Chapter 39 – Expansion Of Blockade

It was early, before sunrise, and Kaworu Nagisa stood on a hillside overlooking the city of Tokyo 3. He had to admit that it was a beautiful sight. Though the damage of the prior Angel attacks was still evident in the form of craters and shattered buildings littering the landscape this city was a testament to mankind's will to endure and persevere in the face of long odds.

He'd arrived in Japan by air two days prior and taken a train from Tokyo 2 the rest of the way to Tokyo 3, which had taken numerous hours to arrive. After this, he'd spend the previous day and a half settling in to the apartment that Keel had provided for him. During this time, all he could think about was what he was going to say when he spoke to any of the NERV pilots when he finally saw them while at the same time dealing with a growing existential dilemma.

Every time he slept those visions of the woman who looked so much like Ayanami would plague his dreams. Every morning when he awoke he had to remind himself that he was still breathing, that what he was experiencing in his waking hours was real. The past... life, he guessed, seemed almost like a dream that he couldn't awaken from. This new world which was similar and yet different to the one he'd originally inhabited felt strange, alien, off... just like how he himself was alien compared to the lilin themselves. The questions he had about his situation lingered through every waking hour, becoming ever more burdensome with every passing day.

Why was he alive again? For what purpose? Why did he keep having these visions of things that had never happened to him in his previous life? Why did he feel so distant, hollow, and detached from everything... the way he'd felt before he'd met Ayanami, Soryu, and Shinji-kun? Had his feelings for Shinji-kun ever been real or had he just been picking up on the feelings of those closer to him, letting them imprint upon himself? Had he simply... wanted human connection, even... intimacy with another person and latched on to the first person he'd gotten to know? Were those feelings even his own or had he simply allowed Ayanami's feelings to imprint upon him due to his... nature?

None of these questions were ones that he could answer at the present time. Many of these he feared he could never answer on his own... but he was determined to try. It all hinged on Ayanami... in those visions he had of that brown haired woman who looked like her that woman had been speaking to him as if he himself was Ayanami. It didn't make sense. The only way it would make sense would be if Ayanami could make sense of it...

He closed his eyes and bowed his head. He supposed that he would have to wait until after the school day ended. SEELE had arranged for him to transfer into the school Ayanami, Soryu, and Shinji-kun attended but he wasn't scheduled to join them there for another few days... but he didn't want to wait to confront her. He didn't want to wait to speak with her... but he had to. He heaved a heavy sigh. Waiting another ten hours or so until she was out of school wouldn't be too bad.

After all... he'd already waited a week for this moment to come...

"Not much longer..." he whispered to himself. "Just a little more time until we meet again..."

It was still early in her shift but Misato found herself unable to focus on the work at her desk. She'd been trying so very hard to keep it together since Shinji had been lost within Evangelion Unit 01 but it was truly starting to wear on her. Seeing Asuka and Rei playing video games during the few moments where she wasn't researching the shadier aspects of NERV had lifted her spirits a bit but... not much. It was nice that the two of them were taking comfort with each other's company but still the apartment felt so lonely without Shinji.

Shinji had become almost like a little brother to her. She missed him, and she could tell that Asuka and Rei missed him in their own ways. Part of her could sense that they'd been spending so much time with one another because they missed him. It hurt. It hurt to know that she couldn't do anything to comfort them. All she could do was lend cheerful words in the morning whenever she didn't have to go into work early and go about her days as she always had like nothing was wrong. That was the only way she knew how to do. Still... it felt so cold waking up in her apartment and having to make her own coffee and endure the silence without Shinji there.

She couldn't deal with it. After so many days of silent mornings and after Asuka had freaked out the previous day she couldn't take it anymore. She'd tried to talk to Asuka after she came home but the redhead had just shut herself in her room and refused to talk... Misato had cried in her room the previous night, alone, feeling more alone than she had in ages, since she'd broken up with Kaji back in college. The idea that the family she'd formed with Shinji and Asuka might forever be broken was so very painful. Those thoughts kept her from being able to focus on the menial paperwork her position required... and that was why she'd left her office to go to the Eva bays.

Now she was standing before the colossal form of Evangelion Unit 01, the beast that had taken Shinji away from her and everyone else that cared about him. Its helmet had been repaired and there were all sorts of tubes connected to it, preparation for the salvage operation that was set to take place in a little under two weeks. If what she'd been hearing about the operation was correct the odds of success were around fifty three percent, only slightly better than the flip of a coin. She could only hope that it would go the way everyone was hoping it would. She wanted her found family to be whole once more...

"What brings you here, Katsuragi?" Kaji's... Ryouji's voice rang in her ear.

She turned to find him standing a few meters away with that carefree smile of his absent from his lips and heaved a heavy sigh. "Just my worries," she replied. "And you can call me by my name, you know... since we're... like that again."

Kaji let out a wry laugh. "Well... it's been a while, so forgive me, Misato..." he replied.

Misato turned back to the enormous cyborg's visage, her scowl deepening. "I don't suppose you know anything more than you did last time we talked?" she inquired. "About the secrets of NERV that is..."

"Not really..." he replied softly. "In fact the mysteries have only been deepening. The answers to the Second Impact, Adam, the Evas... the Human Instrumentality Project, all remain out of my reach..."

"Pity..." Misato returned, almost under her breath. "What I would give to just... understand why all of this is happening..."

"That's been my mission here from the start," Ryouji stated, stepping closer to her and slipping his hand into hers. "The one I chose for myself, not the reason I was assigned."

Misato's lips curved upward. Typical Ryouji... "I know," she replied, squeezing his hand. "You've made that perfectly clear before."

"When the time is right, I'll share the files I have," he spoke softly. "But now is not the time."

Misato nodded. "I understand," she returned. "You want to be sure of everything before you make a move like you always do."

"Indeed," he replied, a little wry chuckle escaping him. "Try not to worry too much, Misato. You're in too crucial of a position to lose your cool. Have a little faith in Ritsuko."

Misato couldn't help but crack a sarcastic smile. "Ritsuko keeps too many secrets, just like you..." she muttered. "But you're right... she hasn't let us down yet."

Ryouji squeezed her hand and she allowed herself to lean against him in silence, her frown slowly curving up into a smile. There was nothing more that she could really say and she was honestly just taking a bit of comfort in his presence. It would totally set her off if he opened his mouth and said something stupid right now... but she knew eventually that moment would come. Misato closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulder. Just a little bit more, just to steady herself...

"So... do you have anything planned for when you get off work?" Ryouji asked.

Misato scowl returned once again. "No..." she muttered. "But I'm not sure Asuka would appreciate it if I went out with you right now. She's been having a rough time since the last battle..."

He laughed and placed his hand on her shoulder. "Fair enough," he returned. "I know you we can't spend all our time together, but... do let me know when we can go somewhere private again."

Misato slapped his hand away. "You pig..." she grumbled, shooting him a glare.

"For more than that," Ryouji replied gently. "Sometimes I just miss... you. Just being near you is pleasant..."

Instantly her anger began to abate, her scowl once more replaced with a soft smile. "I know you're not being completely honest..." Misato murmured, looking away from him. "But it's a nice sentiment..."

Ryouji laughed and leaned forward onto the railing of the walkway they stood on. "For once I am being completely honest, Katsuragi..." he returned.

Misato's smile widened even as she folded her arms and started walking away, back to her office, back to the drudgery of endless paperwork... "Well... that's a first then," she replied.

The school day had ended and Asuka had wasted no time in cramming her books back into her school bag and marching over to Rei's desk. Her friend hadn't even started packing up, her gaze remaining fixed on the landscape of the countryside out the window. "Hey, are you sure you're alright?" she asked the blue haired girl, confronting her at her desk. "You've been tense all day..."

Rei nodded softly. "I'm fine..." she murmured. "I just... have a bit on my mind."

Asuka shifted on her feet, her frown deepening, not sure of what to say. Things had been quite awkward in the morning when Rei had come to walk with her to school. She couldn't help but think that the way she'd stormed out of the harmonics test the previous day might have something to do with it but neither one of them brought the incident up at all. The only thing she did know was that Rei had seemed jumpy since the morning. Every loud noise and jarring impulse seemed to set her on edge or startle her, which was quite peculiar for her. She'd tried to ask her what was up at least three times prior to presently but Rei had deflected each time, just like now. She was closed off... just like everyone else was around her... "Fine..." she grumbled. "I won't ask again. You coming over today or no?"

Rei shook her head, the frown on her lips deepening. "I cannot," her azure haired friend replied softly, her eyebrows twitching nervously as she rose from her desk and started packing her things. "I was requested at NERV..."

This certainly caught her attention. "For what?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. There were no tests of any kind today... what was she needed at NERV for? Unless she was just trying to avoid her...

