Author's note:

It's been awhile since I updated, even though I had this chapter written in a form similar to the current one for some time. That being said, this chapter-as the preview in the last one indicates-is rather the culmination of a plot/theme that I have covered in my increasingly mammoth-sized fic. (If I were ever to go back, I'd remove a lot of the beginning bits with the Dursleys, but I would rather devote my time and energy towards moving onwards and not backwards.) Specifically, I want Sirius and Remus to SEE "Snape's Worst Memory" through their adult eyes, since neither remembered the event (or seemed to remember it) when Harry recounted it in his fifth year. While an appropriate punishment for what everyone did would have been worse than expulsion, they are now adults and can hardly be sent to Azkaban. However, they can experience it and try to make amends, which is far more than what happened in canon. The benefit of fanfic? If you don't like the way something an author did, you can write your own version. Without further ado...

The rest of Harry's first week back felt as long as the first day. Perhaps, it was even longer than his first week as a fifth year, and that had been when he'd been up until all hours writing with the blood quill. The one consolation, as he plowed through his lessons, was that Harry knew he had caught up to where he should be. The trouble, he knew, was that it was the time of the year where even Hermione, who had made it a habit to memorize her course books since before her first year, felt anxious about the upcoming exams.

The fifth and seventh years had it worst of all. Ginny, like many of the fifth years, could hardly be seen without her head in a textbook. She often had a quill between her teeth, which resulted in bits of ink along her freckled nose. She must have caught on, because after the third day of this, Harry saw her wiping her nose with a handkerchief.

"She was up until after two studying in the common room," Hermione told Harry, catching his glance in her direction as he watched her clean off her nose.

He winced, recalling the late nights of studying before his OWLs, and the unbearable year overall. End of term exams would be easy by comparison.

"How's she managing?" he asked.

"It's her OWL year. How do you expect?" Ron answered, practically. "Mind, she'd got it easier than the rest of us. Only girl and all that. Notice how she didn't become a Prefect, did she? Well, Mum still bought her a Pygmy Puff."

"Pygmy Puffs are loads cheaper than new dress robes or owls, aren't they?" Hermione asked.

Ron shrugged. "Dad's making more money than he ever did before, but pets are usually handed down or earned for really big things, like becoming a Prefect or a Head Boy. Mum and Dad were proud of my seven OWLs, sure, but they didn't offer me anything in exchange for them. Not that I expected it."

"Good marks are their own reward, Ron!" Hermione lightly reprimanded them.

"Sure, and you can't become an Auror with failing ones," he put in.

On Friday after the conclusion of lessons, Harry mentioned to Ron and Hermione that he was going to spend the weekend nights (and most of the day) at Sirius', and they didn't seem at all surprised or disappointed.

"You must get a lot done without all the distractions!" Hermione enthused, glancing around at the mostly quiet common room on Friday afternoon.

"And no Prefect duties to perform," Ron added, a bit glumly. "Reckon it's died down a bit in the last couple of weeks. Only a few tears, and they're mostly from first years worrying about failing their exams."

"I take it you didn't let Hermione handle them?" Harry asked, grinning.

Hermione lightly huffed as Ron answered with a grin.

"I told them to study but not to worry so much about doing well on everything. That they only really need to worry during their OWL year, and that's a ways off. They were much happier after we spoke," he concluded.

"Yes, and when they get Howlers for barely passing, I suppose you'll deal with that as well!" Hermione retorted.

Ron shrugged. "They don't get the results until the final day. Bit late for a Howler."

But he winked at Harry.

Harry noticed that, even though his best friends were dating, they still argued as much as ever. He reckoned that was just never going to change.

He was surprised when he entered Sirius' quarters that evening and saw his pensieve in the middle of the sitting room. Not that he didn't want to experience more memories firsthand, but he did wondered how it had arrived.

Loads of owls, probably.

Sirius, upon seeing Harry, greeted him with his usual bear hug, and this one seemed to last especially long.

"Hey, pup," he murmured, after finally releasing him. "Been ages, hasn't it?"

Harry chuckled. "I did just see you yesterday," Harry reminded him, placing his books on the table, but he was smiling.

"Sure, and we talked for about five minutes. You spent the rest of the time studying," Sirius retorted. "I reckon you still have studying to do? You haven't memorized the course books by now?"

Harry sighed. "Hermione's the one who does that. Yeah, I still have a lot of studying left. Mostly Charms and Transfiguration, though. I reckon I've got a good handle on everything else."

