Rating: T for occasional language. Also see other warnings.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: Bradford has always blamed Michelangelo for his misfortunes and especially for his mutation so when he manages to capture the young ninja, he's going to make sure he knows exactly what it's like. 2k12 AU.

Warning: Warnings for physical and mental torture in this story abound, as well as for implied and highly disturbing situations. Trigger warnings may apply for some chapters. There will not however, be gruesome details. Some things are best left up to the imagination.

A/N: For those that don't follow my other story which I have recently updated and therefore didn't see this apology, I'm sorry for falling out of my regular posting schedule. Things happened that disturbed it and shook me, then I fell into a game I've been playing on and off the last couple of years. Hard. All because I joined a guild that just clicked with me. I have at least written in this time, just not typed up or seriously edited. Didn't help that AO3 logged me out either and I couldn't log in again for a few weeks. Turns out when they say to log in with either your user name OR email, they mean, email only. Anyway, I'm sorry and will try to do better.

Minnie1015: Raph has learnt to quell his temper a lot of late, thanks to knowing how much it scares Mikey when he explodes XD

audrey. e. beaulieu : Thank you :-) Here's the update!

How Much is that Turtle in the Window

ch 39

"Mikey!" a worried voice cut through the past. "We're home and you're safe, come back to us!"

Mikey whipped his head around, seeing Donnie, Raph and April far too close and jumped in fright. When did they even get here? Why hadn't he heard them coming?

"What the hell happened while we were gone?" Raph asked tightly.

"We were talking and he just spaced out all of a sudden, acting terrified and like he was in pain," Leo answered worriedly. "I have no idea what set it off."

Donnie nodded, moving slowly, carefully towards Mikey who quickly shifted away, only to realise he was moving closer to Leo. Panic ripped through him again and he jumped to all fours, racing awkwardly across the pit to cower beside the TV, teeth bared and growling as best he could.

"It's okay, Mikey, I won't come any closer until you're ready," Donnie soothed quietly. "I'm just going to sit down right here, okay?"

Mikey stared at him fearfully for a moment before blinking yes, then as Donnie slowly sat on the bench surrounding the pit, he shifted his wary gaze back to Leo, watching and jumping every time he made a movement.

"He's terrified of you, Leo," Raph suddenly realised. "What the hell did you do to him?"

"I didn't do anything!" Leo protested indignantly. "As I said, we were just talking!"

"Uh huh," Raph retorted flatly. "And yet here we are, Mikey terrified and backed into a corner again."

Donnie nodded, humming in agreement. "Think carefully, Leo, what did you talk about? What did you say?"

Leo glanced worriedly up at April who looked vaguely uncomfortable as if she thought she shouldn't be there.

"Donnie and Raph told me why they came to meet me," she offered softly. Leo nodded and Mikey flinched again, feeling another wave of nausea roil through him again.

"I asked why he didn't say something sooner and then told him I didn't blame him for it and that none of us did," Leo explained quietly. "After I asked him to repeat that it wasn't his fault, he just... pulled away and denied anything was wrong. Then..." Leo waved helplessly toward him, "he started acting like that until you came home."

"There has to be more to it than that," Donnie frowned, his worried gaze still on Mikey, though his head was turned slightly toward Leo. "Can you think of anything more specific?"

"No, there's nothing," Leo answered after a moment, shaking his head.

"Right!" Raph snorted, then turned to Mikey. "Hey, little bro, want me to drag big brother away for a bit?"

Mikey stared at Raphael pleadingly for a moment but otherwise didn't move, other than hurriedly returning his fearful gaze to Leo.

"Come on, Fearless, April brought more stuff down so come help put it away," Raph demanded, picking up a couple of bags from the ground nearby.

"I don't think I sh..."

"Not a suggestion," Raph retorted, nodding towards Mikey. "Give him some space for a bit, huh?"

"Alright," Leo reluctantly agreed, looking sadly at Mikey as he went over to pick up one of the bags and follow April and Raph into the kitchen.

