XLIV:

Annie, as usual, was the first one up in the morning. She fumbled with the doorknob on her parents' bedroom door and got it open, then padded over to the bed in her princess jammies and whispered, "Papi? You 'wake?"

"Are you awake because the sun is awake or are you awake because you had a bad dream?" Rafael grumbled, pulling his pillow over his face.

"The sun is 'wake, papi, and so's my tummy." Annie tugged up the edge of the pillow and peered at him with her big eyes. "You seepy?"

He was beyond sleepy, but he fought his weariness and irritation back at seeing 6:12 on the bedside clock – why was their daughter such a fucking morning person? – and instead grabbed her into a big bear hug that had her squealing with joy. "Not anymore, mija," Rafael said with a smile, giving her a big kiss.

"Liar," Liv accused from her side of the bed where she was still sprawled on her belly, looking deliriously exhausted. "Good morning, Annie."

"Hi, momma," the little girl chirped. "Wanna kissy?"

"Only if you come here," Liv teased. Rafael released his hold on the squirming little girl and she immediately dove across the blankets to give Liv a hug and kiss good morning. He watched with a pang of love in his heart at the sweet interaction, made a little bittersweet by the knowledge that it was only because of Connie's sacrifice that they had Annie and Little Bean at all. He shook it off and said, "Who wants pancakes?"

"Are you going to get up and make them?" Olivia countered with a low chuckle and a tired smile.

"With Annie's help? Absolutely," he replied, stifling a yawn. "Mija, let me go potty first and you cuddle with mami, then we'll go see if Noah wants to help."

"He's still seepin'," Annie sighed, more than slightly put out. "The sun is up."

Liv laughed and gave her a kiss. "Silly girl, sometimes people need to sleep a little bit more in the mornings. Momma and papi were up very late last night."

"Why?" Annie asked.

"Because big people stuff," Rafael replied, hauling his tired bones out of bed and stretching everything with a few pops. "And you were asleep like a good girl, so you can grow big and strong."

Annie pouted. "No fair."

Liv tugged on one of her ringlets. "Hey, I want you to be smart and strong and powerful," she said softly. "So lots of good food and exercise and sleep, little one."

The little girl made another face, then buried her face in Liv's shoulder. "Kay," she mumbled.

"She's your kid," Liv shot at Rafael.

He grinned back. "Till she rolls over like you," he teased, ducking into the bathroom before she could throw something at him. He did his business, then emerged to see his girls cuddled up on the bed watching some ungodly cartoon or another. "Pancakes or waffles, mija?"

"Pancakes," Annie said quickly, scooting off the bed and joining him on the floor with a thump. "Ow."

"Careful," he warned. "That's higher than you think." He held her hand and winked at Liv. "Should we make blueberry pancakes?"

"Ooooh, yes peas," Annie said eagerly. "C'mon, papi!" She tugged on his hand and all but dragged him out of the bedroom. "Momma wuvs 'em."

"She does, doesn't she?" Rafael said with a small smile. "Come on, sweetness, let's go make breakfast." He followed his daughter's lead and found himself in the kitchen. "What do we need, Annie?"

"We need some bwoobewwies," she said, climbing up onto her barstool at the counter and sitting down. "An' some cakies. An' some 'gwedients. It's a big secwet! Den we mix it up an' cook 'em on da stove an' put wots of butter."

"You know, it's a good thing you're so cute," he said, tapping her on the nose and making her giggle. "Because you're very silly."

"Momma says I'm jus' wike you, papi," Annie said. "But she's awways mad when she says so."

"Well, I'll tell you a secret, if you can keep it," he said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "You might be an awful lot like me when you annoy your momma," Rafael teased gently, "but you are every bit your momma's little girl – brave, strong, and fearless. And I would never want you any other way, Annie."

The little girl smiled, then said, "I'm hungwy."

"Okay, okay," he acquiesced, "let's hurry up the pancakes – big bowl time." Rafael did his usual Saturday morning dance (some rituals were worth having, and Saturday morning breakfasts with the kids were every bit his time), pulling down a large stainless steel mixing bowl from one of the cabinets, along with a box of pancake mix (he wasn't above taking shortcuts because there had been one too many measuring incidents gone wrong), oil, some spices, and he retrieved eggs, milk, the jar of applesauce and the pint of blueberries from the fridge. He got everything but the berries measured and into the bowl and looked over at his squirming child, then quirked a smile. "Ready?" Rafael asked.

