(Awkwardness)
Fallible as it might have been proven, the city's infrastructure was nonetheless advanced enough that all facilities were up and running by the next day. If the Commander and the Vice commander had concluded anything regarding the possible saboteur, they had yet to tell me about it.
Class was able to take place as scheduled, as if the city-wide blackout had never taken place.
This time, most of the damage had been confined to NERV HQ itself.
On the surface, only the main shaft's covering had seen damage, having been melted through by the angel's attack.
As all cameras were online, we had no footage of Matriel's mode of attack, but some witnesses described that it had shed acid from the great eye on xir belly, excreting the acid almost as if it were xier tears.
Maybe xir was crying much as a human might, seeing with xier many eyes in our civilization and all our feeble ecosystems clinging to life nothing but the ruin, wrack and defilement of what should have been the world of xier kind.
Now xir too was slain, and I was left wondering if Dr. Akagi's theory about collective memory meant that xier siblings might be capable of mourning xem in some way.
Who knows if they even experience grief, given how their concept of individuality might differ.
If they did, their grief might be much deeper than ours, seeing as they are bearers of the fruit of life, capable of living forever – with each one that we slay, we cut short what could otherwise have been an infinite life.
Then again, the scenario being as it is, it might well be that none of them truly had a chance to begin with – in this, we would have been alike.
Either way, what remained of Matriel on the surface was little more than a lumpy liquid puddle where xier legs used to be – all of it was cleared away by the time I took the tram back home from school.
The repairs to NERV headquarters and the investigation of the blackout would take a little longer, but soon enough, life in the city would go on as if Matriel had never existed.
The first few angels had each left a terrifying trace in memory, but by now, we had dispatched so many that the battles seemed to blur together.
Even I, who had little else to do, didn't think that I could manage to retain every paltry detail that I heard or witnessed about each of their unique existences, each of them a branch of life cut short, a possible kind of life that could have covered the planet with a great multitude in its own right.
Their erasure was becoming banal, even incidental, and at the same, an uneasy false security, if they were in fact learning.
There was no telling what kind of challenge we might be met with when the next angel arrived, or if some kind of tipping point might be reached beyond which their strategies might change to something much more difficult.
But be that as it may, that day was not come yet.
The sun kept shining through the classroom windows as if nothing was changed at all.
And so it came that, just as I was packing to leave come the end of the last period, I found a visitor waiting by my desk.
Now it was not altogether unprecedented for Horaki-san to come by my seat on some errand or inquiry, but today's errand would prove rather unrelated to her duties as class representative.
"Uhm, excuse me, Ayanami-san?"
I continued placing my scarce belongings back into my bag.
"Yes? Do you need anything?"
"Nothing in particular. Actually, I've sort of got a message for you."
"If this is about another school activity, then I do not wish to participate."
She appeared to be stifling some nervous giggles, for some reason.
"Oh no, actually, it's nothing to do with school. Asuka-san asked me to tell you that there's going to be a party tomorrow at her and Ikari-kun's place. Looks like Captain Katsuragi is being promoted to Major."
I had been informed of this by Dr. Akagi already, so I had no commentary to make.
Having been expecting a reply somehow, Horaki-san saw it fit to elaborate: "I'm going to be there, too. So I wanted to ask you what kind of gift you'll be bringing for the Major, so we don't both buy the same thing."
"I do not think I will be attending, actually."
"Oh…" noted Horaki-san. I think she might have been a little irritated. "So I take it you're busy that day?"
"Not particularly."
"So then you have another reason why you can't come?"
"No. But there is no reason for me to come, either."
"There is! For example… Asuka-san and the others would probably be glad."
I could not fault her for having a positive view of her friend – from what I'd read in books, most people did. But still I found that hard to believe.
"...why would you think that? Considering how often the Second Child expresses that she finds my person greatly unpleasant, all evidence seems to indicate that she is only inviting me out of obligation. To be honest, it surprises me that she did as much."
Horaki-san seemed vexed enough to hear this that she must have been well aware and rather conflicted about the truth behind it, and yet she made a point to disagree:
"That's not true! Asuka-san doesn't hate you! She just finds you a bit difficult to understand is all. Please don't take this the wrong way, but if I'm honest, I think she finds you a little bit unapproachable or intimidating."
