Fili (Ered Luin- Middle Earth)

It was still raining but he no longer felt it. He just felt cold and empty. It was as if someone had plunged a knife deep into his gut and twisted, wrenching his soul apart. Fili trudged heavily through the sinking mud. His brother's blood-covered bow clenched in a white knuckle grip. He couldn't think. It was like he was untethered and lost. A sob tore its way out of his throat. He'd searched for hours but he found no sign of Kili.

It was dark now and the clouds formed a blanket, ready to suffocate him. As the entrance to the mountain came into sight, Fili was swarmed by dwarves. They all spoke at once. A cacophony of voices that Fili could neither hear nor distinguish. He stood there pale as a ghost and covered in blood. The dwarves quickly bundled him inside. Fili didn't pay attention to where they were taking him. Simply moved his feet one in front of the other.

Before he knew it, he had been guided to the royal chambers. When he realised where he was his heart started racing and his breathing quickened. Oh Mahal, he could not tell Amad. It would break her.

He was guided into his front room by Dwalin. His hand was tight on Fili's shoulder and he tried to use that to anchor himself to the here and now. A fire roared in the hearth, throwing long shadows across the floor. Thorin stood in front of it. It was clear he had been pacing.

"What happened?" Thorin asked, his usual stoic expression breaking.

His amad, who had been behind Thorin, then pushed her way past and ran to embrace Fili.

"Oh Fili you had me worried sick," Dis then looked up at Fili, noticing the specks of blood on his face.

Her eyes went wide and she reached up a hand to Fili's face "What happened?" then she looked around and suddenly became more panicked. "Where's your brother?"

Fili shattered at her words. His numb exterior cracked and a sob broke through "Amad," his voice cracked. He reached for her and held on as if she was the only thing stopping him from being washed away.

Thorin was there then, his strong voice grounding Fili. "Fili, tell us what happened"

And he did.

Amad collapsed to the ground. Her cries sounded as if she had a hand wrapped around her throat, a strangled noise as if she could barely breathe.

Thorin sprung into action immediately. Ordering dwarves around, organising search parties. Fili could no longer hear what was going on around him. The roaring of blood in his ears was too loud. It was as if he was below water.

Was he drowning?

With each passing day, the hope of finding Kili dwindled. After that first night, Fili became more resolved. He refused to feel the insurmountable pain he felt inside. Pushing it down until he could function normally again. He would find his brother, any other outcome was unthinkable. Kili hadn't been found dead or alive so there was still hope, no matter how small it was, that he was out there somewhere. And he couldn't find his brother if he let the pain swallow him up.

Thorin sent patrols out to scout the area where Kili fell. No other wargs or orcs had been seen. Meaning that the one on the cliff had been a lone warg. What kind of cruel twist of fate was it to be attacked by the only warg for fifty miles?

Fili joined as many patrols as his uncle would allow him. He'd scream until his voice went hoarse. But still, there was no sign of his brother.

The rain had eased off after the first couple of days. However, because of those downpours, all traces of anything seemed to have washed away. No footprints or tracks. There didn't seem to be anything other than the body of the warg. It was taken away and burned after that first day. There should have been something though. That was what was driving Fili insane. After a fall like that Kili shouldn't have been able to get up for some time. And if he did manage to, why did he disappear? Why not seek Fili out? Something wasn't right.

Today had yielded the same results as all the others. When he arrived back home, he pushed the door open and swung his sword off his back with a grunt. He placed it on a rack by the door before continuing into the rooms.

His room was right next to Kili's and as he went to walk past he saw that the door to Kili's bedroom was ajar. Fili tried to peer through the gap and could see the vague hint of a shadow. Gently he pushed the door open to reveal his Amad, curled up on Kili's bed. One of Kili's shirts was clutched in her hands, tight to her chest. She must have fallen asleep at some point.

Fili didn't have the heart to wake her up. He did however take one of Kili's blankets and drape it around her. Hopefully, it would keep the chill off of her while she slept. It could get quite cold inside a mountain.

Silently, Fili exited the room, closing the door softly behind him. He was about to proceed to his own room when he heard a noise from the front room. Upon investigating he saw that it was his Uncle. He had his hands clasped tightly behind his back.

"Any news?" Fili asked, hopefully.