"Well," Sirius began, "I thought we might take a trip to Hogsmeade tomorrow. Just for a few hours, mind," he added, before Harry could protest about losing a day of studying. "Good chance to clear your mind, get in a good break, and get out of the castle for a bit," Sirius enthused. "Besides, our chocolate supply is getting low, and it's always fun to see what new products are in."

The offer was tempting enough to give it some serious consideration. "How about we see where I am around lunchtime?"

Sirius tousled his hair and they took a seat next to each other on the couch. "Sure. Now," he added, his voice taking on a more serious tone, "you might have noticed the pensieve."

"I did notice it, yes."

"It's not quite what you think. Well, of course, I want to continue to share memories with you," Sirius added, hurriedly, "but, if you're willing, there's a memory that I would like to see. It's not one of yours, strictly speaking, but one that you saw. Er, from your fifth year."

Harry felt himself not quite able to breathe as well as he would have liked, and Sirius's hands were immediately on his back, making small circles.

"Shh, it's okay. In, out. In, out," Sirius coached, his voice gentle.

Harry obeyed, or tried to, and felt his lungs fill again.

"Pup?" Sirius asked, when Harry had himself under control.

"I-I really don't want to live through that again," Harry murmured.

It had been bad enough in his memory. Worse in his dreams. Talking with Sirius about it those couple of times had helped, and so had seeing memories of his dad and Sirius as decent people. All the same, he would rather have gone through another round of the potion that removed Malfoy's Cruciatus curse than watch the events play out so...vividly.

Sirius had both arms around him then, and Harry realized that his face was damp. Embarrassed, even though he knew he shouldn't be, he wiped at it. Sirius released one hand to finish the job, and Harry felt rather like a five year old with decent parents who had scraped His knee or something.

After a moment or so of this, Sirius spoke again. "Pup. I should have explained better. You don't need to...experience...the memory to let me see it. You certainly don't need to watch it with me, or with Remus," he added, a bit belatedly. "You just picture a part of it in your mind, give it a label, and then you or I can transfer it to the Pensieve. Remus and I can watch it without you. And we can see what to do next."

"What to do next?" Harry echoed, blankly.

Sirius took a deep breath, then let it out. "I reached out to Snape after the Ministry fiasco last year, remember?" At Harry's nod, he continued, "Partly to thank him, and partly to apologize for what we had done, because I told him that we had talked. The thing is, pup, I have no recollection of what happened. Remus has a rather vague memory of the exam itself, but nothing involving Snape. So, I reckon, I should see what you saw. You understand? To know what to do next."

Harry nodded a bit, briefly wondering how Snape would react to his sharing his personal memory, but, well, they hadn't just been there, they'd caused it. If Malfoy came about a memory of Harry Hunting that he had forgotten, and told his son later on who had seen the whole thing...

Harry's head began to hurt. What it came down to was intent. That, and he didn't think that Snape would kill him (or even, maybe, mind all that much) if Sirius wanted to see what had happened to reach out.

Not that they would ever be friends, but if Dudley apologized, or Malfoy, and really meant it, knowing what he had done...well, Harry would hear them out.

"Okay," he finally said. "I'll let you have the memory."

It wasn't hard to extract a memory. All Harry had to do was hold the briefest image in his mind for a moment, and then it was out of his head and in the pensieve. He could recall what had happened, if he thought long enough, but there were no details.

He almost wished it could stay like that. That he could destroy the memory by burning it, or something.

Sirius floo-called Remus, and the marauder arrived by the fireplace a few moments later. Harry noticed that his dad's other best living friend (Wormtail didn't count) looked much better than usual. While his hair hadn't become any less grey over the past few months, Remus didn't look nearly as pale or tired as his "norm."

Of course, Harry realized, it was early June and the last full moon had been almost two weeks ago, whereas the last time Harry had seen him was during the Christmas holidays. That month's full moon had been on Christmas Eve, but Sirius's modification of the Wolfsbane Potion meant a lot less physical pain than usual.

Was Remus starting to recover his health as a result?

After a quick hug and a hand on the shoulder, as well as a bit of small talk and checking in about Harry's health, Harry excused himself to work on studying for Transfiguration.

"Just so you know, it ends abruptly," he remembered to tell them. "Snape came back then, and pulled my head out."

This meant that he might not have seen the worst of what had happened, although Sirius had been resolute that summer by his insistence that if they had removed Snape's "pants" to the entire school, he would have remembered it.

Harry hoped so, yet his godfather hadn't remembered the rest, so how could he have been sure that he hadn't removed that last, small shred of dignity from the professor Harry once hated?

