Wendy walked out of the forest and smiled at Dipper, her green eyes sparkling.
"Dude, you kept me waiting, for, like, ever!" she said, as she broke into a run and threw herself into his arms, knocking him backward. They fell down into a patch of wildflowers, and Dipper rolled over so that he was on top of her, staring into her eyes.
"Terribly sorry to have kept you waiting," he said, grinning. "How can I ever make it up to you?"
"Oh, I'll think of something," purred Wendy, smiling wickedly. She pulled him down against her, and whispered hotly into his ear. "Actually, I can think of a lotof things." She began kissing his throat, and running her fingers through his hair. Dipper groaned.
"Dipper," she said loudly into his ear, "wake up."
"What?" asked Dipper, confused.
"WAKE UP!"
/
Dipper's eyes snapped open, and he shot up, smacking his head into something solid.
"OW, YOU STABBED ME WITH YOUR HORN, YOU JERK!" shouted Grenda, who had been standing over Dipper, shaking him.
"Sorry," muttered Dipper, as he touched his throbbing face gingerly. "Gods, what happened?" he winced.
"You have a glass jaw," grunted Grenda. "You got knocked out like two seconds into the fight."
"Okay," said Dipper, squinting at Grenda, willing his eyes to focus, "to be fair… I'm pretty sure it was an ogre that dropped me."
Grenda smirked. "Well, after he dropped you, I dropped him. And like four other beast-people." She paused. "It's been a good day."
Dipper's eyes finally focused, and he saw the Grenda was sporting two black eyes and a busted lip, as well as a proud grin. He glanced around, and was surprised to see they were back in the forest. Twilight was falling, and there was a small fire crackling a few feet away. From the other side of the fire, two red eyes glinted at Dipper.
"Gah!" screeched Dipper, pointing, as he struggled to his hooves. "Grenda, something's over there!"
"Easy, goat-man," grumbled a low voice. The owner of the red eyes walked forward so the rest of him was visible in the firelight—a troll. He stood over six feet tall, with wrinkly greenish-gray flesh bulging over what may have been muscle. Coarse, reddish hair sprouted from his head, brows, elbows, and legs in tufts. Large, tusk-like teeth protruded from his bottom jaw, giving him an underbite that would have been comical if it were not so terrifying. He wore a simple loincloth, and nothing else.
Grenda laughed. "That's just Took. He won't hurt you."
"He-I…what?" stammered Dipper, stupidly.
The creature strode forward and extended a viciously clawed right hand, which Dipper hesitantly shook.
"Took Oddlock," he grunted. Dipper raised an eyebrow and looked questioningly at Grenda.
"Took is my second…or third cousin…" Grenda trailed off. "Well, he's related to me somehow. He recognized our family crest on the maul. He was able to break up the bar fight and helped us get out of there. He carried you here."
The troll uttered a noise that Dipper was barely able to recognize as a chuckle. "You not fights good, goat-man."
"You not grammars good," muttered Dipper under his breath. More loudly, he asked "So where's Bacon, then? I don't see him anywhere."
Took scoffed. "Alcohol midget hides under bar, and runs off with cask of whiskey when fight stops. He is bad trouble companion for you."
"Seriously?" sighed Dipper. He sank back down, resting his back against a tree trunk. "I freed him from a cage he was imprisoned in for stealing alcohol, only for him to steal morealcohol and abandon us when the first opportunity arose?"
"Pretty much, yeah," confirmed Grenda, settling herself on a fallen log near the fire.
"Great," Dipper said sarcastically. His stomach rumbled, and he groaned. "And of course, we didn't even get anything to eat at the inn."
"I help there," said Took, smiling happily. He sat down next to Grenda, and from a pouch on his loincloth he produced a small crusty loaf of brown bread, a wedge of some kind of white cheese, and a small, wickedly sharp looking knife.
"Oh, that's okay, Took," said Grenda, eyeing the food warily. "I think Mabel put plenty of food in Dipper's pack."
"No, no, I insisting!" said Took, as he began to slice the bread and cheese. "You better to save those if you be needing them later." He handed a couple slices of bread and cheese each to Dipper and Grenda, saving a small portion for himself.
"Th-thanks, Took," said Dipper. He sniffed the food, and finding no issue with it, shrugged and began eating. The bread tasted like pumpernickel, while the cheese was firm and tangy.
The small group ate in silence, until Took finally stood up and stretched, saying "You both sleeps now, I do guarding. It bad in the night forest to not be having a guard."
Although he had been unconscious for the better part of the afternoon and evening, Dipper realized he was exhausted. He and Grenda searched their supplies and found a couple of soft, pink and purple blankets that Mabel had packed for them. They settled themselves on either side of the fire, and in less than a minute, Grenda's snoring was echoing through the clearing. Dipper closed his eyes, and fell into a fitful and restless sleep, visions of Wendy haunting him.
/
Arden was the best audience Mabel could wish for. She sat on the Mystery Shack gift shop counter, Waddles snuggled in her lap, and paid rapt attention as Mabel animatedly told the tale of her strange summer with her brother and Grunkles in Gravity Falls. Pacifica was wary of the newcomer, but occasionally offered her own point of view of how things went down, especially if the story included her and Dipper.
