A/N: Thank you everyone for the support!
Chapter Nineteen
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The following week, on Thursday morning, when the streets were still blushing early-morning blue, Sirius zipped his jacket up as quietly as possible. The metal teeth ground together sounded loudly in his ears. He chanced a glance down the hallway towards James' room. Nothing stirred. Heartbeat drumming in his ears, he snagged his keys and phone from the small table and slipped them into his pockets. He didn't need his bike. Besides, the walk in the fresh air would probably do him some good.
The streets were practically deserted as he stepped out. Once upon a time, he'd have to dash over to help James' with the early-morning rush at their café, and the coffee grinder would be the backing track for the day until things died off at about nine o'clock.
Now, there was none of that.
It was oddly tranquil as a lone car cruised lazily along the road, barely stopping at a traffic light. Sirius watched it until it vanished around a bend. Feeling jittery, he pulled up google maps on his phone and started following the directions to the pharmacy a little way away. He'd had a blood test done as soon as possible after speaking with his GP over the phone, as well as a sexual health screening. So far, all his results had come back clean and healthy, not that he'd doubted himself. He'd had to wait almost a week for his prescription for PrEP to go through, but he'd gotten the notification the previous evening that he could come and collected it. It was almost a relief when the huge green cross came into view.
Slinging a mask around his ears and giving his hands an extra squirt of anti-bac gel, Sirius waited patiently behind two other people -on the markers on the pavement -for the pharmacy to open. It was bizarre to him to have his temperature taken and then a paper bag and card-reader handed to him. He absently thought how much time could have been saved if the pharmacies had been this efficient before the pandemic. He thought that about a lot of places, actually.
With a shake of his head, he scrunched up the bag as small as possible, tucked it under his arm and gave his hands another squirt of antic-bac before turning on his heel and heading back towards his flat.
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Sneaking back into the flat he shared with James was a strange sensation. He had done it many a time, as a rebellious teenager, while living at Grimmauld place. He'd even snuck Regulus out a time or two, although he was pretty sure his little brother ended up having heart palpitations for his troubles. They'd had to practically hold their breath while sneaking in through the window and helping the other one climb in, in case Mother dearest had heart them from down the hallway.
It still made him wince and freeze when the chain on the front door rattled a little as he pushed it open.
He strained his ears as he toed off his boots and shucked off his jacket. James was still snoring lightly from his bedroom. Sirius felt guilty and relieved in equal measure. It wasn't that James would disapprove of him going through with his plan, but he wanted to do it for himself. He made the decision for himself, and eventually for Remus he hoped, and that was all there was to it.
Tiptoeing down the hall to his room, he eased his door closed and sank down on his bed. He opened the small paper bag and tipped out the chunky box onto his blanket. It had his name, birthdate and address printed on the label, as well as the description of the medication. Propping the box on his nightstand, he set an alarm on his phone for seven o'clock in the evening. It would probably be best to set it at a time he wasn't likely to forget. Feeling suddenly deflated, he turned his head to the side and smiled down at Arthur as he yawned and stretched in his little bed.
'That's not a bad idea,' he mused as he stood up, dragged his jeans down and climbed back under his duvet. Who could say 'no' to an extra, few hours of sleep?
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~0~
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Remus had his earphones in while he was writing up some notes on his conclusion draft the next time Padfoot video-called him. Plugging his earphones into his phone, he swiped to answer the call. His face broke into a big grin and a laugh escaped him as Arthur's snout appeared on the screen, snuffling away, the tip of his little pink tongue peeking out. Remus laughed again, leaning back against his bed.
"Look, Arthur! It's your Daddy, Moony!" Padfoot's voice echoed out of the speaker.
Remus snorted and shook his head, "You're his dad, Pads!"
"Fine," Padfoot groused, moving the camera to his face. He looked to be sitting outside if the skyline behind him was anything to go by. "Then you can be his Mum. Moon-mummy! Moomy!"
"Okay, I officially hate you, let's never speak of this again," Remus deadpanned.
"Don't listen to your Moomy, Arthur, he's just being grumpy!"
"You take that back, you mangy mutt!"
