*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(Where applicable)
[Season 3 opening credits]
In the not-to-distant future
Next Sunday A.D.
There was a guy named Joel
Not too different from you or me
He worker at Gizmonic Institute
Just another face in a red jumpsuit
He did a good job cleaning up the place
But his bosses didn't like him so they shot him into space!
"We'll send him cheesy fanfic!
The worst we can find! (la la la)
He'll have to sit and read them all
And we'll monitor his mind!" (la la la)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
Where the fanfics begin or end (la la la)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends
Robot Roll Call (all right let's go)
Cambot! (Pan left)
Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)
Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)
Crooooow! (Oh, wisecracker!)
If you're wondering how he eats and breathes
And other science facts (la la la)
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just a MSTing
I should really just relax"
For The Mysterious Fanfiction Theater 2000!
[This scene opens with the Bridge of the Satellite of Love]
[Dracula had prepared an Easter Egg Hunt for all his bots. It was going to be a fun afternoon on this holiday.]
[The two were getting ready]
GYPSY: Alright, baby bro, today's the big Easter Egg hunt!
JOEL: Yay! This is gonna be fun! I'm gonna find so many pretty eggs!
GYPSY: That's right, and it'll be even more fun if you stay away from your big sister and her zing
JOEL: You and who?
*BANG*
[Just then both Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot enter the bridge from the right.]
TOM: Crow! My Zing-Zing, silly!
CROW: Wait, Tom is your zing?!
JOEL: Mommy says you're too young to zing!
GYPSY: Look, you have fun and go find all the eggs you can while Joel and I spend quality time together
JOEL: If you don't bother me the entire time during the Easter Egg hunt, I'll give you the rest of my leftover Halloween candy that I didn't eat.
TOM: Yay, candy!
CROW: Okay, my zing, are you ready for the best Easter Egg hunt ever?!
TOM: Ready to be the greatest egg hunter ever?!
JOEL: Yeah!
[Gypsy, who had become snagged on a conduit pipe, unwinds herself and checks a nearby console.]
GYPSY: This will be fun!
JOEL: Big sis, big sis!
GYPSY: Look at my basket! Look at it!
[Gypsy took a good look at the basket, she recognized it as her own basket that she had when she was Willie's age, with slight changes, however]
CROW: Why do you have your snail in your basket?
TOM: Snailly's gonna help me find eggs!
CROW: We're gonna find a bunch of eggs!
TOM: That's cute, Willie, but didn't I tell you not to bother me and Crow?
CROW: You told me to not bother you during the Easter Egg Hunt
JOEL: (sighs) wait a minute, guys. Witch and Santa Claus are calling.
[Deep 13 Laboratory]
[Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank was late. After blond he apologized and started to train with the others.]
DR. F: Ah, hello again, Easter Bunny. [Approaches the console.] I'm a moment to drink H2O
FRANK: Water, right?
DR. F: Grab a bottle away from the other, Frank! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAH! [clears throat] Well now, before we go and claim our winnings, let's conducts the Invention Exchange. Do you have yours ready?
[SOL]
[Joel is stretched out in a webbed deck chair, while cooling himself with a hand fan.]
JOEL: Here it is, sirs. You know how, when it's spring out, you just want to sit somedays in the nice, warm sun with a good book? We all do. But before too long, what happens? You're all warm and the mosquitoes find you.
[From above, strings drop with plastic flies on the ends, landing on Joel's face and body. He waves at them, knocking them away only to have them swing back in.]
JOEL: Alright, all you little monsters! Who's ready to hunt for eggs?!
[The bots cheered loudly.]
JOEL: Okay! Let the hunt, BEGIN! WHAT DO YOU THINK, SIRS?
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Not bad, Joel. There are a football club here, though. But you'll love our little invention. We're going to see WrestleMania tonight.
[SOL]
JOEL: Uh, Dr. F, that doesn't seem too evil…
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Oh, that's right. I neglected to mention what happens when your boss.
DR. F: Ladies and gentle-mouse, Pokemons, and Orangutans….Louie, Mortimer, and Meowth are proud to present: Daisy
[Placing the card aside, Dr. F starts to chuckle again.]
