Chapter 14: Dread
Summary: Liv tries to hold it together while Rafa is being treated.
Notes: Sorry for the cliffhanger in the previous update 😉 Thank you for all of the wonderful comments and kudos!
The medics had to shock Rafael's heart on the ride to the hospital. Olivia froze as she watched them work on her boyfriend, on the man she and her son loved so much it hurt. He literally died in front of her on the 12-minute ride to the hospital and she fell apart before they shocked his heart back to life.
He lost so much blood.
The medics would not tell her anything, only speaking amongst themselves. They gave no reassurances, knowing his condition was critical.
Her hands were shaking uncontrollably, tears poured down her face.
What would she do if he died?
How would she break it to Noah? Her sweet boy's heart would be irreparably broken.
Oh, shit, she had to call his mother!
Her shaking hands dug in her pockets for her phone, but she could barely grasp the slippery electronic device. She needed to get a grip – she was trained to keep her head in horrific situations. Why was she struggling so?
An ounce of relief washed through her as the ambulance pulled up to the emergency entrance and ER staff rushed out to meet them. Rafael's fate rested in the hands of New York City's best medical staff now and there was nothing she could do but wait. She made sure the staff had her name and as much information as she could provide for Rafael.
Flopping into a seat within the waiting room, her phone chimed. Her hands were still shaking, though less so than before. Olivia managed to grasp the phone and read the text message indicating Carisi and Fin were on their way.
Thanking Rafael's foresight to make sure she had his mother's contact information in case of emergency, she dialed Lucia Barba's number while the phone was in her hand and held her breath.
"Lieutenant Benson, what can I do for you?" Lucia's straightforward voice answered on the third ring.
"Mrs. Barba," Olivia croaked and cleared her throat. "Lucia, there's been an accident. Rafa's in the hospital – he was shot."
There was a long pause then the sound of glass shattering. "Oh, dios mio! Which hospital? I'll be there as soon as I can. How is he?"
"He's at Mercy, we just got here, so I don't know much. But it didn't look good on the way here," she explained as clearly as she could. "Please, get here as soon as you can. I can send an escort if you need it."
"No, mija, I'll be fine. I'm in the car now and on my way. See you soon," Lucia said tearfully. "Thank you for being there for my son."
"Be careful." Olivia slid down in her seat and broke down in tears, once again, as the call ended. How could she have let this happen? Why didn't she pay better attention? React quicker?
She was headed down a swirling guilt spiral when Fin arrived at her side. "Liv, how is he?"
Olivia stood and fell into her colleague turned friend's arms. "I don't know, Fin. He crashed on the way here. They got him back, but I haven't heard anything from the doctors yet."
Fin always felt uncomfortable trying to comfort crying women, but Olivia had been his friend for a very long time. He held her in his arms and tried his best. "Barba's a stubborn ass, he won't die." He hummed at the teary chuckle his comment elicited.
"I can't lose him, Fin. We finally found each other, we're just becoming a family, and I love him so much." Olivia continued to weep, soaking his shirt. "It would be cosmically unfair to lose him now."
"He needs us to stay strong, Liv. The power of positivity and all that shit."
Olivia snorted tearfully at Fin's tone – he sounded disgusted with himself for saying such a thing. It did the trick as intended though, Olivia began to calm down and gather her resolve. It happened just in time as Lucia Barba arrived at the waiting room.
"Oh mija!" the older woman swept up to Olivia and grasped her in a tight hug. "Any word yet?"
Olivia shook her head against the other woman's shoulder, sniffling. "Nothing yet."
Lucia sniffed once and pulled back. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but dry. "We'll just wait together then." She settled into the seat next to Olivia's and patted her leg reassuringly.
The Lieutenant was impressed with Lucia's composure, knowing she had to be as upset as, if not more than, Olivia was. The woman was just better at internalizing it, likely a skill she developed during the years of abuse at the hands of Rafael's father.
Olivia slipped her hand into Lucia's and interlaced their fingers. It was the only way to feel close to Rafael at the moment and had the added benefit of comforting his mother at the same time. William Dodds and Jack McCoy arrived shortly thereafter and nodding to the morbid group.
They sat in silence comforting one another for some time with no updates from the hospital staff. Olivia hoped that was a good sign, meaning they were hard at work saving Rafael's life. Carisi popped in to let them know that Anna was fine, just some bruising and a sprained wrist from Rafael falling on top of her. She was transported to a secure safe house pending the start of the trial.
"To avoid delays, I've arranged for Executive ADA Anderson to sit in for Rafael at the trial," Jack stated to Dodds, though his voice carried to the rest of the group. "He will use Rafael's notes to prosecute the case the same way he would have. We will get justice for Anna and fight for justice for Rafael."
"Thank you, Jack," Olivia and Lucia said at the same time. They met each other's gaze for a moment.