Padfoot's eyes crinkled. He threw his head back and laughed. "I think our pet names could use some work, Remus."
Arthur whimpered and scrambled higher to try and get back in the frame, his mouth open in a very puppy-like grin, pink tongue waggling as he bumped his little nose against the camera. Remus felt his heart melt even more when Padfoot pressed a kiss to Arthur's little fuzzy head.
Turning bright grey eyes back to the camera, Padfoot asked, "So, what have you been up to today, moonshine?"
"I was just writing up some bits and pieces for my dissertation. I think I've finally gotten the rough draft of my conclusion drawn up, now I just need to flesh it out with hours upon hours of research to make it sound vaguely interesting," he quirked an eyebrow at his phone. "How about you? How's your son?"
"He's very fuzzy and has gorgeous dark hair. Definitely takes after his daddy, this one," he winked at the camera.
"He also licks his own balls and poops in public parks. Is that something else you have in common?"
Padfoot snorted, "Well, if you're not too busy this afternoon, would you like to join us for a little stroll?"
A paralysing jolt shot down Remus' spine. "I … er … a stroll?"
"Yes, moonshine, a stroll with me and our son whom we have shared custody of. I have some developments in life I wish to share with you, and frankly, it's a beautiful day and you deserve to see it."
"I … but … Pads, it's too early in the day. There'll be people about."
"It's not that busy, Moons. Only a few joggers." Padfoot sighed through his nose, "Well, look. You go and have some lunch, because I bet you haven't yet."
Remis cringed at the truth and hid his face behind his hand.
"And let me know how you feel in about an hour. I need to tire this little pup out, otherwise Jimmy will go spare."
"Okay, have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."
Padfoot tutted and rolled his eyes, "Goodb-y-y-y-e Remus!"
The call ended.
Remus returned to his laptop screen and forced his fingers to fly over the keys, however when he read back over it, even he couldn't make heads or tails of what he'd written. It made sense, in theory, but his brain couldn't correlate what he saw and what he'd intended to convey. With a sigh, he tossed his earphones onto the table and shut his laptop, tipping his head back onto his bed in defeat.
His fingers reached for his phone and he opened up his chat with the girls' before he could second guess himself.
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~Spoilers Bookclub Ltd.~
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Sir Lupin (11:48):
So … I have a bit of a dilemma and I need some help.
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Dorcas (11:51):
Fire aware! Save me from the monotony of losing chess with my Dad!
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Sir Lupin (11:52):
Who's winning?
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Dorcas (11:53):
[.JPEG]
My dad (the arsehole)
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Sir Lupin (11:54):
Who is that adorable little gentleman?
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Dorcas (11:55):
That would be my cousin, Cornell.
He's staying with us for a little while.
His Mum and Dad are being called int the office and they don't want him to get sick
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Sir Lupin (11:57):
Ah shit.
I'm sorry, Dorcas.
That really sucks, for all of you *hugs*
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Dorcas (11:58):
We video call them every night.
It's not the same and Aunt Dessie is really struggling.
But they want him to stay safe and healthy.
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Sir Lupin (12:00):
Hopefully they can WFH soon :/
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Dorcas (12:01):
We're praying for it
Anyways, enough about me!
What's your drama, mama?
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Sir Lupin (12:04):
Padfoot invited me out for a socially distanced walking … date?
And I'm debating on if I should go …
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Dorcas (12:05):
Is he wearing a mask?
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Sir Lupin (12:06):
Yes.
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Dorcas (12:07):
Will YOU be wearing a mask?
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Sir Lupin (12:08):
Yes.
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Dorcas (12:09):
Will your tongue be entering his mouth, perchance?
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Sir Lupin (12:10):
DORCAS?!
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Dorcas (12:11):
I'll take that as a 'no'.
I think you'll be fine as long as you wear your gloves, mask and sanitize as you normally do.
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Sir Lupin (12:14):
I just …
I never thought I'd be THIS anxious about going outside, y'know?
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Dorcas (12:15):
Babes, I get it 100%
I even miss being out in miserable weather! I miss the rain!
This is like the warmest spring-almost-summer we've had in YEARS!
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Sir Lupin (12:16):
Ha! Yeah, it really is.