Rei shook her head and bit her lip. "I don't know..." she murmured softly. "Though I wish I did..."

Something about the way she said that just rubbed her the wrong way. She probably hadn't been called to NERV. She probably just didn't want to spend time with her and was just lying to spare her feelings. "You know if you don't want to hang out you can just say it..." Asuka hissed under her breath, turning away from Rei.

Rei flinched and looked at her with wide eyes. "Th- that's not true," she stammered.

Asuka scoffed at her, glaring at the blue haired girl as she threw her book bag over her shoulder. "Don't like to me," she spat. "I can tell when someone doesn't want to be around me."

Rei's conflicted expression intensified. "Asuka, that's not true..." she murmured softly.

Asuka leaned forward and snarled. "Then why won't you tell me what you're supposedly needed at NERV for?" she hissed.

Rei pulled her arm across her chest, grabbing the end of her sleeve, beginning to fidget with it as she looked away with a deep frown. "I don't know why I was summoned there..." she murmured. "Commander Ikari wants to see me... but I don't know why..."

Asuka pulled back slightly, puzzled at this statement. "Why would he want to see you?" she asked. What reason would Commander Ikari want to see her for? Didn't he have bigger things to worry about, like how his son was missing?

Rei bowed her head and continued fidgeting. "I don't know..." she practically squeaked.

Asuka held her harsh glare for a moment before heaving a heavy sigh. It was a lame excuse but she'd let it go... this time. "Whatever," she huffed. "See you tomorrow."

She didn't wait for Rei's reply before swiftly leaving the classroom. Maybe she was just being selfish but Asuka didn't care. She just didn't want to be alone in that apartment with Misato, surrounded and overwhelmed by the fact that that idiot Shinji was stuck in Unit 01. She didn't want to be reminded of how she'd stormed out of the harmonics test the previous day either, Misato had yet to scold her for it, but she knew it was probably coming, eventually... Maybe Hikari would be up for doing something so she could keep herself distracted from all the miserable thoughts and feelings she didn't want to be experiencing. It had been a while since she'd hung out with her anyway, and the last time all they'd done was go and sit with Touji in the medical ward of NERV until she couldn't take it anymore. Maybe today she'd be up to actually doing something fun or whatever...

It was strange though. Usually Hikari hung around in the hall near the classroom for a little while after the school day was over to make sure no one was running in the halls or posted up in the student council room to convene with the other class representatives. Today Asuka found her in neither place. It was unusual but not too concerning. Maybe she'd headed to NERV or something, a few days ago she'd procured Hikari a guest pass so she could visit the comatose Touji without her. Seeing him laying there and being reminded of her moment of weakness in battle was too uncomfortable to deal with so... that was why she'd done her that small favor. After leaving the empty student council room she made her way to the front entrance, alone...

And then she saw them.

There was Hikari, standing by the front entrance of the school, locked in an embrace with that four eyed bastard Kensuke. She had her arms around him and her head tucked into his shoulder and he was holding her tight around her waist. The sight instantly filled her with rage. How could Hikari be so broken up over what happened to Touji and yet at the same time be taking comfort with that stupid dork!? What kind of shit was that fucking nerd trying to pull with her friend!? Had he no shame? Did she have any kind of pride? Was there any kind of affection or friendship or love that wasn't just superficial bullshit!? "What the hell is this!?" Asuka spat.

Instantly the two of them recoiled away from one another and stared at her with an expression of shock. It was obvious from Hikari's red eyes that she'd been crying. "A- Asuka," she stuttered.

"I- it's not what you think..." Kensuke stammered.

Asuka folded her arms and scowled. The fact that they were making excuses all but told her that it was an indicator that what she was seeing was damn well what she thought it was. "Really now? Then what the hell is it?" she hissed.

Kensuke shifted on his feet and looked away. "We were just sharing a hug..." he muttered. "It's been hard ever since what happened to Touji and then Shinji..."

"Yeah..." Hikari murmured, looking down at the ground. "That's it..."

Asuka scrunched up her nose. "Oh yeah?" she scoffed. "Then why are you so embarrassed about it, huh?"

"I mean, it's kinda embarrassing, right?" Kensuke replied, scratching the back of his head.

"Asuka, stop..." Hikari murmured, looking at her with a conflicted expression.

That look caused her anger to waver. Fine. She would acknowledge that they weren't doing anything questionable, but it still hurt seeing the two of them like that, holding one another, comforting each other. With all the shit she was going through, all the baggage she carried, why didn't she have anyone who would just... hold her like that? If anyone deserved it then she definitely deserved that courtesy, but no... no one had ever wanted to get close enough, not since mother died. Even her stupid father hadn't wanted to understand, had wanted to look at her, wanted to hold her...

It hurt so much. All of her friends were finding comfort with one another and no matter what she did or how ever much she tried no one was ever there for her when she needed them to be. She'd worked so hard for people no notice her, to praise, her but as soon as she was having a problem then no one gave a damn. Rei was going to go do whatever, Hikari clearly didn't need her anymore, and Misato was too wrapped up with Kaji to ever ask her if she was alright. As always she had no one, no one who cared enough to lend her a shoulder to cry on... not that she even wanted one anyway. She was too proud to weep over her problems but... that feeling of being alone with no one who cared still stung. "Fine..." she grumbled, stomping past the two of them and heading for the exit. "Go ahead and lick each other's wounds. It's pathetic..."

She didn't care about Hikari calling after her. Asuka broke into a run immediately after exiting the school building. If no one was going to be there for her when she needed them then fine, she'd just deal with it. She'd always been alone, what difference did it make?

She didn't know how long she ran or how far. The only thing she knew was that she wanted to get away from everyone, where no one would be able to see her crying.

It was mid afternoon and Gendo sat at his desk, slumped back in his chair, his foot tapping rhythmically as he contemplated the gravity of what would transpire soon. Rei should be out of school by now and already on her way. Soon it would be done...

He'd thought it over again and again, each time coming to the same conclusion that what he was about to do was the best course of action. It would certainly tie up some loose ends and eliminate some liabilities now that he'd decided to abandon his scenario. It would also definitively mark the point of no return. Once he did this thing there would be no way back from it. It would make a definitive end to one period of his life and the beginning of another and yet... still a part of him wondered if it was the right choice, if he could live with it. Once he did what he had to there would be no way that he would be able to see Yui again. That was a certainty.

He closed his eyes and breathed a shaky sigh, running his hand through his hair. No. He'd been over this many times in the last week. Yui had done the things she did for the sake of the world, for all mankind, including him. As painful as it was to accept her wishes it was the right thing to do. He'd done so much that went against her wishes already, there was no room for second thoughts. He would go onward, do what was necessary, and carry out her wishes from now on. The action he'd decided on was the first step in doing that. Yet... it was still so incredibly painful. Even if he was going to do the right thing he would never stop missing her or stop loving her...

"Be strong..." he whispered to himself, glad that no one was there to hear him trying to reassure himself. "You can do this..."

He took a deep breath and leaned forward, his elbows coming to rest on his desk, his hands clasped in front of his face. It wouldn't be long now...

Rei swiped her key card, opening the door to one of the many secure entrances to the geofront with a shaky exhale of breath. Every step she took toward NERV's headquarters only served to heighten her growing feelings of apprehension. The idea that Commander Ikari might be in the midst of some kind of psychiatric distress as pointed out by Ritsuko filled her with dread to see him but... he asked to see her, and as much as she hated it she had to obey his commands. If she didn't she'd be replaced, that she was certain of... but could that be the reason he was calling her down to his office anyway? She shuddered at the thought. No. That couldn't be why he wanted to see her... right?

She reached an elevator at the end of the corridor she'd been trudging through, stepped inside, and pressed the button to descend the many layers into the depths. The doors slammed shut and Rei slumped against the wall, closing her eyes to steady her breathing. Never before had she been more apprehensive to see Commander Ikari. Logically she knew that he probably wasn't going to replace her but there were still... other things he might try to do, unsavory things. Considering what he'd done to her using Adam in the other world in her other life... she wouldn't put it past him to do worse than that if he was in a bad place psychologically. She was pretty sure Ritsuko might have been hinting at that the last time they saw one another. The fact that he'd wished her goodnight the previous night also stuck out to her. Was he trying lull her into a position of comfort so he could... take advantage? She shuddered at the thought in disgust. Just for thinking that she felt like she needed a shower...

"Disgusting..." she murmured to herself, shaking her head and gritting her teeth.

Perhaps before she stopped by Commander Ikari's office it would be good to drop by Ritsuko's work station and discuss her worries with her... no. No she couldn't do that. It would probably just make Ritsuko behave irrationally. Most likely Ritsuko still had lingering feelings for the commander and her raising her fears to her would just make her do something stupid. No. She had to face whatever she was walking into alone...

