy to-
The court, Lori, that was today, wasn't it?
I'm a fucking moron…