KingVessel: My. God. I knew that Kaleidostick Shirou Fanfics were rare but... All of your responses to this plot bunny really just... Now I'm just nervous about fucking this up.

"What did you do to me?!" Shirou snapped to the Kaleidostick two minutes later, with Inui unconscious beside him after Emerald had flashed a weird light at her to 'erase the last ten seconds'.

"I just chose you as my Master, Shirou Emiya." Emerald replied, completely unbothered as she watched the redhead help the unconscious teacher up into a seating position on a chair. "You should be pleased. Not only would many magi do their best to be in your shoes, my stylish choices are much better than what my little sisters might have chosen for you."

"Right, you did mention something like that." Shirou muttered as he left the room open in a way that clearly displayed Inui inside. Just so that she wasn't accidentally locked in when school would close. "Ruby and Sapphire, you said? How many of you are there?"

"Just us three." Emerald chirped as she hid herself in his inner blazer pocket. "Obviously, I'm the eldest."

"Right..." Shirou gave a wave to the librarian and quickly found himself a computer. Going online didn't give him any relevant clues to either 'Kaleidostick' or 'Zelretch'. "I can't find anything about you."

"I'm not the kind of stuff you'd find in the Internet." Emerald chuckled. "Although, now that we're right before a connection to a vast collection of information. Let's see now..."

Shirou shivered as Emerald moved underneath his blazer and down his right sleeve. Sticking out it's handle(in a way that once again had Shirou internally questioning how metal could be so wiggly and flexible), the pearl at the bottom glowed before morphing into a USB connector and slotting itself into the CPU. "What?! How can you do something like that?!"

"Never underestimate a Kaleidostick. As sentient creations of Kischur Zelretch Schweinorg, we break rules, logic, customs and realities mostly for our entertainment, no matter how much Sapphire tries to deny it." Emerald hummed as the computer flicked through many sites and images at her will. Shirou frowned when most of them started centering on jujitsu, karate, weapon proficiency and the like. "Yes, yes, this is promising. Humans sure are reliable in making new ways to hurt each other as creatively as possible. Now then..."

Emerald unplugged from the computer and somehow leered at Shirou despite not possessing eyes. "Grab me."

Shirou blinked before swiftly covering her with his handkerchief, preventing skin-to-skin contact as he wrestled her into his bag. "How stupid do you think I am?!"

After the immensely weird 'thing' that had happened earlier, Shirou definitely wouldn't be taking any chances like that again.

"Emiya? Are you alright? You slept through the whole period."

Shirou sighed as Issei Ryuudou woke him up. With their last period ending earlier due to their teacher receiving a surprise call from his pregnant wife, Shirou had fallen into a sleeping spell to deal with the sudden headache that had started to plague him. "Sorry, Issei. This migraine just came out of nowhere..."

"We've just closed for the day." Issei placed a hand against Shirou's head, frowning when it felt much warmer than it should. "You should head home right away. I'll tell Mitsuzuri that you won't be joining your club for the day."

Normally, Shirou would've refused but even he knew that a headache bad enough to make him this lethargic needed no aid in worsening.

'Doubly so if I'll be holding a bow and arrow in my hands.' Shirou reasoned as Issei helped him out of his seat and started accompanying out of the school.

"Ah, perfect timing." Issei's eyes narrowed in on someone as they entered the school compound. "Matou! Over here, please!"

"Is something wrong?" Sakura Matou asked as she approached them, her violet eyes deep with worry when she gazed upon Shirou's flushed face.

"Yes, actually. Emiya needs someone to accompany him home as he suddenly caught a headache." Issei gestured to Shirou, who would've protested that it wasn't as bad as it looked, if not for the fact that the strange prickling underneath his skin was growing stronger than before. "There's nobody else that I can trust to handle somebody as stubborn as him."

"I understand, Ryuudou-senpai." Apparently, Sakura was on the same page as Issei because she instantly put herself under his shoulder while Issei left to get Shirou's bicycle. "How did this happen to you, Senpai?"

Sakura Matou had never considered her luck to be a steadfast factor.