Her thoughts drifted to Shinji, still trapped in Unit 01. How she wished he could be with her to face him. There would be no risk of any harm befalling her if he was accompanying her... Maybe whatever Commander Ikari had to say had something to do with that. She had tried to encourage him to mend their relationship... perhaps he was going to ask her for advice? Though that was incredibly unlikely it was a pleasant thought. All she could do was hope for the best and endure whatever happened in that office.

But no matter how hard she tried, she could keep her hands from shaking...

The minutes felt like hours as her trek brought her deeper into headquarters once she left the elevator. It almost felt like the walls of each and every corridor she passed through were closing in around her. She didn't want to keep going. She wanted to run, but she couldn't. If she did then Commander Ikari would know there was something amiss. If she did then he'd probably have her hunted down, snatched up, replaced. She had to keep going, no matter how difficult it was. It was the only hope for surviving to see another day...

Rei paused for a moment, bracing her hand against the wall of the empty corridor she was in that stretched on and on... Anger began to well up in her chest as her anxious shaking turning to trembling fury. She hated that she was still bound to the fate she was created for. She hated the very essence of what she was. She didn't ask to be created the way she had been. She hadn't asked to be created at all. Why did she have to live the lives she had, so filled with cruelty, controlled by powers greater than herself? Why couldn't Yui-sama have sent her to a world where she could be normal, a world without NERV or Angels, without Evangelions, without the threat of Third Impact? "I hate this..." she choked out through gritted teeth as tears stung her eyes, a question she'd asked a lot in recent days that she still had no answer to escaping her. "Why does it have to be this way?"

Once again, there was only silence in response...

Rei wiped at her eyes and took a few deep breaths to steady herself before continuing. She had to be strong. Facing the commander without her wits or too distracted by emotion was not a good idea so she had to shove it all down. Even so, the silence from within and without that followed every time she asked that question of herself was... agonizing.

Eventually the corridors transitioned into the black halls of the NERV pyramid. Soon enough she'd be there. She had to be strong, stoic, the image that the commander had crafted for her, the image of herself she'd grown to detest. She fought back the waves of disgust and anger as she drew closer to his office. Soon enough... she stood before his door, and after a moment of hesitation she pushed it open, stepping inside.

There he sat at his desk, his hands clasped in front of his face, the usual position he'd greet her with whenever he summoned her here. After that, the first thing she noticed was that he wasn't wearing those awful orange sunglasses anymore and instead had a pair of clear glasses on his face. This was strange. She hadn't seen him with normal glasses since the accident with Unit 00. What did it mean? Did it mean anything? Did it have something to do with Ritsuko's claims of him being unstable? "I've arrived as requested, sir," she stated as calmly as she could.

He moved his hands away from his face and set them on his desk but his face remained unreadable, perhaps because of the dim lighting. After a moment he gestured to her with an open palm, beckoning her closer. She could feel her heartbeat in her chest, her blood pulsing in her ears with every step she took closer. She stopped about ten meters away, the distance that he normally told her to stop, but he didn't tell her to stop this time... why?

"Come closer," he spoke, his voice soft, uncharacteristically gentle. It set her nerves on edge...

"Yes sir..." she murmured softly, stepping forward, awaiting the gesture of a raised palm to stop her advance, but... that call to halt never came. She only stopped when she was centimeters away from his desk, practically up against it.

At this distance she could actually read his expression... mostly. He looked calm but... somber in a way she couldn't really put her finger on. It was puzzling and... frightening in a way. The half smile on his lips was strange coupled with his knitted eyebrows. What was going through his mind? "How have you been?" he asked.

"Well enough," she responded as evenly as she could, trying to suppress any outward display of emotion despite the pounding of her heart and her growing anxiety.

Commander Ikari sighed. "Well enough is not well..." he replied, standing up from his seat and turning around to face the window, folding his hands behind his back. "Correct?"

Something about how he worded that seemed so... genuine, but she wouldn't trust it. "Perhaps..." she murmured softly, defensively.

"You're wondering why I've summoned you, yes?" he asked, his back still facing her.

She couldn't stop herself from flinching at his words. "I am..." replied, her voice barely above a whisper.

He breathed a sigh and bowed his head, still not turning around. Had she ever heard him sigh before? This was peculiar, uncanny even... "You know what you are," he spoke, his voice even but coming across with just a hint of sadness, regret even. "You know full well what your purpose has been since the day of your activation, correct?"

Rei put her arm across her chest and tugged at her sleeve to steady herself. "I do..." she returned softly, nervously. Where was he going with this? Why did he feel the need to remind her of this?

There was a long pause before he spoke again. "Do you... resent me, for the things I've put you through?" he inquired, still not looking in her direction.

Her eyes went wide. This was totally unexpected. How should she respond to this? Her first instinct was to lie, to say anything other than the truth. If she told the truth then he'd just use that to his advantage, steer the conversation in a direction he wanted it to go, or use it as justification to replace her... but a part of her wanted to admit her feelings. She'd kept her loathing of him buried for far to long to hold back. He'd hurt her long enough and if the world was doomed anyway what was the point? Even so... she just couldn't do it. "Sir?" she vocalized. It was all she could muster.

Once again, Commander Ikari emitted a sigh. He lifted his head and stared out at the landscape of the geofront, tucking his hands behind his back. "I would understand if you did," he muttered. "After all... I purposefully kept you isolated from people, conditioned you not to value anything but the goal..."

Rei's brow knit and she clenched the hand that remained at her side into a fist as a pulse of anger thrummed in her heart. Was he taunting her? She didn't want to be reminded of these horrible things... "Why are you bringing this up now?" she asked, the words slipping out before she could bite them back.

Commander Ikari looked downward once again and said nothing for a number of seconds that seemed to drag on forever. "I've noticed you changing over the last few months..." he returned softly, breaking the silence.

Rei's breath caught in her throat. "Y- you have?" she asked, unable to prevent a slight stutter to her words.

Commander Ikari nodded. "I have," he continued, his tone becoming more and more contemplative with each passing sentence. "You've formed bonds with your fellow pilots and the people around you... I suppose this was bound to happen eventually, as detrimental to the plan as it was, but I accepted it for what it was. People need connections to persevere, something I'd almost forgotten... and your concern for my son has been rather obvious for a while..."

He fell silent once again and Rei shifted on her feet, confused. She wanted to say something but the words died in her throat. She was too anxious to think of a good inquiry. Where was he going with this conversation? What did it mean? Was she safe or wasn't she?

It was then that the commander finally at long last turned back around to face her which caused her to flinch involuntarily. His gaze bored down at her with tired looking eyes over a deep frown. "Have you ever had second thoughts about the scenario and your place in it?" he inquired flatly.

Rei's eyes widened and she took half a step back before she even realized she'd done it. Every muscle in her body tensed up and she froze in place even though her mind was screaming at her to run. She couldn't believe what was happening now. He was going to replace her. He was going to kill her... "I- I-" she stammered but couldn't say anything.

His lips curved upwards slightly. Even though it wasn't the smirk she'd seen him wear so many times it still seemed uncanny. If what she was witnessing was truly a genuine smile what did it mean? Did it mean her fears were justified or not? "You don't need to say anything," Commander Ikari replied evenly. "Your stammering says enough..."

Rei wanted to run, she wanted with every fiber of her being to retreat, but she was frozen with fear and worry. "Wh- why are you s- saying all th- this?" she stammered weakly, her knees threatening to give out.

He leaned forward and placed his palms atop his desk, once again bowing his head with a heavy sigh. "I've had a lot of things to think about in recent days," he continued speaking, almost rambling. "Perhaps this is the culmination of everything that's been happening since the return of the Angels. Perhaps circumstances have changed or... perhaps I've changed as a person... but regardless of that, I'm taken some time to... reconsider my course of action and my scenario going forward..."

Rei's breath hitched and her mouth fell open. This was getting interesting... but she wouldn't allow herself to feel relief just yet. "How... so?" she murmured slowly.

He said nothing and stepped to his right, reaching down and opening the drawer on the right hand side of his desk, the same drawer she knew he kept his pistol in... Rei wanted to bolt at that moment, while he wasn't looking at her. If he was going to shoot her here in his office maybe she could put enough distance between the two of them that she wouldn't get hit... but her legs felt like jelly. It was getting harder to even stand, let alone run. She flinched when his hand lifted up from the drawer. She'd genuinely been expecting him to be holding his pistol but instead the item he retrieved was a box, a little metal box with a four digit combination lock at it's edge. Commander Ikari set it on his desk, sliding it to the edge, and looked her in the eyes. "The combination is zero three three zero," he stated firmly. "Open it..."

This took her totally by surprise. Was this... "A gift?" she asked nervously. He'd never given her a gift before, unless she counted the glasses she'd taken after her testing accident, but she didn't count that... "For me?"

