A/N: Many apologies for my absence. Things are settling some so we're back to our regularly scheduled programming here. Updates will be back on Wednesdays from next week. I hope this chapter makes things up to you all!
Against her cheek, the soft pillow was moist as tears slipped from the corner of Padme's eyes and dampened the rich fabric beneath her. Exhaustion throbbed deeply within every inch of her body, but no matter how hard she closed her eyes the Senator could not will herself to sleep, so she pretended instead while Dorme slipped into slumber behind her. Her friend didn't need any further cause for worry after tonight, they had all been through far too much already.
Wiping away the wetness from her face, she felt her lips tremble as more tears replaced them right away. In the darkness, the only sounds breaking through the peaceful silence were Dorme's soft breaths and an occasional choked sniffle as Padme fought to contain her emotions.
Rolling on her side, she faced the vast floor-to-ceiling windows at the edge of the suite, overlooking the beginnings of dawn as it rose over the tips of Corellia's tallest buildings already. How long had it been since they got back here? She felt as if it had only been minutes. Gods, she needed to sleep – she was supposed to have meetings this evening, meetings her burned-out mind couldn't properly recall right now. Maybe she would have her staff back home just clear her schedule for a day or two. There were still media statements she had to draft about her rumoured entanglement with Varlo and her part in this disaster before anything else
Sighing, Padme rolled over again and faced Dorme's back, burying herself deeper into the plush blankets. When would this end? There seemed to be fallout after fallout to face when all she wanted to do was purge this night out of her mind and forget any of it had ever happened. Ignoring her wish, the memories lingered, taunting the Senator with such vividness, it was as if she were reliving it all right now.
The brief excitement of believing Varlo was a nice, interesting man, the romance of their dancing, the utter helplessness he inflicted upon her, the horror of Anakin's anger, the thrill of his kisses and the devastation of his rejection…
Fresh tears pooled inside her eyes and Padme simply did not have the strength to wipe them away this time.
She hadn't shared the full scale of her despair with Dorme when they had climbed into bed together earlier, it had been too raw then, too fresh to discuss without howling in agony on her friend's shoulder. It had been difficult enough to discuss the events of the party in the Hedsard estate, describing in detail what had happened with Varlo in his bedroom, the sheer viciousness of Anakin's attack on him and the lust and excitement of what happened inside the shed. Dorme had listened so patiently, her face paling in silent horror as she heard the worst of it. Talking through everything had been as relieving as it had been painful. Bleeding out all of the fear and joy and trauma from her heart and allowing her friend to hold her had been almost as exhausting as the night's events themselves.
"So, where do we go from here?" Dorme murmured as she'd pulled out of their embrace, "and I don't mean professionally, my lady. We have people to worry about that for you. Where do you go from here?"
Padme had thought about that for a moment and every answer felt desolate so she shook her head instead, pushing such thoughts away for later. "I don't know. Life goes on, I suppose. I'll do my duty as Senator and he and I will work together professionally until Prince Vader takes the throne and I meet with him instead." The very idea of sitting down to meet with Anakin across a desk, no more than colleagues at best, pained her more than she could say. She would do her job and what was best for Naboo and the people of the galaxy but it would kill a small piece of her every single day until… well, she would know when the very last piece shrivelled, wouldn't she?
"There was a lot of anguish and confusion tonight," Dorme said kindly, stroking Padme's back soothingly through her nightgown, "it was an ordeal from start to finish – for both of you in very different ways. Are you sure his turning away wasn't simply a response to that? He must have been as afraid as you were."
Shaking her head, Padme swallowed down the thickening lump in her throat threatening to cut off her voice. "I… No, I don't think that's it. He was very clear in his desire to maintain a professional relationship going forward. I merely accepted his stance."
She had called him a coward and it rang true even now. Anakin felt something for her, Padme knew he did. Why else would he have attacked Varlo so brutally in her defence? Why would he have kissed her and almost made love to her in the shed? Why would he have crafted a plan with his brother not only to absolve himself of any crime but her too? He told her she was in his very soul! All of that meant something! It had to… but he rejected her. He ran from her and closed himself off instead of talking through whatever it was he was so afraid of.
None of it mattered anymore. Anakin had made his decision, no matter the reason behind it, so what more could Padme do but accept it? She couldn't force a man to love her, for gods sake! No. She would focus on her work, just as she had before any of this happened, and in time she was sure her heart would heal from the damage this night had inflicted upon it. She would never forget this brief entanglement with Anakin Skywalker but she would recover. Maybe she would finally let Sola set her up with one of Darred's friends? After all of this, it certainly couldn't hurt to try.
"Oh, Padme," Dorme sighed, rolling her eyes, "Sometimes I forget that despite all of the experiences and education you have, you truly have no understanding of men and dating."
"Hey!" She'd cried, "That's hardly true. I've had boyfriends before, you know I have."
"Please, if it sputtered out after a month or two, it hardly counts," her friend shook her head, "Look, Padme, there is one thing in the galaxy that all men fear, whether they are criminals, working men or even Princes. Rejection. Prince Anakin would likely rather face an entire army of Rebels all alone than open his heart to you, offering himself and have you tell him 'no'. He probably thought you were feeling vulnerable in that shed and would regret it later. He was just getting in there first to avoid the embarrassment of you letting him down gently some other time."
Padme frowned as she listened. Dorme's words snuck their way into all too willing parts of her mind that desired this to be true far too eagerly. Maybe she was right…? Maybe someone had said something which had spooked him away and Padme hadn't seen it? The tiniest flicker of hope sparked to life inside her chest but, despite its temptations, she had ignored it, shaking her head and holding up a hand to stop Dorme from continuing. "No, no, I don't know if that's what happened and I don't care to think about it. I am exhausted, Dorme. All night my hopes have been up and down, on fire and then stamped out. I can't take any more, I can't! It's too hard and it shouldn't be! If two people love each other and they're meant to be, the galaxy could tear itself apart and they would still wish to be together. It would happen if it's supposed to, but it hasn't and I'm too tired to try anymore. I don't have any fight left in me."
Her tears had spilled down both cheeks and Dorme nodded slowly, stroking her fingers comfortingly up and down Padme's arm as she talked. "I can understand that. There's no shame in walking away from something that's only causing you pain, none at all."