Donnie watched as Mikey fearfully watched Leo leave before closing his eyes and slumping in place the moment the others left his sight.

"It's just the two of us, now," Donnie said softly. "Do you feel like coming out of the corner?"

There was no response so Donnie frowned. "Do you mind if I come over there, then?"

Mikey only shuddered and curled in on himself so Donnie carefully stood and slowly made his way over, stopping just within arm's reach, giving Mikey the choice of whether to accept him or not.

"I'm right here, buddy. Will you tell me what happened? What Leo said or did to upset you?"

{Alpha always hurts,} Mikey eventually tapped with a shaking hand that barely stretched away from his plastron.

Donnie frowned. "Did you have a flashback of something Dogpound did?"

Surprise and fear caused Mikey to stiffen, {Hai...}

"Do you think you can tell me yet?" Donnie asked gently, aching to reach out and wrap his arms protectively around his little brother. Unfortunately, he could see that it would do more harm than good if he acted right now. It was better to keep his distance, yet be close enough for Mikey to make the move when he was ready.

Mikey shook his head wildly, eyes still closed and head buried in his arms.

"Okay, no pressure. I'm right here when you're ready, though," Donnie murmured soothingly.

Lifting his head slightly, Mikey peeked up at Donnie, flinching at the unexpected closeness. {Others, doko?}

"In the kitchen, putting away the extra groceries April bought us. She also brought dinner down too, so you don't have to suffer through our terrible cooking," Donnie joked lightly. That bought a slight but wobbly smile to Mikey's face for all of half a second. "Gotta tell you, buddy, if it wasn't for April and takeout, we all would have starved while you were gone, given how none of us can cook. Do you remember how bad we all are? Especially Leo?"

Mikey pulled a disgusted face. {R worse,} he pointed out hesitantly as if worried he'd get punished for speaking against another or even just for disagreeing, {no patience. At least with L, you can c it's not eatable. Like it has a youki rising from it.}

Donnie laughed softly, "True, with Raph's you just have no idea what you're getting until you take a bite and find out the hard way if it's over or undercooked. At least your cooking was always good, as long as you weren't experimenting again."

Mikey sniffed indignantly, {My experaments were always awesome!}

"I think you're forgetting the P-shake incident?" Donnie pointed out drily.

{Evryone fails sometime...} Mikey pouted, making Donnie smile at his expression. {Pizza noodl soop was great, tho! 'Member?}

"Yes, surprisingly, that one was really good," Donnie agreed reluctantly, "although it sounded like it would be awful."

Mikey stuck his tongue out and Donnie smiled again, pleased to see his brother obviously feeling somewhat better. "Speaking of pizza, April said she ordered your favourite from Antonio's. Do you feel like eating yet?" To his shock though, Mikey blanched, his face going far more pale than it already was.

{U go eat. I'll stay here.}

Away from Leo went unsaid. Yet Donnie was sure that wasn't the only problem.

"Aren't you hungry?" Donnie asked worriedly.

{Feel sick. Tummy,} Mikey explained, touching his plastron with his free hand while looking away guiltily.

Donnie frowned again and scooted slightly closer. "Do you mind if I check your temperature?" he asked softly. When Mikey blinked his agreement, he reached out, touching the back of his hand against his brother's forehead. "You don't feel very warm. How's your head? Has the headache returned yet?"

{Only little,} Mikey admitted but Donnie knew it never went completely away since the accident, though it did wane from time to time, usually thanks to rest and a calmer state of mind.

"Well, I think you should try to eat a little at least. You still have another couple of days of medication to go and you know you really shouldn't have that on an empty stomach."

{Can't I stop yet? Pls?} Mikey pleaded desperately. {Makes me sick.}

"Actually, it keeps you from getting sick," Donnie corrected firmly. "We don't have access to medical aid anymore and we can't risk something going wrong and you relapsing. You need to finish the course Asahi-sensei prescribed for you."

