The Young Ones
Chapter 8: Bonding
Harry woke groggily to the feel of a small, warm body pressed into his side and an arm gently resting over his sore chest. He looked down and smiled sadly when he found Lyra sleeping beside him, her little hand clenching his t-shirt gently. He held her closer as a tear escaped his eye at the memory of future him.
"I'll keep you safe, I promise. All of you," he whispered, gently kissing her soft hair.
He looked around and saw that it was just the two of them in the room, he was almost grateful for the time alone with his daughter. He didn't know what to do. Everything hurt and he didn't know what to do.
He needed a plan.
He needed to protect his children.
All of them.
But he didn't know what to do.
He saw a pain reliever on the bedside cabinet and sat up slowly, moving Lyra with him so he could keep her close… he needed her close. He drank it and sighed in relief as the pain in his chest lifted somewhat, the emotional pain was still there, though. And he doubted it would ever truly go away.
Watching his son die in his own, future selves, arms… there was nothing that would get rid of that image, those feelings, other than an obliviate, and he knew he couldn't do that.
He needed to know so that he could prevent it from happening again.
If only he knew how he could do that.
Things had changed, yes, but had they changed enough to prevent it from happening. Or was there something else that had to happen first? What could he do? What could they do?
Why didn't Dumbledore agree to help him?
Why couldn't Dumbledore stop fighting?
Why?
Why?
Why?
There was a soft knock on the door, "Harry, may I come in?" Luna's wistful voice floated through the door.
"Yes," he called back as quietly as he could. He didn't want to wake Lyra, she needed her rest.
Luna closed the door softly behind her and smiled at him as she sat opposite him on the bed.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, though he could tell by the look on her face that she knew just how he was feeling, perhaps more than he knew himself.
"Terrible," that was an understatement and considering the knowing look in her eyes she knew that also.
He looked down at Lyra, running his fingers gently through her hair, his lips twitching slightly as she snuggled even closer to him even as she remained asleep.
"You know, don't you?" Harry asked.
"Yes. Tom, Severus and Arthur explained everything to us whilst you and the kids were sleeping," she said.
Harry nodded, looking up at her with a sad smile on his face, "But you knew before they told you, didn't you?"
"I knew about two hours before you did," she said softly, "I'm sorry, Harry,"
"You have nothing to apologise for, Luna," She always apologised for seeing things, especially things that were personal, on an emotional level, but Harry knew that she couldn't help it. It was her gift. It was a gift, and yet she had been taught by numerous people that it was anything but a gift, so she felt that it wasn't and that she had to apologise.
"I know," but Harry knew she didn't, not emotionally.
"Have you seen anything else?" Harry asked so quietly that he thought she might not have heard him.
He hoped she hadn't, on some level, because he didn't know if he could bear anything else, unless it was the answer to this terrible, heart wrenching mess.
"No. But I will tell you if I do. However, we are all here to help you all. Always. No matter what. And I have a feeling that a certain bug might come in handy with some things. Along with a certain aunt, and maybe a couple of highly ranked Death Eaters,"
"Also shouldn't forget the Goblins," Harry smirked.
"Oh, no, of course not," she grinned back.
"Mummy," a small, sleepy voice said and Harry looked down with a loving smile as his daughter's beautiful, tired eyes met his.
"Hey baby, are you okay?" he asked as he held her closer.
"Yeah, are you feeling better? Daddy said you were hurt," the concern in her eyes melted Harry's heart and he felt tears sting his eyes again.
"Yeah, I'll be good as new in no time. Where is daddy?"
"Everyone in the living room, they didn't want to wake you. I wanted to stay with you though,"
"Well, I am very glad you stayed with me," Merlin did he want to cry, and scream, and rage at the world.
A tear slipped down his cheek.
"Lyra, sweetie, why don't we give your mummy a bit of space. He still needs to recover after all," Luna said, an understanding smile on her lips as she looked at Harry.
"But…"
"It's okay, baby, I just need to speak to nana for a bit," he didn't know why he said it but he realised it was true.
Lyra pouted but nodded anyway before kissing his cheek and allowing Luna to help her off the bed and out of the room.
He tried getting out of the bed, he felt restless, and yet his legs crumbled and he fell to the ground before he was even able to take a step.
And he let go.
He let go of the hurt, letting it bleed through his sobs, his cries.
He didn't hear the door open, but he vaguely heard someone calling his name.
And then he felt the grounding arms around him and he came to enough to realise that it was his mum there with him. Speaking to him.
"Mum," he said, his voice uncertain.
"I'm here, baby. I'm here," and Harry could hear the awe and love in his deep voice, and it hurt more.
Why?
Why had everything been taken from him?
Why?
Why did his baby die?
Why were his babies hurt?
Why couldn't Dumbledore do the right thing?
Why couldn't Dumbledore help him?
Why did there have to be a stupid war?
Why?
"I want my baby," Harry found himself muttering into his mum's robes.
"I know, baby. And you will have him, and we will protect him, all of them. I promise. They will be safe. They will be okay. I promise,"
Harry just cried for a while, he wasn't sure exactly how long, but based on the pins and needles in his legs he could guess when he finally started to calm down properly he thought it was a while. He smiled slightly when he realised that his mum was still holding him, even though he was clearly uncomfortable on the floor if the very slight fidgeting and the look on his face when Harry finally looked up at him was anything to go by.
However, he smiled slightly when he realised Harry was looking at him and Harry was in awe of the love in his eyes, for him.
His mother loved him.
His mum loved him.
His heart twanged in pain.
A tear slid out of his eye again and his mum rubbed it away gently with the pad of his thumb.
Merlin, he was a mess.