They had talked a little more afterwards but Dorme's persistent yawning had sent both Senator and handmaiden into bed to get some much-needed rest but there had been no respite for Padme.
Suddenly, the thought of laying there staring at the walls until Dorme woke up felt unbearable, so Padme slipped out of bed as carefully as she could. Dorme deserved a peaceful rest even if she wasn't granted the same relief. She slipped on the white, complementary slippers the hotel supplied and pulled on her long, blue robe to ward off any chill as she snuck out of the room.
The hotel had many amenities though likely nothing would be open so late – or well, early, so the Senator wandered through the hallways silently, taking every corner she faced without an idea of where her feet were carrying her. Just getting out of her room felt better and cooler on her flushed skin. She imagined what a terrible sight she had to make, haunting the silent hotel corridors in her nightgown and robe, bruised from Varlo and her eyes swollen from crying… Her mother would have marched her back to her room to make herself more presentable if she could see her now.
Despite her best efforts to ignore the alluring words, Dorme's advice replayed itself in Padme's unwilling mind, torturing her with such teasing scenarios she half-wished to lose herself within them forever. Had she been wrong to accept Anakin's dismissal so quickly rather than fighting for what she believed they could have? True love never came without strife, did it? At least that had been so in all the stories she had read and watched over the years. Princesses and Goddesses were cursed and the Prince or hero fought to rescue them, or lovers faced a storm of familial refusal and strict rules which forbade their love, it was never an easy story.
What was it her mother had once said? Oh yes: "an easy life is not worth living, my darling," that was it. Jobal had said as much on a holocam call within Padme's first overwhelming, draining and absolutely frightening first week as Senator. It was advice she had promised herself to never forget at the moment but had almost slipped away she found her bearings in her work. Though Padme imagined that now her mother's advice would favour her scaling back on her work and building a life these days.
Why was she doing this to herself? How much more misery could her heart bear before it gave out? Perhaps she was a secret masochist? It would certainly explain much about Padme's life and her choices in hindsight. Still, though she fought it, the Senator couldn't help but picture a galaxy in which she and Anakin knew how to talk to each other. Where they could voice their concerns and work things out between themselves. A beautiful, deeply romantic life with a family of their own, a house in Naboo and peace.
She wanted it, fool that she was, Padme ached for it. With every beat of her heart, this desire grew larger and more insistent, so much so that she paused in the middle of the silent hallway and gasped breathlessly. She wanted it. She wanted him.
Maybe she wasn't quite finished fighting yet after all...
All night it had been about what Anakin said, what he believed was the right thing to do… no more.
No more!
She would go up there to his suite and she would tell him everything in her heart and if he still turned away from her, if he had true reasons for his rejection then Padme would learn to live with it, but she couldn't bear to not try one last time. At least one more time, she had to try! The Senator turned around and began to run toward the elevators which led up to the private, exclusive floors hosting Anakin and Vader respectively. She knew Vader, as the decreed heir, always took the highest floor so slammed her finger into the floor level Anakin had to be on.
The elevator sped upwards as nervous energy filled her body. A thousand words of love poured into her mind, twisting and morphing into the perfect confession to truly express how she felt even if he protested. She would make him hear her out one way or another because he had to listen to her. Then he would understand there was no need to be afraid of her rejection, her heart belonged to him and that would never change. Once he understood there was nothing to be afraid of, then they could really talk things through.
As soon as the elevator doors pulled themselves open, two royal guards draped in the hooded, vibrant red helmets and cloaks which completely disguised their identity towered sternly above her, grasping with their long, dangerous, pikes. She knew a little about these people, they were hand-picked for royal protection from the military, the very best of the best soldiers, the quickest, strongest and most powerful warriors. Nobody knew who they were, they seemed to exist only to protect the Emperor and his sons. Two shining crimson visors stared down at her imposingly and Padme silently chided herself for not thinking her plan all the way through – that wasn't like her. Of course, Anakin would have royal guards here to protect him whilst he slept! They weren't very likely to allow anyone entry to the Prince's private suite without prior invitation…
Clearing her throat, she readied herself. "I'm Senator Padme Amidala Naberrie," she attempted to hold her head high and confidently as if she were in the Senate delivering a speech, "His Highness has requested my presence in his rooms." Perhaps her rank would be her saving grace this morning. It wouldn't be very becoming of a Senator to rush up into the rooms to visit with one of the Princes for no good reason after all. Then again, she thought of her appearance and cringed, tugging her robe closed to hide her thin nightgown from the guard's disguised eyes.
"His Highness is asleep," the red-cloaked guard on the left barked, "I suggest you return to your rooms now, Senator. Appointments can be made at a more appropriate time."
If she was a smart woman, and Padme truly prided herself on her aptitude and logic, she would have followed his advice, turned around and gone back to bed to think this over properly, but after the night she just had, she didn't feel like being smart. Her mind was taking a backseat and allowing her heart to lead the way now and it was not quite ready to walk away just yet.
"His Highness commed for me," she held her chin high and raised a commanding eyebrow. Maybe if she looked sure enough, they would believe her? After that, she only had to hope Anakin would allow her inside or else it would be an extraordinarily humiliating walk back into the elevator. "Now, let me pass."
The two guards shared a glance and the silent one gave a long sigh. "One moment," he said, turning his back on Padme and making his way to the grand doorway at the end of the hall. Her heart hammered furiously inside her chest as a thousand scenarios played through her mind. What if he didn't let her in? What if he was being honest in his rejection earlier? Oh, she would kill Dorme for giving her hope.
The guard reached Anakin's door and thumped his wrist against it.
Thump! Thump! Thump!
What if he was asleep? Any sane person would be fast asleep and trying to recover from the nightmare of an evening they had endured together. What if he didn't wake up to hear his guard's knocking? Padme wouldn't have a chance of making it past them to sneak into Anakin's room on her own and she wasn't sure her nerve would hold beyond this strange hour between night and morning.
As her panic rose into the beginning of a frenzy, the silver door of Anakin's suite slid open, revealing the Prince in a pair of black sleep trousers and a short, matching robe which hung open, revealing his hard, muscled chest to Padme's wide eyes as he rubbed at his face blearily. "What is it?" He groaned, running a hand through his mused hair. If she weren't so nervous, she might have thought it was adorable… and extremely attractive.
