A/N

Just a reminder that I always write Voight OOC. He is a pretty good guy in all my stories.

I thought this was the last chapter but it got really long, so oopsie! There will be one more chapter after this.

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Previously

A while later, Ethan brought Jay back to his room in a wheelchair. He was leaning forward to save his back some pain but his face was twisted in agony. When he saw the team in his room he tipped his head down in embarrassment. They thought he was going to kill himself.

They all stayed for a moment, Voight and Hailey helping the doctor get Jay back into bed and onto his right side.

Ethan quickly hooked up the morphine pump and silently asked Jay's permission to administer a dose.

Permission granted, the doctor pushed the button on the PCA, then put it in Jay's hand so he could control the meds.

Blinking to stay awake just a little longer, he wanted to take away their fear, "I'm okay guys…"

Seeing that they didn't believe him as far as they could throw him. Jay briefly closed his eyes and when he opened them again made eye contact with his Sergeant.

Whispering, he tried again, "I'm okay now boss…really…" his eyes scanned the room and even though they landed on Voight, his statement was for everyone, "I'll be okay…"

He allowed the meds to take him before he could register any disbelief on their faces. He was tired, soul tired and even though he was afraid of where he would go when he slept, he was in pain and wanted to escape his current reality even if he was risking a return to the desert.

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Later that day

The tightening of the blood pressure cuff woke him with a start, stealing his air as he got his bearings. When his eyes cleared, he found Ethan standing next to him, eyes scanning the monitors before locking on his own.

Before he even caught his breath, Jay rasped out his desperate request, "When can I see Will. Is he okay?"

He looked at his friend's battered face, not surprised by the question, he had been asking it daily, "He finished the peritoneal dialysis this morning…"

Ethan cut Jay off before he could ask again knowing talking hurt his jaw, "He's okay Jay. There won't be any lasting affects. He's just tired."

"Can I see him? Can you take me to him?"

"You didn't do yourself any favors with your jaunt to the roof this morning, so it's a little easier for him to travel."

Nodding, Jay's guilt surged for causing everyone to worry.

"Get some sleep…I'll be back with Will in the morning."

Eyes already half mast, mumbling his thanks to Ethan, he was on the brink of sleep when his thoughts traveled back to the roof and the team believing he wanted to kill himself.

He worked his sore jaw trying to keep the tears at bay. He wiped the few that escaped on his forearm and took a big breath that did nothing but cause him physical pain.

He had been so proud of himself for asking Voight, then Ethan for help when they were on the roof, blooming a little hope in him that they would see him through this.

That little bit of hope lasted until he got back to the room and reality settled back on his shoulders. He had told them he would be okay and a small part of him believed it, but then he fell asleep and went back to the desert and relived every moment of those 24 hours.

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FLASHBACK TO DAY 3 OF JAY'S HOSPITAL STAY

WILL

Until today, Will wasn't well enough to notice his brother hadn't been in to see him and knew Jay would move heaven and earth to be there. That realization spun him out, leaving him with the conclusion Jay wasn't able to move heaven and earth right now because he was hurt or…he had tears in his eyes before he could finish the thought.

"Ethan…"

He could hear the tears in Will's voice before he even saw them trailing down his face.

"…where's my brother…"

Even as drugged up as he was, he could see the hesitation in Ethan and knew whatever it was, it was bad.

"Jay's gunna be okay Will, but he got hurt."

More tears spilled and a sob escaped. When he was able to loosen the knot in his throat, he requested more information…begged for more information.

"What happened?"

Ethan had dreaded this moment. He'd had a conversation with Voight and Daniel on how to approach this, on how much to tell Will. But finally it was decided to tell him everything the team knew. If Will hadn't been poisoned, he would have known everything.

Voight had argued that it was the only positive in the whole shit show, that Will didn't know what happened to his brother and Jay would want to keep it that way.

Ethan and even Dr. Charles agreed with that sentiment, but pointed out withholding from Will would be the more painful choice for both brothers.

