Maria smiled to Alexander as she pushed him in the grocery cart, and he gave her a small giggle of appreciation. He certainly had a fondness for his mother, which always made her feel incredibly blessed. He was a perfect angel anymore, very even tempered and calm. While she knew the temperament of a baby could change in the blink of an eye, she decided to simply accept it and be grateful.
"Oh, careful with that, dear." She stepped forward a bit, helping Gretl grab a box of cereal from a shelf that was just a bit too tall for her.
"Thank you, Mother." The girl smiled, happily skipping over to place her cereal in the cart. Georg was at work, and the older children were either working as well or spending time with friends, so Maria took the opportunity to spend the day with the three youngest children. While they were the youngest, she knew the girls especially tended to feel left out of things. Alexander didn't seem to care one way or the other, she mused.
They made their way to the fruits and vegetables, and Maria began sifting through to find the perfect watermelon for their next picnic. She and the children had explored enough in the woods behind their house that they finally found a perfect, secluded place, just for them, and they were fully planning to take advantage of it. It wasn't exactly like her mountain, but it was their own, and the children were ecstatic. Suddenly, she met a woman's eyes over the top of the apples. She smiled in greeting, but the woman quickly averted her gaze and moved along, rather rudely, she had to admit. She sighed, shaking her head and gathering a few apples while she was there.
She had seen her fair share of such behavior since her incident in the park with Mrs. Jones, but it didn't stop her from feeling hurt each time it happened. Georg thinking it would all blow over was a joke. She knew he was hopeful and trying to make her feel better at the time, but there was no denying that the people in town, especially the women, had branded her as a certain kind of woman. People who had known them since they moved to America, who she had spoken to on numerous occasions, even they found the mere sight of her to disgust them. She tried not to allow herself to be shaken by it all, but even she couldn't deny that it hurt very deeply.
When she and Georg had announced their engagement to marry, she received a lot of the same looks due to his connection with Baroness Schraeder. The difference then was, Georg was so well-respected in Austria, she had easily been given the platform to win them all over, and she did. Gossip always existed, and she was certain her name remained in the mouths of some, but soon they all moved on to something else that was more interesting, more scandalous. Georg no longer had the level of power and respect he had in Austria, and while he remained hopeful, she feared her own confidence was wavering with each dirty look or sly comment tossed her way. She had always had a weakness for wanting others to like her, she could admit that about herself.
They pushed the cart into a checkout line, the girls excitedly showing one another the little snacks she had allowed them to pick out. She smiled at their enthusiasm, and she felt her heart ache a bit at how much they were growing. It felt like only yesterday that she was lugging Gretl around on the back of her bike or teaching Marta how to whistle. They were all growing so quickly, and while she was so proud, the nostalgia for a simpler time was ever present. The simplicity of the days when she was their governess had never felt more welcoming.
"…slept with her husband, and she confronted her in the park." She heard the whisper from the next line over, and she closed her eyes to control herself. Attempting to set the record straight would only hurt everyone involved even more, she knew. She didn't want her children to hear a thing, and throwing a fit at a stranger to defend her own reputation certainly would not set a good example.
"Hello." She smiled cheerfully to the woman totaling the groceries, but the woman only raised her eyebrows at being addressed. Maria paid her no mind and simply bought their food and moved on. They weren't there for much anyway, she decided, so they could easily make a quick escape.
The girls skipped happily in front of her, carrying smaller bags, while she carried a bag on one hip and Alexander on the other. Thankfully, their home wasn't too far from the grocery store, or she knew she would have a mess on her hands at any moment. She smiled at the lady who owned the bookshop, but she quickly turned her eyes to ignore the gesture. She scoffed, still doing her best to hold herself together. She was certain she would find at least one person who wouldn't believe the rumors. Wouldn't she?
"Slut!" She jumped in surprise as a car sped past them, a woman leaning out the window to shout. The girls quickly turned around to meet her eyes, confused. She was certain she stopped breathing for a moment.
"Mother, why did she call you that? What does it mean?" Gretl's inquisitive voice brought her out of her shock, and she shook her head as they continued to walk, just a bit faster.
"It's a very nasty word that people use to hurt others. You should never call someone that."
"What does it mean though?" She sighed, looking both ways before they crossed the street.
"It is a word used to describe a woman who people think has made immoral choices." She knew her explanation would go over their heads, which was her intention, after all. Could she not even take her children to the grocery store without them hearing obscenities?
"Why would she call you that? Doesn't she know how wonderful you are?" Maria laughed a bit, tears welling in her eyes at Marta's words.
"She doesn't know me at all. Perhaps we only need to be better acquainted." She pretended it didn't hurt for the sake of the girls, but her heart felt shattered for so many reasons.
Everyone was animated at supper, chatting and carrying on about their day, but she found that she didn't have much of an appetite. She stared at her plate, wondering where it had all gone wrong. Even though she had never truly felt happy with their current location, she had never treated anyone she met with disrespect or given them a reason to dislike her. If anything, she had been the nicest she could possible be to every person she had come into contact with. She couldn't understand how all of that meant nothing, just from one false accusation. It made no sense how one woman's lies could be so damaging.
