He heard her sobs outside the door.

The moment she went to medical checkup it was becoming official.

They had asked Janet and Hammond to keep it private. They had agreed.

After her examination they had given her some sedatives to calm herself. It was a strong drug as normal doses didn't really work on her anymore since her time with Jolinar. She had taken some and then gone to bed.

He had gone with her. He had never left her side. Except for the medical procedure.

In front of her quarters she had asked him to leave her alone. He had only said yes. She had smiled at him with great sadness in her eyes. Jack couldn't really understand what these examinations were like but he could understand she wanted to be alone. The past hours had been hard for her. When he had fetched her from Janet she had advised her to reach out for psychological help.

His 2IC. In need of psychological help.

Jack found no words.

His whole world had shattered.

But to be honest, it had already shattered in this cell.

Now he was sitting on the floor in front of her room. He could still hear herself crying into sleep.

More than once in the past minutes he had wanted to go inside and just stay with her, lulling her into sleep. However he wasn't sure she would want that.

Thus he just kept sitting there. His knees up. His face in his hands. Ready anytime she needed him.

He was mentally tired. So tired.

Half an hour later it was finally quiet. It seems the sedative finally took effect. It had taken long enough.

Still Jack didn't move an inch. He just kept sitting in front of her door. His face still buried in his hands.

It was Teal'c that found him there. He was surprised that Jack was actually awake. He had thought he had been sleeping outside on the cold floor and was just about to bring him back into his own quarters.

"She finally sleeps" Jack said. Teal'c didn't even have to ask the question as it was written all over his face.

The Jaffa just nodded. The awkward silence was getting deafening between them until Teal'c seated himself next to Jack. For several minutes they just sat next to each other, no one saying a word. Both of them were just sitting next to each other, feeling their company.

It was finally Jack who broke the silence.

"I don't know what to say to her" he answered with honesty in his voice. He sounded desperate. "T, what am I supposed to say to her?"

The Jaffa looked at him with a face Jack hadn't seen on him at all. It was a mixture of understanding, sadness, overwhelming and true kindness.

"We shall just be there for her, O'Neill" he simply stated "And we shall wait for her to make the first step. And the words will come from their own."

"But what shall we do till then?"

"My heart is bleeding as much as yours, O'Neill, for Major Carter is like a sister to me." the Jaffa answered wholeheartly "But Major Carter is a strong woman. She will come to us when the time is right. And until then our role is to be ready for her."

Jack was thankful to Teal'c sitting next to him. With sadness their eyes met.

"I will fetch myself something from Fraiser. I can't sleep these days."

With this he stood up and made his way to the infirmary.

Teal'c just remained seated in front of Carter's room.

Again in the last few minutes Jack was very thankful to the stoic Jaffa.

"Doctor."

Janet looked up from her medical files. She was surprised to see the Colonel heading for her.

"How is she?" she asked with worry as she thought it must be about Sam.

"The sedative finally kicked in" Jack answered "She's sleeping."

Janet relaxed noticeable. Jack couldn't even imagine how the whole situation affected the doctor. She and Carter had always been good friends in this male dominant domain. Thus it was no surprise they were basically drawn to each other.

Carter had asked specifically to do the examination. It had been Janet's first. She theoretically knew how it was done but she had never been in such a situation. And having her first done on one of her best friends was a lot to handle.

"Doc, I need something to sleep as well."

Without a word Janet raised and headed for the drug cupboard. She fetched a normal sedative that was a quarter the dose Carter had. She handed it to the Colonel.

"You are all right, Sir?"

A heavy breath was the only answer.

He could see Janet hesitate. But then she spoke with a clear voice, the doctor-mode active. "You see, Colonel, such situation not only affect the victim itself."

Jack knew where this was going. And he knew she was right.

"It also affects the family and friends who are to deal with the victim after the situation." She locked eyes with him. There was a seriousness Jack hadn't seen in a long time. "And the more it affects the people who couldn't help."

Yes.

He couldn't help her back then.

He had only been able to stand by and listen to it happen.

And it was eating him from the inside.

When their eyes met again he saw that Janet knew she had hit the mark.

"May I suggest the whole team to get psychological treatment?"

Under normal circumstances he would have said no immediately. But just for the fact he didn't he knew it was necessary. It really was necessary.

He looked at the Doc. He felt his eyes getting wet.

Yes, it was necessary.

The next day they had all agreed to get at least one session each. At first the boys had even thought about going all together but they quickly decided against it. Jack just wanted to speak alone with he psychiatrist.