Fin disappeared for ten minutes, reappearing with a tray loaded with paper cups full of coffee for everyone. Several more hours passed as the worried group waited for any news. To break up the monotony, Fin pulled Olivia aside to take her statement about the evening's events while the details were still fresh in her mind. Rehashing the events, her face crumbled and tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Mija, have you checked in on Noah?" Lucia asked once Olivia returned to her seat, finally glancing at the time.
"What?" Olivia questioned, coming out of a panic-induced daze. Shaking her head to clear her mind, Olivia turned to Rafael's mother.
The older woman watched her with kind, understanding eyes. Even though this woman drove her son a little crazy, it was clear that Olivia cared very deeply for her only son. They were lucky to have found each other.
"I asked if you checked in on Noah. It's pretty late now, so he's likely asleep."
Olivia's eyes widened as she realized that it had been hours since she checked in with Lucy. "Oh, I should go call Lucy now!" She stepped away from the waiting room and stood just outside the hospital entrance for better cell service.
"Hello?" Lucy answered on the fourth ring, her voice laden with sleep.
"Lucy! I am so sorry to call so late!" Olivia rushed her nerves still shattered; voice shaky.
"Is okay, Liv," Lucy yawned. "Detective Fin called hours ago to let me know what happened. I told him I would stay with Noah for the night. How is Rafa?"
"Oh, thank you, Lucy! I'm glad Fin called you, I'm not quite myself tonight. No news on Rafa yet. They took him back hours ago and there's been no updates. I'm… terrified."
Lucy's heart clenched. She had seen firsthand how much Olivia and Rafael loved each other. The young woman knew her boss must be beside herself with worry for her boyfriend. "It will be okay, Liv. Rafa is an unstoppable force."
"That he is," Olivia almost smiled. She appreciated the support and positive thoughts. "How is my sweet boy?"
"He's sound asleep now. I didn't tell him anything – I didn't want him to worry until we knew how Rafael was doing," Lucy explained. "I can bring him by in the morning if you'd like."
"You are a godsend, Lucy. I'm glad Noah was good for you and thank you again for taking such great care of my baby. I'll text you in the morning if it's okay to bring him by."
"Sounds good. I hope Rafa is ok."
"Me, too. Good night, Lucy."
Olivia rushed back to the waiting room to find a doctor emerging through the emergency room doors to give them an update.
"Rafael Barba's family, I presume?" The entire group nodded – at this point, they were all as good as family. The doctor glanced at each person as he spoke. "Well, we were able to stabilize Rafael and removed the bullet. He lost a lot of blood and needed a transfusion, but all damage was repairable with surgery. Hence the delay. No major organs were impacted beyond repair."
"So, he'll make a full recovery?" Lucia asked, eyes brimming with tears.
"Yes, he will. It will take some time for the surgical wounds to heal and to gain back some strength, but he will be perfectly fine."
"Oh, thank fucking god!" Olivia exclaimed, true relief finally washing over her. She could not care less that she uncharacteristically swore in front of her boss and Rafael's mother. "Can we see him?"
"Given the late hour, visiting time is over. But I can let one or two of you back to sit with him for a bit. He is still sleeping and will likely remain so for the rest of the night as the anesthesia slowly wears off."
"Thank you, Doctor," Dodds said as he held his arm out toward Lucia and Olivia. "Why don't you both go see Rafael. The rest of us will wait out here."
Shooting Dodds an appreciative smile, Olivia slipped her arm through Lucia's and the pair followed the doctor through the doors to Rafael's recovery room.
"Here we are," the doctor led them to room 124. "You can have half an hour, then my team will need to check on him. You're welcome to come back early in the morning before normal visiting hours if you like."
The women nodded their thanks and stepped quietly into the room. The whirring sound of life-saving machines echoed through the room as they took in the surreal sight of Rafael on the bed connected to tubes. He looked rough, his hair mussed and a dark purple bruise marring the left side of his handsome face, likely from hitting the concrete steps when he was shot. His fingers twitched slightly as he slept, and Olivia gently grasped one of his hands in hers.
Lucia whispered to her son in Spanish, encouraging him to heal quickly and assuring him that he was loved. She placed a tender kiss on her son's forehead and turned to Olivia. "I'll give you a few minutes alone with him, mija."
Olivia flashed her a watery smile, unable to speak through her tears. She was overwhelmed with various feelings as she gazed at the love of her life. She nearly lost him that night. She was so grateful to the medical team for saving him.
"Please don't ever leave me, Rafa," Olivia whispered as her free hand stroked his cheek. "I love you more than I can even comprehend. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."
Olivia slumped into a chair at the side of Rafael's bed, leaning her head on his chest. She let the sobs flow freely now that she was alone with him.
She stood once her tear ducts ran dry. Now that she knew he would be alright, she could breathe again. Olivia placed a loving kiss on Rafael's lips. "Sleep well and let your body heal, mi amor. I will be back in the morning."