She'd been separated from her birth family and given to a new one that had a patriarch who didn't treat his children (or anybody at all) well, biological or foster. (Bad)

She'd instantly became the favorite of her former mother's friend who was now her uncle. (Good)

Her 'grandfather' had instantly put her through 'training' for the Matou Family's craft, endlessly for two long painful months. (Bad)

Her uncle had encountered Kiritsugu Emiya and had struck a deal, which culminated in the death of Zouken Matou. (Good)

Not only did her uncle never tell her what he did or gave in return for the Magus Killer's services, her foster father Byakuya took Shinji-nii-san (just as they were finally starting to bond) away as soon as he could, leaving them and the country behind. (Bad)

Uncle Kariya happily raised her himself, granting Sakura sorely due happiness while regaining a sense of purpose he never knew he had lost. (Good)

Nee-san rarely ran into her in school, never speaking a single sentence that indicated them as sisters, still raw from the deaths of Tokiomi and Aoi Tohsaka until she finally went away too, heading to England. (Bad)

(While Sakura still felt some grief for her former parents and Uncle Kariya still took her to the funeral, she distinctly remembered him vocally resisting the urge to stomp on Tokiomi's grave after he had dropped Aoi's favorite flowers on hers.

Sakura wouldn't have minded. He was the one to give her to Zouken, after all.)

Senpai also ran into her at school, being the foster son of the man who had saved her. It also helped that he was naturally helpful to everyone and even her usually overprotective uncle had given him some approval. (Good)

And now, something (Bad) was here again. Shirou was usually quite healthy, especially with how he'd never reported a single sick day in his school career. But at the moment, he was actually struggling to walk with his own feet without falling over.

"Urgh..." Shirou moaned as he grabbed at his face again, the reddening of his skin worsening bit by bit as he leaned a little more of his weight on her.

Sakura bit her lip as she correctly discovered the cause. 'His Magic Circuits are activated, but he doesn't know what's really happening to him otherwise he'd have blown off the excess prana with a spell... If Senpai can't find a way to drain away the excess energy that's building up...'

"Sorry to bother you this, Sakura." Shirou chuckled weakly. "I'm sure I'll be fine soon."

'Senpai won't be fine at all if this goes on.' Sakura gripped his waist tightly, looking around for- There, it was. "Let's take a break on that bench."

"Hmm..." It was an ominous sign of how out of it he was that Shirou instantly laid himself across Sakura's lap the moment they sat down, too weak to hold himself up and too out of it to try and deny the usually ludicrous positions his absurd luck landed him with girls.

Many of his male classmates still couldn't decide whether he was blessed or cursed to have somehow have an almost daily 'ecchi' scene with a girl in exchange for the retaliatory physical pain.

(It spoke a lot of Shirou's unstable luck that most of the pain he usually received weren't from the girls in question.)

She still remembered that day when a shelf in the library had rotted away at the roots and had fallen over on Shirou and Ayako, trapping them in such a way that while Shirou had borne the brunt of the damage, he'd still been stuck with his face in Mitsuzuri-senpai's chest for thirty uninterrupted minutes until the shelf got removed...

"U-Um... Senpai? This is... You shouldn't be..." Sakura said weakly, her face now matching Shirou's skin in color, although for a wholly different reason. Slowly, her expression of embarrassment turned to something gentler as she idly ran her hands through his hair. "Maybe like this, I can..."

The red returned as her gaze focused on his panting lips.

"Right... I just need... to take the excess... It's really... necessary..." Gulping suddenly, Sakura hesitated a bit... before bringing her own lips closer...

Nothing seemed real.

Shirou had returned home, entered his room, crawled into bed, and fallen asleep instantly. He was quite sure he had fallen asleep.

So why did he feel so aware?

Shirou could feel every hair on his body standing on end. He could count the dust particles in the air. He could smell the faint scent of Irisviel's perfume on his uniform after she hugged him goodbye many hours ago. He could hear Sella arguing with Leysritt over something regarding dinner.

Even the loud pumping of his heartbeat felt too real to be reality.

"Emiya..." A soft, elegant voice whispered.

Oh, it was that dream again. To his great shame, he was often plagued with it, especially due to his 'accidents' as his partner often took the form of one of his classmates, or even rarely enough, Sella or Leysritt.

He wasn't sure when she had entered his room, or when she had knelt by the side of his futon, but he certainly felt it when she began kissing him.

Her lips were cool, soothing at first. Gentle touches, the mere brush of her lips against his own, tracing his jawline, running down his neck.