"And that's all nothing, compared to Weirdmagedon!" said Mabel, preparing to launch into the tale of Bill Cipher ripping a hole in reality. Before she could begin, however, the door swung open, and Soos and Melody walked in.
"Hey hambones—" Soos cut himself off when he saw Arden sitting on the counter. "…And customer?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.
"Oh, you must be the Soos of whom Mabel speaks so highly," said Arden cheerfully, hopping off the counter. "I am new in town. My name is Arden."
"Oh, hey dude. Yeah, I'm the Soos. This is my girlfriend, Melody. We're running this place while the Stans are sailing around the world."
Arden wrinkled her brow. "The Stans?"
"Oh, he means my Grunkles. Stanford and Stanley Pines," supplied Mabel.
"Oh, I see," said Arden. She glanced out the window, and noticed that the sun was getting low in the sky. "I think I must leave now, my friends. It is getting late."
Pacifica sighed. "I need to head home, too. Grenda's house is on my way, Mabel, if you want to walk with me."
"Thanks for the offer, Paz, but I think since Grenda isn't there, it would be kind of awkward." She looked at Soos. "Is it okay if I just stay here until Dipper, Grenda, and Wendy get back? Pleeeease?"
"I don't have a problem with it, girl-dude," said Soos. "Melody, what do you think?"
"I think that would be just fine," she said with a grin.
"Yes! Well, I guess I'll see you guys later," she addressed Arden and Pacifica. "You willcome by again and visit, won't you Arden?"
"Of course! This afternoon has been quite pleasant. I will surely be by again soon," she said, making her way to the door. Pacifica followed closely behind her. The two walked out into the chill evening, their shoes crunching on the gravel path.
Pacifica had expected to walk back into town with Arden, and find out which family was hosting her. She was surprised, then, when Arden said a quick "Bye-bye!" and veered away from her, and swiftly made her way into the woods—in the opposite direction of town, where there was a distinct lack of civilization.
"Who areyou?" she muttered, as she pulled her coat tightly around herself and trudged home. She quickly forgot the mystery of Arden, however, as her mind wandered to the physique of her new favorite satyr.
/
In the cold, gray light just before daybreak, Dipper was unceremoniously awoken from a restless sleep, by Took jabbing him in the chest with a long stick.
"You wakes up now, Goat-Man," grunted the troll. "Green Palace is far for you still, and you is needing all the day you can gets for traveling by."
Dipper yawned and sat up. "Thanks, Took."
Grenda was already up and ready to go, her maul strapped to her back.
"Move it Dingus," shouted Grenda brightly, "Daylight's a wastin'!"
"What daylight?" Dipper muttered, glancing through the trees at the first orange hints of dawn coloring the sky. He sighed and folded up his blanket, placing it next to Grenda's in the pack. Rummaging through the supplies, he found a couple granola bars. "Want breakfast?" he asked Grenda. She grunted and nodded her head in the affirmative, so he tossed her one.
"So Took, will you be joining us on the way to the palace?" asked Dipper. "We could really use someone who knows how to fight on our side."
"Hey, speak for yourself!" said Grenda defensively. Her black eyes were swollen kaleidoscopes of mottled purple, blue, green and brown, and she wore them like badges of honor.
"Sorry to disappoints you, but I must be goings in the opposite directions today," said Took, his gravelly voice apologetic. "My mate will be wonderings why I am not home from the Drunken Ogres yet." He sighed. "She will probably throws heavy things at my head for beings gone so longs."
"Oh-uh… thanks for risking bodily harm to help us out for this long, then… I guess," said Dipper awkwardly.
"It not beings a problems for me," said the troll, waving off Dipper's gratitude. "Always the right things to be helpings family, anyway," he finished, flashing a snaggle-toothed grin at his second (or third) cousin, Grenda.
Grenda grinned back at him. "Give Clan Oddlock my love."
"I was plannings on it," said Took. "I will be leavings you now. Travels safe, and avoids gettings in any more bar fights." He nodded briefly at Dipper and Grenda, and made his way back into the woods, quickly disappearing amongst the trees.
"Well," said Grenda after a moment, "Where do we go now?"
Dipper consulted his crudely drawn map. The "you are here" stick figures had migrated over into the middle of the swathe of green swirls. An arrow pointed back to the main dotted line they were supposed to be following.
"Grenda, was there a road nearby?" asked Dipper.
"Yeah, we just came off the main road to make camp," she supplied.
"Good. I think we're supposed to get back on the road, then," said Dipper, happy to have some sort of plan. "Lead the way."
/
Dipper and Grenda had been traveling on the dirt road through the forest for about an hour, when they began to hear a strange, high-pitched screech.
"What isthat?" asked Grenda grumpily, rubbing her ears.
"I have no idea," said Dipper, glancing around. "I think it might be coming from behind us?"
A few more minutes passed, the noise getting louder, and more defined.