"My turn?" Annie asked. Rafael scooped her up and held her so she could help mix everything together in the bowl. Eventually, she sighed and said, "It's not goin' no more, papi. You do it." He shifted her onto his hip and finished mixing the batter, humming while he did. "Yay!" Annie said.

"Now, you need to set the table while I cook the pancakes," Rafael said. "Can you do that?"

"One pwate, one fowk, one spoon," Annie said, holding up two fingers and her thumb, counting them off awkwardly.

"Very good," he said, nodding. "I'll get them for you." They had taken to using plastic plates and basic silverware while the kids were learning to do things, so everything was child safe. They only ever brought out the nice things anymore for company. So while the griddle warmed up, he got down a stack of brightly colored plastic plates and glasses, and some forks and spoons. He watched Annie carefully walk around the table, putting a plate in each place – five in total, and then a spoon and fork with each plate. She came back up to his side, bouncing. "You set the table, sweetheart?"

"Yes," the little girl replied so solemnly that it made him chuckle.

"Do you want to go upstairs and see if Lucy and your brother want pancakes?" he asked.

"Okay!" Annie yelped, tearing off excitedly.

Liv appeared in the doorway, a smirk on her lips. "Someone's got an awful lot of energy this morning," she remarked wryly. "I wish we could siphon some of it off –"

"No kidding," Rafael chuckled. "I don't think I ever had that much energy."

"Hot stuff, you're like a terrier with a bone in court," she teased. "Give you an inch and you're practically vibrating like that squirrel in Ice Age." Her smile wavered. "Fin called. They've got a suspect in custody so I'm going to need to go in and supervise the interrogation."

He flipped the pancakes, watched them fluff up. "Are you okay? I mean, really. Not what you tell everyone else to keep the peace. All of this coming up now… at once."

She inhaled deeply, shrugged. "Elliot made choices. I made choices. I've had to deal with the consequences. So will he. I have you…" Liv's voice broke on the word, and he paused in adding berries to the next batch of pancakes on the griddle. "I have you and the kids, Rafa. And the squad. Mami. Rita, Casey. We're a family. That's what matters."

Annie came racing back into the kitchen. "Momma! You want pannycakes?"

"You know I do," Liv replied, scooping the little girl up into her arms. "Let's get the butter and syrup and a knife, pequeño."

Noah slunk into the room a minute later with Lucy on his heels; both were still groggy and in their pajamas. Noah grabbed a glass from the table and immediately went to get some milk. Lucy made a beeline for the coffee pot.

Rafael quirked a brow at the nanny. "You okay?" he asked.

"Annie didn't want to go to bed last night," Lucy grumbled. "Ended up sleeping in my bed finally at like, I dunno, like midnight? And she still got up early."

"Yeah, sorry about that – she's got my bad sleeping genes," he said with a sigh. "Ask Liv: I very rarely sleep all the way through the night. It's gotten better as we've gotten older, but… mostly because the job and the kids wear me out and I'm doing the equivalent of mental and physical gymnastics."

"And you're having another kid?" Lucy said, quirking a brow.

"I know. Folly, right?"

"Utter insanity."

"I mean, it's what we always wanted," he said with a small smile, watching Liv get the kids settled in with the first rounds of pancakes, carefully buttering them and putting on just the right amount of syrup. "A family of our own."

"You guys are the best parents," Lucy said, sipping her coffee.

"Kinda comes from having shit parents for examples of what not to do," he said with a sad chuckle. "But anyway. Pancake, kid?"

"Sure," Lucy replied with a grin, taking the plate he offered with two hot, fresh pancakes on it.

Once the kids were settled and eating, Liv came over to get her breakfast. "Hey," she purred into his ear as he pulled the last of the pancakes off the griddle. "What do you say later we find some time to cuddle up and…"

"I like that idea, Mrs. Barba," he said softly. "Little ears," he reminded her with a quirk of a smile, though his hand found hers and squeezed tight.

"Momma," Annie complained, "I'm sticky."

Rafael laughed. "I'll take care of her – you eat."

"Yours will get cold," she protested.

"You have to go to work. I'll be fine," he said softly. In truth, it didn't matter to him if the pancakes were cold or hot, so long as everyone else was happy at the end of the meal. He would gladly eat the scraps. He gave Liv a kiss, which escalated from a quick brush of the lips to a real kiss.

"Ew," Noah protested. "Why are you always kissing?"

"Because we love each other very much," Rafael said, giving his son a dirty look. "When you love someone very much – a boy or a girl – you'll understand." Since Noah had come out as bisexual to them a few months before and had claimed it wasn't a big deal, he had made it a point to use his own experiences to smooth the way. However, it was clear that to Noah, it really didn't affect anything yet aside from his willingness to date members of both genders – thank god. Even kissing still disgusted him.