Thorin shook his head with a sombre look in his eyes "No, not yet. But that's not why I'm here."

Fili raised his eyebrows, confused.

Thorin took a deep breath to steady himself and then levelled his gaze at Fili. "It's about the quest."

Fili's pulse jumped and his stomach clenched. He had a bad feeling about this.

"With everything that has happened," Thorin continued "I can't allow you to join the company."

Fili felt sick. He couldn't do that. He had to go. Did Thorin think he wasn't competent enough? Because he wasn't fast enough to Kill that warg?

Because he wasn't fast enough to save Kili?

Maybe he wasn't worthy enough to go.

Could he protect a whole company if he couldn't protect his baby brother?

"But Uncle," Fili started.

"No!" Thorin shouted, then he took a deep breath and his stoic demeanour returned. "No Fili, this is for your Amad's sake. She couldn't handle losing anybody else right now. If you left for the quest,1 it could really hurt her."

His tone left no room for argument. Fili was not going on the quest for Erebor.

Leah (England-Earth)

Several weeks flew by and Kili was getting more acclimated to life on Earth. After the sixth week, Kili finally got to have his cast off. Which he was immensely grateful for. Apparently, it had begun to itch like nobody's business and Kili had threatened to cut his own arm off. A bit dramatic if you ask me. Kili was terrified by the saw but managed to make it through until the cast was completely off. He was incredibly happy to be able to move both of his arms freely once again.

I introduced him to many different foods. Pizza seemed to be the biggest hit so far. I think the combination of cheese, bread and meat really sold it for him. He tried other foods too. Some were more of a success than others. As a household, we tended to forgo meat a few days a week. It's supposed to be healthier that way. Much to Kili's chagrin. Kili hadn't been a fan of some of the vegetarian meals we had made for him. He kept insisting that they weren't real food. I did manage to get him to eat some of the meals though. Forgetting to inform him of the lack of meat seemed to do the trick quite nicely.

Kili did like helping out with the cooking. Which I was quite happy about. Also surprised, I didn't expect a prince to want to help out with preparing food. When I asked him about it, he told me that his Amad never actually treated them like royalty and that he and his brother would get chores to do. His chores would more often than not be peeling vegetables. Apparently, it was better than cleaning, which he made Fili do.

Over time as Kili's wounds healed he started to train with his sword. Being unable to for so long he was scared that he would be out of practice. Mum had caught him in the garden once when his cast was still on and his stitches hadn't quite healed. She chastised him pretty hard and told him he wasn't allowed to train until he was fully healed. Kili hadn't been best pleased.

Now he was fully healed he was free to swing his sword around with reckless abandon if he so pleased. That's what he was doing at that moment. I was in my room talking to Anika on the phone and I could see him in the garden below. I may have been staring. It was mesmerising to watch.

"Did you hear what I just said?" Anika's voice came through my phone.

"Hmm, what?" I mumbled, still looking out of the window.

"I said, I'm thinking of leaving my hair natural for a bit."

"Oh right yeah that sounds good," I said.

Kili seemed to be winding down now. His swings became slower and less powerful.

"Might try some faux locs afterwards. Ooh maybe pink," she said.

"Pink would be good," I hummed and reached for the mug of tea resting on my window sill. Kili had stopped his training now. Sweat made his shirt cling to his body in an almost mesmerising way. I only managed a few sips of tea before I nearly choked on the liquid. Kili had decided that it was the perfect moment to take his shirt off.

I felt my mouth go dry and my face heated at the sight. God damn, that should be illegal. I was suddenly hyper-aware of the dwarf in front of me. He was barrel-chested with defined muscles. There was a good amount of hair dusting his chest and arms. My heartbeat quickened. Apparently, I was quite a fan of chest hair. He also had a trail of hair that led down to–

No. No. Not gonna think about that.

I turned away from the window, hand rubbing down my face. Purer thoughts, I needed some purer thoughts. Kittens. Rainbows. Our lord and saviour Jesus Christ. Anything to take my mind off those perfect abs.

"Holy shit," I whispered, "That shouldn't be allowed."

"What, what happened?" said Anika, sounding intrigued.

"There is a shirtless dwarf in my garden," I said, insistently.

I peeked back outside and saw that he was still there. He had started to wipe the sweat off his body with the shirt. It was completely obscene.