So … you wouldn't judge me for wanting to go?
To hang out with him somewhere other than my hallway?
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Dorcas (12:17):
Hun, it's not my place to judge you.
Things are still pretty hectic right now, and I have my own share of anxiety about it all.
I also know you're not an idiotic twat.
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Sir Lupin (12:19):
Thanks ¬_¬
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Dorcas (12:20):
You know what I mean, prat.
Don't get defensive on me.
I just mean that you take more precautions than even Lily does.
If you want to go, go. Just … be safe, yeah?
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Sir Lupin (12:22):
I promise I'll do everything I can to be safe x
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Dorcas (12:23):
Well, then go and have fun. Take some lovely photos for me, eh? 😉
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Sir Lupin (12:24):
Just for that … no :P
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Dorcas (12:25):
I … pfft what?!
REMUS LUPIN DON'T YOU IGNORE ME!
REMUS!
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Dorcas (12:27):
REMUS!
REMUS!
REMUS!
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Dorcas (12:28):
You little shit ¬_¬
I'm going to tell Lily about you!
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Lily (13:12):
Tell me what now?
JFC Dorcas, blow up the chat much?!
What's been going on?
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Dorcas (13:14):
And where have YOU been, missy?
Never mind that.
Read and THEN tell me!
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Lily (13:18):
Well … As much as I don't approve of going out and about right now … I couldn't imagine being in Remus' position and cooped up all day.
As long as you're safe Sir Lupin, I won't harass you for it Xx
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Lily (13:21):
As for where I am, Dorcas …
Having a little walk with this gentleman x
[.JPEG]
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Dorcas (13:23):
Bloody HELL Lily!
You never said he was gorgeous!
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Lily (13:25):
It's a shame we have to keep our distance.
I'm struggling to stop myself playing with his hair XD
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Dorcas (13:26):
OMG you have a crush!
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Lily (13:27):
…
Shuttup Dorcas.
We do not speak of this.
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Dorcas (13:28):
Yeah, yeah, yeah 😉
I got you girl!
Enjoy leaving me here on the shelf! 3
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Lily (13:29):
It's a very nice shelf :P
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Dorcas (13:30):
I hope it rains
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Lily (13:30):
MY HEART
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Remus exhaled as he got himself ready, absently scrolling through the onslaught of messages as the girls' bickered back and forth between them. Toothbrush stuck in his mouth, he grinned stupidly when another photo from Padfoot appeared, of Arthur casing a pigeon. Without a second though, he spat and rinsed his mouth before pocketing his phone, grabbed his gloves, mask and keys and was out of his flat in a heartbeat.
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~0~
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"Padfoot!"
Sirius whipped around at the sound of his nickname, heart jolting as he saw the tall man waving from across the park. He felt his face split into a grin behind his mask as he saw what Remus was wearing; a thin, quarter-sleeve shirt and faded jeans dipping over a pair of vans. His arms, and his pale scars, were exposed to the sunshine. Not that Sirius minded; it just meant the taller man would freckle up.
Arthur yapped and strained against his lead, desperate for a new friend to play with.
Obligingly, Sirius crossed the distance, having to stop himself from hurrying over and throwing his arms around the Welshman. Arthur continued to choke himself in his desperate attempt to slobber all over Remus.
"Well, hello, Mister Moony," he grinned, kneeling down to unbuckle Arthur's lead. "Want to say 'hi' to your son?"
Remus chuckled and nodded, crouching down low and stretching his hands out towards the pup, "Come on, Arthur. Come have a cwtch!"
Sirius felt his heart clench at the word and doubled over laughing as Arthur launched himself so hard into Remus' chest, that he toppled the tall man onto the grass. His little tail wagged madly as he slobbered all over Remus' freckled face, almost dislodging his mask.
"Arthur!" Sirius whistled. "Come on, boy, let Daddy get up now!"
There was no denying the blush on Remus' cheeks as Arthur reluctantly shuffled off, still grinning and tail-wagging, as Remus dragged himself up to his feet and stretched. The sunlight caught against his amber coloured curls and Sirius felt himself fall a little more in love with the man -not that he'd admit it out loud to anybody.
