Chapter 9: Find it in your heart

It was early in the afternoon, and Willas had left her a while ago already, when Sansa heard a knock on her door. She had been busy doing needlework with Jennisei.

"Could you get it, please?" she asked her handmaiden, not willing to take her eyes off her delicate work.

"Yes, my lady."

Jennisei got up and made her way to the door, opening it to see Margaery and her own handmaiden.

"Lady Margaery, good morning," she told her, dipping into a deep curtsy for her.

Sansa raised her eyes at the mention of her friend's name, smiling warmly to her. She was wearing another demure gown, made of silk with a greyish blue colour; this one had no sleeves, but it still covered her body more than what Sansa was used to see her wear, without any trace of cleavage, bareback or slashes around the waist revealing her skin. She also had a Myrish lace shawl held by an elegant golden rose pin. Her friend certainly had taken it to heart when Sansa had told her that her brother, mother and the whole North would take to her more if she was dressing modestly.

"Good morning, sister," Margaery smiled towards her as she walked in. "I hope I'm not interrupting."

"Not at all," Sansa replied, stashing her work away. "Did you need something?"

"I was getting ready to leave for an orphanage in the inner city, and thought I'd invite you, if you want to come along."

Sansa frowned.

"The inner city?"

"I'm sorry, I forget you have not been here long. The inner city is where the poorest live here - I have been in Flea Bottom when I was in King's Landing, and it is quite similar."

Sansa felt her blood turning to ice. To say that she had bad memories from Flea Bottom would be an understatement.

"Why would we go there?" she asked.

"Well, as I said, I wanted to pay a visit to an orphanage - bring them some food, toys. Spend some time with them, talk and play together. I have been there quite often before I left Highgarden."

"I... I think I'd... rather not go to such a place, thank you."

Margaery took a short moment to ponder her friend's words before she sat next to her on the couch.

"Why not?"

"It's dangerous. I don't really see the point."

Margaery giggled.

"It's not dangerous! I have been there plenty of times. The smallfolk may be poor, but they are no worse than us in nature. If you give them a chance, you will see it as well."

Sansa lowered her gaze.

"I was in Flea Bottom once - when Princess Myrcella left for Dorne. There was a mob - a riot. They attacked us. There were so many of them, and so few of us - I got separated from the escort, and these... these men cornered me. I was terrified."

Margaery was listening in silence.

"They tried to hurt me - force themselves on me. The Hound saved me from them, but I'll never forget their eyes - the pure hatred in them. They hated me, these men, even though I'd never seen them, or done anything to them. I had nightmares for weeks after that."

"These men didn't hate you," her friend said. "They hated the highborn girl that was betrothed to the mad king whose war was starving them."

When Sansa said nothing, Margaery asked:

"If you were starving, not knowing when you and your children are going to be able to eat next, and I came to you to give you food - could you find it in your heart to hate me? To wish harm upon me?"

"No," Sansa conceded.

"These people are no different. I'm so sorry for what happened to you that day - I can't imagine the fear you felt, but these men hated Joffrey and the Lannisters - not you."

She smiled.

"I've visited this orphanage, and other establishments in the inner city, plenty of times before I left. Back in her times of being Lady of Highgarden, my grandmother did a lot of charitable work, as well - she taught me the importance of it."

"Why go yourself? Could you not just send the food and toys? Is it not good enough?"

"I could - but it is better if I go myself, if their caretakers know they can come to me for help, if they can all see that we care enough to go ourselves, spend time with them. It is quite rewarding, and humbling at the same time."

She smiled.

"Many houses are like the Lannisters - they rule their people by fear. We chose to be different - to rule our people by benevolence."

The only way to ensure people are loyal to you is to make sure they fear you more than they fear the enemy, Cersei's voice echoed in her mind.

"People who love their liege are quite unlikely to revolt," Margaery continued. "I'm certain your lord father was loved in the North. He must have been, for all of his bannermen to take the sword against the crown in his name."

If I'm ever queen, I'll make them love me. This time, it was her past thoughts that were coming back to her, and she remembered thinking those exact words when Cersei had explained ruling by fear.

I meant it when I thought it then, Sansa told herself. I am no queen - but I'm Willas' wife. I will be Lady of Highgarden one day. I want them to love me, not fear me.

"Are you positive we will be safe?"

"Of course! You are not Joffrey's betrothed in Flea Bottom anymore - you are Willas' wife, my sister. There is nothing to fear, I swear it. I'm certain everyone will love you."

"I'll come, then - I trust you."

Margaery beamed, taking her hand in hers.

"I'm so glad! Everything is ready - Jennisei is welcome as well, and Ellena will be coming, too. Shall we go?"

Sansa nodded, and the two young ladies left the room, their handmaidens in tow.

Because the streets of the inner city were too tight for carriages, they had to make their way to the orphanage by getting carried in a litter, a small escort of Tyrell guards following them.

"Is that Lady Margaery?" Sansa heard a voice say outside as their little cortege passed by smallfolks. "Has she returned to Highgarden?"