He nodded slowly, his lips twitching upward once again ever so slightly. "It is," he returned softly.

Rei hesitated for a moment before stepping forward until she was right at the edge of the desk. She reached out and began fumbling with the rollers on the lock, putting in the numbers one after another. She supposed that she could just pick up the box and leave but despite the stress and anxiety pulsing through her the sense of curiosity was winning. She needed to know what this gift of his was immediately... She thumbed the final number in and pulled the catches at either end of the case and instantly her eyes went wide at what she saw.

Adam...

Rei's heart nearly stopped from the shock. Instantly she recoiled and brought her hands to her chest. Seeing the tiny embryonic form of the First Angel, the key to unlocking the Door Of Guf and the end of the world staring up at her was startling beyond all recognition. This was her gift? What did it mean? "Why?" she asked, looking up at Commander Ikari with a truly puzzled and fearful expression.

Commander Ikari's smile softened and his eyes relaxed, his entire posture slumping slightly. "I've abandoned my original scenario..." he murmured, his gravely voice more gentle and kind than she'd ever heard it. "I've realized that... my wife wouldn't approve, it wasn't what she wanted for me or for humanity and you... you've suffered among the most because of my foolish crusade. I cannot apologize for how I've treated, no words are enough, but perhaps this can act as some form of recompense..."

Rei felt her eyes stinging and her vision getting cloudy, her hands beginning to shake as she let them come to rest at her side. This moment felt so unreal... "What does it mean?" she shakily inquired.

Commander Ikari's smile remained unwavering as he reached over and gently closed the metal case containing the embryonic first Angel. "Your future and your fate is now in your own hands. That is my gift, and my trust in you..." he returned softly. "Do with it as you will..."

Those words rang in her ears over and over. It was so unbelievably overwhelming. Her chest began to tighten and her throat began to close up as the stinging in her eyes intensified. This... this was it! Somehow, someway, something had gotten through to him and he'd changed his mind! His version of Third Impact was no longer an obstacle to overcome! She'd won... and she couldn't restrain the torrent of raw emotion any longer... Rei pressed her arms to her side and smiled even as the tears began to fall. She lowered herself into a deep bow and words she never thought she'd ever say to him spilled out of her...

"Thank you..." she returned, just above a whisper.

The sudden knock at her office door took Ritsuko by surprise. She hadn't been expecting anyone to visit her. Rei usually would let her know she was coming, Maya was working on assignments she'd given her up at the command bridge, and considering how Commander Ikari had embarrassed himself in front of her she doubted it would be him. Considering how things had been between them in the past few weeks she doubted it would be Misato either. It could be Kaji... but she doubted he wanted to show his face around her office, after all, she had noticed one of her key cards missing recently and could assume he was the culprit behind that. Whoever it was it didn't matter, the door needed answering and she was starting to get bored with reading data sheet after data sheet regarding the coming salvage operation and cost analyses of Unit 00 and Unit 02's repairs. She stood up from her desk and headed to the door. When she opened it she found herself blinking in surprise...

There was Rei with the biggest smile she'd ever seen on her face, tears streaming from her eyes, holding a small metal lock box in her hand. "May I come in?" she asked.

Ritsuko was quite perplexed but she nodded and smiled in response. "You're always welcome now," she replied. "You know that."

Rei's smile somehow grew even wider. "Thank you," she returned, stepping inside swiftly and heading to the folding chair that was kept just for her.

Ritsuko watched her unfold it and sit down as she made her way back to her own swivel chair. This was most unexpected and quite curious... "What's in the box?" she inquired as she sat down.

Rei looked up with her, that wide smile never wavering, before looking down at her lap and gripping the box tightly. "It may be best if I show you..." she replied.

Ritsuko watched as she keyed in the combination to the box and then opened it. As soon as she laid eyes on the thing inside her jaw went slack. "I- I can't believe this..." she murmured. "Is... is this what I think that is?"

Rei looked up at her and nodded firmly. "Yes..." she murmured softly. "It is..."

Ritsuko's mind began firing into overdrive. How on earth was this possible? Wasn't that filthy thing supposed to be implanted in Gendo's hand? How in the bloody blue blazes could Rei have managed to get her hands on this horrid thing!? "H- how?" she sputtered. That was all she could manage to say.

Rei closed the case and rested her hands gently atop it, her smile becoming almost wistful as the tears flowing down her cheeks began to ebb. "I... met with Commander Ikari today..." she replied softly, running her fingers over the top of the case. "He... he told me that he's... given up on his plans to start Third Impact and he gave me this..."

Ritsuko's heart skipped a beat. What on earth had prompted this sudden shift in Gendo's perception? First she finds him drunk on the floor of his quarters and now he'd given the keys to the end of the world to Rei, freely no less? "What are you saying?" she asked.

Rei looked up at her with a wide smile before looking back down at the case. "I... I mean... we've won..." she replied after a moment, her voice shaky but holding a great deal of joy in its timbre.

Ritsuko let those words resonate and after a moment she frowned after taking a moment to analyze the information she'd just received. There had to be some kind of ulterior motive. It was Gendo who'd given this thing to Rei after all... "Are you sure it's not a trick?" she asked, her voice coming out perhaps a bit more firm and aggressive than she intended. "Are you sure he's not toying with you?"

Rei flinched and her smile died instantly. "Wh- why would it be a deception?" she asked, her expression becoming a tad bit nervous.

Rei stared down at the metal case on her lap. "If it were a trick... I doubt he would have given me his greatest asset..." she murmured softly, her lips curving slightly upward once more. "He... he told me that I'm... free to choose my fate... and my future..."

Ritsuko thought on those words for a while and the more she did the more the urge to smile grew. The way that Rei said those things... it was evident that Gendo had been being genuine with her. It came as a relief and it also warmed her heart. To think that something or someone had gotten through to him and made him change his mind was thrilling. Perhaps the day she'd found him intoxicated was part of the process to that shift within him. Either way it was a major victory and she could understand why Rei would be feeling elated in that moment but there were more things to consider besides Gendo afoot. If the rumors were true then the Human Instrumentality Committee and this weird SEELE organization that she'd heard rumors of still wanted to initiate the Third Impact... "This is a major breakthrough," she replied. "But there are still other things we must contend with, correct?"

Rei looked up at her with a bit of a wide eyed expression before looking down at the box in her lap once again, fidgeting with the lock. "Yes..." she murmured after a moment of silence. "The attack from the JSSDF is something we might still have to contend with."

Ritsuko thought for a moment. "Do you think that might be part of the reason he gave that to you, if he really has changed his mind on things?" she inquired.

Rei tilted her head to the side ever so slightly, her face taking on a pensive look before looked down once again. "I... I don't know," she replied after a long pause, frown beginning to take shape on her lips.

Ritsuko crossed her legs and rested her elbow on her knee, planting her chin in her palm. "I suppose it would make locating it by someone who might want to use it more difficult..." she muttered. "But I can't see him giving that... thing... to you just because of something like that."

Rei looked up at her, this time her expression looking fierce, her brow scrunched up and a fire burning in her eyes. "I could see it in his eyes, Ritsuko-san," she returned, her voice losing intensity after that first sentence and she turned her eyes away. "There was no ulterior motive. He just... did a kind thing for me..."

Ritsuko stared at the blue haired girl for an indeterminate amount of time, her brow knitting up as she thought over her next words. It was so strange to hear Rei actually defending Gendo after everything she'd been through, and for what it was worth, what both of them had been through together as well. "Are you absolutely certain?" she murmured. Part of her really wanted to believe Rei... but it was so hard after all that had been revealed so far.

Rei nodded, meeting her gaze once more. "Commander Ikari has done a lot of terrible things," she replied, her voice even and firm. "But he's never lied directly to me before."

Ritsuko let those words sink in and her harsh expression softened. If Rei didn't see Gendo's actions as suspicious then she wouldn't allow herself to be clouded by her own misgivings. If Rei was certain that Gendo had changed his mind then she'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Even so... it was difficult to put the sight of him shooting her in Rei's memories to rest. "Well..." she returned gently, reaching over and taking Rei's hand in hers. "I guess that's enough then... for now."

Rei nodded, her lip twitching upward. "Yeah..." she replied. "For now..."

Ritsuko sighed, turning around and grabbing her pack of cigarettes off of her desk. She fiddled with the pack in her hands as she thought of what to say next instead of just lighting one. It was honestly a bit of a marvel that Rei tolerated her smoking without complaint. No... she wasn't stressed enough, this was ultimately some good news amid everything that was going on, and she'd subjected Rei to a lot of second hand smoke recently... "What do you think his next move will be?" she asked, thumbing the cover of the cigarette pack back and forth.

Rei's brow knit and her smile evaporated. "I'm not sure..." she replied softly. "I would imagine he will keep it to himself, whatever he course of action he decides.