Arthur galloped between the two of them, jumping up to give licks to any part he could reach. Remus grinned behind his mask as he made his way across the green and stopped short a few meters in front of Sirius.
"Hey Pads."
"Hey yourself, Moony."
It felt strange, suppressing his natural instincts to hurry over to the man and hug him. Would he smell like aftershave or just the shower gel he'd used that morning? Or maybe of the chocolate croissants he no doubt had for breakfast? Sirius was glad he was wearing a mask to hide the grin on his face. Yes, Remus would definitely smell of chocolate of some variation.
They fell into step on either side of the pathway, slowly making their way around the green. Arthur ran back and forth between and around them. He seemed to have no bounds to his energy.
"Did you get much done for your dissertation?" Sirius asked, side-eyeing Remus as they walked.
"I got a good portion of my conclusion done, but there's still a long way to go before I'm happy with it."
"How's the day-to-day going?"
Remus shrugged, "It's been tough. I've had good days and bad days. I … never thought I'd feel lonely, but … I finally feel like I do."
Sirius frowned sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Moons."
"I'll survive, as I have been," he sighed. "What else is there to do? I speak with the girls almost every day, trying to live vicariously through everyone else."
"Aw Moons. I feel bad that I'm able to go out and do something." A thought suddenly occurred to him, and it made his insides clench. "I don't … I don't make it worse for you, do I?"
Remus frowned, "How do you mean?"
"Like, all the videos and photos of Arthur, or recipes I try out on James, or just … dumb shit I do. I don't make you feel bad, do I? Because I can stop if I do."
"Oh, Pads, no!" Remus stopped on the path, his amber eyes wide and pleading. "Please, don't stop any of it. I need it! You're part of the reason I haven't gone totally insane!"
Sirius bit his lip, still not completely convinced. He knew he would've spiralled long before this point in time, probably within the first two weeks even. Raking a hand through his long, tussled curls, he exhaled and rubbed at his eyes. He suddenly felt the energy drain out of him.
"Pads …" Remus took a step closer, hesitantly.
"PADFOOT! THAT IS YOU!"
Both heads turned to see a messy-haired man waving emphatically from along the pathway. Beside him, a willowy auburn-haired girl rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she followed him. Remus frowned as they drew closer.
"Wait is that … Lily?!"
"Sir Lupin," she bowed with a flourish and a giggle, her sleek red hair catching the sunlight. "I didn't expect to see you here."
Remus snorted, "Well this is my area, I should be saying that to you."
"Aw!" she pouted, shoulders slumping. "I really want to give you a hug, but I shouldn't. I've not stopped at the shelter all week so far."
"I know, Lil, it's okay."
Sirius cleared his throat, "Um … so, this is the infamous Lily?"
Lily turned the brightest green eyes to him, her eyes crinkling as she smiled behind her mask. "Yes, that's me. I'm Lily. We've spoken? Briefly?"
"Very briefly," he chuckled, before his eyes landed on James. "So, this is the lovely lady you've been mooning over for the last couple of weeks?"
"Mooning?" Lily and Remus echoed.
"PADFOOT!" James exclaimed, dropping his head into his hands with a groan.
Sirius grinned and shrugged, "Any opportunity, mate, you know this."
"Well, it's good to finally put … well … some of a face to a name," Lily chuckled. "So, what have you two been up to?"
"We've just been walking around a little. Little Arthur has been giving Remus all the kisses, you wily harlot."
Arthur yipped and went over to Lily, splaying out on the sun-warmed path for belly-rubs.
Lily laughed, "Oh, he is just precious! I've always wanted a pet, but Petunia's allergic."
Remis scoffed, "I'm pretty sure she's allergic just to have something over you."
"Probably."
"Hey Pads, did you bring Arthur's frisbee?" James asked. "We can toss that around. It's pretty much the perfect socially distanced game."
"Of course, I did!" Sirius grinned, shucking his rucksack off and digging out a florescent orange frisbee. "Come on, let's toss this around."
Lily and Remus led the way onto the green, Arthur rushing ahead of them. As they crossed the iron fence, James nudges Sirius. "So, this is your boyfriend, is it?" he smirked.
