Disclaimers, etc.: see chapter one
Opening Theme: Kuchibiru Kara Romantica by AAA
Ending Theme: Aitai Riyuu by AAA
This chapter written 9/24/2022
Fifth Division in the Red
A Bleach: Cross Story
by Eugena
Rated M Version
Chapter Nineteen: Who's the New Dad?
天国的白雪公主
SOUL SOCIETY - FIFTH DIVISION
"So, what exactly is this contest?"
Many turned to Crown Prince Ichigo whose expression said he was anything but impressed.
In the distance, Kenpachi and Rangiku shared a look. This was trouble.
"To decide who gets to be with mama!" Raiko exclaimed.
"Be with mama?" Ichigo repeated. "I'm with your mama."
"No, you aren't."
"Yes, I am."
"No."
"Yes, I am."
"No."
"Yes, I am. She's my wife. I'm her husband."
"No."
"I see you're confused. Okay, we haven't met yet, but I'm your new dad."
Raiko hugged Shinjiro tighter.
"Jiro Papa is my dad."
"But I'm married to your mom. I'm your dad."
"Jiro Papa is my dad. And the person who wins the contest marries my mom."
"What did you say?" Ichigo yelled.
"Well, this is bad," Soi Fon said as their group looked on. "Ichigo - that Ichigo - is back. He's saying he's married to sister. This is almost as bad as finding out Kuchiki got sister pregnant."
"What did you say?" Kiskuke shrieked.
Soi Fon kicked him back down. "Shut up. Nobody needs you. Lady Yoruichi and sister will do just fine without scum like you."
"You know, Soi Fon, the prince may be annoying, and he certainly doesn't belong here, but I think I like his idea of punishment," Yoruichi admitted.
"Well, technically, he did say it was sister's idea."
"And a good one," Yoruichi agreed.
"Kuchiki is going to die. How dare he touch my sister. And to find out that he -." She looked to Yachiru and decided to change her words. "That she didn't want it. He'd better hope the prince finishes with him first!"
Retsu cleared her throat. Bonus points for that stage move. Apparently, some shinigami took some serious pointers from the beloved princess.
"As much as I would love to rip Kuchiki to pieces," Retsu began, "even if I got to blame those two annoying Kurotsuchi underlings," she added quietly, "we have a more serious problem on our hands."
"Like the prince," Orihime volunteered.
"No. Like your grandchildren, Yoruichi. They must get separated right now. Immediately."
"I'm not sure how you think we do that, but we've got to try," Soi Fon agreed.
"What are you talking about?" Kisuke asked.
Soi Fon saw red and was ready to kick him. Rangiku beat him too it.
"Hold up!" Retsu insisted. "Before we continue to - rightfully - beat him, let him speak."
"He's said enough," Kenpachi said. "And you and I, Unohana, are going to settle this later. Permanently."
"But I can't do that," she denied him. "It would make our beloved princess too sad if I killed you."
"You really think you can -."
"Will the two of you stop flirting!" Soi Fon snapped. "This is hardly the time!"
"Flirting?" Yachiru asked Hanataro. "What does she mean?"
"Something your mom and dad does," Hanataro explained.
"But they can't do that. I don't mind having Kenny and other dads, but I have one mom. I don't want another mom. Mom can flirt with whoever she wants. Kenny, stop flirting! Only do that with mom!"
"What?" Kenpachi asked.
"Zaraki, I thought you gave up sleeping with other women!" Soi Fon snapped.
"What?" Zaraki stuttered.
"Kenny, how could you let someone else sleep in your room?" Yachiru asked. "Only mom, Yumi, and I do that. How can you?"
"We can discuss this later," Unohana insisted. "Now back to my point. To this man." She pointed to Urahara.
"No offense, Unohana Taicho," Uryu began, "but why are we interested in this incarnation of Urahara? He's a scumbag."
"That's my point," she said. "Now, you," she leaned down to Kisuke, "tell us your name."
"His name isn't important to me!" Yoruichi wailed. "He didn't want our daughter, what else did I need to know?"
"Tell us your name," Unohana said.
"Kisuke - Kisuke Urahara."
"There's no way that's your name," Soi Fon insisted. "That's the name of your current incarnation. Only those from the palace usually have the same name throughout their reincarnations."
"I am my current incarnation," He said.
Kenpachi nearly jumped on him. Unohana blocked his way.
"Listen closely, this is Kisuke Urahara. Not the other one."
"All the more reason to kill him," Kenpachi said.
"I need him - alive - to save the children. I had the prince bring him here. But the prince was too overconfident he could bring back his past incarnation. I counted on that. His previous incarnation would never help us. But I think this incarnation will."
"I won't forgive you," Yoruichi said to him.
"I said what I thought he'd want me to say," Kisuke defended. "You even told me to go along! Now exactly what's going on?"
"It's a good thing I believe you."
They turned to see Mayuri Kurotsuchi staring down at Urahara.