It was not nearly impossible to focus on his studying, and when Sirius came to get him, he was almost relieved.

The two men wore similar expressions of disbelief as Harry took a seat next to Sirius, who immediately put an arm around his shoulder.

"I-that was far worse than I had expected, based on your account," Sirius began, voice raspy. "I suppose I rather thought that he had been wearing those long shorts underwear. Our robes are rather wide and could have covered some of it if Black had been trying..." Sirius trailed off. "He looked so desperate, Remus. Did you see his face when James disarmed him?"

"He looked like he'd been expecting to be attacked," Harry put in. "Like he'd been waiting for it, dreading it."

"I couldn't believe that James would have-have choked him like that. It wasn't a particular strong curse, it must have worn off in a couple of minutes, but..." Remus shuddered. "That poor boy."

"Showing his underwear to the school was just the tip of the iceberg, wasn't it?" Sirius murmured, removing one hand to cover his face. "Great Merlin. I knew we could be prats, but I wouldn't have believed we could be that cruel."

"Lily didn't come off much better," Remus noted, after a moment.

"How do you mean?" Harry asked, almost angry. "She tried to make Dad back off!"

But Remus shook his head. "She was a remarkable witch, even back then. Not only was she one of the few students that year to receive an Outstanding in her Defense OWL, which is a rare achievement, we had come from the theory exam. Defense was on all of our minds. Had she wanted to stop your father, she would have used more than words," he explained, gently yet truthfully. "Merlin, she could have simply jinxed Sirius and made James lose his focus. Snape would have fallen, then, which would have stung but..."

Sirius disagreed. "Maybe. But, Mooney, she was a Prefect, and perhaps she felt that she couldn't do much of a physical nature without resulting in more alteration. The rules back then were a bit vague. She raised her wand at James, but I rather believe it was for show. Not that she wasn't furious, but I believe she wanted James to be the one to stop."

"Didn't work, though. When Snape used that word..." Harry trailed off.

"It's a foul term, to be sure, and I don't excuse Snape from using it. Especially since Lily was his friend at the time," Remus agreed. "I would have thought, though, that Lily wouldn't have used that as an excuse to walk away."

Sirius nodded. "They weren't friends after that day, either."

There wasn't much left to discuss. Wormtail had been an eager watcher, Remus a coward, Sirius the one who brought the whole thing about "I'm bored", and James the torturer. And while Harry hadn't relived the memory with Sirius and Remus, he had replayed it so often in his mind those first days, had enough nightmares, that he might as well have watched it again.

Well, perhaps.

"What happens next?" Harry asked, a bit shakily.

He certainly didn't want to broach the topic with Snape, or be there when they did. Of course, there were a lot of dangerous things Harry hadn't wanted to do, but got through them. Anyway, no one might want him there.

Maybe.

"We contact him. Invite him over, and let him know what we saw and how awful we were and try to move on." Sirius sighed. "We are on the same side as far as defeating Voldemort, and yet, I don't reckon we will ever be friends. The most we can hope for is some kind of understanding, letting the past be the past..."

"Asking for forgiveness," Remus supplied, and Sirius nodded.

"Yeah. That. Never been good at that, I reckon. Well, except with you all." He turned to Harry. "And you, pup. Not that it's happened that much, but I hated myself when I told you that you were less like James than I thought."

Harry recalled that, and how it had stung afterwards. During Christmas of that year, Sirius had asked to speak to him. He'd apologized, calling himself a lot of colorful insults, and reassured Harry that he had been right to say no to meeting at Hogsmeade.

That had been when they expressed affection with Sirius putting a hand on Harry's shoulder, and when Sirius had done that, well, it might as well have been a bear hug at the time.

"I told you I forgave you for that comment about me not being like my dad," Harry murmured. "But if there's a next time, I will expect a proper hug."

Sirius grinned. "If I am enough of a prat to say something that insensitive again, you'll get a lot more than that."

Harry rested his head against Sirius's shoulders. "I should hope so, as you give me more than that almost every day."

Sirius tousled his hair. "Only because you won't let me every day."

Remus watched the two of them before Sirius included them in the hug, and they stayed that way for awhile. Then, it was getting to be time for dinner, and Sirius suggested he stay the night.

"We never use the second room," Sirius said, and Harry nodded.

Remus agreed. "If Severus agrees to see us this weekend, it will save me an extra trip. Much like Harry, I prefer broomsticks to floo powder."

"Then, it's decided. You'll take the room that was intended for Harry but he never uses because he's my pup-" Harry let out an exaggerated, put upon sigh. "-And it has its own bathroom, too, and we'll stay in my room."

