The lone satyr made his way through the dark forest, occasionally stumbling over his own two hooves. A backpack was slung over his shoulder, and under his breath he kept mumbling the same word over and over.
"Pants. Pants. Pants!" Dipper repeated to himself, scowling as nothing appeared. What good was having magic, when Puck had never actually explained to him how to use it?
Dipper stopped walking for a moment, so he could close his eyes and focus on conjuring himself a pair of jeans. Details… maybe that was the trick? He imagined soft, well-worn, stone washed denim. Brass button and zipper. Slightly frayed hems. Dipper opened his eyes—still nothing.
Sighing, he continued on toward the Mystery Shack, shivering in the cold, his breath creating small clouds of steam. He kept picturing different pairs of pants. Even a kilt, just for the heck of it. He was so busy trying to magic himself some pants, he didn't realize he was close to the Mystery Shack until he abruptly walked into the clearing around it, still lit by the fairy lights from the Christmas party.
Dipper glanced up at the roof, where only two nights ago he and Wendy had finally kissed. It already felt like a lifetime ago. He was a completely different person now—literally. What if the changes were too much for her? Would she still want to be with him now?
"Waaaaaaaddles!" Mabel calling for her pet pig from the door of the Mystery Shack startled Dipper from his thoughts. He quickly stepped back into the shadows below the trees, not ready to reveal himself to his sister yet.
A soft grunt came from behind him, and Dipper whirled around to find the beady little eyes of Waddles, the emotional support pig, staring up at him.
"Shoo, Waddles," whispered Dipper. "Go to Mabel."
Waddles stepped forward, his bedazzled vest sparkling as it reflected the glow of the fairy lights. He grunted softly again.
"Waaaaaaaddles!" Mabel's voice was closer this time. Mabel was walking toward the forest, glancing around for her pet.
"Go! Shoo!" Dipper hissed, panicking. He didn't know how to reveal himself to Mabel. Even his voice sounded different, so simply calling out to her to explain before she could see him was pointless.
"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" squealed Waddles, caterwauling so loudly that the whole clearing echoed with his screech.
"Dammit!" Dipper said softly, dodging behind the nearest tree trunk as Mabel approached at a run.
"Waddles?!" Mabel cried, panic in her voice. She was only about ten feet from her brother.
Dipper heard the pig answer her with a soft grunt directly on the other side of his tree.
"OhmygoshWaddlesareyouokayyouscaredmesomuch!" Mabel uttered breathlessly.
Waddles replied with another soft grunt, and Dipper heard his tiny hooves crunch on the thin crust of snow as he walked around the tree. Dipper looked down, and again, beady little pig eyes met his.
"Thanks a lot, Waddles," he muttered quietly.
Waddles grunted.
"Waddles, what are you oinking at?" asked Mabel, her voice coming closer.
Dipper closed his eyes, and leaned his head back against the tree trunk. There was no point in postponing the inevitable.
"Don't come around the tree, Mabel. At least, not yet," he said, defeat heavy in his voice.
"Uh… hi, talking tree?" said Mabel. "How do you know my name?"
"The tree isn't talking to you, Mabel. It's me, Dipper," he said with a sigh.
"No you're not, silly!" said Mabel with a giggle. "My brother doesn't sound like Mulder from the X-Files."
"Mabel, listen. It really is Dipper," he said, "Your bro-bro. We stole a time travel device from Blendin, and I gave up my chance to win a prize for Wendy at the carnival so you would end up with Waddles instead of Pacifica."
"Dipstick? It's really you?" asked Mabel, reluctantly. "Why do you sound like that?"
"Do you want the long version or the short version?" asked Dipper. "Never mind, you're getting the short version. Goat fur isn't particular insulating, and I'm freaking freezing."
"Goat fur? What—" Mabel started to walk around to Dipper's side of the tree, but he threw his arm out to stop her.
"You really need me to explain things beforeyou see me, okay Mabel?" he said. He felt her grab his hand and hold onto it.
"Okay Dipper," she said quietly. "Tell me what you need to tell me."
