Chapter 13: Crying and Scared

They were sitting in his bedroom. His tiny bedroom. He didn't have a living room because he lived in a trailer. Barely a word was being spoken. Derek didn't know if he did something to upset Meredith or if she just didn't want to be there with him, especially now that she found out that he lived in a trailer. Either way, he was getting worried because she was quiet and looked stressed.

"What do you think...of the land?" Derek asked, breaking the silence.

"It's beautiful." Meredith breathed, her arm resting on her knee as her hand held her head.

"I can't decide what I want to do with it."

"Yeah..."

"I could sell it." He said, trying to get her to talk.

"Okay." Meredith bit her lip.

"It would be nice for a house."

"Hmm..."

"Are you sure you're, okay?"

"What?" Meredith jumped from her thoughts. "Oh...no...yeah sorry."

"Did something happen at work?" Derek frowned.

"No...nothing happened at work."

"Okay...I'm just...You seem out of it."

'I'm sorry...you're probably hating me right now." Meredith breathed, sitting forward.

"I don't think I could hate you." Derek smiled softly.

"I just...I have a headache and there are things..." Meredith took a deep breath, before forcing a smile. "I'm fine."

"You have a headache?" Derek frowned.

"Yeah...it's fine."

Do you want something?"

"No." Meredith breathed, leaning against the bed.

"I'm sorry." Derek whispered, standing up and going over to sit next to her.

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because you don't feel well."

"I'll be fine." Meredith sighed.

"You sure?" Derek breathed, pushing her hair off her face.

"Yeah..." Meredith crossed her arms.

"Can I do anything?"

"No...you definitely can't do anything." Meredith murmured, looking away from him.

"Hot towel...Massage...Tea..."

"I'm not being any fun." Meredith whispered, still not looking at him.

"That's okay." Derek smiled.

"Okay." She sniffed.

"Do you want to lie down?"

"I don't know." Meredith whispered.

"My bed is really comfortable." Derek replied.

"Hmm..." Meredith bit her lip, wiping at her eyes.

"Okay...Something else is wrong..." He whispered.

"What?"

"Something else is bothering you."

"I'm fine." Meredith wiped her face, finally facing him. "I can leave. Or we can do whatever."

"I don't want you to leave." Derek breathed, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"Okay."

"Unless you want to."

"No."

"Let's lie down."

"Okay." Meredith whispered, tears still streaming down her face. He wasn't sure what was wrong.

"Come on..." Derek breathed, standing up and gently taking her hand.

"Alright."

"Okay." He smiled softly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, as he turned around to face her in front of the bed.

"You don't have to be sorry."

"I do." She whispered, not making eye contact with him. Her eyes were still wet.

"No..." He whispered, lightly kissing her forehead.

"I um...I'm just sorry."

"For what?"

"Just...I'm not someone that...you're just being nice to me and you don't have to because I'm not..."

"Meredith...What's wrong?" Derek whispered, sitting down next to her.

"I...nothing...I'm fine."

"You're not fine..."

"I am...I am." Meredith murmured, wiping her eyes. "I'm just tired...my head hurts and work is...I'm fine."

"Come here." Derek whispered, leaning back against the headboard and pulling her into his arms.

"I don't even know you and I'm...being really stupid."

"No you're not."

"Yeah I am and...you can't like me." Meredith said quickly. "I mean I know that was random and I don't think you do like me...but you can't. Just so you know."

"Why can't I like you?" Derek frowned.

"You're a doctor and I...nothing." Meredith bit her lip.

"I do like you." He whispered.

"I don't know what we're doing."

"I...Me either..."

"Okay." Meredith breathed. She wasn't sure what they were doing. They kissed, several times, now she was scared. She was crying and with everything on her mind, she was scared. But being with Derek was comforting, even if she couldn't tell him everything. "I think my stitches are healing."

"Do you want me to take a look at them?"

"I don't care."

"Meredith, what's wrong?" Derek whispered.

"I'm not like this...I don't just...I'm stressed."

"About what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Might help..."

"I'm fine...I just need to get rid of this headache..get a second job and sleep...then I'll be fine."

"Get a second job?" Derek frowned, running his fingers gently through her hair.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I just...I was able to borrow shifts and fill in gaps when they needed people but then my manager went and hired two new people so...no extra shifts." Meredith sighed. "I just have to find another job for the extra hours."

"Extra...Oh." Derek breathed, realizing what she meant.

"It's stupid and I'm fine..."

"It's definitely not stupid."

"Derek...if you want...I just don't want you to think I'm cut out for..."

"For what?"

"We keep you know..."

"Yeah."

"We don't know each other."

"I know that you're amazing...strong...and I really like you." Derek whispered.

"I'm not that amazing." Meredith replied.

"I beg to differ."

"You're a surgeon."

"I am..."

"That's right." Meredith whispered.

"That's just my job." Derek breathed.

"I think you know the differences between us," She replied as he pulled her closer into his arms.

"I do but I don't care about them..."

"I dropped out of Med school...you're one of the best surgeons...I have an eleven-year-old...you don't..."

"That doesn't matter to me, Meredith." Derek whispered, lifting her chin to look at him.

"You've been married...I've never had a relationship...you drive a Mercedes and I drive..."

"I don't care about those things." He repeated.

"You might eventually because I'm not going to be able to be in a relationship." Meredith explained. "Not that we were even headed there but maybe we should just be friends."

"Oh..."

"Derek I know we're not even...but you know it too."

"No."

"Derek..."

"I'm not that guy."

"I've done this before...sex and fun until the guy finds something younger and able to spend more time with him. I've done this before Derek. I honestly...I can't do it anymore."

"That's not me...That's...Just not me." He breathed.

"I've heard that before...either way we're not anything."

"You don't believe me...and I understand that but...Let me show you..."

"I have a headache." Meredith looked away again.

"Okay." Derek sighed.

"Okay."

"Feel better." He whispered.

"Thanks." She whimpered.

"Yeah..." Derek breathed, still gently running his fingers through his hair. He was in pain. In pain because of the hurt that he knew Meredith went through. Also, in pain because he wanted nothing more than to show her that he wasn't the same as those guys, that not everybody was that way.