Noah huffed and went back to his breakfast. Liv pressed a kiss to the top of Annie's head, lamenting that somehow the toddler had gotten syrup in her hair. Rafael just laughed; it was a typical Saturday morning when momma had to rush off to work. Situation normal.

He left Lucy cleaning up the kitchen and took Annie to the bathroom to wash up. Luckily, she took to the extra bath with excitement rather than the usual revulsion, and let him wash her hair and get her dressed to go out. "Noah has dance class," he reminded the little girl. "Do you want to go to the park?"

"Pwease!" Annie crowed with excitement.

"And then, if momma isn't done at work, we'll go see if she wants some lunch," he promised.

"Okie," Annie said, grinning up at him.

"Hey."

He knew from the tone of her voice that something was very wrong. "Mi amor –"

"I don't know when I'll be home."

"It's fine; it doesn't matter."

"The interrogation isn't moving and… I just got word from the hospital that Kathy Stabler died from her injuries." There was a mixture of emotions in her voice, ranging from pain to hollow numbness that he couldn't quite pin down. But his immediate instinct was to fly to her side and protect her, to shield her with every part of his being.

"I'm sorry, Olivia – what can I –"

"How was Noah's class?" she interrupted him.

"They want him to sign up for the Julliard auditions," he said. "But we need to talk about that; both of us, and then him. It's a huge commitment and –"

"Yes," she agreed. "And he may change his mind again, like he did when Stone moved back to Chicago and he lost interest in baseball."

"Right. So we need to have a family meeting." He hoisted Annie higher on his hip, where she was sound asleep like a dead weight. "And your daughter had fun at the park during his class."

"She's only my daughter when she gets into trouble. Did she go down the slide head-first again?" Liv asked with an amused chuckle.

"No. She managed to corral a gaggle of six masked toddlers into playing a madcap game of red-light-green-light or something vaguely like it that ended up with a bunch of skinned knees and crying," he said with a laugh. "I'm not sure whether to admit to being horrified or proud."

"Be proud. She's a leader, not a follower," Liv said gently. A loud voice echoed through the phone, and she snapped, "I've got to go, Rafi – I love you."

He was more than slightly concerned with how quickly she cut the conversation off, but instead of getting irritated about it, he decided what she needed was a quick break. So he stopped in at the deli with the kids, grabbed sandwiches for all of them – and the squad, and let Noah tote the bag as they walked to the precinct. They made a picture; Rafael with Annie on one hip, Noah's gym bag slung over his other shoulder, Noah at his side, hauling a bag of sandwiches to eat.

They headed up into the squadroom, only to see Kat talking quietly to Rollins. "Hey," Amanda said, smiling. "To what do we owe the pleasure, Your Honor?"

"Ah, well…"

"We brought everybody lunch," Noah said, holding up the deli bag. "I had dance class."

Annie woke up, whining a little, then saw Amanda and made grabby hands at her favorite auntie. Amanda immediately moved to take her for a cuddle. "Hi, sweetie," Rollins cooed. "Did you have a good nap?"

"Jus a widdle one," Annie sighed.

Rafael laughed. "Kiddo, you gotta wash your hands before you eat."

"I'll take her," Amanda said.

"Where's Liv?"

"She's in her office." Rollins paused. "With Fin. And Stabler."

"Amanda?"

Kat huffed. "Look, if you won't tell him, I will."

"There was an altercation. Stabler barged in, demanding to be a part of the interrogation and Liv refused. Fin and I were in the room. She prevented him from going in, but he… physically assaulted her."

Raphael stared at her. "Ex-fucking-cuse me?"

"It's bruises on her arm," Kat was quick to say.

"She was blocking him from going into the room," Rollins said. "He tried to move her, she held fast, he tried again, she threatened to arrest him, and pulled her gun. Then he backed down."

"But she's in the room with him?" Rafael asked, incredulous.

"His commander is on the way, and Garland, too," Kat said. "He's apparently working Organized Crime. What the hell."

"I don't care," Rafael said. "He cannot get away with doing whatever he wants again."

"We won't let him," Amanda promised.

"I wanna see momma," Annie said.

"Oh, honey, she's busy," Amanda said softly.

"No," Rafael snapped. "That man needs to see what he's playing with. He doesn't care." He plucked Annie out of Amanda's arms, tilted his chin defiantly, and smirked. "The difference is that we do. Come on, Noah."

Every eye in the room was on them as they entered without knocking. "Barba," Fin said, his tone low with warning.