"Lady Margaery!" other people clamored.

Inside their litter, Margaery's facial expression became sadder. The people clamoring reminded her of the people in King's Landing shouting their love as she and her family left, begging her to stay.

"Is everything all right?" Sansa kindly asked.

"When we left King's Landing - people were pleading for us to stay. They knew it was House Tyrell that had kept them fed - and they knew what it meant to see us leave. If I had been their queen-"

"You would have made them happy," Sansa completed for her.

She smiled.

"Cersei once told me your people should fear you more than they do the enemy, and I remember... I remember thinking it was wrong. That if I was ever queen, I'd make the people love me."

Margaery gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"You may not be queen, but you will be a wonderful lady for Highgarden and the Reach. People will love you, of that I am sure."

"And if Willas manages to convince my brother, you will be a wonderful queen for the North. I'm certain the people will grow to love you - they grew to love my lady mother a lot, and she was from the South, too. I hope Robb sees it too and agrees to the alliance."

They stopped, as they had reached their destination. As she stepped out, Sansa immediately saw - and smelled - that Margaery had been right when she had compared the inner city to Flea Bottom. It smelled awful, it was hot, tight, packed with people - even more so due to them - and the tall buildings that seemed to barely hold up felt oppressive.

"This way," Margaery said, taking Sansa's hand as she walked forward, leading her confidently.

As soon as they stepped in, an older woman walked up to them, looking tired, but smiling nonetheless.

"Lady Margaery-! We'd heard rumours of your return, but truly did not expect - this is such a pleasant surprise!"

"It is good to be home," Margaery replied, a warm smile on her lips. "Is all well?"

"Yes," the old caretaker was leading them deeper inside the building, "All is well - Lord Willas has been generously sending supplies and food in your absence, as you promised."

Sansa felt the woman eyeing her with curiosity, and Margaery stopped in her tracks.

"I'm so sorry, how rude of me not to introduce you to each others. Sansa, this is Anya, she is in charge of the orphanage. Anya, this is Sansa, my dear friend, and my sister - Sansa is Willas' wife."

"Ah, of course, we heard about Lord Willas' wedding. Welcome to our humble establishment, Lady Sansa. It is very kind of you to visit us as well."

Sansa blushed.

"This is not much - no trouble at all, really!"

"Perhaps not for you, but it means the world to these children to see kind ladies such as you two caring about them."

As she said that, she opened the door to the common room, and immediately, the children were swarming around Margaery, saying her name, grabbing her skirts or arms, depending on their heights.

"Sweetlings," she told them, picking up a little girl in her arms, "I'm very happy to see you all as well."

"Are you the queen, now?" the little blonde girl candidly asked.

"No - I had to come back to Highgarden, with my family. Darlings, I want you to meet my sister and dearest friend, Sansa."

All eyes turned towards her. Margaery put the young girl down, as her arms grew tired of carrying her, but she kept a hand on the little girl's shoulder.

"Sansa is married to my brother Willas. I told her I was coming to see you, and she wished to meet you".

The brunette took Sansa's hand, leading her towards the middle of the room, where they sat on a wooden bench. The children followed, sitting around them as Margaery continued.

"It's her first visit here, she has not been in Highgarden long. You see, Sansa was not born in the Reach, she's not from here. Sweet sister, why don't you tell them?"

"Tell them all?" Sansa asked.

Margaery smiled and nodded.

"I was born in Winterfell. Do you know where Winterfell is?"

"No," a few of them replied, the others shaking their heads.

"Winterfell is in the North, far, far away from here. The North is a beautiful place, full of open space and wonderful pieces of nature."

Sansa felt her heart ache. She missed Winterfell. She missed the godswood, she missed the stone walls and fireplaces, she missed the hot springs where she relaxed with Arya, the rare few moments where they were not fighting and arguing. She missed her home.

The young red-haired lady cleared her throat.

"It is colder than here, so cold that it snows, even in summer."

"What's snow?" a tall boy with black hair and olive skin asked.

She has forgotten that, unlike her, they had been born in the Reach, which was very deep in the South, and were too young to remember winter. These orphans likely had never even heard of snow.

"It falls from the sky instead of rain when the day is cold enough. It is white, and small, like sand, except as soon as you touch it, it melts and vanishes. I grew up there, with my family."

"Is your father a knight, like Ser Loras?" a girl with dreamy eyes asked.

Sansa shook her head.

"No, he was not a knight. But he was a warrior, and a lord who ruled over all the North, like Lord Mace rules over the Reach. He was... my lord father was honourable and strong - like a knight, I suppose."

"Why are you here?" the girl asked. "Why are you so far away from your home?"

"I..."

Sansa hesitated, seeking Margaery's comforting eyes.

"I left for King's Landing, and bad people took my father - killed him for crimes he did not commit. They also took me prisoner until Lady Olenna and Margaery saved me from them, and I was then able to marry Willas. Winterfell... our home was taken from my family, but Highgarden is my home now."

She glanced up, seeing the two handmaidens who were carrying a basket each - Jennisei's had food, and Ellena's had toys. The rest of the food had been given directly to the kitchen.

