The morning was quiet and lonely and it was such a big contrast to yesterday morning. Steve hadn't slept at all, guilt keeping him up. No sound had come from upstairs during the night.
Natasha was still locked inside bedroom even after Steve came back from his perimeter check. He made breakfast, barely paying attention to what he was doing and only thinking about Natasha. He was immensely relieved that Natasha had decided to stay with him for now, but he had no idea what would happen to them.
Would Natasha remember and forgive him?
Would she never get her memories back and hate him forever?
Would she remember and still hate him?
He wished he could see into the future to know what would happen so he could prepare for it. He usually always had a plan, but this, this whole situation completely threw him off. He had no idea what to do. He only knew that he had to make amends.
He had taken advantage of her. He'd put his own happiness and needs over hers. He shouldn't have stepped into that bakery, he should have left the village after his talk with Fury. Or should he have told her who he was and more importantly who she was right from the start?
His grief had changed him so much, he had been so lost. Seeing her again when he'd thought he'd never be happy again had pushed all thoughts about responsibility away. He had been like a junkie, he'd kept coming back to her even though it had been wrong. Not for him, but for her.
Had the Red Skull known all of this would happen and was now gleefully enjoying his revenge on Steve? The Stones had taken so much from them, why were they still messing with them? Natasha didn't deserve any of this, she had sacrificed herself so everyone could live, why was she being punished? And Steve was aware of the fact that he'd made everything worse. He should be the only one being punished.
He'd heard Natasha moving around the bedroom all morning and he sighed in relief when she finally unlocked the door and came downstairs.
"I made breakfast." Steve blurted out when she walked into the kitchen.
"I made a list. I have more questions." She had a piece of paper in her hand and was barely looking him in the eyes.
Natasha barely touched her oatmeal while he answered every of her questions as good as he could. She wanted to know more about Yelena and Clint, the Red Room, when she had defected, if she'd ever been in a committed relationship, how many languages she could speak, how many people she'd killed. And many more questions.
"Do you really love me?"
That question took him by surprise.
"Yes."
"And you never told me before that you loved me?"
"No, I was too scared. And after the Snap...I failed you. I was supposed to lead us and I led us to failure. You lost your sister because of me. I couldn't tell you that I loved you because I didn't deserve you."
"Do you think I loved you, too?"
"I never knew, but I started to hope you feel the same when I came visiting you. I couldn't explain your reaction to me otherwise."
"Maybe I just felt drawn to you because you were familiar to me. I just didn't realize that."
That sentence was a punch to his gut, but he knew that she had a point.
"Maybe."
"I don't know what I feel. For you or just in general. I just want...I want to remember my life!" She pushed the bowl of oatmeal away. "This is so fucking unfair! I was up all night, trying to remember and nothing! None of this makes any sense!"
"Do you want to talk to Strange?"
Contacting him could be dangerous, but he was also the one person who could come and get Natasha out of here in a heartbeat.
"Strange?"
"Dr. Vincent."
"Right." Natasha shook her head. "No, thanks."
Of course she didn't trust anyone of them to tell her the truth, not that he could blame her. But she should talk to someone about everything. Someone with knowledge about the Soul Stone. Maybe she would be okay with talking about it with Wong?
"I think I'm dreaming the most about that planet. About Vormir." Natasha said, looking out of the window behind him. "I could never recognize this strange and dark place. And I dreamed about you. You're the man from my dreams. The one who I was looking for. The one who told me to wake up, to come home." She rubbed her temples and groaned. "God, everything is so messed up. I don't know what to do or to feel."
"I'm sorry, Natasha. I truly am. I never wanted anything of this to happen to you." He gave her a pleading look. "I should have told you who you were right from the start. I shouldn't have lied to you. I put my feelings over what you needed and I am sorry for that. I was so lost after your death and when I saw you, I couldn't let you go again. I love you, but that doesn't excuse what I did. I thought I was making you happy, but I was just prolonging your pain. I am sorry for that."
She studied him for what felt like hours, but it were only seconds.
"I believe you."
It was risky, but looking at Natasha he knew that it was the right thing for her. He owed it to her and he would and could protect her. Fury wouldn't like it, but he had been wrong about keeping Natasha in the dark, so he could be wrong about this too. Steve was done listening to people who thought they knew better but actually had no clue what they were doing.
"We're leaving."
"What?" Natasha stared at him.
"I'm taking you to Yelena." Steve said, his mind made up. "You're unhappy and hurting. And it's my fault. And you want to see your sister, so let me take you to her. Let me do this for you."
"What about people coming after me?"
"Let them try." Steve said darkly. "They have to go through me first. I won't let anyone hurt you."