"Otherwise, if you lived past this, I would have ripped you to pieces myself," Mayuri finished.
"Good," Unohana said, "you're here."
"Maybe we should be worried Unohana is happy to see Kurotsuchi," Rangiku reasoned. "The world must be coming to an end!"
Uruyu looked over at her. "We've got a god princess, an unfaithful husband, and a kid that's really two kids. I think the world was already coming to an end."
"Yachiru," Hanataro began, "have you talked to your sister before?"
"When Dai-kun and mom got hurt. Some people came to take Dai-kun away. Then this blue fire burnt them all. I think that must have been her."
Unohana's eyes widened. "That was her?"
"She does remind me of Yukihime's second attack," Mayuri added. "Such an attack was unrelated to the others. Perhaps it makes sense now."
Yachiru nodded. "I heard mom's voice. She said the bad man was coming and to hide. Mom wasn't awake, but I could still hear her. So, that's when I ran to get Kenny. But then mom and Dai-kun were gone."
Kenpachi looked to Unohana and Kurotsuchi. "Why do I get the feeling the two of you took them to the bad man?"
"They're alive, aren't they?" Unohana asked.
"And why would that man save them?"
"You know who he is, don't you, Zaraki?" Unohana asked. "Then you should know why they are the only people he would give a damn about and would save."
"Yamada, who are they talking about?" Ragiku asked Hanataro.
"Daichi's father, I guess," he answered.
"What do you mean?" Yachiru asked. "Daichi's father is Yumi. Kenny and I knew he was."
"Of - of course, Yachiru," Hanataro said. "How silly of me. Why would he be anyone but Yumi or Zaraki?"
Orihime felt bad. She understood what Hanataro was saying, but Yachiru didn't. Maybe it was better that way.
Chad and Uryu felt the same.
Rangiku stayed silent. She didn't have to wonder anymore if Daichi was really Shirahime's son. She only had to worry about who was his father - the man everyone was going out of their way to say was not his father. Who could be that bad?
Soi Fon decided now was not a good time to bring up Daichi's father that everyone pretended was not his father. She decided to ask Yachiru why Zaraki and her were convinced Yumi would have said he was. After all, surely anyone who believed Daichi was her son already thought Kenpachi Zaraki was his father?
"How did you know it was Yumi and not Zaraki?" Soi Fon asked. "Everyone else thinks Zaraki is his father." Except for those who know who the bad man is and those who think Daichi is adopted.
"Because he used to look all sad when Yumi avoided mom," Yachiru said. "And Daichi said it was all his fault. Besides, Yumi always talked to him before mom brought him home."
"But who exactly is the bad man?" Uryu asked, braving the subject. "Should we be expecting him here anytime soon?"
"I hope not," Zaraki said. "This annoying reincarnated prince is more than enough. Yachiru, have you heard from the real prince lately?"
"No," she shook her head. "Dad Shiroyuki, I can't get him. I can't find him. Mom cut off the pathways I used to use. Mom won't tell me about him. I think he's hurt."
"Somehow I'm not surprised," Zaraki admitted. "No doubt when getting your mom back here. We can't let the bad man or anyone from over there get anywhere near your brother and sister. Those people are not allowed to touch you, but you know what might happen to Daichi and Raiko."
"She's still burning too much energy," Kurotsuchi interrupted them. After studying the energy, he could see the girl's incarnation was stable for the moment, but she was not separate from her brother. "Unohana, you can't believe Urahara alone will work."
"No," Unohana admitted. "But it's better all the children have different fathers. It may work."
"It may kill them all."
"I think I'll speak for all of us," Zaraki said. "We don't care. Save the kids."
Unohana fixed Yoruichi with her stare. "Yoruichi, Kisuke, if we do this, one or both of you might die. If we do not, your youngest grandchildren and your daughter will definitely die."
"You heard Kenpachi," Yoruichi said. "Let's go save the kids."
天国的白雪公主
Author's Notes:
The princess decided to join the contest.
The princess takes a break for family matters in:
Red Gemini
The contest continues in:
Fifth Division in the Red II: Princess Division
(Thanks to Yamamoto in Chapter 18 for this subtitle.)
Thanks for reading, and I hope you all continue to enjoy my stories.
天国的白雪公主
Red Gemini:
Before Momo and the others can go through with their quest to find Shirahime a new spouse, Shirahime must find a way to separate her two youngest children. She takes a risky gamble that introduces a surprise contestant.
Not a spoof.
天国的白雪公主
Fifth Division in the Red II: Princess Division:
The spoof returns. For my readers who want to skip ahead to the contest.
After the events of Red Gemini, Momo resumes her dating show preparations. As the undecided divisions join in, a second princess joins in the contest. Surely, this means that the fifth division's money troubles should be solved twice as fast, right?
Contains major spoilers for planned events in Red Gemini.
谢谢你们的阅读。