"Since humans are forbidden to enter the Green Realm, Multibear's plan was to get a god involved," said Dipper. "This particular god happens to be Puck, or Pan, or Robin Goodfellow. Apparently he goes by a lot of names. Anyway, he's a nature god, but also a trickster. Kind of a jackass, really. He told me that in order for me to get into the Green, I had to be 'not human.'" Dipper heard Mabel gasp, as she squeezed his hand. "He decided to turn me into what he is. A satyr. Not only that, but he wants me to be his protégé. Like, a god with training wheels. And he aged me, Mabel. I'm not only a half goat, but I'm also apparently seventeen years old now…hence the voice change."
Mabel was silent for a moment, processing everything her brother said. "So, we're not twins anymore?" she said, her voice quivering.
"Mabel, I don't care if I'm half a goat, or even a full goat. I'll always be your twin—your bro-bro," said Dipper, giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "Are you ready to see me now?"
"Yeah, I guess so," she said quietly.
Dipper let go of her hand, and walked out from behind the tree. He held his hands clasped together in front of his nethers.
"Oh."
"Mabel, I—"
"My. GAWD!" cried Mabel. "You look like Mr. Tumnus!"
Dipper stood stunned, as Mabel hugged him and squeed.
"You're not freaked out?" he asked, when she finally let go of him.
"Dipper, you're half-goat, half-naked, and like four years older than me now," said Mabel. "Of course I'm freaked out. But you're still my bro-bro."
Dipper smiled. He should have known that Mabel would always be accepting of him, no matter what.
"Okay, Mabel… here's the thing," said Dipper, "Before I go inside, can you ask Soos if I can borrow a pair of his pants? I'm feeling rather…exposed."
Mabel laughed. "No problem, Dipstick. Be right back." She scooped Waddles into her arms, and made her way back to the Mystery Shack.
/
Mabel had brought Dipper an old pair of Soos' jeans, and a belt with a Batman buckle. He pulled the belt as tightly as it would go, but the pants still sat just below his hips, his brown fur peeking out above the waistband.
"I should have asked Mabel for a shirt, too," he muttered to himself as he walked toward the door of the Mystery Shack. The door flew open and Mabel stuck her head out.
"What took you so long, bro-bro?" she asked.
"My knees," said Dipper. "They don't bend the right way anymore. Pants are a little more of a challenge than I expected."
Mabel giggled. "Well, I told everyone that you look different, but I didn't spoil the surprise. They're all waiting in the living room."
"Oh, good," said Dipper, as he stepped inside.
"Duh-duh-DAAAAAAAAH!" Mabel shouted, as Dipper walked reluctantly into the living room, staring at the floor.
Silence.
"So," said Dipper, finally looking up, meeting the stunned gazes of Soos, Melody, Pacifica and Grenda. "I'm a satyr now."
"Dude," said Soos, "What happened to your voice? You haven't always sounded like that, have you? Because I don't remember you sounding like that."
"Forget his voice," said Pacifica, her eyes wide. "Look at his abs. And he has a jawline…"
"He has horns too," volunteered Grenda, not wanting to be left out of the conversation.
"Dip," said Mabel quietly, elbowing her brother. "Explain."
Dipper sighed, and launched into the tale of Wendy being kidnapped, his conversation with Manly Dan, and Multibear introducing him to Puck, who turned Dipper into a satyr and gave him powers.
"Oh, and there's also the whole age thing," he said, as he finished. "Apparently having a thirteen year old protégé doesn't fit his 'image,' so Puck aged me up a few years. I'm seventeen now."
"So," said Melody thoughtfully after Dipper told his story, "how exactly does being a satyr help you rescue Wendy? I mean, powers—those are cool… but how do you use them? How do you even get to the Green Realm?"
"Well," replied Dipper, "I don't exactly know yet. Puck told me that I would find a guide to take me to the Green Realm here…" He looked intently at everyone in the room.
"Don't look at me," said Soos. "I sometimes get lost trying to find the way out of my own bedroom, dude."
"Sorry, Dip, but I'm one-hundred percent, pure, Grade-A human," said Pacifica with a smirk.
"Also human," said Melody, raising her hand.
"Do you think maybe Puck meant Waddles?" Mabel said excitedly, scooping up the pig from the floor and giving him a squeeze. Waddles squealed and flailed his legs in an effort to get down.
"Gods, I hope not," muttered Dipper.