Mikey sighed despondently and Donnie's heart ached at the sight. {'k... But can I... I don't... I can't...}

"You don't have to skirt around the problem with me, Mikey, you know that, right?" Donnie asked softly, his heart breaking once again at the sight of the turmoil his brother was often in.

{Hai...} Mikey reluctantly tapped, squeezing his eyes closed as he trembled. {Don't wanna eat pizza.}

"Since when?" Donnie asked, staring in shock. "You love pizza and April ordered it especially for you!"

{Can't eat it... B sick... Gave me several times and made me sick. Really sick,} Mikey admitted miserably. Donnie could see a hint of tears glistening in the corners of Mikey's eyes. {On purpose. Just thinking of eating it now makes me sick,} he shuddered.

"Wait! You mean to say they gave you contaminated food?"

Mikey frowned in confusion a moment and then, {Hai...}

"Was it just pizza or other things too?"

{Pizza.}

"You were fine with the pizza gyoza this morning. Or did that make you sick too?" Donnie asked worriedly.

{Was fine, D.}

"Okay, okay," Donnie muttered, unconsciously getting up and pacing the pit as he thought. "Right, well, I could cut up some more fruit for you or ask April to whip something else up. To be honest, I have no idea what she brought us last night or today. She probably brought some noodles though, they're cheap, light to carry and even Leo can cook those without completely ruining them."

{Sry, D,} Mikey stared up at him anxiously.

"No, no! It's fine. You have nothing to be sorry about," Donnie reassured quickly. Suddenly, he stopped, whirling to face Mikey. "Are you alright coming into the kitchen and seeing everyone?"

Mikey shrank back, blanching visibly at the suggestion.

"Okay. How about if I ask Raph to come and keep you company for a few minutes while I go in there to sort something out?"

{Don't have to, I can stay alone. You'd be just in there,} Mikey motioned towards the kitchen.

"That's what I thought earlier today when I left you in my lab alone," Donnie muttered drily. "No, someone needs to be in the room with you, just in case."

He didn't miss the look of frustration that briefly darkened Mikey's face.

"Look me in the eye and tell me honestly that you're ready to be completely alone in a room, Mikey," he immediately challenged.

Mikey tried, he really did, Donnie had to give him that much, but a moment later, he looked away again in shame.

"It's okay to take your time, no one will think any less of you for it. In fact, I think I'd be more worried if you did tell me you were ready." Donnie smiled gently, crouching down in front of his little brother. "I'll tell you what, I'll text Raph to get him back out here and then I'll go to the kitchen in his place, okay?"

Mikey sighed, {'k...} he agreed reluctantly.

Donnie quickly sent his message and looked up to smile at Mikey. "Don't worry, buddy, things will improve. You just need to be patient and give yourself some time, okay?"

{'k...}

Just then, Raph emerged from the kitchen, looking aggravated and made his way over to the pit. Donnie caught the disappointment pass his eyes as he saw Mikey still huddled in the corner next to the TV and sadly, he was pretty sure Mikey noticed it too, from the way he hung his head in shame again.

"I'll be back soon," Donnie promised, making his way to the kitchen before Raph could question him.

As he entered the homely room, Leo and April, both appearing rather tense, looked up to greet him. Leo stood by the sink as April put items away in the cupboard.

"H-hey, what's wrong?"

"Leo and Raph want me to move back down here, for my own safety," April replied, sounding rather fed up. "I told them that I'm perfectly capable of looking after myself and that I refuse to live in fear just in case Dogpound passed on his insane plan to control Mikey to someone else in the Foot!"

"I have to admit I kind of agree with them," Donnie admitted nervously, "however, we don't have any evidence anything was passed on."

"And we don't have any evidence that it wasn't," Leo retorted tightly. "Even ignoring that, the Foot will know we're back by now, given how we took out several attacks on the Turtle Sub. They're going to know we had help and who is our only known ally?"

April paled slightly but her expression became all the more determined. "I can't just give up my life and school and what about my dad? I can't leave him! Even now, he still doesn't like it when I leave the house! How do you think he's going to react if he thinks I'm in danger again?"