"He isn't my boyfriend, James," Sirius hissed back. "We're … we're not labelling anything. This is incredibly hard for him; I don't want him to feel pressured to do anything."
"I get that. Wow, he's even taller than I remember! The diner just dwarf's him, doesn't it?"
"Well, he hasn't gone in there since before the pandemic so …"
"What did he say when you told him that's how you met? Did he go after you for your shameless flirting?" James grinned.
Sirius clamped his mouth shut, dropping his eyes down to the grass underfoot. A hand shot out and gripped his forearm, stopping him instantly.
"Pads … tell me you've told him who you are."
Sirius allowed the words to hang in the air between them, before he lifted his eyes to meet James'.
Dark eyebrows shot up. "Oh, Pads … he doesn't know?"
"Not … entirely."
"How have you gone this long talking to him and not told him?"
"I just … at first it was awkward if I did, and then … I guess too much time had gone by," Sirius sighed. "Look, it's not like I've lied to him about anything. The only parts he doesn't know is my birth name, and the fact that I used to serve him weird flavoured teas."
"Okay, but don't you think you should, maybe, tell him so that he has all the information?"
"Every time I get close … I choke."
James gave him a sympathetic look and looped an arm around Sirius' shoulders. "I know, mate, but the longer you leave it, the harder it will be for him to accept it all, yeah? Just tell him. Hell, tell him today! He'll be in such a good mood after playing frisbee with our boy."
Sirius offered a weak smile, "Yeah … he can melt anyone's heart."
"Anyone but your mother's."
"Well, she doesn't have a heart so … moot point."
James laughed and clapped him on the back. "Come on, best not leave them waiting. Just … think about what I said, yeah?"
"Course I will, mate."
Sirius hung back, watching as James hurried over to stand opposite Lily on the green. Biting his lip, he couldn't help but think that this would be the first and last time they would all get together like this. The moment he told Remus the truth, it would all be ripped away from him, he could feel it.
He forced his mouth into a wide grin as he hurried after James.
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It was amazing how raw one's throat got when yelling across half a park. The laughing definitely helped; James really did like to make a fool of himself in front of Lily, but at the least the girl had a good head on her shoulders, taking him with a pinch of salt and responding to his jokes with sharp wit. There was some flirting there, too, if Sirius wasn't mistaken. Then again, the moment his eyes landed on Remus, he was unable to control the grin from splitting his face.
"You're gonna have to jump high for this one, Pads!" Remus called out.
"Is that a short joke?!"
"You're not short!" Remus laughed. "You're pocket-sized!"
"Hardly, you're just freakishly tall! A giant!"
"He hasn't stopped growing yet!" Lily cheered. "Just you wait!"
"If you think he's small, you should see his brother!" James grinned. "How is little Reggie doing?"
"Sulking in isolation!" Sirius shrugged as he caught the frisbee with a grunt. "He's flatmate is a bit of a wanker."
"Gotta get him out of there, mate!"
"Where would he go?" Remus asked.
"We're trying to work on that. But rent is a bitch, so he needs a new roommate and … a pandemic isn't the ideal time to look for one!"
"We've been telling Remus for weeks he should get somewhere else to live!" Lily called out as she dove for the frisbee. James had lobbed it quite hard, and it went sailing over her head. Dusting grass off her knees, she scooped the plastic disc up and sent it sailing low towards Sirius. Arthur chased after it, snapping his little jaws.
Sirius let the pup snatch the frisbee up and engaged in a little tug-of-war before rubbing Arthur's belly, sending him sprawling, and freed the frisbee.
"Heads up, Jimmy!"
James caught the frisbee and swept his hair from his eyes. He wiped his glasses on his shirt and frowned against the sunlight. "Is that an idea? Do you reckon Reggie would get on with Remus?"
Sirius yelped as the frisbee thwacked him on the shoulder. "Hey! That hurt!"
"I don't even know what your brother looks like, Pads! Probably best not to arrange us moving in together!" Remus laughed, though the strain around his eyes was clear.
Sirius pressed his lips together, "Well, let's try and get through the next few months, eh? We'll figure out Reggie's situation as best we can!"