DR. F: Anyway, my little lab mice, for your experiment today, I've decided to give a PerkyGoth14's very first story.
[SOL]
Joel: Very First story by PerkyGoth14
[Deep 13]
DR. F [wicked smile]: No, today you'll be looking into the saccharine world of Mike, Lu, and Og.
[SOL]
JOEL: *groans*
TOM: [pained] No!
CROW: [excited] Yes, short skirts galore!
[Deep 13]
DR. F: Ah, so I see your familiar with the lunar menace and her authoritarian squad. Well then, you'll be happy to know it also features a self-insertion. FAWAHAHAHA! Frank, let's knock them for a loop!
FRANK: As you wish your green clad madness.
[SOL]
[The Bots had already found a bunch of eggs.]
JOEL: Wow, look at all those eggs we found, Tom!
[Lights flash, buzzers buzz and pandemonium erupts.]
JOEL: AAHH! WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!
TOM: We're so good at this!
[Joel slams random button]
[We cut to the opening door sequence]
[6][5][4][3][2][1]
[Inside the theatre]
[Joel carries Tom to his seat on the left, while Crow sits to Joel's right]
Mike, Lu, ang OG opening theme
TOM: Wow, that's amazing!
How It All Began
JOEL: (as author) I have complete and utter control over their destiny! HAHAHA!
It was just another typical day at St. Albans school in Manhattan, New York. There was a young tomboyish girl with ginger pigtails, a golden ear-ring pierce in her uniform with another boy with a backwards blue baseball cap in his uniform and a girl with long black hair down and a purple hairbow. They were Michelanne "Mike" Mavinsky and her two best friends, Max and Melissa.
They were walking to school together and got in the hallways as other students were going to class and chattering with each other. The three friends talked among themselves and saw one of the mistresses putting a poster up in a hall by their lockers and left. It said: "Become a Foreign Exchange Student for the Albonquetine Islands. It's a Learning Experience in a whole new sandbox."
CROW: Et al?'
JOEL: Gah! What is that?!
Max, Mike and Melissa each glanced at it in wonder. "You think they're trying to get rid of us?" Max thought aloud.
"Must be, I remember when Sister Mary Margaret gave you detention for a month for skateboarding over the bicycles at recess." Melissa commented.
Mike laughed a bit. "That was actually pretty funny. I think I should join this foreign exchange program, it'd be interesting."
TOM: (grumbling) Too late.
Max and Melissa stared at Mike. She looked from left to right to them and shrugged her shoulders.
"I dunno, Mike. It sounds a little extreme," Max said.
"Yeah, this is a deserted island, what if the islanders are savages and try to eat you or something?" Melissa added.
CROW: I don't know!
"I just think it'd be fun. I'll be sure to tell you guys and my parents about my adventure." Mike said with a smile.
TOM: We would enjoy it if enjoyment was in our contract.
JOEL: What happened?!
TOM: Oh, right.
"Promise to write us everyday?" Melissa asked.
"I promise." Mike said.
CROW: Okay, Easter basket while he wasn't looking!.
JOEL: Crow don't start.
That day it was just another day at school, Mike stayed after the last class and discussed the foreign exchange program. The teachers were okay with it and now Mike just had to discuss it with her parents. Meanwhile on the island, there was a woman with long red-brown hair reaching to her torso and wore lavender islander clothes with matching earrings and had a white pearl necklace. She was packing her bags.
"But Mommy!" The young island girl wearing a similar outfit, only green and golden hoop earrings cried to her mother. "Why are you going away?"
JOEL: Wh-who would do something like that?!
"I'm sorry Lu dearest, but Mummy thought it would be interesting to go meet some new people in a big city. Your Daddy will be here and you must promise to take care of your turtle, Lancelot."
The turtle by their feet gulped and hid in his shell, shaking with fear.
TOM: We don't know,
JOEL: Tom, we won't really talk to us! He's very upset about this!
"Mommy, can't I go with you? What if the new kid is mean to me?"
"Sweetie," the island woman kneeled down to the young girl's height. "I'll be back, I promise. And don't let some native kid push you around because you are my little princess."
CROW: Unless my hair is on fire.
"Princess?"