"Highness," the guards bowed deeply, "You have a woman here – I mean, Senator Amidala of Naboo has claimed you requested her presence? I can see to it that she returns to her rooms if – "
Anakin's sleepy gaze lifted to meet hers from the other end of the hallway, she watched as his eyes widened in surprise and his throat bobbed with a nervous swallow. Please speak to me. Please speak to me, Anakin. Please! The Senator prayed over and over. This was their final chance, she knew it with all her heart. If this conversation did not happen or did not go well, she would release herself from him. It would be truly over. But if he talked to her they had a chance, they could make it work if he only talked to her.
"Yes," he cleared his throat, "yes that's right. I've been waiting for you, Padme. Thank you," he nodded to each of the guards as they stepped aside to allow her into the Prince's suite.
Anakin flicked the button to close the door behind them once Padme stepped inside his rooms and she allowed herself a moment to glance around and steady the frenzy she was working herself toward. It was a larger version of her own suite, nothing too different though the curtains and drapes had been hung with a thick, velvety, crimson fabric she suspected had been chosen for the Prince alone. Imperial royalty heavily favoured red, after all.
Silence fell over them as Anakin pulled out a chair by a small table near the large, wall-length window overlooking the city below and dropped heavily into it. She had been so sure of what to say all the way here but now that she was inside his room, looking at him, words failed Padme completely. How could she voice how much she loved him? How badly he had hurt her? How she wanted to start something with him, something they could build for years to come! She was never the person to make any declarations in her previous relationships and speaking about her emotions did not come as easily to her as it did to others.
"Can, um, can I get you anything?" Anakin spoke first, clearing his throat awkwardly as he nervously fiddled with the sleeves of his robe, "Water? Caff? I think I have some wine if you – "
"No, no thank you," she shook her head, "I don't want anything. I'm sorry if I woke you, I couldn't sleep and I didn't think very much about everyone else getting some rest."
"I wasn't asleep, don't worry." He sounded distant, as if every experience they had shared tonight had never happened, as if they were mere work acquaintances and nothing more. It made Padme's chest tighten. "I don't sleep very well. Never have. So, uh, you don't have to apologise for anything."
"Oh," she said quietly, "that can't be easy… Especially considering all you have to do, leading the military and dealing with the Senate in place of your father. You hide it well."
It was no great secret that Anakin Skywalker was often brooding and moody, even people who had never met him likely knew this about their Prince. It was very well documented after all and Padme had seen it for herself on many occasions in the Senate, she had always believed it to be rather sweet but to know it came from barely sleeping? It made her feel sad for him. It had to be exhausting.
"I'm used to it," he shrugged, "having Sidious Skywalker as a father teaches you to hide your emotions as best you can." As hard as she tried, Padme couldn't make Anakin meet her eyes. Emperor Skywalker hadn't been seen publicly for a long time and had never been seen acting as a father to his twin boys as far as she knew. She had never thought much of it – the Emperor may be a private person when it came to family matters after all – but from the small titbits she had heard from both Princes, she was gathering that the three of them had a very tumultuous relationship.
"I can't even imagine – " the Senator made to step closer to Anakin but he held up a hand to stop her at once. Clearly he was in no mood to discuss his father with her any further. That was fine, she had other things to speak about. "I am sorry for barging in on you like this, Anakin, even if you weren't sleeping. I needed to speak to you. It couldn't wait."
"What is it?" Concern painted the young Prince's face then and Padme's mind raced to find the right words to encapsulate the extent of her feelings and faith in them. She had never been in love before – none of her previous experiences had ever moved beyond mild attraction and a desire for true experience. The only understanding she had of grand, romantic confessions came from the holo-dramas she watched while all alone on her rare nights off.
"Well," closing her eyes, she imagined she were in her Senate pod before the faceless audience of beings from all over the galaxy. This was less frightening. This was what she was used to. Countless eyes watching her every movement and judging her every word and inflecion felt natural and at once the comfort began to chase away her nerves. "I wanted to apologise to you. I don't think you're a coward." Forcing herself to open her eyes, Padme found Anakin's tired gaze wide and nervous. Was he afraid as she was? Perhaps this was a plunge neither of them had ever taken before. "I never have. It's only… I was tired and confused after everything that happened tonight. I wasn't expecting you to say – "
"It's alright," he murmured, ending her fumbling words, "you don't have to apologise to me. Actually, I would prefer you didn't, but I meant what I said back there, Padme. My intentions were never to hurt you – in fact, that's exactly what I'm trying to avoid – "
"You're avoiding it," Padme interrupted, "because you feel nothing for me? Nothing at all?"
This was it… she had finally asked the question and though her heart thundered in a frenzy of hysterical, ecstatic, fright and she felt free. The considerable burden of not knowing where Anakin's heart lay began to shift, allowing her to finally, finally breathe again. Even if Dorme had been wrong and Padme was a lovelorn fool, at the very least she would know for sure now. The truth would bring her freedom one way or another.
Anakin's mouth opened and snapped shut twice as he choked on half-words and pained sounds. She watched as he shook his head, eyes clenched shut as he battled to formulate a true answer to her question. It should have been simple, it was a mere case of whether he felt anything for her or not but Padme sensed something was holding him back from her. Something she very much wished to get to the bottom of before leaving this suite.
"I… Look, I'm attracted to you, of course, I am! I would have to be blind not to be," the Prince pinched tightly at the bridge of his nose with a sigh, "I think you're the best damn Senator we have – you actually care about people and I respect you for it. But beyond that? This… all these feelings you want me to admit to can't lead to anything good." Every word felt like an attack, blow after blow which met their mark with brutal precision. She sucked in a tight breath as Anakin's eyes hung low, gazing at the surface of the table and she stole a moment to glance upwards as her own began to well up once more.
Storming in here, Padme had hoped to find a sliver, a crack in the armour he wore against her, however that hope began to dwindle and her fire dampened. Was she just making an idiot out of herself standing here fighting for a man who simply didn't desire her beyond base lust? Her mind and heart battled, one raging to push harder and the other desperate to preserve what little dignity she maintained after tonight. What was she supposed to do?