Remus chuckled. "Ever imagine what it would have been like growing up with him?"

"I reckon I would have thought that all kids shared a bed with their parents until I went away to school," Harry answered, letting himself rest against Sirius.

"Well, now, it's only in certain parts of the world that children and parents sleep apart. And, if you're of the Most Noble and Ancient house of Black, you don't just get your own room, but suite of rooms-"

"-Complete with multiple toilets and sinks," Harry interrupted, as Sirius began to play with his hair.

"Naturally," Sirius chuckled. "Pup did bring up a good point that we incorporated muggle technology with plumbing, Remus."

"I expect they would claim that it was a spell discovered by us and stolen by them," Remus said, looking at Harry and Remus fondly.

"That is something my family would say," Sirius agreed. "Shall we have dinner, or relax a bit more?"

"Relax a bit," Harry answered.

Merlin knew they needed it.

"Very well. Remus? Scoot yourself over," Sirius instructed.

Harry felt Remus move a foot or so over, and Sirius shift slightly as Remus's arms wrapped around him. It made for a very cozy picture, and Harry adjusted his robes as he lifted his feet onto the couch.

"We should tell Harry about the time we had Christmas at James' house," Remus murmured.

"Third year, wasn't it?"

"Second. Third year was at school, I believe."

"You start it, then," Sirius instructed.

"Anyway," Remus began, and Harry felt him glance over, "James neglected to tell us that five in the morning was a perfectly respectable time for launching a snowball attack on his best friends so they would wake up and open presents..."

"And we had stayed up past midnight the night before," Sirius added, helpfully, as he moved his hands down from Harry's scalp to his neck.

"I suppose my dad was the reason you stayed up so late?" Harry asked, eyes closed.

"Yes, he was the one behind that," Remus confirmed, with a laugh.

After a restorative dinner and an equally good hot bath, Sirius asked Harry if he would mind if Remus joined them at Hogsmeade the next day.

"If we go, of course. And if we don't talk to Snape before," Sirius clarified as he wrapped Harry in his arms.

"I don't mind at all," Harry assured him. "We'll get chocolate for him?"

"Of course. Wouldn't dream of leaving Honeydukes without spending at least a hundred galleons on candy for him," Sirius reassured him.

It was an exaggeration, but showed how much he cared about his friend. Remus hadn't managed to get a job that paid since leaving Hogwarts, and he felt self conscious about staying in Grimmauld Place. This was nonsense, since Sirius loved his company, and certainly didn't want his friend homeless or starving because of Umbridge regulations that made it all but impossible to work.

Harry thought, rather angrily, that she'd probably never gone without a meal a day in her life.

Snape arrived after breakfast the following morning. Harry was glad he had put on a pair of casual robes instead of eating in his pajamas. Remus and Sirius had also dressed.

"Snape. Please come in," Sirius said, holding the door open and standing aside.

Snape, dressed in his usual black robes, gave Sirius a faint nod before turning his attention to Harry.

"Potter. You have not experienced any worsening of symptoms?" he asked, looking him over carefully.

Harry felt his eyebrows raise on their own. "No, sir."

Snape looked disconcerted as his own eyebrows raised ever so slightly.

"Then why, pray tell, do you need me?"

"I apologize for the vagueness of my patronus, Severus," Remus spoke up, joining Harry and Sirius. With a look at Sirius, who nodded, he gestured to the sitting room. "Please, let's all sit down."

Harry gave Snape credit for not leaving the room immediately. Instead, he moved to the sitting area, and Sirius closed the door.

There was a tense silence as they all sat down in a circle, staring at each other, and even though Harry would have liked Sirius to place an arm around him or a hand on his shoulder, he was relieved when he didn't.

"May I, Sirius? Explain?" he asked.

"You're the best to do it," Sirius answered, a bit tensely.

"Last year, when you were teaching Occlumency, Harry came across-"

"Intruded," Harry broke in. "Violated. I won't make light of what I did, Remus."

The darkening of Snape's face as he must have realized where the conversation was headed was changed into...something else. Not anger. Surprise, maybe.

Remus inclined his head at Harry. "Harry intruded upon the Pensieve that you had placed various memories inside after you had cancelled the class and left the room."

"I remember," said Snape coldly. "Although I don't know the extent to which of what he saw after his father's assault after the examination."

Assault. The image brought violent images to mind. Muggle news programs, police shows. Rape, murder, broken bones at a minimum. What James had done hadn't quite been rape, but it was certainly sexual assault. Teenagers did not show other teenagers underwear, maybe worse, to the school. Snape could have broken bones, even snapped his neck, being in the air and falling abruptly. At least once. Then, there was the choking with soap...