Ritsuko nodded, an earnest frown taking shape on her lips. "I would assume that as well," she replied. "I know you're happy about this but... I can't let myself trust him, at least not yet..."

"I understand," Rei replied warmly, a sympathetic expression washing over her. "Knowing what you do about him... about me... and how you feel about him... I understand."

It was getting harder and harder to resist that cigarette... "How I feel about him?" she asked, her frown intensifying.

Rei seemed to shrink in her chair and looked away. "I'm sorry," she replied. "I didn't mean to upset you."

Ritsuko bit the inside of her lip and finally pulled out a cigarette from her pack. "Perhaps you have a point..." she muttered softly before lighting it.

"So... you gave it to Rei then..." Fuyutsuki spoke softly as he moved a tile on the board. "What prompted this decision?"

Gendo stared down at the board, unsure of his next move and equally unsure of his reply. He was seeing queues that he was losing this game but that didn't surprise him. His mind was elsewhere, not really focused on what was in front of him and more focused on what he'd seen in the past hour...

The decision to gift Adam to Rei had been an impulsive one, he would admit that to himself. As he no longer had a use for it seemed fitting for her to have it. As he'd told her, it was the least he could do to make up for the life he'd given her. What was surprising though was just how visceral her reaction to his statements of regret and his gift had been. Part of him had somewhat expected her to already had doubts about the plan, how else would she have allowed herself friendships, but her reaction has still been a shock. In all the time that he'd been in charge of Rei he'd not once ever seen her shed tears or display such gratitude. It stirred so much within him to see that. He'd... wanted to hug her after seeing her like that but he just couldn't bring himself to do so. Doing that was just... it just wasn't something he was comfortable doing. It would have been awkward, especially considering how she must have grown to dislike him, if she no longer wished to become his ark however many months before today that she began to have doubts. Well... maybe he was just inferring dislike, but considering the monster he'd let himself become, he wouldn't blame her... Besides, giving her Adam was a good way to keep it hidden from SEELE... "I thought it was an effective means to let he know the plan has changed," he replied, finally moving a tile.

Fuyutsuki chuckled and instantly made a move of his own. "Do you think it wise giving her the keys to the Chamber of Guf?" he asked.

Gendo sighed and studied the board once more. As much as it hurt to definitively admit to himself that he would never hold Yui again... it was comforting to know that one of the last surviving pieces of her could move forward because of that action. "No better person could have it..." he replied as he moved his next tile.

Fuyutsuki gave him an incredulous look. "Oh?" he asked. "You trust her this much?"

Something about the way the older man said that irked him. "A little trust can go a long way," Gendo countered, glaring at his opponent.

Fuyutsuki smiled warmly, another little laugh escaping him as he looked down at the shogi board. "You know... perhaps Yui was right about you..." he mused.

Gendo's eyes narrowed at that statement. "What exactly are you getting at, sensei?" she growled.

Fuyutsuki raised his gaze and smiled. "That despite your gruff exterior and propensity for secrecy, deep down, at your core... perhaps you truly are a good man," he returned.

Gendo's lips parted slightly in response to that statement. Yui was the only one who'd ever called him that up until now... After a moment he allowed himself a smile, a genuine one, like the one he'd shown Rei just a little earlier in the day. Somehow... he knew that if Yui could see him now that she'd be smiling too. "Make you move..." he murmured softly.

He was probably going to lose this game but he just didn't care...

It was evening and Asuka was sitting on the edge of one of the many crater lakes formed by the battles against the Angels. She'd wandered around the city ever since leaving school to try and clear her mind. It hadn't helped much but it was better than spending time alone in that apartment or risking dealing with Misato. Though the sunset she was watching was very pretty it also signaled that it was almost time for her to go back to the apartment. If she didn't then she would never hear the end of it, as tempting as it was to just stay out all night somewhere. She pulled her knees up to her chin and sighed. She knew she should probably get going but she just couldn't bring herself to, wanting to stay in that warmth the sun provided just a little more...

"Admiring the sunset, Soryu-san?" an unfamiliar voice spoke from behind her.

Asuka instantly bristled and stood up, startled, turning to face whomever it was that disturbed her solitude. It was a boy her age, wearing a school uniform very similar to her own school's uniform, with white hair and red eyes, someone she'd never seen before. He wasn't even looking at her, simply standing a few meters away and staring out at the sunset. The fact he'd managed to approach without her noticing was puzzling enough but not nearly as his appearance. Something about him reminded her of Rei but she couldn't place it... but more importantly who did he think he was, addressing her like this! "Who are you and how the hell do you know my name!?" she snapped.

The boy's lips curved upward in a smile that was... honestly kind of charming as he turned his head to face her. "Why everyone knows who you are," he replied. "You're the pilot of Evangelion Unit 02, the famous Asuka Langley Soryu. You're pretty easy to recognize considering your western complexion."

Asuka glared at him and balled her fists. She would admit that her skin was a bit lighter and pinker than the average Japanese person, she would give him that... but it still didn't explain why he was talking to her. Besides, it was rude to start a conversation without introducing one's self. The fact that he'd crept up on her was unsettling as well... "Yeah, well, then who the hell are you?" she retorted. "And why are you sneaking up on people sitting alone unannounced? Are you some kind of pervert or something?"

The white haired boy shook his head. "It's not the first time I've been accused but I'm not sure I have the capacity," he replied.

That threw Asuka for a loop. Such a strange answer... she wasn't sure how to respond. Was he asexual or something? "Then why the heck are you here talking to me then, appearing out of nowhere like a creep?" she asked, the venom starting to leave her voice. "And it's rude not to introduce yourself..."

He turned and gave a slight bow. "Very well," he returned. "My name is Nagisa, Kaworu Nagisa. It's a pleasure to meet you, Soryu-san."

Asuka blinked in surprise. Something about how formal he was behaving was striking. She wasn't used to people her own age treating her like this, especially not a boy. It was actually enough to put a smile on her face. "Well, good to meet you, Kaworu," Asuka replied, allowing herself to relax just a little bit.

Kaworu stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Forgive me for being so forward but are you lost?," he said, looking off into the distance in the direction of the setting sun. "Or are you out here because there's something bothering you?"

Instantly her walls went back up. "I just met you and you want me to share my feelings?" she snapped. "You've got some balls..."

"You don't have to," he replied, turning to leave, that soft smile he was wearing unchanged. "I was simply curious as to why you're out here alone, but I can see you don't want to talk. Take care, Soryu-san."

Asuka watched as he began to walk away and for some reason she felt a bit guilty. He definitely was forward and strange but... he seemed like he meant well. On top of that, he was the first person she'd talked to in forever who didn't know about what was going on with her at school or at NERV, who didn't know about the bullshit she was dealing with. It couldn't hurt to keep the conversation going. At the very least it would help to distract from everything and provide an excuse for getting home late... "Hey, uh, wait..." she called out to him.

He turned around and regarded her over his shoulder, that smile replaced with a light frown. "Yes?" he returned.

Asuka thought of anything to say, looking him over. "That school uniform you're wearing," she spoke. "Do you go to school around here?"

His lips curved upward as he turned to face her once again. "As a matter of fact, I'll be attending your school starting a few days from now," he replied.

Asuka blinked in surprise. She was not expecting that answer. So she was going to be seeing this boy regularly around? Well... she supposed it wasn't so bad. He was surprisingly easy to talk to... "Oh?" she asked. "What class will you be transferring into? Do you know yet?"

"Class 2A," he returned. "Why do you ask?"

Her breath caught in her throat. "That's the class I'm in..." she replied.

Kaworu's smile widened momentarily. "Is it now?" he returned.

She nodded, not sure of how to respond to him.

"I see..." he replied, looking downward and stroking his chin with a contemplative expression. "Interesting..."

Asuka tilted her head to the side. He really was a peculiar individual. "What's interesting about it?" she asked.

He looked up, that painfully charming and cheerful grin returning to his lips. "Oh, nothing," he replied, turning around and waving. "I guess I'll be seeing you again soon then, Soryu-san."

Asuka's brow knit up as she watched him go. "I guess so..." she murmured softly.

She watched him saunter away for a while, unsure of what to make of him as darkness encroached on her position. He was different from other boys her age, that was for sure. Perhaps the two of them could become friends, like how she'd become friends with Rei and Shinji. The idea was kinda nice... everyone else seemed to judge her for everything but he'd let it go when she'd gotten defensive about her feelings. The fact that he hadn't pitied her or pressed her about what was bugging her was a welcome departure from how everyone else treated her, that was for sure...

Asuka turned back to the hillside just in time to see the sun disappear behind it and frowned. Misato was definitely going to pissed about her coming home after dark... "I guess it's time to leave..." she murmured.

Fujita slammed his empty glass of beer down on the bar top. "Damn, both the commander and vice commander," he vocalized with a little laugh. "No wonder you had to go silent back then!"

