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10/14/2022
Chapter 22
BPOV
"Baby!" I heard Edward call as he walked through the door, but I couldn't find the words to let him know where I was. I was sitting on the couch in the living room, finishing a letter from David that I received, for the third time. "There you are. What're you doing?" He asked, sitting down next to me. "What's that?" He glanced over my shoulder to see what I was reading. "Another letter from David?"
I nodded and continued reading from the beginning, for the fourth time.
Dear Isabella,
I know I've tried to reach out to you in various ways, but I feel that I need to extend that hand a little further. I will continue to try and make an effort. I really want to be a part of your life and the life of my great-grandchildren.
I've wronged you in so many ways and I will continue to apologize until the day I die. I understand that you can't forgive me, that much is true, but you can't blame a grandfather for trying to be a part of the only family he has left. You and your brother are my only remaining living blood.
Five days ago, your grandmother was involved in a car accident and was pronounced dead on the scene. She was hit by a drunk driver, and I now have the duties of preparing for her funeral. I'm sure no one will attend her viewing, so I'm pretty sure I'll be having her cremated. I've had to do this one other time in my life, and I have to say, it's one of the hardest things a person has to deal with. Phyllis was a brutal woman, but I did love her, and I think I loved her too much. I feared her for so many reasons and did everything she demanded me to do. One of the many, many things was to be cruel to you and your mother. No, I never raised a hand to either of you, but words and actions do more damage than the hit alone; they stick to you for the rest of your life. Whether or not you believe any of those words is entirely up to you.
You've grown up to be a very beautiful woman and I'm very proud of you. I can't fault your mother for what happened to my son. It was all him and the doing of his mother. I never encouraged him like she did. She raised him to be a dominating male whereas she was the dominating party in our whole marriage up until the day I filed for divorce. I was weak; too weak to fight for what I believed in and that was a loving family. We never had that. In the whole 42 years that I was married to her, she ruled me; made me do things that were unheard of. I won't repeat any of the things she made me do; I'm too ashamed and will take all my misdeeds to the grave with me. She was just as cruel and demanding to your father.
I can't apologize enough to you and I pray that one day you will give me the chance to try and get to know you. I do love you and I have from the day you were born. My son was wrong; I was wrong, and Phyllis was wrong. I believe in Karma and now it's striking me full force. I'm paying for everything that I've done. One of those things is not being a part of your life. You and your brother are all I have left, Isabella. I have no one.
My cancer treatments are going well. I was lucky it was caught in the earliest of stages. I have two weeks left of my chemotherapy. So far, everything looks good. The doctor says I have a great chance at fighting this war. I only wished the chemo would fight the war that wages inside of me. I can never forgive myself for the man I was. I am no longer him. With the help of the Lord and many therapy sessions, I've become to know that I can be a better man and the next step is forgiveness. I'm having a hard time with that, though. I don't think it would ever be possible to conquer that battle.
On the subject of your mother. She's a great mother and she raised you well. She had always been a beautiful woman herself and did what she had to do to survive my son. If he were alive today, he would have to answer to the wrath of God for his sins. He may be in Hell, right now, but I hope to never find out. I'm trying to adjust to this life on my own; I've never been on my own. I always had my parents up until I married Phyllis. Then she was a constant in my life up until the day I told her I was leaving her. I left and never looked back. That was the hugest weight off of my shoulders. I felt lighter the moment I stepped through that door and away from her.
LikeIsaidbefore,Iunderstandifyoucanneverforgiveme,butI'maskingforit.I'mtryingtomakethingsrightbeforeIleavethisworld.IbelievethatGodwillacceptmewithopenarms if I can finally forgive myself and I feel that I can't do that, until I have your forgiveness. I'm on borrowed time, now, from the Lord and he can take me at any time. Please give me a chance? I would like the opportunity to prove to you that I'm a changed man.