No… no… not yet, don't give up yet! A voice within her urged, jostling the Senator to withstand Anakin's half-baked rejections just a little longer. There was something that she could tell him, specific words she only had to find to make him see…
"Maybe I was wrong after all," she said haughtily, drawing Anakin's bright blue gaze back to hers curiously, "maybe you are a coward. And worse than that, I think that you're a liar too."
Anakin's nostrils flared furiously as he slowly stood out of his seat. "Don't start, Padme." He shook his head at her holding up a hand to point warningly, "this isn't a fight you can win."
"What's the prize, Anakin?" She managed only to whisper imploringly, stepping closer to him, though he watched her like a cornered animal, poised and ready to strike at any moment. "What are you fighting for? Make me understand, please!" Was this how he viewed life? Winners and losers? Battles won and lost? Had that been the lesson Sidious forced upon his sons until they knew nothing better? The very thought threatened to break Padme's heart as much as the man before her did.
"Look, you don't… you can't understand! It's more complicated than what we may want. The galaxy is more complicated than that," he cried. "There are… there are things you don't know – can't know! Nobody can. I'm not the man for you, I never will be." Anakin gave a long, shuddering sigh as if merely hinting at whatever burden he carried came with relief, the tiniest sip of water for a man dying of thirst. He ran a trembling hand through his hair as Padme nodded shallowly, allowing him a moment to gather himself. "You deserve more. I can't give you anything, Padme."
He was a broken man, she saw now what the sheen of love had concealed before and though it should frighten her, Padme wasn't afraid. She never did have the instinct to run away from danger and now she could see through him. The strength and the bravado he wore were borne out of pain, out of whatever harshness he and his brother had endured growing up in the palace.
It would be easier to turn away from him, to find someone who lived without scars and embraced life and love so thoroughly that Padme would never once question his devotion… but it would be false. Her heart beat for Anakin alone. Her blood sang for him. His was the face she dreamt of and longed for in the daylight. How could she ever share a life with a man who could never hope to take his place? No one could ever compare.
She loved him. Padme loved Anakin with her whole heart and now that she had glimpsed beyond the door he tried to lock her out of, her heart readied itself for battle all over again. After all, she had never desired a simple, safe life as her mother or sister had. If she had, she would have settled down with a perfectly nice man just like Sola. She would have bought a house and started a family years ago, but Padme had always demanded more out of life.
Anakin was a risk she wholeheartedly wished to take.
"I love you," she said, moving nearer so that finally she was able to touch him, to gently brush the very tips of her fingers against her Prince's warm chest where it was exposed. His body jolted beneath her touch. There was no mistaking how his breath caught in his throat. "I truly, deeply, love you, Anakin."
"Padme," he winced her name looking anywhere but her eyes, "I can't… There are things you don't know… You – you would lose everything by being with me, everything. I can't let that happen." Anakin grasped the backs of her elbows and finally willed himself to find the nerve to meet her expectant gaze. "If we were together, you would lose your seat in the Senate." The words seemed to deflate him suddenly, as if they were a breath he had been holding in for a very long time. "And I can't give you anything in return. Vader is the heir, not me. I can't give you a crown and throne… being with me… it's a lifetime of vapid public appearances. It's waiting for me to come back from one battle or another and that's if we could marry, which we can't, not until my father dies. It's the law. Going against it means I'll be disinherited and lose everything."
Every word played and replayed within Padme's mind again and again within just an instance. She tried to make sense of them, to wrap her usually sharp mind around them but the vastness of such a confession was difficult to truly swallow. Whatever secrecies the Skywalker family hid behind the doors of the palace clearly had an extremely restrictive impact on the Princes' lives. Anakin couldn't marry until after his father passed away. But why? Why would the Emperor create such a law – wouldn't any father wish to see his sons happy?
But then, what little she knew of the Emperor as a father did not paint Sidious Skywalker in a positive light. She closed her eyes for a moment, frowning as Anakin's words truly began to register in her mind, jumbled and frantic as they had been. Dorme had been right all along, he was afraid! Perhaps not of rejection as her friend had believed, but Anakin was deathly frightened of the effect a relationship between them would have on both their lives.
It could destroy everything.
Padme had never given very much thought to what came within a happily ever after for them. She had often allowed herself to be lost within more romantic imaginings of love confessions and first kisses and erotic moments they might share, never what such a commitment would really look like. Anakin was right, if they entered into a public relationship, any bill she put forward to the Senate could never be considered. Her work would be compromised and any royal support would be thought of as favouritism at best and at worst… well, she knew what people said about women who became romantically entangled with their superiors in professional environments. The thought of everything she had ever worked for, every bill, every law, every change within the Senate becoming tainted like that? Padme's stomach tightened uncomfortably.
But all of that, that was what came once people knew about them, she supposed, if whatever they shared became public and serious enough to share with the galaxy, something which would take months if not years to build together. Was there a need to worry about the potential of something if there was a chance it may not come to pass? Was it worth agonising over right now when there was nothing but longing between them? Padme wasn't sure… but it was something she had to think over carefully.
For now, however? She was in no mood to rush. "Who said we're getting married?" She asked quietly, "Who told you I want a crown?" Slowly, carefully, the Senator lifted her palms to lay on Anakin's hard chest once more, a small part of her thrilling as he shuddered in response. A storm raged intensely within his azure gaze and she hoped to quell it. "Don't you see? You're racing ahead and frightening yourself over things that are merely possibilities, not our reality. I love you, I want to be with you… but I don't want to marry you, not right now, at least. We can be slow and explore this together. And, at another time, you can explain these strange laws about marriage and your father's death but right for right now, all we need is each other, Anakin. No one else needs to be involved, not until we know who and what we are to each other."
"I want to give you everything," he murmured, "the galaxy, the stars, every damned moon in every system…" Anakin's fingers threaded through Padme's hair gently, as if reassuring himself this moment was true and not a dream he would wake from in a few hours. Padme could understand that all too well. She let the Prince cup her cheek and run the calloused pad of his thumb over her skin softly. "You deserve everything I can give you and so much more."