Stabler was practically bristling in his seat, especially when Noah came in and Rafael set Annie down. "Who brings kids to a police station?" he growled.

"Momma!" Annie cried, running over to Liv. She was familiar with the office and climbed up onto her mother's lap for a hug, immediately plopping her thumb into her mouth and staring accusingly at Elliot as if he'd ripped the stuffing out of her teddy bear and hung up the empty carcass in front of her.

"We brought sandwiches," Rafael said. Noah held up the bag.

"You got my –" Fin began

"Roast beef and mustard with sauerkraut on pumpernickel," Noah said. "Got it, Uncle Fin." He eyed Stabler suspiciously. "We didn't get you anything. Are you new?"

"Nah, kid, I'm old," Elliot scoffed. "That's your mom, right?" he said, pointing at Liv. When Noah nodded, Elliot smirked. "I worked with her a long time before you were even born." His smirk grew. "I bet your favorite sandwich is grilled cheese, isn't it, kid?"

Noah gave him a look that was a cross between confused, pitying, and disgusted. "No," he said. "I really like the ones papi makes that are turkey and cream cheese and strawberry jam on sweet toast."

Rafael kept his face blank though he felt a swell of pride inside. "Are you hungry, mi amor?" He didn't wait for an answer and kept his face schooled as he dealt out the sandwiches. He had picked one up for Lucy out of habit, and he passed that over to Stabler, hoping that it wouldn't offend him too much.

"So married and two kids?" Stabler muttered.

"Yeah," Rafael said. Liv was busy keeping Annie focused on her sandwich. He was glad, because it meant he could slide under the radar for a moment. "Don't ever think you can lay a hand on her in anger again because if Fin or Amanda don't kill you, I will fall on you like the wrath of god, Stabler."

"You?" Elliot scoffed.

"Me," Rafael confirmed grimly, taking a decisive bite of his sandwich.

She was looking at her arm in the bathroom mirror when he slipped in behind her. "Can I –" Rafael began softly. Liv flinched at the sound of his voice, but nodded and let him inspect the bruising. He let out a heavy sigh. "And you aren't pressing charges –"

"His OCB commander is restricting him," Liv said softly. "I have to believe that it's enough for now. He… he wasn't in control of his actions at the time, Rafael. He was out of his mind with grief and anger. That isn't Elliot."

"You say that, but the only sides I've ever encountered of the man have been a bully and a coward and –"

"He's a father and a family man, and a genuinely good cop when he's not being a dick," she said with a sigh. "He just has to remember to turn it off."

"Stabler hurt you today – in more ways than one," he pointed out. "The physical… I can forgive. But the other… shit. Mi amor –"

"I'll be fine," she assured him, turning to face him in his loose embrace. "He had all kinds of questions about you and the kids after you left."

"Oh, I bet he did –"

"Fin tried to keep it civil until Sergeant Bell arrived," Liv said very quietly. "She's going to try to keep him away from the investigation, but I don't know how well that's going to go."

"Obviously not well. Did you get a confession?"

"Amanda used Stabler and me scuffling as a way to turn him, but since it was under duress, Carisi isn't sure he can use it. We had to let him go on a technicality anyway, so – I don't know if any of it is going to hold up." She shrugged. "It was a thin thread in the first place connecting him to… yeah. I can't really –"

"It's fine," he assured her. "I don't need to know."

She smiled and gave him a kiss. "I love you," she whispered.

"Yeah," he said softly. "You know what?"

"What?"

"Growing old with you isn't boring."

"I never said it would be."

"I mean, I'd take boring for a day or two before nuestra tercera bebe gets here," he teased.

She paused. "Wait… that's feminine tense. She had the scan today. Shit, I missed – are you telling me?"

"We're going to have another holy terror in pigtails? Yes," he confirmed softly.

Liv let out a startled laugh and gave him a kiss. "God, I love you," she whispered. "You pretend like you don't love being a girl dad, but you're the one who makes a big deal about curling Annie's hair."

He rolled his eyes and smirked. "If you've got it, flaunt it," Rafael replied. "Also… you know Fin proposed to Phoebe Baker, right? Because Carisi casually mentioned it to me and I had no idea. I thought he was still pining madly for Connie and –"

"He's still pining madly for Connie," Liv assured him. "But he also knows that he can't live in the past and unhappiness forever. Pheobe's nice. Obviously we're invited to the wedding, so you'd better start planning for a new suit."

"Are you trying to distract me from how much I want to punch Stabler in the face?"

"Every bit of it and more," she agreed.