Lily looked between the two dark haired men, "If you're ever in need of some help, I can lend a hand! I've been looking for possible places so …"
"You're thinking of moving?" Remus frowned.
"I don't know, maybe? Living at home is just getting too much."
"Well, it comes with its own challenges," James stated. "Being in control of everything is both satisfying and a nightmare when you get swamped with other things. It's easier if there's two people sharing the load."
"Not always the case," Lily frowned, letting the frisbee glide across to Remus.
Sirius took the cue from the conversation; he didn't want to put any sort of pressure on Remus. True, having his little brother and … whatever Remus was to him, living together made logical sense and would keep them both safe. However, forcing both men into a highly stressful situation in the midst of a global pandemic was a recipe for disaster.
Throwing a winning smile across at Remus, Sirius clapped his hands and jumped up, wanting the frisbee.
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They played for another hour or so, until Arthur conked out snuggled against Sirius' feet, yawning and smacking his chops. Sirius felt his heart melt as he crouched down and scratched the pup around the ears. Arthur nuzzled against his hand and fell into a doze.
"Aw, I think that's us for today!" he called out as he gathered Arthur up into his arms.
The others walked across the green until they were a few meters away. James crouched down beside Sirius, "Do you want me to take him, mate?"
"Nah, it's alright. Wouldn't want him to crash your date," he smirked.
"Wouldn't want him to crash yours."
"It's not a … a date-date."
"Why don't you just ask him out already?"
"He barely goes out. I don't want to make him feel like a crap boyfriend. If he wants to go out after this blows over then … great." He looked up into James' frowning face and scoffed, "Mate, come on. You've already pointed out a major flaw in all this anyway. I need to tell him everything. THEN we can work-out the details of what we are."
James rolled his eyes, "Fine. Are you sure you don't want us to take Arthur?"
"Nah. You go and escort the lovely lady home. I'll see you at home."
With a gentle nudge to his shoulder, James straightened up and strung a mask around his ears. "How about it, Evans? Shall we leave these two to a little afternoon stroll?"
Lily tutted and shook her head, "Very well, Potter. Let's see if you can keep up with me in these heels."
James practically galloped after her as she blew a kiss to Remus and started making her way up the hill.
Peeking up through his fly-away hairs, Sirius saw Remus' wide amber eyes watching him. He felt acutely aware of how rumpled his t-shirt was, how his skin prickled under that gaze and how he was so close and yet unable to reach out and take Remus' hand.
"What're you thinking about?" Remus asked, sitting down and stretching his legs out.
"You."
"Cheesy."
Sirius huffed a laugh. "Honestly, though? I … I need to talk to you about something and … it's hard."
"Hard? Are you in trouble or something?"
"No, nothing like that."
They lapsed into silence. Sirius plucked a few blades of grass and tossed them away. "Do you … want to come back to mine? I can make some tea?"
"It's like twenty-five degrees out. Too hot for tea."
"Fine, I can give you a magnum!" Remus chuckled. "I just figured … it might be easier to talk there, if you like."
Exhaling, Sirius nodded. At least that would give him some time to work out what he was going to say.
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~0~
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Sitting on either side of the doorway, masks on and ice-lollies have sucked, Padfoot ran his fingers through Arthur's fur as he snoozed in his lap. It was a nervous habit that Remus had clocked onto in their weekly board games. There wasn't anything else to distract either of them and the silence began to feel heavy and cloying.
Remus watched as Padfoot continued to tense, as though about to say something, and then deflate as though dismissing the speech in his head. He couldn't help but worry as to what this news would be. Was he into drugs? Did he have even more family issues to contend with? Was he in debt to somebody? With each passing moment, Remus had to fight the urge to dig his nails into his skin to relieve himself of the nervous itching.
"So … I guess you've probably noticed that … you don't know my name?"
"Y-e-e-e-s," Remus furrowed his brow. "Is it about your name? I wouldn't make fun of you for it. Hell, I'm called Remus, for goodness sake!"
"Well, it's weirdly appropriate, but no. I'm used to it."
"So, is there a reason you haven't told it to me?"
Padfoot closed his eyes, "It wasn't a conscious decision it just … got harder to tell you."
