I was rocking Jake back to sleep, he was staring at me as I fed him. He was fighting the sandman and it broke my heart.
What was he thinking? That we wouldn't be there when he opened his eyes. Was he afraid that we would abandon him? He had gotten used to us before and we had been taken from him and he was not a happy baby.
I could see by the way the nurse watched me with him and the relief on their faces. He had a pair of lungs on him whatever they had done in surgery had helped him let his displeasure be heard.
I caressed his check, "I'm not going anywhere little man I'm right here with you till the end. You can sleep. I'll be here when you wake and hopefully Houston will be with me. You remember Houston right? He's trying to find your momma. We have a name. It's Sabrina and her last name is Finch. So you are Jacob William Finch now. I bet that feels good knowing there is someone out there right."
He held onto his bottle and started to make noises, I swear he was answering me and I just smiled at him once he stopped. I continued.
"You're right you always had us so you were never alone even if they did try to keep you away from us. I will never leave you Jake, even if your momma is found and comes forward I will still be a part of your life. You can't get rid of me or our family. We love you, never ever doubt that."
His eyes were getting heavy and he started to let his bottle go. He was steps away from sleeping. I went to sit down and Nurse Ratchet came barreling through the door.
"What are you doing? Are you over feeding him? He is on a strict diet per doctor's orders. Has his diaper been changed? You being here is just disrupting his routine. I don't know why they gave you permission to tend to him when there are professionals that can do the job."
Jake's eyes opened and he started to cry. I looked at her and was about to let her have it when Uncle Roy came in the door.
"Hello Niece, looks like you have your hands full."
Nurse Ratchet turned and blushed. I rolled my eyes and gave him a look to save me.
"Sheila, when are you going to take me up on that coffee date? I have some time right now what you say I'll even get you a piece of pie with that."
She forgot all about me and Jake started to settle down. She smiled at Uncle Roy and said she had a break in 10 minutes and he said he'd wait for her. She went back to the nurses station and I grabbed his hand.
"Thank you, I thought she was going to bring out her broom and cauldron and start chanting. Woke up our little man here and what did she mean professionals? They are the reason his routine was disturbed. She's just waiting for me to mess up. She wasn't happy that we got permission to help with his care. Having one of Roxy's friends give me the heads up that he had been crying and me being her to take care of him, I don't know Uncle Roy, it's like she wants him to suffer and I am at the end of my rope with her. She keeps this up. I might do something we all might regret."
He hugged me. "No need for that niece, we are too close to finding all our answers. You need to keep your head in the game, Mattlock doesn't need you to go to jail, you both have enough on your plates. If all else fails just look at Jake, he's the reason why we are doing all of this."
I looked down at Jake. He was fussing but awake, I smiled at him and put him on my shoulder knowing he needed to be burped or he would be letting everyone know in the hospital he was not happy.
"Did you speak to Houston? What other news did he have for me? How is Star?"
Uncle Roy had come down earlier to give me an update on his latest call with Houston. He relayed everything they knew about Jake's mom, where she had been these past months, Jake's dad and some of her background. Luca was gathering people to go door to door and post flyers of her to see if anyone had seen or knew where she was at. He said Star was going to help them with the canvassing of the boardwalk. Things were moving fast and I prayed we'd find her. I looked at Jake and a sadness came over me.
Would she let us be a part of his life? Would she take him away from us? I swallowed hard and bit my lip. tears were prickling behind my eyes. I need to shake them off. I couldn't do this not here in front of Nurse Ratchet and Jake.
"Do not go there yet, niece. I know what you are thinking and we are not crossing that bridge yet. She sounds like someone that loves her child, she's young and maybe coming back here was too much for her and when we find her we will offer our help. But for right now you are his everything and you cannot be acting like you are okay?"
He was right. I needed to put my fears away and focus on Jake. Houston was counting on me to hold down the fort here and Jake and I were counting on him to find his momma and keep Star safe.
I nodded and smiled. "You're right. Now get that old battle ax out of here. I want some alone time with my little man and I hope he finally goes to sleep. He's playing catch up and he's just waiting for me to mess up so he can tell the whole hospital we are not living up to our end of the bet."
