I apologize for being so long with a new chapter. This things really is turning into something epic, which was not my original intention. But Edith and Anthony seem to have minds of their own! Anyway, RL has thrown me a curve in the form of cancer. It is very treatable and the prognosis at this point is very good. It has distracted me from writing however, and will probably do so more in the coming months. I do want to thank all the Andith shippers who have contributed to our little community for helping me keep my chin up through all this. Reading new posts and re-reading old favorites has help my mind stay in a more positive state rather than dwelling on a sad case of the blues.
If you leave comments (and I hope you do) please don't worry with the cancer bit. I'd much rather read what you think about my story. I will endeavor to keep at the writing but I imagine posts will continue to be sporadic for awhile. I do look forward to reading more posts from fellow shippers.
In the meantime, SAIL ON!
The days passed far too quickly for Anthony's liking and soon they were on the train to Cambridge. He was relieved that Edith would accompany him and see him settled but his heart tightened as he contemplated her departure. How would he manage on his own?
It wasn't so much that he needed her help with things, although at times he did. No, he thought as the train rattled along the tracks, it was more than that; much more. The times when they had been separated, in different rooms or even the one time since they had returned to Locksley that she had ventured to Downton on her own, he missed her terribly; so much so that he hadn't been able to think of anything else. Reading was impossible, estate matters were a blur, even speaking to the staff. He simply could not think of anything but her and the fact that she was not there. And when Edith was present, he couldn't seem to refrain from touching her. If others were present, his touches were subtle and perfectly acceptable in society. When it was just the two of them it became so much more. And while there was most certainly a sexual element to his need for her in those moments, it was so much more. How would he manage without being able to see her, touch her, be one with her?
As if she read his thoughts, her hand slipped into his and she gave him a gentle squeeze. "I'm going t miss you terribly, you know," she said softly. That nearly broke him. He couldn't do this, his mind shouted. Some deep instinct was telling him he would not survive, not really. Oh, his body would continue to function but the rest of him… it wouldn't.
"I can't do this," he said suddenly, frantically. "It's wrong; I know it is wrong."
"But Anthony," she started only for him to interrupt. "Edith, I simply can't."
"What are you saying? I don't understand what you are saying?"
"I… I want you to be happy Edith. And I know that me being like this, my mind so blank, bothers you. But I'm a coward, really, and I simply can't face days on end without you next to me."
Edith looked at him quite perplexed. "We both know you are no coward, Anthony. But I must admit that you have a knack for saying the most romantic things in the oddest of ways. I do love that you want me next to you; there's nowhere else I'd rather be. But shouldn't we at least give this a try?"
"I won't be able to… to….well, be of any use. I mean, my mind won't…. I just can't think of anything else when you are not with me. All I can think of is how soon you will return to me. How can I possibly heal my mind if I can't think of anything else?"
Edith looked at him and for the life of him he couldn't understand how she could look so upset and so pleased at the same time. But she did. "Darling, it will be alright. You know I am here for you whenever you should need you. Let's not worry about it until we speak with Dr. Rivers. Perhaps we can find a solution. Perhaps he might have some ideas about how we can manage this?"
Looking into her dark eyes and seeing that she was worried for him made Anthony calm down, ever so slightly. "Alright, we'll do as you say. But Edith, I truly mean it. I can't be without you. I know it isn't perhaps the healthiest of situations for either of us; but then, I'm not the healthiest of men."
He watched as she considered what he'd said. "No Anthony, you are not. But I think we should at least give this a try. I'll wrote to you everyday and visit often. Let's give this a month's time and then decide what is best, hmmm? If you aren't able to cope then we'll find a different course. But right now, Dr. Rivers seems the best way. And it is in Cambridge, so perhaps that will jog some memories too? Memories of your happier days at university? Perhaps some of your friends from those days are still around and they can help fill in some blanks too?"
Still unconvinced, Anthony conceded. "Yes, alright. One month then. One bloody long, hellish month…"
"You can mark the days off, darling. And I do promise, I will come visit."
"And write every day?"
"Of course. And it will be a bloody long hellish month for me too. But if it helps you, then it will have been worth it, don't you think?"
Antony nodded in agreement but inwardly, he felt nothing but gloom.
Dr. Rivers met them at the train station and looked at Edith with a hint of disapproval. Catching the sour expression on the other man's face, Anthony quickly spoke up. "Having Edith with me was the only way I could make the journey."
"Yes, you made that clear when we discussed the arrangements over the telephone. I have secured rooms for you near mine. The landlady knows you are injured but doesn't know about the memory loss. She is expecting you and Lady Strallan but understands that after a day or two, you'll be there on your own. She will handle all the meals and well, the domestic side of things, as needed. That should free you to concentrate on healing, Sir Anthony."