"Is he fit?"

"Let's just say I'm struggling to look directly at him," I said.

"You should send me a picture," Anika said.

"No, you perv, I'm not sending you a picture," I said, turning away from the window.

"How am I the perv when you're ogling him from your window?" she laughed.

"I'm not ogling," I whispered forcefully.

I was merely looking out of my window. Enjoying the view. It's not my fault that a half-naked dwarf happened to be outside. I turned back towards the window and peered down. Kili had now stopped and was looking upwards towards my window. I made a high-pitched squealing noise and dropped to my knees. Oh shit, did he see me.

I reached up on my knees, slowly, so that only my eyes and nose were visible through the window. Cautiously, I glanced out of the window. Kili had indeed seen me. The boy had a wide grin on his face and was waving at me.

Surrendering to my embarrassment, I waved back.

Soon my second year of university came to a close. There would be three months of respite before I had to return there. Third year probably wouldn't be fun at all. I pushed it into the back of my mind and refused to think about it.

With my term coming to an end, so did everyone else's. Anika moved back home for the summer and my other friends from college moved back too. Most of my other friends had moved away to different universities. We kept in contact via group chats but we hadn't seen each other in a while. They decided that we should all meet up together and catch up. We were just going to go to the local pub and have a few drinks. Nothing too big.

Even though it was supposed to be a friends' reunion, I wanted Kili to come too. I'm sure my friends wouldn't mind too much. Decision made I walked over to Kili's bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and I pushed it open to reveal Kili at a desk, looking very focused on what he was doing. Swatches of leather laid out in front of him and he was measuring it with some kind of metal tool. He had been very excited about buying them when we went into a craft store one time. Apparently, he was quite good at leatherwork.

I knocked on the open door. Kili spun around quickly, eyes widening when he saw me. He then proceeded to hurriedly push things away from him, as if he got caught doing something he shouldn't. Then he leaned his elbow against the desk and rested his chin on it.

"That wasn't suspicious at all," I said sarcastically.

"I'm not suspicious. Who said anything about suspicious?" he said.

I narrowed my eyes at him but decided not to push him more.

"A group of my old college friends wanted to meet up tonight," I said, hand tracing the patterns on the door frame. "Would you like to come with me?"

Kili didn't take long to reply, "Of course, I would," he said with a smile.

I helped him choose something less conspicuous to wear. A blue, button-up shirt and his one pair of black trousers. He raised an eyebrow at me when I told him to tuck the shirt in and roll the sleeves up.

"Just do it," I urged.

Kili didn't make a move to do anything "Why would I need to do that?"

I reached for one of his arms and started to roll the sleeves up myself. Do I have to do everything around here? Kili just let me do my thing. I rolled both sleeves up so that they were semi-neat.

"I'm not tucking your shirt in for you," I said, levelling a look at him.

Kili merely smirked "Why not? you've done everything else"

I told him to shut up and he reluctantly followed my instructions. Mumbling about how he couldn't see how it would make a difference. When he was finished, he spread his arms out so I could see the whole look.

"Happy now," he said.

God Damn. The shirt was moulded to his body perfectly. With it tucked in you could see just how muscular he was. I don't know why but rolling the sleeves up just made the look even better. This dwarf was too attractive for his own good.

After a while, I realised that I had been staring and that I hadn't actually replied to him. When I looked back up at him, he had the biggest grin on his face.

"It's adequate," I mumbled, looking away.

We arrived at the pub a little after 7. Most of my friends were already there. They'd managed to snatch the big table in the corner. I sat down next to Anika and Kili sat down next to me. Close, almost shoulder to shoulder. I pressed my side into his for comfort whenever he looked a little uncomfortable.

Once everyone arrived, we got a round of drinks in. Anika and I ended up with cocktail pitchers. Kili tried some beer but by the look on his face, it wasn't a good choice. He mumbled something about this world having awful taste in ale. I gave him some of my cocktail to shut him up. The beer may be bad but a purple rain never will.

My friends took to Kili quite well, which made me happy. When he would occasionally say something that didn't quite make sense most of them just rolled with it. It's not as if our friend group never said anything that didn't make sense. Speaking of, Francis was currently talking about something weird.

"Right guys, concept" he had his hands up in the air to cement his point "An ice cream van where the song only plays when it's travelling over 30 miles per hour".