Grenda cleared her throat loudly, and stood up.
"What's up?" asked Dipper.
"I can get you there," said Grenda. "To the Green Realm, I mean. I know the way in."
"How could you possibly know that?" asked Pacifica in disbelief. "Unless…"
"I'm one-eighth troll," said Grenda.
"I knewit!" crowed Pacifica.
"What?" asked Mabel, sounding hurt. "Why'd you never tell me?"
"It just never came up," said Grenda with a shrug. "Candy knows, but nobody else. Well, except you guys now, I guess."
"Candy knows?! Why did you tell her and not me?" asked Mabel, feeling sorry for herself.
Grenda shrugged again. "It came up."
"So one-eighth," said Melody. "Great grandparent?"
Grenda nodded. "My great grandpa on my dad's side."
"Dude, that's so awesome," said Soos. "So did he, like, live under a bridge? Did he hunt billy-goats? Wait, should—should Dipper be concerned? Because he's like half a goat now, dudes."
Dipper cleared his throat. He was not terribly excited at the prospect of embarking on an epic journey to rescue his true love with Grenda, of all people, but if that's how it had to be, he would accept it.
"Look guys, if Grenda knows the way, then she and I better get going," he said impatiently.
"What?!" cried Mabel. "No! Not yet, Dipper! Besides the fact that you're completely unprepared, Grenda needs to let her parents know where she's going so they don't think she's been kidnapped or murdered or something! Not to mention that you seriously need some rest. You look dead on your f—hooves."
"Mabel's right, Dipper, you look zonked," said Soos. "Unless satyrs are supposed to have, like, huge bags under their eyes. You should sleep here tonight. Your old bed is still set up in the attic."
Dipper sighed and crossed his arms. "Fine. Grenda, go home and do what you need to do, and get together whatever supplies you think will come in handy. We'll leave first thing in the morning."
"Okay," Grenda grunted. "Mabel, are you staying here with Dipper tonight, or coming with me?"
"Well," said Mabel reluctantly, "My stuff's all at your house. I guess I better go with you." She gave Dipper a hug. "I'll be here bright and early with some Mabel juice for you, okay bro-bro?"
"Is that a threat?" asked Dipper.
"Oh no," said Mabel, flashing him a grin. "It's a promise."
"See you in the morning, littlesis," said Dipper, playfully ruffling her hair.
Mabel blew a raspberry at him, as she and Grenda headed out the door.
Dipper turned to Pacifica. "You should probably get home, too. It's getting pretty late."
"Ha! I don't think so," said Pacifica with a laugh. "And potentially miss seeing off Goat Boy and the Troll Queen in the morning? Soos, do you mind if I stay over tonight, too?"
"I don't see why not," said Soos shrugging. "You can use Mabel's bed in the attic."
"Great," said Dipper. "This isn't going to be awkward at all." He turned and slowly made his way up the stairs, dragging his backpack behind him.
"G'night everyone," he called out when he reached the top of the stairs.
"Sleep well, dude," called Soos.
"I guess I'll head to bed now, too," Dipper heard Pacifica say, as he opened the door to his former bedroom. A bright shaft of light from the full moon fell through the triangle shaped window, illuminating his home away from home. He crossed over to his bed, and sat his backpack down on the floor, before awkwardly attempting to climb between the sheets.
"Trouble, Dipper?" Pacifica said with a chuckle, as she walked in and saw him struggling to get into bed.
"Goat knees bend funny," muttered Dipper, feeling tired and grumpy.
"You know, if you took those pants off, you'd probably have a much better range of motion," observed Pacifica.
"No, wait, I got it," said Dipper, as he sat on the edge of the bed, and swung his legs over onto the mattress.
"You're going to sleep in jeans?" Pacifica asked.
"I don't have anything else that fits," mumbled Dipper, as he turned onto his side, facing the wall.
"Well…" said Pacifica slowly, "you could always sleep naked."
Dipper was quiet. Pacifica crept closer to him.
"Dipper?"
His breathing was slow and even. He was already fast asleep.
Pacifica stared for a moment at the seventeen-year-old satyr's dark, tousled hair, defined jawline, and his muscular neck and shoulders peeking out above the sheets. Sighing, she turned and climbed into Mabel's bed, muttering to herself "Wendy is one lucky bitch."