Kaji breathed a sigh and sipped the old fashioned he held in his hand, taking a look around the pub that he'd met the fellow spy at. Bars were great places to meet and exchange information at, he'd learned that over the years, the clamoring of voices made individual conversations difficult to hear unless one was part of them. That said, he'd been out alone in an attempt to clear his head and process the latest leads and Fujita just so happened to be at the bar. Though he was suspicious that he'd been followed at first, the state of partial inebriation that he was in signaled to him that he'd been on site before he'd arrived, it was just his luck it would seem. Fujita had asked about why he'd gone silent during his excursion to the Dummy Plug plant and he'd only told him because of how annoying he was being about it. "Yeah," he replied. "It wasn't fun."

"What were they talking about anyway?" Fujita pressed with a smirk. "Anything interesting? Come on, I know you want to keep things to yourself, I get it, but you gotta tell me something. After all, I'm paying for tonight you know."

Kaji scowled at the smug bastard. "That was your decision," he retorted. "You saw me walk in here, bought me a drink, and immediately started trying to grill me. It's not going to work."

Fujita's eyes narrowed and his arrogant grin remained. "Well, you're gonna have to give me something, otherwise I might get bored of our little arrangement..." he returned in a sickeningly silky tone. "Those security feeds are tiring to black out properly..."

Kaji decided to call his bluff. "And if I'm captured, your name will be the first thing that passes my lips when questioned," he retorted with his own smug grin taking form.

Fujita sighed and ran a hand through his hair, that smirk unwavering. "I would expect as much," he replied, raising his hand to signal the bartender as he did. "The two of us certainly know how to play the game..."

"Indeed we do," Kaji replied, taking a sip of his drink once more. "If we didn't I doubt either of us would have lasted as long as we have."

"Very true," Fujita agreed, his grin finally beginning to waver. "But you've been having quite the streak of close calls from what you've told me..."

"It comes with the territory, being an agent for three comflicting organizations," he replied. "I'm sure you understand."

Fujita's smirk returned. "And the Japanese government just happens to be the one you feel the most loyalty to," he mused. "How patriotic of you..."

Kaji sipped his drink and stared at the bottles behind the bar. "My true loyalty is to the truth," he returned flatly.

Fujita sighed. "There you go again, speaking so idealistically," he retorted. "Shouldn't you understand that the truth is something we obfuscate and bury in our line of work? That is part of purpose of espionage, isn't it?"

"The purpose of espionage is to entrust the truth to those who have the need for it," Kaji countered. "To the people who can most effect change."

"And you think you're the one who can do that?" Fujita huffed.

Kaji closed his eyes and shook his head, the memory of his brother and friends laying dead in a storehouse after being shot to death by SDF soldiers flashing through his mind. "No," he replied with a deepening frown. "I'm not sure who is... I simply wish to understand the reasons for things being as they are in this world we live in. Let's just say it's for personal reasons..."

"So you're in this just to satisfy your ego," Fujita replied, his tone sounding just a bit frustrated. "One of these days that's going to get your killed, Kaji."

Kaji sighed. "I've made my peace with that," he returned. "It's a price I'm willing to pay if it means I can understand."

"You may have, but has Katsuragi?" Fujita countered. "From how you talk about her I'm sure she'd be disappointed."

Kaji's frown deepened. "That's perhaps my only worry..." he returned softly, sipping his drink.

"Not as a colleague, but man to man, I would suggest you take that into consideration," Fujita replied.

Kaji thought for a moment about whatever meaning could be ascribed to those words. Perhaps he should give her all the data he'd collected should worse come to worse. If there was anyone he trusted enough to carry on his mission should the worst come to pass it was her. Besides... it was simpler than just telling how he really felt about her. "You're right," he returned softly. "I probably should..."

Misato sat at the kitchen table in her apartment, sipping a can of beer and trying to take her mind off of the horrible silence that plagued her home as of late. Asuka still wasn't home yet and that was making it all the worse. Even if things had been tense between the two of them lately it was better than just being alone...

She still hadn't had a chance to talk with her about her outburst after the last harmonics test. That she could probably chalk up to her own cowardice. She'd never been good at dealing with emotional situations and if she was being honest with herself she'd been rather grateful that Rei had been staying over with them. It had filled the apartment with noise to distract her from Shinji's absence, even if that noise had been from the TV instead of conversation, and it had kept her from having to talk to Asuka. The previous night she'd allowed her a moment to breathe even thought Rei hadn't come over but she knew that they needed to talk. She'd resolved to do that today, and the beer would give her the strength to do so. Alcohol was called liquid courage for a reason after all.

She heard the door to the apartment whir open and instantly she chugged down the rest of her beer. This was it. She was going to talk with her... "Hey," she called out, looking toward the front hallway. "Welcome home..."

Asuka appeared in the kitchen with a defeated expression on her face. "Hey Misato," she grumbled. "Drinking alone again?"

Misato frowned and looked away from her young ward, down at the empty beer can, the image of Shinji's empty clothes flashing through her mind. "Can you blame me, considering what's going on right now?" she retorted.

Asuka let out a huff of disapproval and she turned around in time to see the redhead's lip curl in disgust. "How very mature of you," she snorted.

Misato glared up at her. She didn't want to go this route but she'd had just enough booze that she couldn't hold it back. "Yeah, just like you storming off the other day after the harmonics test," she retorted. "Wanna talk about that?"

Asuka bristled and clenched her fists as she walked to the fridge. "No..." she hissed. "I don't..."

Misato looked away from her, scowling. "Then let me deal with things in my way and you deal with them in yours," she grumbled, fiddling with the tab of the empty beer can. This was not how things were supposed to go. Once again, she was failing as a guardian or a mother figure... "How was your day?"

Asuka took a soda from the fridge and turned around with a scowl. "School sucked as it always does," she returned, looking away from her. "Found out there's a new student transferring in my class... other than that it was the same crap as always."

"New student?" Misato asked, her eyebrows arching in surprise. Those words put her on edge. Every student in Asuka's class was a potential Eva pilot. For a new student to be transferred it then it probably meant whomever this person was they were a high value pilot candidate... "He transferred in today?"

Asuka shook her head. "Tomorrow," she replied. "I ran into him while I was heading home."

Misato nodded. This was certainly interesting. She was going to have to do some research in the coming days it would seem. Well... at least it would take her mind off of how empty the house felt without Shinji around. "Did you get a name?" she asked.

Asuka huffed and glared at her. "Why do you care?" she growled before turning her gaze to the floor. "It's not like you have to go to school with him..."

Misato frowned. Perhaps she was being a bit too blunt with her, Asuka was always rather guarded about anything in her personal life... Besides, Ritsuko was probably just adding to the number of potential candidates, potential victims of the Eva program should they need another pilot. She had always been the kind of woman to plan for everything... "I'm just trying to make conversation," she replied. "It's been a while since we really talked, y'know?"

"We've never really talked..." Asuka huffed.

Misato's frown intensified. Asuka's statement was correct in a lot of ways. They had never really connected in the time that they'd been living together, not the way she'd connected with Shinji at least. Maybe it was because Asuka was constantly snotty toward her and maybe it was because she'd had preference for Shinji but whatever the cause the result was the same. They were distant from one another and drifting further apart by the day... "That doesn't mean we can't now," she returned softly.

Asuka rolled her eyes and stalked out of the room. "You're only saying that because you're feeling lonely..." she huffed. "You're only saying that because that idiot Shinji isn't here..."

Misato couldn't bring herself to counter that statement because there was a grain to truth in those words she couldn't protest. With a heavy sigh she lifted herself up from her seat at the table and lugged herself over to the fridge. She grabbed a beer out of the fridge, cracked it open, and gulped down a big mouthful, wiping the froth on her lips away with a grimace. It was just too painful, connecting with other people sometimes... no matter how old she got that would never change.

It had gotten windy as the evening had faded into night. Kaworu could feel the wind buffeting his shirt and his hair, sending a chill down his spine despite the warmth of the perpetual summer. Presently he was standing outside the apartment building his quarry lived in, many thoughts plaguing his mind.

When he'd first come to Tokyo 3 in his past life he'd come to a city that was desolate and empty with almost no signs that people had lived there. This time he'd found people still trying to live their lives amid the destruction. It was very strange. One would think that they would have all left the minute that things started getting difficult, weak creatures as humans were... but they didn't. Though from the sights of shuttered businesses and lower vehicle traffic signaling that many people had been making preparation to leave or had left already it seemed that many still remained. This was interesting and puzzling in equal measure. The perseverance of the lilin in the face of adversity never ceased to surprise him, but this wasn't the interaction that was most puzzling. That rested on his his interaction with the pilot of Unit 02 while he'd been out biding his time for this moment...

