Psyche Evaluation Chapter 57: Unpredictable, a hazbin hotel fanfic

Chapter 57

Unpredictable

Alastor could not for the afterlife of him explain why he was spying around the corner again the next morning. Eliza was alone this time around; apparently their resident dope fiend was only there to instruct her, and now she was on her own to continue the project in solitude. The wendigo didn't mind in the slightest; if anything, his absence was quite the relief. The thought that some lowly addict could offer useful instruction felt laughable at best, but apparently Eliza saw his counsel useful enough.

That thought… irked him.

Still, what could he do? Why, the last plant he cared for was some simple bush in his father's front yard; a chore given him by his mother to teach him responsibility as a child. It was swiftly taken from him when the bush in question started dying under his care, though he had no idea what he was doing wrong. Sure he kept putting it off until later in the day because he liked doing other things in the morning, but it got watered and otherwise cared for the same as the rest. He never did figure out why the leaves kept getting brown spots. In the end, his presence in the yard was treated as an ill omen, and his mother forbade him from helping in any way with the garden when he accidentally killed a rose bush by breaking the main stem while trying to plant it. Yes, gardens for him are meant to be walked through and enjoyed. As such, he's never really seen the beginnings of such a feature before.

He laughed to himself; the plot of land the hotel sat on was rather unruly, and felt more like a vacant wasteland than anything that could become promising. No, this plan simply couldn't succeed without a great deal of work and care, not to mention money for things like fertilizer and such. Even so, he'd keep an eye on it; at least to see if anyone else bothered to try.

Although the sight of Eliza watering the four meager mounds all alone put him in somewhat of a downer mood. While he was sure that he couldn't help with the garden even if he wanted to, it looked rather lonely.

That, at least, he could help with.

"The project not branching out just yet?" he teased.

The therapist didn't miss a beat. "It's still a little green, Alastor. Give it time."

The wendigo paused before putting a hand over his heart. "Well, bless this damned soul; she can be taught!"

"You're just predictable," she informed him with a small nod.

"Is that so?"

When she reached for the nozzle to shut off the hose, the water cut off without warning. Shaking it, she looked down at it in confusion before giving Alastor an annoyed stare. "Were you hoping I'd look in the hose?" The deer-demon pointed upwards, and at the risk of looking like an idiot, she glanced upwards.

Spash!

As soon as she saw the water overhead, it came crashing down on her head. At first, Alastor started laughing, but in his mirth he forgot about the fact that she never actually shut the water off, nor the fact that the hose was currently pointed directly at him. As soon as his magic stopped holding back the hose and teleporting the water into the air, liquid exploded out as the pressure abruptly released, completely soaking his suit in an instant.

The anger that spiked through Alastor nearly broke him, but despite the sudden burst of rage, his smile nearly vanished when he realized another miscalculation to his spontaneous prank.

Eliza's loose-fitting top.

Now utterly soaked by the downpour, the top was falling down her shoulders, and her breasts were just barely covered. And what the cloth held onto wasn't hidden from him in the slightest as it clung to her scales, nearly transparent. Unlike the first time he saw her body, where he was able to turn away before processing the image, his body was frozen in place by the sudden death of his bloodlust, which was quickly being replaced by something far worse.

"A point for unpredictability," she stated, her tone barely hiding a fair bit of anger on her end. "Though I would ask that this not be a- Alastor?" When she finally looked up at him, luckily not needing to move her hair as it was held back in a ponytail, she noticed that he was not only staring, but shaking. That, and she turned off the water the instant she saw that his suit was almost as soaked as her outfit. "I can't say I'm sorry you got wet, given what you did to me, but… Are you OK?"

When she turned back to him, he was gone. Recoiling in surprise, she looked all around but saw no trace of him. Honestly, if she hadn't been soaked, not to mention the wet dirt around where he had been standing only a second ago, she might have believed she imagined him there.

What… Just happened?

Hey, look at this!

Alastor stood shakily in his tower, his right hand embedded in the wall where he punched it while his left hid half of his face. The voices… make them stop…

Does that mean it washes off?

Shut up… Just shut up…

Hey, let's give him a bath! Bring him over here!

The wendigo tried to think clearly. It had been a simple accident; nothing to be angry about. Nothing to be-

Hold him down; let's see if the rest washes off.