"What so like when it's speeding down a road everyone can hear but then it's already gone?" Said Josh, eyebrows raised.

"Exactly," said Francis, a stupid grin on his face.

I decided to add my own input "Danger cream."

Everyone started laughing but Josh put his head in his hands.

"Please for the love of god never say that again," he said from his hands.

"Hey, you can't censor her," Anika said, having my back.

"Yeah, you can't censor me," I laughed.

Kili gave me a confused look and it made me laugh more. I patted his arm and told him not to worry about it. Looking down, I realised that my drink was empty. I leaned down towards Kili and asked him if he wanted to share the next one. He agreed wholeheartedly, not wanting to chance another beer.

Everyone else still had some drinks left so I got up on my own and made my way over to the bar. One side was full of rowdy men, all jostling each other as they spoke, as if they had to shake their conversation partner to get their point across. One strayed too close to me, nearly spilling his half-drunk pint down my dress. I just about avoided the liquid, skipping backwards and decided to go to the other end of the bar.

Just as I was about to approach a bartender, I felt a tight grip on my arm and I was yanked to the side. Panic sprung up and I struggled to wrench myself free but the bastard held strong. When I saw who was holding me, I stopped moving.

"Ethan?" I asked, shakily.

He towered above me, over 6ft tall, with strongly blonde hair and gangly limbs. Even so, he had surprising strength. His grip started to hurt.

My ex-boyfriend. One I would prefer to forget ever existed. Originally, he had been part of our friend group. He was funny and kind, at least I thought he was. But as soon as we started going out, he began to show his true colours. The arguing, the jealousy. I finally realised what kind of person he was when he got angry at me for refusing to sleep with him. Apparently, because we were dating, I was obliged to lose my virginity to him. Ethan disgusted me and I hated to admit it but I was also scared of him.

"Let go of me," I hissed through my teeth, trying to yank my arm away from him.

He finally let me go. Raising both hands up in a very sarcastic 'I didn't do anything wrong' kind of way. "I was only saying hello Leah," his voice slurred.

He was drunk. It wasn't even 8 o'clock yet. What the fuck.

"I saw you with that…guy," he said "You were all cosying up together."

Obviously, he meant Kili. Ethan already knew everyone else at the table and Kili was the person I was sitting closest to. I looked around trying to catch the eye of anyone. No one was really looking. From this angle, you couldn't see my table either. I felt sick. I just wanted to get away. Surreptitiously, I started to back away from him but that only made him more angry. Ethan stormed over to me, grabbing both my arms and leaning into my face. I could smell the putrid mix of spirits and bile on his breath.

"Fuck Off, Ethan!" I yelled trying to push him away.

"So is he your new boyfriend?"

There was a mad look in his eye. A wild determination that made me certain he was capable of hurting me and feeling no remorse. Panic fanned a flame within me, from a prickling spark to a burning pyre in seconds. I needed to get away and fast. With gritted teeth, I kicked out at him, aiming for where it hurts. But the bastard was too tall and my knee only glanced the meaty part of his thigh.

The unexpected force of it managed to stagger him though, enough to stumble back a step. Just as he stepped back, he was pushed bodily out of the way and into a wall.

Kili was there, looking angrier than I'd ever seen him. Tendons in his jaw twitched as he clenched his teeth and bared his fists. I nearly cried in relief at the sight of him.

"I don't know who the fuck you are but I think you should leave," Kili said through gritted teeth. I think it was the first time I'd heard Kili swear.

Ethan recovered, pushing himself off the wall and looking even angrier. He swayed back over to us. I flinched and took an uncertain step backwards. Kili pushed me behind him and squared up to the leering Ethan. The height difference was almost comical, Kili barely came to Ethan's chest. But one look at the pair and you could tell who was more dangerous.

Ethan had never been particularly observant however and his ego did not allow him to believe anyone could best him. He leaned down into Kili's face and laughed "So this is him then, some sort of midget."

"I have already told you once. If I have to tell you to leave again, you will not like the consequences I assure you." Kili's voice was a deadly whisper. A drastic contrast to his usual happy disposition. It made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Remind me never to get on the wrong side of Kili.