...me?
"I do not see how that could be. I am shorter in stature, lesser in athletic prowess, lower in performance as a pilot, and I have far less influence or social capital in this class. If any of us were to be described as 'intimidating' would it not be the Second Child?"
"I wonder…" Horaki-san appeared to be searching for the right words, or perhaps ordering her thoughts – "The thing is, sociable people are sometimes intimidated by unsociable people."
This was not something I had heard of before.
"How so?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, uh, that's because, normally, they'd be used to being able to charm everyone, or at least guess what they're thinking or feeling, what they want – so if there's someone that this doesn't really work with, or that they can't really get a read on, they can be stumped, or not know how to act around you….
I know that Asuka-san hasn't exactly been her best self around you, but I think that's just cause she doesn't know what to do. Actually she's been asking around, wanting to know what kind of person you are, but I couldn't really give her the sort of answer that she wanted, and it seems neither could Major Katsuragi or Ikari-kun… That's kind of why she sent me, too, instead of telling you in person."
Does she need to know everything about me, then?
Are not at very least my thoughts and my heart my own business, when everything else that I have is not really mine, even down to my very face?
Why does she need my blood – that is, to hear my suffering, before she will believe that it is here?
If that's what it would take to be accepted by her, I did not think that this sounded too appealing.
Why did she even want to know?
So that she could reassure her that deep down, I am just like her?
Well, I might not be. That is simply a truth. It is simply a difference, without labeling either side as better or inferior. If she needs me to be like her before she will let me be, then she never will.
All she had done since we met was either to make presumptions about me, or take offense at me simply for my way of being.
I did not resent the Second Child, not really – she, too, is simply being what she is.
But I did think that the two of us would be unfriends forever – we seemed to chafe against each other too much just in our ways of being. I appreciated Horaki-san's thought, and I saw how having good will towards both of us might cause her to wish we might get along, but in the end, not every given pair of people could be compatible with each other, at least not without so much strain that little room would be left for benefits.
There were billions of people in the world – not all of them would be friends or like each other – why would one even expect that?
I thought the best I could do was to keep my distance, to avoid imposing with my unwanted presence.
Besides, I didn't really see the appeal of that kind of celebration.
What would they do? Eat foods I would not enjoy and play games I was unfamiliar with?
Just sit around a table and say words?
It was really just sitting in a room, which I could do by myself.
Still, even so, it would have never occurred to me that the Second Child could be the one who feels intimidated or insecure around me of all people.
When you think about it, it is kind of sad that we could understand each other so little, both feeling scorned by someone who is simply
It would certainly explain why her theories about what she thought my attitude to be kept changing all the time – throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks, perhaps?
If that's how it was, I certainly didn't relish the thought of causing her further discomfort.
"I think it will be for the best for everyone involved if I don't come. I don't really enjoy parties to begin with."
"Oh… uh… it doesn't have to be a party, though. Maybe you could just… come and go to town with us. Just to have fun, or to get to know each other better….
I know! I always see you wearing your uniform everywhere, even outside of school… maybe we could go shopping together and buy you some nice clothes?"
"There is no need for that."
"We can also do it without Asuka-san at first, if you're not comfortable having her around… - We don't even have to do anything in particular – if you ever just want to hang, you can just let me know. I know some really nice shops in the old town where they have some dresses that might look really cute on you, I think..."
"It is fine. I simply do not require additional clothes."
"Oh… alright then… have a nice day then, okay? Bye…"
I'm not certain, but I think I might have made her upset somehow.
If I did, it was not my intention.
Between the 4th rebuild and Eva Battlefields game, I've come to realize that Rei & Hikari friendship content was something I never knew I needed. Though it is at a limited scope, since this is really more of a 'Sci-Fi Horror' story than a cute one. Once I finish this thing & get back to Path Of Hollowness perhaps there shall be more cute.
I'm also glad that this chapter allowed me to insert some nuance on Asuka, who might've come off a bit one-sidedly thus far just because of the PoV constraints. I don't mean to portray her as just a mean bully, but Rei doesn't really get to see her just chillin' at the Katsuragi residence.