"What bet?"
I explained that Houston had told Jake before he left that we wouldn't leave him and if we were made liars he could cry to his heart's content. They shook hands and everything. He knows that would hurt me more than anything and I will not let us lose that bet. I have one job and that's to make little man happy and feel safe.``
Jake let out a big burp and I patted his back.
"Good boy. So let's check that diaper and change your gown honey and I'll tell you a story about me and Houston when we were kids."
Nurse Ratchet came back and told me that she was going on break and that someone would be at the nurses station watching me. She reminded me that Jake couldn't be taken out of the NICU and to not attempt it. I smiled and nodded. Uncle Roy offered her his arm and he led her out.
"Thank God. That is not a nice lady Jake. I bet you miss Nurse Roxy and Emma. Hopefully soon they will be back. So let's get you fixed up and we can start on story time."
He fixated on me and gave me a smile once I was done with my observation. I stopped and looked at him. "I must be tired, handsome I could have sworn you just smiled at me, did you little man? Did you just smile at me?"
He moved his arms around and did it again. I gasped and wondered how he could be doing this. He wasn't a week old and I looked around but no one was there so I could share this news.
"Okay smiley, let's get you changed and settled in. I'll tell you about the time I had to defend Houston from the school bully."
I changed and bathed Jake it was getting easier and I had found a rhythm, thinking to myself that this could be doable. But stopped, I might not have him for much longer if his momma was found. I settled him in my arms and started to rock him and started the story I had promised him. I giggled remembering the details on how Houston had become the target of Cord Mcgowan. He was part of the Mc Gowen family and all of them were known bullies from the father down to the sister that was two grades behind us. He had opened his mouth defending Davey White who was not very popular and was always Cord's target.
"You see, Jake I was the one that kept Houston from getting into a lot of trouble. You should have heard half the ideals he came up with that I shot down. He just had a habit of stumbling into bad situations. Well this one time he decided that he was tired of watching Davey get picked on and he blurted out to stop picking on him and to leave him alone. Cord came over to our lunch table and took Houston's juice and poured it over his head and everyone started to laugh. I had to help him clean up. I asked him why he did that and he couldn't fight everyone's battles. Do you know what his answer to me was? He said if he didn't stand up for him no one else would and he felt it wasn't right that he would always be Cord's victim. That if he could take some of the heat off of Davey then it was worth it. You would think that would be the end of it right? Wrong, he picked on Houston everyday till I got sick of it. I stood up for my friend and Cord laughed saying that Houston was letting a girl fight his battles and pushed me down."
Jake's eyes were closing and I continued the story and whispered, "Little man that was Cord's mistake, Houston jumped on him as soon as I hit the ground and as much as I would love to say that Houston beat him up and saved me well that didn't happen. Cord threw him off and since Cord knew I was Houston's weakness came at me again, I stood up and remembered what Houston had taught me the summer before. How to throw a punch. I curled my fingers in my hand and drew my arm back and let it go with all my might and the giant fell. Everyone saw. I had given the school bully a black eye. Teacher's came and took me, Houston and Cord to the Principal's office. I was so scared of the trouble I was going to be in and my hand hurt. Cord was crying saying his eye hurt and that he would get even with me for doing this to him. Houston stood up and pushed me behind him as the Principal came out of his office. I blurted out my behind hurt from when Cord had pushed me down and I pointed out Houston's injuries. He looked at us and then at him. He asked if a girl had taken him down. He didn't say anything and I piped in that I had and would do it again. He looked at me and back to Cord and asked what would his father say if he found out? Needless to say no one got into trouble, Cord never bothered us again and that's how I saved Houston."
I looked down and my angel was asleep. I looked around and the nurses looked up and silently clapped for me. I stood up and did a mid-curtsey and went over to Jake's bed to lay him down. I made sure he was snugged in his blanket and was about to go talk to the nurse when a voice behind me stopped me.
"I thought we agreed we would never bring that story up again? Come on CJ if word got out that I let you fight my battles who would ever hire me again?"
I turned around and ran to the man I had been hoping to have a minute alone with since I had woken up. He encircled me in his arms and I felt everything would be better now that he was here.