"Is… is it someone screaming?" asked Dipper, worry creeping into his voice.
"Maybe we should get off the road," suggested Grenda. "It sounds like it's getting closer."
"Agreed," said Dipper.
The pair found cover in the trees, so that they could see the road, hopefully without being able to be seen themselves. After a few moments, a strange sight came into view.
Bacon Ostrich was screeching in glee, his frazzled red beard flapping in the wind, as he held onto the back of an enormous, shaggy, black dog, which was galloping full-tilt down the road.
"What," was all Dipper could muster.
"Hey, it's just Bacon!" cried Grenda, the relief evident in her voice. "I'm gonna say hi!" She crashed through the undergrowth, back onto the road. Dipper sighed, and followed in her wake.
"BACON! IT'S GRENDA AND DIPPER!" she cried, her hands cupped around her mouth. Dipper lifted his hand and waved weakly. He wasn't sure he wanted to see Bacon again after he had abandoned them in a multi-magical-species bar fight.
The dog slowed to a trot, finally halting a few feet in front of them. Its tongue lolled out of its mouth, its drooping jowls dripping foamy drool onto the dusty road. It was, surprisingly, not panting as it should be after running full speed like it had been.
"Heeeeeey, it's my frens!" slurred Bacon, as he slid off the back of the dog and wobbled toward Dipper and Grenda.
"Are-are you drunk?!" asked Dipper.
Grenda ignored this interaction completely, as she ran up to the dog and threw her arms around its neck happily, exclaiming "Doggie!" The dog didn't move. It did, however, give Grenda the side-eye.
"Nooooo, no, no, no!" cried Bacon, in response to Dipper's query. "Not at allll." He belched. "M'kay, mebbe a lil. Only kind-of." He swayed on his feet. Dipper opened his mouth to speak, but Bacon cut him off. "Oh, shuddup then, ya smarmy bastard. Can't even magic yourself outta a sim-simple far bight," Bacon paused, and mouthed the words he had just said. "Uh, bar fight. A simple bar fight."
Dipper laughed. "Are you seriously suggesting that I'm useless in a fight, when you literally went and hid under the bar, then stole whiskey and ran off, leaving the two of us, who are obviously newto the Green Realm, to fend for ourselves?"
"Erm…no?" answered Bacon. "Wait, wha was the question?"
"You both suck in a fight," stated Grenda, as she stroked the enormous dog's head. The dog sneezed.
"You keep your nose outta this, then, Fenris," muttered Bacon. The dog sneezed again.
Dipper raised an eyebrow. "Fenris?"
"He's a good –hic—god." Bacon paused again. "Dog. Good. Dog. Borrowed him from a fren especial so's I could catch you up."
"If I'm so useless, why did you want to 'catch us up'?" asked Dipper, annoyed at the tiny drunken man.
"Well, you helped me when I neededed it, din't you? I'm returning the favor. You know, 'eye for an eye' and all that…" the clurichaun trailed off.
"Uh, I don't think that phrase means what you think it means," interjected Grenda. The dog softly wuffed in agreement.
"Okay, fine," said Dipper, crossing his arms. "You want to help. How do you propose to do that? You're like two feet tall, and drunk off your ass."
"I'm just going to ignore that hurtful jab about my height and my state of sobra-sobert-sobriarty." Bacon closed his eyes and said slowly "So-bri-ety. I was thinkin' I might try helpin' you work out your magic muscles, seein' as you have no idea what you're doin'. Plus, Fenris here can help guard us from nasty beasties."
"C'mon Dipper, let him come with us," pleaded Grenda. "He's got a doggie now!"
Fenris trotted over to Dipper, cocked his head to the side, and held out a paw. Dipper took the paw and shook it.
"Fine. If you think you can help me develop my magic, and if Fenris can help us with the fighting side of things (should there be any)… I guess I'm okay with you joining us again," Dipper said, resigned. Fenris' tail thumped happily against the hard-packed road, stirring up dust.
"That's me boy!" said Bacon happily. "I promise, you'll only barely regret this!"
/
Deep in the shady court of the Green Palace, a frantic figure paced around a lone birch tree, shouting and gesticulating wildly. Foliage and vines covered his body, and surrounded his face. Some of his vines even reared up in the air from time to time, acting as extra arms for particularly strong gestures.
"Completely willful. Absolutely norespect for authority! Unacceptable. Unacceptable! She is clearly yourdaughter, don't know why I expected her to be any different. Won't eat. Can't let her out to socialize with the court… heinous, heinousbehavior… tries to run away any chance she gets. Why doesn't she understand?!Lumberjack was a horrible influence, obviously, no doubt about that. And who in all the realms is this Dippershe keeps yelling and crying about?
"All of this, with your horrid daughter—and now my brother missing again. I am a god—A GOD! How is it that these paltry issues are causing me so much grief? Clearly I am not being harsh enough. She has had it easy. If she will not obey and comply, she may well end up in the same condition as you."
As the Green Man stormed from the courtyard, the leaves of the birch tree shook, although there was not even a hint of a breeze in the air.