"He'll want you safe," Leo insisted, "whatever it takes to keep you that way."

Donnie nodded. "May-maybe just consider bringing some of your gear down here in case of emergency."

"And what if instead of coming after me, the Foot just decide to up the search on you guys again?" April countered, glaring at Donnie. "We'll all be cut off and trapped again!"

"The thought has crossed my mind," Leo said softly. "It's a danger but..."

"I can help you stock up a bit in case of that but I can only carry so much and yours and my funds are limited, especially with you guys having been unable to build on them for so long," April said softly. "How long do you really think it will be before they come after you en masse?"

Or after April went unsaid.

"With Shredder's vindictiveness? Not long, maybe a week or so at the absolute most," Leo replied grimly, causing Donnie to shudder. "Probably less."

April nodded, looking sick.

'No wonder Raph was pissed at leaving if this is what they were talking about,' Donnie mused as the other two went quiet. It really was something they all had to talk about together but with Mikey's fragile state of mind, not something he needed to be part of right now and neither could they leave him alone to have the talk.

"At least promise us you won't go anywhere alone," Leo suddenly said. "Keep to crowded areas where the Foot won't dare to make a move. Make sure your friends are close, Casey, Irma and anyone else you trust. Keep a close eye out for anything unusual or dangerous and most of all, call if you need help."

"I promise," April replied quietly.

"Good," Leo nodded. He obviously wasn't happy but knew he wouldn't get April to agree to anything more without good reason. He then turned to Donnie. "Did you find out what upset Mikey?"

Donnie gave a sharp, short shake of his head. "All he said was that 'Alpha always hurts' and he refused to talk about the flashback, only admitting to it being about Dogpound when I asked."

Leo looked pained as he nodded slowly, then he suddenly fixed Donnie with an intense stare. "Wait, alpha?" he choked. "That's what he keeps starting to say when talking about Dogpound?"

Donnie cringed in dismay; he hadn't meant to let it slip like that, "Yes, it is."

Leo stared in the direction of the pit in horror. "He thinks of Dogpound as his alpha? What the... Donnie, you knew this and didn't tell us? That's something we needed to know!"

"Not if it was going to cause arguments and accusations in front of him," Donnie replied quietly. "He doesn't need that and you know how he feels about us talking about him in front of him." He sighed miserably. "It's not his fault. You know they messed with his head. Dogpound's name was driven from his memory and replaced with Alpha and from that point on, it seems they only referred to Dogpound as his alpha around him. Mikey knew nothing else to call him and even now that he does remember, it's ingrained. He tries to correct himself and usually does but sometimes, it slips out again, especially when he's upset or hurting. It's the same with that Hakuba person."

"He also thinks of him as an alpha?"

"Worse," Donnie admitted, shaking his head. "He was conditioned to think of him as Master."

"Splinter was our Master..." Leo stated quietly, voice full of pain. April gently placed her hand on Leo's arm and he glanced at her, grateful for the grounding.

"They tampered with his mind and memories, not to mention tortured and beat him down on a daily basis, Leo," Donnie pressed gently. "Don't blame Mikey for thinking like that. It's not his fault."

"I... I won't," Leo promised, looking sick. "But that doesn't mean it's going to be easy to take."

"I know," Donnie agreed grimly. "Raph in particular won't take it well when he finds out."

Leo nodded numbly. "Not to change the subject but speaking of Raph, why did you have him take your place with Mikey?"

Donnie stared, gobsmacked. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten. "R-right. Mikey! Someone needed to be with him."

"Yes," Leo agreed evenly, "but why didn't you stay? He opens up and calms down more with you than anyone else."

Donnie shook his head, "Because I just found out that Mikey can't eat pizza anymore, " he admitted queasily.

"Mikey can't what?" Leo and April echoed.

"How come?"

"They gave it to him a few times but deliberately contaminated it. It made him sick and now he can't face the sight of it without being sick again."

"That's awful!" April breathed in horror.