Tentatively, Padme leaned forward and upwards, ghosting the very tip of her nose against his. An affectionate bump, an exploratory mission of the most wonderful extent. "Anakin," she whispered, her hands dancing upwards along his skin to trail over his shoulders and along the hard muscle of his arms. His words left her quaking with desire and excitement and absolute relief all at once, the most dizzying spell of emotions she had ever felt. "All I want is your love. I don't need anything more than that."
"Force," he chuckled quietly, "you have it, Padme. You've had it for years! Since the very moment I first laid eyes on you, my heart could never belong to another." Anakin's lips breathed a gentle kiss on her forehead, her cheeks and eyelids and when a single, joyous tear slipped out of the corner of her eye, the Prince kissed that away also. "I love you, Padme. I breathe for you."
With that, he took her face into his hands and now both thumbs traced across her cheeks, wiping Padme's new tears away. Slowly, their lips came together and her body was set aflame all over again. This time, it was a different heat they shared in the shed. It was gentler, less of a violent lust and more overwhelming excitement at being so close to him. It was the delighted elation of finally being free to love this man and knowing that she had his love in return. Unlike earlier, their kissing was slow as they savoured one another rather than devouring.
Their kisses in the shed had been fuelled by sex. This was tempered by love.
Padme and Anakin explored each other leisurely and she wrapped her arms around his neck and laced her fingers through his golden curls once more. This was paradise. This was everything she had ever wanted since they met. When, finally, the need for breath became overwhelming, they reluctantly parted, resting their warm foreheads against one another as his hands squeezed her hips softly. Whatever lay ahead of them, she had never felt more ready to embrace.
Slowly, as trembles began to quiver over every single inch of her body, Padme let the heavy blue material of her robe slip off her shoulders and glide off her body into a heap of fabric at her ankles. Logically, she shouldn't feel nervous at all, it had been mere hours since Anakin had his hands and mouth on her body and yet her heart raced regardless. The thin straps of her nightgown began to slide over her shoulders when he stopped them with his hands, cupping her shoulders tightly.
"We don't have you, you know… I want, no, I need you to know that. We don't have to do anything if you don't feel ready… You've had a hell of a night, Padme. We – we can just talk or sleep or you can go back to your own room if that's what you want – " Anakin stumbled over his words, flushed and wide-eyed as he battled with himself to hold her gaze rather than allow himself to explore her visually.
"I want you, Anakin," Padme smiled nervously, "I want you. I want to finish what we started before…" Staring deeply into his beautiful eyes, she let her nightgown fall off her body. He took a loud, shaky breath and her body rippled with gooseflesh. It had been a long time since anyone had seen her so bare. She had almost forgotten how daunting it could be.
"You're an angel," Anakin breathed, his rapidly darkening gaze drinking in every single inch of Padme that it could. "The angels on the moons of Iago can't compare..."
Somehow, despite the nervousness she felt, she managed to laugh softly. Unlike Varlo's feigned, excessive compliments, Anakin's words breathed confidence within her which she had never felt before, even if he was being silly about it. She felt attractive beneath his heated eyes. She felt desired. Beautiful. An ache began to throb powerfully between her legs, slicking her thighs as she clenched them together in search of even slight relief.
"Charmer," Padme laughed, reaching up to slide off his thin, black robe. She undressed him unhurriedly, deft fingers undoing the tie of his sleep trousers so the hem was loose and easily pushed downwards. Her fingers lingered wherever she wished, travelling him as much as she teased him as they danced across Anakin's muscled body. As she slipped his trousers off his body, the Senator admired the fine line of golden hair leading to his hardening erection as it came into view.
When he was as naked as she was, Anakin stepped out of the pile of his clothes and reached for her though his hands froze in the slight space between them. "Can… Can I touch you?" His voice was husky and delectably low as his lips kissed a blazing trail along the curve of Padme's jaw. All too quickly, desire raced through her body, leaving the Senator trembling with need. It had never been this way with her previous lovers. Sex had been nice but never something she had ached for. At times, being with a man had held the erotic value of combing her hair and though it wasn't her partner's fault, no matter where they touched, no matter the position or timing, she had always hoped it would end quickly.
However, now, Padme felt as though she might die if Anakin did not touch her soon. The unsatisfied lust from earlier rushed through her unprepared body, making her pant with need. This was how it was supposed to be! This was what she had been looking for all this time! Why hadn't they done this sooner?
"Yes," she moaned as Anakin's lips sucked on a particularly sensitive spot where her jaw and her neck met. His rough palms returned to her waist and then wandered the length of Padme's sides, making her squirm at the ticklish sensation. As she opened her eyes to see him, the Prince's gaze was sheer reverence as he took her in and she flushed deeply despite herself.
Despite her vocal consent, Anakin's hands stilled once they reached the tops of her ribs and his gaze flicked upwards to meet hers once more. "Is this okay?" He whispered, his warm breath fanning Padme's face. Hadn't she just told him she wanted him to touch her? Couldn't he see how desperate she was for his hands on her? For his lips?
"Yes!" She laughed, "I already told you! Yes to everything, Anakin. Everything!"
He gave her a short, charming smile and slid his palms up and up, filling them with the slight swell of Padme's breasts. She sighed, leaning her head back as once more his lips explored the expanse of her neck whilst his thumbs flicked her sensitive nipples. Liquid heat pooled between her legs, torturing her with need. She wanted him – needed him! They had to be closer.
Anakin, however, was in no hurry at all.
Padme could only writhe against him as his hot lips trailed lower and lower along her body until he took her nipple into his mouth and suckled, making sure not to leave its twin unattended as he lavished her with attention. Small gasps and half-moans tumbled from her mouth and into the room as she fisted his blonde locks, holding the Prince closer to her flesh. It was as torturous as it was wonderful. Pleasure and a tease both at once. "Oh, Anakin…" She whined, "oh…"
Somewhere behind her, the Senator vaguely registered a dull dragging sound but her mind's usual sharpness was dulled beneath how damned good he was making her feel already, until an opulently thick, cushioned chair collided with the back of her knees, knocking her body down into its comfortable embrace. She gasped as she fell – that chair was not there before! – but Anakin merely smirked, a knowing smugness dancing in his eyes. "Rest assured, my love," he stole her lips for an all too brief kiss and then fell to his knees before her. "My abilities are far beyond merely moving things around… you'll see."