"That sounds perfect," Edith said encouragingly. "But what if Anthony should need help dressing, his tie for instance?"
"Her son can help, if necessary," Dr. Rivers answered. "He's out of school and helps his mother about the house and works at the tailor's shop down the road during the afternoons. Malcolm is trying to learn the business and acquire enough skill for it to be permanent. Mrs. Brown also has an older son, Henry, who was wounded in the war. He lost an arm and was also gassed; the family has learned to manage the difficulties.
"What of Mr. Brown?" Edith asked.
"He was a member of the Army Veterinary Service and was killed early in the war when their unit fell under artillery fire. It was at Mons, I believe. The Browns have just managed by letting out rooms and with the income from Malcolm. And her widow's pay, of course; which if you ask me, is disgracefully inadequate. So you see, you're helping the family by taking the rooms."
"Yes, so it would seem," Anthony replied feeling a bit sheepish by his worries when compared to the Brown family.
Edith squeezed his arm with her hand that was looped trough it. "It will be good then, that you are staying with the Browns."
"Yes, of course," he muttered in reply.
Dr. Rivers saw them settled in at Mrs. Brown's place and excused himself. "I'll call for you promptly at ten morning after next to show you how to get to my rooms. After that, you'll be able to find your way," he said quietly as he left them.
Mrs. Brown, a woman who was well rounded but tall with intelligent green eyes, showed them to Anthony's rooms on the second floor. He was to have a sitting room and a bedroom. It was clear to see that she had vacated what had been her bedroom with Mr. Brown and the small parlor that was next door. "My Malcolm's cut a door through between the two rooms, she said proudly. That way you can move about and have your privacy."
"But these were your rooms, Mrs. Brown; it is plain to see. I'm certain I could manage with something else and let you have your rooms." Anthony was upset that he might be the cause of any discomfort.
"Haven't used these rooms since my husband left," she said sadly. "Just didn't feel right without him. And now, well, I'd be pleased if You used them, Sir Anthony. My oldest boy, Henry, is alive because of your actions at Leuze Wood. Henry said that it was your information that guided the commanders in the planning and without it, his unit would have walked right into German artillery fire. He was wounded there but only a bit and was back in the trenches by Christmas that year. He lost his arm at Ypres. But he'll be glad to meet you, I know. He met you earlier in the war, you know, at one of the earlier battles at Ypres. You're a fine right gentleman, he says. Said you didn't act all superior and haughty like some of the titled officers. Said you were known to argue with the superiors about battle plans when you knew they'd be sending the men into traps."
"Your son must have held rank himself, if was privy to such information," Edith said.
"Aye, he was a captain. Earned it though, wasn't handed to him like some."
Anthony smiled wanly at Mrs. Brown. "You must be very proud,"
"I am. But I'm grateful to you, Sir Anthony. My boy said without your interference he'd have died early on. "
"Well, I'm glad I interfered then. But honestly, Mrs. Brown, I'm here because I can't remember any of it. Dr. Rivers is trying to help me but having heard stories like your son's, I'm not really sure I want to remember the war."
"Well, we'll take good care of ye while you're here, in any case. It'll be our way to repay our debt to you for my Henry."
"That's not necessary, Mrs. Brown. Whatever I might have done, it was what we were all doing there; just trying to survive and win the war so we could come home."
"Still, we'll see to your needs. I've left a stew on the stove, so I'll leave you and the Lady to get comfortable. And if there's anything you need, just ask."
Edith looked at him adoringly. "I'm not certain I want to leave you here with Mrs. Brown."
"And I don't want to be left, my sweet," he said softly before he kissed her.
"Yes, and while you are her alone with her , I'll be at Locksley wondered if she has seduced you or not," she teased.
"Seduced?" Anthony gasped. "You can't be serious. Why would she … I mean, what could she possibly see …"
"The same qualities I find in you, Anthony. Plus, you apparently saved her son's life. Yes, I have a lot to worry about."
Upset that Edith might think his eye would wander, Anthony exhaled loudly. "I would never…" he huffed.
"I know, my darling man. You and I are wholly devoted to one another. And I know I can trust you. I'm not so certain about Mrs. Brown."
"Edith, I promise that…"
Whatever he was about to say was lost in the kiss that she pulled his head down to initiate. And whatever worries he might have had dissipated as the couple made themselves quite at home in more than adequately comfortable bed.
Later in the day, Anthony reflected on the time spent in the bed and decided it was a memory he would cherish and use to sustain him as the bloody long month passed.