"I came in to organise other food for him, then was distracted by other matters." Donnie admitted, "I wasn't sure what you've brought down, April but if worst came to worst, I was going to just cut up more fruit for him. He seemed to enjoy that this morning."

Leo nodded numbly.

"Well, I've brought down a lot of varieties of ramen," April laughed nervously, "along with more fruit, some vegetables, eggs, bread and a few other things. Mostly ramen and other instant noodles though, as it's cheap, light to carry and not even Leo messes up cooking those."

"Hey!" Leo protested weakly.

Donnie chuckled and walked to the pantry. "That's what I told Mikey."

"How about I make some eggs for him?" April offered. "An omelette, maybe?"

"That's a great idea," Donnie replied warmly. "Just, one thing, let it cook smoothly, rather than scrambled. Food that's too scrambled tends to upset him. Reminds him too much of dog food."

"They... really made him eat dog food?" April asked faintly, stopping on her way to the fridge to stare at him in horror.

"Yeah. We saw the food packed for him on the ship," Leo admitted, looking ill again. "Mikey insisted it wasn't actually dog food once he could talk to us again but it sure looked like it."

"Trouble was, he also admitted to having actually been given dog food multiple times, especially on the trip to Japan. In fact, that's all he ate on the way over," Donnie continued, cringing unhappily at the memory of that conversation. "Apparently, once he reached Japan, the Foot vet worked out a diet to keep him healthy and insisted on Dogpound sticking to it. However, it was minced or stewed together in such a way that it looked rather too much like actual dog food."

"Didn't taste or smell much better either," Leo admitted with a grimace of disgust. "Food was scarce for us on the Umi Ryuu, especially after half of our supplies were ruined in the storm that almost killed Mikey. We were forced to supplement our diet with those packages," he shuddered.

"That's awful," April said in horror, looking ill herself.

"Don't tell Mikey though, he doesn't know we did and we'd rather keep it that way," Donnie explained.

"I don't blame you." April shuddered, reaching for the fridge door. For several seconds, she rummaged inside before pulling out the eggs and some vegetables. "I'll take care of this, Donnie. Why don't you go see if you can coax Mikey out to join us for dinner. This shouldn't take more than fifteen minutes or so."

"Okay, thanks April," he replied gratefully.

"Although... I do have one concern."

Both Donnie and Leo paused to regard her curiously.

"If pizza makes him sick, will Mikey be okay with the rest of us eating it in front of him or should I make something else for the rest of us too?"

That was an extremely valid question. "There's only one way to find out," Donnie replied grimly. "I'll talk to him and see how he reacts. I'll be right back."

Donnie spun on his heels and walked back out the kitchen to the pit, where Mikey was still pressed into the side of the TV, watching Raph warily. Raph turned his head towards him, a look of relief filling his face. Mikey didn't so much as twitch in his direction.

"Dunno why you had to leave," Raph grumbled unhappily and Donnie felt a flare of irritation at his brother which he fought to school. "You're the only one who can get him to open up. I've only made it worse by trying," he said, stepping up out of the pit. He began walking toward the kitchen but Donnie stopped him.

"So you're just going to give up now that I'm back?"

"Of... of course not!" Raph spluttered indignantly. "But I can barely understand him most of the time and you have no problem."

Mikey looked away miserably and though Donnie didn't hear anything, he was sure he saw him tapping in mid-air out of the corner of his eye. {Not my fault,} he thought his brother said.

"Which is why you need to spend more time listening," Donnie said crisply. "You're still needed here, Raph. I need to ask Mikey something and then I have to go back to the kitchen for a few more minutes."

Thankfully, Raph stopped and turned back but he didn't look happy about it. Knowing that Mikey would interpret it badly, Donnie wished that Mikey couldn't have seen it.

Donnie turned back to Mikey, stopping and crouching just in front of him and giving him an encouraging smile. "April offered to make you a vegetable omelette, would that be okay?"

Mikey twitched slightly. {Hai, ty.}

"What's wrong with the pizza?" Raph frowned, coming up behind.

Donnie glanced back, "I'll explain later."