As far as your brother, I would like to make amends with him, too. He is my grandson, also. You two are my only living family that means anything to me. James is lucky in a way because he never had to endure anything like you did. His mother was smart and kept him away. We were wrong toward his mother, also. Again, all Phyllis. I know James hates me, much like yourself, but I love him, too. I thought that once Phil told us he got his girlfriend pregnant, I hoped it meant a turnaround of a lifestyle for him, but Phyllis instilled her wrath on him. I never expected Phil to beat Melissa. I didn't know the extent of the conversation between Phyllis and Phil that caused him to lash out. I'll never know what truly happened. After that day when we visited Melissa in the hospital, I tried to convince Phyllis that Melissa having a baby could be a good thing for Phil and help him grow up, but to no avail, we ended up shipping Phil off to Phyllis' sisters' house in Washington, where he ended up meeting your mother. I finally convinced Phyllis that with Phil away, it could have meant better things for him, plus, he needed to get out of town anyway; the cops were asking too many questions. I was forced to cover for Phil, yet again. I won't speak of what happened, but it isn't good, I must say.
I love you. Please never forget that and always know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, even if you choose to never speak to me again.
Love your grandfather, David Dwyer
Once I was done reading the letter, I folded it and put it back into the envelope. It gave me a lot to think about. Of course, I can never see myself forgiving him. I had more Cons than I do Pros, in the matter. I also believed that people deserved second chances. I've seen husbands make complete one-eighties from the times I've volunteered at the shelters. How can my life be any different than those couples that have reunited because the husbands had gotten help? With David's persistence, and a little more of his explanation of his actions, I was very reluctant, but I had always been told I have a kind heart and open mind. I, myself, have always encouraged second chances and forgiveness where it was due. Why couldn't I do the same? It made me a hypocrite, otherwise.
With the death of Phyllis, I didn't feel one bit of remorse. I felt lighter because she no longer existed in this world. Call my feelings cold, but I was sure there was more than one person I know, that will completely agree with me. I was sad that David had to deal with her funeral all by himself and he was now left alone and going through his cancer battle with no support from anyone. It made my heart ache and seethe for the man.
"Wow, that's some letter. How's it making you feel?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. I'm pissed and remorseful. I'm sorry he has to deal with being alone and going through is cancer. James and I are his only living relatives, but I don't ever see James giving him a chance."
"That's a choice James has to make on his own, but as far as you, I can't make you stay away from David. That has to be your choice. Of course, I loathe the man for the way he handled things and more and more stuff is coming to the surface as to why he acted the way he did. We may never know exactly what Phyllis made him do and we probably should never know. That's also David's choice if he wants to share that with you, although, you may just wanna leave it alone." Edward kissed my temple and pulled me to his side as we continued to sit there and hash out my true feelings.
I sighed. "I don't know. Something keeps telling me to open that door for him. Maybe I should give him a chance to prove he's not the man that I grew up thinking he was. When I think back, David never really did anything. He said some things but only when he was in the same room with Phyllis. He used to look at me like he wanted to talk to me, but he never did. I just thought he was weird."
"So, he never did say anything to you?"
"No. From his explanation, I think, now, he was too afraid. I can't even begin to imagine what Phyllis made him do. I wonder if she abused him; dominated him into doing things he didn't want to do?" I sighed again, snuggling into Edwards' side. "I know it can happen. People may think a woman isn't capable of things like that, always feigning the victim, but they are. I've witnessed it. Women can be just as vicious as a male abuser. Sometimes crueler."
Edward rubbed his hand up and down my side. "It sounds implausible, but I believe it can happen. I've never seen it first hand, like you, but if that's really what happened to David, maybe it won't be such a bad thing to give him a chance to prove he's finally got control of his life."
"You're encouraging me?" I sat up, looking at him. "You actually want me to give him a chance?"
"Not particularly, but I can't tell you what to do, baby. I told you, it's your choice. That's a decision you have to make on your own and I'll have to deal with it. I'm a big boy and can manage, for your sake, to accept that being a part of his life would be a choice of yours. You're my wife and I love you; I'd do anything for you." He placed his hand on my cheek.