It had been so long since this haunted him. Damn it, why did it have to surface now? Everything had been fine! If anything, he would have deserved being soaked for his prank, had she meant to do it. It might have even been the beginning of a rather fun day, and yet-

This isn't working! Hey, hand me those rocks!

Knock, knock, knock.

Shocked back to reality, Alastor's inner radio clicked the wretched memory off as one of his ears turned to the side, facing the hotel's direction. He usually left his radio on in his office; who would be..?

"Alastor? Are you OK?"

His head jerked upward when he heard Eliza's voice. Had she come to check on him?

"You just disappeared, and I…"

The moment of silence made him strain for the signal. His tower wasn't far enough away to cut out, but he didn't want to miss what she wanted to say, even if he couldn't bring himself to be physically present just yet. Unfortunately, he heard a very unsightly metal degenerate join her.

"Hubba-bubba! Boss, if this is a wet T-shirt contest, twenty outta ten even without the tits, 'cause DAMN!"

"Fizz, I'm trying to talk to Alastor. Please wait-"

"Wait, RED got you wet? I didn't think he had it in him!" There was a loud knock on his door. "Good on ya, big guy! Major points."

After hearing an exasperated sigh, the overlord's ears drooped a little when Eliza stated, "That's enough, Fizz. I… think he's gone, anyway."

"Wait, he soaked you and then just left?! I rescind those points!"

"Please stop, Fizz."

As the voices grew distant, the wendigo enjoyed the silence as he was also no longer plagued by the horrendous memories that were forcefully drawn out. Standing up straight, he stared at the hand that nearly punched through the wall with a wince. Even with gloves, that was rather painful. At least that was an easy fix; a flick of the wrist, and the evidence of his panic was swiftly erased. Still, there was the sad fact that, under the current circumstances, he actually could not instantly dry himself. Those damnable voices would start playing again with a vengeance if he attempted it.

Oh well, nothing to be done for it except to dry himself off the old-fashioned way. With that in mind, he quickly made his way to the bathroom to take off and hang up his suit. While inside, he was putting up his suit coat when his inner radio clicked to life, the faintest hint of voices playing after a trickle of water ran down his spine and made him shiver.

Unwilling to let them build again, he took off his glove, dug his claws into his stomach just under his ribs, reached inside and manually shut the cursed thing off. He'd have to do it again to turn it back on; blasted thing. But he would take the pain over that memory any day.

No one truly escapes the tormentous nature of Hell.

Eliza sighed as she straightened out her lavender blouse. Now it's Saturday night; that means it's time to go down for their weekly karaoke night. With no new guests lately, everything was starting to feel a bit routine around here. Paressu sneaking in drugs, Angel finding ways around his house arrest, Lakavi and Matiu finding the most awkward places to have sex only to be found by one of the managers… That's not even mentioning the fact that the performances were starting to get a bit stale. Granted Matiu's discovery of being decent at comedy (especially surprising given his failure to tell normal jokes the first day) was something new, no one else seemed to want to perform. Erpa had mentioned once in therapy that she wasn't going to join them on Saturday nights anymore, and Eliza figured that this would be the week she would deliver on that threat. This is going to get her into trouble with Vaggie, which should be interesting. But then there's Harve and Curio, who don't get up on stage anymore. This came as no surprise to her, of course; Curio's too nervous to draw attention to himself, especially with Alastor in the room, and Harve won't perform without him. Still, it limits the evening greatly, as the only other people that get up on stage are Charlie and Fizz. Angel hasn't dared because he wanted his house arrest to end sooner rather than later, and everyone else just doesn't want to get up and do anything.

And as for Alastor, she hasn't seen any sign of him since yesterday morning, when they both got soaked because of his water prank. At first, Eliza was worried that something else happened, but now she just felt irritable. If he was angry, she might actually give him a piece of her mind for starting it in the first place. Granted it wasn't uncharacteristic for him to be rather hypocritical, but it's not like she touched him, she just got him wet, and not even on purpose!

Shaking her head, she willed away that swirling trainwreck of thinking. Really, there was no point dwelling on it; she wasn't even in the mood to discuss it with him if he-

Knock, knock knock knock, knock…

'Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!' Id snapped.

"Are you presentable?" Alastor called from beyond the door.

"Yes," she answered.