Yes. It had been assault.

Harry's only respite was that the wizarding world took a far more liberal view on attacking fellow witches and wizards than the muggle one. A stunt like that at a secondary school could have landed James in juvenile detention. Maybe even the possibly fabricated Saint Brutus's detention center. In the wizarding world, at a school? Well, going by Malfoy's likely punishment for using an Unforgivable (which was worse, but not by THAT much more), a handful of detentions and no shot at the Cup.

Maybe a Howler from your parents.

Harry forced himself to pay attention, only to realize everyone was staring at him.

"I said, Potter, that I did not know the extent to which you saw into that incident," Snape repeated, with exaggerated slowness.

Oh. Right.

"My mum just left. And my dad asked who wanted to see him take off your...pants," Harry answered, his voice barely louder than a whisper.

Snape's features softened. Slightly.

Well, maybe. Harry certainly wasn't an expert on reading his professor's facial expressions.

"A Ravenclaw Prefect prevented that from occurring. He put me upright, and yelled at everyone to disperse." After a pause, Snape added, "He then escorted me to the hospital wing because I had suffered a badly broken leg from the fall. For which he apologized profusely."

Harry let out a breath. Okay, that was good. Well, not good, and maybe his dad would have gone through with it, but at least it hadn't happened. Snape had been assaulted, choked, humiliated, had his underwear shown to possibly half the school... but not what was underneath.

He had maintained a small shred of dignity.

"Not that it made what my dad did to you, or threatened to do later, even the least bit okay," Harry said, in a more normal voice.

Snape inclined his head in response.

"Harry told us about what he saw a few weeks afterwards," Sirius explained, "but neither of us remembered what had happened. We...pretty much told him we were prats and he should not judge his father based on that incident-that memory, rather, alone." At Snape's noncommittal noise that might have either been an acknowledgement or a suppressed snort, Sirius continued. "He had some nightmares over the summer and I tried to do what I could to comfort him. Borrowed Dumbledore's Pensieve to show him other memories of his father and of us. After Malfoy's attack, I talked to Remus and we thought we should see the memory and decide where to go from there."

Harry half expected Snape to...storm out, maybe. Hex them all into oblivion. Raise his voice, at the very least.

He smiled.

"And you saw most of what had transpired?" he asked, as calmly as though discussing the fact that it was a sunny day outside.

"Yeah, and prat doesn't even begin to describe how we acted." Sirius looked ashen faced, and Harry was vaguely reminded of his godfather upon first seeing him.

"We know that, short of going back in time, there's no way of making amends, Severus," Remus put in. "But we are truly, truly sorry."

Sirius nodded. "Add another ten 'truly's in there."

Snape gave the slightest nod. His face looked masked. No, it was masked.

"Very well. I accept your apologies," he said, as though describing a Potions process. "Is that all?"

The two adults exchanged glances.

"Really. We are very remorseful," Sirius added.

"And I am really sorry for looking at it," Harry put in, because it occurred to him that he hadn't apologized before. "It was private and I intruded where I shouldn't."

Snape nodded. "As I said, I accept your apologies. All of them," he added, looking at Harry. "Now, I have exams to begin writing. Including a particularly nasty Defense one for Harry's year. I expect very few people to come close to passing, with the possible exceptions of the Chosen One and his friend the Know it All. Now, if you will excuse me..."

He abruptly vacated his seat and practically forced the door open before nearly running from the room.

Harry studied the expressions of his guardian and Remus. Sirius looked a bit shocked, and Remus rather resigned.

"Well, he did accept our apologies, but I imagine that bringing up what happened to him also resulted in some pain," Sirius stated, moving closer to Harry, who shifted closer to Sirius.

"Yeah, I reckon we did the right thing, and he sees that, even if it hurts," he agreed.

"He's an excellent Occlumens," Remus pointed out, moving closer to Sirius. "I expect he became that way by pushing aside his emotions."

"At least, in certain circumstances," Harry said, rather quietly.

The Potions master was hardly a robot, after all.

"Yes," Sirius agreed.

They were quiet for awhile, until their growling stomachs reminded them it was past time to eat lunch.

Harry excused himself afterwards to study, and no one mentioned taking a trip to Hogsmeade that day.

Author's note:

Well, that's the conclusion to that plot point...and it may have some unexpected consequences later on. Is that vague enough for you?

Next up: Exams. Probably.

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