"Yes Lulu, you will always be my princess and no one should dare make mistake of that."
TOM: I'm gonna make them pay!
"I'll make you proud, Mommy."
"Mommy also promises to tell you about my time in this island called... New Dork?"
CROW: New Dork?
"New York," a distant voice said. There was a boy with his brown hair sticking up wearing a blue loincloth and a golden nose ring. "It's a place in Manhattan where the exchange student will be, Aunt Lula Belle. You will both trade locations for the year and we will see you again soon. I doubt the new friend we both make won't be savage, but they are much different from our culture."
JOEL: You will do no such thing!
TOM: Joel, what happened?!
"Thank you, Og." the mother and daughter replied.
Lu sighed as she looked up at her mother. "Who'll take care of me while I'm gone, Mummy?"
CROW: "Go to your room"?
"If she's not too busy." Mike said.
"Hmm..." Jamie paused. "Only if she doesn't get crazy jealous from Wendy or Little Debbie if you see them. I know how much those girls used to like you before you met Lil."
JOEL: Who would do something like that?!
TOM: I bet it was one of my dumb brothers!
The next day, the Albonquetine Islanders were by the ocean. Even three animals that weren't turtles like Lancelot, there was a porcupine, a pig, and a goat and they stood by Og as he smiled at them and petted them. Lula Belle went over to the islanders as all her bags were packed in the boat she would take to New York.
"Goodbye Wendell," Lula Belle hugged her husband, a man with gray hair, a nose ring attached to a golden clock and had an orange grass skirt.
TOM: Let's not jump to conclusions, Joel
"Goodbye Lula Belle." Wendell cried.
"Goodbye Lu, my princess." Lula Belle bent down and hugged her daughter and kissed her on the forehead.
"Goodbye Mummy!" Lu bawled, hugged her father, crying with him.
TOM: Audience 0.
"Goodbye Og." Lula Belle hugged the young island boy.
CROW: we give you final farewell
"So long, farewell." Og said with nearly no emotion.
TOM: (as John Cleese) A bucket for madame?
JOEL: There's no way he'd misplaced it.
"Goodbye Marjorie." Lula Belle hugged Og's mother who wore a cream-colored native dressing with a golden necklace and matching earrings.
"Goodbye Lula Belle." Marjorie wiped a tear.
CROW: Yeah, you're right,
"Goodbye Alfred." Lula Belle didn't hug the man before her. He had slicked up brown hair, a nose ring, a necklace with a shark tooth at the end and wore a pink grass skirt.
"Carry on, Lula Belle, I'll catch a wombat for you once you return to our wonderful island paradise!" Alfred cheered for himself.
TOM: Yeah!
ALL: EWWWWW!
"Goodbye Old Queeks," Lula Belle was about to hug the village elder, a hunchbacked bald elderly man in a lime green grass skirt and had a cane and nose ring.
"Oh get on with it!" Old Queeks smacked his cane on her hands. "In my day when people left, they left without a word and we didn't even miss them! Now get going!"
CROW: Oh, but what did she "snort"?
JOEL: Yeah, then we'll beat the thief up!
"I know who I won't miss." Lula Belle muttered to Marjorie. She then got on the boat. "Goodbye everyone!" Lula Belle paddled deep into the ocean while everyone waved and cried to her.
TOM: We'll talk about that later
"This exchange student better be worth it!" Lu snapped as she crossed her arms.
JOEL: Singing strange songs starring Sissy Spacek.
Lancelot nodded his head and looked up at her, even though he wasn't sure what she was talking about.
Og looked close in the distance and took out a bottle. He looked through it and saw a different boat on the way. "I see someone!" Og called out.
"What? What is it?" Lu rambled as she looked all around. "WHO IS THERE!? Is it my Great-Uncle Bernard? He saved you from a tree you know."
CROW: (as Daffy Duck) I would like? I would like a trip to Europe!
"I know, I was there." Og rolled his eyes at her. "I see... I see someone I have never seen before."
JOEL: (as Mike) None of us can afford it, but it's nice to dream...
"That must be the new friend we're all going to make!" Wendell chimed.