A small smile appeared on her face. "Can we really go?"
"Yes. We should wait until it's dark and then we can leave. Yelena's living in Ohio. We should be there by morning."
Steve was hoping that she currently wasn't on a job. It would make things more difficult, but he could hide them if Yelena wasn't home.
"Ohio. That's the place where we pretended to be a family, right?" Steve nodded. "I can't wait to see her!"
Their bags were packed, the satellite phone was in the pocket of Steve's jacket, and as soon as it was dark enough they locked up the cabin and left.
Natasha was excited to see her sister, asking him questions about her that he was unable to answer. He'd never met Yelena in person. He could only retell what Natasha had told him about her sister, about her family and their time in Ohio.
She asked him if he'd any siblings and he told her about Bucky and Sam who were like his brothers. She didn't seem like she could really wrap her mind around the fact that he had been born in 1918 and asked him about the roaring twenties. Not that he could tell her much since he had been too young and too poor to experience much of that time.
It was nice that she was talking to him, but he knew that she was only doing it because they would be on the road for hours and she was excited to see her sister. Her sister who had no idea that Natasha was alive again. He hoped that Yelena wasn't going to kill him after she found out about everything. He would certainly deserve it, but he didn't want to die yet.
"Thank you for taking me to Ohio, Steve."
"Don't thank me. It's the least can I do for you." He gave her a little smile.
"I've been thinking about what I would have done if the roles were reversed and I get it. I'm not happy about it and I still feel used and lied to, but I don't know how I would have reacted if I had been in your shoes. You seem important to me, I remembered you in a way. We were close before my accident." She shook her head. "Death. It still feels weird. I was dead." She took a deep breath. "I came back to , it sounds so ridiculous, but I can feel it in my bones that it's true. It explains why I felt so out of place. And to be honest, I don't want to remember my death. But I wanna remember everything else."
"Your memories are still there."
"I thought about what you told me about my seizure in the woods and the headaches I had at the cabin. Maybe you're the one triggering them. That fake FBI agent triggered nothing and the almost seizure in Albany felt different. I think it really was caused by the lights and noises and not something else. Maybe you are getting me to remember."
He didn't know what to reply to that. He didn't want to think so highly of himself anymore. He'd hoped that he would make her remember eventually, but he knew now that it had to happen on her terms.
He looked up into the rear-view mirror and saw that the same car was behind them for over twenty minutes now. It could mean nothing and the driver just had a similar destination or they were being followed. And with Steve's luck it was the latter.
His eyes were glued to the rear-mirror and Natasha seemed to notice.
"What's wrong?"
"I can't tell for sure, but there's a chance we're being followed."
"What?"
"I'll change directions at the next junction. If that car is still behind us then I'll shake them off. Don't worry. You're the one who taught me how to get out of a situation like this."
"Uh-huh. I'd feel better if I remembered that."
The junction was empty so Steve could do a U-turn. He drove past the intersection light and was about to turn left when a car came out of nowhere and rammed their own car. Steve lost control of the car and the car collided with a traffic light.
There was only one thing on his mind.
"Natasha? Are you okay?"
He got no answer. Fuck. He looked over to her and her head was against the car window and blood was on her airbag.
Oh God, no!
He checked her pulse and thanked every deity when he found one. He had to get her out of here and he needed to contact Fury. This wasn't a car accident, this was an attack.
The other car that had hit them was gone, but he could see the one that had been following them parked in the middle of the empty road. A man and a woman got out of the car, but he couldn't make out their faces through the cracked car window.
Steve used his full strength and kicked off the car door towards their direction, hoping to knock them down. He wouldn't let them get to Natasha. He ripped off his seat belt, got out of the car and ran to Natasha's side. He opened her door and got her carefully out of the car, praying that none of her bones were broken and she didn't have internal bleeding. There was a gush on her right temple and a bit of blood underneath her nose. God, don't let her have another head trauma!
He looked for the man and woman, and only the man was still coming towards them. Steve could now recognize him.
John Walker was coming towards them. The man who'd wanted to be Captain America, but had been turned down because Steve had chosen Sam. The man who'd gotten his hands on a super soldier serum and was now a mercenary after killing someone in cold blood. Someone had hired him to track down Natasha. Steve knew that with every fiber of his being and he also knew that he wasn't going to let Walker even touch a hair on Natasha's head.
He checked Natasha's pulse again and it was still going strong. He looked back up at Walker who was now joined again by the woman. He'd never seen her before. She held up her hand and she and Walker stopped walking towards them.
"I'm Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. Actually, it's Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. I know it's hard, but I don't like to repeat myself, so you can just call me Val. But don't call me Val, just keep it in your head. And I'm here for Miss Romanoff."