"Excellent!" After that exclamation, part of her expected him to just invite himself inside, perhaps under the assumption that her answer was an invitation. To her surprise, he continued, "Then perhaps you could step out for a moment? I would like to apologize for yesterday."

"In the hallway?" she asked.

"The therapy room would be… preferable."

Eliza's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Go ahead, I'll be there in a moment."

As she heard the clacking of his footsteps followed by the sounds of a door opening and closing, she took a deep breath. Well, in the mood or not, looks like she was going to talk about it regardless. Last second, she walked into the bathroom, turned on the sink, and splashed cold water into her face before scrubbing it off with a towel. There, that left her feeling more mentally presentable.

When she entered her work-room, Alastor stood up to greet her with a slight head-tilt. Moving to her couch, she took a seat and crossed her legs, resting her hands on her knee. He followed suit. "I'm rather curious about what happened yesterday."

"Ah, yes, I would imagine so." Alastor's hands seemed a little lost without his microphone, flexing and extending the fingers as if searching for it. "I apologize for disappearing so abruptly, but I'm afraid the water triggered something of a 'flash in the pan' reaction, if you will."

"If you don't like getting wet, why use water to prank me in the first place?" she asked, flatly. "I've made it rather clear I have a 'turnabout is fair play' view of things."

"Well, I simply can not allow myself to be too predictable, now can I?" he teased. It surprised Eliza that he actually seemed to be relaxing rather quickly, his shoulders dropping slightly as his claws stopped clicking against each other. She wondered if he actually went over this a few times before approaching her about it. "But truthfully my dear, I did not expect to get wet, nor did I expect to… react the way that I did. It has been a long time since-" his eyes darted as he searched for the words, "-since…"

"You can't tell me you don't shower," Eliza stated, bluntly. "Otherwise you would reek to high heaven."

"Yes, but in such instances I am mentally prepared to be wet," he clarified. "I haven't been surprised by it in decades, and I may have overestimated myself a touch."

The therapist straightened up slightly. "Oh! Is water related to a form of trauma?"

"...Yes." There was a long span of silence during which Eliza processed that realization. Alastor fidgeted slightly before he couldn't stand it any longer. "And I also heard you come up to my office to speak with me shortly after. I apologize for not answering, but I was not prepared for any sort of civil conversation at the time."

"No, I'd imagine not," the demoness conceded. "I understand the concept of dealing with trauma, though my methods of doing so are more direct."

"Oh?" he asked. "How so?"

For a moment, Eliza looked off to the side, her brows furrowed in thought. Finally, she told him, "I had a fear of drowning, and would submerge myself in water for a set amount of time every day until the feeling passed." When Alastor made a very uncomfortable sound, she added quickly, "I'm also very aware that such methods don't work for most people, so don't think I'm suggesting it."

"It just sounds extremely unpleasant," he admitted. "I can not imagine willingly just… no, that simply will not do. Was that the only fear you forced yourself to overcome?"

"No, it wasn't."

"And… does it work every time?" he asked in disbelief.

"Most of the time," she told him. "Though there is one I am attempting to work through currently that has been, at least so far, not very successful."

His mind jumped to the day he returned from the North Point, when he shut off the light only for the barely conscious dragoness to flip it back on, breathing as though she nearly had a panic attack before calming back into a state of slumber. Perhaps he was mistaken, but he couldn't help but feel that moment had something to do with it. For now, however, it didn't seem prudent to mention it. "Well, time cures all, does it not? And now you have nothing but! I'm sure it will be gone in no time at all."

Eliza glanced at the clock on the wall and unfolded her legs to stand. "Well, it's time for karaoke night," she sighed.

"Ah, yes, and that brings me to my other request," Alastor announced, joyfully. "Perhaps we could sit together again? I have very much missed your company." Caught a bit off guard, the therapist looked rather uncertain for a moment, making him chuckle. "Oh come now, don't look so nervous! We walked through my colony together, surely we can sit together in your workplace?"

'Oh, he's good,' Id praised. 'Saying this is my workplace; good choice!'

'Considering he always seems to think the hotel is his, it's quite surprising,' Superego agreed. 'And he does have a point.'

After another moment of mulling it over, Eliza gave Alastor a small nod. "I think I can manage that."