Her heart felt heavy, and she said a quick prayer to again ask that none of her children suffered from her new reputation. She wouldn't have been able to forgive herself if she was somehow responsible for stunting their success…or if they heard anything unsavory about their mother. She had come to them as a postulant, and her intentions had always been pure and good; it was always genuine. The thought that they could see her in a different light made her stomach ache. If she was the only person denying the accusations of an entire town, it was possible that her own children wouldn't believe her either.
"Darling?" She looked up from her food to find Georg looking into her eyes, a frown upon his face. They were all staring at her, and she realized as she came back to reality that her face was soaked with tears. She brought her napkin from her lap, wiping her cheeks quickly.
"Oh, goodness, I'm so sorry. I don't know what's come over me." She tried to smile, yet the tears wouldn't stop.
"Are you alright?" He appeared truly concerned, but she didn't want to worry him. She had merely had an emotional day, she decided.
"I'm just tired, I think." She sniffled, patting her face dry and returning her napkin to her lap.
"Mother, are you upset about what that lady called you?" Her eyes widened and Georg's ears perked up at Gretl's words. Before she could respond, he took the lead, meeting his youngest daughter's eyes.
"What did she call her?"
"I…Mother says it's a bad word I shouldn't say."
"What if you whispered it to me just this once?"
"Georg, no." Maria's voice was firm, and he raised his eyebrows in question. She didn't want to even think of their little girl saying such a thing.
"That bad?"
"Just drop it. Everyone finish eating, please." They obeyed, but a silence enveloped them that felt quite uncomfortable. She hadn't intended for things to feel awkward because of her, and her heart felt achy all over again. She looked at her food, unable to eat even if she wanted to.
"Come on." She jumped as Georg was suddenly at her side, taking her arm in his hand and gently pulling her to stand. Max and the children looked after them, waiting patiently for their departure so they could whisper amongst themselves. He guided her into the next room, quickly pulling her into a hug. She accepted his embrace more than willingly, not realizing how much she needed the reassurance of his love until that very moment.
"I'm sorry. I hate to upset the children."
"You think that's why I brought you here?" He pulled away to meet her eyes, but she avoided his gaze. "What happened today?"
"The same as every day."
"It really hasn't gotten any better? I was so certain that…"
"It's only gotten worse!" She wiped her cheeks as she pulled away, frustrated that he didn't seem to understand. "I know you think this will just be a non-event, but you're not the one living it. I feel tormented every single day."
"Tormented? Why haven't you said anything?"
"Because I don't want you to worry." He scoffed, placing his hands upon his hips in frustration.
"Well now I'm incredibly worried." He leaned forward a bit, finally willing her to catch his gaze with her own, and she sighed. "What were you called?"
"We were walking home, and a woman called me a slut out the window of her car."
"You're certain?"
"She yelled so loudly, there was no mistaking it." She shook her head, rolling her eyes at how unbelievable her day was. She had never been called something like that in her life. "I know it sounds silly to be bothered by it, but you should see the way people look at me, Georg. Every single person I see acts like I'm the Whore of Babylon."
"You couldn't be further from it."
"You and I know that."
"We're the only ones that matter." He leaned forward to place a kiss upon her lips, but she pulled away in frustration.
"If I matter so much, then why is this happening? I've done absolutely nothing wrong."
"Maria, calm down."
"I will not!" He frowned, wishing he had any control over the situation, but they both knew there was nothing they could do. The damage had already long been done. She sighed, running a hand over her face. "I'm just…tired, of everything. I want nothing more than for things to feel quiet."
"Our life has never been quiet." He tried to lighten the mood a bit with his tone, but it only served to frustrate her.
"Perhaps it should be!"
"Please stop shouting." She sighed, closing her eyes to calm herself. It seemed she had been calming herself all day, and the results were becoming lackluster. She felt herself imploding as they spoke."Things will get better."
"You don't think the next step is a group of townspeople coming after me with pitchforks? Or perhaps they'll only throw fruit at me like a bad stage performer…"
"Stop this, please." He pulled her into a hug, whether she wanted to accept or not, and he held her close while she calmed her breathing. "You haven't done anything wrong, and it is unjust and absolutely preposterous that you're being treated this way, I can't deny that. But we just have to wait it out. I'm afraid there's nothing else to do."
"I had to dance around explaining the meaning of the word slut to our seven-year-old daughter." He squeezed tighter, resting his head upon her hair.
"That truly does break my heart. As much as we try to protect them from the world…" He didn't continue, but he didn't have to.
"I don't know what to do, how to make things right again." He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips, and their eyes met. She looked exhausted, weathered even, if he could go so far as to think that. He would certainly never say it aloud!
"We just have to keep going."
"And what if I can't anymore?"
"Then you have me. As isolating and personal as it all feels, I'm here with you always." She sighed, nodding her agreement to end the conversation. There was no need to continue speaking about it, she decided. What else could they do anyway?