If only she could think of something witty to throw at him in response, part of Padme silently whined, but the sensation of Anakin's lips painting a path of kisses along her leg and then higher and higher until –
"Oh!" She gasped as he hooked her legs over his broad shoulders and his tongue found her wet core. She was already so wet, wetter than she had ever been and the sensation of the Prince's skilled tongue exploring her clit sent stars exploding behind Padme's eyes. Nothing could stop the pleasured sounds from tumbling out of her mouth now, it was all she could do to throw back her head and gasp his name over and over again.
To her surprise, Anakin moaned against her, the low hum of it sending sparks of ecstasy spiralling through her body. "Mmm," he groaned once more as his tongue circled her sensitive little bud torturously, "you taste so good…"
"Gods," she cried, rutting her hips desperately against him so that he had to hold her in place as he worked her closer and closer to the euphoric peak Padme had only ever experienced by her own hand. "Anakin, oh yes! Uh!" Padme cried again and again.
Her body writhed as he doubled his efforts, his fingers sinking into the flesh of her hips to keep her from simply riding his face in her furious search for release. The tension built higher, tighter, choking the very breath from the Senator's body until… until…
A rush of white-hot pleasure rushed over Padme's unprepared body faster than she could understand. Her head fell backwards into the plush backing of the chair as her climax peaked violently. Even as she fisted his hair far too tightly, Anakin didn't stop, not for one moment until the pleasure ebbed and she was forced to push him back as her core became too sensitive.
As she came back to her senses, the Senator felt a hopeless peel of laughter tumble out of her lips. Gods, if it would always be like that, how was she going to get anything done? How was she supposed to sit in her pod in the Senate or participate in meetings when she could be in bed doing this over and over again?
"Wow…" Padme panted as Anakin carefully freed her shaking legs from his shoulders, "that was…"
"Only the beginning," her Prince laid a series of kisses climbing her knee to her thigh before he rose, leaning forward and sealing his lips over hers. Padme cupped his face, moaning her mouth open for him and their tongues danced sensually. The sated fire within her sparked to life once more as she realised the tang coating their kiss was her, her own taste…
When they parted, Anakin gathered Padme into his strong arms, allowing her legs to wind themselves around his body once more as he walked them through the suite's rooms blindly. Utterly enthralled by their kiss and tracing her fingers through his hair, she paid no attention to the journey until her back collided with the soft, pliant mattress of his bed.
"Are you sure?" He panted over her stiffened nipple before tugging it between his teeth gently and Padme hissed at the sharp bolt of pleasure the actions sent rippling to her core. She felt his hard cock throbbing against her thigh and arched her body up against his, making Anakin groan against her skin wantonly. Almost every single inch of them laid against the other and yet it wasn't enough. How could it be enough when they hadn't taken the final descent together?
"Anakin," Padme rolled her eyes, lifting his head so their darkened eyes met. "I meant what I said, I need you… I want you in every single way." Her hands stroked his warm cheeks, "I promise, this is wonderful."
This time, their lips met slowly and sensually, lingering on one another as long as they could before Anakin pulled away to spread further kisses along her heated cheek. "Do you…" he panted in her ear, "are you protected? I – If not, I can get – "
"I am," she nodded, trying not to feel embarrassed at such a discussion while she was naked in this man's arms. As logical adults, they should talk such matters through, it was the wise thing to do and yet Padme felt herself flush deeply as if she were a teenage girl stuttering to her crush. "I – I've had my monthly injections."
He nodded, looming over her as he settled his weight on one forearm by Padme's head. She reached up, wrapping her arms around his body, flattening her palms against his broad back, and kissed him to chase the small remaining nerves away. They were hastening to the point of no return, the place they could never turn back from once it was done and it did not frighten her though it was overwhelming to think about.
Instead of thinking any further, Padme kissed him, fierce and needy, letting the desire fuel her movements alone. Anakin kissed her back with just as much ferocity, moaning against her lips as he shifted his hard body between her legs. She made room for him at once, parting her thighs as his lips worshipped her neck and his free hand wandered between their bodies to grasp his throbbing cock.
The very tip of him swiped over her aching clit once, twice, three times, making Padme gasp and bury her nails into the flesh of Anakin's back harshly. He hissed and nipped her own skin between his teeth in retaliation but the slight sting of pain was merely kindling in the fire of lust raging within her body. She gasped, throwing back her head as their hips shifted together and he was sliding inside of her, slow and deliberate, filling Padme's waiting body inch by inch.
It was incredible. It felt so good…
Anakin groaned as their hips pressed flush against one another and panted hotly into her neck, groaning as she instinctively tightened around him inside her. He rested only for a moment, savouring the sensation of their joining, before he began to move, thrusting slow and insistent, Every push made fire curl within Padme, pulling pleasured moans and sighs from her parted lips.
They moved together, building a steady rhythm as their lips found each other yet again, tongues mating erotically in his mouth as his thrusts gained power and speed. A loud litany of grunting, gasping moans fled Padme's swollen lips as she arched up into her lover's every powerful push, meeting him halfway as they rut frantically. There would be time for slow, steady lovemaking later when the madness had been sated. For now, it was all the Senator could do to beg him not to stop ever.
"Ahh…" Padme gasped breathlessly, raking her sharp nails along the length of his sweaty back brutally but the pain was no distraction for Anakin, it seemed to fuel his fire further as his hips pounded into hers with near-inhuman speed, riding her into the soft mattress without mercy. "Oh Gods, oh – oh, Anakin! Don't stop!" She pleaded as her pleasure grew, tightening low in her belly rapidly, "Please don't stop!"
Suddenly, an intense climax tore through her body with an intensity she had never experienced before. Padme wound every limb around him, wrapping her Prince in a full-body embrace as Anakin buried himself inside her tight core, cursing under his breath as her inner muscles quivered through wave after wave of pleasure. "By the force," he gasped in a long breath and looked down at her with wild eyes, raging with desperate desire.
