From the time EJ was a kid he had always gotten panic attacks. Usually it happened when things got to overwhelming and there was a lot of things going on, sometimes they would get so bad he would forget to eat.

Thinking about it now EJ had probably gotten them from being under consent pressure from his dad to be the best and win at everything. Unfortunately EJ had never been treated for his panic attacks his dad thought it was something that he would 'just grow out of' Now that he's older now and in charge of his own life EJ goes to therapy which helps quite a bit,

but as we all knew for those who have experienced this, myself included is that panic attacks can show up out of nowhere.

It was midnight. EJ and Gina had been married for six years and Gina was now five weeks pregnant.

EJ was sitting on the couch staring off into space lost in thought trying to control his breathing, his hands were shaking. Not good, a panic attack he knew. "EJ?" Gina was standing in the living room.

"It's midnight. What are you doing up? Usually, i'm the one up at this hour not you." Even though she was just five weeks pregnant, preganacy was pretty rough on her but more on that later.

EJ looked at her. "Yeah, i'm fine." his voice was shaking. Gina sat down next to him. "Did you eat today?" "I.. I don't remember." Ok, so this was a bad one but thankfully being his best friend and having been married to him for six years Gina knew how to handle his panic attacks. "EJ What's going on?' EJ sighed "it's stupid…"

"Tell me." Gina said gently "you might feel better if you talk about it."

"It's just… I've been thinking about my dad. Because of-

"Because I'm pregnant." Gina finished EJ nodded. "I'm so happy that we're having a baby. I'm just worried that, I just don't want to- turn out like him." EJ looked at his wife "I know that sounds really bad."

"I'm not gonna lie that same thought has crossed my mind once ot twice about my mom."

EJ went on. "I love my dad. He always wanted me to be like him, to be the best, to get into the best schools, to get the highest paying job, to win at everything. When I started having panic attacks I was five. You know what he said? He said it's all in your head EJ, whatever is going on you'll be fine."

Gina took his hand and squeezed it. "Babe that's terrible."

"My dad was the reason the panic atttcks started. He put so much pressure on me and I worry-" EJ started crying now "I just don't want to be like my dad, I don't want our kid to feel this way."

EJ was crying so hard it was hard to talk. Gina felt tears fill her eyes, she hated seeing him like this, helpless. Gina wrapped her arms around him and held him tight "it's ok. "It's gonna be ok Eej, I'm right here."

"I'm sorry G.. that i'm like this."

"Shh. You have nothing to be sorry for." EJ heard Gina sniffle. "Why are you crying?"

"I hate seeing you sad. And I'm pregnant and very emotional."

EJ laughed though his tears, the couple slowly broke out of the embrace and looked at each other. "You're not broken EJ. You're strong, you've had a lot going on in your life and you still get up everyday and take on the world. You go to therapy and that makes you a badass."

EJ smiled a little, Gina took her hand and wiped the tears off his cheek. "When I look at you I see.."

EJ smiled. They had been doing this sense high school the 'when I look at you I see" thing. It was there secret inside love thing that they shared only between the two of them. "I see a really amazing guy, who cares about people so deeply and takes care of them sometimes better then he takes care of himself. You've had a lot of shit to deal with in your life but you don't let it take over your life. You rise above it. I love you SO much. You're going to be an amazing dad I just know it."

"You really see all that?" EJ asked Gina nodded "everyone else does too."

"I don't want to be like my dad."

"I don't want to be like my mom. I LOVE my mom to death. But she was awlays working, I get it though to make a life for me, but when she was in my life she always wanted me to be the best. She always said if youre not number one it's not wroth doing. Moving around a lot I never had friends before. I was very closed off and vengeful and manipulative."

"You? What?! No way" EJ teansed remembering what Gina was like when he first met her. Gina smiled "shut up."

She went on. "I was kind of always alone. My brother was off who knows were and my mom was always at her job.. So I kind of raised myself in a way… I mean not really but sometimes it felt like that. It took a while to open up and have fun, have relationships, love." Gina looked at EJ when she said love. "It took a while but it was wroth it."

"My point is you can make mistakes with parenting, everyone does. All our friends had no Idea what were doing when they had kids. But we are not our parents. We get to make our own choices on how to raise our baby."

EJ let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. "Thank you. I'm sorry you had to see that." She put a hand on his shoulder. "Don't apologize. It's ok."

"You want anything to eat?" Gina asked "I can make you a sandwich."

"That would be great actually." EJ smiled at his wife and kissed her on the forehead.

"You want anything?" EJ asked her. Gina shook her head. "No. Whenever I eat anything I throw it up a second later."

"Sorry babe."

Gina shrugged. "Eh, it's ok. We're having a baby it's normal."

"I still can't believe we're having a baby." EJ grinned. Gina smiled.