"Wonderful! Then shall we get going?" After Eliza stepped out of the room, he shut the door behind them and turned towards the stairs. Offering her a hand, he was surprised when she recoiled. "Is something the matter?"

Flexing her own hand for a moment, she looked about to take his when suddenly she put it down. "I would rather walk down, thank you."

Surprised, he withdrew his arm, blinking down at her with narrowed eyes for a moment before straightening up once more. "As you wish." Since shadow-stepping down was out, he instead walked over to the stairs and held the door for her. Then, just to mess with her a bit, he shadow-stepped down anyway and opened the door at the base of the stairs when she arrived. Her surprised pause at the bottom was most gratifying. "After you."

With a half smile, she recovered from the mild shock and gave a small head-tilt. "Thank you."

When they walked up to the stage-room door, Eliza stopped to read the sign-up sheet while Alastor continued past, walking up to Husk who was winning a game of poker against Matiu, who was scratching his arm nervously. As the wendigo watched Husk sneak an ace into his hand, his smile widened as he waved his hand.

The mongoose's shriek drew everyone's attention to the front desk, where the two card players freaked as they suddenly found themselves on the opposite sides of the counter with their opponent's hands. Matiu dropped his cards and backed into the wall, knocking over some of the cheap booze, while Husk grabbed the bar to keep himself from falling backwards.

"You sonuva bitch!" he snarled, turning to Alastor with narrowed eyes. "The fuck was that for?"

"Oh, as if you don't know," Alastor purred, palming the top of the veteran's head and fluffing him up. Leaning in to press his cheek against Husk's, he muttered, "Now your opponent can benefit from that card you switched."

Shoving the overlord off, Husk brushed his hands down the sides of his fur to straighten it out a bit before growling, "Don't underestimate me."

Turning back to Eliza with a smug grin, he was a bit put off to see a rather flat expression in the direction of the sign-up sheet. "Is everything alright? Don't tell me Erpa has decided to butcher the fine arts after all, ha!"

"No, thankfully," she huffed. "It's just a little disappointing to only see three names." Alastor stood beside her, reading the 'disappointing' list with narrowed eyes. "I'm guessing Erpa is going to boycott the event entirely, believing that by doing so she'll somehow get us all to beg her to return."

"Well, I'm sure Charlie will oblige," Alastor stated, cheekily. "Though perhaps not for her singing so much as to keep her on the 'righteous path.'"

"Vaggie will be worried about everyone following her lead and rebelling in a similar fashion," the therapist mused. "Luckily it's Erpa doing it; she's not really one that others try to follow so much as avoid."

"Don't crush my hopes," he pouted. "A rebellion would be absolutely delightful!"

"You would think so." Turning around, they both saw Vaggie standing there with her hands on her hips. "The only thing surprising me so far is that you're not starting it yourself!"

"Too easy," he scoffed.

"We'll let you believe that," Fizz chimed in, wrapping his arms around Eliza from behind and earning a flat stare. "But if you wanna change it up, boss, we could always perform together." Leaning in, he whispered in her ear, "Wanna scare your bosses with the special section?"

'Yes!' Id cheered, excitedly.

'No!' Superego screamed in horror.

Caught off guard by the unexpected proposition, Eliza actually stared blankly ahead for a moment as all her thoughts scattered to the wind. "...What?"

"You," Vaggie snarled, prying Fizz off of the demoness, "are going to be muzzled if you keep this up!"

"Me?" Leaning back, Fizz batted his eyes innocently with his hand on his chest. "Oh, Vaggie, I'll try anything at least twice!"

"Try being silent," Alastor droned.

"I'm not sure he's capable," the therapist speculated, honestly.

Putting a finger under Eliza's chin, Fizz's eyes went half-lidded as he said, "I'll be your little church mouse if you want, boss."

Furrowing her brow, she asked, "You'll squeak and make chittering sounds?"

"Only if you hit all the good spots," he promised.

"Christ, just fuck 'im already," Angel sassed, leaning over the mezzanine with a grin. "Either you're dense as fuck or get your rocks off blue-ballin' people."

"Can we just go in now?" Vaggie grumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Good God this is nauseating."