Just as the heights of her bliss began to diminish, Padme cried out as Anakin drove every throbbing inch of himself into her body harder now, working both of their bodies to ecstatic exhaustion. Her eyes fell shut tightly as she held him close, gasping as every sharp jab of his cock within her somehow wrung yet more pleasure out of her body. The lewd sound of their flesh slapping together was so erotic to her ears that it combined with the heady aroma of their sex filling the air had her crying out all over again. "Yes," she gasped, "oh, Anakin… uh! Uh! Oh… feels so good…"
Spreading his legs for power as their bodies collided, Anakin fucked her hard. Taking her as his own, claiming her, loving her so thoroughly, Padme wondered how she had ever lived so long without this. Above her, he moaned more and more as her body worked to pleasure him, arching and squeezing and kissing so that his every sense would know nothing but her. "My angel," Anakin grunted, "mine!"
Her hand wandered lower on his back, reaching to cup his firm backside and pull him deeper within her, making them both cry out as her lower body lifted to meet his every thrust. Every inch of her felt damp with sweat from the strain of it but Gods, it was worth it. Beneath them both, the bedsprings sang their praise as Anakin squeezed her breast in his hand not holding his weight steady while he laboured over her.
"I want you to cum for me," Padme tugged his earlobe into her mouth and suckled, dragging a powerful moan from her lover's throat, "I want you to come inside me… Let me feel you, Anakin…" Her heels drove into his backside, urging him on as a vulgar curse tumbled off his lips and into the hot air between them. Deciding to give him a further push, she let the heat of passion wipe away any embarrassment as she spoke erotic filth into his ear. "Come for me, Anakin... You're so big and hard inside me… I want you to come for me. Give me everything you have!"
"By the fucking force," he panted, fisting his hand into Padme's damp hair as he thrust harder, faster… They kissed furiously, grunting, straining into one another until Anakin buried himself within her one last time and roared as his climax tore through his body. She felt each pulsing urge of his seed within her and held him through it, stroking her hands through his hair and back as he shuddered and gasped above her, collapsing when his energy was sapped.
Time passed. They shared breathless, tender words as they floated in a state of recovery. It was wonderful. It was amazing and Padme all too eagerly accepted her lover's kisses and wandering touches as the fire of before returned within to them, washing away any previous tiredness. Anakin's lips moulded against hers, lingering, savouring. The confidence and boldness she felt in their previous round did not fade as she expected it to and the Senator swept her tongue over his wetly, mating as their bodies had just done minutes prior.
He broke the kiss all too quickly for her liking but as Anakin's hard body loomed above her own once more, Padme thrilled at how small he made her feel, how delicately feminine she was against him. He brushed a dampened curl away from her face and smiled brightly. "Force, you really are an angel… You're so beautiful…"
One of Padme's legs hooked around his waist, urging his body closer. The heat between her legs blossomed so rapidly she could scarcely believe it. What they just shared had been mind-blowing! Deliciously satisfying in a way which made her shudder just to remember it… how could her body possibly be hungry for him again? It was as if a spell of lust had come over her and she had absolutely no complaints.
"So are you," she said honestly, "you're the most beautiful man I've ever seen, Anakin."
Slowly, Anakin's smile grew into a smirk as he lifted a playful eyebrow at her remark. "Really? So what about my brother? Being twins means – "
"Oh, hush!" Rolling her eyes, Padme laid a light-hearted smack against his shoulder. Of course, he and Vader were twins but there were two stark differences which separated them from one another. Complementing Anakin did not mean her words were also meant for his brother. They were separate people, after all. "You know what I meant!"
He laughed as he bent at the neck to take her lips in a scorching kiss that stole the Senator's breath away. "I know, my love." After a moment, Anakin's smile faltered slightly as he looked down upon her. Padme saw the worry fill his eyes, chasing away the light and the love which had been so prominent before. "I… I've never done this before, Padme. I mean, yes, I've been with women, of course, but not like this. I need you to know how much it means to me."
She was going to cry again. It felt as if that was all Padme had done all night long! She smiled up at her love, cupping his handsome face and nodding. Despite all they had endured, she held no doubts about where Anakin's heart lay now. He had shown her with his words and his body so she could never forget. "I know," she whispered, "I love you so much, Anakin."
"I love you too," his smile returned and what a wonderful sight it was. Their mouths met again, moving together in a newly perfected rhythm that left Padme quaking with desire once more. After a few moments, she felt the hard tip of Anakin's cock teasing her entrance once more and arched her hips to meet him. Her lips wandered across his sharp jaw and as far down his neck as she could reach at this angle. For a moment, the galaxy was nothing more than them. Their love, their bodies and hearts joining as one again. It was heaven.
Padme moaned and wrapped her other leg around her Prince's waist, burying her hand in his hair as Anakin eased inside her once more. Unlike before, his thrusts were slow and easy, as if time no longer existed within this suite. As if they would never have anywhere to be or have anyone come searching for them. She liked this fantasy more than she cared to admit.
Each tender thrust let her feel every hard inch of him gliding in and out of her body and her hands danced up and down his back, loving how his muscle rippled beneath his skin as she moaned beneath him. They made love to one another over and over as night truly turned into day outside. Senator and Prince learned each other's bodies for hours. They mapped each other with their hands and mouths, pleasuring and teasing one another into madness, making love furiously and slowly, switching positions and rolling all over the dampened sheets endlessly. It was long and entirely exquisite as she climaxed over and over on Anakin's cock, lips and fingers and she gave just back just as much as she received.
When it was finally over, she laid her head on his sweat-dampened chest and traced invisible patterns over her love's calming heartbeat with the tip of her finger as their breaths settled. She hooked her leg over his, tangling their limbs and sighed contently. "I never knew it could be like that… Maybe I'm being silly, but I didn't."
Beneath her, his chest rumbled with Anakin's shallow laughter as he stroked his fingers through her hair so softly, the gesture and the absolute exhaustion of her body threatened to send her to sleep. "You're not silly," he kissed her head, "I had no idea either."
Settling further against him, Padme fought not to sigh as the sun truly began to shine into the suite, signalling the actual beginning of the day. There was so much to face once she got back to Coruscant, things she wasn't ready to think about quite yet. She wanted to live in the peace of this moment forever. Nothing could harm or come between them here. There were no strange laws to explain or terrible fathers or judgement in this bed. If only it could always be like this...
