Author's notes: Sorry, you all! I got a little busy again with life, but here goes the next chapter! Hope you all enjoy it and get emotional as much as I did while writing it! ❤

…

Negan, Alexandria

[Negan's point of view]

After Quinn left, I lie down on the couch, staring at the ceiling, thinking. These past few days were amazing. Better than my dreams. And suddenly she just goes out because she wants to talk to Dixon. He is perfectly fine, why does she have to babysit him all the time? Okay… I was jealous as hell. And I knew I had no reason. Which made me frustrated. Come on, Negan, you're better than this! I'm not jealous. I'm not jealous. I'm not. NOT.

I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Not jealous. I tried to distract my thoughts. I was thinking about these past few days. Holy shit… I'm gonna remember those days for a very long time.

I managed to stay inside till I finished lunch, then I gathered myself to go upstairs and get dressed. I put some clothes on, then I glanced through the window. After being locked in jail for seven years it was pretty hard to stay on my ass all day, alone.

I had no idea what to do, but I just couldn't sit around. I left and walked up to the porch of Carol's house. I hesitated for a second, then I knocked. Carol opened the door and got surprised to find me there.

"Glad to see you in clothes," she said. I chuckled.

"Yeah… Uhmm… Quinn left to talk to Dixon, so… I got bored," I admitted.

"And you thought I can provide some kind of entertainment?" Carol asked.

"No, I was just… you know what? Never mind," I said getting embarrassed. What was I thinking? As I turned around to leave, suddenly Carol called me.

"Negan… come in," she said, rolling her eyes. I entered. It was Rick's old house, where he used to live with Michonne and the kids. Now Carol and Dixon were living here, taking care of Judith and RJ. Henry and Lydia also lived here.

"What?" asked Carol as she caught me looking around.

"Oh, I just… remembered Rick," I said thoughtfully.

"Fascinating," she said a bit grumpily. "Okay, so… I have no idea what to do with you, but I think it's better for you to stay here than go anywhere else. So, you can sit here and continue being bored."

Suddenly Judith hurried down the stairs.

"Negan!" she said.

"Hey, kid!" I smiled at her. My day was instantly better.

"What are you doing here?" Judith asked.

"He was bored," answered Carol. I threw my hands helplessly. Judith started frowning her eyebrows, thinking.

"Maybe you could… join us playing?" she asked. I glanced at Carol for permission.

"Fine…" she said grumpily as she turned her back on us and headed back to the kitchen.

"Come!" said Judith and waved at me to follow her upstairs. As I got to the upper level, one of the doors opened and Lydia stuck her head out.

"Hi!" she said.

"Hey, other kid. What's up?" I asked as I stopped for a moment.

"Everything's good. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Quinn went out hunting with Dixon, so I got bored," I said.

"Oh," she said, thinking.

"What are you up to?" I asked.

"Oh, we're studying. At least, I'm trying… I hate it," she added barely audible. I chuckled.

"You're gonna get the hang of it, kiddo, don't worry," I smiled at her, then after a couple of seconds of awkwardness we heard Judith calling my name. I smiled at Lydia once again: "Judith wants to play," I excused myself. Lydia nodded.

"Well… have fun," she said with a slight smile, then she closed the door. I followed Judith to her room with a smile on my face. But as soon as I stepped into her room, my smile vanished. It was way too familiar. I shouldn't have been here back then. I shouldn't have scared Carl like that.

"What are you doing?" asked Judith.

"Oh, I was just… Just looking around. Your room's pretty," I didn't want to tell her that story. She most likely doesn't remember.

"Come here. We're playing this board game, but we just finished. Do you want to join?" she asked.

"Yeah, I can play one game," I said as I sat down on the floor.

"Which figure do you want to be with?" Judith asked.

"Let's see… I'll go with the car, of course," I smiled at her. RJ was examining me with his eyes curiously. Judith arranged everything and told me the rules. I was listening to her, smiling to myself. She was such a sweet little girl.

Wish I had a child like her.

…

After we finished the game, I stood up and excused myself once again. It was fun, but just enough. I said goodbye and went downstairs.

"Where are you going?" asked Carol suspiciously.

"I dunno... Just going for a walk," I said, shrugging my shoulder, but in fact, I had an idea.

"You should avoid Maggie," she stated like she read my mind.

"Yeah, I know. I will," I lied and stepped through the door. I could see in Carol's eyes she wasn't happy about it, but I just couldn't sit on my ass all day. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping. I saw Jesus walk by, he glanced at me disapprovingly but didn't say anything. I kept walking.

Okay… the reason I came outside was not only boredom. I felt guilty.

I felt like I should end this once and for all.

I felt like I should talk to Maggie.

Quinn wouldn't understand. Or maybe she would, but still, she would stop me because she is worried. And she's right… but… I just had to tell Maggie. To make my heart a little bit lighter from all the weight I was carrying. Maybe if we leave, I can leave it behind, knowing that I said what I had to say. At least, if Maggie lets me live…

I was sure it won't change a thing, but… I just had to say it. As I was getting closer to the wall where Maggie and her friends were working I felt my stomach shrink a little bit. Her friends became tense as they saw me and they patted Maggie's back to alert her about me. I walked straight up to Maggie while she was killing me with her eyes already. Maybe this was really my last day. What a beautiful day to die.