{Do u have to?} Mikey asked miserably.

"Yes," Donnie replied firmly. "Leo and April already know. It's only right to bring Raph into the loop as well."

{'k,} Mikey tapped with a sigh and a flicker of his eyes towards their brother.

"Just one other thing, will you be alright with us eating pizza while you're there?" Donnie asked gently.

Mikey just stared up at him.

"If it's going to be a problem, it's okay to tell us."

{Don't know,} Mikey tapped worriedly.

"Well, let's try and see. If it proves to be a problem, we can always separate enough so that you can't see what we're eating. I'll be back shortly, I just need to let the others know. Okay?"

{'k...}

-:-

Dinner came and went and while Mikey felt anxious and queasy at the sight of his once beloved food so close, it wasn't enough to make a fuss about. They ate in the pit as Mikey still felt awkward and as if he were going to lose his balance when he tried to sit on the kitchen stools, as he'd discovered that morning. Donnie, however, convinced him to come away from the corner and sit upright, leaning against the bench seating and fetched a small side table for Mikey to use.

He still didn't feel safe around Leo and he couldn't explain it, not to Donnie or himself so he kept quiet, simply sitting as far from his oldest brother as he could and feeling guilty over the pain clearly visible in Leo's dark blue gaze.

They had the TV on, volume low but his brothers and April spoke as they ate, telling her about the less painful and scary parts of their race for freedom, including Raph jokingly ripping into Leo for his 'borrowing' of people's vehicles and wanting to leave apologetic notes until he realised it could leave a trail. Mikey twitched at that. The Foot hadn't needed to find a trail, they'd found them anyway without too much trouble. Even out in the middle of the ocean.

Throughout dinner, Donnie sat by Mikey, trying sporadically to keep him engaged but Mikey used the excuse of having to concentrate to use the fork, which wasn't too much of a stretch given how little movement his fingers had and how they were cramping from their unfamiliar use. Drinking was at least easier though, thanks to April bringing down a few reusable cups complete with attached straws. His brothers promised to make sure they were full and fresh in various rooms; kitchen, pit, by the wall in the dojo and in his room so he could help himself wherever he was.

Afterwards, Leo left to take care of the dishes and April came over with a smile.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" April asked, motioning to a spot on the floor beside Mikey. Mikey stared up at her a moment before blinking yes. Her smile widened, then took on an apologetic air. "I haven't had much time to learn Morse Code yet but I spent a couple of hours on it last night and half of my lunch break at school today. Donnie said I'd be better off if I learnt from you though, so would you mind helping me?"

Mikey's jaw dropped in shock. That was heaps of time! Probably more than Raph over the last three weeks, even. {Hai,} he slowly tapped, blinking yes at the same time for April's benefit.

"Great! So... was that yes?"

Mikey held up a hand rocking it back and forth. Sort of.

Donnie chuckled, "It meant yes, however, Mikey just tapped out hai, which I'm sure you remember means yes."

April nodded.

"He always spells out hai instead of yes," Raph grunted. "You get used to it."

"Oh, okay," April replied, somewhat puzzled.

"It's a habit, born from before he learnt the letter y," Donnie helpfully explained. "Your best way would be to go through the alphabet a few times and then give him common words and names to sound out for you."

"That makes sense," April replied thoughtfully. "I also thought I could record it and play it back to practise with when I'm at home. Is that okay with you, Mikey?" she asked, turning back to him.

Mikey beamed up at her happily. He couldn't believe she was so willing. Donnie really was right. April was the best! How could he have been so scared of her back on the sub? Without thinking, he launched himself at April, throwing his arms around her in an enthusiastic hug.

For a moment, April sat there, still. Then she relaxed, laughed lightly and hugged him back. "God, I missed you, Mikey I missed all of you and you can't believe how happy I am that you're home at last."

'Missed you and my bros too,' Mikey sniffled, burying his face into her shoulder. 'At least until I forgot you all, though I still missed you after. Al... Leo probably wouldn't believe it though, if he knew the truth...' he stiffened imperceptibly but she noticed regardless and hugged tighter, comforting him. The two sat like that for some time before April began to extricate herself.