"But enough about me - Margaery and I brought some food to share with you."

She gestured towards the handmaidens who walked forward, handing items to the children; each got a piece of food and a toy - a wooden knight for boys, and a small doll for girls. The children started eating, happily chatting together, and Sansa could not stop smiling. It did not go unnoticed by Margaery, who was smiling too as she leaned towards her friend to whisper to her:

"See? Is it not the best feeling?"

"It is - it really is," Sansa replied, noticing two little boys who were having a duel with their wooden knights.

Sansa's mind went to her own brothers, and suddenly she was feeling nostalgic as she remembered Bran and Rickon. She shook it off, doing her best to soak in the joy that she was witnessing instead.

"Thank you for making me come here," Sansa added.

They stayed until sunset, chatting and playing with the children; before they took their leave, Margaery reminded Anya to come to either of them if she needed anything for the orphanage.

"And this includes for you, and the other caretakers," Margaery specified. "I know you deprive yourself of so much just so you can give them. We don't want any of you to go hungry, either."

"You are too kind," the old woman bowed her head. "I assure you, m'lady, Lord Willas was quite generous in your absence. The children may have missed you, but they were not lacking anything."

Sansa felt her heart warm up at the thought that Willas, too, was generous and charitable.

"Lady Sansa!" a girl's voice called from behind.

Sansa turned around to see the dreamy-eyed girl who had asked if her lord father was a knight.

"Uhm, thank you for the food, and, um-"

The girl glanced away shyly.

"What is it?" Sansa kindly asked.

"Do you think... I could exchange the doll for... for a knight?"

She was blushing as she handed out the doll.

"You would rather have a knight?" the young lady asked her.

The girl nodded.

"Why?" Sansa asked, curious.

"Knights uphold the good and protect the weak - a knight would protect me, and also... also, I'd rather fight with knights than take care of a baby. So... Can I? Please?"

"Of course."

Now, she was taking the doll and giving her a knight, but it was Arya she was thinking of - boyish, rough, brash Arya. She had often been ashamed of her, because Arya was many things, but ladylike and feminine were not among these things. Sometimes, when she got messy and dirty, she even pretended she didn't know her, that she was not her sister.

I don't know. I didn't see. Sansa closed her eyes briefly. She deeply regretted not siding up with her sister that day. I'm sorry, Arya, Sansa thought. I was a fool who should have known better. If only you were here, I could make you forgive me.

Lady wasn't there, you leave her alone!

Brash, rough Arya had not been afraid to lash out at the king and the queen in her defense, and in Lady's defense, even though Sansa had not quite taken Joffrey's side, but she had not taken Arya's, either. You stood up for me - because we were sisters. I'm sorry I could not do the same.

"Thank you!" the girl skipped away happily with the wooden knight in her hands.

Soon after, Margaery and Sansa were back in the litter, on their way back to the castle.

"Is everything all right, sister?" Margaery softly asked.

Sansa nodded.

"You seemed sad, towards the end?"

Sansa shook her head.

"I was... nostalgic. That little girl who preferred a knight to a doll - she reminded me of Arya. Always sneaking around to play with knives and bows, always stealing our brothers' toys to play with instead of playing dolls with me. She hated when Septa Mordane made us do needlework, because she would always praise my work and scold Arya for hers."

Margaery smiled.

"She sounds fierce."

"She is."

Sansa lowered her gaze, feeling her throat tighten. There was no use hoping that her sister was somehow still alive, not after all this time.

"Was. She was."

"I'm so sorry," the brunette said. "I did not mean to remind you of your loss. Family bonds are special, but I assume the bond between sisters is even more so."

"We didn't - didn't really agree on much, really. We argued all the time, but..."

Sansa bit her bottom lip. Liar, Arya's voice resonated in her mind, Liar, liar, liar!

"Still, she stood up for me - in front of King Robert, the queen and Joffrey. I wish I had known better. I wish I had stood up for her too - but I did not. I was too preoccupied with making myself look good for Joffrey and Cersei. I was a fool, and now I can never apologize to her."

"You were barely more than a child - you should not be so hard on yourself. Joffrey could be charming when he wanted to, I know that - he could almost fool me, and I already knew who he truly was."

Sansa said nothing - she had been young, that much was true, but Arya had been younger and she had seen right through Joffrey. Still, she made herself change the topic of their conversation towards something lighter and happier, and Margaery followed without insisting.

"Willas said he would speak to your brother today," Margaery told her.

"I know - he will not get an answer today, though. Robb will want to think it over - I told Willas as much."

"Willas is a patient man - your brother will be given all the time he desires."

Sansa expected him to discuss it with their mother and maybe some bannermen before agreeing or declining. She hoped he would accept, that her brother and husband would forge an alliance against the Lannisters. She knew very little of power and strategy, but she knew enough to understand that the Tyrells had heavily tipped the scale in the Lannisters' favour when they were allied with them.

She hoped that Robb would let them tip the scale in the North's favour now.