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" he asked softly.

"I do," she confirmed with a small smile. "But I don't think it's half as much as I love you, Rafael Barba."

"Promises, promises," he said.

"For you? Always," she murmured, leaning against him and smiling as his arms came around her protectively. "But for now, I think we're both tired and should get some rest."

He leaned against Carmen's desk and smirked a little. "What do you think?" he asked.

"I think she's going to love it," Carmen replied. "Did she say she needed a new ring?"

"She lost her wedding band out on a case a month or so ago and no one's turned it in," Rafael said with a shrug. "It's fine. I'd be more upset if it was abuelita's ring, but she keeps that one at home now."

"You're giving it to her on your anniversary?" his assistant asked, closing the ring box with a grin.

"I mean, I could do it sooner, but…" He shrugged. "It'll be nice to do something romantic for her."

Carmen spied someone over his shoulder and straightened up quickly. "I'm sorry, sir, do you have an appointment?" she said in a clipped tone. "Judge Barba is in court in 30 minutes –"

"I just need a few minutes of his time," Stabler said, holding up his hands. "Sorry. I didn't mean to cause problems. If it's inconvenient –"

"Carmen, can I spare a few minutes?" Rafael inquired as Carmen passed back the ring box and he slipped it back into his pocket.

She gave him a sideways glance, then looked down at her phone. "Ten minutes if you only eat a snack instead of a real meal," she said pointedly. "But your wife will yell at you."

He quirked an eyebrow at Stabler. "You won't tell her I crammed in a sandwich while we chatted, will you?"

"Nope," Elliot said with a forced smile.

"Then come in," Rafael said, gesturing to his chambers. Once inside, he closed the door. "To what do I owe the pleasure, Detective Stabler?"

"I have some questions and Olivia isn't answering them."

"Can you blame her?" Rafael shot back, grabbing his lunch bag and his stashed sunflower butter and jam sandwich. "You show up out of nowhere and demand to know details of her life with no preamble. She doesn't feel comfortable with that and neither do I, quite frankly."

"I'm still not sure where you fit into the picture," Stabler said, his eyes cold. "You're not her type."

"You say that like we haven't been married for over a decade," Rafael shot back. "Our relationship is none of your concern, Mr. Stabler."

"One of these days, she's going to realize the kind of man that she's married –"

"Are you here to pick a fight or ask questions?" Rafael said. "Because if it's the former, I invite you to leave. If it's the latter, ask them. I do have a full docket this afternoon, so I don't have much time."

Several emotions flashed over Stabler's face in a moment, then he went casually neutral. "Why did she settle for you?" he finally asked.

Rafael snorted lightly. "I ask myself that question every day."

"So you know you aren't good enough for her?"

He gave the other man an appraising look as he chewed his bite of food. "Neither are you. Never were. She may have chosen to cover for you but what it cost her, she'll never get back, Stabler." At the widening of Elliot's gaze in surprise, Rafael added, "Liv can handle herself, but she shouldn't have to. You were her partner and you left her to the wolves. It's a wonder she can even stand to look at you right now."

"My wife –"

"She'll handle your wife's investigation and she'll play your dutiful ex-partner in public because it's expected of her," Rafael warned. "But don't expect more than that."

"Excuse me? You're speaking for her now? What happened to 'Liv can handle herself'?" Stabler mocked.

Rafael straightened up to his full height, knowing it was less than imposing against Elliot's six-foot-plus muscular frame, and glared at him. "That is Captain Benson to you, Detective," he warned. "She can handle herself," he said, "but she doesn't have to." The implications were quite clear, especially as he rolled his shirt sleeves down over his forearms. "Now, I believe you can see yourself out. Carmen will pencil you in for another appointment, if necessary."

The two men squared off, facing one another with sour looks on their faces until Stabler finally backed down and stormed out. Rafael exhaled a sigh of relief when his door closed again and Carmen poked her head in. "He's gone," she announced. "Who –"

"Liv's ex-partner from way back when we were first dating," he explained dismissively.

"Oh. Well… what do you want me to do if he comes back?"

Rafael shrugged. "Make him make an appointment?"

"You can be an asshole sometimes."

"I mean, he needs to take a number like everyone else," he pointed out. "Shit – I'm running late."

"Yup, robe up, Batman," she advised. "And if you like it then you'd better put a ring on it. Or he's going to try."

Rafael paused and stared at her. "Don't even joke."

"You think I'm joking? He was fishing."

"I trust Liv: I don't trust him," he said firmly. "And a new wedding band isn't going to change that."

TBC...