Oddly enough, Alastor felt less uncomfortable and more amused by this encounter, so ending it felt rather irritating. Maybe he was ornery or just plain bored, but watching Eliza repeatedly shoot down the jester always felt strangely satisfying. As they all filed into the room, Angel a bit of a ways behind because he had to walk down the stairs first (the elevator being broken and the repairs conveniently dismissed regularly from the budget), Alastor took another look at the pitiful itinerary for the evening. Charlie would start them all off with a song, Matiu would make another ham-fisted attempt at comedy, and Fizz would roast the audience until dragged off the stage. Yes, he could see why Eliza would feel a bit forlorn about this apparent trend.

His smile widened as he got a wonderful idea. Raising a hand, a red bolt zapped the page before he vanished into the shadows. Now was another good time to exercise his 'unpredictability.'

Husk, who was the last one in as usual, glanced at the sheet before doing a double take.

"Shit…"

Eliza was a bit surprised when she sat down at Alastor's table, but the overlord didn't appear to enter the room. She couldn't imagine she did something to give him second thoughts about sitting with her, and standing her up didn't fit him at all. Did something happen when she left the lobby?

When everyone was seated, Charlie jumped onto the stage with her usual excited smile. "Hello, everyone! Let's have another fun night." Raising her hand, her finger was poised to press a button when the pad disappeared entirely. When the lights clicked off, everyone was plunged into a plane of inverted colors. Most of the guests started freaking out, but Angel and Husk just shared a look, Vaggie growled, Niffty cheered and Charlie started to bounce on the balls of her feet with a huge smile.

"Well, my dear princess," Alastor greeted, appearing at her side in an instant as he snaked his arm around her waist to pull her to him, "why don't we have a go of reminding these silly sinners what we're all about?"

"Really?!" she exclaimed, the only thing holding her back from an energetic hug being the quickly fading memory of his no-touch rule.

"Certainly! After all-" he flashed a wicked smile at the audience, "we can't have them forgetting who we are, now can we?"

Heaven 2 Hell (Some mild edits to opening and adding Olly)
Black Gryph0n & Baasik feat. Elsie Lovelock

Finally releasing the princess, he switched his microphone over to his main hand to put it between them, his left arm flung upward in a flourish.

Alastor (A): Attention all sinners! Alastor here.
Charlie (C): And Charlie!
(A): And we're pleased as punch to tell you about our grand Hazbin Hotel!
(C): It was the Happy-
(A): Wonderful! Now listen up.

Pulling his microphone to himself, Alastor started slowly walking away from Charlie, his every step keeping in time.

(A): What would you do if I said there's a place for you,
A place completely free of shame and doubt.
Olly (O): Well, just about…
(A): What would you do if you could start it all anew?
Well, come to our hotel and you'll find out!

Charlie zoomed around to his other side, getting quickly into the swing of things. In fact, when did her outfit change? Now she had a small staff of her own that nearly matched Alastor's, and Eliza wasn't sure when she put on that top hat, but it was really cute! The therapist couldn't help herself, and her rose unraveled as she listened closely to their spontaneous duet.

Also, the therapist noticed that Razzle and Dazzle were playing instruments alongside Alastor's shadow band. How good are these two at improv?!

(A): You will not want for anything, we'll take it all away!
(C): No, actually we'll give you things, 'cause stealing's not OK.
(A): Like beds on nails and swarms of bugs,
(C): Or cupcakes and a bunch of hugs!
(A): We'll make them pay…
(C): They'll want to stay…
Both (B): Don't scare them all away!

Many of the guests were sweating at the different takes on what the hotel is supposed to be, as Alastor's apparent interest is to torment them while Charlie wants to bury them all in love and fluff. At the end, the two seemed to glare at each other, though the playful energy was never lost, and they thoroughly enjoyed attempting to upstage one-another.

Eliza, however, was enjoying a rather different take, listening to cynicism taking on hopefulness as the two seemed to be arguing in song-form. It was hard to focus on just one, but honestly, it was very entertaining regardless.

(B): We may not agree on everything as far as we can tell,
But we both want this new venture to do well,
(A): So with her passion-
(C): And his power-
(B): And this rinky-dink hotel,
We might just bring some Heaven to Hell!

Alastor booped Charlie on the nose when mentioning her passion, and deflected her attempt at retaliation immediately after by catching her hand with Olly before twirling behind her back, stopping on her other side before the two of them threw out their arms while back to back. It all had a very old-fashioned flair to it.