A cocktail of emotions roiled within Remus' stomach. He truly had no idea where this was going. "Come on, Pads," he urged.
"We know each other!"
"Of course, we do," Remus grinned weakly. "I'd be worried if we didn't."
"I mean … from before the pandemic." Padfoot forced his eyes to meet Remus' briefly. "Do you remember the café you used to go into? You would sit in a little corner, in the velvet chair and write away for a few hours?"
A light twinkled in Remus' eyes. "Yes, I remember. That armchair was so comfortable. Wait … So, you saw me there? Were you shy or something?"
"Yes, in a way. I served you there."
Remus chuckled anxiously, "I think I would have remembered seeing you there."
The way Padfoot furrowed his gorgeous face, but the bottom dropped out of Remus' stomach. He was suddenly aware of the mould on the skirting board creeping up the doorframe, the way the floorboards creaked as he shifted his weight on them, and the draught that sent a chill down his spine.
"No, Remus. I don't think you do remember me."
"But I … o-only two people served me there."
"Yeah. James and … and me."
Remus bit his lip raw, feeling the skin peel between his teeth. It stung. He felt cold and sick all over. "I don't understand …"
With an anguished look, Padfoot unhooked his mask from around his ears and let it drop to his chest. The hallway was suddenly airless as their eyes locked.
Remus felt as though his chest collapsed. His first thought was 'utterly gorgeous' quickly followed by 'I know that face'. His mind whirled back to months prior, in the dead of winter when he'd been practically frostbitten and desperate for warmth and a Wi-Fi connection. When the brightly illuminated shop window had called to him like a beacon, how the server had waltzed up to him, offered a cavalier grin and tried to undercharge Remus for cookies and tea. He tried to get Remus to eat more, even though he could tell money was an issue. He seemed to want to interact with Remus but couldn't quite fathom how reserved he was.
It had been irksome at the time …
Remus furrowed and dropped his gaze, drawing his knees to his chest. The ice lolly lay forgotten and melting on the floorboards. He needed to focus on his breathing. He remembered how embarrassed he'd felt, how dirt-poor he felt, sitting on the finely upholstered chair. He had never known how to react to the silver-eyed savant that plied him with brightly flavoured teas that warmed his very bones.
Scrubbing a hand down his face he grumbled, "Why did you never tell me?"
The piercing hurt he felt was mixing with the confusion he felt. Everything seemed to slot into place. He remembered those first few messages from Starman. They'd been sent to him whenever Padfoot had been away from the main diner -had he been on break at the time?
Accusatory eyes shot up. "Did you cyberstalk me?" he spat.
"What? No, of course not!"
"Then how did you first know to message me as Starman?!"
Padfoot looked pinned against the wall as regarded Remus with caution. "I knew all the regulars and what their screennames were. You were the only one I didn't recognise. I honestly j-just took a guess …"
Remus narrowed his eyes. "And you kept it up? You could've told me! The first few messages could have been that you were the guy who served me!"
"Would you have kept talking to me if I had?" Padfoot groused. At Remus' silence, he scoffed, "No, of course you wouldn't. You'd already judged me; I could see it whenever I served you. I figured being anonymous would be better to get to know you."
"That's still no excuse!"
"I know it isn't!"
"So, why didn't you say?!"
"Because it just got harder, Remus! We started talking everyday and then the pandemic hit, and we got to know each other, and it just -it just never came up!"
"I seem to remember it did come up, especially when you knew everything about me!"
"Pfft … not everything."
"What are you talking about?"
"How about your HIV, Remus? You never told me that. I found out on my own."
"By violating my privacy. Again."
"Would you rather have died?!"
"I'd rather you be honest with me!" Remus slammed his fist into the doorframe.
Arthur yipped and pressed back into Padfoot's thigh. Padfoot scooped the pup up and shushed and crooned to him gently, trying to comfort him.
Padfoot panted, his chest heaving. His cheeks were flushed, and his jaw was clenched. Remus couldn't look away; the man before him and shifted. There was a whole other dimension to him he'd had no idea about. Did he even have a brother? Was all that stuff about him and James a lie too? How much did Lily know? What had James told her? His head was starting to spin. With a groan he dropped his head into his hands and clawed at his scalp.