"I'll get my catching on that wombat for Lula Belle now!" Alfred chimed as he took out his plunger gun.
TOM: (Mike) We're going to the Edge and back!
"Why are you so eager on hunting a wombat all of a sudden?" Marjorie asked while raising an eyebrow. "You never caught anything for me."
The boat got on shore and Mike grabbed her backpack and bags, looking around. She was dressed more for the summer than for her traditional school uniform. She wore a short-sleeved red shirt with a red skirt and matching red sneakers. "Wow, they were really right, this is a whole new sandbox." Mike remarked as she took off her sunglasses.
CROW: If she says 'of my old boyfriend'...
"WELCOME TO ALBONQUETINE!" the islanders all chanted at once.
Mike screamed and jumped back a little at the surprise.
[ All three give blank stares]
JOEL: Who are you and what have you done to the real Mike?
"Hi." Og smiled and waved at Mike.
TOM: ...who was hands down the most boring stiff I've ever run across!
"There goes the neighborhood," Lu scoffed as she crossed her arms. She then bumped a pine tree which knocked a coconut down on Lancelot's head and into her arms. "This is a coconut," Lu shoved the coconut in Mike's face. "Understand? Co-co-nut..." Lu enunciated slowly while Mike rolled her eyes.
"Alright, I get it, it's a coconut, I'm not an idiot you know." Mike pushed the coconut down.
"Welcome to the island, Michelanne." Marjorie smiled.
Mike rolled her eyes, but smiled politely. "Thank you, but please, call me Mike."
TOM: So do we.
CROW: In many and various ways.
JOEL: Mostly through the distorted eyes of deranged fanboys.
After a while, Mike and the others had a meet and greet. Despite what Lu said, they both became friends, even with Og. The islanders adjusted with Mike pretty well and Mike thought she did too, but she already felt homesick and messaged her parents when possible. As Mike went to bed that night she wondered what adventures awaited her while staying at the Albonquetine Island with her new friends, Lu and Og.
THE END
TOM: It's over
JOEL: Let's move out, guys.
[JOEL picks up Tom, and the three leave the theater]
[1][2][3][4][5][6]
[Bridge of the Satellite of Love]
TOM: Alright, we have our major suspects!
JOEL [off-screen]: Tom, how do you know they're the ones that took it?
TOM: (angrily) Because they always mess with You.
JOEL [o.s.]: You have to understand, Dennis, my brothers aren't nice monsters, so they'll definitely do something like this!
TOM: Oh, right. Ow!
JOEL [o.s.]: Oh, for...! Hold still, Servo! Damn! It ripped! Hey, Crow, pass me one of those garter belts...
CROW [o.s.]: Oh, sure thing, JOEL...
[Cambot pans back, to show that Joel and the Bots are... making dresses. Crow disappears under the table briefly then swiftly appears again.]
CROW: Here y'go!
[As Joel takes it, Tom looks over]
TOM: Hey! That's blue! I wanted a green one!
JOEL: You just made me rip the last the green one, Servo.
CROW: Oh, come on, Servo! Take it like a Bot!
TOM: (insulted) You took my eggs and my snail without telling me.
CROW: It's okay, little sis,
TOM: If you want, you can keep my basket!
CROW: Aww, that's very sweet of you, Willie!
TOM: Thanks, baby sister!
CROW: Come on, guys,
JOEL: Let's leave them alone for a little while.
CROW: I want to thank you, guys! You're the best!
TOM: We sure are, little brother!
CROW: You two have fun!
TOM: (sarcastic) Yay!
Joel [over the Bots argument]: What did you think, Sir.
[Deep 13]
Frank: But now, we must sleep. Goodnight, goodnight, Daisy., Joel!
Dr. F: That's my line, stupid! Gracias, Frank, thank you. Tomorrow is a new day and I will try to find your Prince Sasuke. Untill Next time, Joel. [presses the button]
{psssssscht}
[The screen goes black]
[Roll Credits to Mighty Science Theater]
Disclaimer: MST3K and related characters/settings/situations are the
property of Best Brains Inc, however they had nothing to do with writing this up.
This mystification was done for the express purpose of entertainment,
and is not meant as a personal attack on the original author(s) in any
way.