His stumbling upon Soryu whilst about wandering had been pure coincidence but he'd taken advantage of the opportunity it had presented him with. She was the first person he'd known in his previous life that he'd encountered since returning to Tokyo 3 and he'd figured that though the odds were low perhaps she knew something, anything, anything at all about his current situation. The plan had been simple, merely approach her, introduce himself, and gauge her reaction. It had become painfully obvious within moments of meeting her again that she didn't remember anything. It actually... worried him, the prospect that it brought to his attention...

Perhaps Ayanami wouldn't be able to help him. It was entirely possible, indeed likely that she had no idea who he was, let alone knew what to make of the visions of the woman that looked like her. Either way, he was going to execute his plan. He'd waited until this time of night in order to ensure he'd find her. He couldn't conceive of a reason why she wouldn't be at her assigned living quarters at this hour and he didn't really care if showing up unannounced after dark was considered rude. He had to succeed. He had to find the answers to the questions he'd been asking himself ever since he'd reawakened in that tank in Germany. Yes, it was time to step forward.

But for some reason he found himself hesitating...

It was strange... he'd come so far just to get her perspective, perspective from the one other person in the world with who was of similar... composition, and yet, now he was hesitating. Why? Why was he hesitating? Was it because perhaps he was afraid to know the answer to his burning question, afraid that Ayanami didn't know anything about his situation, afraid of... being alone? He shook his head. No. He'd never been afraid of being alone. He'd always been alone. After all, that was what it meant to be a child of Adam.

He stepped forward toward the building. He was doing this one way or another. It wasn't like the consequences of it mattered anyway. The world was existing on borrowed time thanks to hubris of the lilin. Soon it would be all over anyway...

Rei had tucked Adam and the case it was in underneath her bed as soon as she'd gotten back to her domicile and gone about her usual evening routine just as she did any ordinary day despite how extraordinary her afternoon had been. Now she lay in her bed in her pajamas, waiting for sleep to claim her, but sleep was not coming easy...

Part of her still felt euphoric even hours after receiving the commander's gift. No matter how much time she had left in this world she would never forget just how elated and weightless she'd felt as she'd left his office, unable to suppress her smile or her tears of joy. The feeling of freedom was at once so thrilling and so overwhelming. The realization that something, whether she had prompted it or not, something had convinced Commander Ikari to abandon his quest was exhilarating. Knowing that she was no longer bound to the fate that he'd planned for her was a tremendous relief...

But the conversation with Ritsuko had muddied things for her.

The conversation had brought many thought to mind that she'd mulled over constantly in hours since. It was indeed possible that he'd given the key to Human Instrumentality to her as some kind of trick. It was also possible that he'd done it in order to simpy remove it from his possession when SEELE decided to initiate whatever plan they had in store. However, if that plan was the same as what they'd orchestrated in the other world it would do very little to stem the tide. That said... she and the world at large were not out of danger yet.

SEELE would no doubt attempt to initiate the Third Impact once the Angels were all destroyed. No doubt they would attempt to use Unit 01 as they'd attempted to in the past. With that realization, the feelings of powerless she'd been experiencing had returned in force. Sure, Commander Ikari was no longer the primary threat, but what could she do against a faceless enemy that she knew next to nothing about? Nothing... she realized. There was nothing she could do. All she could do was have faith that Commander Ikari would figure out something, anything to stop them before it was too late. Then again, there was the distinct possibility that he had no interest in doing so. That thought worried her more than any other... Perhaps she could enlist Ritsuko's help in order to find out what his next move was. She supposed she could ask him herself whenever he could make time for her. Deep down, she knew he wouldn't protest her questions now that he'd set her free from her purpose but... talking to him was still difficult. A part of her still feared him even now...

She rolled over on her side and pulled her knees up to her chest. It was best not to think about those kinds of things right now. She'd had a happy day, the happiest she'd felt since Shinji had been gone... why should she concern herself with things like that now? She had school the next day anyway and she needed to be rested for that. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply, allowing her body and mind to relax...

And just before sleep claimed her, she heard a knocking at her door.

Instantly she shot up in bed, her heart skipping a beat and her stomach beginning to churn. Who on earth could be coming to see her at this time of night? It was most unusual, perhaps it was someone who had the wrong apartment? No... no one else lived on her floor, whoever it was at her door they had to be looking for her... but why?

Cautiously, she lifted herself out of bed and moved toward the entrance to her apartment, debating on whether she should grab something to defend herself if necessary... no. No, it shouldn't be necessary. She knew that NERV plainclothes security patrolled the area around her building regularly. Anyone or anything deemed a threat would have been dealt with in one way shape or form long before she'd get an unpleasant surprise at her door. There was no need to worry... but what if someone had slipped past those agents?

The knocking came again, three clicking thumps that resounded through the apartment. She had to make a decision. What if it was Ritsuko? What if it was Ritsuko coming to warn her about something? Maybe she'd spoken to Commander Ikari and wanted to inform her of what his new plan was? She had to answer the door. Her curiosity for once outweighed her anxiety. She closed the distance and turned the knob...

As she opened the door and the sight of who stood behind it registered her eyes went wide and her lips parted in shock. No. No! No this shouldn't be possible! It was too early for him to show up! Why was he here!? The only reason she could think of was...

"Well... it appears you recognize who I am. That answers one question," Kaworu Nagisa spoke with a serious expression. "May I come in, Ayanami-san?"

Her mind began to race and she began to feel faint, every muscle in her body starting to tremble. She inwardly cursed herself for showing an involuntary reaction to him. She'd made it too easy... Still, this was unbelievable, something she'd never even conceived of being possible, let alone considered as a possibility. No, it wasn't possible! There had to be something else, some other reason! There was no way that he remembered the other world... "H- how do you know who I am?" she stammered, defensively, taking a step back. "W- why are you here?"

Nagisa took a step inside her apartment. She felt cornered. "You tell me," he replied, his expression calm, vacant. "Why am I here?"

Rei set her jaw glared at him, finding her strength. "I didn't say you could enter..." she snapped.

Nagisa stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I apologize, but I need to talk to you and I do not wish to wait," he replied. "Now I'll ask again... do you know why I'm here?"

He eyes snapped to the side and back to her unwanted visitor. What was he getting at? Did he know about Adam? If he did then it would be the end! She took another step back even though there was no where to go... "Why would I know why you came to my apartment?" she countered, her voice coming out a nervous squeak.

Nagisa frowned. "You're different than I remember you being..." he returned, his voice losing a bit of its vigor. "You've changed..."

Rei's breathing began to slow, the shock began to fade, replaced with a profound realization as she finally began to process all he was saying. It seemed impossible and yet it was the truth. She just needed to be sure... "Do you... remember?" she asked, unsure of what to say or how to word it. "Do you remember... a world that wasn't this one?"

"Another life," Nagisa replied, his eyes boring into hers. "A life that isn't my current one... and I believe you may be able to provide perspective."

Rei swallowed the lump in her throat. So he did remember, that explained why he was here. He was the Kaworu Nagisa she'd known in the other world, somehow, by some incredible means... "Why do you believe I can help?" she replied, her expression hardening once again. "And why should I help you? I know what you are..."

The hostile scowl on her face spoke volumes. Kaworu stared back into Ayanami's deep red eyes, finding it difficult to find the words to proceed. He'd come all this way just to speak with her on a mere hunch that she might be able to provide some kind of perspective on his situation and now after confirming his suspicions he had no idea what to say. What complicated it even more was that she had a point, she didn't have any reason to help him. It caused a tightness in his chest that was deeply unpleasant. It only served to intensify the feelings of intense loneliness and alienation he'd been experiencing in recent days. "I know you have no reason to," he eventually replied, the words just spilling out. "But I don't have an ulterior motive for coming to you. I just need to understand what's happened to me..."

Ayanami continued to glare at him, her demeanor slipping slowly into the cool and analytical one he remembered. "And why do you think I can help you?" she asked. "Why was your first thought in regards to your situation seeking me out?"

He felt that static jolt behind his eyes once again and turned his gaze away from her, once again fumbling with the right words. Such a human problem to have... he hated it. "I... keep having these visions," he confessed. "Visions of a woman I've never met in some void place I don't understand, a woman who looks like you but isn't you. She speaks of about going back to the beginning, or a beginning, as she put it... I thought you might know something, anything about this..."

Ayanami's eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. "That's impossible..." she murmured.

Kaworu pressed on, his chest feeling tight for a reason he couldn't explain. Was this anxiety? Was it hope? "What's impossible?" he asked. "What do you know?"

Ayanami's expression steadied. "Close the door..." she murmured softly.

Kaworu did as he was instructed and closed the door behind him, leaning his back against it afterward. "Please... tell me what you know..." he spoke, his voice coming out as a meager whisper.