"Hey, uhm… Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, stopping from a couple of meters afar from her, keeping my distance, as her friends stepped forward to get between me and Maggie if it was necessary.

"I don't want to talk to you," she stated simply.

"Just hear me out, please," I asked her. She was staring at me for a couple of seconds, then she nodded to her friends that it was okay. The friends backed away a couple of steps and Maggie took a step closer to me, then stopped, still several meters between us.

"Talk then," she ordered, while still being tense.

"I know you don't want to see me, and soon we'll leave, so you won't have to see me ever again… but I just want to say some things before I leave," I said in a gentle manner, so she knows I wasn't hostile. She crossed her arms in front of her, keeping her distance, looking very serious.

"What?" she asked strictly.

"I just…" I took a deep breath. "I want to apologize. For everything. I told you at the forest that I should have killed all of you to end this and I meant it. But that doesn't mean I want to kill any of you right now. If I wanted to keep what I built, I should have done that… but that doesn't mean that I wanted to do that at any point. And doesn't mean what I really did was right… In fact… during those years in jail, I realized… that you were right. Rick was right. I shouldn't have done what I have done. I shouldn't have…" I said, my voice almost cracking at the end, I just couldn't control my emotions. I thought I'll be fine, without crying, but I guess I'm a sentimental old fart now… As I broke eye contact for a second, I spotted Rosita among the bystanders. She looked me in the eye. "I'm sorry, Rosita," I said to her.

She was just staring disbelievingly like she couldn't believe her ears. I turned my eyes back to Maggie. She started walking towards me, with long, fast, confident steps and I knew immediately she was going to hit me. She didn't have any weapons out, so I stood my ground and let her. I felt her punch land on my face and my lip split again where Dixon hit me three days ago. She took a step back.

"Do not say these things to me," she said through gritted teeth. "You are not sorry! Not a little bit! You were smiling while murdering Him! You were smiling!" she shouted it all into my face. I threw my hands helplessly.

"I cannot explain that. I am so sorry," I said as I wiped the blood off of my lip.

"You are not sorry! You will never be!" she said on the verge of crying.

"I am sorry. I mean it. I am so sorry, Maggie," I said again as tears started to sting my eyes once again.

"You are not!" she yelled and pushed my chest forcefully. I took a step back. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore.

"I'm sorry, Maggie," I said again my voice cracking. As the tears rolled down my cheeks I quickly wiped them away. Maggie was breathing heavily, her tears falling too.

"I hate you… I hate you with all my guts," she said slowly, meaningfully. "There are no words to describe how much I hate you and despise you… I cannot even stand seeing you," she said as she turned away a bit and wiped her tears away.

"I know… It shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have done it… I should have done it differently. But now I'm different. I'm not like that anymore," I said.

"What do you want, Negan?" she snapped, turning back to face me again. "What the hell you want with this now?!" she shouted again.

"I don't want anything. Maybe… some redemption… but…" I couldn't even finish she interrupted me.

"Redemption?! For killing my husband? For taking away my son's father?! How could you get redemption for that?!" she asked yelling at me. I glanced around, I saw we got some more audience. Some familiar faces gathered around, listening to us, watching.

"Maggie, it haunts me every night what I did. I can't live like this. I…" I said slowly. "I am so sorry for doing that... You don't have to forgive me, I know exactly that's impossible. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I am so sorry for… taking away your husband, Glenn… and I'm so sorry for Abraham… I truly am," I stated as I glanced at Rosita, her tears were falling silently too. I was still crying. I couldn't hold it back anymore. Maggie was crying too.

"I hope you never sleep again," said Maggie through gritted teeth. "I hope it will keep you up at night and haunt you till you die."

"Come on, Maggie," said Jesus gently, trying to comfort her as he stepped next to Maggie, trying to get her away from the scene. She took a step with him, but then she stopped, turned around, and walked up to me confidently, with all the hatred in her eyes. I knew what was coming. She started punching me everywhere she could. I let her. I deserved it. I let her beat me. I didn't hit back, I didn't defend myself. Everyone was watching. Until Carol arrived.

"Maggie, stop!" she asked her, but Maggie didn't stop. I fell to my knees. Maggie kicked me.

"I hate you!" she yelled crying, still kicking me. Carol ran to Maggie, grabbed her, and pulled her away from me.

"Maggie, stop, please! That's enough! It's okay," she said gently but strictly, trying to calm her down.

"Let me go!" snapped Maggie at Carol and pushed her away.

"Negan!" I heard Quinn's voice as she called my name. I hope she didn't see this. I stayed on all fours till Maggie walked away, then I fell to the ground and turned on my back. It didn't hurt as much as I thought. At least, she didn't kill me. I was staring at the sky while Quinn, Dixon, and Carol hurried toward me.

…

Author's notes:

Listen to "Take it out on me" by Thousand Foot Krutch.

Thank You for reading! ❤