"Much as I want to keep holding on to you to make sure you never disappear on us again, I really want to be able to talk with you again," April murmured softly as Mikey scrubbed his wrists at his eyes, wiping away the hint of moisture.

Yeah, he wanted that too. {Ok,} he both sounded out and blinked. Then he looked doubtfully at her, unsure where to start.

April smiled, then reached out with a hand, resting it on the coffee table. "You go first and I'll copy. Okay?"

Mikey beamed at her again, {Hai.}

-:-

For the next couple of hours, the pair worked mostly alone. Raph joined them for a short while but soon drifted over to Leo and Donnie who spoke in low voices so as not to disturb the lesson on the other side of the pit. Finally, April stretched and switched off the recording app on her T-phone. She smiled apologetically at Mikey.

"It's getting late and I still have homework to do tonight."

'Okay,' he blinked sadly. He didn't want her to go. {It's not safe out there,} he tapped slowly, watching April as she tried to concentrate on what he was saying. It was far too soon though. She'd only been learning a short time and though she was smart, she was no Donnie.

"Mikey said it's not safe out there," Donnie translated, still engrossed in his laptop and in the conversation with their brothers.

April's face fell. "It's okay, Mikey. The others told me about the threat against me and I promise I'll be careful. Leo's already spoken to me about it and made me promise not to go anywhere alone."

"And I'll be seeing April home tonight," Leo spoke up firmly, leaving no room for arguments.

But they couldn't be there all the time.

"I'll be fine and I'll be back tomorrow after school," April assured him, reaching out and resting her hand gently on his as he watched it. "After all, I'll need you to give me another lesson."

Mikey smiled slightly, even as the worry continued to fill him. {Ok,} he tapped with his free hand. He didn't like it and didn't agree but he couldn't really argue when she didn't even understand him yet. He sighed miserably and slumped, watching anxiously as April gathered her things, stuffing them into her backpack.

"April, we're going to hold a memorial for Master Splinter on Saturday morning at nine am. Could you let Casey know when you see him, tell him he's more than welcome if he wants to come?" Leo asked quietly.

"Sure," April replied sadly. "I'll let him know when I call him tonight and my father too if that's okay?"

"Of course. He's welcome too. Your father and Master Splinter were good friends."

Mikey's breath hitched and he sat up, staring at Leo fearfully. While he knew he'd met April's father before, he couldn't remember the man, didn't even remember his name, and as for Casey... What happened to him keeping away for a while? Letting him get used to being home and actually free and safe again first?

"Thanks, Leo. Well, we'd better go. Bye Mikey, I'll see you tomorrow!" April called lightly and Mikey was dimly aware of her, Leo and Raph leaving.

"Today's only Wednesday. Saturday is still a couple of days away," a voice murmured from beside him. Mikey jumped and whipped his head around to see Donnie settling on the ground beside him. "That gives you a few more days before anyone comes around."

It wasn't enough! Mikey looked away petulantly. Just the thought of anyone else in their home and near him was terrifying. His time with the Foot only proved how much humans hated and mistreated anyone different. They hurt him over and over, day after day. Did things they had no right to do to another living being, animal or not! He couldn't help but tremble as memories of being paraded around at the end of a leash began to resurface. Of the mocking and jeering, the abuse of all kinds that he endured. He fought desperately to push the memories out of his mind and stay in control.

"I'm going to put my arms around you, Mikey," Donnie warned softly, shifting slightly closer.

Next thing he knew, he was jerked back to the present by lanky green arms stretching around him, pulling him in gently and holding him loosely enough that he didn't feel trapped. He wilted miserably but gratefully onto his brother, leaning his forehead against Donnie's shoulder.

"I know you aren't ready for other people to visit yet," Donnie continued in the same quiet tone, "but the simple fact is, it would be unfair to deny our friends the chance to say goodbye when they knew and cared for Master Splinter too. I mean, not only did Mr O'Neil stay with us for a time after we rescued him from the Kraang but he gave us a place to stay when we were cut off from home while you were missing. He and Master Splinter became good friends."