He looked out the window and wished he was soaring through the blue sky on his broom, or on a Hippogriff, he wasn't fussy. When he flew he was able to get rid of his thoughts, his feelings. He was free. It was just him and the air.
He felt himself being moved but didn't really pay attention to anything but the sky until he felt his mum sit on an armchair next to the window, with Harry still in his arms, now on his lap, being held almost like a baby.
He felt safe.
He felt loved.
He felt peaceful.
And yet he felt pain.
"Harry," his mum said, and Harry looked into those dark eyes filled with love and pain, and he wondered what it would have been like growing up with his mum. To see those love filled eyes looking at him every day for his entire life.
How would it feel?
How would it feel to know your mum loves you?
Every day?
What would they have done?
Would they have gone on family days out?
Would they have gone on holidays?
Would they have properly celebrated birthdays and Christmas?
Would he have gone to Primary School, or been home taught?
Would he have had friends growing up?
Where would they have lived?
Would his mum have still taught at Hogwarts?
Would he have learned some magic before starting at Hogwarts?
He thought that he probably would have been a genius in potions by the time he started his first year?
"Harry, baby, can you hear me?" his mum said, and he noticed that there was concern mixed with the love in his eyes now.
"Yeah," he whispered in response, "sorry, I zoned out,"
"There is nothing to apologise for. It's okay. I understand. I…" he trailed off and Harry realised then that he did understand. He remembered that his mum had thought him dead for sixteen years.
"I'm sorry,"
"Harry, you have nothing to apologise for,"
"But you… You actually thought I was… for sixteen years. And I don't know my future son, but knowing he died… But you…"
"Harry, yes, I thought you were… And you might not know your son yet, but you will know him. And you have every right to feel the pain you feel, because he is still your son, even if he isn't born yet,"
"How did… how did you get through it?" he whispered, almost hoping his mum didn't hear him, but at the same time needing to know.
"I didn't. I have spent the last sixteen years loving and mourning you, and your dad. I… I blamed myself, thinking that maybe I had done something wrong when I was pregnant with you, even though I was as careful as I could be. Because even though you were born breathing and crying, you died shortly after and it must have been my fault… Losing your child, even if you don't know them yet, is probably the most painful thing in the world. I would have happily taken hundreds of rounds of the cruciatus curse if it meant I would have you back in my arms," his breath hitched as he spoke and Harry saw tears in his eyes.
"Harry, I know that it is difficult, I really do. And myself and everyone else are all here to support you, and Tom. But you have this chance to make things right, and I promise you that we will do everything in our power to prevent this from happening again,"
"I know. I will do everything I can to protect them. But it still hurts. I don't… I can't lose him, mum. I can't lose any of them,"
"I know, baby. And I promise that we will try our hardest to ensure you don't. We know when he was born, and we know when he died, and we can use that time to figure out what to do,"
"You know when he was born?" Harry asked, blushing slightly.
"Salazar told us. I can tell you if you want me to," his mum said with a smirk on his face.
Harry was torn. Part of him wanted to know so that he had the best chance of getting everything right. But another part of him really would rather not think about him and Tom… doing the tango just for two, at that moment in time, even if he knew it was inevitable.
"No, thank you. Not right now, anyway. I need time to… erm,"
"I understand, Harry," his mum said with a cheeky smile, "Merlin knows that it pains me to think of you and Tom like that, but alas, I want my grandbabies, even if I am way too young to be a nana,"
Harry laughed, "Well, as I said the other day, you could always pop me out some siblings. When they get to having kids you will be a bit older and can feel better about your young age," Harry chuckled as his mum glared jokingly at him, "But also, we are able to have children until we are a hundred, and I really am serious when I say I want a large family,"
"Harry… I will think about it," his mum sighed sadly, despite the smile tugging at his lips, "Your dad and I planned on having a large family, we wanted to have as many kids as we could so that our children wouldn't feel as lonely as we did. And we wanted to prove to ourselves that our upbringings wouldn't make us terrible parents,"
"You're not a terrible parent," Harry said, squeezing his mum's hand that rested on his arm.
"Well, I certainly hope not. But I have spent the last sixteen years thinking that I am, so it will take a while to overcome that, I think,"
"I understand. I am worried that I will be a terrible parent also. But we can help each other," Harry said, smiling slightly when his mum smiled at him and kissed his forehead.
"You could never be a terrible parent, Harry. But yes, we can help each other,"
"Especially when you have my first sibling," Harry laughed as his mum tickled his ribs.
"We will see," his mum said as he finished his attack.
Harry took a minute to get his breathing and laughter under control. It was weird. Having a parent. Especially one that actually loved him.
But it was one of the best feelings in the world.
"Can you paint my nails for me, please?" Harry asked sheepishly, not wanting this bonding time to end and wanting to do something he had always imagined a mother would do for their child.
His mum smiled brightly at him, "Of course. What colour do you want?"
"Dark blue," Harry said, beaming.
His mum wandlessly and wordlessly summoned some nail polish and they sat, cuddled together, talking and laughing, trying not to think of the bad things, as nails were painted and good memories were made.
Hiya my lovelies, I hope you are well!
Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, things have been super hectic in the last month for me, and my health took a little bit of a turn, but things are starting to look up a little bit for me, I hope. I hope you enjoyed the chapter though. It is a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, just like me.
I have a Facebook group called Maraudering_Paige which all of you are welcome to join if you want to. It is where we talk about Harry Potter, fanfictions, life, share memes and more. When I am well again, and more organised, I will also be posting an update schedule of sorts and keeping you posted on what I am working on and such. So if you would like to join, feel free, I will accept any of you.
I hope you are all having an amazing day!
Kind regards,
Paige xx