Angel was enjoying himself, and Husk was purposefully trying not to look interested whenever Angel tried to get his attention. Niffty was standing on her chair, bouncing excitedly to the lively music, and Vaggie looked to be caught between happy and wanting to sulk.

Eliza had to tune out, unable to handle the intensely different viewpoints on such a personal level. Her body felt like it was recovering from shock as its colors changed back to normal, unable to settle due to them rapidly switching from one singer to the other. Now she knew another limitation of her weird powers; more than one is simply too much. She made it for a little while, but now she would just enjoy the song as it is. Still, she was disappointed she couldn't hold onto it just a little longer; there was so much she wanted to hear in this song. Oh well.

(C): It's clear to me that you're just looking for control,
It's definitely getting out of hand.
(O): I agree!

When Olly piped up, Alastor pouted with narrowed eyes, smacking the top of the microphone spitefully and earning a few laughs in the process.

(C): So before we go and tell another tired, tortured soul,
I think we need to come up with a plan.
(A): Good idea!

Now back to casually upstaging each other, Alastor took a step in front and threw his arms wide.

(A): We'll ship them in and dress them up, and make them look the part!
(C): Well actually, we probably should help them change their heart.
(A): By teasing them and baiting them-
(C): Or rehabilitating them-
(B): Boil them, baste them, slice them up and serve them à la carte!

There was a collective gulp from most of the guests, a snarl from Vaggie and a hoot-n-holler from Fizz, who nearly had a spear shoved in his chest when the moth whipped around. Niffty and Eliza seemed to giggle in unison, and the little maid looked back at the therapist with a giant grin.

Meanwhile, Charlie stomped her foot and turned to Alastor with a stern glare while the wendigo simply gave her a side-long, smug grin.

(C): That's horrible!
(A): Don't be such a princess.
(C): Go to Hell.
(A): Already there, darling!

When Alastor called her out for being a princess, he waved her off with a scoff before twirling his hat on his finger only to put it back on when finishing his last statement. Lakavi, the first to recover from the implications of being eaten, gave a cheer for that, followed by a few nervous hollers from the rest.

Meanwhile, a large number of sparklers seemed to appear out of thin air at either end of the stage, though it wasn't normal light coming off of them. Every color of the rainbow shot out in every direction. Fizz held out a napkin and watched as it caught multi-colored fire before Vaggie ruined the fun by dumping water on it.

When the music started to slow, the Alastor took the princess' free hand in his and twirled her around before they stood together, Charlie once again pressed to his side. This earned a fuming growl from Vaggie, and Eliza didn't need to tune in to know that Alastor was basking in the moth's ire.

(B): With our passion, and our power,
And this rinky-dink hotel.

Charlie pushed off to twirl away on her own, though she never let go of his hand. Now the rainbow sparks were coming off her staff as well, and her eyes flashed red as her horns rose up with her excitement.

(B): We might just bring some Heaven-

Now it was Alastor's turn to move, and he moved behind Charlie before breaking their hold, and the two threw their arms out once more. As they did, the inverted color-scheme was banished in a blast of technicolor glory before settling into its typical look, though perhaps a bit brighter than before.

(B): To Hell!

As they held the last note, the sparklers floating along the sides exploded into rainbow fireworks, luckily not catching the entire stage on fire. Before the music could end, Alastor summoned a small, covered plate in his hand before holding it out for Charlie.

(A): Want some hors d'oeuvres?
(C): I'll pass.

When the final notes sounded, the two took a bow and just about everyone started clapping and cheering. Fizz gave a loud whistle, Niffty was releasing hellishly gleeful squeals, and Vaggie shouted, "Way to go, hon!" from her table.

As the applause died down, Charlie practically jumped off the stage, still high off the adrenaline of the performance, to go hug Vaggie and spin her around happily.

When Matiu got up from his table, he expected Alastor to pass him while he walked up the couple of stairs onto the stage, assuming he didn't just teleport to his table. When the wendigo didn't leave the stage, he felt a little nervous. It didn't help that the overlord squinted gleefully at him with that creepy, shit-stirring grin.

Apparently, the Radio Demon wasn't done yet.

Author's Notes:

Between my baby walking everywhere and starting a fan project on Discord, free time has officially become a myth. Still writing, fear not, just... Whew!