"'You will not like the consequences'. Where did you find this freak, Leah?" Ethan mocked, crowding Kili and getting in his face. When Kili made no move to back away, Ethan straightened back up to his full height. "Tell me, midget. Does she let you fuck her? Or are you too short to reach her cu-"

Kili struck out with incredible speed. A full-footed kick straight to the place I had missed earlier. A high-pitched whine left Ethan like the sound of a deflating balloon and he went down like a bag of rocks.

But Kili was not finished. Ethan fell to his knees, mouth open in a silent scream. As soon as he was at eye level, Kili slammed his head into Ethan's face. I heard a distinctive crunch and Ethan collapsed to the ground. His nose bent unnaturally to the right and a stream of blood spilt over his lips. Spots of it dotted Kili's forehead from where he had gotten caught in the spray of it.

"Come on," Kili wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me away as fast as he could.

Anika appeared in front of us, our coats in hand looking alarmed. "We need to go now. I think a security guard is coming."

So all three of us hurriedly made our way outside. We walked a couple of streets to put distance between the pub and us. But the distance wasn't enough. I could still feel the crawling hands of panic holding me in a vice-like grip. My breath hitched once, twice and my composure broke entirely.

"Hey, hey don't cry. He is not worth your tears," Kili said.

He opened his arms as an invitation and I fell into them, wrapping my arms around him as tightly as I could. I buried my face in his shoulder, my tears soaking into the fabric of his shirt.

Why did that have to happen? I was having a good time. Why did Ethan have to be such a disgusting prick?

I could hear Kili saying something to comfort me but I couldn't quite understand the words. Anika and Kili rubbed my back in comforting circles. After a few moments of ugly crying, my breath started to even out and I felt like I could think straight again. I lifted my head up from Kili's shoulder and gave him a weak thank you.

"Who was that man Leah and why was he hurting you?" Kili implored.

I didn't want to say it, didn't want even to say his name again. Anika thankfully came to my rescue.

"His name is Ethan and he's the biggest Dickhead ever. He used to be her boyfriend." Anika said, disgust evident in her voice.

Kili's eyebrows drew together "You used to court him?"

"I wouldn't call it that," I said, wobbly.

"Yeah he was nice, to begin with but then he started getting creepy and demanding she have sex with him. He's like a fucking incel or something," Anika spat.

Kili's mouth turned down in disgust. He seemed to be unable to form a sentence mouth opening and closing. "I've never heard of someone treating a female that way. It's repulsive. If anyone ever treated a dwarrowdam like that they'd lose their head."

That was comforting to hear. At least dwarves treated women well.

"Thank you, Kili. You have no idea how grateful I am for what you did," I said

"Also," I said, a small smile pulling at the corners of my mouth, "I think that was one of the most badass things I've ever seen."

When I woke up the next day, I saw that a big bruise had started to develop on my right arm, where Ethan's hand had dug in. You could see imprints of fingers like he had left some kind of sick claim on me. Nausea coiled low in my gut at the sight of it.

How dare he do that to me? How dare he think he had the right to touch me?

I wanted this never to happen again. I'm so happy that Kili was there to come to my rescue but he won't always be around. Relying on others would only get me so far. There would be times when I was alone and scared and vulnerable and I would need to defend myself. If I knew how to fight, maybe I could have fought Ethan off on my own. Maybe I wouldn't feel so weak.

Kili had taken him down with such ease, it was a marvel to behold. His movements spoke of training and lots of it. Training he might be able to teach me.

I made my way over to his door and knocked on. It took a few moments but eventually, he opened the door, yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Leah, what can I do for you?" said Kili, tiredness still evident in his voice.

"I was wondering," I said, my thumb worrying the palm of the other hand "Could you, maybe, teach me some self-defence?"

His eyebrows rose slightly "Like fighting?"

I nodded back at him. Kili's hand drew up to his face and rubbed his chin. "I'm not sure if I'd be the best teacher I've never had to teach someone before," he said.

I looked away, a little downtrodden. "It's okay," I mumbled.

"No, no, don't worry I'll do it," he said quickly "I'll help you as much as I can."

I looked back up at him and smiled "Thank you so much Kili"

Both of us ended up outside in the garden. I don't think Mum would have appreciated it if I slam-dunked Kili into a settee or broke a coffee table.

That was probably too ambitious if I was being honest with myself. Maybe one day I'll be able to successfully slam dunk someone, but probably not this day.

