Big Yellow Taxi
Chapter 33
Rowan glanced around at the wooden framing of the house. She used her imagination, trying to envision what the house would look like once it was finished. It was going to be big. Maybe the biggest house on the reservation. She wondered if Derek planned to have family from his hometown come to live with him once the house was completed. The place seemed overly large for just one man.
"Will you live here by yourself?," Rowan asked. She ran the tip of her finger down one of the two by fours that made up the frame of the room she was standing in.
"Not if I can help it," Derek told her with a smile. Rowan was busy looking around the place and missed the intense way Derek was staring at her body when he spoke.
Derek put his hand on Rowan's hip, guiding her over to a large open space in the frame. The view out the space was beautiful. The hills stretched out as far as the eye could see. The trees were changing color, painting the fall landscape in beautiful shades of orange and burgundy.
"A picture window is going right here," he told her, "this is the view from the bedroom." Derek's hand moved up, wrapping around her shoulders and tucking her into his side. "Imagine waking up to this every morning," he whispered into her hair.
Like he had earlier in the kitchen, Derek took her by surprise. One minute they were talking about views and windows. And the next his lips were pressing down on hers again. Rowan pushed back, her hands bracing against his chest as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp. He held on for longer than she liked before he released his grip on her.
"There's no reason to be nervous," he told her. "Your father already told me about your situation."
Rowan cocked her head at him. Situation? What situation? She wasn't aware that she was in a situation. And if she was, she wasn't sure what any situation had to do with her not wanting to be kissed. Her confusion must have been showing plainly on her face, because Derek lowered his voice and elaborated on his statement.
"I already know you're pregnant. Some wasichu knocked you up. Your father said he stole your money and took off…"
The last part of Derek's statement came out sounding more like a question. And he looked to Rowan to confirm that what he said was true. She swallowed the hard lump in her throat and nodded her head. It was hard hearing what happened be reduced to such a simple brash statement. But everything Derek said was true. Rowan felt the tears in her eyes before they spilled over, streaking down her cheeks. When Derek pulled her into his strong arms, this time she was glad for his touch. He held her against his chest.
"You're home now," he assured her, "...and I'll make sure nothing like that ever happens to you again." Rowan felt Derek grip her tighter. But it was only for a moment. Then he was back to stroking his hands gently over her hair and rubbing her back. "I know it might take you some time to trust again," he said, "but I'm hoping you'll give me a chance."
The ride back to her father's house was quiet. Rowan was lost in her thoughts, considering what Derek proposed. He was so sure about his interest in her. It made her feel good to be wanted. And it helped to wash away the questions she had about her own self worth. She also thought about how impressed her friend was that Derek took an interest in her. Rowan never placed much significance on social or economic status. But she supposed if Derek had money to build a beautiful new home with giant windows that overlooked the landscape, that at least made it less likely that he would steal from her and scamper off like a rat in the night. Rowan didn't feel that special spark inside her when Derek touched her. But she also had to consider where listening to that spark had gotten her so far. Maybe her sparker was broken.
"I left you a note!," her father hollered over the moment Rowan climbed out of Derek's car. He was inside his shed, trying to right some of the mess she made earlier.
"If you didn't bury my bike with your junk, there wouldn't be a mess," Rowan teased. She hurried across the yard and started picking up items that had spilled from a box and scattered across the yard.
Derek went inside. He showered and got dressed for work, reappearing in a sleek gray suit with a crisp white shirt underneath. He leaned into the shed and gave Rowan a lingering kiss on the cheek before he left. Her father waited until Derek was gone to raise his eyebrows at her.
"That seems to be going well," he said. His approval of the affection between her and his friend was obvious in his tone.
"I guess," Rowan said, shrugging her shoulders. She felt relieved when Derek left for work. His intense presence was overbearing. She felt she had to constantly monitor what she said and did around him. And Rowan wasn't sure if that was a quality she wanted in a romantic partner. Or even if she was looking for a partner at all. "I don't know if I like him."
Rowan's father sighed. Of course Rowan didn't know if she liked Derek. She would rather hang around and wait for the next jobless loser homosexual artist that came along. It wasn't that Grey Wolf didn't believe in true love. But at some point reality and practicality had to at least be considered. And that point had come. Rowan was pregnant. And she had no job. No prospects. And no father for her baby. And he was not taking Rowan back home for her mother to coddle her. That's how she ended up in this mess in the first place.
"Well you need to decide," her father told her. "If you get married soon enough, no one will know the baby isn't his."