"I still don't even know you're fucking name."
"O-oh … it's Sirius."
"Yes, I know it's fucking serious! What's your goddamn name?"
Glowering through the doorway, Padfoot clenched and unclenched his jaw. "No, prick, that's my name. My name is Sirius. S-I-R-I-U-S."
Remus choked against the lump in his throat. "Like the star."
"Yeah. Hence, Starman."
Ah, finally something was making sense.
Remus thumbed at the raw spot on his lip. His mind was still spinning, and he couldn't tether down any one thought. He truly didn't know where to go from this point. A heavy sigh drew his attention back to the man sitting just across the hallway.
"I think I'm just gonna go."
Remus watched as Arthur was scooped up into Sirius' arms. He used one hand to string the mask back around his ears and gather his rucksack off the floor. From inside his room, Remus watched as though rooted to the floor; he wanted to grab the man's arm and drag him back down and say, 'we aren't finished talking yet!' but another part of him didn't even have the energy to lift his arms to do so. After all, what else was there to say? Sirius had lied by omission and had many an opportunity to come clean. He knew much more about Remus than he'd ever intended to share so early on, yet he couldn't even admit to his name? It wasn't like he was a celebrity or anything.
The slamming of the front door jolted him back to reality. The lump in his throat got thicker. He didn't know what to do, who he could call, or where anything stood now that all the cards were on the table. He picked at the frayed cuff of his shirt and felt his eyes grow hot and prickly.
"Ah, fuck!" he hissed, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Fuck, fuck, fucking FUCK!"
.
~0~
.
The slam of the front door made James jolt. Lily's voice on the other end of the phone paused and asked what the noise was all about. "Sorry, Evans. I'll have to call you back. Night."
Treading out into the dimly lit hallway, James saw Arthur sitting outside Sirius' door, pawing at the wood and whimpering. Crouching down, he ruffled Arthur's soft, dark fur and scooped him up into his arms. "Hey boy, what's all the ruckus about, eh?"
Reaching out, he gingerly turned Sirius' doorknob and pressed the door inwards. The room beyond was dark, the curtains drawn against the approaching nightfall. Sirius was curled up into a tight ball on his duvet, arms folded over his head. James padded into the room and gently placed Arthur in his bed. The pup whimpered and made to follow, but James shushed him and eased his butt back onto the cushion.
Turning to the room, James went over to the bed and debated on how he wanted to approach this, however when a wet sob reached his ears, he simply crawled up onto the bed and spooned Sirius, hugging his friend tightly around the middle. Pressing his chin into the crook of Sirius' neck, James rubbed his hands up and down the pale, shivering arms.
"Do you want to tell me what happened?"
A headshake.
"I'm assuming Remus didn't take the news well?"
Another headshake.
"I'm sorry, mate. Maybe he just needs a few days to cool down?"
A wet sob wrenched at his heart. He squeezed Sirius tighter, taking his glasses off and tossing them behind him on the pillow. As soon as he felt Sirius begin to gasp for air and violently tremor from his distress, he gently eased the man around and hugged him to his chest. He stroked his fingers through Sirius' knotted dark curls and let the tears soak into his shirt and down his neck.
"It'll be okay, Pads, I promise. Just give him some space."
Sirius shook his head, accidently wiping his nose against James' neck. "Th-ink I re-ally f-fucked it u-up this t-i-i-me, Jimmy …"
"Shh, shh, none of that now. Remember what Mum always says?"
Silence.
"No matter how dark the night, the dawn will always come," James pressed his lips against Sirius' curls. "I'm not leaving, okay? You'll be alright, I promise."
Letting out a shuddering breath, Sirius nodded and burrowed closer, wrapping his arms around James' waist. It took a while, but eventually Sirius' breathing evened out as he drifted off into a tenuous sleep. James continued to stare up at the ceiling, rubbing soothing hands up and down Sirius' back to keep him warm and comfortable. He didn't know what had been said, but he truly hoped that whatever the issues were, they could be resolved with a bit of time and space.
He truly hoped they could find a way to fix things.
A/N: Much drama! I hope you enjoy it regardless x