This would be a struggle for Jay, Will would undoubtedly find out about the injuries, either seeing them himself or through hospital gossip. Many people knew and loved the brothers Halstead, but there were more in the hospital that didn't know them and the story was too juicy not to spread. They couldn't have Will find out that way…

And more importantly from Dr. Charles and especially Ethan's point of view, Jay would need his support, not a barrage of questions from a panicked brother.

So the decision was made to tell Will when he was well enough to ask.

Pulling a chair closer to his friends bed, he put the rail down, not wanting a barrier between them and sat. He took a moment to gather his thoughts, not knowing where to begin, then realized Will might already know what happened in Afghanistan.

"What happened had something to do with when he was overseas. How much do you know about his time there?"

"Nothing really…no specifics. I just knew it was brutal. Mouse mentioned the humvee accident…the IED. I knew they were both injured and they lost the rest of the unit, but that's all I really know."

Ethan blew out a breath, hopes dashed that Will already knew what happened.

"Okay…this was something else…"

Will was still weak from the attempt on his life, Ethan could hear it in his voice, causing him to second guess the decision to tell him right now. He knew Will was far from 100% and that would make an already terrible conversation even more emotional.

With impeccable timing, Voight walked in and took a seat. He had decided not to let Ethan go it alone, it would be a hard story for the doctor to tell.

Seeing Voight, Will's breath hitched, "Jay?"

"He's sleeping kid. Hailey's with him."

Pained he couldn't be with his brother, Will nodded and turned back to his friend, fear sending a tremble through his body, "Ethan…"

He took a big breath and steeled himself to say it out loud, grateful Voight was there as back up.

"During his last tour, Jay and his unit were on an op, 'Watchdog,' they were doing recon, hence the name. It was a set up…Jay and a rookie member of his unit were taken by the Taliban."

Will looked at Ethan and as terrible as he felt and as muddled as he was, he knew what was coming and didn't want to believe it…no they were mistaken…he would know if…somehow he would know. Jay was his brother. How could he not know?

He weakly shook his head, "No…mmh mm…no…" he closed his eyes pushing out anguished tears.

When he opened them again, they were begging Ethan to take it back but Ethan confirmed them with the tears flooding his own eyes.

Voight jumped in then, knowing Ethan wouldn't be able to talk at the moment, he was on the verge of a breakdown himself. He already went through this once with Jay…he was in his own hell.

"Will, the rookie died in captivity and Jay was hurt pretty bad…"

He squeaked out the words through a reined in sob, "they tortured him…what …how long…I don't understand…"

Gathering their thoughts, neither the doctor or the sergeant answer immediately, so Will asked again in a whisper soaked with trepidation

"Tell me…"

Voight answered, needing to get straight to the point and combine the now and the then, "The kid that died…his brother and cousin got a hold of the AAR and killed all of Jay's unit within the last six weeks…they came after Jay last…got a hold of him and did to Jay what the Taliban did to him in Afghanistan."

A thought immediately flooded in and his heart broke…shattered for his brother, "Mouse?"

"He's okay. He wasn't on the op."

Breathing out a sigh of relief that Mouse was okay, that minute distraction was over and he was once again stuck on the fact Jay had been a POW and was tortured.

Will was sobbing before any pertinent details of Jay's injuries could even be given. His imagination had taken over. He sobbed for 15 minutes before finally passing out, exhaustion and the emotional upheaval doing a number on him.

45 minutes later Will woke ready to ask when the peritoneal dialysis would end like he did every time he would woke up but was immediately bulldozed by thoughts of his little brother.

Tears filled his eyes and his breath hitched before Will choked out, "What happened…now…then…what happened?"

Voight was blunt, there was no sense in sugar coating shit, it wouldn't go down any easier.

"The Turners beat him, cut him, shocked him with a cattle prod, tased him, broke his fingers…"

Voight took a breath and coughed out the hairball of Jay's injuries, "Will…the Turners had him tied to a pallet wrapped in barbed wire…tied him to it with more barbed wire…his back is pretty cut up…"

Will had been bawling since the start of the laundry list of Jays torture but the last broke him. He was inconsolable and covered his face with the blankets, wiping the never ending flow of tears and snot…it was too much…his baby brother…

"No no no no…Ethan…"

Wanting it to be a mistake, a cruel joke, a nightmare, Will's face buckled under the weight of his agony as he looked to his friend then Voight.