Mikey closed his eyes in pain. He got that, he really did but...

"And as for Casey..."

"I don't wanna know, D!" he screamed desperately, whipping his wrecked hands up to press hard against his ear slits. The vibrations from his brother talking ceased and Mikey eventually relaxed his shaking arms.

"... You know we'd never allow anyone down here that we don't trust, right?"

Mikey pulled free from Donnie's grasp and glared at the other side of the pit. {Rite,} he tapped harder than he meant to, wincing as he whacked his now unprotected fingers painfully against the cold, hard ground.

"Is it just because you don't know Casey yet or..." Donnie trailed off uncertainly as Mikey pushed the coffee table away. He rolled to his hands and knees and crawled to the bench, using it to push himself upright to stand on weak, shaky legs. Donnie pursed his lips a moment. "Would you like a hand?"

{No!} Mikey petulantly knocked onto the pit wall beside him. He turned unsteadily, looking around and wishing for the first time ever that there was a ramp or steps leading out of the infernal pit. It was no wonder their father used to use it as a playpen to keep them out of trouble when they were little and if he wasn't so determined to get out now, he was sure it'd work just as well for him now.

He gasped raggedly and tears sprang unbidden to his eyes as he suddenly remembered playing in there with his brothers as their father gazed down at them with warmth in his then-usually sad eyes. He'd pushed himself up onto two wobbly feet much as he did moments ago and toddled unsteadily over to the giant rat, holding his chubby little arms out and wordlessly demanding to be held. Splinter had looked shocked for a moment as if he couldn't believe someone wanted him, not that Mikey understood that at the time, then smiled and stepped down to pick him up. As Mikey cuddled happily into warm, freshly shampooed fur, his brothers caught wind and rushed over, demanding their share of the hugs and attention. It was his earliest memory, he realised. One he felt certain he'd never remembered before, not even before the Foot started messing with his mind but he remembered it now and it hurt.

The tears suddenly welled and rolled down his cheeks and he sniffled, wiping them viciously away.

"Mikey?" Donnie asked cautiously, standing and coming closer. "What's wrong?"

He had no words and frustrated, Mikey turned and gestured impatiently at the pit around him. Donnie turned and gazed around the area puzzled.

"Oh! Too hard to get out?"

Yes! {No!} Both! And yet...

"That's part of it but not all of it?" Donnie ventured quietly.

Mikey hung his head in exhaustion. Recognising his delicate state of mind, Donnie cautiously stepped closer.

"Can you tell me?" he asked gently.

He clenched his fingers tightly. He could have told Donnie, he was sure he'd remember though he doubted his Alpha or Raph would as they were all so young, only even just learning to walk. Much like he was again right now. Trouble was, he wasn't sure how to explain.

Wobbling in place on legs that threatened to buckle beneath him, Mikey turned to the bench, half falling onto it.

"Mikey!" Donnie cried, rushing the last short distance to catch him too late. "Are you alright?" he asked anxiously as Mikey shrugged him off and clambered awkwardly onto the bench, using it as a too-large step to climb out with.

{Am fine!} Mikey knocked shortly once he reached the top, his throat aching from harsh breath that struggled to get through. He tried to struggle to his feet again but there was nothing close he could use to lean onto and he was already so tired from his efforts minutes ago and the long, emotionally wrought day beforehand.

"Let me give you a hand."

He didn't want a damn hand! Mikey bared his teeth in frustration and Donnie hurriedly stepped back, stung.

-:-

I recently posted a one-shot set in this universe that was half focused on Mikey and half focused on Raph and is set immediately prior to chapter 10 (when Mikey was finally rescued) of this story. If you wish to check it out, it's called 'Nagareboshi'. On that note, there will be another one-shot posted for this series in the near future. Probably before the next chapter and that one will be focused on Leo.

Doko - Where

Youki – Demonic aura