As they were treated as an emergency they got their appointments the exact same day. Carter was getting different treatment all around the clock. Still the boys kept her accompany the long she wished for. They took turns. General Hammond had released them all from active duty for the time being. Jack was again very grateful.

As the leader of SG-1 he had insisted to go first. Yet another signal it was really necessary. Daniel and Teal'c hadn't said anything about it and had just agreed.

Jack was now sitting in a surprisingly comfortable arm chair. He felt somewhat nervous. Even though he understood by now it was very much necessary to get psychological help he just wished for it to be over. He had never been a fan of speaking about his inner feelings and tumults with a person he didn't really know. And he wasn't the type of person who was actually good in voicing his problems. Especially if it was about his feelings.

His session was with Dr. MacKenzie, the head psychiatrist of the SGC. Jack didn't really like the man but he did a wonderful job. Thus Jack had trust in his skills.

Their conversation started relatively normal. Nothing about the incident so far. They just talked about normal missions, about the team dynamics, about the relationships between the members. Jack told him about everything and got more and more relaxed while talking. It wasn't as bad as he had thought.

After a few minutes the topic started to shift towards the incident. Jack knew it was bound to happen at some point. But as the CO of SG-1 he had mentally prepared himself for exactly this moment. He knew why he was here. He had chosen why he was here. And he was determined to get rid of this problem. To bring SG-1 back to the point were it was before the incident.

To bring himself back to the point he was at before the incident.

Dr. MacKenzie asked him about the situation. Jack explained it with every detail. The doctor only listened, making notes on his board.

"How did you feel, Colonel?" he finally asked after Jack had finished.

Jack swallowed hard. This was the question he had been most afraid of.

"I wanted to protect her" he finally replied with a shaky voice "I wanted to protect her so badly. I did try it but they weren't listening. When they forced us out and kept her there I just wanted to protect her." He stopped with clearing his throat.

MacKenzie nodded. "This is a very good quality of you, Colonel" he encouraged him to keep going. "This is what you call camaraderie, the will to fight for each other. This is even more. This is some mutual trust you share with your team. Value this, Colonel, for this is a precious thing between you all."

Jack knew the doctor was right. He was so glad to be the leader of such a fantastic team. They of course had their difficulties with each other, but in the end he couldn't wish for better people watching his back.

"When I heard her screams my whole world fell apart. I still hear her screams every time I close my eyes at night." He moved his hand over his face. He wasn't able to look at the psychiatrist anymore. "My mind created this movie of her fighting."

"What does this movie show you?"

Thus Jack described the pictures that haunted him in his sleep every night. MacKenzie only wrote on his board. Jack had to stop a few times in loss of words. He just couldn't bring himself to verbalize all these brutal images his mind had created.

"I wanted to kill them" he finally said. He felt so lost and empty "Doc, I wanted to kill them! I wanted to go berserk and kill them the most brutal way possible. I wanted them to suffer the most painful and slowly death in the world." He swallowed hard. "And we all made it the most painful death for him."

This had it been that had kept him awake all night. His own reaction to the situation. The fact that he hadn't been able to control his feelings as he was supposed to do. He was a highly trained officer that wasn't to give in into his feelings or emotions. And yet he did. The wave of emotions that had hit him that moment and how easy they had swept him away and drowned him triggered a fear in him he wasn't able to control.

"This is a reaction everyone can relate to, Colonel. This is no reaction to be afraid or ashamed of. It actually happens to a lot people with a close relation to the victim. Many patients often describe these feelings weeks after the incident."

Jack was just looking at him with wide eyes seeking for help.

"It is affection, Colonel."

Affection?!

He wasn't supposed to be affectionate about her. He was her CO for god's sake!

As Dr. MacKenzie was a military psychiatrist he knew about the Colonel's inner shock. "You value your team in a way that may be more than what the instructions and rules may say, but this is human. You are still human, Jack. And as a human you care about the people that are close to you. This is human."

Jack's mouth was dry. He didn't know what to say. It seemed to him all words were gone. His brain was nothing but a blank canvas.

Yes, he did care about his team.

He did care about Carter. He did care about Daniel. He did care about Teal'c.

And they all cared for him.

It was human.

And they were all a team. They were all SG-1.

Thanks so much for reading and the feedback! Hope you enjoyed it - feel free to comment!

Part 2 of Series 1 (Sequel): "SGC Mission Report Files 1-2: Send me an Angel"