I found some gym gear at the bottom of my wardrobe, a pair of sports leggings and a shirt made out of breathable fabric. Perfect for manoeuvrability…and making my ass look incredible. Kili raised his eyebrows at my ensemble but he didn't make a comment. He did however comment on the bruise that had formed on my arm.

"Is that from yesterday?" he asked, hand ghosting over the bruise.

Shame burned through me and I pulled my arm away from him, covering the injury with my hand. I knew Kili would not judge me for it, but the idea of him looking at it made me feel ill.

"I can't believe he did that to you. That spineless, beardless, Abrâfu shaikmashâz!" Kili spat, angry enough that Khuzdul was slipping out.

I had no idea what it meant but it sounded like an insult. It made me want to learn some dwarven insults. I bet they had some good ones.

"That's the reason I want to learn how to fight properly," I said, trying to calm him. "Then one day I'll be able to kick his ass."

We started out by doing a few simple punches. A pillow was used in place of one of those pad things that you're supposed to use. Kili would hold up the pillow for me to hit. He would then critique my punches, correcting my position, my stance, or the speed I moved my fists.

Next, he tried to teach me how to get out of holds. Kili grabbed my wrist tightly in his hand.

"Right now try and get out of my grip," He said, smoothly.

I started pulling my hand away. Gritting my teeth. No matter how hard I pulled, I couldn't pull my arm away. I let out a frustrated growl. Kili laughed at that and let my hand go.

"Try it on me," He said, offering his hand out.

"Alright then," I said, grabbing his arm by the wrist.

My hand didn't quite fit around it. Damn my small hands. Even so, I gripped it as tightly as I could. I nodded to Kili signalling him to start. With one simple movement of his arm, he broke free from my grip.

"That's not fair," I made a face at him, "My hands are too small."

Kili laughed "Stop making a sad face Leah. It's not because of your small hands. It's a technique. Here let me show you."

He picked my wrist back up. "It doesn't matter how big my hand is. You can still get out of this hold."

I looked at where he held my arm, waiting for him to continue.

"Right now move your wrist and line up your thumb with where mine is."

I did as he said with a little effort. "Like that?" I asked.

"Yes exactly, now pull your arm towards your chest quickly."

It worked! My wrist slid out of his grip and I stumbled backwards a little. I may have given a little victory 'woohoo'.

"You see, where my thumb and finger are is the weakest point so if you pull that way you can break the hold," he explained.

These little training sessions became a new regular thing. I was excited to learn self-defence and Kili seemed very happy to teach me. He taught me many different things. At one point he even got his dagger out and gave me some pointers on knife skills. He told me the best way to stand and how to throw my weight behind a strike. While it was fun to practice, the thought of having to use a knife made me very uneasy.

One time Kili asked me to try and knock him down. My first attempt consisted of just trying to shove him. But the dwarf didn't move at all. It was like he was cemented to the ground.

"Damn your low centre of gravity," I groaned as I tried to shoulder him down.

Kili laughed at my attempts. Then he hooked a leg behind my knees and knocked me to the ground. The fall knocked some of the air out of me and I made an 'oof' noise as I hit the floor. Kili squatted down next to me, with a smile on his face.

"What did I say about your balance?" he smirked.

"I know, I know," I said. He had been trying to drill it into my head.

Then I pushed him, wiping the grin off his face as he tumbled backwards onto the ground next to me.

Another time he taught me how to get out of a chokehold from behind. He came up very close behind me. I could feel the heat of his body and his breath tickling against my neck. A shiver ran up my spine and I momentarily forgot what I was supposed to be doing.

"Right, what do you do if someone grabs you from behind?" He said, his breath ghosting over my ear.

"Uh, what. Oh, I don't know," he was making it very difficult to concentrate. I laughed nervously. "Wack out my sick karate moves. They'll be so amazed they just drop–AHH."

Kili wrapped both arms around my torso and picked me up. It was as if I weighed absolutely to him. My back was crushed against his very toned chest.

"You were talking too much," he said. I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Fine, fine you made your point," I said.

He gently placed me back on my feet.

"And anyway that wasn't a chokehold that was more like a bear hug," I told him, smugly.

He gave me a look before continuing with what he was originally trying to teach me.