"I love you, too, and thank you. I just have to think about it some more. I'll talk to my mom and James and see what they say. I know I have to make this decision on my own, but knowing what they think, may help me make that decision easier," I said, leaning forward and giving him a small kiss before snuggling back into his side.
We relaxed for another fifteen minutes before I got up to start dinner. I was only making homemade pizza. I had already prepared the dough the day before, knowing what I wanted for dinner the next night.
The next few days went smoothly. It was Friday and I was meeting Rosalie for lunch. We hadn't seen each other in over two weeks. We had been so busy with our everyday life, and I knew that the closer we got to our due dates, the less we wanted to move around. The last time I saw her, she was so huge, but I didn't want to express to her just how huge she was. It would've hurt her feelings and not only that, I felt like the Good Year blimp, myself.
I had a little less than five weeks before my due date, giving her right around seven weeks. She was lucky, though, she already had her delivery all planned ahead because she was having a C-section.
"Hey," I said as I approached the table where we were meeting. "I'm sorry, I'm late. I had a manuscript to finish up before I left. Today was the deadline and I needed to get it out."
"That's fine. What's your plans for this weekend?" She asked, adjusting herself in her seat. I could tell she was uncomfortable; I knew I was.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Edward and I are going for haircuts tomorrow. I'm thinking about having a few inches cut off, so it won't be so long when the baby's born."
"Your hair's so long, now. How much you are thinking about taking off?" She asked, wide-eyed, knowing I loved my long hair.
"About five or six inches; it'll grow back," I explained, smiling over at her.
"Five or six inches? That will put your hair by the middle of your back. You sure you don't wanna take off a few more inches?" She asked, reaching for her ice water.
I reached for mine as well, taking a long draw from the icy cold liquid. "I don't know. I don't ever remember having short hair, but I'm too afraid it'll keep getting in the baby's face while I'm breastfeeding."
"I don't think I'm gonna breastfeed. That's just too much. I'll pump as much as I can so Emmett can help out. Thankfully the season doesn't start for a while, and he'll be around for the first few months. Esme said she's gonna help out as much as she can, too. We've got the best mother in-law, don't we?" She smiled over at me before the waitress approached us for our orders.
I nodded, agreeing with her. "Yeah, she's the best. Carlisle is pretty cool, too."
We ordered and then continued on with our conversation. "So, how's the house coming along?"
"Pretty good. We break ground next week. Hopefully we'll be in the house before Christmas. James is coming out next week. He and Carlisle have something up their sleeve and I'm anxious to find out," I said, in turn, adjusting in my seat. The chairs were very uncomfortable, and my back was killing me.
Our lunch arrived shortly after, and we ate like we were two starving pigs. "When's your next appointment?"
"I go Tuesday. My last appointment, they did a 3D ultrasound, and you can already see that both babies have Emmett's nose. They look so chubby. I told you what we're naming them, right?" She smiled over at me.
"Yeah, I think; Riley and Jacob, right?" I took the last bite of my food and reached for my water. "I love those names."
She nodded, finishing off her food, as well. "You two pick a name yet?"
"Yeah, but I think we want it to be a surprise," I said, looking shyly at her. Rose had become such a great friend to me and sharing our pregnancies with each other was something we could brag about for years to come.
She huffed at me. "C'mon, please? I won't say anything; between pregnancy buddies?"
"Avery Louise. She's gonna be our little Avery Lou." I was hesitant about telling her one of the real reasons I chose the name Avery. Yes, part of it had to do with Phil. He convinced me, more or less, even though I was already thinking of the name. That only made it more real.
"Awe... I love it; it's perfect." She took in a huge breath. "Holy crap, I feel like one of the twins is trying to push their way out through my belly button, look," she said, pointing down at her stomach and sure enough, I could see her stomach push out and move to one side. It was weird seeing it happen. Avery moves around a lot, but I haven't experienced any movement like Rosalie's.