"Dorme is going to kill me," she laughed to herself softly, "she'll be tearing her hair out wondering where I am. Typho too…"
"Hmm," his fingers began stroking her back, "We should probably get a message sent out… to Vader and Sabe too, actually. Don't want anyone bursting in here and interrupting us."
Lifting her head to meet his eyes, Padme smiled and brushed his hair away from his face gently. "That might be a good idea, actually. I don't want anyone to worry any more than they already have. We've caused enough of that for one lifetime."
"And I'm sure many others to come," he smirked, laying a kiss on her knuckles. "I'm going to tell Vader about us, Padme. Sabe too. I don't want us to hide ourselves any more than absolutely necessary." When he stroked her cheek, his careful eyes followed the movement and she saw the seriousness within his gaze. "Our love isn't something shameful to be hidden in the shadows. I want the people closest to us to know even if the public can't."
Padme imagined telling her friends about loving Anakin Skywalker, about any time they spent together and how he loved her too. How the people she trusted could finally know she wasn't suffering from a hopeless, endless crush which had endured for far too long… it made her feel giddy. She wished the galaxy could know that Anakin Skywalker belonged to her and she to him but perhaps that day would come eventually. For now, a close circle of friends knowing the truth was perfect.
"Yes," she nodded, "I agree. There are people I want to know about us too, my family for starters. Though it means they'll want to meet you sooner than later."
"Force help me," he smiled.
Nuzzling her head under her beloved's chin, there was nothing in the galaxy which could weaken Padme's smile right now. "It might have to," she laughed. "My mother could have been one of your father's Inquisitors in another life."
He laughed again and his fingers grew still in place on the slight curve of Padme's hip. "I'm sorry we never got to dance. I wanted to but I was too caught up with everything to go through with it. I wish we'd had a chance."
Something about this small confession brought the brightest of smiles across Padme's face. All night, though it seemed so silly now, she had agonised over Anakin's desire to ask her to dance and meanwhile he had been doing just the same thing! They truly were a pair of fools. Fools in love, but still fools. "I'm sure there will be other opportunities," she combed her fingers through his hair as she lifted her head to look at him. "There are always galas and events being thrown, we'll have our chance."
Though they would have to make it look platonic, she mused, which without experience yet might be easier said than done. Padme wasn't sure how they were supposed to act around each other in front of people now, it had always felt so natural before and now everything was different. It was a whole, wonderful new galaxy they shared.
"No," he shook his head, "no, we're having our dance! After the hell we went through last night, I think we deserve that much at least." Anakin gently shifted Padme off his body and climbed off the bed while she rolled over and laughed, allowing herself a lovely moment to admire his firm, round backside as he moved. He had to be crazy! They weren't at a party, they were in his hotel suite – there was no music!
"You're being silly," Padme giggled, "Anakin! You really want to dance with me like this? We're a mess!"
"You're a vision," he said without looking over his shoulder, picking up and then fiddling with a datapad for a few moments until the all too familiar stirrings of a popular song fed out of the device's speakers. Despite herself, Padme laughed, her face slackening as the deeply romantic notes filled the room.
Slowly, the Senator rose up out of bed as her lover pulled on his trousers and offered her nightgown with an outstretched hand and a small, sheepish smile. As she dressed herself once more, words failed her. Such a small gesture on his part was truly the most sweepingly romantic moment of her life… Padme wished to every star, moon and Nubian Goddess to never forget this moment as long as she lived.
Anakin laid a gentle hand on her waist and threaded their fingers together on his other hand. "You might have to remind me of a step or two. Vader's the better dancer between us. I usually do my best to avoid it if I can."
"I can show you," Padme whispered. "It's not a difficult dance."
Slowly, they began to move, following the simple steps to the beats the music offered. He stepped forward as she moved backwards in perfect synchronization. Mercifully, the bedroom was large and offered plenty of space for the lovers to move around, but Padme's imagination carried her far away. With a simple blink of her eyes, they were in the Hedsard ballroom once more, Anakin in his dashing military insignia suit and her in her luscious gown again. Around them, the faceless crowd glided across the busy dancefloor silently, their words and sounds lost beneath the dreamy music. There was no Varlo or Vinnis, only Padme and Anakin staring into each other's eyes as they moved gracefully to the strings.
For a warrior, Anakin was nimble on his feet, more so than she ever expected. For his claims of no talent where dancing was involved, she disagreed. He led her in perfect harmony with the music. Their gazes never left the others as they moved. The galaxy was suddenly small and peaceful and for this one moment revolved entirely around them.
"This is the part where you lift me," Padme whispered, "Is that alright?"
"You're not difficult to lift, Angel," Anakin smiled. He gripped her by the waist, lifting her weight with perfect ease and spun her through the air. His feet stuck to the steps just fine, one two three, one two three, and again. When he set her down again, Padme turned her back upon him. His hand was to go about her waist, and they were to make a few steps forward and backwards whilst pressed against one another. It was one of the more sensual moments of the dance. It brought the partners so close together, they felt every inch of each other.
Anakin's arm wrapped around her waist and held her close against him, just as the dance commanded, and it was as if he whispered something secret and thrilling into her ear for her alone, the way Padme shuddered. Without thinking, she tilted her head backwards and let her eyes fall shut and her lover did not miss the opportunity to settle a kiss on her cheek. When she opened her eyes once more, they were still in the ballroom, lost in each other's embrace as the music went on.
They moved together so leisurely that she was sure if they had been in the Hedsard ballroom, they would have been embarrassingly out of step but for Padme, this was perfect. This was not about appearances or keeping up with anyone else, this beautiful, intimate moment belonged to them alone. Nothing else mattered. They spun around and Anakin gently hoisted her into the air again.
They spun once more, noses barely an inch apart as the music began to fade to its ending. She could not stop staring into his eyes, even as her fantasy died away and the reality of dancing in the hotel in their nightwear returned to her, everything felt devastatingly romantic. After a moment, there was no more music and they stood there, in the middle of Anakin's bedroom quietly swaying as if nothing had changed.
They held one another close and Padme could not battle down her smile even if she had bothered to try. This was the beginning of their actual happy ending and she couldn't wait to see what came next.