"Voi…Voight…"

His voice was thick with guilt, "I'm sorry kid…I wish I could have protected him…tried…they got him anyway."

Will nodded into the blanket as he wiped his face again, wanting to pull it together to ask for the prognosis, but Ethan answered his thought before it needed it to be asked out loud.

"Prognosis is good Will. Like I told you, Jay'll be okay. We took him into surgery immediately. Carson took care of him. His back will have minimal scarring.

"No structural damage to his wrists and ankles, grade one concussion, contusions…he'll be okay."

Will isn't able to raise his voice above a whisper, voice raw from bawling, "Emotionally?"

Ethan took in a breath and released it in an anguished sigh, "It'll take him a while there…he'll need our help."

"I wanna see him."

"You can't yet Will, you're hooked up…"

"I don't care, unhook me!"

…you're still hooked up to dialysis and will be for a couple of days."

"I don't fucking care! I wanna see my brother…" he started bawling again in earnest, "I wanna see my brother, Ethan…"

Voight stepped forward and put his hand on Wills arm.

"Will, you know Jay…you know how his mind works…He's gunna blame himself for you getting hurt. You have to finish your treatment. If anything else happened to you…he's not doing too good mentally…it would kill him. You know that…you need to get better."

Knowing Voight was right, Will gave up to the idea of seeing Jay right away but Voight's voice cracked when he said 'mentally' and the tears dripping down Ethan face scared him.

"What…there's something else…"

Ethan wiped his tears and let Will in on what they would be dealing with, "Part of Jay's torture, what happened in Afghanistan…he was forced to watch his rookie tortured until he died. What the Turner's did ripped that scar wide open."

With this new information, Will desperately needed to be by Jay's side, "I…I, please Ethan…I need to see him…please…"

"I know it's a lot Will…couple of days and I'll take you to him…we can't risk your heath…couple more days, you should be done by then."

Will didn't say anything further. He knew they were right, but that didn't make him feel any better, so he rolled over and ignored them, spinning on what his little brother went through until he fell into an uneasy sleep.

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The present - day 6 of Jay's hospital stay

Jay was laying on his side facing the door, slow blinking and trying to stay awake knowing Ethan went to get Will. His eyes had just slipped shut when slow footsteps had them jerking open again.

As soon as Jay saw his brother backlit by the florescent lights in the hall and moving slowly toward him, his face twisted in guilt. Will was so pale and looked just this side of dead.

Jay's eyes filled with tears and his split lip quivered, the wind up before he sobbed out his apology, "I'm…mm…so sor…sorry…Will…"

Moving as fast as he could, Will sat on the edge of Jay's bed. It broke his heart that his little brother was blaming himself for what had happened. Foreheads touching, Will put his left hand on the side of Jay's neck, using the other to keep himself steady.

"It's not your fault Jay. It's not. I'm okay…"

Continuing to cry, Jay didn't say anything but rolled onto his back with a groan, trying to get away from his brother's undeserved forgiveness…

…but Will was having none of it. Still bracing himself to keep his weak body from falling off the bed, he wrapped his left arm lightly across Jay's chest and put his hand on his cheek. He wouldn't let his brother reject him out of his guilt. Touching his forehead to Jays again, he begged him to believe it wasn't his fault.

Jay weakly grabbed his brothers hoody returning the hug. He needed his brother even though he didn't deserve him. Shifting his head so his face was buried into the side of his Will's neck, he continued to cry until they had no choice but to sedate him so they could roll him back onto his side.

Ethan wiped his eyes as he checked Jay's vitals. His friend would have a lot to work through and it would be a hard road. Physical injuries aside, Jay's guilt over what happened to Will piled on top of what happened to Jackson made the mountain he would have to climb almost insurmountable and he feared, even with their help, Jay wouldn't make it .

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Thanks for reading peeps and your patience as I slooooooowwwwwly post these chapters. I appreciate your kudos, comments and reviews. You guys are the bombdiggity! One chapter to go!