I giggled. "I'm surprised you haven't pissed all over yourself, yet."
"Oh, I have, especially if I'm sitting on the couch and move to get up. That's why I go as soon as I feel the slightest urge to go. You know how embarrassing that is? I'm just glad I was at home when it happened. If I get any bigger, I'll need a wheelchair to get around," she said, chuckling. "I'm so jealous, though, look at you, you barely look pregnant and you're two weeks or so ahead of me. I jinx you to have twins with your next pregnancy."
"Thanks," I muttered. "It'll be a while before we have another baby."
"I think Edward wants to keep you barefoot and pregnant. I bet you'll be pregnant again before Avery turns one. We'll have our own football team before we turn thirty," she said, giggling at her own joke. I wasn't laughing; I just sneered at her playfulness.
"Laugh it up; you'll end up with twins every time you get pregnant if you keep joking around like that. You know what they say about Karma?" I was so glad I could joke around with her like we were. Alice was great to be around and was forever my best-friend, but I was thankful to have Rosalie around so I could share all my ailments with her.
Rosalie and I decided to stop by one of the shelters to see how things were going. I met the new girl, Rebecca, that she was telling me about. She reminded me a lot of Joyce.
Kennedy was surprised to see us and gushed over the both of us. She rubbed our bellies like we were Buddha dolls, making wishes. She was so excited and told us that she couldn't wait to meet our babies. We only stayed for about thirty minutes before Rose started complaining of her back hurting, so we decided to call it a day and headed home.
I stopped at the grocery store on the way for some stuff for dinner and decided to call my mom and see what she thought about the David situation.
"That explains a lot," mom said as I pushed the cart through the aisles, tossing random stuff into it.
"It explains what? You're not making sense," I said, urging her to explain better.
"Well, there was a few times where David pulled me aside and told me to just do what I was told. Also, when no one else was around, he would smile at me sadly, but I never took any of it to heart. And now that I think about it, the only time he really said anything, was when he was encouraged by Phyllis. So, maybe he's not such a bad guy after all, sweetie. People do some weird stuff when they're brain-washed and abused, which I'm sure he was either or, maybe even both. I know all too well what it's like to be in an abusive marriage, and sweetheart, you know just as well as I do that it's hard to walk away without help sometimes."
"I don't know. I just wanted to see how you felt about it. He doesn't have anyone anymore. And he wants to make things right with James, but I don't think James'll see things the way we do. I could try to talk to him before I make a decision. David's dealing with a lot, right now." I sighed. "Am I being too soft-hearted about this? Should I just say, 'Forget it', and go on with my life without giving him a second thought?"
"Sweetie, you know, all too well, that you won't be able to do that. You're not that kind of person. It's up to you if you want David in your life or not. From what you've told me, he seems really sincere about making amends with you. I mean, you don't have to be best-friends with him, or anything. You don't even have to invite him to all the family functions, just extend that Olive Branch and see how things go. I'll even be willing to talk to him," she said, sounding like the mother I want to be when Avery gets old enough to seek advice. My mother was very wise and I was thankful to have a mother like her.
I grabbed a couple of loaves of bread from the shelf and laid them on the seat of the cart. "You will?"
"Yes. If you want to plan a time to meet with him, we can do it together. Make it a weekend so I don't have to take time off from work and preferably before my granddaughter's born," she explained. And having my mom around after Avery was born, would be a God-send.
We ended our call when I was finally finished loading the cart full of groceries that we really didn't need. I'd have to make sure to cook a ton of food and invite everyone over for dinner. Hopefully Edward would be home so he could help me take them up to the loft.
I still couldn't take my mind off of David. I had a feeling that I needed to try and make amends. My dream about Phil still ran through my mind, which only left me with one conclusion. I'll call James when I get home. And maybe call David.
Thanks again,
Reason