Ayanami shifted on her feet and folded her arms across her chest, looking away from him. "In the other world... after you were killed... I... the Third Impact occurred," she stated, her voice sounding frail and full of anguish.

He felt his stomach churn. Had SEELE found a way to initiate their schemes without him? It seemed the only logical explanation. Still, without the spear and without him... how had they done it? "How?" he asked. "How could that have-"

"That's not important," Ayanami hissed, cutting him off. It was so strange seeing her display such... human emotions. She was so very different from the person he remembered her being... "The important part is that Human Instrumentality was achieved and Shinji was given control over the fate of all mankind."

Kaworu's eyebrows knit. This was very surprising, not just the news but how she said it. Didn't she usually refer to him by his surname before? "I see..." he murmured. "So... what happened to you?"

Ayanami fidgeted with her sleeves and tucked her chin, visibly shaken by his inquiry. "I... died... or at least I was dying... again," she replied, her words coming out in shaky breaths. "Shinji rejected Human Instrumentality and because of that... I was dying. Then, before... dying again... I met someone who sent me back..."

Kaworu's pulse began to thunder in his ears. "Someone?" he pressed.

Ayanami looked up and returned his gaze, her eyes speaking more than any words could. "I met the soul of Unit 01, Yui Ikari..." she replied flatly.

His eyes widened and his pulse quickened as it all began to fall into place. Did that mean... somehow he'd gotten some of Ayanami's memories before he awoke in the tank back in Germany? "Is... is she the woman who looks like you?" he asked.

Ayanami nodded, a deep frown forming on her lips, practically a grimace. "Yes..." she murmured.

Any other time he would be curious about why Yui Ikari looked so similar to her or curious about why she seemed to find that distasteful but right now all he could focus on was what it meant for him. The visions that he'd been having... they were Ayanami's memories. What did it mean? How was it possible to have memories from someone else? What would cause such a thing to happen? "Why do I have memory of these things as if I wasn't there, if I wasn't even alive?" he asked, his voice beginning to tremble.

Ayanami's brow knit and her eyes drifted off of him. "I don't know..." she murmured softly.

He was starting to feel a tightness in his chest and his throat. What was this sensation? Was it anger? Desperation? He didn't like it... "You must know something," he accused with a scowl. "Anything at all."

Ayanami shifted on her feet and her gaze hardened. "I don't know," she replied, her voice sounding uncertain despite her firm expression. "I would assume... perhaps because of the forbidden union of Adam and Lilith which caused the Third Impact."

It was a distinct possibility but there was no way to know for sure. The doubt was still there. Kaworu bowed his head and clenched his fists as the feelings of existential dread and powerlessness began to mount. Never before had he ever felt so fundamentally isolated and alone. The questions about why he was alive, living a life that he didn't even want, that he'd grown tired of before were still unanswered even though Ayanami could relate to his situation. "I've come all this way, seeking to understand..." he murmured, closing his eyes, bracing his hands against the door he was resting his back against. "Why am I alive again? I was so tired of it, the rejection, the loneliness, but I didn't wish for mankind's destruction... I just wanted to return to nothing, yet... here I am. I want to understand it but the answers keep eluding me... I don't like it..."

Rei watched him standing there, his hands trembling, and felt a pang of sympathy in spite of herself. Seeing him like this reminded her of how nervous and alone she'd felt in the immediate aftermath of Yui-sama's gift. She thought on what to do as he stood there looking so... pathetic... There was no way that she could tell him the entire truth but she'd told him enough for him to understand that she herself didn't fully understand the reasons behind her... their current situation. Still, seeing him like that made her wonder about many things. Could she trust him? Yes, he was the final Angel and a tool of SEELE but... he seemed so genuine in his display of emotion. "You wish to understand you existence?" she inquired. "And that is why you came to me?"

He nodded. "Yes," he confirmed, regarding her with a somber look. "I want to know why I exist, why I existed then and why I exist now. It seems so meaningless."

Rei's frown deepened. "I cannot provide an answer," she returned softly. "The answers to those questions you must determine on your own. I used to live only for the purpose that I was created for but now... now I'm living for myself. There is much I still don't understand but I do understand that one must find their own meaning for why they are alive."

He's expression darkened. "Why?" he asked, his tone sounding almost bitter. "What does it matter what meaning one assigns themselves? You and I are the same, tools of powers greater than our mortal selves... What meaning can be gained from an existence that is futile?"

Rei's eyes narrowed. Him bringing up such unpleasant memories roused her ire... but even so, that feeling of sympathy remained. "We are not the same," she replied after a moment of pause. "I told you that before... but I'll admit, we are similar in many ways, especially now."

He let out a wry chuckle and folded his arms across his chest. "All that you've said sounds so contradictory..." he huffed.

Rei thought hard on what she would say next before speaking again, her expression relaxing. "Contradiction is a part of being human..." she murmured in response. "That is something I've begun to accept."

He sighed. "I don't like it..." he muttered. "I don't enjoy living with the burden of human emotion. Those contradictions of the human heart are the reason the lilin feel so much despair. That's the reason those old men seek what they do..."

Rei heard his words and it stirred feelings of anger within her. "So you would wish to return to nothing?" she snapped.

Nagisa nodded once more. "Yes," he replied. "Or... at least I did. I don't know anymore. So long as beings exist in separate forms the pain will remain."

It was so very pitiful, seeing him like this. His state reminded her too much of herself in days that felt so distant now, days spent toward the end of the old world, before she'd received Yui-sama's gift of new life in this world. She closed her eyes and thought about how many beautiful things she'd been able to experience because of that gift with all the people she'd grown to care about and had grown to care for her, memories with Misato, Ritsuko, Asuka and Shinji... "That may be true... but that's why people form bonds with one another," she returned opening her eyes as the ghost of a smile graced her lips. "Those bonds may not be enough at times... but they're real, and they mean something... to me at least."

Nagisa's scowl deepened. "I tried to form a bond with Shinji..." he muttered darkly. "He hated me..."

Rei remembered how uncomfortable he'd made Shinji in the other world and frowned once again. "Did you ever try to understand him?" she countered. "Or did you simply imprint your desires onto him?"

Nagisa's eyes widened and his lips parted before he turned away with a somber looking frown. "I... You've given me much to think about," he returned, turning his back to her and placing his hand on the door knob. "I'll see you in school tomorrow..."

Rei's brow furrowed. "School?" she inquired. She didn't remember going to school with him...

He opened the door. "Yes. I'll be in your class. The committee saw to that," he replied, his back still facing her. "I'll... I'll think on all you've said. Goodbye..."

With that he stepped through the threshold and shut the door behind himself, leaving her alone in her apartment. She exhaled shakily and brought her hands to her chest, feeling her pulse which was still coming in heavy thumps. Like Nagisa, she too had many things to think about now...

Did anyone at NERV know that he was in Tokyo 3? Had he been designated the Fifth Child already? The latter she could assume that the answer was negative, Ritsuko would most likely have told her about it. How would his presence effect things? How would it effect Shinji if and when he left Unit 01? It worried her. She didn't want her friends or the boy she... loved, to be hurt because they got close to someone like him. Even though she was glad that Commander Ikari had given her control over her fate she knew without a doubt that there was still much outside of her control and there was nothing she could do to change that. Either way, seeing Nagisa again was a certain sign that the end was encroaching fast.

Her thoughts drifted to Shinji as she got back into bed after calming down enough to do so. If only he was back already... Being able hold his hand and talk to him, to confide in him her worries and her fears and allow his words to soothe her seemed like a beautiful dream... but it felt so far out of reach. There was still a long way to go before that could happen and even when it did there was no way she could tell him everything. He'd think she was crazy and push her away if she told him about the things she'd experienced in the other world. She didn't want that, anything would be better than that... but could she trust Nagisa not to tell him?

She was already dreading the morning. School was the next day was going to be a nightmare. Before allowing herself to succumb to the world of dreams she made a note to speak with Ritsuko when the day was over. Perhaps she would have some advice. Her advice was usually pretty good...

Author's notes

Well... things are getting interesting aren't they?

Not much to say other than a lot of the pieces are falling into place. When Shinji eventually returns he's certainly going to be in for a bit of a shock if things keep on shifting in the time he's gone. Shouldn't be much longer before that day comes. How many of you were able to predict the outcome of the scene with Gendo? Did anyone see the conversation with Kaworu coming? I'd certainly like to know.

If I had to pick a favorite scene in this chapter other than the grand reveal with Gendo and Rei, it would probably be the conversation at the bar between Kaji and Fujita. The two of them and their new dynamic is just too fun to leave alone. Trust and believe I have big plans for the two of them. Then again, I have big plans for everyone. Things are certainly going to continue developing and taking new twists and turns. Hopefully it will continue to satisfy in the most Eva ways possible.

Please read and review as always!

Regards,

A.F.