"Emiya..." She whispered.

Shirou couldn't say anything in return.

It was like his mind was wading through thick fog as his body moved on it's own, his hands ripping away the obstacle that was her clothing and seeking the soft, warm flesh hidden away.

She herself gave no resistance, even making him hastier when she pressed her mouth to his bare neck.

If her lips were cool, her tongue was impossibly warm as it left a wet, scorching trail across his jaw while Shirou worked his way beneath the bra, feeling the warm flesh shiver beneath his fingertips. Her own hands had been pressing their mouths together, but that was clearly no longer needed he attacked her neck, so she took the opportunity to reach down and undo the fastenings of her skirt.

Finally rid of that, she pushed him back onto the futon, and straddled him, in awe of his shaft before he rose her up by her hips and gently let her mount him.

She moved atop him easily, a eager rider bucking atop her willing steed. Passionate. Insatiable.

"Emiya..." She muttered. "Give it to me..."

With a growl, Shirou turned them over and moved his hips harshly, relishing in her cries and moans as she hugged him close, letting herself be the sheath for his iron as the pleasure grew in time with a heat so intense he thought his very blood would boil out through his skin.

"Give it all to me..."

Against the hardness and heat of his body, her body was soft and cool to the touch, even as he hiked her legs up into the air to thrust deeper into her and admired the spread of her long shimmery amethyst hair.

"Emiya... senpai..."

"Gah!" Shirou gasped as he woke up later in his room, dressed in his underclothes while his school uniform was folded beside him. 'Sakura?! Not her who adores me so much... That's no good...!'

"Had a good dream, huh? Looks like that magus girl did well."

Shirou fought down the urge to scream as Emerald popped out of his bag to fly around him, back in her 'toy' mode. "Emerald, what... what happened to me?"

"What happened... was mostly my fault." Emerald sheepishly scratched the back of her head... with her wing. "I activated your Circuits... that is your magical container and caused you to build up energy without directing it into something, thereby causing your body to overheat. When a body like your's detects an anomaly, it usually flushes itself with prana to expel the cause, except-"

"-my problem was too much prana not being used in the first place." Shirou finished the sentence, now understanding better. "It's like a loop. Body overheats from magic. Magic is created and used to flush out the problem. More magic gets built up even further. Body overheats even more now. Repeat... Wait, how did I know that?!"

"Exactly!" Emerald nodded as she smoothly ignored the last bit that was asked of her. "You should remember to thank that Matou girl tomorrow. She's the reason you're fine, now."

'Does she mean Sakura?' Shirou blinked in surprise as he fought down the blush that came with the memory of his dream. 'Sakura knows magic and all of this stuff?'

Emerald wiggled her wand handle. "Now grab me and be filled with this era's knowledge and experience of martial arts!"

'Who am I even going to use that on?' Shirou frowned. "I can't see how it's necessary for me to know all that."

"And I can't see how you can't see that it's awesome to do so!" Emerald instantly replied. "Besides, since when is having immense fighting skill a bad thing, especially since you won't have to go through the long periods of tediously beating those skills into your body?"

'...well, I guess I can humor her a bit. Besides, on the off chance it becomes necessary...' Sighing exasperatedly, Shirou grabbed Emerald, shuddered in place and promptly fainted again.

"Hey, his brain's not mush and he isn't giving even a tiny bleed from his nose! I knew he'd be worthy."

When Shirou woke up four hours later, Emerald would probably agree that she deserved the smack that had sent her careening through his window.

*BLAM!*

Kariya Matou looked up from his computer as Sakura rushed past the hallway and up the stairs, her face startling red. "Sakura? Are you alright?"

"I-I-I'm fine, Uncle!" Sakura stammered, her eyes lost as she absentmindedly traced her lips before shaking her head. "I'm okie- I mean okay, really. I just n-need to have a talk with S-S-S-Senpai tomorrow."

"Oh? Did something good happen with the Emiya boy?" Kariya teased, pleased at his niece's obvious crush as she gaped at him.

"How did you know?!" Sakura gasped before shaking her head. "No, no. That's not the important thing right now. I just need... that book to help him...!"

And before Kariya could inquire further, Sakura practically raced up to her room. "Strange... I'll ask her about it at dinner."

KingVessel: Heh...