/
Warm, buttery sunlight filtered down through the leaves, giving everything a soft glow. The young couple, satyr and dryad, lay embracing on the forest floor.
Dipper caressed Wendy's soft cheek, and stared deeply into her emerald eyes, which were filled with tears. She buried her face in his neck, and he kissed the top of her head. Her hair smelled like pine needles. He felt Wendy's hot tears slide down his collar bone. With a finger, he tilted her face back up to look at him. Her tears were flowing thick and fast.
"Shhh, it's okay Wendy, I'm here now. You're safe."
"No, Dipper, you're not," she said, her voice shaking.
"What?"
The soft sunlight faded to gray, the forest becoming dark and menacing. Dipper jumped back as a wooden cage of saplings woven together sprouted around Wendy.
"Wendy!' he cried, reaching out for her. The cage, which was only feet away, seemed to move further back from him, the closer he tried to get to it. He ran at the cage until his lungs were burning, but Wendy was always just out of his grasp.
"Dipper, help!" she cried. And Wendy was gone.
/
Dipper's eyes flew open, his heart pounding, as he sat up quickly and attempted to untangle himself from the sheets. He hopped out of bed before he remembered he had goat legs now, and tripped and fell down spectacularly.
"Whas goin' on?" Pacifica said sitting up in her bed abruptly.
"Just practicing 'stop, drop, and roll," said Dipper casually, from the floor. "You know, like you do."
"What?" asked Pacifica, squinting to see Dipper in the dim, early morning light shining through the window.
"Nothing, Pacifica," said Dipper. "Go back to sleep."
"It's so cold, though," she said, pouting. "Won't you come here and help me warm up?"
Dipper finally made it to his feet. He crossed over to the closet, opened it, and grabbed a fluffy quilt, tossing it directly at Pacifica's face.
"Here," he said. "I'm going to get some breakfast."
/
The gray early morning sky was showing the barest tinge of the light purple and orange of sunrise when Mabel and Grenda arrived back at the Mystery Shack. Mabel was carrying a large, hiking backpack, and Grenda had a huge wooden maul strapped to her back.
"Dude, that's quite a weapon you have there," said Soos, impressed. "You could play an awesome game of Whack-a-Mole with that thing."
"Or whack-a-creepy-tree-man," said Mabel, grinning sleepily.
"Thanks. It's a family heirloom," said Grenda with pride. "I haven't really had a chance to use it before. Although I've wanted to," she added, giving Pacifica the side-eye.
The blonde didn't notice, however, because she was staring intently at Dipper's abs and belly button.
"Pacifica, sweetie?" said Melody, "You're drooling a little bit."
Pacifica wiped her mouth, and tried to regain her composure. "So, Troll Queen," she said snidely, "where is the entrance to the Green Realm, anyway?"
"About an hour's hike east of here," replied Grenda.
"Too…tired…hike," said Mabel, flopping to the ground. "Say bye here."
"What's with her?" Dipper asked Grenda.
"She stayed up all night knitting something for you, and packing our supplies," said Grenda.
"Thanks Mabel, you're the best twin a satyr could ask for," said Dipper, grinning. He reached down and pulled her back to her feet, and then picked up the trail pack, settling it on his shoulders.
"No prob, Dipidee-doo-dah," Mabel replied, followed by a jaw-cracking yawn.
"Well, Grenda… I'm ready to go if you are," said Dipper to his guide.
"Oh, I'm ready," said Grenda. "I can't wait to use this thing," she said, jerking a thumb behind her to point at the maul strapped to her back.
A round of hugs followed. Pacifica lingered with her arms wrapped around Dipper for a bit longer than was comfortable. Mabel was the last to hug Dipper before he and Grenda departed.
"Please be careful Dipper," she said quietly. "If you get yourself killed, I swear I'm never speaking to you again."
"Don't worry sis," Dipper reassured her. "I fully intend on coming back alive, with Wendy."
"I'm holding you to that," she said, and poked him in the nose. "BWAP!"
Dipper smiled, and ruffled Mabel's hair, then turned and joined Grenda at the edge of the forest.
Together, they walked east, toward the entrance to the Green Realm.